AN: Thanks for your reviews to the first one-shot. Since Anniversary is my main fic, updates for this will be less frequent. Still, I hope you enjoy them when they come.

Thus, the Service Club Continues to Deny

Love and Pokemon Moves:

They say that time flies when you have fun. For once, Hachiman, the monster of logic himself, cannot see a fault or a loophole in this creaking old figure of speech. Apart from the obvious, that being the absurdity in claiming that time could move faster or slower, it did at least ring true. It certainly seems that the happiest moments in life are the shortest.

However, he can suggest an amendment to it. A change in wording.

Namely, this: time flies when you're content.

The reason for such a change can be seen in his own life. During the hour he spends in the Service Club every school afternoon, he would not describe his mood at happy. On occasion, it can be- when he manages to better Yukino in their verbal spars, for example, or when Yui mispronounces a word to both his and club president's collective amusement. But, for the most part, it is more a feeling of relaxed satisfaction than outright ecstasy.

For example, right now. Currently, he is sitting in his usual chair, with his usual perfectly prepared cup of tea at hand, with a light novel in his lap, as usual. Yui is playing on her phone. Yukino is also reading.

There is a lull in the conversation. A silence. As a loner, Hachiman finds it inconceivable that riajuu would find silence to be as insufferable as they do. He finds it ironic that often, the people with the least to say are the ones that talk the most.

He turns the page of his light novel. Half way down the page, there is a joke which he laughs it. The condescending glance he receives from Yukino makes him regret doing so.

"Something tickle your humour gene, Hiki-germa?"

"I'll have you know the joke in question deserved my laughter."

"Nothing deserves that disgusting abomination you claim to be a laugh. It's the auditory embodiment of lewdness."

"But if your first instinct is to assume lewdness, wouldn't that mean your mind is itself lewd?"

She snorts. "Amazing. Not only did that statement make absolutely zero sense, but it was also painfully unfunny."

"It wasn't supposed to be funny. It was supposed to be logical."

"You clearly have a different definition of logic to me."

"Thank you! I'd prefer not to have anything in common with you."

"My pleasure."

The silence returns after their latest bout of insults. There wasn't a clear victor in that one, both Hachiman and Yukino think to themselves. I must strive to improve my performance.

Yui is so acclimatised to their squabbles that she barely pays attention to them anymore. Only if they reach a level of excessive tension will she intervene. Instead, she has something else on her mind.

"Hikki, Yukinon..."

Neither look up, but are both paying attention.

"Yes, Yuigahama-san?" Yukino replies, at last.

"What do you guys think about love?"

It's an unusual question that takes them both by surprise. They glance up from their books.

"... I'm afraid you'll have to be more specific."

"Oh, you totally know what I mean," Yui says dismissively, only to be met by a blank stare. "Come on! Like, romance and relationships and stuff."

Hachiman rolls his eyes and returns to his book. "Is this by any means related to the yearly Day of Torture?"

Yui frowns in puzzlement. "Day of Torture? Is that, like, a boy thing?"

"I believe he is referring to the upcoming Valentines Day next week, Yuigahama-san."

She gasps, aghast. "Day of Torture?! How can you call it that, Hikki?"

"Don't ask such questions. You'll trigger another monolog-"

"With great ease and certainty, as a matter of fact."

Yukinon groans, and fixes Yui with a 'we-talked-about-this' kind of stare. She returns it sheepishly.

"You see, a friend of a friend once recounted to me-"

"In other words, yourself-"

"A friend of a friend once recounted to me a Valentine's Day of old. It transpired in middle school. In the week building up to it, all of their classmates spoke of the event with such profound excitement that they could not help but be caught up in the frivolous atmosphere. But hope is the root of all disappointment. And, of course, when the day arrived, they were the only person in what felt like the entire school who didn't receive any chocolates whatsoever. Not even pity chocolates."

He closes his eyes, with great anguish.

