Kate could see into his room as she walked down the hospital corridor. The bed was rumpled, but empty. She hoped whatever test they had taken him for wouldn't take long. The fresh coffee and still warm donuts she had as a treat for him were far too tempting to last if she had a long wait. Of course, if he had sweet-talked his way up to the maternity ward, she might be waiting quite a while. That was ok. Technically, this was official business. She was assigned to keep an eye on him, and even though a uniformed officer stood, or today sat, outside his door, she still saw that has her responsibility.

She nodded at the young officer, waving him back into his seat as she strode past, stopping in the doorway when she spotted Kevin. His chair was wheeled over to the window, where he sat unmoving, quietly staring out the window, not turning to acknowledge her entrance. She knew he'd heard her come in, and even if not, the smell of the coffee certainly would have alerted him. Still, he didn't react. The reflection he cast into the window was not at all what she had been expecting. Rather than looking like a man ready to go home to a life he had long dreamt of, he looked as if he had lost his only friend. Fear settled in the pit of her stomach. If something had happened to Jenny or Sarah, he would never forgive himself for the past months.

"Kevin - is everything alright? Sarah and Jenny?"

"They're fine Beckett. Everyone is fine."

As reassuring as that should have been, it seemed to somehow make him look even sadder.

"Brought you some coffee. The real stuff, not from here. And donuts."

"No - thanks. You have them."

"OK Ryan. That confirms the face. What's wrong?"

She was stunned by the haunted look he had when he finally turned to look at her. "Wrong? Why would anything be wrong Beckett?"

Not entirely sure of how she was supposed to answer that, she was saved the need, at least for a moment, by her cell. Seeing it was Castle, she looked back to Ryan, who had shifted his wheelchair to be turned away from her again. She answered but didn't have a chance to speak.

"You down there with Kevin? Find out what the hell he did to get Jenny so upset. She won't tell me because Sarah is in here with us and she doesn't want to be upset around her, but she's been crying and all she'll say is 'why would he do this?'."

Kate had walked toward the door to be in the hallway during the diatribe. When he finally stopped to take a breath, she was able to respond. "I thought she must have said something to him. He's down here staring out the window looking like he'd jump it if was open."

"This can't go off the rails now."

Nodding, even though it couldn't be seen, Kate agreed. "I'll talk to him. Might help if you came down here."

"Two minutes." The call disconnected.

"Was that Gates? Or IA? Who's coming down?"

"Castle. He's up with Jenny." Hearing the name was enough to trigger the start of a smile before reality crashed in on him again. "Good. When are the others coming?"

Beckett didn't answer, waiting him out. When he finally surrendered and spun back to look at her she spoke. "When the doctor says you are up to it, there will be a few questions to sort out."

The laugh he responded with had no humour. "Questions. Yeah, I'll bet. Damn shame I won't have any answers, isn't it."

Well, that was a start. "Give it some time. Your memories will come back."

"Given what I've remembered so far, I'm not so sure it that's a good thing. Although it would make the case easier. And you can stop wasting manpower having me guarded Beckett. I'm not about to run out. I do still have some sense of what's right."

"Ryan, what the hell are you talking about?"

"Can't do the time, then don't do the crime - right. Guess I'll find out how much I can handle." He pulled himself away again, seeing Castle's arrival only out of the corner of his eye. "Unless this is official business, I'd like you both to leave."

"I have an official question for you then. I would officially like to know what the hell is the matter with you? I just left the mother of your child crying and confused because apparently you don't want to see either of them again." Castle tried to keep the anger out of his voice, knowing that Ryan had been through a lot in that last little while, but they all had. Now, they needed the explanation.

The exhaustion and depression were evident as he deflated even further hearing her name. "Of course I want to see them, but it will just make it harder, for all of us. I – I don't want to hurt her anymore than I already have. I won't do that to her. To them."

Nothing they had found indicated Kevin had been in any way unfaithful to his vows, and Castle couldn't even imagine that would have happened. "Whatever you did while on the job, she will understand. She may not like it, but she is just so damn glad that you are alive, she really isn't going to be angry too long."

"Castle's right. She may be upset about all of this, but she loves you too much to let it end things."

"They'll end when I leave them again." He could barely be heard. "Why would she forgive me for that? Please, just leave me alone. And you can send that guard home. I'm not going anywhere."

There were several seconds of stunned silence as Castle looked back and forth between the officer outside and the detective in the wheelchair, trying to reconcile what was being said. Kate just focused on her junior partner.

