A/N Hey y'all, just here to say that I'm doing perfectly fine and I like to apologize in advance for starting up yet another fanfic when I have so many others that I need to work on!
Except I do what I want, so sorry, not sorry!
Yeahhhh, I just recently beat the Camelot Singularity in Fate/Grand Order, so…in honor of that feat, because it was a pain in the ass to get through, I introduce you to yet another idea formed within the depths of the Gacha Meme Hell Discord Chat (formerly known as Clair de Lune).
FUN FACT: Bread and Bitter is actually the name of our general chat—so that's a thing!
Anyways, I was enabled—mainly by Alicitzen, as they are the reason I got dragged into the gacha hell that is FGO.
Speaking of Alicitzen, shout outs to them, Lyrecho, ShadedCat, kurobook, PartyFavors (Jadecore), and TheOnlyN (who helped IMMENSELY with this fic's summary) for taking part in the creation that is this fic!
Having said that, let's get this disclaimer out of the way! But before that, a quick announcement!
I have only beaten up to the Camelot Singularity and I am in no ways caught up with JP Fate/Grand Order, so please avoid any spoilers that come after the Camelot Singularity. Like, seriously—don't be that guy who spoils shit.
I want to experience this game for myself as it updates, so again, NO SPOILERS AFTER CAMELOT.
Anyways, disclaimer!
Disclaimer for the entire story: I don't own Fate/Grand Order or anything related to the Fate series!
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You know, there are probably better ways to spend the weekend that don't involve getting shit-faced drunk. There are certainly more responsible ways that are likely productive, too—but none of that crossed my mind as I was downing the fruity alcoholic cocktails that I had made in the kitchen. I just…needed to take my mind off of things and drinking seemed to be the best solution I can think of for the moment.
I don't plan on making this a habit—that's the last thing I ever wanted to do. I may not be the smartest person around, but I'm not that stupid.
Famous last words…
"Shut up, brain…" And I've reached the point where I've started talking to myself. Welp, that's enough drinking for me! I consider myself pretty lucky that my parents aren't home and today was just one of those days where I neglected to take my medication and had nothing better to do that would require me to drive.
I was surprisingly still conscious by the time I got back to my room. I grabbed my tablet off my desk and jumped into bed to play the few gacha games I have on it (which is honestly the only reason I have a tablet in the first place). This is probably the last thing I should be doing while under the influence but fuck it—this is my only form of entertainment until I inevitably pass out.
Only a matter of time…
I'm such a fucking lightweight—why did I do this to myself?! "Ooh, an apple!"
Sweet—I can keep playing!
"I love you too, Hans!" I slurred out while resisting the urge I had to kiss my tablet's screen. "And I love youuuuu, Oz…!"
God, I'm so pathetic…
"Fuck off, Tristan—you waste of a pretty boy." I was expecting memes and jokes when I got to Camelot—what the absolute fuck did I actually walk into?! Pain and suffering—that's what! "Can't wait to kick your ass…"
Assuming I don't get my ass thoroughly whooped…
Ahahaha, fuck me and my indecisive luck.
There isn't much that I remember after that. I just remember getting very comfortable in bed (I vaguely recall flirting with Ozymandias—I was really out of it) and that's that—out like a light. It's the same shit as usual. Just another case of me passing the fuck out because I'm an effing lightweight, except…
Something is off…
I feel so…light—like I'm floating in water, except when I move my fingers, there's nothing.
Nothing but air…
That's when an uncomfortable tingling sensation spreads throughout my skin. It grows stronger and stronger with each passing moment, making it increasingly difficult to remain asleep.
I don't…want to wake up.
My head feels so fuzzy—as though it's full of cotton.
Is this what it feels like to have a hangover?
"Uuurgh…" Go back to sleep, please…
"Fou? Kyuu…Kyuu?" I have never been that much of a morning person and this is certainly no exception. Please shut the fuck up, whoever the hell is there! "Fou! Fou…Fou!"
What the actual fuck?!
Something just licked my cheek! Okay…okay—that fucking woke me up. "Hrrrk…"
Oh god, why am I even awake?!
My vision practically swims when I open my eyes. The bright light really hurts and…hello, who the heck are you?
"Uhhh…" I stared blearily at the girl whose face is right in front of mine. Her hair color is the first thing that stands out to me in my extremely disoriented state, which happens to be a very pale shade of…purple?
Kinda looks pinkish…
Her hair barely brushes the tops of her shoulders, with long bangs that almost obscures both of her eyes. A dark purple eye peeks out, staring intently at me through a pair of glasses.
"Umm…this isn't a good place to sleep," she says to me.
All of a sudden, I become increasingly aware of the hard surface my body rests on—why the hell am I on the floor?! Waitwaitwait—hello?!
"This isn't my room." Where the hell is the mess that I've grown to tolerate to an extent instead of clean up due to depressive moods? "This isn't my beautiful house."
I don't recognize a god damn thing about this place and while my house was pretty average-looking, it still looked a lot nicer than this place and its empty hallways!
"You're not my beautiful husband!" I'm rambling at this point, but this girl looks nothing like Ozymandias!
Waaaay too pale!
The girl blinks. "I'm…nobody's spouse—you're married?"
"Nope." I shake my head—an action I immediately regret when my head starts to spin. "Uugh…"
"Are you okay?" she asks, sounding somewhat concerned.
"I'm…fine?" Huurk—give me a moment. Bleegh…
Don't throw up, don't throw up, don't throw up!
"Do you need some help?" The girl holds out her hand. "You shouldn't sleep in the hall—or do you need a hard bed?"
