A Sinful Stag Do

A/N: This story was fun to plot out and write. Thanks for doing both of those with me licketysplit - you are truly amazing to work with.

The incessant light was cruel, practically tearing at his sore eyelids and forcing him to wake. It was at this point that Ban realised that his head was about to explode with pain, the relentless throbbing causing stars to appear before his eyes. He groaned, forcing his body into a sitting position, causing an untold number of green and brown bottles to skitter across the table and onto the floor.

"Captain?" he croaked, pressing a comforting hand to his head, scrunching up his nose as the smell of stale ale assaulted his nostrils. The Captain was always completely unaffected by alcohol and would no doubt yell a cheery reply. But the more Ban waited, the more the silence rang in his ears, punctuated only by the soft sound of snoring.

Shaking himself, Ban found that the room was finally swimming into focus, his eyes adjusting to the sunlight streaming through the Boar Hat's diamond patterned windows. There was Hawk, a mass of pink flesh apparently enjoying complete somnolence as he laid out flat on the stone floor. Wedged in a corner of the bar, pink hair falling over his face like a waterfall, Gilthunder dosed, not a sound coming from him as he slept. If it weren't for the fact that his chest was rising and falling Ban might have worried they had an emergency on their hands. Gowther and King were propped up against one another, also out for the count. But no matter how hard he looked, there was no sign of the Captain.

"Wake up!" Ban meant to shout but his voice came out in a rasping whisper, only just audible above the sounds of sleep. He had not expected any response to such a weak summons but the doll was instantly awake, his glasses gleaming in the light as he rose. The movement jostled the fairy king onto the floor with a bump and, with an indignant squeak, King rose into the air, Chastiefol floating beneath him. Even with fully-grown wings the fairy still unaccountably preferred his pillow.

Gowther looked around, his body completely still as his head swivelled on his shoulders. "Where is the Captain?" he intoned, his voice as flat as usual.

"Howzer and Escanor are missing too," King said groggily, as he moved over towards Gilthunder, poking the human unceremoniously in the chest.

Gilthunder looked pitiful as he awakened, rubbing his hands over bleary eyes. "Wha… what'd you say?" he asked, his voice muffled, before turning green in the face and running towards the door. A few moments later, the Sins heard unmistakable noises suggesting the human was rather effectively divesting himself of his remaining stomach contents.

As the others collectively groaned, the front door banged open, the combination of slamming and the jingling of the bell bringing another groan from the group. "There you are!" a sweet but very angry voice shouted, and Ban, who was in the middle of rubbing his eyes, froze instantly.

"Heyyy Elaine~" he said casually, leaning his elbow on the table. At least, he hoped it looked casual. In reality he was using every ounce of his strength to keep upright, and his voice contained a very noticeable wobbly tone.

"Don't you hey Elaine me!" she shouted, making him wince. The fairy flew over to him, hovering with her hands folded. "Where have you all been? You were supposed to be at the castle an hour ago! And what the hell is that smell?"

Ban tried to swallow around the dry lump in his throat as she took in the surroundings. "Oh no," she breathed, looking at the men. "What did you all do last night?"

He opened his mouth to explain as she turned furiously on him, but then he frowned. "Uh, King can fill you in," he said, scratching his head. No way he was going to admit that he couldn't remember.

King gave a massive yawn. "Sorry, I don't remember."

Ban grit his teeth, ready to knock King through the next year, but Elaine just gave an unapproving sigh. "Well I expect you all to be ready to go in five minutes," she huffed. "And where exactly is Meliodas?"

"Probably upstairs," Ban said, standing and stretching. "I'll go get him."

Before Elaine could yell again he hurried up the steps as fast as he could, one hand braced on the wall to keep himself steady. He needed water and a coffee and a nap, but that had to wait. Judging by the position you of the sun, they really were running late.

"Hey Captain!" he shouted, bursting into the first bedroom. "We gotta-"

Ban froze, frowning. The room was empty, and not just empty; the bed was made up, as if no one had slept there. "Captain?"