Finally finding her voice, she moved over in front of him. "Why would you say that? He's not your guard Ryan, he's your protection. Until we can figure out what is going on, and be sure you are safe."

"You want to know what is going on? That makes two of us. All I know is I have spent 6 months as Fenton O'Connell. Not pretending to be Fenton O'Connell – being him. I don't remember much, but I remember that. And I remember the guy is a bastard. A mobster, a criminal, and a full-scale son of a bitch."

"And he's dead." They all turned at the sound of Gates voice at the door. Castle mind briefly flashed on the question of when she got so good at sneaking up on them before registering what she said.

"Dead?"

"Yes. Media release went out a little while ago. Fenton O'Connell was a casualty in the organized crime arrest on the docks, killed by one of his own cohorts. No one will be coming looking for him, for any reason."

Beckett thought about the time and energy put into the creation of the character. "The Bureau can't be to happy with that outcome." Personally, she was thrilled that the episode was over, never to be revived.

"Actually, it was Walker's recommendation. His way of apologizing to us, and Detective Ryan, for all that happened. So, that chapter is closed."

"No." Again, Ryan's voice was almost to quiet to be heard.

"No? Are you questioning the decision of your superior, Detective?"

"Well, since I can't be a cop any more, that would mean you are no longer my superior."

"What the hell do you mean you can't be a cop?" Javi had no idea what he had just walked in on but didn't like what he was hearing.

Castle was beginning to piece it all together. "You're remembering details of the last 6 months – aren't you?" Remaining silent, Kevin nodded slightly. "Look what you did while undercover…" The response was a shake of the head, but before he could speak, Gates did.

"He wasn't undercover. Agent Walker assures me the FBI had no more idea he was alive than we did."

"So, wait? You came outta the water thinking you were Fenton?" Castle stared at him. "You became Fenton – for real?"

"And did everything that son of a bitch would do. So, all that's left to figure out is what I am going to be charged with, and how long it will be before I can see my little girl again. Not that Jenny will ever let me near her."

Gates was shaking her head adamantly. "You weren't listening Detective. Fenton O'Connell is dead. So obviously, he won't be charged with any crimes, and certainly won't be going to jail."

"Then charge me as Kevin Ryan. What difference does the name make?" He was getting angry and was far past caring who knew it.

"But Kevin Ryan didn't break any laws." Beckett argued.

"For that matter," Gates added, "we'd have a hard time proving O'Connell did. Every bit of information we've been getting from the people arrested indicated you – he – went out of his way to avoid criminal actions. They all find it rather amusing that the one guy in the gang who seemed to care about that, was the one who was killed."

"But still –"

"I am not finished Detective. Do you recall, in your time as Fenton in Chicago, stopping your associates from beating a man to death over a delinquent loan? No? Well, he does. He was an undercover police officer in an operation that went sideways, and has confirmed that without your intervention, he would have been killed. There are also reports of you – as Fenton – going to great lengths to relocate drug activity from playgrounds and convincing some of the more sadistic pimps in the area to see the error of their ways. In short, DETECTIVE Ryan, you never stopped being a cop."

"You couldn't. It's in your blood bro." Espo smiled at him.

Kate squatted down in front of the wheelchair. "When all of this started, when Jenny came to see me because she was afraid for you, I told her you were doing this assignment because, you being you, there was simply no other option. You are a good cop, and more importantly, a good man."

He looked up at the faces focused on him. They meant it. The determination, support, and to his complete shock, love that he saw coming from them was too much for him to understand, let alone accept. "But-"

"Right now the only 'butt' here is you, bro, and it is being spelled with two 't's. Stop being a jackass."

"You did nothing wrong, other than upsetting a very patient lady upstairs who loves you, despite that thick skull of yours."

He focused on Castle's words. "Can you – would you –?" Why couldn't he get the words out.

"You want her down here, or me to take you up there?"

"Think it's time I went to her – don't you?"

Javi leapt behind the wheelchair before Castle could make the move. "My partner – I do the driving. Let's go see my god-daughter."

"Wait, your what? I don't remember asking you to do that." Ryan wasn't terribly good at pretending to be upset by the notion.

"Yeah, well your memory is scrambled. Or did you forget that too?"

Kate and Castle watched the duo head down the hall to the elevator. "Feels right to have the family back together, doesn't it?"

She nodded, turning to him. "Speaking of family, I invited Alexis and Pi to join us for dinner on Friday."

"Oh now Kate, why did you have to go ruin a perfect moment?"

C\C\C\C\C\C\C\C\C\C\C

The End