Natasha didn't know how she had come to be in this situation.

Not the 'being tied up with a gun pointed straight at her head' part, that she was fully capable of understanding. She was a superspy after all, and she was used to situations where she was captured with the very real threat of torture and death looming above her. She was also used to being betrayed, once again, it was par for the course. No, that wasn't what had her confused.

What had her confused was that she hadn't expected this betrayal.

When (former) Agent Lisa Vertandez had contacted her, asking for her help with an unofficial mission Hill had assigned her, Natasha had come. Like a spider walking into a web she wasn't expecting to have been spun.

Natasha would laugh if she wasn't so annoyed at herself. Hadn't DC taught her anything? Hadn't those three months of looking through the data she had released on the agents shown her that even people she trusted could betray her? Hadn't the number of her former comrades who turned out to be HYDRA been high enough?

Shouldn't she, the Black Widow, star of the Red Room, Avenger, be better than that?

Apparently not, because she had been taken completely off guard when, while Vertandez kept her distracted, another former agent – whose name she didn't know – snuck up behind her and pricked her neck with a paralytic that was too much for even the bastardized super serum she had running through her veins to combat.

But why? Why had Vertandez betrayed her? Natasha knew the other agent wasn't a member of HYDRA (she had double checked the data on her before coming to meet her because despite the current evidence to the contrary, Natasha was careful), so why had she been caught so off guard?

Natasha knew she should have asked Tony to go through everything in that data dump. She hadn't seen the genius for just over three months, only a week before DC had happened. She had gone to apologise for not being able to help with the Mandarin incident (where she had thought he was dead) and check up on him for her own piece of mind, not that she would ever admit that last part (though she was sure that Clint – at least – knew).

Some would think that she had grown to care about the genius after he had shown his true metal and grown up, by sacrificing himself to get rid of that nuke, but they would be wrong. No, her fondness for Tony Stark hadn't come about through any change on his part, but rather from hers. It had come from her gaining some perspective and then being able to recognise what, exactly, Tony was.

The Battle of New York had changed a lot of things, but it hadn't changed Tony Stark. He hadn't had to grow out of his pride and learn to follow orders, he hadn't had to get over his ego and stop fighting solo, and he hadn't had to learn that he wasn't invaluable and be convinced to sacrifice himself. Natasha knew that many people thought that was what had happened, but she - who had been there on the ground and in the air, who had fought with him, who had seen everything and felt the way the six of them had just… clicked – knew now that that was already who Tony Stark was.

The incident on the hellicarrier and the Battle of New York hadn't changed anything about who Tony was, but it had stripped away his mask for those few hours, long enough for Natasha to realise it. And if it hadn't been for the crisis with the Hulk, Natasha knew that she might not have recognised it. She had realised it, of course, as she froze up after barely surviving the attack of Bruce's big, green alter ego, and she knew something within her had changed, but she had never expected it to be for the better.

She had stopped looking at everything and everyone as a mark, just then, and had seen everything everyone else did as a fellow human. She recognised the kindred spirit she shared with the other Avengers, for just sharing a common will to fight, to live, to protect, and, if all else failed, to avenge. That was when she had really started to believe in the dream. That was when Coulson's words finally became more than words to her. It was when, for a few hours at least, she dedicated the entirety of herself to a cause greater than her, and more important than surviving.

And after the battle, when she turned back into Agent Romanov, a part of that stayed in her. She knew she was changed, even as the world became a game once more.

She was both thankful and scared of that, because while now she had five – six, Hulk and Bruce were two different people - people who watched her back and fought with her and who she trusted, they were also – each and every one of them – weaknesses that could be exploited. She was vulnerable as long as she trusted and cared for them, and Natasha would have done her best to prevent it, but she knew – she knew – from experience, with Clint, that that would be impossible to fight.

She thought back to a conversation she'd had with Tony once.

"I know what you're thinking." Natasha looked up from where she was sitting on the sofa in Star- Avengers Tower to where Ton- Stark was nursing a cup of coffee at the table. Thor had just left the room, stating that he wanted Clint to take him to the movie theatre, as the Asgardian had just learned of its existence and wanted to watch The Hunger Games now that he knew what the archer had been talking about all week. There had been silence between the remaining humans for about fifteen seconds, each lost in their own thoughts, before To- Stark decided to break it.

Natasha raised a brow, curious and not mocking like that gesture once would have been. "Do you really?"

Tony just gazed at her, his hair frazzled from too much time spent in his workshop without sleep. "It's different from what you're used to. Finding a team… it's not quite like finding a partner is it?"

