For those of you who have stuck with me, this is the third iteration of the 'SMT and Castlevania protagonists live together' type story. The previous versions have no bearing to this one, other than minor callbacks.

The other night, I had a weird dream where I was the Demi-Fiend before the Conception. Apparently, he was in the cult with Ms. Takao, because she was open with him about how they were going to change the world, but she also said not to do anything out of the ordinary in case the world didn't actually end like they wanted it to. For some reason we were picking up other people's money, and we were going to hand it all off to the first beggar we found, which would be pointless if the world really did end.

In another weird dream, I dreamt that Rick Riordan came out with another book where Jason was turned into a wolf.

I've been playing Digital Devil Saga, and I think the saddest scene is the one where Fred is waving the Embryon goodbye. I think it's because it's relatable. I've never had someone very close to me die, but I can relate to watching someone leave and having that void in your life. Similarly, I felt pretty guilty about the Massacre route in Apocalypse, but I found that it was harder to be a jerk to Nanashi's friends than it was to kill them. But still, Apocalypse was the only game in the series to make me feel bad for murdering party members.

I've started Curse of Darkness, and thanks to a long discussion with another author on this site (kudos to you, LuciferXIII Trollkaiger Green), one of the first things I learned about the game was that Hector's voice actor is named Crispin Freeman. I also dug around on DDS's TV Tropes and found that he also voiced Heat. Now I only hear Heat whenever Hector speaks. It's only because I knew they're the same, though; I didn't hear Heat at all when I heard Matthias speak at the end of Lament of Innocence.

It just clicked that Heat and the heroine of SMT1 have some design similarities. In the concept art on Megaten Wiki, they both pose the same way (hands on hips, feet pointing away from each other), have the same one-shoulder cape over the left shoulder, and their hair parts and drapes in the same direction.

Cool real life thing: in Santz Cruz, California, there is a Belmont Street.

Also, in one of my stories, there was a minor character named Martin Seward, who is a descendant of Dr. Seward. I watched the movie Dracula, and it turns out that there's an orderly named Martin who works in Dr. Seward's asylum.

In another story, I gave Julius Belmont a relative named Seliph who is simultaneously his half-brother, step-brother, and cousin, as a reference to Prince Julius and Seliph of Fire Emblem 4 (same mother, but Julius's father is Seliph's uncle). Now the Netflix Castlevania shows a pair of peasants who argue over whether they're brothers or cousins because they have the same father, but the mother of one is the aunt of the other.

For reference, Kazuya is the hero of SMT1.

A Game of Cat and Cat

"Demon Summoning is one of the blackest arts imaginable. Not only must the summoner submit his God-given soul to vile monsters, he must sacrifice others to call forth his evil masters. I pray that this dark art shall be lost in the mists of time…"

-Diary of Leon Belmont, translated by Julius Belmont

Kazuya Kawamoto was good at many things. Swords, for instance. His movements were blindingly fast, even with the heaviest blade. Another thing he was good at was first aid. He knew exactly how to set a bone or stop bleeding in an emergency, and exactly what not to do when a bullet is lodged in someone's chest. Other things he was good at included stair climbing, falling long distances safely, navigating traps, keeping track of maps, boosting morale, and reloading guns.

But if there was one thing Kazuya Kawamoto prided himself upon, it was his skill with computers. He had been fascinated by them ever since he was old enough to be trusted not to drool over the keyboards. When he was thirteen, he had designed and built his own portable computer. By the time he was fifteen, he had broken and repaired it so many times that he could fix it in his sleep. It was also reinforced as best as his allowance could stretch.

His crowning achievement, in his opinion, was a virtual reality viewer. He had poured years of downtime into pushing pixels before it bore fruit. Unfortunately, he couldn't complete his masterpiece, a program that simulated a gigantic tree. It was supposed to have seasons, show realistic sunlight and shadows, and a nonrepeating bark pattern. He already made an outline for the forest he was going to make, and it was all a matter of making the trees. [1]

It was no exaggeration to say that Kazuya was the best computer scientist in the freshman class.

"A phishing scam?" repeated Soma Cruz, Kazuya's roommate. "You fell for a phishing scam?"

"It said that it could halve my student debt," said Kazuya tersely.

"Oh… wow," said Naoki Kashima, his other roommate, looking over his shoulder. "I'm very sorry, Kazuya," he said sincerely.

"I mean, I'm sorry, too, but… that's basic internet safety," said Soma. "I thought you knew about com-"

Naoki silenced Soma with a cutting glare.

"…Dinner's on me, whenever you want," said Soma quickly.

Kazuya sighed. Looking at his bank balance wasn't going to magically change it. "Thank you for the sympathy, but I want to be alone right now," he said, grabbing his bag.

Soma stepped back. "All right then. You have my number, so give me a call when you're hungry."

"Thank you, Soma."