He moved to the door of the washroom, rapping on it sharply. "Hey Captain? You okay in there?"

No response came, so he pushed the door open. It was empty too, and Ban started to get nervous. Where could the Captain be?

In a panic, Ban tore through the rest of the rooms, even opening cupboards and drawers in his agitation. Every single one was entirely empty, which was unsurprising really. All of the bar's inhabitants had either been out with them or staying with Elizabeth at the castle. As a princess the lady was following tradition, spending her last night as an unmarried woman in the family home.

It was not until the immortal reached Escanor's room that he found something other than dust. The occupant was standing in front of a full length mirror, nervously tugging on a rather ill-fitting tuxedo, his signature spectacles firmly in place.

"I… I'm so sorry I'm late," Escanor muttered, trembling slightly as he looked at Ban. "I'm ready to go now. Please tell the Captain…"

Ban stared at the man, his sozzled brain churning unpleasantly. "Can't. No one knows where he is~" he fluted as he leaned against the door, watching Escanor's face suddenly droop with the news.

"But… but… we have to find him!" The voice conveyed all the panic Ban felt and would, of course, never show. "He's getting married in an hour!"

"I take it the Captain has gone missing. Ban, what did you all get up to last night?" The familiar voice was hard, cold and apparently caused Escanor to quake in his boots.

"L-lady Merlin, to what do we owe the pleasure?" Escanor mumbled, turning bright red as the mage strode into the room. Arms crossed over her chest, their comrade glowered, her formal purple gown flowing around her as she tapped her foot impatiently.

Ban was not scared of many things, but he had to admit Merlin had a way of making him feel like a child, fear that was an ever-present feature of his youth resurfacing before he pushed it away. "Escanor, I am disappointed with you," the mage murmured, shaking her head slightly with her perturbation. "You were supposed to make sure last night's festivities did not get out of hand."

"I… I'm sorry Lady Merlín, I did try, I promise!" Escanor protested as he stared at his boots. "But it was just too much. They were all so… so… drunk ," he added, throwing out his arms in despair. "I couldn't manage them or keep up. I went to bed before they left the bar. The Captain was definitely with them then."

"Then we will just have to retrace your steps until we locate him," Merlin said crossly as her gaze moved to Ban. "I need you to tell me exactly what you got up to last night. You must miss nothing out."

Ban felt his legs give way slightly, and he leaned more heavily on the doorframe to steady himself, wondering how exactly to respond. He was saved the trouble as Merlin snapped, "You have forgotten I take it!" her amber eyes flashing with her annoyance.

"Um… the party was setting off towards Liones just as I retired," Escanor offered and Ban felt a surge of gratitude towards the sin of pride. "Everyone went and I'm pretty sure the Captain was with them."

"Good. Come on! We have no time to lose!" Merlin grabbed Ban by the elbow, pulling him down the stairs, Escanor trotting quietly behind. As they reached the bar, Ban could see that Hawk was still passed out on the floor, but the rest looked as if they could travel. As he entered the room, Elaine shot him a practically murderous look, her brows drawn into an unfamiliar scowl.

"Anyone remember where we went in Liones last night?" Ban addressed the room in general, not expecting any positive response so he was surprised as Gilthunder slowly raised his hand.

"The Black Cat. We went there," the young man said weakly, his eyes swivelling towards the sin of sloth. "Something about you wanting a rematch, I think." Ban watched gleefully as King's face turned red, the small arms grasping the green pillow more tightly as he spluttered.

Without another word, Merlin sauntered from the bar, making it clear to the assembled that they were to follow behind her.

"'Tis a bit early for us to be openin'... Ah, tis you is it? You will be payin' for the mess ya made!" The cheerful voice of The Black Cat's bartender suddenly turned hard as his watery eyes fell upon the fairy king. The sin of sloth looked confused, then scratched his head, floating slightly higher on seeing that the man addressing him with an ominous glower was holding a rather long broom in his gnarled hand.

