Image art was made using the base at: biffsims/art/base-37-request-352338071 on deviantart.

Samsara

Chapter 1

Set after tri:

Yamato, Sora=19

Hikari, Takeru=16

Present Time…

Hikari woke in the darkness of her room, her face a mix of sweat and tears. She twisted in her bed to read the clock, only an hour before she set the alarm; as if she could fall asleep again if she tried. She fell back in bed and stared at the celling; in her mind repeating the breathing exercises prescribed by her doctor. Her heart slowed, but the nausea remained. She bolted out of bed as best she could and dove into the bathroom.

After her body did its latest assault on herself, the sixteen-year-old slid down the hall, careful not to wake her parents, or Takeru, who lay sleeping on the couch, and paused at her brother's room, hoping that it had been a terrible dream, that Taichi would be snoring loudly in his bed, oversleeping like usual.

Her fingers curled around the doorframe and tears filled her eyes again, as they had every day for the first month afterwards. All of her brother's belongings had been removed, boxed and donated. Fresh paint still hung to the walls, while the smell of new plastic lingered in the air.

She ran a hand along the edge of the crib, spun the mobile attached to the ceiling. A sharp jab hit her stomach. She placed a hand on her abdomen until the feeling subsided. "It's okay," she whispered, "This'll be your room again soon."

She returned to her own room and sat on the bed, watching the sun peak over the Tokyo skyline. Should she attempt to return to sleep, or just go to bed an hour earlier that night? Either way, it would not ruin her schedule; she had little to do for the past few months besides trying to stay in her everyone's good graces.

She made her bed and decided on her outfit for the day. After dressing, she positioned herself sideways to her mirror and pulled up her shirt to the bottom of her bust line, showcasing her enlarged midsection and snapped a photo of her reflection with her phone.

"Getting really big," she wrote, "Should be any day now."

She rested a hand on her baby belly. "Can't wait for you to come back…"

She grinned.

"…Taichi."

Ten Months Earlier…

Hikari could not decide if her body felt like dead weight or so light that it could float to the ceiling; somehow a mixture of both. All she knew for certain was she was numb; her body, at least. Her mind raced with a thousand thoughts, a million possibilities, a billion 'what-ifs,' but one thought, one statement, stood at the forefront.

"This is all my fault."

Ken was pacing the floor while Daisuke was pushing Jyou to talk 'doctor,' to the receptionist for information. Sora was in the seat next to her, arm wrapped around the younger girl's shoulders. "It'll be okay," she whispered, "He's stronger than this."

Takeru was in the other seat. "Yeah, don't worry about him," he smiled, "This isn't going to stop him. He'll be up and around in no time."

Memories flashed through Hikari's mind; of Phelesmon snatching her during her patrol, of Taichi leading the rescue, of Wargreymon battling the demonic digimon, of that black energy attack that deleted Wargreymon from behind, of that second attack that struck Taichi…

Her ears picked up the sound of Yamato's conversation with the police officer in the corner of the waiting room. "…a blue car, I think, or it might have been light black. He just ran right through the light when Taichi was crossing…"

Daisuke plopped down next to Takeru. "How long's that story gonna last?" he whispered.

The blond glared at him and he slouched. "Well, um, the others are looking for Phelesmon now, and once they find him, we'll crush him!"

"Miss Yagami?"

Hikari had not even noticed the man in the surgical uniform standing before her. "Y-yes," she said, allowing Takeru and Sora to help her stand.

The doctor sighed. "I'm sorry to tell you this, but your brother…"

Hikari was not aware of when her parents arrived at the hospital, not aware that Yamato and Sora drove her home, not aware of anything for the next two days. She had been excused from school, and spent much of her time lying in her bed, staring at the darkness in the room. Her blinds were shut, the lamps silenced. She knew it was ironic, would have laughed if she could; the child of light wrapping herself of her own choice in the darkness.

It was her fault!

Takeru had said how sorry he was, all of her friends said how sorry they were, but why were they apologizing? It was not their fault that she was captured, not their fault that she was so weak she could not save herself, not their fault that she always put everyone's lives in danger because sick, evil digimon were always after her.

And her brother had paid the price for her faults, her weaknesses, her problems. Who would be next? Takeru, Yamato, Sora…

It would be better for everyone if she wasn't around.

She crawled out of bed and slid into the hall. No sound in the living room, no sound in the bedrooms, her parents were out; no doubt tending to the last of Taichi's arrangements. She stepped into the kitchen, her eyes focused on the large knife her mother used to cut everything from vegetables to meat. She placed the cold steel on her wrist and slid.

The pain shot up her arm like molten fire.

The darkness clawed at her. She pushed deeper.