Kazuya strode out of the room, his bearing as regal and arrogant as a lion, and eyes icier than the January sky outside. His footsteps scarcely made a sound on the tiled floors. With arms toned and muscled from years of swinging heavy practice swords, he yanked the door to the basement.

He probably would have looked very intimidating had he not been trying to eat three energy bars at once.

Despite his exceptional skill with computers, the fact remained that Kazuya was a refugee displaced from time, and more than a bit out of touch with the modern internet. The act of phishing, for example, was not terribly well known until well after the year 2000.

In Kazuya's timeline, the internet stopped working after the autumn of 1999, burned by nuclear fire, and no one had bothered to make a new one. Even with all the demons running around, it was still easier to pay a kid 500 Macca to carry a floppy disc across town than it was to make ethernet cables.

Most skilled programmers, on the rare occasion where they would be caught in this situation, would have hacked the money back. But that would have left a trail, and Kazuya had no intention of being arrested again. He wasn't sure if he could prove that they had scammed him first, and he already had a dim view of the justice system after his second stint in jail. Besides, just because he knew how to program didn't mean that he knew how to hack.

But most skilled programmers didn't know how to call up demons from the lowest pits of the Netherworld and make them sign away their freedom with digital work contracts. Especially not Lieutenant-Generals of Hell with the power to do practically anything in one night.

COMP strapped securely to his arm like an archer's bracer, Kazuya descended the steps that led to the dorm's basement. No one ever went down there unless they wanted to use the washing machines, and those broke so often that the students had long since jumped ship to the dorm across the street. Kazuya liked it down there, for the peaceful atmosphere and the comforting hum of machinery. It reminded him when he slept in tunnels.

Traditionally, summoning a demon required a ritual involving chanting, debauchery, alcohol, sugar, blood, and sacrifices, not necessarily in that order. Kazuya could skip most of that with the Demon Summoning Program, which translated the chanting and soforth into a smooth transition of binary. The sacrifices couldn't be eliminated, but it could at least make it a little less messy.

The only problem exclusive to the program was the fact that without drawing a summoning circle, users could accidentally summon their demons into walls. Stephen couldn't do much about that with just software, especially when it wasn't guaranteed that every computer had active sonar detectors, so he had to do some fudging. He used the CPU's orientation to calibrate the dimensions (somehow), gave the user the dimensions of free space required to summon the demon, and added an input for coordinates. It had taken Kazuya much trial and error to get this right, especially when he had to do this in the middle of a fight. [2]

Two wisps of pale fire flickered into being. They swirled around one another, and coalesced into a winged green imp. The demon hissed as it scanned the room for enemies, but relaxed when it saw none. Payment could be delayed when a demon was summoned in the middle of a battle, but Fallen demons preferred pointless formalities whenever possible.

"It has been a long time since thou last called me," said the imp in Japanese. "I trust you are well?"

Kazuya had made all of his speech-capable demons learn Japanese, partially because it was faster to communicate without the COMP's translator, but mostly so that they could communicate with bystanders. Kazuya used to send them on errands without him, and too often were they attacked by demon slayers who couldn't tell them apart from wild demons. The obvious solution of giving them distinguishing clothes or accessories stopped working after some rabble-rouser dressed up some captive demons in stolen clothes and turned them loose in the middle of the city. Not everyone believed a demon's word, but it at least cut down the number of incidents.

"Good evening, Fleurety," said Kazuya. "Unless you have any requests, I shall pay you in yen tonight."

Outside of combat, demons were only required to obey orders after payment. They could request or accept literally anything, and Kazuya used to amuse children with an anecdote involving a Titan, some sock puppets, and the entire plot of Final Fantasy VII. However, to prevent summoners from paying in garbage, there was a clause in the contract stating that a demon could refuse any offer that did not use legitimate currency. Kazuya had learned that the hard way after his time travelling adventure in the Diamond Realm rendered his yen valueless.

"Dost thou have any Macca?" asked Fleurety.

"I do, but that's for emergencies."

Since the point of the program was to bind demons to a summoner to make them fight, a demon could not refuse a summoner's orders if the summoner provided them with some form of legitimate currency.

Fleurety did not voice its displeasure. Instead, it said, "I accept thy offer of yen."

"Good," said Kazuya, digging into his wallet and dispensing the exact amount into Fleurety's waiting hand. "Instead of Magnetite, I offer you my life force for sustenance. After I finish issuing orders, of course."

Monetary compensation was at most an employer's obligation, but energy was a biological necessity that summoners had to provide. This energy had to be some form of life energy; demons couldn't use anything else any more than humans could eat lightning. The traditional way was to use human sacrifices, and Kazuya usually used a substance called Magnetite, but today he was using his own life force. This wasn't as dangerous as it sounded. If taken in small amounts, life energy grew back. It exhausted the summoner and made them unfit for combat, so Kazuya never used it when he trekked through Tokyo, but it was perfect for physically undemanding college days.

