A/N: And thus the exposition ends and the story begins.

Ch. 33 – No Rest for the Wicked

"The rest I'm sure you can guess," Helena finished. "Two weeks adrift, and some stormwyrms later, and here we are. At my most optimistic I had hoped to make landfall or run into a friendly ship before running out of food. I never dreamed you'd be the friendly ship!"

"It was your vivre card," Zoro replied, showing it to her. It hadn't grown back to its usual size. Odd. "I noticed it was shrinking, so we struck course for you."

"We knew there was a possibility you could be on this side of the Red Line based on the news about you being at Marie Jois," Nami added. "But don't worry, we didn't tell Zoro anything until you told him the provisos are no longer in play."

Helena smiled wryly at this. "They seem so silly now, in light of all that's happened. "

"Adherence to honor isn't silly," Zoro pointed out, and Helena nodded.

"No indeed it is not," she said almost to herself, then she looked up at the crew. "Thank you all for, well, everything. The rescue. The hospitality. For accepting Kuina as one of your own."

"That was a given," Usopp pointed out with a wide grin. "I mean, you're Zoro's wife. Kuina's his daughter. Not to mention we like you. Of course you're both welcome here."

Helena smiled mischievously. "Even with assassins and admirals after us?"

Usopp stiffened. He didn't seem to like remembering those little details.

Franky laughed loudly. "Not like they aren't after us already, sis!" he cried, smacking her on the back with his enormous hand. It kind of hurt, not that she cared. He was the crew member she knew the least, but she couldn't help but love him as she did the rest.

"Anyway, it's something we can discuss more in the morning," Nami put in with a yawn.

Helena knew she should nod agreement to this. Luffy had fallen asleep again, and the rest seemed close to it. Dawn couldn't be far off. It had taken most of the night to tell her tale. But Helena didn't want them to go. She wanted to hold on to their company for as long as she could.

No one noticed her sudden desperation. With yawns, stretches, and murmurs of agreement, the Straw Hat pirates started filing out. Nami placed a hand on Helena's shoulder before leaving, giving her a tired but warm smile. Others made this or that encouraging comment:

"That was quite a tale, yo-ho. But you made it here, and that's what matters."

"Don't worry, Helena-chwan! Your Prince is here to protect you now."

"You really are safe to rest now, sis. You've superrr earned it."

"Don't think for a second I'm scared to protect you and Kuina from Cipher Pol. I once took a whole elite team single handed! With nothing but my slingshot and a pile of beans!"

Robin woke the captain by pinching his nose with a disembodied hand, then pretended she hadn't. Luffy groggily followed his crew out, but not before stopping to rub Helena's head without looking at her.

"Welcome to the crew, Sword Princess," he told her sleepily, "It's about time you took up my offer."

Helena opened her mouth to respond, but he'd already walked off. How could she tell him, any of them, that she couldn't stay? How could she make any of them understand the final leg of her journey took her somewhere they couldn't follow?

The only person who could possibly understand sat beside her now, stifling a yawn. The husband who had once gone to the edge of the Styx and back with her. But though he might understand, it wouldn't stop him from trying to dissuade her.

"Well, shall we go check on Kuina?" he asked. "I'm thinking…you know…after everything that's happened to you, maybe you should stay in the infirmary a little while longer. Kuina can sleep with one of us."

"Wait," she rasped. "Not yet."

She didn't need to say anything more. He let her climb onto his lap and snuggle close. He didn't question why she needed some time to compose herself after telling a tale like hers. But what he didn't know was that she was cherishing every second now. Every breath she heard him take, every heartbeat against her ear. She tightened her arms around him and relished how he reciprocated. Despite his own fatigue, he patiently held her until at last she spoke:

"Zoro, there's something I need you to know," she said, looking up him. His eye met hers with a tired but intent gaze. She paused, carefully choosing her words, and he waited. He'd always been pretty good at that. Waiting.

"I need you to know that you were the right choice," she said, and her voice cracked. "Our marriage has been full of strife from the start, but I would choose you again given the chance."

"Though it meant the fall of your kingdom?" he asked with an incredulous chuckle.

"Yes."

Guilt shot through her to say it aloud, but the word came out without hesitation. Tears started down her face. Zoro's semi-teasing expression softened and he embraced her again.