"It was, without a doubt, one of the most torturous days of my- sorry, their, life. Hence, the more appropriate name I have labelled it with: The Day of Torture."

Both Yukino and Yui's features are scrunched with distaste at his monologue.

"The extent of your wretchedness is truly astonishing, Hikigaya-kun."

"Silence, woman. I don't require your pity."

"That's fine- I had no intention of giving it-"

"So, Yukinon, what do you think of love?" Yui interrupted, trying to steer the conversation back in the right direction.

"How would she know? The only things she has any emotional capacity for at all are felines. And herself, of course."

She scoffs, but Hachiman does not fail to notice the slight tinge of red on her cheeks. "T- that's most certainly not true."

"Yeah," Yui adds, nodding fervently. "Yukinon also loves Pan-san!"

He smirks a little as the red tinge becomes a fully fledged blush.

"Yuigahama-san. Would you please refrain from embarrassing me in front of others? Even if the individual in question can barely be considered a person, it-"

"I think that it's adorable."

Hachiman looks up from the light novel, attention well and truly captured. "Wait. Yukinoshita or love?"

Could this be the day that Yurigahama and Yurinoshita's relationship was finally confirmed?

"Well... both! But mostly love."

Hachiman's disappointment is almost palpable, much to Yukino's dislike. However, she decides to let this go in favour of listening to her friend.

"Awww. Just the idea of finding your soul-mate and, like, totally connecting with each other..." Yui sighs blissfully, a dreamy smile on her face. "It must be amazing."

She reaches over and tugs on Yukino's sleeve. "Yukinon, tell me what your perfect guy would be like!"

"Definitely not."

"But I told you mine ages ago! It was like, our first sleepover!"

"That was entirely your own choice. I, on the other hand, am more cautious when giving out such details."

"Oh come on!" She pulls out her secret weapons: the pout and the puppy dog eyes. "Pretty please."

"W- well... perhaps I can indulge yo-"

"Yay!" Yui exclaims happily, moving her chair closer to Yukino's.

A critical hit! Yukino had to pay out secrets to the victor! Yukino blacked out!

Hachiman is too busy smirking at his own internal joke to hear the start of Yukino's explanation. Ever so briefly, she glances in his direction, before looking away again in embarrassment.

She clutches the hem of her skirt.

"Well... I think that an individual who is... reliable, would be agreeable."

She goes silent, much to Yui's dismay. "That's not a type! You need to be more specific, Yukinon!"

"Reliable and considerate, then. A- and generous. Someone who could appreciate the supposedly trivial things in life..."

"Like?"

"... Like cups of tea... and books, and... and silence..."

Her voice trails down to a whisper at the end. Yui's eyes have widened a little. Her smile remains, if a little more awkward than usual.

"Y- yeah... that sounds nice, Yukinon."

Hachiman is beginning to get the sense he's intruding on something. As a result, he forces his eyes to remain fixed on the pages in front of him.

"Um... so what about you, Hikki?"

He makes himself look up to find Yui's lips slightly parted, and Yukinon averting her gaze, cheeks still red.

He coughs.

"Is this really necessary? Opinions on love as an entity itself are hugely subjective-"

"Just answer the question, Hikki."

"..."

He contemplates what to say.

"Are... are you sure you want to know?"

"Y- yes."

"Well, don't say I didn't warn you."

He puts down his light novel, steeling himself.

"First and foremost, a superb grill would be essential, closely followed by, at the very least, a passable face and bac-"

"Ew! Gross! Disgusting! Hachiman!"

Within moments, Yukino's book has been snatched and thrown, planting itself firmly into Hikigaya Hachiman's face.

Yuigahama used Fling!

But, if Hachiman were actually a Pokemon, the move would only have reduced his HP by a half, at the most. It was a small and readily paid compensation for his move in the previous round.

Hachiman used Diversion.

It was super effective.

Then again, it might also have been Self Destruct.