"I don't…" I prefer firm mattresses, but this beyond what I like! "I'm supposed to be in my room—where am I?"
Did I fucking leave the house in a drunken haze—is that it?
Oh man, Mama is not gonna like this…
"You're in an observatory." How the fuck did I find one on such a short notice?! I live in the middle of heckin' nowhere in the hot-as-hell state of Southern California! It's at least a three-hour ride to get anywhere worth notice and even my dumbass self knows better than to drive under the influence!
Especially after the shit that happened near the end of May when I lost control of the car and crashed it into a tree…which we don't speak of, now that it's become a joke amongst my older siblings.
It's funny when you guys do it, but when I do it to you guys, then all of a sudden everyone is pissed off because they can't take a joke!
I hate being the youngest…
"Fou!" A high-pitched cry reaches my ears in ways that make my head throb.
Oh god—that's too close!
"That's Fou, by the way." What the hell is a Fou?
Is that something you can eat? I'm hungry—Jesus fuck, what kind of animal is that?!
I jumped back at the sight of the white-colored ball of fluff that leapt off my shoulder. It stands on the floor on four feet, with long ears that almost remind me of some sort of rabbit. It's rather small, with violet-colored sclera and a long-flowing tail. It wears a little cape of some sort, which is honestly adorable now that I think about it…
"Fou!" it cries out. "Fou, Fou!
Holy fuck—it's a Pokémon!
Generation VIII is looking pretty good—the graphics are phenomenal!
Oh god, I need help…
"He's a Privileged Life-form allowed to freely walk around Chaldea," the girl explains to me as slowly as possible, as though she instantly knew that I suck eggs at listening to people.
Curse you ADHD and your comorbid auditory-processing disorder!
Wait… "Chaldea?"
"That's the name of this place." The girl's left eye shifts to the side to follow after Fou as he scampers off down the hallway. She exhales, sounding somewhat disappointed. "He ran off somewhere again. He does that sometimes, just walks around…"
"Very cat-like…" I should know—I had two cats…had. That number went down to one as of last year. Poor ol' Lucky bit the dust… I miss that fatso and his squeaky meows… "What a mysterious creature…"
"Yes, normally he doesn't go near anyone aside from me…but he seems to like you, Senpai." The girl gives me a small smile. How cute…wait.
Senpai?
"Congratulations—now you shall become the second caretaker of Fou in Chaldea!" The girl doesn't give me enough time to react as she grabs me by the hand and helps me stand up. It's quite the impressive feat for someone who is…actually taller than me. Never mind. "Careful—it seems you're still half-asleep."
Naaah, that's just a massive hangover, slowly killing me from the inside… "Do you have any water?"
Bleeegh, my mouth is so dry, it's nasty!
…
About ten minutes later, I was now chugging down an entire bottle of water that the girl brought me after leading me over to a nearby bench. It feels good to drink water—so nice and refreshing!
"Ahhh…" I sighed contently after nearly drinking half the contents of the bottle. "Thanks—uhhh…I'm sorry, but what's your name?"
Should've asked that first before anything…
"That's a hard question to answer suddenly." The girl sits to my left, looking somewhat uncertain as to how to answer my question. "Maybe I'm not important enough for you to know my name?"
Excuse me?
"Sweetie—I don't know who's been telling you shit, but you're worth a lot more than you think you are." I'm gonna kick the ass of whoever is responsible for contributing to this girl's low sense of self-esteem… "And anyone who says otherwise deserves a swift punch to the gut!"
"Uuhmm!" The girl's face lights up with a prominent blush. "You don't have to go that far, Senpai…"
"You don't have to call me that!" It's kind of awkward, considering this girl seems to know more than I do… "I'm not anyone special, after all."
At least, not special enough to be called something like senpai or something…
"Nonono—everyone is a 'senpai' to me!" the girl quickly explains. "That's…just how it is."
"Uh-huh…" Sounds kinda bullshit to me, but if it's what makes her most comfortable, then I won't stop her. I'll just have to get used to it, then—assuming I stick around long enough. Shit—that's right! "So like…I'm not supposed to be here."
The girl blinks a few times. "Huh?"
"Look—I don't know what happened while I was drunk, but if I broke into some high-security facility, then can you please show me the nearest exit so I can leave?" Preferably like…right now. "And can you please not press any charges?"
I go back to school like next month and I honestly don't need a criminal record of any sort messing with my financial aid eligibility. Also, I am in desperate need for some painkillers. I think—I think I might just swear off alcohol after this.
Haha—fat chance!
Shut up, brain!
"Umm…" The poor girl just looked so confused. I don't think she was expecting any of this. She might just be some intern or something—which would explain why she decided to talk to me instead of reporting me to the nearest authoritative figure that will likely put my ass in jail.
"Ah, there you are, Mash!" I nearly screamed at the deep-ass masculine voice that had reached my ears. I turned to my right to see a man walking toward us. He had long, fluffy hair and wore a green suit with a top hat of the same color. "That won't do, you know, wandering about without permi…oh."
He seemed genuinely surprised at first upon noticing me. Then he smiled at us, as though nothing was wrong—even though it was. Because I am not supposed to be here.
I'm not supposed to be anywhere except home.
"I see—someone's already with you." He tipped his hat as though to greet me. "You're…"
"Leaving!" I immediately interjected, my anxiety having gotten the best of me. "I'm so sorry for breaking and entering—please don't call the police!"
I'm not rich enough to pay off my own tuition without financial aid!
