Celibacy
by: Aki Midori
Rating: PG-13
Genre: General, Humor, Romance
Warnings: Yaoi, suggestive theme, yaoi, yaoi, yaoi!!! Oh... This is an AU, too.
Pairing: Look at my name and you'll know... ^_________^ Oh yeah... plus a few other pairings too.
Author's Endless Blahs:
I'm back, minna! Here's the next madness! No little demons here, though. Kaede Jr's last chapter will be posted sometime this week. It's finished already, but I want you people to wait a little bit longer. Heh... I *am* an evil person. *snicker*.
Enjoy!
DisCLaIMeRs:
Standard disclaimers apply, thank you! (No wacky disclaimers for this one.. hehehe...)
----------
Celibacy
Prologue: I Can Do It!
So far, he counted three major cracks, four minor ones, silently talked with two lizards (a mommy lizard and a baby lizard), berated the pink ceiling, and sighed for a couple hundred times.
The woman beside him gave a happy sigh as she tightened her embrace. Her soft breasts touched his side, but he barely noticed it. Yeah, she's beautiful. Great lay, too. But he's not happy with this anymore. If anything... he's getting *bored*.
'Lemme see... One, two, three, four... twenty seven... thirty eight... a hundred and three,' he silently counted in his mind.
"There were so many, that I lost count," he whispered in the dark. He gave out another long sigh and disentangled himself from the unnamed species- er- woman. Silently, he gathered his clothes and headed for the bathroom. Once inside, he stared at the mirror and studied himself.
He couldn't help but smile.
"Yo, cool dude," he greeted with a smirk. Yeah, he's the coolest dude he ever knew. Jet black hair, deep blue eyes, perfect skin tone, perfect smile, gorgeous body... Yep, cool dude indeed. Not to mention, he's one of the youngest executives at the advertising company he was working for. He's young, he's rich, he's handsome, he's a good guy, and yeah... he's so goddamn handsome. And a sex god, too. No wonder the women tripped on their own feet just to get laid with him. Some even went as far as proposing to him. He snickered. How many girls were there, again? He doesn't know anymore.
*Sigh*
"I'm such a very handsome man," he said with a shake of his head. "Heaven must love me very much. Hmmm... Must be my blessing for making those numerous girls soooooo happy. Heh."
Yeah, so he's a bit vain, but oh well... he has every right to be vain. He looked at himself at the mirror again, but this time, saw a restless, discontented man.
He used to enjoy this kind of life before. He's a happy man who enjoyed wild parties, few drinks here and there, beautiful women, and good sex. Yep... sex is good for the health.
But nowadays, he felt bored with everything. Yes, the sex was still great. The women were still beautiful. The cash kept on flowing, but he felt... *bored*. Yeah, and incomplete, too. He's tired with this kind of lifestyle. Suddenly, he wanted something new. Something more. A new challenge. A new conquest. And he doubted that befriending lizards in the middle of the night is very enjoyable.
Suddenly, he's tired with the anonymous faces. He's tired with the superficial relationships. He's tired with sleeping with unknown women, only to wake up with an empty feeling. He's tired with the humping sessions, the blow jobs, the... er- other stuff which pertains to, uh, sexual intercouse. He needed something *more*. Something more profound. Something more meaningful. Something more... more... important and fulfilling.
He quickly got dressed, went out of the bathroom, blew the sleeping woman a bye-bye kiss plus a sexy wink and slipped out of the room. Once outside, he took a deep breath and went down the familiar corridors of the hotel, got into the familiar elevator, passed by the familiar receptionist and stepped out into a familiar street.
What is it that he's bored of, anyway? Sex? Women? This monotonous lifestyle of work, parties, tyrsts, and *ehm* sex and women?
Sendoh Akira wanted to *scream*. "What the hell is my problem?" he cried out in annoyance, earning him strange look from bystanders. Oh, to hell with these damned boring people. To hell with everything! He has an active sex life! What more could he want?!
Oh.
Something *more*, right?
Was he getting tired of all the sex?
Yeah, that must be it.
Sex, sex, sex.
