Weirdo and Weirdo

Chapter 4: Threat Level God

She knocked carefully on the apartment door, after waiting and psyching herself up for a whole minute after she landed. Tatsumaki had managed to sleep through to the afternoon, then woken up, gotten dressed, and had paced nervously around her living room while trying to figure out what to do.

She didn't end up thinking of anything.

She had just flown over, hoping for the best.

Genos answered the door and looked at her, then stepped out and closed the door behind him. It was getting dark outside, and the abandoned quarter by the apartment was eerily silent. The green-haired woman looked away from the cyborg's stare and wrung her hands.

"I noticed you waiting outside. Saitama-sensei is not here right now."

She bit her lip, and the young man sighed. "If you're here to apologize to him, I will allow you to come in. Otherwise I'll run you off myself."

She nodded. "I just want to talk with him. You don't need to make threats."

"Good." He opened the door and gestured for her to come in.

As she sat down at the small table and looked around, Tatsumaki reflected that it had not been terribly long since she was here last, but sitting there, it felt like a very long time.

Genos did not offer her coffee, or tea. He just returned to doing the dishes.

When he was finished, he came to sit down across from her.

"I have been observing Saitama-sensei for a few months now," the cyborg began. "Throughout that whole time, you've been around him. Sometimes you were terse, or rude, but you seemed to be at least a genuine friend. I even thought you two were together."

She said nothing.

"After learning from him for all this time, I thought I had a pretty good idea of what sensei was like. I was continually amazed by his equanimity. Nothing ever seemed to phase him. Nothing bothered him. One day I happened to mention the Hero Association's emergency threat levels to him, and he didn't even know what they were. After I explained them, I joked that they didn't matter to sensei, since they were all the same to him." Genos looked at her seriously. "Do you know how he replied? He told me 'Of course not! If heroes run away, who's left to help?'"

He paused a moment, then took a deep breath before continuing. "Master is a real hero. He doesn't care about rankings, or acclaim, or even strength. I believe that is how he became as powerful as he is today. But I realized after what happened with you, and then with the Sea King, that I did not really know him at all. He is willing to let others hate him. But it is not because he feels nothing."

Genos stood up and looked down at her, then tossed a folded piece of paper on the table. "Read that. It came in the mail for Saitama-sensei today. I'm going out for the evening. Master is already headed this way, and at his current speed should arrive in less than a half hour."

He paused at the door for a moment when she spoke up. "Thanks, Genos. You know… I'm glad you're Saitama's disciple."

He made a soft smile at that. "I am as well. Good luck, Ms. Tatsumaki."

….

"Hey Genos, I'm back," Saitama called as he closed the apartment door behind him. "I already had dinner so…" His voice fell away to nothing.

Tatsumaki was sitting at the table. She was staring at that hateful letter from earlier. When she looked up at him, he could see that she was trying desperately not to cry.

She floated up and extended her hand over toward him, but then stopped, her arm folding back against her chest.

"I'm so sorry, Saitama," she said softly.

He just stared at her, his mouth hanging open. He had not expected to ever see her here again.

She looked away from him and sniffled.

"Tatsumaki… why are you here?" he asked. It hurt to ask, really. He wasn't sure he was going to like what she had to say. "Is it about that stuff?" He gestured to the letter on the table. "That's not your fault. I just-"

"No!" she interjected loudly.

He stopped speaking and waited.

"No," she said more softly. "I mean, that's part of why I'm here. But not really." She looked up at him again. "Do you want to, I mean, will you sit down? Please?"

Now confused and anxious, Saitama sat down wordlessly, while she returned to sit on the opposite side of the table.

"My sister came to see me yesterday. I hadn't been answering the phone, or leaving my bedroom. She was…" The woman sighed heavily. "She was worried about me. Even with all the things I said, she was still worried. She dragged me out of bed and we talked."

He stayed quiet, just listening.

"I told her I wanted to fix things. Then she showed me a video of what happened in City J the other day."

"Ah, Tatsumaki, it's ok," he replied. "I'll be fine."

"No, you won't!" she said angrily.

Saitama could see tears running down her cheeks.

He had never seen her cry before, and was too stunned to reply.

"You won't. I know you're strong, but you're still human. And that was… having to do that… it was awful." She swallowed audibly, and he tried to ignore the sick, tense feeling in his throat.

"I didn't come here about that, exactly."

"What is it then?" he asked, his voice tight.

"At Fubuki's, when I yelled at you and told you we weren't in a relationship-"

"Look," he broke in, fumbling over his words and looking down, "I don't know where I got it. I just read it all wrong and took things the wrong way, and I hope the past few weeks I didn't act like a creep OK? I just didn't know what the hell I was doing. I didn't want to push you, and maybe that was the right idea, since you weren't feeling the same way."

He took a breath, then bowed his head to her so he wouldn't have to see her pity for him. It wasn't as bad as the Sea King thing had been though. He was telling the truth after all.

"I'm sorry, Tatsumaki."

"STOP IT!" she cried out, flying across the table to lift up his head with her hands. "Please, stop!" she sobbed. "This is all wrong, this isn't what I wanted!"