The rest filed in, their eyes open in surprise as they took in the surroundings. The bar was indeed a disaster zone. Even Ban winced slightly as he caught sight of the broken, splintered chairs, the upturned tables and the bent nails which had once held pictures on the wall that were now nowhere to be seen. The bar itself was completely bare, all of the bottles smashed leaving an almost overpowering smell of liquor despite the opened windows. Even the walls were covered in what looked like soup, and a pile of familiar clothes sat on top of a table. "You see what ya did? Ya pack o' drunk idiots."

"We will settle this all up, I can assure you," Merlin said smoothly, causing the barkeep to stand a little straighter, his expression relaxing into something approaching cordiality. "But first we need to ask you some questions. A friend of ours has gone missing and he's wanted for an extremely important engagement. We were hoping you could help us to locate him."

"Well, 'tis one of your mob upstairs, and 'e'd better be payin' 'is bill and all," the man said sternly, his eyebrows drawing together in disapproval. "After all the noise last night, should charge 'im double," he muttered darkly.

The floor however was spotless, broken furniture aside. "It's not that bad," Ban argued. "Floor's clean."

"I will say that pig 'o yours did a good job cleanin' up," the barkeep murmured as he followed Ban's gaze. "No sign 'o the mess."

"The pies~" Dim memories of the previous day flitted into Ban's consciousness. King had been incensed to find that his dinner had been stolen by the cat - again - so in retaliation he had hurled Gilthunder's meal in the feline's direction. Only he had missed of course and hit another patron square in the face.

The ensuing fight had left the bar and its customers coated in potato and smelling strongly of fish, as well as displacing practically all the furniture. Hawk has done his duty however; the captain of the order of scraps disposal had hoovered up even the tiniest morsel of leftovers, squealing with unabashed delight as he did so. The sight and the sounds of his guzzling, Ban recalled, had made him feel slightly sick.

The men looked at one another sheepishly, all beginning to recall bits and pieces. "Wait," Gilthunder said suddenly. "Where's Howzer?"

"Howzer? Is that his name?" The barkeep sniffed. "He's still upstairs, even though we said that male guests must be out by sunrise. He left plenty o' coin though, ya'd think he was Grand Master or somethin'. So I took pity on him. After all, 'e got plenty o' exercise."

With that the barkeep let loose a great guffaw, and frantically the others hurried up the steps. At the top was a landing, a railing looking over the pub on one side, the other lined with a series of doors. "Where should we start?" King asked aloud, but before anyone could answer a door opened and a heavily made-up woman with red ringlets and wearing only a bra and ill-fitting panties stepped out. "Who's first?" she asked.

Escanor pitched forward into a faint but was luckily caught by Chastiefol. As King and Gilthunder attempted to revive him, Ban folded his arms. "We're looking for a Holy Knight. He's big, dumb, and his hair is about six inches tall."

The woman laughed and crooked her thumb to the end of the hall. "He was a sweetheart. Tipped really well. Probably still with Rebecca. Or maybe Rose."

Gilthunder leaned Escanor onto King as he said, "Let me handle this." But Ban was not about to miss this, so he fell in step behind the knight, hands in his pockets as he gave a smirking laugh at Merlin as they walked down the corridor.

Gil rapped his knuckles sharply on the door. When no answer came, he opened it, and immediately they were assaulted by the sight of limbs and clothing and hair everywhere . "What the hell~" Ban said with a choking sort of laugh. But Gilthunder looked appalled, stepping over to the windows and sharply pulling the curtains open.

In the middle of the bed lay Howzer, asleep on his back, completely naked. Around him were three curvy women in various states of undress, also asleep. But it was obvious with the smears of lipstick and the lovebites that dotted Howzer's body and the untidiness of the bedsheets that the four of them had engaged in some very amorous activities the night before.

"Howzer!" Gil hissed, folding his arms. "Wake up!"

"Mnnnwanna," he mumbled, not moving.

Ban lifted his foot and kicked the side of the bed. It nearly lifted off the ground, all four suddenly awake and shouting as it tipped up on two legs before crashing back to the floor. "Time for school!" he laughed.

