Avoiding Remus for the next five days was easier than Sirius thought. He'd wake up early, stay out late, eat meals away from home, and only come home when he couldn't find a proper excuse to stay away longer. Sure, it wasn't ideal or a long term solution, but Sirius wasn't in a headspace to ponder out either just then.

Unfortunately day five was the full moon and Sirius had no inclination to avoid Remus despite his wounded pride. Late afternoon found him stepping into the kitchen, greeting Remus with a brief hello, and grabbing the Wolfbane potion from the top shelf to mix into a cup of hot cocoa. Automatic, routine moments such as this almost took away the pain and humiliation as he stirred in some marshmallows, getting them just a bit melty the way Remus liked.

"Oh, thanks," Remus said in surprise as Sirius handed him the cup. "Sirius I…"

"Moonrise is at 6:37 right?" Sirius interrupted before his friend could spit out some half-hearted apology. Instead Remus nodded, his eyebrows furrowing imperceptibly. "I'll be there," Sirius finished before disappearing back into his room.

Somehow the full passed like any other previous transformation. The wolf and dog played, wrestled, and ran through the forest before retreating back to the Shack as Remus once again returned to himself. There seemed no ill-will from the wolf toward Padfoot, and it was only once he was his human self yet again that Sirius became at all self conscious. But he loved taking care of Remus, the fact that Remus would allow himself seen at his most vulnerable by Sirius was something he never took lightly.

So once Remus could stand on his own, Sirius wrapped an arm around his friend's naked waist and apparated them back to their flat. He drew Remus a bath, tended his deeper cuts and bruises, and helped him into bed. But while normally he'd stay beside his friend, reading to him as a distraction or simply being there incase Remus needed a pain potion or a warm side to curl into, Sirius couldn't bring himself to remain.

Not that he abandoned him entirely. Every hour he'd pop his head in to check on Remus, but he never stayed for long. The pained looks Remus cast his way were hard to bear, but whether they were directed at Sirius' absense or simply the wounds he'd sustained, Sirius didn't care to know.

As golden afternoon light began to filter through the blinds in Remus' room, Sirius had just finished rebandaging a wound across Remus' chest. Turning to leave, Sirius stood only to find a slender hand grasping his wrist.

"Stay."

Sirius let out a deep sigh before he could stop himself. He needed those words spoken so badly, yet they also unleashed a flurry of emotions within. The most poignant of them being anger.

"Fucking hell Remus," Sirius ground between his teeth, turning to glare at his bedridden friend. Remus dropped his hand as if burned.

"Swear at me all you like, it's better than silence," Remus said, his gaze pointed in return despite his exhaustion.

Sirius didn't care if he'd been childish in his avoidance. Anything seemed easier than this.

"Remus, what do you want?" Sirius asked resignedly, shoulders slumping forward.

"Not this!"

"Well me either," Sirius replied, looking up into Remus' hard eyes lined with pain. "But, let's be honest, you're confusing the shit out of me."

"I'm confusing? Sirius, you're the one who suddenly propositioned me out of nowhere then tried to make me jealous before vanishing for five days straight. Talk about mixed signals."

"You want mixed signals?" Sirius asked, squaring his shoulders and standing tall over his friend. "I stupidly got my hopes up, thinking you found me attractive, that maybe I had a chance. Hell, even that guy I was dancing with told me you were looking at me like you were in love with me!"

Remus sunk back against the pillows, a stricken look on his face. That was not the reaction Sirius was expecting. Denial sure. Maybe even disgust. But this, Sirius had no idea what to do with this. His anger seemed to seep away slowly as Remus sat in silence and after a minute Sirius sank down onto the far edge of the bed, facing the wall.

Perhaps he was reading the silence wrong, but Sirius was tired of all this stupid miscommunication. He had to ask.

"So...for how long?"

Remus took so long to answer that Sirius feared his friend had gone catatonic. He was almost ready to repeat the questions when a soft answer was finally given.

"Awhile," Remus said resignedly.

"Like, since your break up?"

"No." Remus took a deep breath. "Before."

"Oh." The shocked syllable filled every corner of the room. Turning, Sirius looked to find Remus staring down at his scarred hands. "Wait, but that makes no sense. Why didn't you ever say anything? All this time I could have been with you instead of the guys I dated, you know I'd have given any of them up for you. Why didn't you tell me?" Now he was angry again, his tone harsh as he slammed his hands against the mattress at his side.