"There's more to life than sex, right?" he asked himself, and, yet again, earning him strange look from the people. He gritted his teeth in annoyance. Haven't they seen a handsome man who talks to himself before? Oh well... he's too handsome that he attacts the attention of people within ten-mile radius. He can't blame them.
Yep... there's more to life than sex.
And, standing beside a bent lamp post, Sendoh Akira suddenly smiled. His brilliant mind yet again concocted another brilliant plan. He knew just what he needed! He knew now how to cure this emptiness. He knew now what this 'profound' and 'meaningful' and 'important' and 'fulfilling' thing is! Oooh... he has to share this with Hiroaki and the others!
********************
"You're doing what?!" Koshino Hiroaki exclaimed just after he oh-so-successfully prevented himself from spurting out the iced tea from his mouth.
Sendoh grinned and patted his bestfriend in affection. "I said I'm going to practice celibacy, pal," he announced proudly.
Koshino scowled. Maki coughed. Kiyota fumed. Mitsui choked on his strawberry-flavored waffles.
"Oi... matte," Maki said whilst running a hand through his hair, ignoring Mitsui's desperate cries for help. "You called us at six-thirty in the morning, practically hassled us via phone calls just so we could go here at this damned cafe, disturbed some of us in our *ehm* intimate moments, only to tell us that you've gone bananas and you're going to practice celibacy?"
"Pretty much, yeah. Except for that going bananas part," Sendoh said with a casual wave of his hand.
"You own a few loose screws, you big shithead," Kiyota grumbled. "So you've turned into a celibate pervert, that's fine with us, we wouldn't give a friggin' damn. But why involve us?"
"Did I interrupt anything, Nobu-kun?" Sendoh teased. "You're too grumpy this morning. You're far from being your cocky self."
"Hell, yeah!" Kiyota snapped. 'I was hitting it off with that gorgeous hunk,' he added in his thoughts.
"Who's the guy this time?" Sendoh asked, knowing very well that Kiyota could swing both ways.
Kiyota vowed that he would *not* satisfy this looney's impertinent curiosity. Mitsui helplessly waved both his hands in the air, still choking from his waffle. Koshino ignored Mitsui and continued to devour his banana and jelly sandwich. Maki calmly sipped his tea. Sendoh stood up, went to Mitsui and happily pounded on his back until the latter spat out a huge amount of -erm-... 'waffles'.
"Mitsui Hisashi, that's gross!" Koshino said. "No wonder you didn't get any date last night!"
"Hey, let's not meddle with my personal affairs, shall we? Plus, it's his fault!" Mitsui said in defense while pointing to a happy Sendoh. He gave Sendoh a glare and said, "Oi, hentai... would you repeat that again?"
"What, that Nobunaga's pretty grumpy today?"
"Your announcement, moron," Mitsui snapped. "I'm not sure I heard that correctly."
Sendoh pulled Mitsui's ear and shouted, "I! Am! Going! To! Practice! Ce-li-ba-cy!" in it.
"I'm not deaf, goddamn you!" Mitsui said as he pulled away and massaged his hassled ear. "And yeah, you can't fool us. You can't even fool our grandmothers. 'Sendoh' and 'Celibacy' don't mix. That's a fact of reality."
"Darn right," Kiyota agreed grumpily. "You, the infamous libertine of Happy Smile Advertising, Inc? The de-virginizer of innocents, the-"
"Cut it out, baka!" Koshino snapped. He turned to Sendoh. "What's gotten into that perverted brain of yours this time?"
Sendoh smiled. That was the question he'd been waiting for all morning. "Well, I'm bored with everything. I need a new challenge. I need a new *life*. I need something more profound than getting laid every night. I need something more meaningful than blowjobs and 69 and dragon postitions and flavored and ribbed condoms and-" He looked at a scowling Koshino and stopped before he give out too graphic details. "Oh well, I figured that I have to change my lifestyle."
"You think you'd be happy with that?" Mitsui asked.
"I don't know," Sendoh replied. "That's why I'm trying it for a whole month."
"What does celibacy has to do with your suddenly boring life?" Maki asked.
"Well, I said I need a new challenge," Sendoh replied thoughtfully. "I'm getting tired of waking up with a strange woman on a strange hotel bed. I'm getting tired of the parties, the trysts... everything! Celibacy is something foreign to me, so I guess I'd check it out."