"I accept," said Fleurety. It kneeled, head bowed low in supplication. "What is thy bidding, my master?"

Kazuya held up a slip of paper containing what little information he could glean from the email. "Are you capable of identifying humans with this information?"

Fleurety picked up the paper and began reading. "I am," it said after a minute.

"Good," said Kazuya. "I have good reason to believe that the person, or people, to whom this information belongs to has stolen from me. I command you to investigate their records and determine if this is true. If they stole from me, make them return everything they stole using this scam. Under no circumstances are you do harm them, let them know who I am, or allow anyone other than myself or any others on the list to see you. Make sure that they return more than just my money, or else they'll know I'm the one behind this. I advise that you leave some ice or slash marks on the walls, so they know that it isn't a dream."

"Detailed as ever, master," said Fleurety. "Very well. One night, I promise thee."

Kazuya raised a hand. "I'm not finished," he said. "In addition, I order you to get me a 300 ml cappuccino, made with whole milk, 5ml of cocoa dusted on top, and 5 ml of cinnamon mixed in with the milk. And a chocolate croissant from the pastry shop next to the train station. And a bowl of jambalaya, too. Place the cappuccino, croissant, and jambalaya on my desk within an hour of acquiring them."

"Very well, then."

"And I've been neglecting the dishes as of late…"

Oh, Lucifer, not again. Fleurety thought.

"…Make sure to separate the whites, the colors, and the delicates…"

I used to assassinate my masters' enemies, fill their castles with gold and treasure, and grant them the most erotic desires of the flesh.

"You might as well give any homeless people you encounter a decent meal…"

I thought I'd be granting another son of man his deepest desires, but no, he wants to build houses and soup kitchens.

"Don't mix bleach and ammonia; that's poisonous…"

Forcing us to memorize his battle codewords was bad enough. I don't think I'll ever stop thinking of flanking from the left whenever someone mentions chocolate muffins.

"Oh, and get me some Pocky…"

Fleurety did not need to breathe, but it made the best semblance it could of clearing its throat. "May I speak, Master?"

Kazuya nodded. "Proceed."

"I beg of thee, write me a list of thy commands. Thou ask much of me, and I do not wish to neglect any of thy requests."

"Hm… you have a point," said Kazuya. He took a notebook out of his bag and started jotting down orders. "Just do everything on this list. Can you do all of these?"

"I cannot perform all of those tasks," said Fleurety with forced blandness. It had to get his revenge somehow.

Kazuya paused. "Let me ask something else. Which items are you incapable of performing?"

Fleurety couldn't help but smirk as it said, "The third item from the top with a prime number of letters, all items that have a perfect number of vowels, the-" [3]

Kazuya raised a hand. "Indicate which actions you cannot perform by tapping them with your finger."

Fleurety tapped the twelfth item on the page.

"All right, so you can't scrub the floors without waking up my-"

Fleurety kept on tapping that item.

"…Answer me. Are you tapping in Morse code?"

"Yes."

"Can you translate it?"

"Yes."

"What is the translation?"

"Henceforth, let it be stated that the truth value of the first statement is equal in value to the statement Left-Parenthesis Left-Parenthesis True AND False Right-Parenthesis XOR Left-Parenthesis False AND False Right-Parenthesis Right-Parenthesis OR Left-Parenthesis Left-Parenthesis True OR False Right-Parenthesis AND Left-Parenthesis True XOR False Right Parenthesis Right Parenthesis STOP The truth va-"

Kazuya raised his hands up in defeat. "All right, you win. I'm brute-forcing this. Can you perform the first item on the list?"

"Yes."

"Can you perform the second item on the list?"

"Yes."

"How many items can you not perform?"

"The number of items that I cannot perform is equal to the second happy number."

"…Can you perform the third item on the list?"

This went on until Kazuya learned that he could not perform the fifth, seventh, eighth, twelfth, fifteenth, twenty-third, and twenty-seventh item on the list. "I assume you want your Magnetite now?" he said icily.

"Aye, verily."

Kazuya took off his jacket and rolled up his left sleeve. "Take only what you require."

Fleurety knelt and bit Kazuya on the shoulder with his long, sharp fangs. Kazuya winced, but did not cry out. The more painful the wound, the more Magnetite was generated.

After what felt like an eternity, Fleurety let go. "Thy will be done," it said as it vanished into the darkness.

His only witness gone, Kazuya finally allowed himself to collapse spread-eagled on the ground. He heard a high-pitched ringing in his ears, and the noise of the machines began to sound farther and farther away. "You had better be worth it," he muttered as the edges of vision began to darken. [4]

When his tongue and teeth stopped feeling numb, Kazuya figured that he could sit up. With hands made clumsy with weakness, he poured an exact amount of rubbing alcohol on his wound. He then forced a square of chocolate into his mouth, savoring the taste. Feeling slightly better with some sugar in his bloodstream, he struggled to his feet and used the wall to get back to his room (cursing the stairs every step). He wolfed down leftover rice, fish, and fudge cake (he'd asked Fleurety to clean up after him) before collapsing into his bed without bathing or brushing his teeth.