"Senpai—it's okay!" The girl grabbed onto my hand, keeping me somewhat grounded as I tried my very best to avoid having an anxiety attack.
Hello, anxiety, it's been a while since you last ruined my day. Can you please fuck off?
It took me a few seconds to realize that the man was laughing at my antics, while the poor girl was still trying her best to keep me calm.
Laughter is good!
Laughter means that I might just be let off with a warning! "Am I in trouble?"
"Why would you be?" The man adjusts his hat. "You're the rookie who just got assigned here. If there's anyone who's supposed to be here, then it's you."
Weird man say wha…? "Excuse me?"
"Where are my manners?" The man smiled. "I'm Lev Lainur, one of the technicians employed here. And your name is?"
"Uhhh…Noa?" If I sound uncertain, that's because I am—it's like the first name to pop into my head and something about it feels right, but I know that's not my real name.
"Hmm, Noa…" Lev holds up his wrist and presses a button on this bracelet that he's wearing. Immediately, a hologram pops out of it, showing a picture of some random girl with orange hair. There's a name right next to her picture, but before I have a chance to read it, Lev shuts the hologram off and just smiles at me. "So you're the last of the forty-eight candidates."
"Wha?" Hello? Did I sign up for something while I was drunk? Is that it?!
Oh, Noa, you've really gotten yourself in some deep shit now!
"Welcome to Chaldea," Lev tells me, seemingly oblivious to my current state of bewilderment. "I'm glad you're here."
"Thanks?" Geez, I don't know how I'm supposed to react to this, like—I thought I was beyond pulling stupid shit while I was drunk!
Then again, I've done stupider shit while sober, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised…
"I heard you were selected out of many public applicants—how long was your training?" Lev's question snaps me out of my thoughts. "A year? Six months? Three months?"
"Dude, I don't know what sort of training you're looking for, but the most experience I have is as a sales associate." To be honest, I'd rather be working at Starbucks or even McDonalds, but a job's a job—even if your boss happens to be your second oldest brother's ex-wife, who is a massive bitch.
Be strong, Noa—be strong for your wallet.
"Oh?" A wide grin formed on Lev's face as he closed his eyes. "So you're a complete amateur?"
WELL, WHEN YOU PUT IT LIKE THAT—
"Right…" Lev placed his hand on his chin. "Come to think of it, we did call for applicants to just fill numbers."
Is that what I did?
Shit, no wonder I got dragged into this mess!
"So you're one of them? Do forgive me, I was inconsiderate." You sure the heck were, Lev. You just don't do that to people for…whatever the hell this is. "But please don't be discouraged because you're a public applicant. We need all of you for this mission."
Ahh, hell—did I sign up for some random testing? Is that it?!
"What am I getting out of this?" Look, I need to know before I decide to follow through on whatever experiments I'm gonna go through. "Like, am I gonna benefit from this in any way? Actually—will this do my resume any good?"
Forget pay—I'd fucking kill to build my resume right now! A better resume means higher chances of finding work elsewhere so I can finally quit my job.
That means the evil that is my boss will be defeated!
"I assume it should," Lev replied. "After all, what you're doing is very important."
"Okay then, I guess I'll stick around." Even though I should probably be heading home… I'm sure Mama will understand.
Oh, she heckin' won't—I'm dead upon arrival.
"Well…that's good to hear." Lev chuckled. "If there's something you don't understand, feel free to ask Mash or myself anytime…"
Mash?
Is that her name? That's…kinda a weird name. It's like one letter away from smash.
Lemme smash.
Memes aside, I'm in no position to judge people's names and considering that one of my online friends went by the name of Smash… That's probably why it's weird for me.
Geez, I hope I don't accidentally call her Smash, then…
"So what were you two talking about?" Lev turned to Mash. "That's not like you. Did you know each other before?"
Mash shook her head. "No, I'd never met Senpai before. I just saw Senpai sleeping here, so I just…"
"Sleeping?" Lev turned his attention back on me. "Noa was asleep, here?"
I just shrugged. "I guess so. Don't ask me what I was doing before then—I honestly don't remember."
Maybe after this hangover goes the fuck away…
"Ahh, you went through the simulation when you entered, right?" I stared questioningly at Lev. "Spiritron Dives can get to you if you're not used to them."
And just like that, he lost me!
"I'm guessing after the simulation, the gate must've opened, and you walked over here before you returned to consciousness," he continues. "It's a type of sleep-walking. When you fell, Noa, that was when Mash spoke to you."
…
…
Sure, let's go with that. It totally wasn't because I was drunk, ahahaha…
"You seem to be fine, but I'd like to take you to the infirmary just in case…" Oh goodie, maybe I can get some painkillers from there to ease my throbbing headache! "Oh, sorry—hang in there just a little longer. The Director's orientation is about to start. You should hurry over."
"Orientation?" Wait a sec—shit, I forgot that those were a thing!
"It's to greet the Master candidates assigned here today," Mash explained to me. "Master candidates like you!"
Master? What?
"In other words, it's for the big boss to welcome the careless newbies." Lev doesn't hold back his punches. "Since the Director is not the type to forgive and forget, if you show up late, you'll be on her radar for the entire year."
Oh shit, then I should probably get going! "When is it?!"
"It should start in…about five minutes." Lev grins. "It's in the Central Command Room. Just go straight down this hall and you should get there. You better hurry, though."
I don't now who this Director is, but I feel that it is now my mission to avoid getting on her radar. I've already spent a month on my current boss's radar for being late and she still hasn't let me off the hook. I didn't even bother to say anything else, as I just took off down the hall.