The four other guys stared at him with a dead-pan expression. He stared back with a gleeful smile.
"You wouldn't last three days," Koshino stated. The other guys nodded vigorously.
"Hey, have faith in me, will ya?" Sendoh said exasperatedly. "Some friends you are."
"This is *you* we're talking about, Sendoh," Kiyota snapped. "You can't be left alone with a girl for five minutes without molesting her. I say you stop this non-sense, Sendoh."
"I agree," Maki, the most sensible guy of the group said. "Perhaps the reason why you've suddenly become bored with the girls is because you get the *same* type of girls. You know... blondes and babes and brunettes and redheads and the likes. Or maybe it's just a phase or something. You'll grow out of it."
"Yeah," Mitsui agreed. "Wait for a couple of days... a week, tops, and I bet your libido would be more active than ever. You just have to find the right person and get into the right mood and then wham! You'll be back with vengeance. That would be a hundred and seventy-seven girls, and counting..."
"But I'm talking to *lizards* right after sex! I count the cracks, I count the stars, I talk to myself. I'm getting tired of my life!" Sendoh argued. "I need something *more*!"
"Why not try men, instead?" Mitsui suggested. Kiyota and Koshino nodded in agreement. Maki simply grunted in response.
"I'm not in the mood for jokes, guys," Sendoh warned.
"I think this is getting too serious," Maki said. The other guys just rolled their eyes.
"Oi..." Sendoh started with a weary expression, "you don't believe I can do it, do you? You don't uderstand what I feel. I need a break from this kind of life. I'm going to try celibacy, and I bet you that I can hold on for a month and longer!"
But the other guys weren't listening anymore. They were discussing the weather, for crying out loud! Sendoh fumed. Some friends, he thought. No one could understand him. After all, they weren't the ones who wake up every morning with an empty feeling. They weren't the ones who counted the cracks at the ceiling, wondering what kind of life they were leading. They weren't the one who were sick and tired of the same old monotonous routine of work, party, women, sex and good-byes.
Well, he'd show them!
Before, it was just a matter of change and renewal. Now, it's a matter of pride. These men doesn't believe he can do without sex for a whole month. Well, he'd show them!
He banged a fist on the table but the four men merely raised an eyebrow at him.
"You realize now that your idea is pure non-sense?" Mitsui asked with a bored expression.
"Far from it, Hisashi," Sendoh replied with renewed vigour. "From now on, I'd stay away from sex, green jokes, kissing, porn movies, and everything else which includes being a hentai. I can do it. You just watch me."
"No women?" Maki asked.
"None."
"No kissing?" Mitsui said with a playful pucker on his lips.
"None at all."
"No porn movies?" Kiyota asked with a teasing grin.
"Nope."
"Even the green jokes?" Koshino asked hopefully. Sendoh nodded. "Hallelujah. Heaven just gave me a break. This means I'm free from Sendoh's obscenity for a whole month."
"Are you sure you won't try the guys?" Kiyota asked one more time.
"Yep."
"Well, Akira, we're your friends," Maki started. "Which means we'd help you out."
"Honto ni?" Sendoh asked with delight.
"Yeah," Kiyota agreed with a smirk. "We'd watch out for you."
"Thanks guys! You're real pals!"
"Don't mention it," Mitsui said with a careless wave of his hand.
Sendoh smiled in glee. "Okay. Starting from this moment on, I, Sendoh Akira, will no longer be a hentai! With these four men as my witness, I hereby vow to deprive myself of women, kissing, pornography and sex!"
The people from all over the cafe, specifically the senior citizens, threw Sendoh a reprimanding look. The four guys just snickered in response. Outside, the sunny sky was suddenly covered with thick, heavy rain clouds. Lightning striked. Thunder boomed.
"Whaddaya know, Akira," Koshino said with a smirk. "Heaven just sent its approval. You have to hold onto that vow, or we'll be very ashamed of you."
'Yes,' Sendoh thought with profound reverence, 'I can do it!'
**********
tsu.zu.ku
**********
*Sweatdrop*
If you ask me, I think this is a pretty lame crap.
