Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin or the characters in any way (because if I did, this show would still be on...!)

Slippery Business

"It's time to tell you the truth", Arthur said one evening while he got undressed. "I really don't like it when you do that."

Merlin blinked and froze, one of the pillows still clutched in his hands as he stooped over Arthur's bed.

"What?", he asked, "why didn't you ever tell me before? I do it all the time!"

"I didn't want to hurt your feelings over it, but you making such a fuss about it is getting on my nerves. I kept hoping you'd figure it out eventually."

"You didn't want to 'hurt my feelings', Arthur? Well, guess what", Merlin narrowed his eyes, "now you definitely hurt my feelings!"

He started to fluff the pillow up with rather more force than strictly necessary.

Arthur was done undressing and set down in his chair again with a sigh."I'm sorry, but I had to say it."

Merlin pulled his hair and snorted: "To think I did this for years! Years, Arthur! Because I thought you liked it. You know how hard it is to get them like this?" He made a vague gesture so wide and angry that it included half of the room. "It took me ages to do the research and a lot of my experiments were failures, but I kept trying and now you...you..."

Lost for words, he hurled the pillow at Arthur and missed him by more than a meter, causing the King to laugh.

"But that's exactly it. I liked them the way they were before you ever attended to them. Now I think that..." He checked himself, but too late.

Merlin stepped back from the bed and glared at Arthur: "Now you think what?"

"I think they're not supposed to be so... so... slippery! They shouldn't move around so much, I mean look at them, they're moving even now!"

"That's just because I'm not finished with them yet!"

Arthur took an angry breath and tried to calm his nerves before hissing through clenched teeth: "I just don't enjoy waking up freezing to death. I don't like to..." Suddenly his voice faltered.

He looked to Guinevere for help. She had just dismissed the maid, who was professional enough to act like she didn't hear what passed between the King and his man-servant (she was probably going to retell every tiny little detail to the other servants in a loud whisper a few minutes later).

The Queen joined her husband at the table and shook her head at them: "Really, Arthur, I don't think Merlin deserves this."

"Thank you", Merlin said. "So you like them to be this soft, don't you?"

Gwen raised an eyebrow: "Well... To be honest, no. No, I don't like the sheets slipping off the bed all the time, or waking up with the pillows on the ground and my neck hurting. But I don't see why Arthur's so harsh about it."

Arthur blurted out: "I really don't want to slip out of bed halfway through... halfway through... I mean..."

Merlin frowned: "I can't imagine what you must be doing to actually slip out of bed, you can't be moving around all that much."

Gwen met Arthur's eyes and felt her cheeks start burning hot.

It took Merlin a second to catch up. When he did, he stepped back from the bed and raised his hands in surrender: "I did not need to know that." Another step backwards toward the door: "And I don't want to hear any more of this. Ever."

Arthur glared at his servant furiously, though Gwen guessed that was mostly because he was really embarrassed now, and growled: "Just stop making the sheets so soft that they slip out of bed every time I turn around!"

Merlin had reached the door and managed to ask in mock seriousness: "Is there anything else you need me for, Sire?"

Then he couldn't hold it in any more and started laughing.

Arthur snatched the pillow up from where it lay on the floor and threw it at Merlin, but the servant was too quick in ducking out of the door.

In the corridor, he stood for a moment, still grinning to himself. He was still a bit mad at Arthur, though... His eyes flashed golden for a moment, then he dashed down the hallway.

Meanwhile Arthur slumped down on his chair again and buried his face in his hands: "Maybe I can get a knight to hit him over the head tomorrow so he forgets all of this..."

Gwen merely chuckled: "But then he'll just continue putting spells on our sheets to be this soft and slippery. I think this was a win, if a slightly embarrassing one."

She got up and offered Arthur her hand with a smile: "And we did manage before, didn't we?"

He let himself be pulled up and before Gwen had a chance to react, he had snatched her off of her feet and carried her towards the bed: "You're right, Guinevere. And since these sheets can't have gotten any more slippery in the last few minutes..."

Merlin was halfway down the corridor when there was a crashing sound from Arthur's room, followed by an infuriated, familiar yell: "Merlin!"

The End.