It…took less than a minute for Mash to just catch up with me. Just in time, because I honestly don't know how else I would've gotten off the floor after tripping and falling. Hungover me is especially lazy…
And sleepy.
Geez, I've never felt this exhausted before. I'm guessing the adrenaline must've worn off now that I know I'm not in any serious trouble. I yawned loudly as I followed Mash onto an elevator. Lev followed right after us, deciding to tag along for reasons involving Mash.
"If I leave you alone like this, the Director might yell at me," Lev explained with a somewhat nervous chuckle. "Might be for the best."
"Better safe than sorry," I mumbled out. I could feel my eyelids growing heavy, making it so tempting to just close them. Aaaaaand I'm pretty sure I just tuned out anything that Lev might have said to me, so I just pretended I was listening and nodded my head. I might have nodded off momentarily, because the next thing I know, Mash had me by the hand and was dragging me off in some random direction.
Thankfully, that random direction brought me to the Central Command Room, where a very pretty lady with long, silver hair, fair skin, and tawny-colored eyes was in the middle of talking to a large group of people wearing white uniforms. She seemed justifiably annoyed when Mash guided me to an empty seat in the front row of seats where everyone was sitting. As soon as Mash left my side, the lady crossed her arms over her chest and continued speaking.
"Well, that wasn't on time." She threw an angry glare in my direction. "But it looks like we're all here now."
I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, turning my head to my right when some pale-skinned guy with black hair gave me a reassuring pat on the shoulder. He had some of the bluest eyes I have ever seen…and then I promptly looked away before it got weird.
Now's not the time for flirting!
Don't even think that counts as flirting, my brain is just acting weird…
"Welcome to the Special Organization, Chaldea!" the lady continued with her orientation. "I'm the director, Olga Marie Animusphere."
Animusphere?
What a strange name…oop! Almost fell asleep!
"You have been selected, or discovered from each nation for your rare—" I don't remember much of what Olga Marie had said because at some point, I just whited out. That's when I felt a very harsh slap on my face that woke me the fuck up.
"Ahhh!" My eyes snapped open, my hands immediately covering the red imprint of a hand on my cheek. "Oow…"
"Are you all right, Senpai?" Mash asked, looking rather concerned.
"Uhh…wait—was I asleep?" I don't remember leaving the Central Command Room!
"Yes." Mash nodded her head. "It seemed like you were in REM sleep… Anyway, the Director's slap seemed to wake you up completely. Thank goodness."
Yeah, yeah…say that to my face, where the Director's bitch slap left a lasting impression…
Can I report this for some compensation?
Maybe, but do I really wanna go through the effort?
Not really—she's probably rich as fuck, anyways, so her lawyers will kick my ass.
Man, I wish I was rich…or at least had enough money to live a somewhat comfortable life. Then maybe, I could buy myself a Switch!
Yeah!
"It seems you've been left out of the first mission, Senpai." Mash managed to snap me out of my thoughts. "I was just taking you back to your room."
I have a room?
"I have a room?" Jesus fuck, how long have I been here?!
"Of course—why wouldn't you?" Poor Mash just looked so confused. I'm sorry, sweetie—but I really need to know the shit that my intoxicated ass got myself into… "Just follow me, okay?"
Sluggishly, I nodded before letting another loud yawn. Might do me some good to sleep off this hangover if I actually want to act like a functional person…
…
As soon as we got off the elevator, Mash got attacked by a killer rabbit. Except that killer rabbit wasn't a killer rabbit, but just Fou.
"Fou!" Fou just kinda hissed at me for screaming at him.
"It's okay!" Mash tried to reassure me. "Fou likes to attack my face, slide around to my back, and settle on my shoulder. No need to scream."
I'm sorry, but I wasn't expecting him to jump the fuck out of nowhere like that! "Sorry, Fou…"
"Kyuu!" Fou just nuzzled his cheek against Mash's. "Fou, Fou!"
"So…were you the one to name him?" I mean, not the most creative of names, considering that Fou is pretty much a Pokémon if he's just repeating his own species name or whatever.
"That's right." Mash nodded her head. "No special reason, the word 'Fou' is the first thing that popped into my mind."
Huh, so it was like that…
"I'm impressed that you knew that, Senpai." Mash smiled at me, making me feel somewhat bashful. "I see you're quiet perceptive yourself."
"Ahaha, I guess…" She must never know of my tendency to ignore what's right in front of my face… "Ahh!"
Fou jumped onto my shoulder and…is currently nuzzling me. Huh…fluffy.
So soft~!
"Apparently, Fou's embraced you as one of his own, Senpai." Mash couldn't help but laugh. "But can a squirrel who sees humans as rivals exist in this world?"
Is that what he is?
That's one weird-looking squirrel, then. Wait— "He sees me as a rival?"
Oh honey, you've got a big storm coming your way. I'm the last person you'd ever want as a rival, for the sheer fact that my stubbornness has made people quit out of their own free volition. I'm that exhausting of a person when I want to be, and it is not a fun time when that happens.
"I'm sure he'll forget it by tomorrow," Mash said, likely basing it off of her experience with Fou. "Anyways, we're here now. This is your room."
"Oh…thank you." I guess I wasn't paying that much attention—kinda hard when you have a fluffy little…thing, on your shoulder. So fluffy, ehehe~!
"I should be heading back, now, to A Team." Mash stops for a moment to listen to what Fou has to say. A smile forms on her lips. "Fou says he'll look after you, Senpai. That sets my mind at ease."
Is that really what he said?