Howzer sat straight up, staring at them agape. Then his eyes twitched to the right, then the left, and then down, and his skin turned such a shade of red that Ban was convinced he might actually be sick. "Wha-what-what…!" he stammered.

"Awww, love, don't worry, you were all prepaid," one of the girls said, yawning. Another snuggled up next to the knight, kissing his shoulder. "I'll give you half price if you want a quick morning romp."

"A what? Who are you? What's going on?" Howzer tried to scramble up from the bed, but immediately tipped out and onto the floor. He clutched his head, whether from hangover or humiliation, but the girls and Ban all laughed wildly.

"Howzer!" Ban teased. "Didn't know ya had it in ya~"

"Really, Howzer?" Gilthunder scolded. "You're a Holy Knight!"

The girls all turned to scowl at him, making Gilthunder flinch. "Hey! We keep the kingdom just as safe as you do!" one sneered.

"Yeah, from blue balls," another joked, bringing another round of laugher.

"Come on, get up, we gotta get to the wedding!" insisted Gilthunder, ignoring the girls as they continued to tease. He and Ban each took an arm and hauled him to his feet before Gil did a quick search and found Howzer's clothes.

But the knight looked nearly terrified, turning to Ban to say, "But, I-I don't remember what happened! Who are these girls? What did I do?"

The women laughed shrilly. "So good he doesn't remember!" one laughed. "That's thanks for ya!"

"We took turns ridin' the dragon, love," said another. "You put the key in the hole and opened up to find a prize inside."

"Yup," agreed the third. "Then Jane come in and the three of us took turns plucking the goose while you juggled the-"

"Okay, thank you ladies!" Gilthunder said. He wrapped the pants around Howzer's waist and the two of them dragged him from the room.

Howzer moaned as they headed towards the stairs. "I can't believe it," he groaned pathetically. "My first time, and with three women, and I don't remember a damn thing !"

Ban snorted. "I'll bet you'll be remembering plenty later on when you're itching all over and it burns when you take a piss~"

They reached the main room, where Escanor was finally revived. They all stared at Howzer before he realized he was still technically naked, quickly ducking behind Gilthunder to pull his pants on. "No Captain," Ban told Merlin. "What now?"

"Didn'a tell ya to get out?" the barkeep shouted. "You can't stay here all day!"

"Yeah, in a minute!" Ban shouted, but Merlin asked calmly, "Sir, do you know where these men headed after this?"

The barkeep glared at them coldly. "They were talkin' about seein' a demon. That's when I ran them out. Don't want no demon talk in here."

"Where do you go see a demon?" King wondered.

Merlin's mouth twitched as she tried to hide a smile. "I have an idea," she answered. "Let's go."

The room was filled with excited chatter, Elizabeth sitting serenely in front of a mirror while an assiduous attendant arranged her hair. The young girl was skilled, expertly weaving fragrant blush roses into the goddess' silver tresses, leaving both blue eyes exposed to the world.

"Do we have to wear pink ," Veronica complained as she tugged unceremoniously at her long silk dress, the scowl on her face showing her displeasure. The outburst earned her a rather frosty look from Margaret, who moved over to her sister to smooth out the now-rumpled fabric, tucking the girl's short hair neatly behind her ear.

The queen of Liones drew herself up, "Stop moaning Veronica! It's not every day your sister gets married…"

"Won't be long till the next one," Veronica said sulkily, eyeing the enormous engagement ring on Margaret's finger. "And if you make me dress up in pink as well I will refuse to come. It's not fair! That witch gets to wear purple, not that that's much better." Elizabeth sat still, pretending not to listen but finding it rather difficult to suppress the giggles bubbling up in her throat.

Diane laughed and walked away from Elizabeth where she had been gently applying mascara, the movement causing the goddess a flash of envy. It felt like she had been sitting in a chair for hours and she longed to get going. "Merlin refused to put on anything else," the temporarily shrunken giant confirmed, her eyes flashing with excitement. "Now come on, help me fix the veil! I can't carry it by myself." At this Veronica's pout disappeared, a good-natured smirk brightening her face as she moved with Diane towards the ornate lace confection. The garment was like a waterfall, falling gracefully over the back of Elizabeth's chair, perfectly complementing the wings she was still not entirely used to as they fixed it in place.