By the morning of the next day, Kazuya's bank account balance had righted itself, and his room was a little cleaner than before. Soma had left him a large beef bowl with extra vegetables in the fridge for him, along with a note saying that it was for him. Kazuya celebrated with the cappuccino, changed his bank account number and password, and returned Fleurety to whence he came. He told his roommates that he hacked his money back, and they believed him. Soma still insisted that he could have the bowl.

A good night's rest and two meals couldn't completely cure Magnetite deficiency, but he could at least walk to the lecture halls, given a few breaks in between. He should have been fine by the next day, when he would be meeting with that poor kid he met over the internet who needed some cash to pay back her little brother's hospital bills before her father would have to give their college funds to the yakuza.

The only problem was the slowly melting bowl constructed of frozen jambalaya that Fleurety placed on top of his 8432 yen discrete mathematics textbook. "Note to self," he said as he wiped down his book. "A bowl of jambalaya is not the same as a bowl containing jambalaya."

X

A few days passed. Not much happened to Kazuya. He recovered quickly with rest and plentiful food, luxuries that he still had trouble believing in. He handed in homework, watched cat videos, and submitted his Neopets password to the inspector.

As usual, he paid little attention to his roommates.

X

It was a beautiful January day in Haruhata City. The bright sunlight and cloudless sky gave the illusion of a pleasantly warm spring day to those who chose to spend their Sundays indoors, but this lovely image fooled no one. It was bitterly cold.

Everywhere in the city, shops that sold tea, coffee, or hot chocolate saw small but meaningful bumps in profit. Even the coffee shop next to Haruhata University saw more sales during this seasonal winter depression than during finals week.

That café, called Back in Black, was unsurprisingly packed. Hardly anyone took particular notice of the three people sitting at a table in the corner. Who would? After all, they looked completely ordinary, with their orange, yellow, and white hair in Japan, and their perfectly normal fluffy white longcoats, and their… never mind.

"You're probably wondering why I called you here today," said Yoko Belnades, professional monster hunter and scion of a clan of magicians. In front of her was a chocolate croissant and a black coffee.

"If I had to guess, I'd say it's because you couldn't discuss it over the phone," said Mina Hakuba, part-time miko and daughter of a clan of shine priests. She was holding a currant scone in one hand and a paper cup of ginger tea in the other.

"And it has to do with… my problems," said Soma Cruz, reincarnation of Count Dracula, King of All Vampires, Lord of Terror, and never, ever called the Prince of Darkness. A cup of hot chocolate and a cherry Danish sat on a plate, untouched.

Yoko nodded. "Exactly," she said.

"Then why are we discussing this in a café instead of somewhere secure?" asked Mina.

"This is secure," said Yoko. "At least, it's the most secure place I can find."

"How?" said Soma incredulously. "If you're a professional va—a professional, why isn't there-"

"I can't take you anywhere else," interrupted Yoko. "HQ's off limits to civilians, and even if it wasn't, I don't want my coworkers to hear your secrets. Same goes for my apartment; we're all in the same building and the walls are thin. You probably have roommates. A crowded place like a coffee shop near a college is loud enough so that no one can hear us."

"Does that really work, or did you just get that from Harry Potter?" asked Mina.

"If you don't believe me, just try listening to what those kids next to us are talking about," said Yoko.

"…How wonderful grass smells when you're rolling around in it?" said Mina after a few seconds.

"Clean water just falls from the sky and no one bothers to pick it up?" added Soma.

"All right, bad example," admitted Yoko. "But even if they can hear us, it doesn't mean that they will. Most people are too caught up in their own lives to pay attention."

"Even if we start talking about vampires?" said Mina.

"Even then. Most normal people would rather think that we're either crazy or talking about a story. One of my coworkers swears that they overheard some bank robbers talk about their job a week before they actually did it. Happy now?"

"Okay then," said Mina. "Sorry about the delay, I just wanted to be sure."

"It's fine; you were just being safe."

Soma tore off a piece of his Danish, but did not eat. "So what's so important that you'd come all the way here just to tell us?" he said. "The suspense is killing me."

"The thing that I called Mina in the dead of night to call a meeting for?" said Yoko.

"Yes, that," said Soma.

"The thing that's so secret that I'm constantly looking over your shoulders to look for eavesdroppers?" said Yoko.

"Yes," said Mina.

"The thing that's so important that I'm willing to go against orders and risk getting fired?"

"Now you're just messing with us," said Soma.

"Come on, what is it?" said Mina eagerly.

Yoko said it.

"…That's it?" said Mina.

"But we already knew that," said Soma.

Yoko stretched. "I'm not after your life," she repeated, more out of teasing amusement than annoyance.