He met her teary eyes, not sure how to feel any longer. "What do you mean?"

"I thought we were dating too! I didn't want to say it out loud, I thought you'd just say no, or laugh it off. I've never had a boyfriend! No one was ever close to me except Fubuki, and I didn't know what to do when she suddenly said it out loud!" She said it all in a rush. "No one ever treated me like you did, like a real woman." She looked down, her hands falling limp onto his shoulders. "It was… really wonderful."

Saitama looked at her, shocked. "You mean, I was right? You like me?" He knew he sounded like a kid, but he didn't have the words to say it any other way.

Tatsumaki turned her head away and suddenly looked very small. "Well, yeah. I like you a lot Saitama. I've never felt like this with anyone before."

Suddenly, the letter on the table, the sneering press coverage, and the ugly looks of some of the people around town just left his head entirely, and he smiled at her. "Really? Cause that's how I feel too, Tatsu."

Then he pulled her in for a hug, and tried not to squeeze too tightly.

She enjoyed it for a moment, then hugged him back. After a moment she drew back and looked at him, smiling and no longer crying.

Then she leaned in and kissed him.

She had never kissed anyone before, so she was not sure she knew what she was doing, but she decided to go for it and parted her lips.

Everything she felt, she was feeling for the first time. Her tongue against his, the shuddering breath when one of his hands cupped the back of her head and his fingers threaded through her hair, the crazy feeling of intoxication when he pulled her down or she knocked him backward or whatever it was that was happening to her.

By the time she regained a hazy sense of what she was doing, he was laying over her, and she was on the floor. Tatsumaki's heart was pounding, and it felt like it was pumping ninety percent adrenaline through her body.

Saitama looked at her with a very serious expression, caught his breath, and kissed her again.

….

"So I was thinking," she said softly, playing with her hair, "that I've been wrong about a lot of things."

They were still mostly dressed, lying on his futon. Her shirt was hanging open, his was off, and she was sporting a few interesting bite marks, but they had stopped before going any further.

It had been awfully hard to stop, but Saitama was a guy who was pretty well in control of himself.

Plus, neither of them wanted to screw things up.

"Wrong about what?" he asked, watching her.

"My sister, I guess. The other heroes. How people look at me. What I should care about. I think I've been worried about all the wrong things."

"You know, I told your sister I wasn't interested in joining the Blizzard Group."

"Really? When?"

"Right before you flew in, actually."

She frowned a little. "What did you say to her?"

"I told her she had the same kind of bad ideas you did."

She stopped playing with her hair and looked right at him. "You're going to have to explain that one."

He shrugged, a carefree expression back on his face. "She gathers all those people together to hoard power in the B-class, then has a good time swooping in to rescue them. Fubuki just holds herself back at a rank she isn't satisfied with. She's afraid of being too weak to be the top of A-class. Remember, you said you hated everyone who actually is weak? Fubuki's keeps herself busy trying to be a hero to her group so she can forget about being scared to match up with anything tougher. She's miserable because she's believing the same stuff you said you believed."

Tatsumaki took a moment to digest that. "I guess you might be right. I've hounded her about it for so long that I never realized she might just hate being weak as much as I hated her not trying to prove her strength."

She hugged him and hid her face against his chest.

"After I saw what you did in City J, I think I understood a little better what you meant. Strength isn't everything. Even when you never lose, it doesn't mean much by itself. It's what you do with what you have that matters."

"Come on Tatsu, don't make me sound like some wise old monk," he joked, running his fingers through her hair. "I get enough of that from Genos."

She leaned her head back to look at him. "You're smarter than you give yourself credit for."

"And you're nicer than you give yourself credit for." He smirked. "When you want to be."

She smiled happily, then leaned in close to him again.

"Hey, I wanted to tell you something. I was afraid. Afraid that Fubuki would talk about some things that happened to us, but now I think I want to tell you myself."

"All right, Tatsu," he said. "Want me to make some coffee for you?"

"Yeah," she said as she sat up. "That'd be nice." She started buttoning her shirt, but realized that he was staring at her, so she tried what she hoped was a sexy expression and teased him a little. "Interested, baldy?"

"Hmm…" he said absently, still staring, then abruptly looked at her face. "Uh, yeah. I'll make coffee."

She was blushing, but she was glad to see that he was too.

A few minutes later she was sitting back at the table. Saitama had removed the offending letter from earlier, and set it aside.

"It's hard to talk about, I guess," she began. "I asked about why you became a hero, but I never really told you why I became one." She sipped her coffee and looked away. "When we were kids, Fubuki and me, we were obviously espers. When we were still young, a group approached my family and offered money to more or less take custody us. My family gave us away."

She frowned, and Saitama motioned her to continue.

"They kept us for a long time. I was a lab rat, basically, and Fubuki was like a control for the experiment. It was…" She looked distant. "Horrible. But one day, someone broke into the facility, maybe by accident, maybe just good luck. It was Blast. He turned and looked at me, and I was so happy to be rescued, to be able to be free… but he told me, 'When the time comes, don't go expecting someone to come save you,' and then he left us alone." She took another sip of her coffee. "I decided to become strong after that, so no one would ever need to save me again."