But do leave a review... Just so I know that you're-erm- tolerating my madness.
by: Aki Midori
Rating: PG-13
Genre: General, Humor, Romance
Warnings: Yaoi, suggestive theme, yaoi, yaoi, yaoi!!! Oh... This is an AU, too.
Pairing: Look at my name and you'll know... ^_________^ Oh yeah... plus a few other pairings too.
Author's Endless Blahs:
I'm back, minna! Here's the next madness! No little demons here, though. Kaede Jr's last chapter will be posted sometime this week. It's finished already, but I want you people to wait a little bit longer. Heh... I *am* an evil person. *snicker*.
Enjoy!
DisCLaIMeRs:
Standard disclaimers apply, thank you! (No wacky disclaimers for this one.. hehehe...)
----------
Celibacy
Prologue: I Can Do It!
So far, he counted three major cracks, four minor ones, silently talked with two lizards (a mommy lizard and a baby lizard), berated the pink ceiling, and sighed for a couple hundred times.
The woman beside him gave a happy sigh as she tightened her embrace. Her soft breasts touched his side, but he barely noticed it. Yeah, she's beautiful. Great lay, too. But he's not happy with this anymore. If anything... he's getting *bored*.
'Lemme see... One, two, three, four... twenty seven... thirty eight... a hundred and three,' he silently counted in his mind.
"There were so many, that I lost count," he whispered in the dark. He gave out another long sigh and disentangled himself from the unnamed species- er- woman. Silently, he gathered his clothes and headed for the bathroom. Once inside, he stared at the mirror and studied himself.
He couldn't help but smile.
"Yo, cool dude," he greeted with a smirk. Yeah, he's the coolest dude he ever knew. Jet black hair, deep blue eyes, perfect skin tone, perfect smile, gorgeous body... Yep, cool dude indeed. Not to mention, he's one of the youngest executives at the advertising company he was working for. He's young, he's rich, he's handsome, he's a good guy, and yeah... he's so goddamn handsome. And a sex god, too. No wonder the women tripped on their own feet just to get laid with him. Some even went as far as proposing to him. He snickered. How many girls were there, again? He doesn't know anymore.
*Sigh*
"I'm such a very handsome man," he said with a shake of his head. "Heaven must love me very much. Hmmm... Must be my blessing for making those numerous girls soooooo happy. Heh."
Yeah, so he's a bit vain, but oh well... he has every right to be vain. He looked at himself at the mirror again, but this time, saw a restless, discontented man.
He used to enjoy this kind of life before. He's a happy man who enjoyed wild parties, few drinks here and there, beautiful women, and good sex. Yep... sex is good for the health.
But nowadays, he felt bored with everything. Yes, the sex was still great. The women were still beautiful. The cash kept on flowing, but he felt... *bored*. Yeah, and incomplete, too. He's tired with this kind of lifestyle. Suddenly, he wanted something new. Something more. A new challenge. A new conquest. And he doubted that befriending lizards in the middle of the night is very enjoyable.
Suddenly, he's tired with the anonymous faces. He's tired with the superficial relationships. He's tired with sleeping with unknown women, only to wake up with an empty feeling. He's tired with the humping sessions, the blow jobs, the... er- other stuff which pertains to, uh, sexual intercouse. He needed something *more*. Something more profound. Something more meaningful. Something more... more... important and fulfilling.
He quickly got dressed, went out of the bathroom, blew the sleeping woman a bye-bye kiss plus a sexy wink and slipped out of the room. Once outside, he took a deep breath and went down the familiar corridors of the hotel, got into the familiar elevator, passed by the familiar receptionist and stepped out into a familiar street.
What is it that he's bored of, anyway? Sex? Women? This monotonous lifestyle of work, parties, tyrsts, and *ehm* sex and women?
Sendoh Akira wanted to *scream*. "What the hell is my problem?" he cried out in annoyance, earning him strange look from bystanders. Oh, to hell with these damned boring people. To hell with everything! He has an active sex life! What more could he want?!
Oh.
Something *more*, right?
Was he getting tired of all the sex?
Yeah, that must be it.
Sex, sex, sex.