"…You're messing with us," said Mina. He tone was that of annoyance, but a smile slipped out.

Yoko took a sip of coffee. "Fine, that's only technically true."

Yoko's eyes flitted around the café, and Soma realized that she had chosen their table for a reason. Her back was up against the corner, so she could see almost everyone in the room. She had placed Soma and Mina so that she couldn't be seen by people on the street. "I really could get fired over this, but a misunderstanding could be a disaster, and it would be incredibly stupid if we could have just sat down and talked it over. Besides, it's not like I'm the first person to spill."

"Spill what?" said Mina.

Yoko lowered her head to the level of the table. "I'm on a mission right now, right here in Haruhata City," she hissed in a low whisper. "I can't tell you the details, but I can assure you that it has nothing to do with Dracula. We think."

"You think?" said Mina.

"There's no proof that he or his cults are involved," said Yoko. "And by 'no proof', I mean 'not enough information for any meaningful conclusion,' not 'curse you, Lex Luthor, we know you did it but you're too good at covering up evidence.'" Yoko caught Mina's grin. "Fine, I can only assure you that I was not sent here because of Dracula."

Soma coughed. "Not that I'm not grateful for the info, but… why did you need to tell us this?"

Yoko shrugged. "I'm a professional vampire hunter. You're Dracula's reincarnation. If I started hanging around your city for no reason, and made flimsy excuses when you pressed for answers, you'd think that I was up to something, wouldn't you? And if I didn't explain anything, the easiest answer would be that I'm spying on you and betraying your trust."

Soma and Mina looked at each other. "You watch a lot of movies, don't you?" said Soma.

"Enough to know how stupid miscommunication plots are," said Yoko.

"But… if you're warning us that there will be spies around here, and you're telling us not to worry, wouldn't that be the perfect cover for you to actually spy on us?" said Mina.

"Wouldn't it be more efficient to not tell you?" said Yoko.

"Only if your spies are absolutely sure that someone with Soma's abilities won't notice them."

"Do you really have that much faith in Soma's powers of perception?" said Yoko.

Mina shrugged. "I haven't witnessed them firsthand, but if I knew that my target is the only known wielder of a supernatural power that has a seemingly infinite number of unconventional uses, I'd be as careful as I could."

"True," said Yoko.

"So how do we know that you're not actually spying on us?" said Mina in a forced casual tone.

Yoko paused. "If I said that you'd see us more if we really were spying on you, that's not proof because spies aren't supposed to be seen. Maybe I could prove it by…"

"Telling us what you're going after will suffice," said Mina with a smile.

"But even if I did tell you, I might be lying," countered Yoko.

"True, true… But it's possible to tell when someone's lying, right?"

"But even if you know if I'm lying, that doesn't get you any closer to the truth, because you don't know if I'm hiding the fact that I'm spying on Soma or if I'm covering up something else."

"But then if I took a squirrel and-"

Yoko never heard what Mina would do with a squirrel, because Soma chose that time to interrupt.

"Who do you work for, anyways?" said Soma suddenly.

The smile fled from Yoko's face faster than a Tsuchinoko. "Are you accusing me of being a spy?" she said in a carefully measured tone.

"What? No!" said Soma, startled by her sudden seriousness. "It's just… I'm confused because you've always been unclear about that. You said the church sent you for Castlevania, but you were also working with Arikado, who was working for some Japanese intelligence thing. And you were working with him and Julius in Celia's castle. Which organization do you work for?"

Yoko blinked owlishly, than leaned back in her chair. "Sorry. Work habit. I get accused almost every time I'm hired. And no, I don't keep losing my job," she added when she saw the question Mina was afraid to ask. "I'm a freelance magician."

"You're a mercenary?" said Soma.

"I'm a freelance magician," insisted Yoko.

"What's the difference?"

"I only get hired by people who believe in magic." Yoko took another sip of coffee. "To answer your question, the church hired me for Castlevania, but I worked with Arikado because I knew him from before. Normally, the Agency of Supernatural Investigation—that's Arikado's 'Japanese intelligence thing'—doesn't allow its members to work with outsiders unless strictly necessary, but he wasn't acting in their name for Castlevania. I don't think the Agency even knew that Castlevania was in Japan at all." [5]

"Really?" said Mina.

"I figured that if they knew, they'd send at least someone," said Yoko. "But I'm not really a member, and Arikado never talks about what he did there, so I can't be certain."

"What about Celia's castle?" asked Soma. "Did that Agency hire you?"

Yoko nodded.

"Julius too?"

"Technically, Julius isn't a mercenary, but he came on their behalf," said Yoko. "He's supposed to be training his successor, but he had to come because a Dark Lord might have been involved. He can't stop for anything less." She took a bite of croissant. "And there's your proof, Mina. If Dracula was involved, Julius would be here with the Vampire Killer."