"For all we know, this would have happened whether I married you or not," he reassured her, his voice quiet, sincere, and actually cracking with emotion. "At least this way, I could provide you and Kuina with some kind of safe haven."

Helena nodded. She hadn't actually thought of it that way before, but he was right. They had no way of telling whether Cipher Pol would have found another kind of opening. It seemed unlikely, though. Her marriage to Zoro had been tied up with her disobedience to the gods for letting him leave. The child she had lost – Zoro's child – had led to her war with them. And his influence on her had driven her try to stand up to a Government so much bigger and stronger than she could ever be.

Still his words gave her comfort. She managed a soft smile through her tears.

"I'll do my best to help you find happiness here," he reassured her. "I know it won't be easy, given the circumstances."

The smile faded. "Thank you," she said, but the words were polite, not heart felt. Zoro must have sensed it; he could generally tell when she was using her diplomacy voice on him, and he didn't like it. He didn't call her out on it though. Probably because he knew heartbreak like hers meant happiness felt a long way off. She couldn't possibly give any answer but a diplomatic one.

Anyway, her happiness wasn't up to him. Something they both understood even if neither said it.

"Do you want to go check on Kuina now?" he asked.

She shook her head into his chest, and he caressed her back in understanding.

They sat in silence for a while after that. Zoro knew there wasn't anything more he could say, and could feel by the way she held him that he was all she wanted at the moment.

Eventually she fell asleep against him. Though he was getting a kink in his neck, soon he was in real danger of following suit; it had been a long and emotionally draining night. But they needed to check in on Kuina, and Helena would rest better in a bed.

He lifted her, trying not to wake her as he made his way toward the infirmary. He almost made it, but jostled her opening the infirmary door. She straightened up blearily in his arms, just in time to catch an adorable sight.

Dressed in some of Chopper's pajamas, Kuina lay sleeping contentedly in the infirmary bed. She held the little reindeer doctor to her with one arm, the other wrapped around Foxy.

"Zoro, Helena…help me," Chopper moaned, tears streaming down his face.

"Aw…" Helena said. "I was wondering why you didn't come over to join us."

"Chopper, don't tell me she's stronger than you," Zoro chortled. "I mean, you can transform in any number of ways to escape her."

"Shut up, jerk! I can escape any time I want to, but…" the little reindeer's angry rant became a piteous whimper. "She's just too cute."

Kuina's parents laughed, but soon set about extracting Chopper from his adorable captor. Naturally Kuina awoke in the process. Zoro had set Helena down by now, and despite Chopper's protests that she shouldn't be lifting anything, she picked up her daughter and held her close.

"I love you, Kuina-Bee," Zoro heard her murmur, kissing the sleepy girl's curls. "You be good for your Papa now."

"You sure you don't want her to stay with you here?" Zoro asked.

"Want Papa…" Kuina grumbled sleepily, and Helena smiled, giving Zoro a knowing look.

Zoro obligingly took the kid, cradling her to him in place of his wife. Helena stole one more lingering kiss from him before lying down.

"Goodbye," she said before settling into the bed. "Sleep well."

Zoro smiled at her. "We'll figure out better sleeping arrangements soon," he promised. He wrapped Kuina in the blanket he'd used to bring her through the rain before, then turned to go. "You coming, Chopper?"

"No, Helena and I need to talk."

"I think it should probably wait til morning," Zoro pointed out, gesturing toward the bed. Helena's eyes were shut, her face relaxed.

Chopper sighed, but nodded. Retrieving an umbrella, he followed Zoro out the door and into the stormy night.

Helena's eyes shot open the moment the door fell shut. She forced herself to lay awake until their footsteps disappeared into the rain. She couldn't afford to fall asleep right now. This was her chance, and it would be dishonorable to put this off any longer.

Despite Chopper's strict warning, she stood on her feet, then made her way to his desk. It held her affects, as well as a pad of paper.

"I should probably leave a note," she thought, flipping on his desk lamp. Anyway, she had to kill some time to be sure that Zoro and Chopper and the rest of the crew had gone to bed.