"There's more to life than sex, right?" he asked himself, and, yet again, earning him strange look from the people. He gritted his teeth in annoyance. Haven't they seen a handsome man who talks to himself before? Oh well... he's too handsome that he attacts the attention of people within ten-mile radius. He can't blame them.
Yep... there's more to life than sex.
And, standing beside a bent lamp post, Sendoh Akira suddenly smiled. His brilliant mind yet again concocted another brilliant plan. He knew just what he needed! He knew now how to cure this emptiness. He knew now what this 'profound' and 'meaningful' and 'important' and 'fulfilling' thing is! Oooh... he has to share this with Hiroaki and the others!
********************
"You're doing what?!" Koshino Hiroaki exclaimed just after he oh-so-successfully prevented himself from spurting out the iced tea from his mouth.
Sendoh grinned and patted his bestfriend in affection. "I said I'm going to practice celibacy, pal," he announced proudly.
Koshino scowled. Maki coughed. Kiyota fumed. Mitsui choked on his strawberry-flavored waffles.
"Oi... matte," Maki said whilst running a hand through his hair, ignoring Mitsui's desperate cries for help. "You called us at six-thirty in the morning, practically hassled us via phone calls just so we could go here at this damned cafe, disturbed some of us in our *ehm* intimate moments, only to tell us that you've gone bananas and you're going to practice celibacy?"
"Pretty much, yeah. Except for that going bananas part," Sendoh said with a casual wave of his hand.
"You own a few loose screws, you big shithead," Kiyota grumbled. "So you've turned into a celibate pervert, that's fine with us, we wouldn't give a friggin' damn. But why involve us?"
"Did I interrupt anything, Nobu-kun?" Sendoh teased. "You're too grumpy this morning. You're far from being your cocky self."
"Hell, yeah!" Kiyota snapped. 'I was hitting it off with that gorgeous hunk,' he added in his thoughts.
"Who's the guy this time?" Sendoh asked, knowing very well that Kiyota could swing both ways.
Kiyota vowed that he would *not* satisfy this looney's impertinent curiosity. Mitsui helplessly waved both his hands in the air, still choking from his waffle. Koshino ignored Mitsui and continued to devour his banana and jelly sandwich. Maki calmly sipped his tea. Sendoh stood up, went to Mitsui and happily pounded on his back until the latter spat out a huge amount of -erm-... 'waffles'.
"Mitsui Hisashi, that's gross!" Koshino said. "No wonder you didn't get any date last night!"
"Hey, let's not meddle with my personal affairs, shall we? Plus, it's his fault!" Mitsui said in defense while pointing to a happy Sendoh. He gave Sendoh a glare and said, "Oi, hentai... would you repeat that again?"
"What, that Nobunaga's pretty grumpy today?"
"Your announcement, moron," Mitsui snapped. "I'm not sure I heard that correctly."
Sendoh pulled Mitsui's ear and shouted, "I! Am! Going! To! Practice! Ce-li-ba-cy!" in it.
"I'm not deaf, goddamn you!" Mitsui said as he pulled away and massaged his hassled ear. "And yeah, you can't fool us. You can't even fool our grandmothers. 'Sendoh' and 'Celibacy' don't mix. That's a fact of reality."
"Darn right," Kiyota agreed grumpily. "You, the infamous libertine of Happy Smile Advertising, Inc? The de-virginizer of innocents, the-"
"Cut it out, baka!" Koshino snapped. He turned to Sendoh. "What's gotten into that perverted brain of yours this time?"
Sendoh smiled. That was the question he'd been waiting for all morning. "Well, I'm bored with everything. I need a new challenge. I need a new *life*. I need something more profound than getting laid every night. I need something more meaningful than blowjobs and 69 and dragon postitions and flavored and ribbed condoms and-" He looked at a scowling Koshino and stopped before he give out too graphic details. "Oh well, I figured that I have to change my lifestyle."
"You think you'd be happy with that?" Mitsui asked.
"I don't know," Sendoh replied. "That's why I'm trying it for a whole month."
"What does celibacy has to do with your suddenly boring life?" Maki asked.
"Well, I said I need a new challenge," Sendoh replied thoughtfully. "I'm getting tired of waking up with a strange woman on a strange hotel bed. I'm getting tired of the parties, the trysts... everything! Celibacy is something foreign to me, so I guess I'd check it out."