"But how can you prove that he's not here?" said Mina.

"I can prove that he's somewhere else," said Yoko.

"Fair enough," said Mina. "You win this round."

"Any more questions?" said Yoko. Soma and Mina shook their heads. "None? In that case, I need to finish unpacking."

"Do you need any help?" offered Mina.

"No, I'm all right on my own," said Yoko, stuffing the remains of her chocolate croissant in her mouth. "See you later!"

The three of them said their goodbyes, and left to do more work.

It wasn't until dinnertime that Mina realized that Yoko never told her what she was after.

"What could possibly be so important that the government would hire a mercenary?" she said to herself.

X

The Vortex World was a harsh, unforgiving desert. The glare of Kagutsuchi did little for the plants, but instead gave rise to seas of poison, rivers of Magatsuhi, and oceans of sand. There was little enough for a human to eat in a world of ruin, so the Demi-Fiend was forced to subsist on a diet of other demons. One might think that after returning to a society where food cost less than an hour's hunt, one would want all sorts of treats like ice cream, steaks, parfaits, or even sushi.

But after surviving for months in a barren desert of demons, destruction, and doom, the dreaded Demi-Fiend just had a craving for sandwiches.

Even though it was only a few months shy of two years since the world was restored, Naoki Kashima still enjoyed sandwiches. He ate at least three every day, stuffed full of fish, beef, lettuce, cucumber, pork, or whatever was on sale. It was cheaper than buying a hot lunch every day, too.

One frosty morning, Naoki used the last slice of bread in the package, and was about to move on to the next bag when he realized that the baker had somehow forgot to slice the bread.

Naoki's first idea was to just get a knife, but then he remembered that his cheap knife was too short to cut through the bread evenly.

Naoki's second idea was to use his nails, the same tools that had opened cans and cans of cold soup, grass jelly, and beans, but then he realized that even if his nails were sharper than a vain man's razor, they were shorter than his knife.

Naoki's third idea was to use the energy sword that he produced whenever he used Deadly Fury. This sword was definitely long enough for a clean cut, and if the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy movie was correct, it might even toast his bread.

"Soma's off with his girlfriend, and Kazuya's off in the lab," Naoki said to himself as he shut the curtains. "No one's going to see."

Naoki placed the bread on his desk and held out his right hand. A shimmering sword of light flickered into existence. The bread toasted beautifully as the blade sliced through it, every slice with a golden-brown shell no thicker than an eggshell, leaving a soft, buttery center. It offered no more resistance to the sword that slaughtered thousands than a knife through water.

Unfortunately, neither did the desk.

"…Crap," said Naoki. He grabbed one of the unused trash cans (all three of them had brought one, but only the biggest one got used), stacked last semester's textbooks on top, and propped up both halves of the desk. Thanks to the fact that the desk rested on panels instead of legs, the new pillar wouldn't be seen from most angles.

Crisis averted, Naoki sat down and considered his options.

"I could swap it with someone else's, and leave it to them… no, wait, then they'd just tell their roommates that they have no idea what happened to their desk. Maybe I can say it was like this when I got here. Yes, as long as they don't think I did it—and I'm too weak and skinny to cut a table in half, even with a sword—mysterious phenomena happening around me won't be too suspicious."

Naoki let out a sigh of relief. "I wish I could afford a spare desk…wait."

Naoki's gaze fell on a dusty desk. "Thank goodness for my missing roommate."

By the time Soma and Kazuya came back, Naoki had successfully swapped his desk with that of their fourth roommate, whom they hadn't seen in days. When Daisuke Higawa came back and knocked over the support pillar, he'd be the one to deal with the broken desk and the barrage of questions.

"Serves you right, putting rotten fish in my underwear," Naoki muttered.

X

That night, Yoko Belnades collapsed on her couch, exhausted from the day's work.

Idly, she went to her laptop and played back the security footage that Arikado had sent her and the team.

A green monster emerging from a shadowy corner of a café, putting on a hat and apron, and brewing the tastiest looking cup of coffee that Yoko had ever seen.

The same green demon snatching dishwashing liquid and laundry detergent from the shelves of a supermarket, vanishing, and reappearing to replace the partially used bottles onto the shelves.

The green demon mucking around with a pot of stew and a freezer in a restaurant.

The green demon placing a steaming Styrofoam cup of something next to a sleeping homeless person, caught by a bank's exterior cameras.

The green demon drinking a bottle of whiskey in a library and pouring through a math textbook.

Yoko had thought it was drunk at first, but there was a distinct lack of stumbling and clumsiness. It acted too keenly, too precisely, to be drunk.

Arikado had agreed. Yoko recalled his grave words as he handed her the memo a week before. "Another demon summoner," she said to herself. "Is this really coincidence?"

TO BE CONTINUED!

