Killua's eyelids pried open. He bolted upright. A simple bed, bunk beds, and he was on the bottom one. A forest green carpet. A desk. He was in the house they'd been staying at—did that mean the raid was over? His head throbbed. His stomach churned.

"Onii-chan!" Alluka threw her arms around him.

Alluka! He grabbed her. You're okay—

Killua lifted his head. Kalluto stood across the room, and Gon too. "What—"

"Everyone was freed," Gon reported, rubbing his head. "And it's all over the news."

"Did we all—"

"Everyone's alive. Some injuries. Including yours. Feitan broke his legs."

"I helped heal them," Alluka reported. Kalluto smiled.

Killua sucked in his breath.

She gripped Killua's hand. "Onii-chan, you have to let me take care of—you have to let me help when I can. Nanika wants to. I want to. I'm not an assassin, but I don't want to be useless either, and as long as you're going into danger, I don't want to just—wait around. You wouldn't." Her eyes, blue like his, round like Illumi's, met his, and they burned.

She wasn't wrong. Killua gulped. "I just—"

"Trust me," she requested, and the way she looked now, even despite her actions last night—she was growing. And he loved her even if it scared him.

"I will," he managed. "I just—you two put Oito and Woble in danger, with everyone coming to find you—"

Alluka pressed her lips together. "I'm sorry." Her chin trembled. "I just wanted to be useful, too. Kalluto and me, both. Illumi saved me."

"Huh?"

"Don't freak out," Gon began. "But that Cathuria grabbed her and tried to push her through the door."

Killua's chest clenched.

"But Illumi saved me," Alluka said. "Even when that man told him I was—useless, and he'd be glad to be rid of me. He threw his needles at him, he told him to shut up, the staircase collapsed and he protected me."

Illumi, you really saved her? Killua's head swam. He felt like the surface was right there, but he was afraid to break above it and breathe. "Trust me too, okay?" Killua choked out. "I feel—I feel guilty, for not protecting you, for letting them do what they did to you—or letting both of you feel ignored—be ignored—" He curled his fists.

"But you said you won't anymore," Alluka said. "And you haven't. I believe you. Kalluto wants to, too."

Killua sighed. Maybe he ought to consider getting into less danger. Not that they really had much of an option with Kalluto being a member of the Troupe, which reminded Killua, he needed to find out if that tattoo could be removed and also where the hell it even was. But not just now.

"Trust goes both ways," Alluka said. Kalluto nodded. She held out her hand. Killua swallowed. He shook it.

"Besides," said Kalluto, tossing his hair. "Oito and Woble are fine."

They might not have been, but Killua opted not to mention that.

"Oito kissed Phinks when he got back," Kalluto added. He smiled, and Killua was struck by how little he'd ever seen his youngest brother smile, and how much he must really care about the Troupe. "He was so surprised."

"I guess that means she forgives him," Killua commented. Gon laughed. Kalluto giggled. He looked at Killua as if he had more to say, but didn't know how to say it. And Killua knew what it was, and what he should say. "I'm not mad, Kalluto. I still like you." And he meant it.

Alluka clapped her hands together. Kalluto's face flushed, but he smiled.

Alluka and Kalluto left, and Gon turned to Killua. "Sorry I knocked you out."

"No," said Killua. "It was—"

"What you were saying to Alluka and Kalluto," said Gon. "About putting others in danger because they didn't want to feel useless. That was—like the same thing."

Killua slid his eyes towards Gon. The sun shone in through the window, encasing them both in light.

"Okay, I'm not one to talk," Gon said, face flushing. He laughed, and the sound pulled him up to the air.

"I don't want to lose them," Killua said. His voice sounded thick. "I've—I mean, I've taken so many people from their loved ones. That was what we did. Our family. And that was—"

"I don't care. I never have."

"Well, maybe you should!"

"Well, maybe I do, but I still think you're my friend!" Gon barked. "If Kurapika and Chrollo can be dating, than I can forgive you for killing people, and if you can forgive me for what I did during the ant invasion, then—you're not that special."

Killua's eyes popped. He tucked his knees into his chest and rested his chin on them. Tears blurred his vision. He thought of all the times his parents and grandparents calling him the heir, giving him special treatment, expecting more, expecting—what if it rubbed off me?

Gon gave him a smile, face sheepish. He put his hand on Killua's shoulder.