"Because I knew you'd break my heart!" Remus yelled back.

"What?" Sirius was shocked. "Is that...some sort of prophecy? I don't get it."

"Of course you don't, you never do," Remus sighed shaking his head. "You have no idea of the trail of broken men you leave in your wake. When a sudden whim makes you annoyed that they have a tiny sneeze or they cut their hair in a way that reminds you somehow of a skunk. Then you leave them, no warning, no way to make things right. And then I'm left, cleaning up the broken pieces as they cry over tea at the breakfast table or call me to ask what they did wrong. So yeah, that's what I'm afraid of. Being another one of your idiotic men who thinks he stands a chance."

Stunned to silence, Sirius simply had no reply. He knew he'd messed up, hell only recently had he realized how much it hurt to have your feelings paraded about then trampled all over. It felt awful, and if he could take it all back and be less of a selfish shallow ass, he'd gladly do so. In all honesty he couldn't blame Remus for his reluctance to in any way show his feelings if this is how Remus though he would be treated.

"That's," Sirius started, "that's fair.

Sirius could not feel more horrible if Remus had actually yelled at him. It was as if his every flaw was being aired out in plain sight, viewed and critiqued by the person he most loved, most wished to impress. But it was all true. Though his ego hated to admit, Remus knew him better than he knew himself. And somehow still loved him despite it all.

Seemingly shocked at his own harsh words, Remus covered his mouth as if to push them back inside. "Sirius..."

"No. Don't say you didn't mean it. Or whatever other kindness you think I deserve. You know you're right. Even I know you're right. Just...it's not easy to hear."

Remus grabbed at Sirius' hand but Sirius shrugged it off. The touch of warm fingers almost burned him, a compassionate gesture he ill deserved.

"I need some time, okay?" Sirius pleaded, still not able to meet Remus' sad eyes as he rose stiffly from the bedside and shuffled toward the door.

"I'm glad we never dated," he said before he could think on his words, watching Remus face fall before he continued. "I'd never want to hurt you like this."

That afternoon Sirius vanished himself and his belongings to James and Lily's flat. He told himself it wasn't a permanent move, but sadly the spare generic guest room felt more welcoming than his own home at the moment. And though Lily and James attempted to keep him occupied, Sirius was still left alone with his thoughts at night, each more sleepless and long than the last. Every moment was spent thinking of what Remus had been going through, how long he'd put his best friend through such heartache, ruminating over ideas to try to make it up to him, to repair the friendship at the very least. But always hoping for more. Yet his mind drew a blank. Ideas, solutions, those were Remus' forte, not his own. So he simply did nothing.

It took a week for James and Lily to drag Sirius out of the house and to a cafe. Two weeks for dinner at a restaurant. By week three Sirius was okay with eating out, but not going to clubs, which was exactly where his two friends had dragged him to in an elaborate farce. Sirius had just sat down to dinner, menu in hand, when Lily grabbed his wand and James apparated them all into a loud sweaty room where he fell flat on his ass. Pride and behind bruised, Sirius allowed them to help him to his feet before muttering that he should've known when they asked him to change into tighter jeans and lose the sweatshirt.

"Come on, it'll be fun," James yelled over the crowd, dragging Sirius to a booth as Lily grabbed shots.

Sirius wanted to argue but honestly if they were finally going to let him get wasted, he didn't have it in him to care. By the third shot Sirius felt buzzed enough to be pulled to the dance floor by Lily who begged him not to subject anyone to James' offencive dance moves. Properly persuaded, because no one deserves to be on the receiving end of such uncoordinated limb flailing, Sirius hit the dance floor and found his heart slightly lifted as he let loose with Lily.

"Mind if I cut in?" A firm grasp on his shoulder and words spoken in his ear caused Sirius to turn to find a pair of stunning amber eyes fixed upon him. Sirius choked on his reply. But though Sirius was at a loss, Remus seemed purposeful in his request. Sirius turned to Lily, finding her suddenly on the edge of the dance floor by James and apparently intent on leaving him to his preplanned fate. Typical.

Sirius sighed dejectedly and took a small step back only to be pushed forward and into Remus' arms by the undulating crowd. Caught for a moment in the warm grasp, Sirius didn't want to pull away. But of course he couldn't stay.

"What's this about then?" Sirius yelled over the crowd. Lily still had his wand, curse her, or he'd disapparate on the spot, muggles be damned. Remus looked at his somewhat sadly and pulled at Sirius' arm, and of course Sirius followed. The bathroom they entered looked disturbingly familiar.

