Hi everyone,

2nd part of Porcelain, which I hope you all enjoy.

Just as an aside, the entirely of this chapter was inspired and helped along by Chvrches 'Get out' which is a beautiful song, and I'm now obsessed with it!

Thanks as always for reading!

SP7

"He kissed me."

"He what?" Lily hissed, trying unsuccessfully to quell the rising panic in her. "Outside?"

Remus looked up and nodded ruefully. "It was at the side of the shop, in the shade but…"

"Did anyone see?" Lily interrupted, her mind flying through all of the ways in which Remus could deny this ever happened.

"I don't know," he responded and finally the worried, panicking half of Remus won the battle with his expression. "I pushed him off…I didn't know what to do so I came straight here."

"Okay," she said, her thoughts everywhere, trying to think of a plan. "Okay. If it was at the side of the shop after closing time, it's probably unlikely that anyone saw," she thought out loud, working the issue through. "Everyone is usually in their homes by then. So, it might be fine. If anyone did see, you'll just have to deny it. Tell them they didn't see what they thought they did."

Remus nodded, listening to her words carefully although she could see the panic hit him afresh every time she mentioned a possible onlooker.

"There's only going to be one problem," she continued carefully, knowing the problem in her gut as soon as Remus told her: this Sirius didn't seem like the kind to go away, "if he…"

"…tries to do it again," Remus filled in, running his hand through his hair. "I know."

Lily watched Remus consider this possibility for a moment and saw the disappointment and regret flicker across his face. Eventually, he saw her watching him.

"It's ridiculous, I know," he said, eyes pained, "impossible. But for a minute…I forgot where I was. I know it can never happen again but I should've…appreciated it more while it happened."

There was nothing Lily could say to that. Her best friend, who only a matter of weeks ago she had nearly confessed her feelings to, was now telling her about his first kiss with a boy that was dangerous and obviously reckless. Later, when she allowed herself to think about it, it would sting her heart, but right now, she was more concerned with making sure Remus was safe.

"I'll speak to him," he continued when Lily was quiet. "I'll tell him he has to leave me alone."

"I can do it," Lily offered, hoping that if it were her, the message would actually get delivered. "It'll be easier for me, Remus. I'll be able to tell him directly, scare him away."

"You're sure? I know I could do it but if we were seen together a second time…"

"I can do it," she assured him, "where are they?"

Remus informed her that Sirius and James were staying in the only hotel in town. The imaginatively named 'Belmont Hotel'. She decided to pay them a visit the next morning before school, if only because she couldn't guarantee that Sirius wouldn't have made his way all over town by the afternoon.

When she woke up the next day, she dressed slowly and thoughtfully, trying to moderate what she might say in her head, thinking through all the possible options of how to behave diplomatically despite Sirius's personality.

However, all of her careful planning was immediately pushed out of her head the moment she encountered Petunia. Petunia was always grouchy at breakfast and missed no opportunity to take her sourness out on Lily. So, Lily ate her breakfast and listened to Petunia groan on about how that was really her skirt and it looked better on her anyways, Vernon had said so, and it wasn't like any boy ever complimented Lily, apart from the town loser, of course.

By the time Lily made her way to the Belmont Hotel, she was spitting acid.

"Hi Jenny," she greeted the owner and manager of the hotel.

"Lily!" Jenny responded happily, smiling widely as she took in Lily and her school bag. "What has you here before school?"

"Do you have some new customers here?" Lily asked as innocently as she could. "Around my age, boys, one has long hair," she continued when Jenny looked puzzled. "Arrived on motorcycles."

"Oh, Sirius and James you mean," Jenny said, now seeming to understand and obviously having developed some sort of acquaintance with the two, which annoyed Lily even more, "I wouldn't call them customers," she laughed, "more like temporary handy-men. They can't pay for a room so I said they could sleep in the shed out back if they fixed a few things for me. You need 'em?"