"So why be a hero?" he asked.

"I guess even though I think people should try to be strong, Blast rescued me when I was weak. I don't want people hurt just because they're weak."

"Me either," he replied, then reached across the table to take her hand. "You're plenty strong, Tatsumaki."

"I guess," she said softly, then looked at him and smiled. "So, you think you're stronger? We never did have that spar."

He looked contemplative, then shrugged. "Maybe we can do it for fun sometime."

"Hmm… so you never had a girlfriend?" She asked.

"Nah, never had one in school. Then when I was working, well, I couldn't afford one. And after I started training I was too busy." He paused, then touched his scalp. "Plus I lost my hair about a year and a half into training, so I figured a girlfriend wasn't in the cards."

"I like the way you look, baldy," she smiled.

"Well, you're not so bad to look at either," he replied with a smile of his own.

"I'm exhausted, Saitama," she said after a moment, fidgeting with her coffee mug. "Can I, ah, can I stay over tonight?"

"Sure, Tatsu. Let's get some sleep." It would be a tight fit on his futon, but he wasn't going to complain.

….

The next morning, Tatsumaki woke up feeling very warm. She could feel Saitama's arms around her, and she could tell from his breathing that he was still asleep. She didn't want to get up. Things were perfect.

She snuggled closer to him, and her heart beat a little faster.

Then she realized she could smell fresh coffee brewing.

Frowning a little, she floated out of Saitama's arms, careful to let him remain asleep, and kept floating around the corner and into the living area. There, as she had expected, was Genos.

He nodded in her direction, his expression stoic.

"Good morning, Genos," Tatsumaki said quietly, then yawned and floated over to the coffee maker.

"Good morning, Ms. Tatsumaki," he returned.

It was clear he wanted to know something, but couldn't quite make himself ask about it.

She got some coffee for herself in a Hero Association mug, then went to sit down across from the cyborg.

She hadn't considered this at all last night. Of course, it was just one of a thousand things she had not considered, because they were of secondary importance. Saitama had told her how he felt, so she was confident she could deal with the other stuff.

She just wasn't totally sure how, so she drank a little more coffee.

Genos remained silent.

"I apologized last night, and we're dating." When she got no reaction, she continued. "I think he's happy."

Genos nodded and looked relieved. "I'm really glad, for both of you."

"Both of us?" She asked.

"You look very happy as well."

She had to look away at that, and tried to cover her surprise by drinking some more coffee.

"I hope you know I'll be here to support him. He's not going to deal with all this alone," she said, still trying to be quiet. "I'm not going anywhere now."

Genos smiled a little at that. "Neither am I, Ms. Tatsumaki. He is still my sensei, and I will be following him for as long as he allows it."

"You're so serious, you know that, cyborg?" she said with a little laugh. "But I'm really grateful that you were here with him. Thanks, Genos." She took a breath. "And I'm sorry for, well, a bunch of things, but I'm sorry for being kind of a bitch to you for the last… well, since I've known you."

The younger man was quiet for a moment, then looked right at her. "Well, I understand that it wasn't personal. You're kind of a bitch to everyone, right?"

She just stared at him, then snickered, then laughed and looked away. "God damn it. All of a sudden you've got an attitude. But you're not wrong." She gave him a half-smile. "Keep telling it like it is, Genos. I think I like you better this way."

Saitama chose that moment to wander into the room, gravitating to the coffee machine initially before sitting down beside the green-haired woman and giving her a slightly hesitant kiss.

He smiled when she gave him one in return.

"Well," he coughed, then looked over and Genos. "Morning."

"Good morning, sensei. Should I prepare breakfast?" Genos replied, ignoring his master's awkwardness

"Eh," Tatsumaki floated up over the table. "I think I'll take care of it today."

Saitama and Genos just exchanged amused looks with one another.

"I can do this myself, you know. I know how to cook lots of things! You'd better appreciate it!"

"We will."

"Thanks Tatsu."

Tatsumaki smiled and got to work. It was going to be a good day. She was going to make sure of that.

….

"So," Tatsumaki said while Saitama washed the dishes, "I want to go visit my sister today."

"Oh, all right."

"...you need to come too, you know," she added, slightly annoyed.

"You sure she's not busy today?"

"I just messaged her."

"All right. When do we leave?"

She looked at him a little curiously. "You don't mind?"

"Going to see your sister? No, not really," he replied.

"I meant me telling you we were going I guess. Was I being pushy?" She sounded a little nervous now.

He looked confused. "You're not being pushy. I figured you might want to talk about this with her anyway." He finished up with the dishes and sat down next to her. "Don't worry, Tatsu. If you do something I don't like, I'll tell you. Just make sure you do the same for me." He scratched his head. "I'd rather be obvious and clear out loud than just screw it up trying to read the mood."

She gave a relieved sigh and smiled at him. "Good. I don't want to screw up again either."

"So, when are we leaving?" he asked again.

"I need to go home and get some other clothes, shower I guess." Her eyes brightened a little. "Hey, you've never come by my place before. Let's go now."