"You must be so excited!" Diane gushed as she examined the goddess' reflection in the mirror. Elizabeth smiled, unable to stop the grin spreading over her face. She was of course; she had been dreaming, hoping that this day would come for millennia, an end to Meliodas's suffering and pain. It had overjoyed her to accept his proposal and know that, this time, they would not be almost immediately parted by death.

She was on the point of thanking the assembled women when Elaine burst in, cheeks flushed and eyes full of worry. Elizabeth tried to rise, but found her legs would not obey her; what could the trouble be now? And come to think of it Where was Merlin? The mage should have been back a while since.

"Diane, Your Majesty, I need to speak to you, alone ," Elaine practically squeaked, the tone doing nothing for Elizabeth's nerves. She tried to catch their voices as they whispered, but was not terribly successful. Then her ears caught Meliodas's name and her heart froze in her chest. Was something wrong?

He fears were not calmed as Diane gave a cheery wave, promising to be back soon before running out of the door without ceremony, her bridesmaid's dress left behind on its hanger. Elaine gave a bracing smile, before slipping into her own gown, her blue wings slotting neatly through the slits the tailor had carefully added.

"Elaine, what…" Elizabeth began.

"It's nothing!" the fairy replied as one of the attendants moved to arrange her luxurious blonde hair, skilful fingers weaving the locks into tight braids coiled round her head. "They just drank too much - of course! Nothing that can't be fixed." Elizabeth however saw the girl bite her lip, a sure sign that she was dealing with stress.

"What have you done, Meliodas?" Elizabeth whispered under her breath, the contentment she had felt just moments before replaced by a doubt which gnawed at her insides.

Scratching his head, Ban trudged along, his concern enough to push the ache in his legs and head - and just about everywhere else now he came to think of it - aside. The bells of the church would be ringing in just over half and hour and there was still no sign of the Captain. Where is he? Ban demanded of his brain, only to find his thoughts smothered in cotton wool. How could he have let this happen?

That Elaine had headed back to the castle, her eyes as sharp as daggers as she had cast him a disgruntled look over her shoulder, was both a blessing and a curse. He had to admit he could breathe easier without her obvious disapproval, but he still missed her.

"I still don't see how you could you let the Captain disappear?" Merlin muttered under her breath as they walked.

"It was a stag do, ya know~" Ban fluted, deliberately trying to sound bored as he gazed over the mage's head. Merlin stopped still, her lips pressed together as he added, "This kind of shit is supposed to happen."

"Um… anyway we should press on?" Escanor asked, his shoulders slumped and his gaze resolutely fixed to the floor. "We don't have much longer, and the barkeep said…"

"Yes, agreed. Thank you!" Without another word, Merlin ahead, the captainless Sins following behind.

The cottage Zeldris and Gelda had built on the land Margaret had gifted them just outside of the city was surprisingly cozy in appearance. Ban felt a stab of envy as he looked at it: the white walls offset by shining black beams, the thatched roof and the bountiful baskets of sweet-smelling flowers looked extremely appealing, the trickle of a nearby brook and the chirruping of the birds bringing him a delicious sense of peace. For a moment, Ban wondered if Elaine would prefer to live in a house like this rather than the ever-busy Boar Hat. Fun as it was to live with his comrades, the place did not exactly afford much privacy and would never be theirs .

Before Ban could speak, Merlin had stepped in front of them to ring the bell rather vigorously, following her summons with a loud knock. It was mere seconds later that the door opened to reveal the home's occupants. Zeldris looked as angry as ever, his scowl at odds with both his formal attire and the expression of delight on the vampire's face as her eyes fell on the Sins.

"It's wonderful to see you, but shouldn't you be in Liones?" Gelda enquired, even as she stepped backwards to permit her guests entrance. "We were just on our way. The ceremony is starting soon."