She sat on Chopper's stool for a moment, pen in hand, thinking kind thoughts toward each member of the crew. In her mind, she thanked Franky for building such a beautiful, sturdy home for her husband and daughter. She thanked Nami for navigating their home to safe waters, and Sanji for all the meals he'd cooked and would cook to keep up Zoro and now Kuina's strength. She thanked Robin for knowing the history of Ilium; for the things she would be able to teach Kuina, and she thanked Brook for knowing the songs. She thanked Usopp for repairing Foxy, and for the fun stories he would inevitably tell her little girl. And she thanked Luffy, the man who had once smashed the Going Merry into Ilium's shores. The man who had brought her and Zoro together. The man who had readily accepted her into his family, his crew, and just as readily accepted her daughter.

And yet, when she finally wrote her message, all she put were a few short words to Zoro. Just enough to help him understand. If she wrote anything more she might lose her nerve. She'd waited long enough.

Satisfied with her message, she took her mother's broken blade from its sheath, and stood. Soon she had made her way out into the brisk night, letting the rain soak through her borrowed clothes without a thought for her health.

She made her way steadily, calmly to the back of the ship, away from Franky, who stood watch at the helm. Safely assured that no one could see or hear her, she climbed the railing and stood looking back toward the way she'd come. Back toward Ilium, she hoped.

For a moment she gazed into the eerie waterscape around her. It seemed strange to have rain pouring down so heavily upon her, and yet it only dimpled the still water around the ship. No wind. No wave. It reminded her of the calm belt, but…calmer. Hopefully no sea kings lurked around here, but if what Franky and Nami said was correct, this Calm was only a temporary phenomenon.

It didn't matter. The Straw Hats could handle any hardship thrown their way. And her time traveling with them was done.

She raised her mother's broken blade, now able to pierce the flesh of a royal.

"Hades!" she cried into the night, glad that the rain muffled her voice. "I know you're listening. And you, Zeus, and the rest of the immortal gods. I have fulfilled the last of my duties. I have brought my daughter to safety. And now, I give my life in atonement for my crimes. Not in apology to Hera, for to her I will never apologize. Not even in apology to the rest of the Pantheon. I give my life in apology to my people. It is them that I have failed. If my blood may help any of those lost to find peace, please make it so. My blood is my final libation."

Lightning cracked the night sky, casting a violet glow on the clouds and the mirror like sea. Wind began out of nowhere, destroying the dimpled mirror with choppy waves.

So Zeus had heard her.

In her weakened state, it was everything she could do to keep upright on the railing as the ship started to rock. Another flash of violent, violet lightning and a dark figure floated before her. Masked in white, he reached an elegant, sable hand toward her.

"Come," her mother's voice beckoned. "Come and take your rest."

"You don't have to lie to me," she spat, turning her blade toward herself. "There is no rest for the wicked."

More lightening flashed, illuminating what remained of Peleus as it hurtled toward her abdomen, but Helena no longer heard the thunder. It simply didn't register to her ears, nor the rain. All her senses became attuned to the blade, waiting for its final bite.

It never came. A pair of enormous, hairy arms grabbed hers, yanking her off the railing, keeping her blade arm immobile. Hades vanished.

"Chopper," Helena murmured, not attempting to fight him. She didn't want to kill herself in front of someone, least of all someone like Chopper. "How did you know I was out here."

"I smelled your scent away from the infirmary. Oh, I knew something like this was going to happen, I just knew it!" Chopper's shrill voice rang into her ear. "Drop the blade, Your Majesty! DROP IT!"

"Stop calling me that!" Helena murmured, dropping the blade per his request. "I am not a Queen any longer. And I can't continue living after all that I've done. It is the swordsman's way. Please try to understand…"

"Not even for your child?" Chopper sobbed, his strong grip frozen around her though she'd shown submission from the moment he'd appeared.

"My child neither needs nor wants me," she replied softly. "She has Zoro and all of you. She will be happier here than she ever was with me."

Chopper's grip loosened just enough for Helena to get free.

"You see," she said softly, turning to look him in the eyes. "She is much better off this way."

"I'm not talking about Kuina, you idiot!" Chopper snapped. "I'm talking about your OTHER child."

Helena cocked her head. Telemachus? Had Zoro mentioned him to Chopper? "I go to meet him in the Underworld," she assured him. Not that it was likely the gods would allow her such a mercy.