"Sure," he said easily.

"Oh, and make sure to wear something kind of nicer than usual."

"What do you mean?"

"In the interest of looking like a couple, I thought we could avoid your cape and my usual dress."

"But I love the way you look in that dress," he replied guilelessly.

"Oh...well...I guess we could go like that then…" Tatsumaki played idly with her hair and started floating.

"Plus I can kind of guess that my clothes aren't gonna pass muster, Tatsu." He sighed. "Maybe it's time to go shopping."

"Now that sounds like a fun date, you know," she said in a painfully leading tone.

"Is it a date then?" he asked, grinning.

"It's a date," she replied happily.

"Master, pretending to read does not mean I cannot hear your personal discussion. I am still here," Genos called from behind the newspaper.

"I'm going to get dressed," Tatsumaki said hastily.

"Yeah. Me too."

"Please enjoy yourselves," the cyborg replied, still behind the paper.

….

"Wow, your place is super nice, Tatsu. You must be rich, right?"

She shrugged and floated toward the kitchen for a glass of water. "The Association pays me a lot, and I don't use it for much. Want something to drink?"

Saitama didn't reply, and when she turned around she had to look embarrassed. He was pointing at a three-foot tall stuffed egg in the corner of the living room.

"You really kept that?"

"Well you won it for me, didn't you?" she said, turning back to get him some cold tea. "I tried sleeping with it, but it smells really weird."

She heard him snickering, but chose not to comment on it. Then she had a thought.

Time for revenge. Let's see what you do with this!

Tatsumaki floated his glass of tea over, then flew over toward her bedroom, unbuttoning her shirt. "Hey, baldy, I'm going to shower." She turned slowly and looked at him, made sure he was in fact staring at her, and then turned and floated casually into the next room. "Make yourself at home," she called and waved over her shoulder.

Tatsumaki did her best to conceal the excited grin on her face. First, she made sure to leave the bedroom door open. Second, she audibly ruffled her clothes as she took them off, taking longer than normal to do so. Third, she sighed and stretched before floating to the bathroom.

She was positive he heard her.

Now, the coup de grace! What are you going to do, Saitama?

She left the bathroom door open.

Stepped into the shower.

Started washing very slowly, and humming softly.

Perfect!

A minute went by, then another. She stopped humming.

Come on dummy! Do I have to drag you in here myself or what?

By the time she started washing her hair she was no longer excited, and instead just miffed. Finishing up, she wrapped a towel around her head and threw on a robe, then marched out into the living room.

"Hey, didn't you see that I left the door open? You were supposed to come check me out, or lean into the shower, or take advantage of me!"

Saitama turned to look at her from his position lazing on her sofa. "Eh? That'd be super creepy Tatsu. I'm not doing that uninvited."

She stared at him, mouth open. He stared back, scratching his stomach.

Tatsumaki shrieked and crashed into him, the towel around her hair flying off across the room. She was holding him by the shoulders and looking at him with a frown. "You were interested though, right? Tempted? Thinking about me in the shower? Come on!"

When he didn't reply, she started to get angry, but then realized her robe was open. And he wasn't looking at her face. And his eyes were pretty serious.

He looked up at her, and she blushed heavily.

"This is an invitation, Tatsu, just FYI."

Then he pulled her down and kissed her.

….

Glasses opened the door at Fubuki's place for them, looking like he was about to have a stroke.

"Hey, look, don't be so freaked out. Sorry about the last time," Tatsumaki said, trying not to look at the guy.

"It's, uh, it's fine, Ms. Tatsumaki," Glasses said, wide eyed at the very idea of Senritsu no Tatsumaki apologizing for something. He looked over at Saitama, who seemed to be mildly amused, then noticed the package floating behind them in a green aura. He swallowed nervously. "Anyway, please follow me."

They entered the main room to see Fubuki fiddling with a teapot, while the other members of the Blizzard Group hung around chattering. They quieted down when they saw their guests.

Before her sister could saying anything, Tatsumaki spoke up. "Oi, Fubuki, is this everyone who was here last time?"

Fubuki looked at her curiously. "Yes, it is."

"Well then, listen up," she replied, then took a deep breath. "My apologies for being a brat last time!" She said, bowing her head.

Dead silence. Then, "Not bad, Tatsu," as Saitama patted her on the back.

She raised her head and smiled softly at him. The members of the Blizzard Group just stared, astonished.

"Ahem," Fubuki coughed, getting everyone's attention. "On behalf of the Blizzard Group, we accept your apology, onee-chan." Then she smiled. "Come sit down and have some tea, all right?"

"Oh, and I brought this cake," the smaller esper said, floating the package over to the table. "You know, as an apology."

No one quite knew what to say to that.

"So I take it you've talked things out?" Fubuki inquired after they had sat down and gotten settled. The Group members were busily sharing the cake.

Tatsumaki glanced at Saitama, and took his hand, smiling. "Yeah, we did." She faced her younger sister with more tenderness than Fubuki had seen from her in a long time. "Thanks, imouto. You really saved me."