Ban saw Merlin's shoulders stiffen as she drew herself up. "Then Meliodas is not here with you?" she asked crossly.

Zeldris scoffed, his hands curling into fists at his sides. "Why would my brother be here, of all places?" he huffed, his brows drawing into a scowl. "It's bad enough you lot showed up last night, and what spectacles you made of yourselves!"

"The Captain wasn't here?" Ban asked languidly, his nonchalant manner betraying the way his stomach turned with anxiety.

Zeldris drew himself up, the familiar haughty expression fixed in place. "I think I'd know if my own brother was around. His energy is unmistakable. No, it was just you," he said pointedly looking at Ban, "that idiot there, the doll, the fairy and the pig," he added as his eyes swung to Gilthunder. The human was apparently about to protest at the unflattering adjective when Zeldris muttered, "Never seen someone vomit so much…" At this the boy blushed, rubbing the back of his head as he stared at the floor.

"Are you feeling better now?" Gelda asked gently, as she made her way towards Gilthunder, causing the lad to blush even more. "You really were quite ill. Maybe you should come in and get some water…"

"He's not allowed in the house again!" Zeldris said with finality as Gil shuffled his feet uncomfortably. "He's already made enough mess! Our cat is never going to be the same again!"

Ban had been watching the exchange with some interest, the corners of his mouth turned up to show his sharp canines. Zeldris was on the point of apoplexy, Gelda looking towards him with some apprehension. He was almost annoyed when Merlin interrupted sharply as she tapped her fingers on her folded arms. "So where is the Captain?"

"The immortal said something about heading to see Arthur Pendragon," Zeldris answered disdainfully as he looked towards Ban, flicking an imaginary speck of dust from his jacket sleeve in the process. "I sincerely hope you Sins treated him with more respect."

At this, Merlin rounded on the fairy king, who had remained silent, floating above the group. Her voice when it came was deathly quiet. "What have you been doing with my ward?" she hissed, the air around her whipping into a rough breeze with her agitation. "There was a reason I forbade him from accompanying you on this ridiculous outing!"

"I didn't do anything!" King insisted. "He said immortal, that means Ban!"

Ban folded his arms. "I'm sure the kid is fine."

Merlin whirled on him with a furious look. "You can't know that! You don't even remember last night."

King floated down a bit his palms up defensively. "Why don't we go and see if he knows where the Captain is?"

"Yes," Merlin said through gritted teeth, "and if I find one hair on his head out of place-"

Ban huffed at her in annoyance. "What do ya think we'd even do to him?"

"After the state you left Howzer in-" and here the mage eyed the Holy Knight, who crossed his arms over his exposed chest defensively, "-I couldn't begin to imagine. Regardless, he is too young to be out drinking and carousing with all of you!"

At that Ban really laughed. "He ain't no kid. He's a king."

"He's sixteen ," Merlin snapped.

"Yeah, sixteen, not six ," Ban argued back.

"I won't have you all getting him drunk and taking him to fight in bars and see women!"

Ban put his hands on his hips. "So you're saying he can be king, and fight in battles, and use a big damn sword, but he can't have a drink and look at a tit?"

Their argument was interrupted when King squealed, "Diane!"

They all turned to see the giant; Diane had obviously taken one of Merlin's pills, but despite being human-sized she covered the ground with astonishing speed. "There you all are!" she cried. "Have you found him?"

"No," King admitted sheepishly.

"What are we gonna do?" she moaned, grabbing her pigtails. "Elizabeth is gonna be so upset!"

King floated forwards to pat her on the arm. "Don't worry, we will find him. I think I remember him being in King Arthur's rooms."

Diane's worried expression turned to fury as she looked at him. "Oh, I'm so mad at you! You should have known better!" She glowered at all of them, and then leaned closer to examine the group. "Howzer? What happened to you?"

Howzer turned bright pink as King launched into a protest, but Merlin cut him off. "Let's go see Arthur and make sure he is okay, and if he has the Captain."

"Please!" Zeldris shouted from his doorstep. "Go! And don't walk on the grass when you leave! I just cut it yesterday!"