You changed.

If it did, then I can, too.

He leaned in, resting his chin on Gon's shoulder. "Thank you."

"Welcome," Gon said. He held him.

Killua pulled back. "Gon, I—"

The door banged open. Killua yelped.

"Killua, we have a problem!" bellowed Leorio, panting. "Your parents and grandfather just showed up, and I really want to punch them."

Fuck. Killua turned white.

"Illumi said he'd talk to them," Chrollo's voice came from the hallway. Kurapika appeared behind Leorio, scowling and with his eyes ignited red.

"I trust Illumi together with my parents about as much as I trust a shark with seals," Killua responded. And Illumi was the seal, and he did not want to see his brother torn to shreds, not when Illumi was making so much progress, not ever. He got to his feet. "I'll go—they're not getting Alluka or Kalluto back. I don't care what I have to do."

"Agreed," said Chrollo. He produced Bandit's Secret.

Ugh, do I really have to tolerate you too now? Given that Kurapika was holding Chrollo's hand, he supposed so. Gross. But inside, he felt warm.

"If you're going to talk to them," said Gon. "I am too. I mean, I'll go with you."

"They'll insult you if they know you're nenless," Killua warned.

"I don't care." Gon's eyes blazed with that same fire that first drew Killua to him. He nodded.

"We'll go with you," Kurapika corrected.

They made their way down to the living area, where Zeno Zoldyck leaned against a bookshelf, a small smirk on his face. Dad sat on the couch, crossing his arms and legs spread wide as if to assert his power. Illumi stood across from him, Hisoka leaning against the opposing wall. Mom stood behind him, wringing her hands. She let out a shriek when she saw him. "Kil!"

He let her hug him. His chest tightened.

"You," Dad said, watching Chrollo. He glared at Killua. "You were supposed to stay away from the Phantom Troupe."

"Ah, a shame," said Chrollo. He smoothed his hair. "Here I was enjoying having two of your sons as members and the other as an ally, and your daughter as an ally as well."

"I have no daughter."

"Well, looks like we do now." Chrollo kept a pleasant smile on his face.

Grandfather looked as if he was trying not to laugh. "Still just as cheeky as ever."

"Of course." Chrollo gave a mock bow and stepped back, towards Kurapika.

"Oh shit," said Milluki's voice. Alluka and Kalluto hid behind him as they entered the room. Machi, Feitan, and Palm followed, and then Phinks and Oito and Woble as well.

"Who are all these people?" Mom squeaked.

"Kalluto new family," said Feitan. "The Spiders." Machi crossed her arms, planting her feet next to Kalluto.

Dad's face turned purple. He looked as if he was contemplating throttling Chrollo, who was currently still smiling as if they were discussing how lovely the tea was. Grandfather clucked his tongue.

"Kalluto and I have joined the Spiders," Illumi said, trying to placate. "It's true." His voice sounded so emotionless. So like he had been for so many years. It hurt Killua to hear that again. He wondered if it hurt Illumi to speak like that, or if that was the only way he could protect himself.

"I presume it's for a job. Please explain to me why I'm missing so much money from my account," Silva said.

"I'll repay you," Milluki said quickly. "I needed it to get—someone inside an auction hall—"

"To kill—"

"No, to save my life," said Kurapika quietly. "It was a favor to Killua."

Mistake. Killua shot daggers at him. Kurapika didn't seem as if he cared. He held his head high, unashamed.

"If you couldn't save yourself, then—"

"He's my friend. Can't betray them, right?" Killua tried to keep his voice light. He didn't even know why. He might as well let them have it, and yet the words welling up inside him wouldn't spring free.

"I'm the Kakin eighth queen," said Oito, breaking the silence. "Oito. So, you're their parents."

"As a parent yourself, surely you'd understand," Kikyo said, seizing the chance. "Milluki, Illumi, this is disgraceful. Killua, Kalluto, we're taking you home with us—and that thing too, so it can't hurt anyone else anymore."

"Alluka is not a thing!" Killua managed. Say something, Illumi. Why does it have to be me? Help me, Illumi! Please! You saved her!

But his brother was silent, rigid, petrified.

"Some parents you are," Gon said, and his voice echoed with memories of his own. "Oito just gave her everything to save her child from a succession war, and you lock your kids up and poison and torture them to train them to withstand it—Killua told me—"

Oito recoiled. "You what?"