Fubuki looked at her older sister, amazed. "I, I'm glad onee-chan. You look happy."

"Yeah, I am. It feels pretty great," she replied. She nudged Saitama. "Hey say something."

"Huh? Ah, yeah. I'm pretty happy about this. Never had a girlfriend before, and Tatsu's totally cute."

Tatsumaki stared at him, pouting. "That's all you've got? Really?"

"Ah, onee-chan, maybe he's just…" Fubuki's voice trailed off from her worried defense of the bald hero as she noticed something.

Her sister was teasing her boyfriend.

"C'mon Tatsu. I can't give some big romantic speech about you to your sister." He shook his head and put his hands up in a gesture of surrender, then looked at Fubuki. "Sorry, this is what I've got."

Tatsumaki slugged him ineffectually, and Fubuki started laughing. "Imouto? What's the deal?"

"Nothing, it's nothing. Just glad to see you feeling better. So, what are you guys going to do now?"

"What do you mean?" Saitama asked, curious.

"Like, are you going to make a statement that you're dating? Go out and defend Saitama's reputation? Do talk shows?"

"Gross, imouto."

"No way are we doing that."

"What about all the rumors and the speculation, though?" Fubuki asked, a little worried now.

"Hmm, I don't care. I'm a hero because I want to be. I'll just keep doing what I do." Saitama shrugged.

"He's happier not caring about it, and honestly I think he's right," Tatsumaki assented. "I mean, as long as we're not actually hated, and we can get the job done, who cares? I'm not Amai Mask giving lame concerts over here." She looked over at the bald hero. "Plus, can you really see some big romantic interview going well?"

Fubuki sighed in resignation. "OK, I see your point. Can't you at least tell the Association to release a statement or something? That way they won't try to deny it when the media asks."

"Ugh, I guess. I'll tell them this week." Tatsumaki rolled her eyes.

"I just don't want to see you guys get too much trouble over this." Fubuki said.

"Thanks for worrying about us, imouto."

"Yeah. That's pretty nice of you, Fubuki." He took a sip of his tea. "I think we're fine as long as Tatsu and me are on the same page though. I've got her back."

The smaller woman fidgeted cutely in her chair. "Yeah, we'll watch out for each other. We're all heroes here, you know?"

"Yeah," Fubuki said, looking happy. "We are."

….

The next week, after multiple forceful refusals for interviews, the Hero Association announced that Senritsu no Tatsumaki was dating Saitama, B-class rank 40. Reactions were mixed among the public, but most heroes were just flabbergasted. The Terror, dating? Surely the poor guy was going to die as soon as he said something about her bad attitude. He had to be either a masochist, suicidal, or just stupid.

The next few weeks found the couple getting more positive press for wandering around and fighting monsters, and occasional shots of them out shopping or otherwise acting normal went a long way toward normalizing public opinion about them both.

For Saitama and Tatsumaki, things were good.

….

"Hahahahaha!" Senritsu no Tatsumaki laughed crazily, her eyes wide with pupils shrunk to pinpricks and her green hair flying around her face. "Survived that too, huh? Well how about this?"

Above her, almost a kilometer above ground, about ten tons of rock in the form of massive boulders ripped from a nearby canyon gleamed with an ominous green light.

As one, the boulders accelerated, far in excess of the velocity they would have attained had they simply fallen from that height. They were like meteors, each one capable of immense destruction.

And they all fell onto one five square meter patch of land.

Metal Bat covered his eyes and looked on in horror while the dust settled. He had just caught sight of the battle, and he was close enough to make out both the maniacal look on Tatsumaki's face and the calm, almost expectant one on the man who had just been mercilessly bombarded.

"Hey! HEY! FUCKING TORNADO UP THERE!" he shouted, infuriated.

"Eh?" She looked down to see the other S-class hero screaming his pompadour off at her. "What's your problem?" she asked, floating closer to him.

"My problem? MY PROBLEM? HOLY FUCK YOU LITTLE BRAT! YOU KILLED HIM!"

"What the hell are you talking about, idiot?" She frowned at him and crossed her arms with a huff. "You're interrupting here. And don't call me a brat."

"Oi, you little bitch, you mean I'm interrupting you murdering a guy in cold blood?" He struck his bat against his open palm. "I always knew you were mean as a snake, but this is some serious shit. What did he do, huh? Forget to buy you candy or something?" He shook his head and pointed at her with the bat. "I'm gonna take you down."

"Hey, bat dude, I'd rather you didn't do that. She's my girlfriend you know."

Metal Bat's mouth hung open in astonishment. The bald guy in the cape was just walking over from the crater shaking some rock out of his belt.

"It didn't even hurt, did it?" Tatsumaki asked, flying over to him with an exasperated sigh. "It's like your dumb face is invulnerable or something."

"Hey, you two," Metal Bat asked, his voice shaking.

"Yeah?"

"What is it, punk?"

"Either of you want to tell me WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?"

….

"So, you guys were just training?" he asked, still a little incredulous.

They were sitting at a tiny cafe on the outskirts of City Z, the closest place with air conditioning they could find.