The pain doubled, but the darkness pulsed stronger.

Her fault. All her fault! Everyone gets hurt because of her! Everyone dies because of her!

The hot pain...

The burning darkness…

She couldn't take it anymore. She threw the knife into the counter's cutting board and clamped her free hand over her wrist, yanking paper towels free with her teeth. She removed her hand and gave a short laugh; all that and she had barely broken the skin. She really was weak.

The door opened. Her eyes shifted in panic but focused on the hanging fruit basket. She pulled out an apple and dropped it onto the cutting board just as her mother stepped into the kitchen.

"Hikari!" she cried, "W-what are you…"

The girl forced a smile. "I was trying to cut an apple and the knife slipped…"

Her mother didn't believe her, who would believe such a pathetic liar? But upon seeing her terrible job, her mother chuckled. "Oh, it's not bad at all. A few bandages and it'll be fine." She smiled at her daughter, "You need to be more careful."

The others were fooled just the same. No one even noticed the faint scar at the funeral.

She sat there in a simple dark grey skirt and jacket, along with a black blouse. She did find herself smiling at how nice the others looked in their own formal wear, even Daisuke, who hated his school uniform, was there in suit and tie.
The smile did not last long before the sadness, the guilt, the darkness pushed it away. She sobbed, she wailed, she cried throughout the service. Mimi and Sora cried as well, and even Yamato shed a few tears, but no one carried on like a child like her.

Takeru approached her during the reception. "I know I've said it before, but I'm really sorry."

"You shouldn't be," she said, "It's my fault."

He blinked. "What? How's it your fault?"

"Taichi got killed because he was rescuing me, right? If I wasn't so weak, so pathetic then…"

Yamato suggested that Takeru take her home.

"B-but I can't," she sniffled, "It's gonna look so bad if Taichi's own sister can't…"

"We'll cover for you," Yamato said, "And I'll tell your parents."

Takeru gently took hold of her arm. "Come on."

The sadness, the guilt, the darkness had sapped away her strength, she had nothing left to argue. She nodded and followed him from the hall. They had only made it a few blocks before the skies open and the deluge began.

"My place is closer," Takeru cried over the roar of the rain.

Hikari nodded her approval. Once inside the apartment, they shook off the rain as best they could. "I thought it was supposed to be sunny today," Takeru said.

Hikari followed him into the kitchen. "Mom's still covering the election."

She nodded; Miss Takaishi had sent her condolences before.

"Do you want some tea?" he asked.

She nodded again and sat at the table. "Thank you."

A few moments later, her hands curled around the cup as she let the steam billow around her face. Takeru was sipping his own drink. He invited her over, made her something to drink, she needed to talk to him. "I, um, haven't been keeping up with my Chosen duties. What's, um, going on with everyone?"

"Yamato and Daisuke are arguing over a policy for if this happens again," he sighed, "I think the bigger issue is that they're butting heads over who's in charge now. How's Plotmon?"

"I don't know," she said, "I told her to stay in the Digital World for a while." She sighed, "We all know what happened the last time I got like this; the best thing for her is to stay far away from me right now." Her fingers tightened around the cup, "I'm just too dangerous to have a Mega digimon."

"No you're not," he said, "And besides, we all lost our Megas when we formed Omegamon Merciful Mode. Only Yamato and Taichi still have…"

He caught himself and wince. "Sorry, I'm really not good at this, am I?"

She blinked. "What? I'm the one who should say I'm sorry. I'm the one who always gets everyone hurt…"

He stood. "Let me see if I have some old clothes you can borrow."

She nodded and followed him into his bedroom. He searched through his dresser and handed her a faded pair of jeans and a dark t-shirt. "Here. Get out of those clothes before you catch cold."

"Takeru, I…"

Their eyes locked and an unspoken statement was understood. They moved closer, Takeru gently taking her head in his hands, Hikari letting her eyes close as their lips locked.

The sadness, the guilt, clawed at her mind.

But as the act went on, the darkness faded.

Takeru called the Yagamis later that night and explained they ran to his apartment to escape the rain, and that Hikari had fallen asleep and he did not want to disturb her. Mrs. Yagami accepted this, because she knew how difficult her daughter had been sleeping, but if she had any suspicions about what really happened, she kept them to herself.

Until she entered her daughter's room a week later. "Hikari, do you have a stash of pads in here?"

Her daughter looked up from her makeup homework. "No, Mom. Are we out?"

Her mother hesitated. "No, just the opposite." She swallowed, "Are you…late?"

Hikari paled. "I…with everything going on, I didn't even realize that…"

Her mother nodded. "Wait there." She vanished into the hall and returned a moment later with a box. "Here."