"Huh?" Chopper blinked.

"You're talking of Kuina's twin, aren't you? The one Zoro and I lost?"

Chopper shook his head. "I didn't know Kuina had a twin. I'm talking about THAT one," he said, and his voice grew more intense. "The one you have inside of you!"

Mouth open without a retort, Helena stared down at the furry but humanoid finger he pointed toward her abdomen.

"It's what I've been trying to tell you this whole time," Chopper sobbed, balling both hands into fist as he glared down at her. "You're pregnant!"

Helena closed her mouth into an amused smirk. "That's not possible," she insisted, meeting his gaze. "You're trying to trick me into giving up an honorable death."

"I wouldn't lie about something like this!" Chopper snapped.

"But you and I both know I'm on my monthly," Helena pointed out. She'd started bleeding aboard the lifeboat. It had been a pain to say the least. Helena would have thought that with all the stress and lack of food, her body wouldn't have enough of anything to waste on a menstrual cycle, even a light one, but there it was.

"That's not your monthly," Chopper said, brow furrowing in anger. "You're threatening miscarriage! Don't you see? That's why I've insisted you stay in bed! That's why I've insisted you not lift anything and take it easy. For all we know, the baby is already dead, but until we go ashore and take an ultrasound, we can't be sure."

With Hades disappearance, Zeus also hid his interest. The lightning ceased. The wind calmed. Even the rain lightened into a drizzle. The calm settled in once more as Chopper had spoken, leaving the world quieter than before as Helena stared at him.

In the quietude, Helena remembered the past few months, how sick she had been, how food had been a burden. Her fatigue, her weakness, suddenly it all made sense.

Finally she bowed her head:

"The baby isn't dead," she said calmly. "If it were, Hades would have taken it and left a pomegranate behind."

"So you believe me?"

"Yes," Helena said, though she couldn't bring herself to return his smile. "I trust you are telling the truth, and I will be more attentive to your orders for the sake of the baby."

"So you won't try to kill yourself anymore?" Chopper asked, a relieved smile spreading beneath the tears on his face.

"I didn't say that," Helena said, and the smile disappeared. "I will carry the child to term, but then it is my duty to end my life. I have no right to go on after my folly. If I continue to live after my duty to this child is done, I live in complete disgrace."

Chopper pouted, brows furrowed. Amazing how he maintained such an adorable face, even in Heavy Point.

"In the meantime, please carry me back to the infirmary. I probably shouldn't be hiking across the ship in this condition."

"No you shouldn't," Chopper agreed, bending to pick her up. Helena placed a hand on his chest, stopping him:

"But before I go anywhere with you, I have a condition. You can't tell anyone any of this. Especially not Zoro."

"What?" Chopper cried, "But he needs to know…!"

"I will tell him everything in my own due time," she said. "But I'm trusting you as my doctor to maintain confidentiality. About the child. About my intentions after the child's birth. Can I trust you, doctor?"

Chopper's lip quivered, he looked like he wanted to say more, but finally he nodded.

"Good," Helena said, allowing him to lift her. "Let's go."

Chopper didn't say anything as he did as she asked, though she could tell the poor, emotional creature could have lectured her for an hour. Glancing back toward the sea, and the railing on which she had almost ended her life, she let out a sigh.

It would seem that once again she'd been condemned to live.

.

.

.

A/N: Gotta give Kudos to LinktoMyHeartPiece, who was the first one to realize (in the comments anyway) that Helena is preggers.

By the way, I've struggled with Post Partum Depression, and with suicidal thoughts, so this leg of the story was really intense for me. Not writing it, as I'm not struggling so much anymore, but coming up with it (it made sense to me that Helena would believe herself in dishonor and opt for honorable suicide. That lead to logical decisions within the story, and thus became fixed in my mind as part of the plot). I just wanted to let anyone out there who struggles with depression and suicidal thoughts know that you're not alone, even though you may feel like you are.

The three things that have helped me with my PPD: God, Therapy, and Meds. They're an effective trifecta. Gotta feed your spirit, heal your mind, and help regulate your body, know what I mean? Anyway, if you feel like talking to some random internet stranger who's walked through that darkness, I'm here. Shoot me a PM. Depression sucks. There, I said it.