"Yes," she said, thinking it was probably good luck that they were outside in a shed where no one would be able to hear Lily yell, "one of them left a book at the soda shop yesterday and I've come to return it."

"Of course," Jenny smiled, "that's so like you, Lily. Very thoughtful. You can go around the side of the hotel – you'll find them there."

Thanking Jenny, Lily made her way around the side of the hotel, palms now sweating with nerves. The first sight that greeted her was James, outside of the shed, covered in dirt and oil as he fiddled with one of the bikes.

She briefly considered trying to tip toe around him so as to get to her real target without having to engage in some inane discussion but as he was positioned just outside the door, that didn't seem too realistic, so she kept walking. Eventually, the soft padding of her shoes on the grass alerted him to her presence.

"Is he inside?" Lily queried abruptly, eyes jerking towards the shed just behind him, as his face registered her arrival with a smart grin. Allowing him to talk as little as possible was clearly the only way through this obstacle.

"And here I was thinking that you'd come to see me," James rebutted sharply, still sporting the same grin that drove Lily spare.

"Is he inside?" She pressed, practically spitting every word out.

"What is it with you and hats?" He asked, staring at the top of her head which was adorned with a soft pink cap that morning. James stood straight and started to brush down his forearms and fingers with a rag that was as dirty as he was.

"I'd think the better question might be 'what is it with you and my hats?'" Lily replied as airily as she could, hoping that whatever little control she possessed could stop the blush she knew he was hoping to see.

Now not bothering to hide a full blown smile, James sauntered towards her slowly, "Oh, I already know what the answer to that one is," he said lowly, his eyes never leaving hers.

Rolling her eyes, mainly due to the desperate need to look away from him, Lily crossed her arms and strode around him towards the shed door. Her hand shaking a little with determination, she grasped the handle and threw the door forwards.

Sunlight illuminated the majority of the dank and dingy shed, revealing to Lily the sight of Sirius, lying on a grubby looking bed, a cigarette dangling in between his teeth.

"I think you're in trouble, Padfoot," James called merrily from behind her, before Lily had the chance to speak.

Not looking in the least perturbed by this, Sirius sat up a little and propped himself up against the wall of the shed.

"Well?" He queried brusquely, throwing down the cigarette when Lily hadn't spoken after a few moments.

"You," she began, stopping to correct the wobble that had drifted from her hand into her voice, "you stay away…from him."

"I'm afraid you'll need to be a little more specific," Sirius responded, although the amusement painted across his features let her know he was well aware what she meant.

"Remus!" Lily ground out, all but stamping her foot, "stay away from him."

Sirius shrugged, letting out a long sigh, "why should I do that?"

"Because…" Lily tried, the force falling away from her words as she couldn't think how to delicately end the sentence, "because…"

"Because you're his girlfriend?" He suggested, clearly trying to provoke her as she watched the same light flash through his eyes as earlier when he had been challenging in Lucius.

"Because you're going to get him into trouble," she finished bluntly, finding that the longer she spoke to him, the more confidence she gained. This boy would eventually leave – no one here knew who he was and she didn't have to act like a lady around him, as she did around every other boy. So long as their conversation remained in the shed, Lily could say whatever she wanted to him.

"Shouldn't you be at school yelling at your boyfriend for kissing someone else, instead of here, trying to threaten me?"

"Shouldn't you be locked up in some juvenile prison for runaways, instead of here, attacking boys who want nothing to do with you?"

His eyes flashed. She had hit a nerve. Which satisfied Lily because it was exactly what she was trying to do.

Sirius swung his legs over the edge of the bed and started towards her.

"Has your boyfriend ever actually kissed you?" He half-snarled, giving Lily the distinct impression he was holding back.

"Yes," she hissed in response, unconsciously folding her arms the closer he came.

"And did you have to beg him to do it?"

"At least I didn't have to ambush him!"

That short, loud laugh of Sirius's echoed around the shed.