"An eighth wife has no place—" started Silva, and Phinks aimed his fist.

"Say another word to her and I'll punch you. Do it. I'd love that opportunity." Phinks's eyes gleamed. Nobunaga and Franklin appeared in the doorway, Nobunaga with his hand on his sword.

"Illumi, how could you let this happen?" Mother cried out. She grabbed Illumi by his face. He blinked.

"Ew," said Feitan. "That not love."

"Um, we're all people who make our own decisions," said Killua. "Dad." He looked straight at the man whose approval he always craved. "I'm not going back home. Kalluto isn't either. Neither is Alluka. As for Illumi and Milluki, they can make their own choices." He didn't want them to go. He hoped they stayed.

"You are a child," said Dad, rising. "My child. I—"

"Whom you've never treated as a child except when it suited you," Leorio retorted, jamming his finger at Silva. "Abuser."

"You—"

"I will take responsibility for them," Illumi interjected then, and Killua's heart lifted. "Killua, Kalluto, Alluka. They are my siblings. My brothers. My sister. I'm getting married. We can take care of them."

"What?" Mom shrieked. Grandfather even lifted his eyebrows. Dad just looked shocked.

"To me," Hisoka said. He waved. "Hello, I killed your butler."

"I'm pissed at you for that," snapped Killua.

"Sorry."

"They hate you," Dad said, approaching Illumi. Illumi had to crane his neck to look him in the eye. "You're the one who put needles in—"

"Because you told Illumi to!" Milluki interjected. He squeezed his fists together as if he was bloody terrified of them yelling at him now.

"Milluki?" Mom gaped.

"You useless, fat—"

"Shut up!" screamed Killua. "Don't talk to him like that!"

Milluki gaped at him. Palm Siberia stepped closer, putting her hand on his shoulder. "I might stay in Yorknew for a bit," added Milluki. "Or go with Illumi and the brats. Palm was telling me that there are—"

"The ant?" Dad's nose wrinkled. "Okay, Illumi. You want to take care of your siblings, do it. But you'll have to use your needles on me to get them, because if you don't I will have my father and your mother take them."

Illumi froze again. His eyes darted to Killua, to Hisoka, to Chrollo.

"Well?" Dad asked.

Killua waited for Illumi to move. Illumi's chest heaved. He wasn't moving, grabbing his needles.

"You can't, can you?"

Illumi looked—terrified. Killua wondered: until recently, he'd never gone against them, had he? Had he even to? Had he wanted them to— "Illumi!"

"You won't take them," Illumi croaked out.

"Stop me, if you mean it."

"Don't worry," said Hisoka, stepping alongside Illumi. "See, where one of us is weaker, the other is stronger. For example, you've been wrapped in Bungee Gum since you entered this place. You're not touching anyone today."

"What?"

Killua used Gyo. A laugh broke from his lips. Hisoka really did have all three of the Zoldyck adults wrapped in Bungee Gum. Grandfather smirked as if he'd known from the moment they stepped in, and yet hadn't said anything.

"Bye-bye," said Hisoka. "Chrollo—"

Chrollo opened Bandit's Secret and waved his hand. They vanished outside. Hisoka used Bungee Gum to seal the door.

Milluki sank to the floor, head in his hands and trembling like a leaf in a storm. Palm crouched next to him.

Illumi couldn't look at them. He turned and rushed up the stairs.

I couldn't defy them. Not even then. Not even with everything at stake. Hisoka. Killua. Alluka. Kalluto. He still—he still—

At least Hisoka didn't seem to be mad at him. He came into the room and sat next to Illumi, saying nothing, but he was with him. "I'm ashamed," Illumi said finally, face buried in Hisoka's pillow because Mike wasn't here.

"I'm aware."

Illumi rolled over, looking up at Hisoka. "Why can't I—I thought I was—"

"Oh no, Illumi. What a horror. You're human. That means being afraid somethings. And you acted afraid."

"Huh?" Illumi frowned.

Hisoka leaned his head down, running his hands through Illumi's hair, untangling it. "I don't like you because you're some stupid emotionless assassin. That's boring. You've always had an empathetic side. You just pretend you don't and lock it in a vault as deep as the one you locked Alluka in."

"If you're trying to make me feel better, you're failing."

Hisoka rolled his eyes. "Well, I like you because you're very human."