"Tatsu wanted to go all out for a bit, so we came out here," Saitama confirmed.

Metal Bat facepalmed and drank some of his peach soda. "Well the Association guys thought it was some big monster busting things up out here, cause people could see some explosions from the highway, and I was around." He side-eyed Saitama. "That crap really didn't hurt you, man?"

"Nothing hurts this bald blockhead, apparently," Tatsumaki interjected. "You wouldn't believe the stuff I've seen him take and dish out, Bat." She idly stirred her coffee. "And I'm pretty sure he could have dodged that last one if he had wanted to." She narrowed her eyes and looked at the caped hero. "Right?"

"Eh," he scratched his head and looked away. "Maybe."

Tatsumaki rolled her eyes. "Figures."

"Oi, baldy," Metal Bat looked over at Saitama seriously. "Why are you dating this annoying brat, anyway?"

She started glowing green.

"She's totally cute. Haven't you noticed?" he replied offhand.

Her green aura faded, and was quickly replaced with a superior smirk.

Metal Bat looked at him, then at her, then took another drink and looked into the middle distance. "Whatever you're into, bro." He couldn't wait to tell Zenko about this crazy pair.

….

"You had better go get me some coffee and a snack, Suit #2, before I really start to lose my temper here," Tatsumaki announced in irritation. The bespectacled Association worker paled, then ran out of the lounge to fulfil her order.

Or maybe just get away from her.

"Ugh."

I thought I was getting more personable, or at least better at staying calm? Maybe everyone gets to be frustrated sometimes…

She had had plans today. Tatsumaki, Saitama, and Genos had all been invited for lunch and a cool demonstration at Bang's dojo. She had been really looking forward to it, since she genuinely liked Bang.

He was a sincerely nice old man, never acted like a jerk, and always treated her like an adult.

Maybe a little bit like a granddaughter, too. She didn't want to actually say it out loud, but she found that comforting.

Anyway, she liked the old guy, so she had been excited to see him, particularly since Saitama had told her about the couple of times they had met already. The green haired woman was also planning to invite Saitama over that night.

So of course things had been derailed that morning when she woke up to her phone ringing, and a request to destroy some weird giant monster that had popped out of a mountain range or something.

They had flown her out there since it was far away from civilization, plus the monster was on the move anyway. When they'd finally dropped her off, they had called her not ten seconds later to come back!

I swear. It's like they did it on purpose!

So she had wrecked the monster, gotten back on the plane, flown back to City A, and been escorted to headquarters.

And then they told her to wait for all the other S-class heroes to gather up for a meeting.

That had been almost two hours ago now. Her entire day had been one giant series of annoyances.

At least Saitama and Genos were on their way to the Hero Association headquarters with Bang. Her boyfriend had confirmed that by text, and she had decided not to call him just to complain while he was with the other two.

So now, she was just waiting. Not her strong suit on the best day, so she had ended up snapping at the Association guy.

The suit came back in a moment later while she was floating in the middle of the room on her back, and she went over to grab the coffee and what appeared to be not only a bagel, but also a slice of coffee cake, a bottle of water, and a sandwich.

I must have really scared the guy…

"Hey, you," she said, floating down to look at him. "Thanks for this. It's been a crummy morning."

He gaped, then seemed to recover. "Uh, it's no problem, Ms. Tatsumaki. Sorry for all the trouble today." He still looked nervous.

"It's not like it was your fault or anything," she said, waving him away and grabbing the sandwich. "Let me know when Genos and Bang get here, all right?"

"Sure, I mean, yes, of course Ms. Tatsumaki! Let me know if you need anything else."

He walked out of the room somewhat calmly.

Is this progress?

At least the sandwich was good.

….

She was a little irritated to see Atomic Samurai act so dismissive toward Saitama, but as usual he didn't look bothered. Still, she figured he could use a pick-me-up, so she floated over to him and gave him a hug.

"Hey Tatsu!" He hugged her back, then looked at her oddly. "That samurai guy says 37 isn't middle aged. Am I wrong, or is he?"

"I don't know why I even worry about you, you know?" She let him go and floated backward with a shrug, and nodded a hello at Genos, who returned it with a typically grave expression.

"Tatsumaki, you're looking well," Bang greeted her with one of those enigmatic old man smiles of his.

"Thanks Bang," she replied with a grin. If she were any younger she was certain he would try to ruffle her hair or something. "Sorry I couldn't make it today."

"It appears none of us could avoid work after all," he noted, gesturing for them to continue down the hallway. "Any idea what this is about?"

"Nope. Just been waiting around here for two hours. It had better not be some pointless garbage. It might be nice to see Blast though."

"Are the S-class heroes often called in for meetings like this?" Genos asked.

"Not often," Bang replied. "They can be a volatile group."

"Yeah, talk about a bunch of egomaniacs," Tatsumaki noted offhand.

All three of them stared at her with blank faces.

"What?"

….

Yeah. Waste of time.

So the great seer was dead, and the Association had zero idea about anything apart from a six month time scale. What was the rush exactly?

"But it could come tomorrow, or even today," Saitama noted offhand.