"Is that what he told you?" He asked lowly, his eyes flashing again, this time with danger in them. "That I ambushed him?"

Trying to remember her conversation with Remus last night and wondering how Remus had described the interaction rendered Lily unable to respond.

"Or did he not bother to tell you what really happened? That I kissed him once, slowly, after he had been watching my lips the entire time we talked, and then stopped…"

The pangs of jealousy that Lily had been expecting to feel last night suddenly appeared and swamped her chest. It was as though he was telling her the most compelling story she had ever heard and yet, she wanted nothing more than for him to stop talking.

"…only for him to kiss me. He kissed me like he'd been waiting to do it his entire life. And then he stopped, because he remembered who he was and where he was."

"Are you trying to get him arrested?" Lily breathed, her voice shaking as she tried to quell the burning envy in her heart.

"No," Sirius said forcefully, somehow moving closer to her, "this bullshit country with these bullshit laws are trying to get him arrested, not me."

With that, he strode away from her and threw himself back down on the bed, not looking at her anymore.

"I know what you might think about me," Lily said, getting his attention as she finally found her voice, "but when he told me how he felt, all I cared about was that he was safe. That's why I'm here. I love him. And I'm not going to let anything happen to him. I don't know why you're here," she sniffed, as their eyes met, "but if you care about him, you'll leave him alone."

Deciding to get out of the shed before things got any worse, Lily turned around and walked into the daylight, finding James leaning against his motorcycle, obviously having listened to the whole conversation.

"Need a ride to school?" He asked, eyes following her as she stalked past him.

"No," she replied, wiping the tears from her eyes as she ran away. After that morning, she had no intention of going to school.

Legs sore, chest heaving and fists still clenched, Lily strode through dense undergrowth, feet managing to dodge the nettles that were littered amongst the grass. It wasn't difficult for Lily to miss the nettles: she had traversed this place many times before, finding it to be the one place in town she could feel peace.

A cool wind drifted in off the lake and whipped around Lily as she moved around its edge. She was on the unkempt side of the water – the part the town did nothing to maintain and so the grass had grown long and patchy with weeds everywhere. From her usual spot, where there were a few trees, Lily could look out across the lake and see only the water. When she was there, she could miss the entire town and its manicured vegetation and lose herself in the unruly green.

She had just settled into her usual patch, marked by trodden down weeds, when she heard a noise.

"Ow!"

Lily groaned as she recognised the voice.

"Jesus Christ!" Sounded James's voice – she still couldn't see him but clearly he wasn't trying to be quiet.

Finally, she saw the top of his crazy hair come into view, and shortly after, his face: red and flustered.

"Pick a place with more nettles, why don't you?!" He yelped, jumping again after he hit another strand.

"You didn't have to follow me," Lily retorted, the sight of him jumping up and down easing the anger she felt at him.

Ignoring her comment, James moved towards her and stood above her, eyes moving across the lake.

"You okay?"

"You're ridiculously persistent, do you realise that?" Lily bit out, folding her arms around her knees.

"Yeah, I do," he said, taking off his jacket and throwing down on the grass. "I think it's my best quality, personally."

"Well, then you're both deluded and persistent," she muttered, hating that he had now sat down beside her, his long legs stretched out in front of him.

"Sirius really got to you, didn't he?" James said matter-of-factly, irritating Lily with his calm demeanour.

Lily swallowed, choosing not to say anything. Not wanting to give Sirius the pleasure of knowing that he had.

"I know you won't believe me, but he's actually a really nice guy – he's just going through a rough time at the minute."

"Oh yeah, he seems like a great guy," Lily hissed, finally letting out all of her frustration. "In the time he's shown up, he's done his absolute best to get Remus arrested. A real amazing guy, Sirius!"

James watched her diatribe carefully, eyes narrowing as she spoke.

"You're mad because you really like Remus," he said plainly, "because you're jealous."