I don't get a chance to say anything before Fou's tongue licks at the red imprint left by Olga Marie's hand. It kind of stings, but I can sense that he means well, so I gave him a few scritches behind the ear as thanks.
"Now, then, I'm off. If we're lucky, I think we'll meet again." Mash doesn't say any more after that and goes on her way, leaving me alone with Fou. I give him a few more scritches before entering my room.
The first thing I see upon entering my room is a man with peach-colored hair sitting cross-legged on my bed. He has long, fluffy haired pulled into a ponytail and is currently in the middle of eating some cake topped with strawberries. There is a tray with a small teapot and teacup at his feet, set just behind the laptop that rests on one of his legs.
He better not spill that!
Green eyes look away from the screen on his laptop and focus on me. His fork remains in his mouth as he stares at me, blinking a few times in confusion. From what I can tell, he certainly wasn't expecting anyone to walk in on him like this. I know I wasn't.
The two of us stare at each other in silence, neither of us knowing how to react. Then, after about a minute, I decided to break the silence.
"I won't tell if you let me in on whatever it is that you're doing." I don't give him time to react, choosing to instead just walk over to the bed and just crawl into the empty space that was behind him. The pillow was especially soft and the mattress firm, so I felt immediately at ease.
Meanwhile, the man reached out for the tray in front of him in order to prevent it from toppling over due to my sudden movements. His fork remained in his mouth, his body mostly tense from what could've happened.
"So, what are you looking at?" I glanced at his laptop's screen, expecting a wide variety of things from a man who seemed to be in his late twenties. "If it's porn, I don't mind."
He just about chokes when I say that, his fork dropping onto his lap. "I-It's not!"
"I can certainly see that." It looks to me that like he was reading someone's blog. "Anything good?"
"Depends if you like Magi Mari—wait, who are you?!" The man looked over his shoulder at me. "This is an empty room where I come to slack off! Who gave you permission to come in?!"
"Uhh, first off, I'd like to apologize for intruding on your alone time." My offer still stands, though, if you wanna keep this a secret. "Second—I was told that this was my room. So…are you gonna share that cake or no?"
The man stares at me for a moment before handing over the plate of cake and his fork. I thank him and then quickly get to work on the cake, not really caring much about the fact that this fork was just in his mouth. Maybe if I wasn't hungover and in desperate need for a distraction, I might've cared about that, but right now, I was in the middle of offering Fou a strawberry.
"So the last kid finally showed up…" The man sighs in dismay and buries his face into the palm of his hand.
"Hey, I'll have you know that I'm twenty…three." There was a pause—but only because it's barely been two months since my birthday and I still can't get over the fact that I'm twenty-three.
I can barely get over the fact that I'm legally an adult—what a joke!
"Seriously?" The man stared wide-eyed at me. "You look a lot younger than that!"
"Ehh, I get that a lot." I…still don't know how to feel about that. I mean, I got charged as a child once at the movies, despite me paying with my freaking debit card—why would a twelve-year-old have a debit card?!
I will never be over that…
"So…I'm Noa." I introduced myself in an attempt to change the subject. "And you?"
"Romani Archaman, head of the medical department," he answered. "Though, you can just call me Roman—everyone does. It's a lot easier to pronounce and don't you think Roman has a nice ring to it? It sounds cool and vaguely sweet."
Aww, he's actually pretty cute! "Aren't you the fluffy type? Ahaha…"
"Fluffy?" Roman furrowed his brow. "Oh, you mean my hair? I'm normally pretty busy, so I just let it grow."
Welp, I just dodged a bullet—now's not the time to be flirting with people, Noa!
"Fou!" And it seems that Fou is a tad bit jealous over that comment I just made.
"Wait, on your shoulder—is that the mysterious creature I've heard so much about?" Roman immediately turned his body to face me and Fou. "Whoa, nice to meet you!"
Fou doesn't say much, choosing to instead eat another strawberry off my fork.
"Mash told me a lot about him, but I didn't really think he existed…" Oh, so he knows Mash! "Hey, why don't I teach him some tricks?"
Roman held out his hand to Fou, causing the little fluff ball to momentarily stop what he was doing. He sniffed at Roman's hand a few times before looking up at him.
"Shake hand!" Roman grinned widely. "If you do it well, I'll give you a snack."
Fou stares at Roman for a full five seconds before going back to eating his strawberry.
"Huh, what?" A small bead of sweat rolled down the side of Roman's face. "He gave me a really pitying look and then completely ignored me…"
"To be fair, you did interrupt him while he was eating." Most animals I know don't like being bothered while they're eating.
"A-Anyway!" Roman cleared his throat. "I think I get what's going on—you're the rookie who just got here, then got on the Director's bad side?"
Oh shit—is it that obvious?! "You just read me like a freaking book!"
Witchcraft!
"Then you and I are alike!" Roman smiled at me. "Just so you know, I got yelled at by her too…"
"Oh…" Well, aaayy, welcome to the club, then!
"You know the Rayshift experiment's about to start, right?" Roman asked, earning a questioning look from me in response. "Um, the entire staff's been sent to help out."
"Then why are you here?" Pretty sure if you're head of the medical department, you should be over there and not in some empty room, slacking off…
"It's my job to look after everyone's health." Roman scratched the back of his head. "So I had nothing to do. The machines are more accurate at reading the vitals of the mages who are in the Coffins."
I see, I see—wait…Coffins?
Mages?
Is this some video game testing facility?
That would explain Fou if he does happen to be some sort of Pokémon…
"The Director said, 'When you're here, Romani, everyone slacks off!'" Roman managed to do a decent job of impersonating Olga Marie. "Then she threw me out. So I've been sulking here."
