I'm currently drowning in painkillers and medicine for the past week. I'm not really in the right state of mind but this chappie needs to get out. It's been held for so long. Sorry in advance.
[Bleeding Red: I am Human - Chapter 5: Stupor AKA How to Break A Gavin AKA Llama Gavin AKA No One Gets Enough Sleep]
"Hank... I think you're the one that broke him."
"Does that mean I don't get to see his ugly face every morning? Sweet."
Hank Anderson. A great lieutenant and investigative partner (and father--*cough*) to an RK800. He is known for many things, like having a triple 360 180 degree flip turn from being an anti-android into an extreme android rights supporter (He has not disclosed the reason, but everyone knows it is the work of a certain RK800.) He is also known for something else: alcoholism. Yes, alcoholism.
Was this a problem? No. Eh... Sometimes. Almost never to the DPD ever since the poor Connor arrived. Well... it's probably because:
1) Connor's now the one who deals with Hank's extreme hangovers.
2) Connor has gone great lengths to cure Hank of his crippling depression and alcoholism.
3) Hank has found a new fear.
Hank has found a new fear. Yes. A new fear. Do you wanna know how? With a headache coming like a plague threatening to strike, Hank chugged down the whole coffee cup empty. Story time.
DATE
JUNE 26, 2039
TIME
PM 10:42:34
Connor is technically a toddler. He is innocent, likes to put stuff in his mouth, very curious, and incredibly oblivious to many things. That being said, Hank wasn't surprised Connor dropped like a log when he accidentally chugged down a 'swig' of alcohol.
(Actually he was surprised, but it was at the fact that Connor mistook Hank's secret thermos stash for water. It was an honest mistake, really.)
But now Hank had go deal with a drunk toddler. Figuratively. To Hank's luck, Connor was being very still - he didn't put any fuss as Hank carried him off to Cole's bedroom. (He passed out cold right then and there on the kitchen counter. It almost gave Hank a heart attack when he found him.)
Hank should've guessed the peace wouldn't last long.
"Haaaaaaaa*hic*aaannnnnnkkkkkkk~~~?"
Connor peeked through his covers and grabbed Hank's arm. His face was pure red and his eyes were moody. Oh no. Oh no. NO.
"Kid, why'd you drink a whole bottle?"
"I *hic* di'n't know it was your stashhhh~" Connor sleepily sat up from the bed and pouted at Hank. He looked at him for a second as if he was analysing him.
SLAP!
"Bad Lieutenant!"
Hank stood there scandalized. Did he just--
"Bad, bad, bad Hank!" Connor shouted as he wriggled under the covers. Hank struggled as he wrapped him tight in a blanket to limit his movement. Dammit, the kid was too active. Connor had the guts to looked so fu-freakin' pissed. He pointed a finger at Hank. "You shouldn't *hic* keep *hic* stashes Ha-*hic*-nk!" He frowned. "You're on revision!"
"You mean 'restriction'?" Hank deadpanned. He did not want to deal with any of this. He didn't have to deal with this. He shouldn't.
"Nooo, you're on a ban!" Connor pouted.
"That's the same thing, Connor." Hank groaned. "That's the same thing..."
Connor frowned as he tried to get out of his restricting covers, only to find that he couldn't. He kicked off the blanket, also kicking off some pillows in the process. He flung the covers and pillows all over the room. "Hey hey hey Connor!"
"Whaaaat?" Are you serious right now? Hank has to deal with all this? Are you for real?!? He doesn't have time for drunk 'androids' and their silly tantrums!
"What?! It's tooooo hot in'ereee~~~" Hank threw a pillow to his face. Hard. Maybe smothered him with more blankets and pillows too. It was suffocating. He had no choice. Connor was being incredibly active.
"What the fu--"
"Hey hey hey! No cursing."
"-ck." Connor was being incredibly defiant. Hank was halfway between proud and horrified. Connor just learned how to curse. He decided cursing didn't suit Connor that much. It wasn't that adorable. Maybe he really should stop cursing. He was setting a bad example to a one year-old man-android-whatever-child. What would Gavin think of this? Then it hit him. Literally. A heavy pillow to the face.
"Fi*hic*ck, you should've seen your face Hank!" Connor tumbled and fell off the bed in laughter. Hank winced at the impact. Connor cursed again.