Lily could've denied it. Maybe she should've protested and seemed outraged at his suggestion. But she already knew it was true. A part of her had always thought of Remus as 'hers'. At the moment, it seemed like that was brutally incorrect.

"Did he actually kiss you?" James asked teasingly when she didn't reply.

Scoffing, Lily regarded him sardonically, "yes," she drawled, sick of every person's inability to believe this. "What?" She gritted, when he started to grin at her again.

"Properly?"

"Are you trying to annoy me?" Lily shot back, resisting the urge to kick him in the shin.

"Answer the question!"

"It's a stupid question! What you mean 'properly?'"

"In my experience, a person knows when they've been properly kissed," James laughed.

This stopped Lily. Shutting her mouth, she knew that when Remus had kissed her, she had felt that something was missing.

"That's a no then," he said, with a small smile.

"It's none of your business," Lily replied, though she knew she had lost the fire in her voice.

"You should be kissed by someone who wants to kiss you," he continued briskly, now giving her the same intent gaze that he had back in the diner.

"You are not kissing me," she said haughtily, eyes moving upwards to inspect the sky.

Shrugging, James adopted the same position as Lily: knees bent towards his chest, arms around his knees and eyes towards the sky.

"Don't you ever worry that you won't make any mistakes?" He asked abruptly, causing Lily to look down at him. She felt her face change at the strangeness of his question.

"You want to get married, have lots of kids, live in a white house, right?" He continued when she was silent.

Lily nodded, as surely as she could. That was what she was supposed to want. No one seemed to care whether it was or not.

"So, when you're fifty, married for thirty years with three kids, aren't you worried you'll look back and regret not ever doing anything stupid?"

The question hit Lily like a bolt of lightning. She had never considered this possibility before. She was so consumed with her life right now that she had never looked into the future to wonder how she might look back on her teenage years. Would she regret how perfectly she behaved, despite feeling and wanting the exact opposite? Would she think back over all the times she had screamed into her pillow and wish, that instead of doing that, for once, she had told someone how she actually felt?

"Well, if you want I'll volunteer to be your one, stupid mistake," James told her languidly, though giving every suggestion that he was waiting to hear her answer, "and save you from a life of no regrets."

"It's just a kiss," she replied with a forcefulness that she didn't truly feel, "why does it matter so much to you?"

Grinning, James's eyes scanned her face, "because, I know when I'm fifty, I'll still be regretting it if we haven't."

"Do lines like that actually work on the girls in New York?" Lily asked, speaking just to distract herself from the butterflies jumping in her stomach.

"Definitely not," he admitted with a smile, ruffling his hair in the annoying way that he did. Although, she had to admit, he definitely wasn't the worst looking boy she had ever seen.

"You've known me for two minutes," she said, letting her knees fall to the ground. "You can't possibly know that you like me in that time."

"I have eyes, don't I?" James responded, "but as you said, it's just a kiss, it's not that big a deal."

Lily took a moment to consider this, letting her eyes fall to his lips as she wondered what it would be like to kiss him. To have him kiss her when he so obviously wanted to.

"But for the record, I love watching you stand up to people," he taunted, "seeing you yell at Sirius was fantastic."

Already sick of thinking after all the mental gymnastics she had performed, Lily made up her mind and, just as he finished talking, she quickly pressed her lips against his, shutting him up for the first time that day.

"There," she announced thickly, removing her lips from his almost as soon as she had kissed him, "there's your stupid kiss. Will you leave me alone now?"

Watching her with a look made up of amusement, lust and arrogance, James shook his head.

"Can I try?" He asked lowly, as his hand drifted up to her cheek and he leant in, leaving Lily just enough room to leave if she wanted. She didn't move and he kissed her. When his lips first met hers, it crossed Lily's mind that this kiss wasn't that different from the one she had just given him, but then something happened.

Just as she relaxed, James tilted his head to the right, his left arm winding around her waist as he pulled her up and in to meet his chest. Not expecting this, Lily came freely, hands landing on his shoulders instinctively as their bodies met.