[1] The trees and forest: I think that in-universe, Arcadia is incredibly fake-looking for anyone who knows what forests look like. But by the time SMT2 rolls around, there hasn't been a forest near Tokyo for a hundred years. Kazuya and Stephen, and maybe Aoi (for reasons I will explain later) are the only ones who remember forests.

[2] How Stephen prevented telefragging with summoning: Stephen went on to fix this problem in later incarnations of the program.

The version that Aleph got made a transparent, incorporeal box that showed where the demon was going to be summoned. Unlike Kazuya's version, the coordinates could be changed by pressing the up/down/left/right/1/2 buttons in addition to typing, but it still followed the movements of the computer.

The people of Tokyo in SMT4 used this same principle, but instead used a pair of floating rings that rotated around perpendicular axes. Unlike previous versions, once those rings appeared, they stayed in place even if the phone moved.

The Samurai of Mikado had their Gauntlets designed by Stephen, so this time he installed active sonar. He gave the user two options: the first was to let the computer pick the ideal location. The second was to make those same rings as the Tokyo version, but they'd change color if they touched something other than air.

[3] Fleurety and letters: Fleurety messes with Kazuya by making it hard to tell which items he can't do. Specifically, he refers to the number of letters and consonants. I think of the characters speaking in Japanese and my writing is the English translation. In Japanese, he would refer to the number of strokes and the number of strokes in the kanji.

[4] Kazuya passing out: This is from my own experience with almost fainting.

[5] The Agency doesn't know about Castlevania: According to Castlevania Wiki, the unnamed Agency that Arikado works for is a super-secret, powerful organization that operates in the shadows and might have been involved with the Battle of 1999.

Unfortunately, I didn't know that when I planned this story.

The Agency isn't the powerful force it is in canon for several reasons. First, there's no solid evidence that they're competent in canon because the only confirmed agent you see is Arikado, and I attribute everything he does to him instead of some organization that's barely referenced. I also once misread Arikado's profile and thought he infiltrated the Agency instead of joining it, which colored my impression.

Second, Yoko isn't a member in this story. Since the Agency had to hire two outsiders in DoS, I figured that they didn't have that many competent members.

Third, if the Agency did its job properly and secured every threat, there wouldn't be a plot. And if the wild card Soma had to do its job for them twice, I have my doubts in canon.

For reference, here is a list of secrets and who knows about them. Only characters who have appeared or mentioned will be listed.

Dracula's reincarnation is alive:

People who know it's Soma: Soma, Mina, Yoko, Julius, and Arikado.

People who know he exists: No one.

A Demon Summoner lives in Haruhata:

People who know it's Kazuya: Kazuya and his demons.

People who know he exists: members of the Agency, Yoko, Arikado.

Yoko is on a mission:

People who knows what she's after: Yoko, Arikado

People who know it exists: Soma, Mina

OMAKE: Disgusting

"Look at this!" said a filler character, pointing to something that he or she does not like. "That's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen! Don't you agree?"

"Um," said Soma.

FLASHBACK

Soma wanted to throw up, but he was too afraid that it might come after him the second he looked away. Those featureless, white bodies were creepy enough. They were like springy fungi in the shape of humans. Even after slaying so many zombies, demons, and beasts, Soma had the feeling that it wasn't safe to attack those things.

Soma didn't think that those faceless…things could get any worse, until he found the room they were gathering in. They… stuck to each other, then fused into the shape of a gigantic, bloodless brain. There was an insistent, low-pitched hum in the room that sounded like a swarm of baritone mosquitoes, but when Soma stopped to listen closely, he could make out individual voices…

"I am Legion, for we are many…"

END FLASHBACK

"Um," said Naoki.

FLASHBACK

Naoki threw up his lunch. Nothing could have prepared him for something like this.

It wasn't because they were dismembered so brutally. Naoki had gouged, ripped, bitten, and impaled his share of demons.

It wasn't because they looked human. Their facial expressions seemed to be baked into their skin, and that twitching drove him mad sometimes. Succubi and Lilim looked more human than they did.

It wasn't because they were nice to him. They treated him with the same general disdain as any other demon, even after he saved their leader.

No, Naoki was horrified because they couldn't fight back.

He wanted to cry, cremate them, give them a proper burial, leave some offerings, say some prayers to gods that he wasn't sure he believed in, anything. But he knew that if he stopped for any reason, he might not reach the survivors in time…

When the first angel turned up, face ungodly serene amongst all the corpses of the Manikins, Naoki couldn't control himself.

END FLASHBACK

"Um," said the character whose real name and very existence is a spoiler, but goes by Doctor Pain to protect his identity.

FLASHBACK

[DOCTOR PAIN] could barely see through the haze of pain and blood loss, but he couldn't help but notice silhouette of his coworker warped and spasmed into an unnatural shape. He—no, it—lunged at the nearest nurse, slicing off her arm with a…where did it get that sword from?