"That makes two of us." I got thrown out for sleeping—even though it totally wasn't my fault!
It actually is, but fuck it—she didn't have to slap me!
"Of course, then you showed up!" Roman laughed. "This is what they call a blessing in disguise, right?"
"I guess so—hey, my strawberry!" I scowled as I watched Fou take off with the last strawberry, leaving me with a strawberry-less cake. "You little shit…"
"Since we both have nowhere to go, why don't we spend some time and deepen our friendship!" Roman suggested.
"Sure, why not?" I poked at the slice of cake, inwardly lamenting the lack of strawberries, thanks to some weird-ass Pokémon. "This is my room, anyhow."
"Yeah, so that means I'm visiting a friend's room!" Roman grinned widely. "Woo hoo! I've made a new friend!"
"Oh man, I like you already!" Friendship ended with Fou—now Roman is my best friend.
…
Roman and I spent most of our time just talking about random stuff. Though, at one point, Roman started talking to me about the structure of Chaldea. I'm pretty sure he said a lot of important information that I should likely know, but I wasn't exactly paying attention. All it took was a few cutesy antics from Fou to distract me and now I have no fucking clue what Roman is even saying.
Do I just…ask him to repeat himself?
Uuuuugh, but he said so much and he's still talking!
Just nod your head and smile—that always works!
But for how long?! I can only pretend for so long… "How interesting."
"It is until you get used to it." Roman chuckled. "Let me know if you're still having any trouble. I can tell you lost me."
"Is it that obvious?" I frowned.
"Kinda—you did space out." Roman placed his hand on his chin. "Hmm…Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder—am I correct?"
"Yep!" I immediately replied. "Combined subtype—includes an auditory processing disorder and rejection sensitive dysphoria!"
"That's good to know." Roman smiled as he patted me on the head. "It's important for the staff to know as much as possible about our candidates—especially since I am head of the medical department."
"Hmm…" I tilted my head to the side. "Do you do prescriptions or am I presuming too much?"
If so, then that would be lovely, because I am in the middle of insurance complications for the umpteenth time involving my ADHD medication.
Freaking thanks, new policy!
Before Roman has a chance to answer my question, a beeping sound interrupts him. He sets down his mug of coffee on a tray and then presses a button on the bracelet he's wearing on his left wrist. A hologram pops out, just like before, only it doesn't have a picture and just mostly says, "SOUND ONLY."
I can barely make out a picture of Lev from where I'm at and that's when I hear his voice.
"Romani, we're going to start the Rayshift soon," Lev's voice speaks out from Roman's bracelet. "Could you come in case there's an emergency. The A Team's in perfect condition, but B Team on down is less experienced and they are displaying some slight abnormalities. It probably comes from anxiety. The inside of that Coffin is like a cockpit."
"I guess I'll give them some anesthesia," Roman replied.
"Yeah, hurry up, will you? If you're in the infirmary, then you can get here in two minutes."
There's a small beep afterwards, which signals the end of the conversation between Lev and Roman. Roman seems to be somewhat nervous, his condition made only worse when I said, "But you're just hiding and slacking."
"Whoa…please don't mention that." Roman scratched the back of his head and sighed. "It's gonna take five minutes from here, no matter what…"
"Better get going, then." I'd love to help out, but I have a sleeping animal on my lap.
"Well, I think they'll forgive me for being a little late." He smiled sheepishly. "A Team has no issues anyway. Oh, and that guy's named Lev Lainur. He's the mage who created the Near-Future Observation Lens, Sheba—a telescope used to observe that pseudo-planet, Chaldeas. Sheba not only observes Chaldeas, but also serves as a surveillance system for most of this facility."
I nodded my head, even though I had no idea what Roman was talking about. All I got out of that was that Lev was a mage—I'm guessing he and Roman play Dungeons and Dragons together?
"Thanks for chatting with me, Noa!" Roman smiled at me. "When you get settled in, come by the infirmary. There'll be another slice of yummy cake with your name on it!"
"You had me a cake, Roman!" Maybe next time, I'll get to eat the strawberries… "Huh?"
Without any warning, the lights went out.
"What's this?" Roman was genuinely confused.
"A power outage?" Huh, just our luck…
"Chaldea shouldn't have any power outages!" Well, then fuck!
"Emergency. Emergency. A fire has broken out in the Central Power Station and the Central Command Room. Central Area's containment wall will activate in ninety seconds. All Staff must evacuate from Gate 2 at once. Repeat. The Central Power Station, and the Central—"
"Oh hell no—I didn't sign up for this shit!" I wasn't even sober for it!
"Fou!" And it seems Fou just woke up—how's it going? Oh nothing much, except that the place has just gone to hell!
"What on earth is happening?!" Roman clambers over to the door, nearly dripping over his own two feet. "Noa, we gotta get out of here now!"
"Lead the way!" Because I have no idea where I should be going and oh god, I don't wanna die!
"Fou, Fou!" How are you so calm, you weird-ass Pokémon?! "Fou!"
"Oww!" Stop tugging at my hair! "What's wrong?"
"Fou!" Fou doesn't seem to have any plans on leaving me alone until I find out what's wrong with him.
…
Wait, is this about Mash?
Shit—she said that she was part of A Team!
"Oh my god, Mash!" That seemed to be the appropriate enough response for Fou to release my hair and just jump off of my shoulder. He cried out a few times, running around in circles before going off in a random direction.
I think he wants me to follow him…
But the containment wall!
BUT MASH!