He kissed her once, pulling away to break the contact between their lips, eyes pouring into hers, before letting their lips meet a second time. The hand on her cheek moved up to her hair, his fingers tangling amongst the curls just as she felt his tongue run lightly along her lower lip.

Lily hadn't a clue what she was doing but naturally opened her mouth a little, only to find James's tongue meeting her own. It felt a little strange a first and never had she been more aware of her own inexperience. But as his fingers continued to move in her hair and his right arm moved around her waist to pull her more and more towards him, as though he couldn't get her close enough, a flutter started to build in her toes.

James's hand fell from her hair and swept along her skirt, up her hips and around her waist to meet his other arm. He was holding her completely now and the flutter jittered around her whole body, moving to every place he touched her. If she was kissing him incorrectly, James showed no sign of it, kissing her as fervently as he could with no indication of stopping.

As his lips moved against hers, Lily found herself lowering towards the ground. At first she was indignant at the thought that James had moved her in this way, until she realised that it was her who was moving to lie down, pulling James with her by the shoulders as she moved.

Her back hit the flattened grass with a soft 'thump' as their kiss ended. He wasn't lying on top of her but his chest hovered over hers, his hands now either side of her head, propping him up above her. She took a moment to appreciate his appearance – to think how dark his eyes were, how the flush in his cheeks suited him and most strangely of all, how his attractive his hair was.

She noticed he was doing the same review of her and she winced inside, finding she hoped he was still as attracted to her as he had been before they had kissed.

She wasn't given long to dwell on this thought as James was soon kissing her again, diving right back in with the same intensity as before. Allowing her hands to move this time, Lily moved them into his hair, enjoying the feeling of being the one to pull him closer – to push her own body upwards and into his chest.

Lily now knew why everyone did this all the time. Why all the boys in her class were so desperate to kiss. She had never understood it before but lying there with James all but on top of her, the drive flowing around her body felt electric.

And she somehow wanted more of him. More of this feeling. More of whatever was happening now although she had no idea what that was or how to get it. Her body moved as she tried to think; she was still pulling him closer and closer until finally, he came with her, his chest landing on hers, legs in between her own, their bodies completely interlocked.

Lily felt a moment of thrilling satisfaction – this was what she had been trying to get at.

Until, her rational brain kicked in. This was probably what Amy Cline had been trying to get at too. The thought froze her solid, stopping her hands and pulling her lips away from James.

As her mind swarmed with images of homes and babies, Lily felt her arms move to James's chest as she pushed him off her and immediately sprang to her feet, hat falling away from her head as she moved.

"Sorry," he breathed, still on the ground as she looked down at him. With his swollen lips and messy hair, she would've been more pleased with the sight of him if she weren't so busy panicking. "Got a little carried away."

There was no reason for him to be apologising. It had been just as much her as it was him. Her, more so, really. That was the problem.

"Where are you going?" He asked, as Lily began striding away, needing more than anything to be away from him so she could think. "Lily!" He called after her when she didn't answer but she ignored him.

School was the only place she could go to now. Anywhere else and people would wonder why she wasn't there instead.

She would go to school and she could sit and panic there by herself and no one would notice.

Except maybe Remus.

Remus kept his eyes trained on the pink potted geraniums that decorated the Evans's front door. Though they hadn't explicitly agreed it, Remus had half-thought that Lily would return to her house prior to school and they could go in together as always.

That would at least mean Remus would know what she had said to Sirius and how he had reacted and then perhaps he could stop worrying about every single thing he had done in the past twelve hours.

His parents usually left for work before he went to school so he had the place to himself as he watched the Evans house, hoping that Lily would appear on the street any moment.

He peered through the windows of the front room for ten minutes, then twenty and finally, half an hour had passed during which he had watched the house to no avail. He had observed Mr Evans leave for work but other than that, the house remained frustratingly still.