"You really want to marry me?" Illumi asked, focusing on the dull beige ceiling again.

"Yes, Illumi." Hisoka snorted. "Everyone has a weakness, you know. Yours is your family. And mine is you. I mean I broke off murdering someone I actually hate to haul your ass out of rubble, I think that—"

Illumi pushed himself up on his elbows. "It's not just my family."

Hisoka smirked.

"It's you," said Illumi. "It's my loved ones. And I love you."

Hisoka closed his eyes. "You saved me. Multiple times. Will you put a needle in my head to curb my recklessness?"

"No. I like you reckless. I'll just have to follow you everywhere to keep you from getting killed with whoever you decide will be fun to fight next."

Hisoka let out his breath. "To tell you the truth, Illumi, you're kind of the most fun I'll ever have. And I don't even need to be trying to kill you to have fun with you."

"Good," said Illumi.

Hisoka shifted. Illumi reached for his pants.

"Not now."

"When do you not want to fuck?" Illumi demanded.

Hisoka hopped off the bed and left the room without an answer. Illumi groaned, burying his face in the pillow again. It smelled like Hisoka.

The door opened again.

"So five minutes later you want to fuck?" Illumi lifted himself up and froze.

Killua looked as if he was about to throw up. "Illu—"

"I thought you were Hisoka!" cried out Illumi. I'm going to punch you, you fucking clown!

Killua clamped his hands over his ears. "That doesn't make it any better!"

"Wait," Illumi managed, scrambling up. "Wait—Kil—" He stopped, hand curling.

"Hisoka said you wanted to talk to me," Killua mumbled.

He did? Well, it wasn't a lie. Words Illumi had been been practicing, reciting over and over again, jumbled together in his mind, and he wasn't sure his tongue could form them. "I—I'm sorry. To you. And to Alluka, and Kalluto—and Milluki too. I have not been a good brother. I've been—an ass. I thought I was doing it for your good, but I never asked you, and that was wrong—I know I failed you again today. I want to do better. I—I know I don't deserve that chance, though, and I'm not really going to force you to stay with me—you and Alluka and Kalluto are more than capable of taking care of yourselves." He couldn't even look Killua in the eyes. Something wet and hot stung his eyes, scalded his face. He wiped them away. "I trust you to take care of them, anyways."

"Illu-nii," whispered Killua.

"I was wrong," Illumi said. "I was wrong, I was wrong, I was wrong. I hurt you. Father did tell me to put the needle in your head, but I agreed with him—I was glad. I wanted you safe. You were—the only one who ever acted like you loved me, and I wanted that—and I wanted their approval—and I sacrificed you for it. I treated you like an object, and that's something I can't undo, but if you'll let me, I'll—" Oh, there he went again. Asking. Pleading.

"Sorry. I was careless and he got away."

"Don't lie," Hisoka said. "You pitied him and granted him one last request."

"Well, he was going to die anyways."

This is my last request. I won't ask again. If he says no— Hisoka would still be there. Illumi wouldn't be alone, and he wouldn't be unloved. And breath would fill his lungs, and he could hope.

"Are you afraid of them?" Killua's voice came husky. He lowered his face.

"I don't know," Illumi said. A lie. He knew the answer, throbbing in his chest. "Yes. I want—I am so scared of cutting that tie. I still want them to love me—but they won't." He let out a bitter laugh, sitting back on the edge of the bed. "Maybe they never did." The words felt like shards of glass embedding into his heart, rubbed raw.

But he was still here. Even if they'd never loved him. He was still here.

"That's how I felt about you," Killua said. "I loved you—I love you, Illumi, and I—but you—you made it dangerous. You hurt me."

"I know." He lowered his head. "It wasn't—worth it. I should have chosen you above them. Alluka, too. And Kalluto. Also Milluki, but the age gap was not so wide."

Killua said nothing.

"It's not really fair that you have to raise them," Illumi said. "You are—still so young. I wish you had the chance to be more carefree. Like your friend."

"I wish you'd had that chance, too."

Illumi gaped at him.

"Though you are marrying that clown, apparently, so you'll get a chance." Killua scowled.

"I love him," Illumi said simply.

"I know." Killua sat next to him. "You feel about him how I feel about Gon, but with more murder."

Gon—in that way? Illumi felt something like panic shooting through him.