Natasha paused for a moment, thinking about Clint and – as she guessed that was who Tony was referring to – James Rhodes, "No. It's not."

They sat in companionable silence for a moment, their thoughts running parallel, then…

"You know," Tony began thoughtfully, "the darkness isn't gonna scare them off, or taint them."

Had he said that a month ago, before the Avengers had been called in and formed a team, Natasha's head would have whipped up to stare at him. She would have been worried, vulnerable, angry and sad. Maybe even scared. But since she had begun to recognise herself in every individual that resided at the tower, well, she could say she wasn't entirely surprised. A little bit, perhaps, but not entirely.

"I don't want to show it to them, though," Natasha eventually replied softly, but not scared of how this would affect Tony's opinion of her. She knew he'd understand.

"None of us do," he gazed at the contents of the mug, "but if and when they do see… they'll still be there after. The worst that'll happen is they gain some perspective. Isn't that what happened with Clint?"

Natasha didn't answer. She didn't need to. Tony continued after a moment.

"His shadows aren't as dark, but they're still there, so I expect that made it easier for him to understand. But we all have them too, Natasha. We can all recognise it, and we'll understand even if we don't understand."

Natasha had never thanked him for that. She wasn't supposed to. But she still thought back to what he'd said sometimes, when she felt she needed to hear it. That acceptance had meant more to her than anything anyone else except Clint and Fury had ever given her.

Natasha snapped back into the present when Vertandez, realising that her prisoner was awake, spoke to alert her companion of this fact, the handgun not wavering from her face.

"She's awake," her voice was detached, as though they hadn't once been something near friends. The other one paused whatever he was doing and slowly walked over to them, as Natasha glanced around her surroundings more thoroughly. She didn't bother being discreet, as she knew that Vertandez would already be expecting her to do something similar.

Natasha was in what she supposed to be a teachers' lounge in the college she had broken into to meet with Vertandez. Her back was to a support beam, which she was tied to with a strong, silvery SHIELD-issued cord, that was flexible like rope, but stronger than chains and very difficult to cut without the proper equipment. She could see two doors leading out of the room, but they were both too far away to be of any use. Her hands had been bound to the pole above her head, her ankles below her, and her midriff behind her. It wasn't the worst position she had ever been put in, but she knew that she would have a lot of trouble getting out with the two ex-SHIELD agents watching her. She had worked with Vertandez before, and while she was no match for the Black Widow in a fight, she was sharp enough that she should not be underestimated. And the male had already proven capable of sneaking up behind her, so the same went for him.

Deciding she had enough data about the room to go with for now, Natasha began working on taking control of the situation in the way she did best: fact finding and manipulation.

"I have to say, I'm a little hurt, Vertandez. I thought we were friends." Natasha began, her tone revealing a little bit of her confusion and hoping that she could goad one of the agents into speaking. She was not disappointed, but she was still surprised by what was said next.

"You know, Romanov, so did I. But I guess now we've both learned our lesson." Vertandez's voice was cold and… enraged, despite the overlying professionalism. That was something Natasha didn't expect.

She was further surprised when the male agent placed a steadying hand on Vertandez's shoulder and spoke in a deep voice that was raspy in a way that Natasha recognised all too well from both herself and others who had been through hell and back. It was particularly common in agents who had been captured for a long period of time. It was a voice that was suffering from strained vocal chords that had been abused by an excess of screaming. People who had been tortured often found themselves with the affliction, though Natasha hadn't screamed in years – she hadn't yet encountered anything that could live up to the pain she had undergone in the Red Room.

"Vertandez, don't let her manipulate you. She has no power right now, so don't give her any."

Vertandez looked at the other ex-agent for a moment before nodding in acceptance and stepping back. The male watched her for a moment before returning his attention to Natasha.

"I was planning on drawing this out. Making you feel the pain you caused us, but I think it would be better if we just killed you," he rasped, in a calm, serious voice, causing Natasha to worry, because right now she was vulnerable, and he was completely serious, and she still didn't know why they wanted her dead. From their exchange… she knew that this wasn't about HYDRA. This was personal. But what…?

All thoughts cut off as Vertandez walked back and releveled the gun, so it was pointing right between Natasha's eyes.

Bang!

The three agents, captive and captors alike, started at the sound of a gun going off outside the room.

Bang bang bang!

CRASH

"Rex?" Natasha heard the male agent call into a com at the sound of glass breaking. He moved over to the door on the left side of the room as he spoke, Vertandez watching cautiously.

The com crackled before a tense male voice spoke.

"I need backup out here, I- SHIT! I repeat, I need backup here, now!"

The male agent immediately ran out the door, only pausing once to look back at Vertandez, "You OK for this, or do you wanna deal with Romanov first?"