Remus looked at his watch. At this rate, he was going to be late for school. Deciding against letting fear control his decisions, he determined that he would go to school and if nothing else, Lily could update him there.

He had just finished locking the front door to his own house when he was rooted to the steps of the porch by the sound he heard in the distance – a deep, rumbling drone that echoed down the streets of Belmont, disturbing the quiet everywhere it went.

By the time Remus summoned the courage to lock the door and turn around, he knew that the motorcycle was on the street outside, coughing and spluttering into the air. As he walked down the steps, schoolbag at his hip, he kept his eyes on the pavement, save for a quick glance that he couldn't help. The glance afforded him a look at Sirius, who was leaning against the bike, still wearing the same leather jacket and jeans that he had been the day before.

Remus had quickly planned not to speak to him as he walked past but found himself unable to just continue walking as he caught sight of him. "What are you doing here?" He muttered, doing his best not to stop in case anyone in the street saw them.

"Well, I'm apparently banned from seeing you, so obviously I came straight here. Jenny was good enough to tell me where you lived," Sirius replied easily, crossing his feet in front of him.

"You saw Lily."

"It would've been impossible to miss her," he retorted dryly, "why are looking at the pavement?"

Remus ignored his question, finally deciding to meet Sirius's eyes, "I asked Lily to speak to you."

"And you can't speak to me yourself?"

"I can but I don't want to."

"Afraid you might kiss me again?" Sirius asked, with something of smile playing about his mouth.

Remus didn't find it so funny. The question horrified him. They were alone on the street but how could they know someone wasn't listening? How could this boy be so cavalier about everything? Why didn't he feel any of the fear that was currently coursing through Remus?

"I'm going to school now," he breathed as unemotionally as he could, his eyes leaving Sirius as he turned to walk down the street.

"I'll take you," Sirius offered, his hand shooting out to grab the sleeve of Remus's jumper.

Remus shook him off, letting out a loud laugh before remembering himself, "no thanks."

"Come on," Sirius smiled, patting the back seat of the bike. "I'll drop you somewhere quiet and I've a helmet so no one will see you."

Looking at him, Remus imagined that Sirius could get anyone to do anything just by smiling at them. That casual, easy smile was so intense, so free – it was hard to look away.

"I promise I just want to talk," he went on, "and we'll be leaving town in a couple of days. After that, you'll never have to see me again."

Sirius picked the helmet up off the back of the bike and held it out to him.

Thinking that the longer he stood there with his face uncovered, the more chance there was of someone seeing him, and knowing that Sirius probably wasn't going to leave him alone otherwise, Remus grabbed the helmet and started to put it on.

A few minutes later, he was climbing ungracefully onto the back of the bike.

"You can hold on to the bars over the back wheel," Sirius told him, looking over his shoulder at Remus, "or, you can hold on to me."

Remus looked at the bars over the wheel and realised that to hold onto them would mean bending his arms behind him. Saying nothing, he put his arms on Sirius's hips, praying harder than he had ever prayed that no one was looking at them. He held onto the jacket as the bike started up underneath him.

Ignoring Sirius's smile, he took a deep breath as the bike jutted forward, motoring noisily along the quiet suburban street. Knowing that the whole street could hear them should've provoked more fear in Remus. And in the beginning, it did. However, as the drive went on, he found himself enjoying the reckless feeling of flying down the road as Sirius increased the speed. The bike rumbled along under his legs, the strength of the vibrations causing his whole body to shake. He saw places that he knew whirl past him in strokes of colour, blurring out of his vision before he had time to register where exactly they were.

He watched as the bike flew past the market, the city's library and soda shop, where they had first met. As they drove, Sirius's hair streamed back behind him, flowing madly in the wind.

At some point during the journey, Remus's arms slipped fully around Sirius's waist – he didn't notice it happen at the time but he noticed it as they sped past the route that would've taken him to school and instead continued onwards towards the lake and woods.