"We're kids though," Killua snapped. "Don't look so horrified."

Illumi relaxed. "Well, I'm happy—you have someone like that. You deserve it."

"I don't know," said Killua. "Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve to even be his friend."

"You said it yourself," said Illumi. "You're a kid. You don't have to be so harsh on yourself. You deserve—the world, Killua. At least that's what I think." He'd always thought it, from the moment he held Killua in his arms as a baby.

You were my world, because I didn't want the vaster world.

I just wanted you.

Now, he had more. Hisoka. Kalluto. Alluka. Milluki. And he felt full.

"Illu-nii," said Killua. "Alluka told me what you did. You saved her."

Illumi flushed. He nodded. "She's my sister. I know it's cheap to say that now, but I mean it, I do."

"I know," Killua said. "You saved her. I didn't think you would." He doubled over. "I was wrong. I couldn't save her, and you did."

Illumi didn't know what to say.

"We make a good team," Killua said.

Illumi's stomach fluttered.

"Can we try? I mean—if you start acting all controlling, can I tell you, and can you listen to me? And can we try? And if you don't feel like I love you, can you say so? Can you ask me?"

Illumi swallowed. He nodded. I may be the older brother, but you are teaching me.

You are the heir. Even by rejecting the family, the business, you are leading us all. With Killua, the Zoldyck family would never be the same. And Illumi wanted to be a part of it even more. "I really do love you, Killua. You and Kalluto—Milluki—Alluka. I want to get to know her more. And Nanika, too."

"Sounds good to me," said Killua. He hesitated, and then he threw his arms around Illumi.

And Illumi broke down, and Killua—he was crying too, both of them, despite being Zoldycks and it being forbidden.

I don't deserve you.

I don't deserve any of this, but—deserve is moot. I have—this is—

He would live his own life, from here on out. With Hisoka, and guide his siblings. I will try. And when he messed up, he would remember this moment. Both crying. A hug. Forgiveness. His brother, telling him he did love him.

A life with such a moment could never be hopeless, could it?

Chrollo woke to a text on his phone. Hey, Danchou. We're outside.

Chrollo eased himself out of bed. Kurapika still slept, breaths even and deep and calm.

The Zoldyck parents gave up eventually, after almost a week of everyone essentially being trapped in that house except Cheadle, who was complaining about how exhausting these Zoldycks were. Although Chrollo had been having fun combing through his book and trying to discover which nen ability he could use to repel them next. Alluka and Kalluto were having fun too until Illumi accused him of corrupting his younger siblings and Hisoka looked as if it was killing him to have to take Chrollo's side on it.

They all had dinner together. A picnic, in a park. It was Kurapika's idea.

"We'll meet up in five months time, all of us," Chrollo had told his troupe. "Location TBD. Don't get yourselves killed."

"For a wedding," Illumi added. "But not sure where we'll have it yet. Kukuroo Mountain isn't an option anymore."

Chrollo knew he'd wake up and find some of them gone. Maybe that was why Kurapika asked him to sleep in the same bed again.

"You'll miss them," Kurapika said.

Chrollo shrugged. "I know they'll be back." He couldn't protect them every moment of their lives, of his life. So he let them go, and he hoped they would return. This time, given Hisoka's engagement, they were less at risk. And he fully intended never to put them at risk again, in so far as he was able to. At least Kurapika would be there to play killjoy, as Phinks complained.

"Yo," said Machi, waiting outside his room. She had her bag slung over her back. Feitan was with her.

"You two leaving?" Chrollo asked.

Machi nodded. "We'll see you soon. Also, I told Phinks. If the Chain Bastard tries anything, call us and we will—"

"No more nails," said Feitan, eyes gleaming.

Chrollo rolled his eyes. "Oh, come on. I can handle myself."

"Not around him," Feitan pointed out. "You like under a spell."

"Where are you heading?" Chrollo wanted to know.

"We heard a certain prince is being a dick in the Kakin Empire," replied Machi. "We might want to ensure he doesn't cause problems now that he's back. Also, Phinks said he, Oito, and Woble are sticking with you guys. That's good. Nasubi's probably going to be mad at her involvement in all of this. He might send someone after her."

"Let him come," said Chrollo. "Phinks probably looks forward to kicking his ass. Though, he is Woble's father. Not that Nasubi cares about her."

Machi snorted.