"Oh back here are we?" Sirius said, finally able to speak in a normal tone once Remus closed the door to the noise beyond.

"And here I thought you'd make this difficult," Remus replied sarcastically, shaking his head but with a slight smile on his face, damn him. Sirius frowned extra in return.

Crossing his arms, Remus leaned against the wall in, what Sirius could now see, was his own tight dark jeans and distressed tank top. Not that he was paying attention to what Remus was wearing. Sirius focused instead on Remus' face, his slightly smug, mostly confident expression, as if things were somehow going just his way. And even though he knew that might well be to his benefit, Sirius didn't want to give up his anger just yet, not without a reason.

"Then talk," Sirius suggested, leaning as casually as he could against the opposite wall.

"Right. Well I'm sorry," Remus began, and Sirius could only blink. He hadn't expected it quite yet but it was nice to hear even if he didn't have to actually fight for the apology.

"I definitely treated you unfairly. Didn't even give you a chance before jumping to conclusions. And I know I hurt you just as deeply as I feared you'd hurt me. So I'm truly sorry Sirius."

"Ah well," Sirius scratched the back of his neck. He couldn't say it was okay. It wasn't. Or that he forgave Remus, not yet anyway. At least Remus didn't seem to expect an apology in return. "What now?"

"Well, that depends. What do you want?"

A good question. At the moment Sirius was torn between wanting to punch Remus straight through that wall and kissing him so hard that they'd probably go through the wall anyway.

"Nothing I can have," he settled on.

"That's rather pessimistic," Remus replied, straightening and walking toward him.

"Forgive me if my mood has soured of late," Sirius said somewhat cuttingly. It wasn't fair. Remus looked a dream, golden hair, fit frame, not the haggard look that Sirius had been sporting of late. It was as if this entire ordeal hadn't affected him in the least and that hurt.

"I did say I'm sorry," Remus countered. "Yet you look just as angry as before."

"And you look bloody perfect. Life without me must suit you."

"Fuck you Sirius, I've been a right mess!" Remus raised his voice, narrowing his eyes and taking another step forward.

"Well fuck you too. You've made my life hell."

"No no, things were going just fine until you decided to bloody proposition me!"

"'Fine?' Wait, so you liked pining over me while I stayed oblivious to how much I was hurting you?" Sirius spat.

"Of course not! But can you blame me? I knew something like this would happen, you're a bloody drama queen!"

"Once again. NOT. MY. BLOODY. FAULT!" Sirius yelled back. "You're as much to blame for this mess as me so stop making up shit you think I'll do and blaming me before I even do it!"

Remus was silent for half a minute, staring at Sirius, then at the floor at his feet. "Fair," he finally replied between clenched teeth. "I jumped to conclusions. But you still acted a right ass."

"An ass that you fell for," Sirius said smugly, cocking an eyebrow at Remus. Determined to get another rise out of him.

Instead what he got was the firm press of lips against his own, sudden and overwhelming, crushing him against the wall. He let out a startled noise as the air left his lungs, cold tile at his back and Remus' warmth pressed along his body, hungry and angry and almost primal with need.

"You drive me crazy," Remus said breathily after a moment, breaking the kiss. The words were spoken an inch from his own mouth, warm and full of honesty.

"But you love me," Sirius replied back, giving Remus his most seductive stare.

"Fuck you," Remus said back, but this time the words had no bite, only longing. Then they were kissing again, hard and urgent, arms wrapped around one another, fingers threading through hair, no space between their firm bodies.

Sirius ran his hands along the waistband of Remus' tight jeans, thumbs pressing into the warm skin of his back and under the edge of the denim. In response Remus moaned into his mouth and thrust against him, his length digging into Sirius' thigh. Nothing could ever be as much of a turn on as Remus being hard for him. Sirius parted his legs as Remus nudged a knee between them, pressing his pelvis close, rocking against Sirius as all the blood in his body rushed to his cock. He was so aroused his balls ached as his mind told him to both take things slow with Remus and to hurry it up before he became the first man to die of unfulfillment.

"I want you so bad," Sirius mouthed against Remus neck, kissing and sucking the sensitive skin as Remus arched against him.

"Here? In this bathroom? So romantic," Remus replied.