He decided against saying anything, again allowing the reckless momentum to overtake him as he let Sirius dictate their end point.

The bike turned off the road into the woods, the lake passing them on the right hand side. Just ahead, Remus could see the well kept lawns of the picnic area beside the lake. He knew that Lily sometimes came down here to be on the other side of the lake – it was her spot – but he had never been here much himself, save for when he was younger. When the weather was nice, his family used to come here for picnics, if both his parents could take the time off work.

When they were surrounded by trees, the bike started to slow and Remus felt Sirius's legs drag along the ground as the scenery spun slowly into view. When they were fully stopped, Sirius switched off the bike.

"Not to point out the obvious, but this isn't my school," Remus said as he climbed off and began to unbuckle the helmet. Sirius swung his left leg over the back of the bike and climbed off easily.

"What?" He asked, when Sirius laughed instead of answering.

"Your hair," he grinned, eyes trained just about Remus's as he walked towards him.

Remus let his hands move to his hair, feeling it flat upon his head from the weight of the helmet.

"Oh," he smiled, just about to fix it with his own hands when Sirius got there before him.

With a soft touch, Sirius ran his fingers through Remus's hair, shaking it out a little as he went. His right hand came up to do the same to the other side of Remus's hair – at this Remus felt his eyes fall to the ground before they closed completely. He wanted to enjoy the feeling of this moment, and here, in the woods by themselves, he could.

The nervous energy he felt at having Sirius so near dissipated as he paid attention only to the sensations running through his hair.

All too quickly, the hands fell away from his hair and just as Remus was about to open his eyes, he felt Sirius's lips on his.

If he had lied to himself, Remus could've believed that he had forgotten the first time they kissed within seconds of it ending. But that was a ridiculous falsehood – he had barely thought of anything else but the feeling of that kiss since it happened. He had paced the moment in his mind over and over again – trying to remove the crushing disappointment that it could never happen again. Trying to convince himself that he hadn't wasted the one truly romantic moment he had ever experienced.

But above all, he had told himself he would cherish the memory. Even if it had ended too soon, he told himself he could live on the memory of it for years, maybe decades.

Now, as the kiss happened again, had he been able to think sanely around this boy, he would've again told himself to be happy with the first kiss and to move away. As it was, his body got there before him.

Letting his hands slide up to Sirius's face, he did what he had wanted to do the first time, and pulled him closer. Hands now at his neck, Remus forgot who he was and how he was supposed to be and kissed Sirius with all the pent up energy that had been controlling him since they first met. He kissed him, knowing that if this were to be their last kiss, he wouldn't regret it.

Sirius's hands wrapped around his waist, pulling him in and Remus got lost in the burning sensation rising in his body – the kind he had felt after they first kissed and did his best to suppress. This time he wouldn't suppress it.

He was all too ready to dive head first into the moment when Sirius broke away, exhaling raggedly.

"I thought you weren't going to do that again," Remus said breathlessly, eyes still closed, his nose against Sirius's as he felt him grin.

"I lied," he smirked, hands now back in Remus's hair, "I can apologise if you want."

This was meant to taunt. To show him Sirius knew how much Remus wanted him.

"I'm not sure I'd believe you if you did," Remus replied as Sirius moved away, back towards the bike. At some point, he had grabbed the helmet from Remus without him noticing.

"Something to remember me by," he said, with his back to Remus, throwing the helmet to the ground, a tone echoing around the forrest that Remus didn't recognise.

"When are you leaving again?" He asked, trying desperately not to sound as though he wanted him to stay.

"Few days," Sirius shrugged, now sitting on the bike, his eyes examining the tree tops.

"Oh."

"And your plans are?"

"I'm sorry?"

"Your plans," Sirius stated decisively, "what are you planning to do with your life? Don't tell me you're just going to stay here and pretend for their rest of your life. I might have to throw myself off the nearest cliff."