Vertandez didn't look at her as she answered, "I- I need to do this, but it can wait until after. Let's go," she grew more determined towards the end, and soon both strode out of the room, prepared for battle, and not sparing a single glance for Natasha.

As soon as the agents had left the room, Natasha began working on freeing herself. It was difficult, as she couldn't cut the rope with anything less than a professional knife, and she couldn't reach the one hidden in her shoe because of the rope tied around her waist which prevented her from bending. That meant she had to resort to wriggling her way out, which was manageable but time consuming and she had no idea how long she had before her captors returned. Less than two minutes later and she had almost freed her hands, when the door on the right opened and none other than Tony Stark – sans suit - stepped in. He beelined to where she was tied up and pulled out some sort of laser, but before he could use it to free her, the three ex-SHIELD agents burst in through the door, guns trained on Natasha and Tony.

Before they could take the opportunity to shoot, Tony immediately placed himself between Natasha and the agents, in a reckless, stupid move that Natasha vowed to chew him out for later if they survived this.

"Stark," she growled, angry and worried, "Move."

He replied without looking at her, his concentration entirely on the three guns trained on him. "Sorry Tasha. No can do."

Before she could say anything else, the agent she had heard over the com spoke up.

"That was pretty clever, sending the suit off as a distraction while you snuck around to free her," he sounded appreciative of the trick in a way that almost reminded Natasha of Clint, but also steely and dangerous, leaving no doubt that he was planning on killing someone today. Natasha just hoped that that someone didn't end up being Tony.

"I'm known for being pretty clever," Tony responded amiably, "but I had hoped it would take you longer to realise that I wasn't still in it."

"I'm trained in combat analysis," the agent said in explanation, "but it was a pretty convincing ruse. How come you didn't just shoot us?"

Tony shrugged, "That one's a prototype, so it has repulsors but no other ammunition. Not particularly effective against agents. Unfortunately, that was what I was testing when I found out Natasha had been nabbed. I didn't have to time to change."

"How did you find out?" The male agent with the raspy voice asked, curious but still wary.

"I got a tipoff from Hill, while I was testing the armour over the water, that someone was gunning for the Black Widow, and when I couldn't find her, and she didn't answer her phone or her com, I had her traced to here. I called for backup though."

"If you had backup, they'd be here right now," the agent replied immediately, "that means they're too far out to be of any help to you now."

Natasha watched Tony tilt his head, neither confirming nor denying. "Thor won't be long."

"Maybe," Vertandez said, "but that's still too long for you. Step aside, Stark. We have no quarrel with you."

Tony didn't move, "I can't."

The agent from the com spoke again, "Stalling for the armour to return won't do you any good. Of the three of us, at least one will make shot even if it comes blasting in."

"I know," Tony said calmly and determinedly, "but I still can't."

"She's not your friend," the rasping voice spoke, "She's not loyal to you. I doubt she's even capable of loyalty."

"Stark, move," Natasha hissed again, but Tony ignored her and looked back at the male agent.

"So that's why you didn't shoot her when you had the chance," he said softly. "This isn't a professional hit, this is personal. Revenge."

None of the agents reacted outwardly to this, but Natasha could see that Tony was right. This was personal, this was revenge. But for what? Tony asked the question aloud.

"It's revenge for something recent too. Something raw. Am I right?"

There was a long pause before Vertandez spoke, "I had a fiancé. David. And a sister, who had a husband. Rachel and Elliot. They were on my file, as my immediate family. That information was released into the internet, by Romanov. They're dead because of that."

Oh.

No.

No, no, no, no, no, no no no no nonononononono.

No, because that- that means-

No.

NO!

But Natasha realised what that meant.

She hadn't given it a second thought at the time. Releasing that information Sinking both SHIELD and HYDRA together. Doing whatever it took to save those millions of people from Project Insight.

Three months later and she hadn't realised until that moment that, through her actions, she had killed perhaps thousands of innocents. She had their blood on her hands. She had many, many red names in her ledger, but she didn't know how many. How many she had condemned.

And it wouldn't just be assassination either. No, she knew the sort of people that would be hunting for SHIELD agents and their families. No, for some, there would be torture involved. Maybe even on children.

What had she done? What hadn't she done? Why hadn't she-?

"I'm sorry," Natasha focused on Tony's voice, more solemn than she had ever heard it. She was aware that she deserved it, that Tony definitely shouldn't die for her (not now- Not when- Not after-) but she couldn't help but hope that he would just stand aside and let them kill her. Selfishly, Natasha didn't want to have to hear Tony's words condemn her. She didn't want to have to look into his face before she died.