"See you, Danchou," said Feitan.

"You two are okay with Hisoka now, right?"

Feitan scowled. "Still don't like him. But yeah. We okay. We move on and take what we can with us, leave the rest." He glanced at Machi.

Ahh. She showed you that. "If you two get married, I need to be informed first."

"Hey!" shouted Machi. She pushed him. And Feitan laughed.

And then they left. Chrollo rubbed his forehead and stumbled back into his room.

Kurapika was sitting up. "Tell Machi to be more quiet if she doesn't want people to hear."

"I may have provoked her." Chrollo winced as he eased himself back down, lying on his back. "They're dating. I think."

Kurapika arched his eyebrows. "Hisoka's never going to let that one go if he finds out."

"Who's telling?"

"Phinks, probably."

Chrollo snickered. "Probably."

Kurapika peered down at Chrollo. "Is Phinks in Oito's room tonight?"

"They're adults. They can do what they want."

"That's a yes." Kurapika rolled his eyes.

Chrollo reached up and flicked the dangling ruby earring.

"Where do you want to go?" Kurapika asked. "When we leave."

Chrollo rested his arms behind his head. "Where do you want to go? I could go—anywhere." He never had roots.

"Meteor City," answered Kurapika.

"Huh?" That was the last answer Chrollo expected.

"I want to see where you're from," said Kurapika.

You want to learn more about me.

You want it all. Everything. All of me.

"It's not a pleasant place," Chrollo warned. "It doesn't smell nice, for example."

"Neither of us have been pleasant people," Kurapika said. He laced his hand with Chrollo's. "Chrollo?"

"Mm?"

"Is that okay? Going there?"

Chrollo nodded. He was nervous. Because—I want you to like me.

Because you showed me how to live. You showed me how to escape Meteor City. You showed me how to breathe, break above the waves.

I love you.

"Chrollo," said Kurapika.

I want you to love me.

Kurapika hovered over his face. He cupped Chrollo's chin in his hands, pressing his lips into Chrollo's. For the first time since that first night, since that man tried to steal him.

You're stronger. Stronger than I am.

"Is this okay?" Chrollo rasped as Kurapika pressed deeper.

He nodded, pulling away. "I don't want to—go that far tonight though."

"Of course." Chrollo sat up, crossing his legs. Kurapika looked away, pulse hammering in his throat. "Are you really okay?" Should I leave?

Kurapika shook his head. "I apologized to Nobunaga today. For killing Uvogin. He said as long as I am with you, he will tolerate me."

"Thank you for apologizing," Chrollo said softly.

Kurapika swallowed. "Can I tell you about what happened?"

Chrollo clenched his hands around the blankets. He nodded.

Kurapika's voice came flat. Rageless. Chrollo actually missed it. "Anyways, he threatened to kill you. He said he always killed loved ones. He gave me a choice, really, except it wasn't really much of a choice—he knew what I'd do. From the beginning." Kurapika buried his face in his knees. "He said he would kill you, and he didn't really give me a choice. I asked. I said I'd have sex with him if he agreed to let you live. But he wanted me to ask that. I know he did."

Chrollo gripped Kurapika's shoulder. Oh, Kurapika. "It's not your fault. You didn't choose anything."

Kurapika let out a sob. "He didn't even—look at me. The entire time. I was just a thing to him."

Chrollo felt like he was going to be sick. You're not a thing.

"And I—all I could think about was Uvogin—when I killed him, I gave him a choice. Tell me where the rest of the Spiders were, or die, and he told me to die and called me a fool, and he died, and I couldn't help but think that I deserved—it wasn't a choice, I used that to justify myself, but what I gave him wasn't a choice, so I—"

"Fuck deserve," Chrollo burst out.

Kurapika lifted his face, tear-streaked. "Huh?"

He was crying, too. "You don't—it wasn't karma, it wasn't deserve, it wasn't because some god or fate or whatever decided to write—it was because that man is a cold-hearted lecherous bastard and if he ever gets out of maximum security prison I'll personally ruin his life." He grasped Kurapika's shoulders. "It wasn't because of you. You didn't deserve, and you didn't ask for it—it wasn't because it was supposed to be that way—it was wrong, because he's a selfish prick. It wasn't the same situation at all."

"I feel disgusting," Kurapika admitted. He hung his head.