"You're barking up the wrong tree if you want to be wooed," Sirius countered, grinding his cock against Remus' own. Remus moaned and swore under his breath. "But stop me if you want to take this slow." Sirius was in no mood to rush things if Remus was only after a kiss or two.

Dropping to his knees, Remus showed him exactly what pace he wished to set. Sirius gazed down to see Remus pressed to the strained fabric of his jeans, mouthing hungrily at his cock. "You want that?" he asked, widening his stance and jutting his hips forward for Remus to settle between. Fuck it felt good, the slight pressure as Remus pressed his face against his aching length, hot breath felt even through the layers of fabric.

"What the hell do you think?" Remus replied, and with deft fingers the man had unbuttoned and pulled down Sirius' jeans and had a mouthful of cock before Sirius could properly register what was happening. Sirius' head hit the wall behind with a smack, but he barely cared as Remus swallowed him down, hot wet mouth taking him in deep.

No blow job had ever felt half as good. Sirius knew there should be nothing special about this, just another one off in a club washroom. Yet it was everything to him because it was Remus. He both never wanted it to end and was desperate for completion. Remus' lips were so perfect, his tongue so agile as it teased his slit, hands firm and needy as they pulled at his ass to speed the pace of Sirius' small thrusts. Even though he knew Remus was getting him off, it almost felt as if Remus was doing this for himself, every moan around his cock was filled with so much need. As if Remus had been waiting forever for this.

Sirius felt Remus pull back, warm tongue tracing along the underside of his length until it flicked the crown, then look up to meet Sirius' eyes. Even from his spot on the floor though, Sirius felt like Remus was completely in charge and it made his heart beat faster.

"So, what do you really want?" Remus asked, an echo of his earlier words yet spoken in a voice deep with lust. Those lips that had been moments ago wrapped around him could undo Sirius in so many ways it made his knees weak.

"You. Just you," Sirius found himself saying without thinking. The words were stupid, and sappy, not anything he'd ever utter to another man. Yet it was true, and he was pretty sure Remus knew it.

Remus smiled, coyly, knowingly, shaking his head slightly. Sirius reached a hand down, a thumb tracing Remus' jaw, softly finding his lips as they kissed his skin. It was intimate and fleeting, but seeing love in Remus' eyes made him momentarily forget about the world, his worries, even his aching cock. Then the moment passed and Remus surged forward, pressing Sirius back against the tile and taking his thick length down his throat. Sirius pulled at his hair, running fingers through the messy blond locks as Remus boobed his head. Heavy and full, his cock surged in and out of Remus' mouth. Stretching his lips around its girth as Remus sucked at him hard.

Stamina was usually Sirius' strong suit, but not in this situation. Not with Remus doing sinful things to him with his beautiful mouth. Strong hands grasped at Sirius' hips, thumbs dug into the juncture between his legs and groin, holding him back as Remus moved up and down over his erection, taking Sirius in deep and then pulling off, leaving Sirius aching and wanting.

"Fuck Remus," he moaned, one hand grasping against the wall as the other sought to pull Remus back onto his cock as it arched toward the ceiling, red and thick as a drop of cum dripped down the underside.

"I'm going to make you come so hard you forget all those other men," Remus said softly, though the finality in his voice made Remus suspect how much he really had been hurting his friend unknowingly.

Sirius met his determined gaze and then Remus sucked him down hard, amber eyes watching him the entire time as Sirius moaned and bucked in his grasp, cock so near to bursting he could hardly stand it. Remus fucked his cock with his mouth, over and over until Sirius couldn't bear another moment and with a curse he surged forward, thickening and spilling cum onto Remus' awaiting tongue. With a moan of his own, Remus swallowed it down, urging Sirius on until his thrusts began to ease up, his cock softening in Remus' mouth.

Too sated to even stand, Sirius began to slide down the wall before Remus stood quickly to catch him. Sirius sighed into his arms, boneless and content, resting his head on Remus' shoulder. The unmistakable feel of a cock grinding into his hip quickly made Sirius snap out of his stupor as he realized his friend went unfulfilled.

"Shit, sorry that was selfish of me," Sirius said, one hand ghosting down Remus' hip to rub at his crotch. The press of what seemed a rather substantial cock against his fingers made Sirius take interest in exactly what lay beneath his friend's clothing. He rubbed at it with the palm of his hand as Remus' breath became more ragged and his body tensed against Sirius' own. When Remus' fingers stilled his wrist with a firm grip, Sirius turned to eye the other main with a raised eyebrow.