"Aaaaugh!" I grabbed at my hair and tugged down harshly, not knowing how else I should respond to this dilemma of mine. I'm too much of a coward to even risk my own life, but even so—I like Mash! She was nice to me when I was lost and alone!
But you barely even know her!
Tell that to my conscience, brain!
"What's wrong, Noa?" Roman asked, having noticed my distress. "Are you hurt?"
"My head's throbbing if you must know, and my conscience is currently eating away at me!" Life, death, life, death, hers, mine, hers, mine, hers—fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! "I can't fucking take this!"
I don't even know how to escape from this place, so I might as well die trying to save a friend instead of dying alone because I got lost!
"Wait for me, Fou!" I yelled out before going in the direction that Fou ran off in.
"What are you doing—Gate 2 is over there!" Roman called out to me before following after me. "Are you really going to come with me?"
"I don't know!" I wanna cry, because I honestly don't know what I'm supposed to be doing and this hangover is seriously making everything worse. "I want my mommy, waaahhhh!"
And there goes whatever bit of dignity that I had left…
…
The Central Command Room was an absolute mess by the time that Roman and I got there. We were greeted immediately with a heated blast of air upon arrival. Piles of rubble covered the floor, growing only bigger and bigger with each passing moment as bits and pieces of the ceiling came down from above. Smoke filled the air, making it increasingly difficult to even breathe.
"Fou!" Fou called out.
"Mash, are you here?!" I yelled out before breaking into coughing fit. "Oh god—hack, why did it have to be smoke?"
I'm dying, Scoob!
"I'd love to help out, but I can't let the light in Chaldeas go out!" Roman wipes the sweat off his brow. "There's still enough time for you to escape—"
"Containment wall will close in forty seconds. Those remaining in Central Area, evacuate immediately—"
"Fou!"
"Mash!" I yelled again, suppressing a powerful urge I had to cough. I ran in the direction where I assumed I heard Fou's voice coming from. "Fou, do you see her, because I can't see shit!"
I'm gonna die looking for a girl I barely even know…all because some weird-ass Pokémon told me to.
Maybe Fou is actually Kyubey trying to get me to form a contract…
"I'm willing to form a contract if it means not dying!" Tears were streaming down my cheeks as I could practically see my life flashing before my eyes. Oh god, is that an embarrassing moment of mine that I see?!
Yeah, that just about did it!
Even in death, I can't go down in peace! "Maaaaaash! Can you hear meeeee?!"
"System switching to the Final Phase of Rayshift. Coordinates, AD 2004, January, 30th, Fuyuki Japan. Laplace's shifting protection established. Singularity's additional factor slot secured. Unsummon Program set. Please start final adjustments."
I don't know what the hell that's all about, but I should probably leave before that happens. In the meantime— "Are there any survivors?!"
If I can't find Mash, then I'll at least try to see if there's anyone else worth saving!
No dead bodies, no dead bodies, no dead bodies—huurgh…!
Whatever contents I had in my stomach were immediately emptied upon seeing the pools of blood leaking out from beneath some of the rubble. Oh god, my brain just went to an extremely bad place.
"Ulp…" This is seriously not good for my mental health. It's bad enough already, thanks to my anxiety and depression… "Someone, anyone—are you alive?!"
"Fouuuu!" That sounded close—Fou, did you find her?! "Mkyuu!"
"I'm coming Fou!" I climbed onto a pile of rubble, ignoring the nausea that was bubbling in the pit of my stomach. I nearly lost my footing a few times, my vision practically swirling with each close call thanks to a lingering sense of vertigo that would not go away. As soon as I reached the top, I yelled out, "MAAAAASH!"
"S-Senpai…" I barely heard that—but it was definitely there!
I jumped down, deciding that it would likely take too much time and effort to just climb down. I gritted my teeth as I landed on the floor, barely managing to maintain my balance for a few seconds before landing flat on my ass. "Aaugh…"
Could be worse—I could've stuck the landing…
"Everything's spinning…" I groaned as I rubbed my temples in an attempt to ease whatever throbbing pain I could feel in my head.
"Fou!" Then, seemingly out of nowhere, Fou showed up. "Fou!"
"I'm up—I'm up!" It took some effort, but I'm standing, okay?! "Mash, if you can hear me—say something!"
"I'm…" Mash didn't finish her sentence, but I heard that!
"Fou!" Fou ran around in a circle a few times before dashing over to a nearby pile of rubble. That's when I finally saw her…
"Mash!" I screamed.
Th-Thump, th-thump!
She was trapped from the waist down by a massive slab made out of stone. Blood was trickling down her face, which was abnormally pale. She looked so weak, so…helpless.
But she's still alive!
"Just hang in there!" My first thought was to try and remove the slab, only— "Son of a bitch!"
Hot, hot, hot!
It only dawns on me now, as I covered my hands with the sleeves of my shirt, that there was a reason why one must always check the surface temperature of doors and the like when there's a fire. Because just now, I could've seriously burned my hands when I touched the stone slab.
Let's try this again!
Attempt #2 was going nowhere, despite the efforts I took to protect myself against the heat. The slab was just too heavy for me to lift…
Dammit!
"It's all…right…" Mash choked out. "You can't…save…me. Don't mind me, please… Run."
"I'm not leaving you behind to die, Mash!" I purposely ignored the pool of blood that was underneath her body, even as it stained her clothes red. "Don't do this to me, okay?! It's gonna be okay!"