It's eating her, thought [DOCTOR PAIN] dully, looking for anything to take his mind off of the bullet embedded in his side that was currently cracking open his spine. And then it's going to eat me.

[DOCTOR PAIN] sputtered blood and acid out of his mouth, straight from his stomach. Oh my God.

END FLASHBACK

"Um," said Flynn and Isabeau.

FLASHBACK

Walter almost dropped the bottle in disgust. "B-brains?" he said.

Suddenly, the room felt a lot colder. Brains? Harvested? From… children?

For their own safety… they sacrificed their own children… It took every ounce of Isabeau's willpower to not draw her sword right then and there.

This is what would sicken someone vile enough to transform people into demons… Flynn gritted his teeth and reminded himself of his fellow samurai, who would surely be executed if he made any trouble…

END FLASHBACK

"Um," said Kazuya.

FLASHBACK

Kazuya couldn't decide if he should cheer, cry, or vomit. He settled on all three.

Aoi was near to comfort him, but he barely noticed her presence.

For now, the only thing in the world was the head of his best friend, the one that he decapitated himself just moments before…

END FLASHBACK

"Um," said Mina.

FLASHBACK

For the first time in her life, Mina cursed her curiosity.

The zombies were disgusting, and she wanted to leave it at that. But she couldn't help but notice the way they limped because of the exposed bone on their legs, the way their flesh seemed to melt around the chest level, the blend of blood and stomach acid leaking on the ground and leaving grooves on the dirt floor…

Mouth filling with bile, she took aim at the head, trying not to look too hard at the brain leaking out of the cracked eye socket, and fired.

END FLASHBACK

"Um," said Aoi.

FLASHBACK

The sea glistened in the fading sunlight. It should have been beautiful; it was clearer than the purest glass, and it reflected the vast sky above. There was almost nothing to mar the view, just a few buildings in a perfect ocean.

But Aoi knew better. Not thirty minutes ago, the ocean was merely empty air. Before, below the Basilica, there was a city. Now, below the Basilica, there was a city.

Kazuya found them a demon to ride on, and they headed for Tokyo Tower. Aoi wanted to look away from the bottom, away from all the destruction, but someone had to witness this. Someone had to see what was left of all the lives that had been swept away by the waves.

The water was deep, but unnaturally clear. There should have been debris murking the bottom, but it was as clear as the reservoir in Shibuya. The evening light was enough to see the shapes of men, women, and children drifting lifelessly beneath the waves.

Kazuya grabbed Aoi's hand. Aoi squeezed back. They had no words.

END FLASHBACK

"Um," said Roland.

FLASHBACK

Roland knew it existed. That wasn't enough to prepare him for the reality.

He had expected meat hooks hanging from the walls, ribcages suspended from the ceilings, tables full of bloody entrails. But the facility was clean and modern. The machines were shiny and new. He could have eaten his lunch off of the conveyor belts, which was probably the point. They were probably cleaner than the plates back at the base. If he hadn't known what it was they were packaging, he could have mistaken it for a cake or chocolate factory. Somehow, that made it worse.

It was almost a relief to find himself locked in the cells, dozens of inmates clamoring and despairing for their freedom. Almost.

When Roland saw the cans, he had to stop himself from throwing up in front of the Embryon. Canning a rotten Blob, even one that was once human, was bad enough. But nothing was worse than pure, clean, 100% natural, canned human meat…

There was no way he was ever going to eat spam again.

END FLASHBACK

"Um," said Hammer.

FLASHBACK

You didn't live through a war without seeing things you rather not see.

END FLASHBACK

"Um," said Nanashi.

FLASHBACK

Nanashi had died before. He had been stabbed, shot, strangled, drowned, burned alive, buried alive, electrocuted, impaled, gouged, and eviscerated. He thought he had gotten used to death. Neither death no pain held any horror for him.

But only his own deaths.

There was his sister, moments before a whole, healthy girl, now a… a… a pile of warm flesh, lumps of meat, bits of brain and intestine flecked on the walls…

When her killer left, he couldn't bring himself to lift himself up from the ground.

END FLASHBACK

"Um," said Julius.

FLASHBACK

"J-Ju—Julius?"

Julius stifled a whining noise from his throat. "You're… not Johnny…" he said to himself, raising the Vampire Killer.

"It… it is…mm…urrryy…" said the zombie with the features of his friend, Private Johnny Josephson.

"God…" said Julius. Normally, zombies were just zombies, a bunch of lumps of flesh fused together. Alucard had captured and set loose plenty for training exercises. But something recently raised wasn't… they weren't rotten. The thing in front of him looked completely human, just like an injured human…

"Help… Ju…Juli…"

It shouldn't have felt effortless. Julius sliced the zombie's head off with one flick the Vampire Killer, and fell to his knees when he saw Johnny's completely human-looking body dissolve into red slime.

"W—why?"

END FLASHBACK

"Um," said Hijiri.

From many unraised voices came a resounding, echoing "NO."