Hikari's heart dropped; it was a pregnancy test. "Mom, I…"

Her mother held up her finger. "Just take it."

The girl nodded and entered the bathroom. She emerged with tears streaming down her face. "Mom, I…"

Mrs. Yagami held up her finger again. "Tell me. How many boys and how many times."

"I…"

"And don't lie to me!" she snapped.

Hikari swallowed. "Takeru and only once."

"The night of Taichi's funeral?"

"Y-yes, but that was it, I swear!"

"What are we going to tell your father?"

They had called Mr. Ishida and Miss Takaishi, who arrived with Takeru in tow. The two teenagers sat in the living room while their parents spoke in the kitchen.

"I'm sorry this happen," Takeru said, "I'm sorry I let myself get carried away."

Hikari shook her head. "I wanted it to happen. That…that night was such a relief, such a break from everything." She sighed, "But this is my punishment."

He blinked. "Punishment?"

Their parents entered the room. Takeru jumped to his feet and bowed in front of the Yagamis. "Sir, Ma'am, I'm sorry that…"

"Save it!" Mr. Yagami barked. He looked at his daughter, "We've decided that since you're both sixteen, this choice is yours. Are you going to keep the baby or not?"

Hikari rested her hand on her stomach. "I can't abort it. I took a life from this world, and now I have to bring one into it."

Their parents gasped. "Hikari," Mrs. Yagami said, "What are you saying?"

Takeru frowned. "Hikari, it's not your fault that Taichi…"

"Yes it is!" she sobbed, "It's all because of me that he's gone!"

"But that digimon took you, right?" her mother asked, "It wasn't your fault that…"

"Yes it was," she cried, "It's me he wanted, it me they always want!" She wrapped her arms around her torso, "And Taichi paid the price. This is my punishment, I have to accept it."

Yamato stood on the cliff in the Digital World, his eyes searching the desert below him. "How certain are you that he's here?" Gabumon questioned.

"Latest surveillance said so," Yamato responded.

His partner was quiet for another moment. "The sun's already rising. If he likes the dark so much, he's not going to show himself now."

"He'll make a mistake, he'll show himself."

"…How?"

"I don't know!" he snapped.

Gabumon winced and Yamato sighed. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…"

"There you two are."

Birdramon descended from the sky and Sora hoped off. "Have you been out here all night?"

"Couldn't sleep."

Gabumon yawned. "Which meant I couldn't either."

"He's out there," Yamato said, "I'm gonna find that bastard and then rip out his heart, if he even has one."

Sora frowned. "Yamato, I know that it's tough, it's been tough on all of us, but you can't shoulder this by yourself…"

"I'm the one who can," he said, "I'm the one with the Mega digimon." His fingers clenched into a fist, "And for what he did to Taichi, for what he he's doing to Hikari…!" He slammed his fist into a tree.

"Yamato!" Sora gasped. She rushed over and examined his knuckles. They were raw and bleeding.

"What if her parents disown her?" he asked as Sora wrapped her handkerchief around his hand.

"I don't think the Yagamis would…"

"But what if they do?"

Sora sighed softy. "Yamato, what's this really about?"

"I should have been watching her, I should have seen what she was going through."

She blinked. "Hikari? Yamato, I love Hikari like a sister, but…but she and Takeru made their choice."

"But I could have stopped them…should have stopped them, should have watched her like Taichi would…"

He slammed his other hand into the tree. "If I had only been a few seconds faster I could have back them up! Taichi and Wargreymon might still be here if…"

"Yamato," Gabumon frowned, "We were going as fast as we could…"

Sora stared at her boyfriend. "Yamato, you need to stop this." She wrapped his other hand, "I'm running out of handkerchiefs."

He stared at her and then chuckled. That chuckle erupted into a full laugh that echoed through the morning sky.

"It wasn't that funny," she said.

Her cellphone ring cut through the moment. "Yes….What?"

Yamato swallowed. "What now?"

"That was Takeru. We need to get to Hikari right away!" she said.

Hikari emerged from her bedroom to the sight of her father having breakfast at the table; he was usually gone before she awoke. "Good morning," she smiled.

Her father stared at her, eyes a mixture of rage and sorrow. Their relationship had been reduced to a few obligatory greetings the past few days. "Morning."

Her mother's eyes were more of a mix of sadness and worry, though a glint of happiness appeared today. "That's the first time you smiled in the morning since your brother's death."

"That's because I had great news last night. Everything's going to be okay."

"How?" her father barked.

She grinned. "Taichi told me in a dream that he was going to reincarnate as my child."

Author's note: Well, what do you think? Interesting? Weird? Should I continue?