Elizabeth looked up as Diane burst into the room. The giant's pigtails were flying behind her, her face one of obvious melancholy. Elaine flew over to her and in an instant the two women were sharing a whispered conversation which saw the fairy's face darken. The goddess could not hear much of the exchange but the words 'how could they' featured on more than one occasion.

"Elaine, Diane, please tell me what is going on," Elizabeth said gently, her voice pleading as she got to her feet. Without meaning to she caught sight of her reflection in the full length mirror, the image enough to take her breath away. The dress she was wearing was stunning, fitting her curves perfectly, the pure white of the satin pooling into a long train as it hit the floor. Even Elizabeth could tell that she looked like an angel.

Both the giant and fairy regarded her with sorrowful eyes, neither apparently wishing to be the first to speak. It was Margaret who took charge, moving forward to place her hands on Elizabeth's shoulders, her fingers squeezing slightly as she collected herself. "I'm afraid no one can find Meliodas," the queen said softly, her dark eyes gazing into Elizabeth's own. "It appears that he did not sleep at the Boar Hat last night, and no one is able to locate him now. The others are searching for him as we speak, but have so far drawn a blank."

Elizabeth's heart paused in its beating, then before she knew it she was laughing - not just giggling, absolutely guffawing, tears pooling in the corners of her eyes and she hastily grabbed a handkerchief to stop them falling down her face to ruin the makeup which had been so carefully applied. Margaret looked at her with some concern, stepping back a few paces and Diane, Elaine and Veronica moved towards her, almost identical expressions of worry etched on their faces."

"Don't worry, I'm fine, I'm not hysterical," Elizabeth hiccuped as she looked back at the women, aware that the unnatural brightness of her eyes must belie her word, "It's just…" The goddess struggled to regain her composure, forcing her features to resume a more regal countenance. Clearing her throat she continued, "You obviously do not know him at all. Any of you. Meliodas will not miss this wedding. Wherever he is I assure you there will be a perfectly good explanation and he will be at the church in good time.

"Speaking of which, we had better be going," Elizabeth said brightly as she stepped towards the door, Diane hastily changing into her bridesmaid's outfit. "I don't want to keep him waiting." A servant obediently opened the door, bowing respectfully to Elizabeth as she walked carefully through, this time more effectively stifling her giggles. I trust him she thought to herself as she made her way slowly towards the church. Meliodas has never let me down.

Ban was now more worried than he had ever remembered being in his whole life before, and this incident was up against some pretty strong competition. For the first time in his existence he wondered if alcohol really was such a good idea: if the Captain missed this wedding he would never forgive himself. Some best man he had turned out to be.

Arthur had rooms in Liones castle, queen Margaret having ensured he received the most luxurious accommodation. As the now sombre, silent group trod up the stairs and along the carpeted hallway, Ban's heart sank. He had taken the hint from Zeldris and stretched out his power to trace the Captain's signature, but although he could find the king of Camelot's readily enough there was no sign of any other significant energy.

It was with some surprise that Ban saw a young man striding towards him, something familiar trotting along at his heels. As the pair got closer, Ban could make out the features of Camelot's king, his suit immaculate and his violet eyes slightly clouded as he moved towards them. The thing by his side suddenly snorted, running towards Ban at full pelt and bashing into him, almost knocking him backwards into Gowther.

"Baaaannnn," the thing squealed and the immortal gasped. The thing in front of him was Hawk right enough, but sporting a rather ridiculous blonde wig. The more Ban looked at it, the more confused he became; it looked like an exact replica of the Captain's hair.

"Hawk came to see me this morning," Arthur explained as Merlin moved towards him, casting a critical eye over her ward. "He woke up to find the Boar Hat empty, I understand. He has been extremely worried. He came to see me as I was the last stop on your journey last night. I had to tell him I thought you had all returned to the bar."

"Did they do anything to you?" Merlin asked sharply as she took Arthur's chin in two long fingers, moving his face from side to side.