"Warning all observation staff. Chaldeas's state has changed. Now rewriting Sheba's near-future prediction data. Unable to detect the existence of mankind. One-hundred years in the near-future on Earth. Unable to confirm human survivors. Unable to guarantee mankind's future."
Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up!
"Chaldeas…has turned bright red…" I don't know what that means, Mash, but keep talking—you're doing good! "No, never mind, that—"
"Don't stop talking, Mash!" Please—don't… "I'll get you out, somehow…"
"Central Area, sealed. 180 seconds till internal containment procedure."
"They…shut off the…the area." Mash grimaced. "Now—Now we can't get out…"
Th-Thump, th-thump!
This…this is bad. This is really bad… "We'll…we'll figure it out, ahahaha…"
Denial won't do me any good and I know it. Even Mash can see right through me…
"Ahahaha…" I laughed weakly as I slumped down onto the floor right next to Mash. So much for being a hero…
Now we're both going to die…
Why did I do that?
I don't know…
Why?
I don't know, don't know, don't know…
I don't want to die—not like this…
Scared, scared, scared, scared!
"It's…okay to cry, Senpai…" Mash reached out for my hand. "It's…okay."
"Coffin Vitals: Masters Baseline not reached. Rayshift requirement not met. Searching for qualifying Master… Found."
"This wasn't supposed to happen…" My chest feels so tight…my heart feels like it's going to explode.
Th-Thump, th-thump!
Th-Thump, th-thump!
Maybe…this is all just a dream…
Th-Thump, th-thump!
A really, really bad dream…
Th-Thump, th-thump!
"Candidate No. 48, Noa—reset as Master."
None of this is real—it's all just a dream…right?
Then why does my chest hurt so much?
"I'm sorry, Mash…I'm so, so sorry…" I wiped away the tears in my eyes, no longer able to suppress the urge I had to cry. "I'm sorry I couldn't do anything…"
I'm sorry for being such a failure.
"Unsummon Program, start."
For not being able to do much.
"Spiritron Conversion, start."
For letting you die…
"Um…Sen…pai?" Mash choked out.
For letting myself get into this mess…
"Would you mind…" Mash coughed, sending out a small splatter of blood. "Would you mind…holding my hand?"
I rubbed my eyes and sniffed, my gaze currently focused on the hand that Mash held out. She was shaking so much and yet…she could still find the strength to smile.
"Please…?" she all but pleaded.
Th-Thump, th-thump!
Her hand felt so cold around mine…so very, very cold. Fou seemed to notice from the way he wrapped his body around our hands. He rubbed his cheek vigorously against Mash's hand, crying out softly when her grip started to grow slack.
"It's…okay…" Mash tried to reassure Fou. "I'm just…tired."
I tightened my grip around Mash's hand. "You don't have to stay awake if you don't want to…"
Don't leave me alone.
"I'll be…okay…" I forced myself to smile at Mash.
Please please please please—don't leave me alone!
"It's…okay…" I choked back a sob. "I'm here…"
Mash laughed weakly. "I'm glad…that I—that I met you…Fujimaru Noa."
"Rayshift starting in 3…"
"Fujimaru…?" I don't know where that came from, but I don't have it in me to correct Mash—not when she's like this… "Your glasses…"
They fell off…
"2…"
I reached out and picked up Mash's glasses with my free hand, never once letting go of her hand. Carefully, I placed them back on her face, feeling oddly at ease from doing such a simple task. A smile tugged at my mouth as I adjusted Mash's glasses.
"1…"
"There—all better," I said before giving Mash's head a few affectionate pats.
"Thank…you…" Mash smiled as she looked at me. For a brief moment, I could see my reflection in her glasses. I looked like such a mess…
"All procedures clear. First Order, commencing operation."
Except—I don't remember having such short hair.
That's not my reflection.
I don't remember ever looking like that.
That's not me.
That's the last thought I had before a spiraling blue vortex flooded my vision. And then there was nothing but darkness…
…
…
…
A/N So anyways, here we have another cold-turkey SI of mine, and like SI!Kaede in Clair de Lune, Noa is also hungover and pretty much not okay. Like—yeah, that's a thing.
Should also mention that there's some memory loss going with her, which is why she doesn't recognize anyone—except for Ozymandias, because reasons involving thirst and mostly for the fact that he happens to be my first 5* Servant that I managed to pull not just once—but twice in a single 10-pull.
I am very proud of that pull and am super glad that I managed to get him before the end of his rate-up…anyways! You know the drill when it comes to my SI/SIOCs—ADHD, depression, and anxiety are always a given, considering that that's what I have! There's also more where that came from, but I'll get into it eventually.
So, like…I got warned ahead of time of how Fate fics are, so if you have any issues with my fic—I don't really give a shit. Just drop it, because I'm not in any mood to deal with assholes trying to ruin my fun. I pretty much started this fic after a very upsetting situation involving my boss taking her dog back from me because of the fact that she managed to run away while she was in my care—never mind the fact that the dog was now mine, because she was given to me…
I am still very upset about that, but I've moved on…somewhat. Anyways, that thing about me crashing a car into a tree was an actual thing that happened to me near the end of May—I'm fine by the way and so was the tree, but the car? Ahahaha, nope—it's gone for good!
And yes, my siblings have been joking about it. It's annoying, but I can live with it…and as a reminder, NO SPOILERS AFTER CAMELOT! I'm being serious about that, because I really hate spoilers when it comes to things I am thoroughly invested in…
Having said that, I hope you guys enjoyed this first chapter! I'm honestly surprised it ended up as long as it did, but that just goes to show how invested I am in this fic, so let's hope for the best! Until next time, everyone! KD out! XD