"Connor!"
"M'fine, 'm fine 'm'fiiiiiinnnneeeee..."
"I swear Connor... you're gonna be the death of me."
Connor froze.
"Connor...?" Tears started to well in his eyes. He realized his mistake too late. Hank braced himself in front of the waterworks.
"Oh sh- Connor--" Connor threw himself into Hank's arms. They almost crashed into the floor. Wait, actually, they did.
"Waaaaaaaaaaaaah! Don't leave me Hank! Haaaankkkkk!" He sobbed into his shirt. Hank's shirt looked like he just horribly lost a water balloon fight. He didn't want to know what that warm wetness on his chest was. (Please don't let it be snot. Please don't be snot.) He groaned as he felt the crash's impact on his arm. This kid is a nightmare! This whole thing is a nightmare!
"I... it was a joke Connor! It's just a joke!" His statement only made Connor's crying worse. Hank prayed for his sanity. How does he calm down a drunk 'android'? How long does this even last?!? What was even in there?!?
"Shush, it's okay, it's okay, Connor, I'm not going to leave you. I'm not gonna leave. Calm down son, calm down." There it goes again. The word slipped easily from his mouth. So easily. So... normal. Connor's sobs gradually resided. "You're not? Hannnkkk?" Sniffles.
Hank gingerly stroked his hair. "I'm not. I was just kidding kid, you took it too seriously." He chuckled. Connor sniffed and hiccupped at the same time. He slapped Hank again.
"What was that for?!"
"You smmeeellll llikke allcohhhollll!"
"That was you! You're the one that drank the whole bottle!"
"Nu-uhhh!"
...Hmph.
"Ehehehehe~~~"
"You shhhhouldddn't keeeppp secretssss Haaannnkkkk!"
He was so done with this.
...The bathroom. The shower.
Nah, he wouldn't do that. No one needs to be subjected to such horrible torture no matter what time of day. Hank unfortunately learned that firsthand.
Eh... well, maybe a little splash wouldn't hurt.
Hank grabbed the nearest water spray (it was for Connor's pet cactus.)
HiiIiiiIiiSsSSsSsSS!!!
Hank realized that Connor could be both a puppy and a kitten.
DATE
JUNE 27, 2039
TIME
AM 10:43:54
The next morning wasn't pleasant one for Hank Anderson. He felt worse than he has ever been - it almost felt like he was the one that had a hangover, despite not having a drop of alcohol in his system. He sighed. He didn't have that much sleep last night - no one could ever have that when a drunk android is around. Connor's antics kept him wide awake, he only got some peaceful sleep after making sure Connor was alright when he managed to knock himself out cold.
(He rammed face first into the doorway while he was escaping Hank.)
Hank groaned. Taking care of Connor was just like taking care of a toddler all over again. Hank was already bracing himself for the 'troublesome two's'. He made a mental note to never, ever, EVER let Connor be near alcohol. He never did want Connor to learn and depend on drinking, but this... experience only gave him more reason to do so. Connor apparently regresses into an actual toddler when he's drunk.
"Oh Hank looook! It's a crabbb!"
"Connor put that down right now! What-- what are you doing with those scissors?!?"
"Hannnnnnkk, I'm a crabbb nowwww! Hi Hankkkk I'm Crabby!"
Hank groaned from his seat. Yep, he needed a drink. No alcohol. No alcohol.
Thank goodness Gavin wasn't bothering him anymore. Wait, that prick's been out of his hair since yesterday. He isn't sick, is he? Where is he?
(Pure thoughts. Pure thoughts.)
Gavin Reed had once again gulped own a large gulp of coffee. He couldn't drink at work, but he badly needed to. You see, there was something at the back of his mind that absolutely plagued him and kept him awake at night. That something... was a Hank Anderson making out with an android. He wouldn't admit being traumatized by the... incident.
(He gulped again.)
He must've imagined that whole thing right? Hank hated androids! Why would he date one? 'Close proximity'? They couldn't be that close, could they? He cast a quick glance to their desks. Gavin gave a confused frown. The prick was nowhere to be seen. But that was impossible, androids don't get tired, they don't get sick. Argh, he was looking too much into this. He reached for his coffee, only to find it empty. Dammit.