Arthur smiled weakly, stepping back to free himself from her grasp. "Nothing that I could not handle," he said smoothly. "With all due respect Merlin, I am perfectly capable of dealing with a few rowdy guests. I gave them some bread and water and, once sure they were not in danger, I sent them back home to complete their recovery." At this Merlin looked slightly cross and Ban could not help but mutter "told you so," under his breath.

"So then Captain's not with you?" he asked more loudly, the last trickle of hope dying in his breast as he saw Arthur shake his head in confusion.

"No. I mean, he wasn't here in the first place," the king replied.

Merlin whirled round on King, her eyes flashing dangerously. "Why did you not tell us that the Captain was not with you?" she thundered, her arms rigid at her sides.

"I thought he was," King said simply, before his eyes fell on Hawk, his red face growing suddenly thoughtful. "Though, it might have been Sir Pig perhaps. That wig is confusing!" he protested, floating even higher as Merlin's face morphed to a blazing anger. Ban watched carefully; he had longed to see a fight between the mage and the fairy king but something told him this was not the time.

He was on the point of saying something to try and calm the situation when a cheerful "Yo!" caught everybody's attention. Ban spun around, his mouth falling open as the Captain stalked into view, perfectly attired and not a hair out of place. "What are you all doing?" Meliodas asked, a slight edge to his tone. "The ceremony is starting any minute! I've been looking for you all for ages."

"Captain!" Ban yelled, moving over towards his friend at lightning speed, but the blonde shook his head. "Maybe later, okay? We need to get to the church. Now. The wedding will be starting in five minutes. And what are you all wearing? You can't go dressed like this!" The party looked round at each other and had to acknowledge that the Captain had a point: Arthur and Escanor aside they all looked extremely disheveled and Ban noted that he at least smelled pretty bad, like alcohol and sweat.

With a sigh, Merlin snapped her fingers and Ban felt himself being pulled into the air and rolled around, his hair and limbs seemingly tugged in all directions. The sensation did nothing for his churning stomach, though at some point in the process that also settled. By the time his feet were back on ground he felt almost human, and on looking down he could see he was nearly dressed in a smart suit, his black shoes shining in the light streaming through the castle windows.

"Thanks. Now let's get going," Meliodas urged, just as the church bells began to chime. But before Ban could take another step, Merlin clicked her fingers once more and they all found themselves inside the church, Ban relieved to see he was standing at Meliodas's side right in front of the altar. And not a moment too soon; the organ started playing and the guests' heads spun round to see Elizabeth walking forward on Margaret's arm, Elaine, Diane and Merlin following serenely behind them.

"So where were you and why didn't you stay in the Boar Hat last night?" Ban hissed as Meliodas grinned broadly at the sight of his bride. "You must have been up to something."

"What are you talking about? I slept in my own bed!" Meliodas whispered back indignantly.

Ban snorted. "Can't fool me. Your bed hasn't been slept in! It was too neat…"

"I made it up so it would be nice for Elizabeth when we get back tonight, okay?" Meliodas replied, the grin still plastered to his face. "Wasn't going to have the room messy for her.

"Look, I got up this morning and you were all out for the count. I told you it wasn't a good idea to go into Liones," Meliodas explained as Ban stared at him. "I went to bed after Escanor. I wasn't going to mess up today. Elizabeth is counting on me," he added proudly.

"So where were you?" Ban asked under his breath, his curiosity well and truly piqued.

"I heard on the grapevine yesterday that the bridal party was wearing pink," Meliodas muttered as he gave Elizabeth a little wave. The lady blushed slightly, returning the gesture as the crowd cooed. "I thought it was purple for some reason… Anyway I went to get these," he added pointing at the pale pink tie fixed around his neck and the rose in his buttonhole. "Thought it would be a nice surprise…" At this Meliodas trailed off, his eyes widening slightly as he took in the detail of Elizabeth's dress, his mouth forming the word "wow" as she came even closer.

"And I want an explanation from you after this is over," Meliodas added, the hint of annoyance clear. "Nothing is ruining this wedding, okay? I have waited far too long."