"You're right. Wait, aren't you Tatsumaki's boyfriend?" Sitch asked, a little perplexed.

The bald hero looked up at the ceiling, a little embarrassed. "Yeah, I am."

Then everything shook violently. A moment later, there was a far stronger tremor, and alarms started blaring crazily. At the head of the table, Sitch was now screaming that City A had been almost entirely wiped out.

While the other heroes started asking pointless questions, Tatsumaki just flew over to Saitama and caught his arm while he was in the process of standing up.

"Going somewhere?" she asked with a sugary tone and an angry expression.

"Ah, well, I thought I'd go check things out…" He looked up absently.

"All right then," she said, shaking her head. "Don't run off without me though."

"Sure thing!" he agreed, and then disappeared. She looked at the hole in the ceiling and rolled her eyes. Then she flew up after him.

"That's big," she heard him comment absently.

"Yeah, you're not wrong. Aliens, I guess?"

"Looks like it. I'll jump up and get a look at it, all right?"

He jumped without waiting for an answer, and she just flew up after him.

Then a hail of shells, each about ten meters in diameter, fired out from the craft, directly toward them and the Association building.

"Great." she halted them all in flight, and looked at Saitama. "I'll just send these back."

They detonated quite impressively against the ship's hull. Still, the thing was the size of a city, and it wasn't moving.

They landed back on the roof.

"Tatsu, I'm gonna jump over and get in there and look for their boss." He said calmly.

She wanted to go with him, she really did. But she knew it was going to be impossible for anyone else to intercept another barrage of artillery from the ship. And although it rankled to admit it to herself, she figured she might actually slow him down.

"All right baldy. Don't screw around in there, all right? Get it done and come back here. I'll try to bring this stupid ship down." The Esper crossed her arms.

"Stay safe, Tatsu," Saitama said softly.

He paused.

So did she.

Then she flew over, grabbed him, and kissed him full on the mouth.

"I love you, you idiot," she confessed, her arms tight around his shoulders.

Saitama looked at her with genuine tenderness. "I love you too, Tatsumaki. I'll be back in a hurry."

"You'd better. Your girlfriend's apartment just exploded, so she's going to need a place to sleep."

He grinned at that. "Good luck, Tatsu."

"You too, Saitama," she said, giving him one last kiss before floating away.

He looked at her for a long moment, then turned and jumped toward the ship.

It was less than thirty seconds before the other heroes showed up on the roof.

She didn't bother yelling or even really getting involved in their discussion. She was already angry enough at these idiot aliens. She didn't know why they were here, and she didn't care. They were going down.

And if Saitama got hurt? She didn't want to think it was possible. But if it happened? She would tear that damned ship in half and hurl it into the sun.

"He's already on the ship, Genos," she said absently, clenching her fists. "I'm headed out."

"Stay safe, Ms. Tatsumaki," he said, staring at the ship.

Was this the prophecy? She didn't really care. She was a hero, and it was time to do her job.

….

She'd been cruising for potential threats on the ground, finding nothing, and gathering up some rubble for ammunition when something caught her attention from the direction of the ship.

"Hey, I sense some pretty powerful psychic powers!" She paused, then shrugged. "And it's gone. Good job Saitama, I guess."

She flew over to where the only surface invader (from what she had found anyway) was engaged in a battle with Bang, Atomic Samurai, Metal Bat, Puri Puri Prisoner, and one of Samurai's little apprentices. It looked like a pretty good fight.

Then she heard an enormous blast as the aliens opened fire again, and looked up.

"It is over. Retreat... is impossible. Die!" The weird many-face freak said as the concentrated fire from the alien spacecraft fell toward the assembled heroes.

The stupid thing was grinning, like it had already won. She could almost imagine it shouting about how weak earthlings were, and how attacking here wasn't even a challenge. It looked like the type to be chatty and superior.

Tatsumaki smiled and lifted one arm.

Every single shell stopped cold.

She watched the stupid alien's face go from mockery, to confusion, and then to horror. It was pretty satisfying to see.

"Hi boys!" she said, smirking. "Looks like this guy needs a whole spaceship's worth of firepower to cheat his way out of losing to you." She made sure the creature had heard her, and watched it get angry. "No cheating, fucker."

She twirled her wrist, and the shells turned back toward the ship, and started rotating. "You can have these back now."

A curtain of fire impacted the ship, which visibly shuddered. She was pretty sure she had hit every one of the gun ports too. But just to be certain, she flew up with a few tons of debris trailing along behind her.

No point in taking chances after all.

….

"You're doing it, Tornado! The ship is listing!"

"Eh?" Tatsumaki was pretty sure she was doing a number on this alien ship, but there was a lot of it to destroy. She couldn't imagine it was coming down already.

Must be him. What the hell is going on up there?

Ignoring the other heroes, Tatsumaki flew quickly upward, trying to see what had caused the ship to lose control.

Just before she made it up, a ludicrously powerful beam of energy blasted outward along the length of the ship. It took everything she had to shield the refracted part of it that almost hit her. Oh my god. Saitama!