He scowled as he made his way to the break room. Don't think about it. Don't think about it. A guy has a kink, so what? So what? He repeated it over and over on his way back. He almost convinced himself when he heard something.
"Where's Connor?"
"Argh... he's at home." At home? At home? They 'live' together?
"He's not out for repairs?"
Hank rushed for an explanation. "He uh... 'overheated' last night." He wasn't lying. Connor did in fact submerge himself into cold water for some unexplainable reason. (Hank had no part in this. It was all Connor's idea. It gave Hank a heart attack when he didn't come up.)
Chris had a different idea. Gavin had something worse. Last night?!? Overheated?!? You mean--
"What happened?"
"He rammed--" Gavin spit his coffee, spraying it all in front of him. Unfortunately, he was in front of the one and only Hank Anderson. (And the now forgotten Chris but who cares about him?)
"What the-- Gavin, that is disgusting!" Hank stood up and tried to dry off the offending liquid. The offender looked absolutely horrified. "Geez, Gavin, I knew you were a jerk but I didn't know you didn't have some dignity." Gavin stopped gaping like a fish. (How bold of you to assume I have dignity)
"Fuck off, Anderson." He sharply turned and brisk-walked away.
"'Fu- Hey! You're the one who spit at me!"
Gavin arrived at his desk with no further problems (He didn't hear Hank's colorful expressions of disgust.) No further problems... externally, that is. He was having an internal turmoil. Just imagine... a middle-aged man doing it with a 20-ish looking piece of plastic! It was disturbing. (I'm sorry for all the HankCon shippers out there but Gavin ain't having any of that)
With coffee in hand and his phone set right beside him in the case of much needed distraction, Gavin returned to work. He clicked on his first case he could find. Poor guy. It was an Eden Club case.
DPD was haunted by horrible screaming.
"Geez, now I've got to get this crap off me. This is disgusting." Hank shook his hands free of the coffee. Agonizing screams. Gavin made a break for the break room. "What the fuck is his problem?"
"Anderson!" Fowler. Please, not again.
"What is HIS problem?" Hank groaned. He wanted to bang his head on the table like that android. Fowler brisk walked towards Hank in a rush. Hank pulled up his greatest and most sarcastic face ever: he raised his eyebrows, smiled too wide for it to be sincere. He had a large grin that bordered grimace and annoyance. "Jeffrey! Nice to see you out of your office. To what do I owe the pleasure?"
"Anderson. Reed." Gavin shuffled near Fowler. A coffee pot in one hand, and a mug in the other. Pour. Gulp. Pour. Gulp. The poor thing drank it like it was bleach. Pure thoughts. Pure thoughts. Pour. Gulp. Pour. Gulp.
"Are you gonna keep calling each other's surnames or are you gonna tell me why your nose's flaring like a bull?" Pour. Gulp. Fowler sighed. "I don't know what fuc--" GULP. GULP. GULP. BREAAAAAAATHHHHE. (Agressively gulping ensues.)
"You need to stop this behavior right now, Reed." Fowler frowned. An order. That's right. He's got a job to do. A job better than thos-- Gavin returned to his senses. The large coffee pot was now 1/3 full. Did he really drink all that?
"Stop what?" Hank furrowed his brows. Fowler ignored him. Gavin remained the same. Boring holes into the floor where he was standing. Internally screeching like his life depended on it. It probably was. It was so vivid it--
"Detective Reed!" Fowler slammed a hand on a desk. GULP. BREATHE REED BREATHE.
"Hey, Reed? Gav?" Tina tried shaking him. No response. The only thing missing from him was a foaming mouth and they would've sent him to the morgue. (He was that hopeless.) He was turning blue at this point.
"Try slapping him." Hank supplied. Everyone looked at him incredulously. Tina looked like she was consi-- SLAP! He snapped back to reality. 'Do you think I can get the rest of the day off?' This was not a good day for Gavin Reed. Hank burst into laughter. "Fuck, do it again."
The first word registered itself into Gavin's mind. The coffee pot, now forgotten, crashed and shattered into a million pieces on the floor.
"Detective Reed!"
"Gavin?!?"
"What happened here?" They were once again the center of attention.