I can't convince him. Chrollo felt helpless. All he had were his words. "Well, I don't. I think you're—everything I ever needed. You're Kurapika. You're beautiful." I love you. I want to live the rest of my days with you. I want to live, with you.

"You really think so?" Kurapika asked, voice soft, afraid.

"I know it," Chrollo said. We made bad choices, you and I, and somehow, you're kind enough to give me another chance, in spite of it all.

"Kiss me," Kurapika requested.

Chrollo's eyes widened. He leaned in, lips gentle. Kurapika kissed him back, mouth exploring Chrollo's. Chrollo lay on his back, Kurapika's weight pressed down on him, joined at the mouths. Not too far. Not today. But—someday.

"I don't like you for sex. I hope you know that," Chrollo managed.

"I'm starting to," Kurapika managed, his teeth nipping Chrollo's neck.

Please love me.

Kurapika pulled back, shifting off Chrollo. But he didn't roll away. He wrapped his arms around Chrollo.

"You're still… a specialist to me," Chrollo tried to joke.

"That," said Kurapika. "Is the worst joke I have ever heard."

Chrollo smirked. Kurapika reached out, tracing his tattoo, and he felt—known. Here, breathing, Kurapika, in his arms, warm.

To you, I'm not something to be thrown away. You know the worst things I've done, and I hurt you in a way I can never repair, and still, you're holding onto me.

You're the strongest person I know.

And he knew the answer to his unspoken request. Love me.

You already do.

"Whale Island is fun," Gon said. "At least. I grew up there, and Killua's been, and he thinks it's fun."

Hisoka contemplated throwing himself out of the airship they were using to get to the port just to see their reactions. But he wouldn't. Illumi was trying to play a card game with Alluka and Kalluto. Milluki and Palm were playing a dumb video game with Killua.

"You're not going to like, suddenly turn on Illumi, are you?" asked Gon. "Killua was worried but I said he didn't need to be. You clearly love him."

"Don't push it, kid," Hisoka retorted. "I do like being unpredictable."

Gon arched his eyebrows. "So you do want to fight him?"

Hisoka scowled. "I want to spar with him." Actually, they did spar with each other quite a bit. But he wasn't interested in seeing Illumi fighting for his life again. And Illumi wasn't even sure what to do about the assassin business. Killua told him if he wanted to take care of them, he couldn't do it, and so—well, Hisoka's killing days might be on hold. Until Silva inevitably sent an unfortunate soul after them, though.

He hoped that didn't happen.

Why?

Hisoka watched Alluka giggle. Illumi turned and glanced at Hisoka. He was smiling, as if he wanted to laugh, but couldn't quite bring himself to, not yet.

We'll get there.

Illumi wasn't fully alive when fighting. He's alive when he's with people he loves.

And I'm—I'm alive when I'm with you.

Hell, he was alive because of him. Because of the Zoldycks. Hisoka flexed his fingers.

You taught me.

Weird. I've never been much of a student.

But you… to you, I mattered. He never really considered that he could offer anyone anything more than convenience, pleasure, a laugh, fear, or pain. Hope had never crossed his radar. Truthfully, Hisoka didn't know if he'd thought it existed.

Hisoka's heart skipped a beat when Illumi smiled at him again.

"Are you crying?" Gon leaned closer. "I'm right, aren't I?"

He was not. He just hadn't slept well the night before because he and Illumi were fucking and that's why his eyes were stinging. "You are annoying."

Gon cackled.

"You want to spar, kid?"

Gon's laughing demeanor vanished. "No nen, remember?"

"So? You won a lot of fights without using it, remember? I'll refrain from it, too." Well, maybe. Maybe not. But whatever. "Your life is worth living without your nen."

Without it, he couldn't have survived.

But without it, he felt he could live. At least, he felt that way now. Not that he wanted to risk losing his nen ever. Or his limbs again. He kind of liked being whole.

"That's what Killua says, too," Gon said. A smile broke out. "But if you wanted to help me find a way to get it back…"

"Absolutely not," called Illumi's voice. "Too dangerous."

"Killjoy!"

"Hey!"

"It's—"

"You—"

Hisoka snorted, watching the Zoldycks and Gon go at each other.

Living itself, living with people, risking yourself every day when you peeled back layers for another person to examine your wounds, when you were tethered to the world around you—it was not boring, Hisoka thought. It was not boring at all.