Panicking, she blasted over the side of the ship. At the top, it was a wasteland of wreckage and slag. Over in the middle of it, his cape torn but apparently otherwise unharmed, was Saitama. Tatsumaki felt an immense sense of relief.

She flew closer, and heard a voice. It looked like whoever had been fighting against him.

"You're lying. You had strength to spare… I barely even fazed you…"

She heard a pained laugh from the husk as she grew closer.

"Prophecies are unreliable… you were too strong."

She met Saitama, who had turned away from the alien, and looked hollow.

"Hey," she said, worried. "You all right?" She could feel the ship shaking.

"Tatsu," he said, looking slightly better. "Yeah, I'm ok."

"What happened?" she asked, looking at the still form of the alien.

"He was looking for a challenge. Some seer told him he could find it here." The bald hero sounded depressed.

The ship trembled again, and then started to lose altitude.

"Overwhelming strength is boring, right?" she asked softly.

He didn't respond, and she gathered her courage.

"Lucky for you there are other things to care about," she said, and took his hand.

Saitama looked up at her, surprised, and then smiled. "Yeah, you're right Tatsu."

Then he kissed her, and she floated them both upward while the alien spaceship crashed to earth.

….

"You call this victory? Your incompetence amazes me!"

They overheard the argument between Amai Mask and the S-class heroes as they flew down from the sky.

They landed just as Amai Mask looked ready to fight Metal Bat.

"I protect Class A, rank 1 so no more losers like you can move up!"

"Hey, pretty boy," Tatsumaki called out, getting everyone's attention.

Mask turned to look at her, a little madness in his eyes. "What is it, Tornado? I see you didn't stop this either. The lot of you idiots-"

"Why don't you shut the fuck up?"

Amai Mask stared, shocked silent. Everyone else just watched her.

"These guys," she gestured to the other heroes, "actually did something today. They didn't show up to whine about it afterward like a little bitch. You wanna be a hero? Move up to class S and show up to the meetings."

She floated upward, crossed her arms, and looked down at him. "Otherwise go fuck yourself."

"...You know, baldy, I can kinda see why you like her now," Metal Bat offered to Saitama, who was grinning at his girlfriend.

Before things escalated further, a capsule landed nearby, and one of Metal Knight's drones emerged, ignoring all of them to investigate the fallen ship. Genos went over to confront him, while the others just watched as Tatsumaki turned her head up and floated back toward Saitama.

Amai Mask still looked pissed off, but he wasn't saying anything.

A moment later, Darkshine announced they had captured some alien prisoners.

But the heroes only saw the aliens chained up together for a few seconds before their heads flew off and blood splattered over the debris.

"Amai Mask! Why did you-" Darkshine began, floored.

"They must not live. They are evil. So I quickly delivered justice." So saying, he turned to walk away, ignoring the stares of the other heroes.

I need to make sure I never act anything like that jerk, Tatsumaki reflected.

"Master, are you all right? Did you defeat their leader?" Genos asked, once Mask had left.

"Oh yeah. He was pretty strong. Maybe the strongest I've ever faced."

"Then was this the danger to earth that the prophecy spoke of?"

"You know, I've recently learned that prophecies aren't very reliable."

Tatsumaki sighed, then remembered something. "So was there a psychic guy up there?"

"Ah, yeah. Like a weird squid guy I think." Saitama put his hands up and shrugged. "Pretty lame though, I mean he just tossed a whole bunch of pebbles at me."

"What a loser."

She was silent for a moment.

"The egg probably got incinerated, you know," she remarked.

"At least your console is safe at my place."

"And my coffee machine," she added.

"I think you mean my coffee machine," he noted gravely. "But you can come and use it whenever you want."

She smiled and slugged him on the shoulder. "Right. We're going to need a bigger place, you know."

"We?" he asked offhand, then looked at seriously. "Really?"

"Really. You should be grateful here, you know." She looked at him with a pout.

He reached out and ruffled her hair, smiling. "Don't worry, I'm grateful."

….

"Are you sure you want to live there?" Tatsumaki asked seriously.

"Why not? It's free!" Saitama replied.

"Well it would technically be my place, not yours," she noted absently. He was still in B-class after all.

"That doesn't bother me," he noted. "Plus I bet your place will be extra nice."

After the record-breaking recovery and reconstruction of the Hero Association headquarters by Metal Knight, she had been offered a free suite of apartments there. They apparently had gone all out when rebuilding.

"I have to admit, it might be nice," she agreed. Living with Saitama for the past week had been great in some ways, but the place was absolutely not for three people, or even two humans and a cyborg. When the two of them were alone together, though, it was pretty wonderful.

She had been positively giddy when they had had time alone this week.

"I believe I will receive my own living quarters there as well, Master," Genos noted. "I know you desire some privacy. But this way I will be able to remain close by for my training."

"Right," Saitama noted. "Thanks Genos."

The Esper tried to not to let her excitement show too much. This was going to be a big step, and she was really looking forward to it. She glanced over, and noticed Saitama's pleased expression. She was glad they were on the same page.

Tatsumaki wasn't sure what was coming their way next, but she was confident they could handle it together. More than that, she was looking forward to it.