"You wanna know what happened?" Hank scoffed. He gestured at the mess that was Gavin. He gleefully cursed. This was a once in a lifetime sight and he's gonna milk every second of it. He leaned back into his chair and spread his arms wide, as if making the greatest announcement in history. "Gavin's finally snapped! Turned into camel. Well, took 'im long enough." Hank grinned. "Better question is what broke 'im?"
"I think you're the one that broke him Hank." Chris mumbled. Tina and the others only resumed to bring Gavin's tortured mind back from the other side of outer space. With Gavin's appearance, Hank believed half (if not all) of his brain had already withered away.
"Does that mean I don't get to see his ugly face every morning? Fuck yeah."
"Why is he like this?" Slappy. Slappy. Slappy. Slappity. SLAPPY. Small slaps.
"Why would I know?" Hank grumbled. He fumbled around his pockets.
"Anderson, get back to work." Fowler frowned. "Reed, take a walk. Take break. You have the rest of the day off. You look like you're gonna fall over." Uh... he kinda already did. Tina called for backup.
Hank frowned. "I ain't up for that shite. I ain't coming back. I gotta check on Connor."
"Phck."
"Shut up Gavin."
"I think he's having a stroke."
"Nah, that's how he talks."
Hank chuckled as he stretched, once again grimacing at the cracking. "If anyone ever finds out what turns him into a llama, tell me. I'm gonna make a sweet blackmail out of this one." Fowler glowered. "--Not the illegal kind, Jeffrey. Jeez."
Grabbing his coat, Hank disappeared outside the station. Once out of sight, he grinned at the photo displayed on his phone screen. (He snapped one where Tina and Chris prepared for THE slap.) Oh, he couldn't wait to tell Connor what happened.
(Gavin underwent shock and was incapacitated/unfit for work for the next few days. No one knew if he sought therapy, but the thought sharing such thoughts with a therapist would only have Gavin die from embarrassment and shock.)
DATE
JUNE 27, 2039
TIME
PM 12:16:21
Hank knew Connor well. He knew him well enough to know that Connor wasn't one to stay still or follow your orders. He'd either fidget with his coin, lick the damn evidence which he had been forbidden not to touch, or explore the entire building and everything within a 5 feet radius of it. He was sure Connor had already escaped his den. He was so convinced, that he didn't expect it.
He opened the locks and entered his house, fully expecting an either regretful semi-sober Connor or a tackle. He didn't expect the house to be so quiet and devoid of life. It hadn't been like this since Co--
He headed for the bedroom. Connor insisted on a couch and it took a whole lot of convincing for him to settle in. After the human thing, Hank was determined to keep the guy comfortable. The door creaked as he opened it.
There he was, at the exact same spot Hank left him that morning, smothered in blankets. Hank's blood ran cold when he realized Connor hadn't moved an inch.
"Connor!"
He raced towards him. Connor had his eyes shut tight, his hands clutched blankets tight around him. "Hey... Connor?" He placed a hand on his forehead. It was burning. Oh no. He realized what that implied.
"Lieutenant...?" Puffy eyes and a red nose. Oh no.
Congratulations Hank. You're back to Parenting 101.
Notesies:
Ey. BedheadAries/KaienShin here. I'm sorry I made you wait for this crappy chapter. I just feel like it's been too long. I feel like I could've made this better but... I haven't been feeling too well recently. I'm working on the next chap. I suck at sick fics (and everything else) but hey. You're still here (or atleast I hope you still are).
Notesies:
1) Yes. Crabby. I put that in there because why not.
2) Yes. I find it funny that Gavin has a mispronounced high-pitched curse word.
3) Yes. I made all those shameless jokes. Don't worry. I hate them too.
4) My aforementioned best friend told me she found out about this fanfiction. I'll go scream now. I screamed in the middle of class and ran in front of the room screaming 'I regret my life choices'.
So... Hi to:
Squee-Bunny (awwww thanks)
ma frend songlover124 (how are you?)
momo22go (thank you aww)
Madzapan (eyy gracias amigo)
little miss BANANNA HEAD (you made me cry)
Guesty (ahaha your question hath been answered)
NamelessOne (thank you so much)
Peasant (ehehe glad to see ya liked it)
Neyane (I'll keep those in mind)
Enderheart5911 (eyyy)
and last but not least:
Silky (oh no you shouldn't this fic is tewwible. jk)
and also to everyone that liked this thing.
See ya guys later!