The four other guys stared at him with a dead-pan expression. He stared back with a gleeful smile.
"You wouldn't last three days," Koshino stated. The other guys nodded vigorously.
"Hey, have faith in me, will ya?" Sendoh said exasperatedly. "Some friends you are."
"This is *you* we're talking about, Sendoh," Kiyota snapped. "You can't be left alone with a girl for five minutes without molesting her. I say you stop this non-sense, Sendoh."
"I agree," Maki, the most sensible guy of the group said. "Perhaps the reason why you've suddenly become bored with the girls is because you get the *same* type of girls. You know... blondes and babes and brunettes and redheads and the likes. Or maybe it's just a phase or something. You'll grow out of it."
"Yeah," Mitsui agreed. "Wait for a couple of days... a week, tops, and I bet your libido would be more active than ever. You just have to find the right person and get into the right mood and then wham! You'll be back with vengeance. That would be a hundred and seventy-seven girls, and counting..."
"But I'm talking to *lizards* right after sex! I count the cracks, I count the stars, I talk to myself. I'm getting tired of my life!" Sendoh argued. "I need something *more*!"
"Why not try men, instead?" Mitsui suggested. Kiyota and Koshino nodded in agreement. Maki simply grunted in response.
"I'm not in the mood for jokes, guys," Sendoh warned.
"I think this is getting too serious," Maki said. The other guys just rolled their eyes.
"Oi..." Sendoh started with a weary expression, "you don't believe I can do it, do you? You don't uderstand what I feel. I need a break from this kind of life. I'm going to try celibacy, and I bet you that I can hold on for a month and longer!"
But the other guys weren't listening anymore. They were discussing the weather, for crying out loud! Sendoh fumed. Some friends, he thought. No one could understand him. After all, they weren't the ones who wake up every morning with an empty feeling. They weren't the ones who counted the cracks at the ceiling, wondering what kind of life they were leading. They weren't the one who were sick and tired of the same old monotonous routine of work, party, women, sex and good-byes.
Well, he'd show them!
Before, it was just a matter of change and renewal. Now, it's a matter of pride. These men doesn't believe he can do without sex for a whole month. Well, he'd show them!
He banged a fist on the table but the four men merely raised an eyebrow at him.
"You realize now that your idea is pure non-sense?" Mitsui asked with a bored expression.
"Far from it, Hisashi," Sendoh replied with renewed vigour. "From now on, I'd stay away from sex, green jokes, kissing, porn movies, and everything else which includes being a hentai. I can do it. You just watch me."
"No women?" Maki asked.
"None."
"No kissing?" Mitsui said with a playful pucker on his lips.
"None at all."
"No porn movies?" Kiyota asked with a teasing grin.
"Nope."
"Even the green jokes?" Koshino asked hopefully. Sendoh nodded. "Hallelujah. Heaven just gave me a break. This means I'm free from Sendoh's obscenity for a whole month."
"Are you sure you won't try the guys?" Kiyota asked one more time.
"Yep."
"Well, Akira, we're your friends," Maki started. "Which means we'd help you out."
"Honto ni?" Sendoh asked with delight.
"Yeah," Kiyota agreed with a smirk. "We'd watch out for you."
"Thanks guys! You're real pals!"
"Don't mention it," Mitsui said with a careless wave of his hand.
Sendoh smiled in glee. "Okay. Starting from this moment on, I, Sendoh Akira, will no longer be a hentai! With these four men as my witness, I hereby vow to deprive myself of women, kissing, pornography and sex!"
The people from all over the cafe, specifically the senior citizens, threw Sendoh a reprimanding look. The four guys just snickered in response. Outside, the sunny sky was suddenly covered with thick, heavy rain clouds. Lightning striked. Thunder boomed.
"Whaddaya know, Akira," Koshino said with a smirk. "Heaven just sent its approval. You have to hold onto that vow, or we'll be very ashamed of you."
'Yes,' Sendoh thought with profound reverence, 'I can do it!'
**********
tsu.zu.ku
**********
*Sweatdrop*
If you ask me, I think this is a pretty lame crap.
But do leave a review... Just so I know that you're-erm- tolerating my madness.