Tony's promise to her – all those months ago – had been about the darkness that had created her, that she had seen and that she had been. It hadn't been about her committing another act, not like this, not when it killed innocents. He wouldn't accept this darkness, not when it was so fresh, and he shouldn't have to.

"My name is… was Agent Lu," male agent with the rasping voice spoke, following Vertandez's example, "I have no family, but I had my team. We were compromised in the middle of a mission, due to that data dump. They were lucky enough to be shot outright… I wasn't."

Tony didn't say anything this time. Then the last agent finished.

"Lillian, my wife… she was pregnant. She survived the shot, but the baby didn't." He swallowed before continuing stoically, "Neither did my partner, de Lares. I couldn't even recognise him after what… what…" he took a deep breath, "It wasn't quick. De Lares' wife's dead now, too. So's Evie – that's one of his daughters."

"I'm so sorry," Tony said. Natasha was too but wouldn't say it. The agents did not want to hear it from her, not right now.

"That's why she needs to die," Natasha heard Vertandez say, her voice no longer angry, just… devastated. "That's why you need to move, right now."

Natasha silently begged for Tony to do as they asked without saying anything. She had the strange feeling that he had heard her.

"I still can't do that," Tony said, his voice still solemn, "I'm not doing this for a greater good thing, or a forgiveness spiel. I know revenge. I've know the need for revenge. I don't blame you for wanting it. But I can't stand aside and let Tasha die. She's my friend, and a part of my family. I hope you understand that."

Before any of the agents could reply, Tony cocked his head, as though listening to something. "JARVIS wants to say something."

Natasha, saw the shock in the agents' faces as a nearby speaker crackled and the familiar British voice spoke.

"What Mr Stark is trying to say, is that in order to kill Miss Romanov, it's more than likely you will have to kill him. I do understand the desire for revenge, as I have seen it and felt it myself, but I beg you, Mr Lu, Miss Vertandez, Mr Addams, please do not do this."

Natasha saw that everyone – even Tony – was surprised by JARVIS' input, although for different reasons.

"JARVIS," Lu said, obviously not sure how to proceed, "I remember you. You were… you were the one who got me out…"

"I was alerted within minutes of the data dump during the events of DC," JARVIS explained. "I alerted Mr Stark, who took control of the situation as best he could. While he sealed as much information as he could from other, dangerous parties, I was coordinating as many teams of Stark Industry Security, the police, Homeland Security, the FBI, the military, and various other government bodies as well as all Stark Industries technology that was available in order to recue as many compromised agents and their families as possible. I regret to say that I was not quick enough in many cases, but I did manage to save some lives, along with Mr Stark, who ensured that as many people as possible were not left vulnerable."

"You were the one who sent the CIA to my house? You saved de Lares' son and his other daughter?" Addams asked.

"And you saved my nephew," Vertandez added, and Natasha couldn't read her at all at that moment.

"That is correct," JARVIS said, "And now I am begging you to let Mr Stark and Miss Romanov live. Mr Stark is my family."

No one moved and no one spoke after that. Natasha had no idea what was going on in the others' heads. She had no idea what was going on in her head.

There was just silence as three agents who had lost so much thought about what JARVIS had said. Natasha knew that she would accept whatever verdict the others came to after their deliberation, so in the silence she saw the people who meant so much to her and mentally said her goodbyes to them in case she didn't live to see them again.

Thor. Hulk. Fury and Hill. Steve. Bruce. Tony.

Clint.

"Don't seek us out."

Natasha watched, her mind quiet, as Vertandez, Lu and Addams walked out of the room, to disappear without taking their vengeance. She knew that she would more than likely never see them again, and that if she did, it was likely that they would try to kill her again, but for now she had been saved by Tony and JARVIS. Natasha knew she didn't deserve it.

Five minutes later, Tony turned around, and Natasha had to keep herself from flinching and closing her eyes at what she was sure she'd see.

She didn't though.

That meant she didn't miss the raw, unmasked Tony that gazed at her, his face a tangled web of emotions and thoughts, but none of it was directed at her. He was showing her what he was feeling, not making a statement without words. As it was, Natasha recognised the pain, the sorrow, the guilt, the affection, the terror, the confusion, the longing, the horror and the acceptance. She let go of her own mask at the sight, felt the thousands of complicated emotions as they showed themselves on her face. She had no idea what he saw, but eventually he nodded and cut her free with the laser.

They stood there for a moment, before…

"Tony." I'm sorry. Thank you. Why did you do that? I can never fix this. I can never stop trying.

"I know, Tasha." I told you, I'd still be here.

And he was.