"Suddenly rethinking the whole romance thing? Want me to wine and dine you first?"

"No," Remus replied raggedly. "But if you keep that up I'm going to come any moment."

"Good."

Sirius reached a hand in, past tight jeans and pants to grasp Remus in his fist. "Don't hold back," he whispered into Remus' neck, sucking the sensitive skin as he drew Remus forth. His fingers barely wrapped around Remus' girth as he pulled the flushed cockhead forth, over the top of Remus' trousers. With a flick of of thumb over Remus' leaking tip, Sirius reduced his friend to moans and shudders before reaching back under the fabric to give him another tug. Remus bucked into his touch, yet the angle was awkward, so on the next upward pull Sirius released his grip and spun Remus to rest, back flush against his chest.

With greater dexterity, Sirius let his hand wander back down, jacking Remus off beneath this clothing, looking down to watch the tenting of fabric, the movement of his fingers as they sped over Remus' cock. Each upward stroke brough Remus' cockhead up and over the top of his jeans, wet with precum and dripping down his hand as Remus rocked into his fist, gasping and begging for more. He lay his head back against Sirius' shoulder, body both tense and limp in his arms, legs spread wide as Sirius placed one of his own between them, slowly nudging his balls with one thigh. With his free hand Sirius unbuttoned Remus' fly, licking his lips as Remus' cock sprang forth, pressing the zip down until it strained from within, hard and thick and oh so long. Sirius' mouth began to water. Damn but he wanted that. In his mouth. In his ass. Wherever Remus wanted to put it.

But for now he'd settle with getting Remus off. Sirius pressed urgent hungry kisses to Remus' arched neck as he gripped him hard, the slip of cum speeding his strokes as Remus rocked back into his body, unabashed in his longing. Desperate to get off, Remus was practically squirming in his grasp, his arms reached back to grab at Sirius, finding purchase all over his body as his cock leaked a steady stream. Sirius had never wanted to see another man fulfilled more in his life. Nothing was as beautiful as Remus coming undone in his hands, the thrusting of his body, the rocking of his hips, the cock that twitched in his grasp.

"Let me make you come," Sirius pleaded against Remus neck. Full of a need not even his own, Sirius pulled at Remus length, strong assured strokes from tip to root, touching him exactly as he himself liked to be touched. He wrapped himself around Remus, holding him as close as possible, letting him know this was special, not a one off, not something he would or could run away from even if he wanted to. There was so much more here, years of friendship and love, longing and hurt, frustration and ultimately fulfillment. Sirius wanted to give Remus everything he had ever wanted.

"Remus," he said softly into the other man's ear, a pleading for release, both physical and mental. Sirius wanted him to let it all go. So Remus did. With a shout so loud Sirius was sure s outside the bathroom could probably hear, Remus came. Thick cum spilt forth as his cock arched against his stomach, so rigid and heavy in Sirius' hand. Sirius reached down to grasp at Remus' balls, causing Remus to buck again, his voice lost, mouth opened wide as he continued to come, coating his stomach and clothing in a sticky stream of his own need. Shuddering and moaning, Remus turned his head, taking Sirius' lips in a frantic kiss full of gasped breathless words while Sirius continued to stroke him to completion.

Finally sated, Remus fell limp in Sirius' grasp. Sirius continued to kiss him, soft pecks and licks from lips to jawline, neck to ear and down his collarbone. Small noises of approval fell from Remus' breathless lips, until he'd regained enough strength to turn in Sirius' arms and kiss him back properly.

"I hate to ruin the mood, but I have to ask," Remus said nervously, causing Sirius to break away and look him in the eye. "But this isn't some one time shag right?"

Sirius hated that he even had to ask. "Of course not," he replied softly, touching Remus' cheek. "Plus, you've got to show me just how you use that." Sirius smirked cheekily down at Remus' flagging erection.

Remus laughed and shook his head. "What, have you been gay all this time and never known where to put a cock?"

"Not one like that."

"Ah. Well maybe the mystery has finally been solved. You just needed a man with a big enough prick to keep you satisfied," Remus replied biting his lip and blushing slightly.

Sirius felt himself harden at the thought. "Well you'd better take me home and show me where it goes then before I run off," he grinned.

Remus punched him once, softly, in the arm before a grin penetrated his facade. He grabbed his wand from his boot and twirled it once. "Your wish is my command."