Remus tried to feel that this was a joke and ignored the fact that he had once considered this option, "I'm going to go to Paris when I graduate. Lily and I. We're leaving as soon as we can."

At this Sirius let out his usual abrupt laugh, which echoed off the wood and bounced around the air for a few minutes.

"So, you have one of those too then?"

"One of what?"

"One of those friends who is going to ruin their life for you."

The statement struck Remus coldly and he felt his skin prick with anger. That wasn't true. Paris had always been Lily's escape too. He hadn't talked her into it. If he remembered correctly, the whole thing had been her idea. Even after he had told her how he really felt, she had still wanted to go.

"She wants to come," Remus replied as calmly as he could. "She's always wanted to go. I haven't asked her to."

"Of course not," Sirius said with the same harsh voice, "I'm sure she's dying to run off with Prince Charming to a foreign land while he wishes she was actually a guy. Getting married are you?"

"No," he retorted, now losing his cool. "We'll tell everyone here we are but when we're…"

"And explain to me how running off to Paris with a man who isn't her husband isn't going to ruin her life?" Sirius interrupted. "That's not going to destroy her reputation when she finally does want to get married?"

"Lily wouldn't want to marry the kind of man who cared about that."

He laughed again, "as far as I know that's pretty much all of them."

Rather than argue more, Remus fell silent. Part of his brain blocked off what Sirius had said. It wouldn't be like that. He wasn't ruining her life.

"And college? She's giving up that for you too?"

Remus took a moment to steady himself, "she can't go. Her parents can't afford it."

"You said she was smart."

"She is."

"But not enough to get a scholarship?"

Again, this brought silence pounding down on Remus. She could get a scholarship. He knew she could. If someone would just care about her education, her mind, tell her she was smart and allow her to believe it, Lily could get into any college she wanted.

"James doesn't need a scholarship," Sirius went on, now looking at his feet. "His family could afford it. He's a cert for Yale or Columbia. Or he was…before he ran off with me."

"Why did you leave?"

"I didn't fancy being locked up in a psychiatric ward," he replied bitterly. "I never planned on telling my parents how I felt – I knew they were vindictive assholes. But never in my wildest dreams did I think they'd try and cure me."

"How did they find out?"

"When I kept bailing on every match they set me up with, they figured something was up," Sirius told him, "and then they found photos and all hell broke lose."

"Then you left?"

Sirius nodded, kicking the tyres of the bike, "it was James's idea. Stupid bastard. I told him I could go on my own but he refused. Now we're here and his life is as fucked as mine." He stopped kicking to take a deep breath, throwing his head back to the sky, chest puffed out as far as it could go.

"You didn't ruin his life," Remus said quietly, when neither of them had spoken for a few minutes, "he chose to go with you."

"I know," Sirius acknowledged, breathing out heavily, "you can let me know if that makes you feel any better when you're in Paris with Lily. Come on," he said, patting the back seat of the cycle, "I'll take you back to town."

It didn't bother Lily too much when Remus didn't show up to their first class together. Occasionally, he might volunteer to open up the soda shop before school and that would keep him late.

But by the time lunch came and Remus was still nowhere to be found, Lily was starting to panic. What if something had happened to him? What if he had run into Sirius again?

In the beginning, she had selfishly wanted him there so she could tell him about James. So he could tell her that everything would be alright and there was no way that you could get pregnant just by a boy lying on you. As the day went on however, his absence panicked her more and more, so just as lunch ended, she had stopped worrying about James and started worrying about Remus.

She had made up her mind to go home and call at Remus's house and was on her way out of the school when a hand shot out of a classroom and pulled her sideways.

"Lucius!" She jumped, backing away from him as he shut the door over her shoulder.

"I'm sorry for scaring you, Lily but we need to talk," he stated firmly, towering over her.

"What's wrong?" She asked, hearing the tremble in her voice and hoping against hope that nothing terrible had happened.

"It's about Remus."

The grave look on Lucius's face left no doubt in Lily's mind as to what he was talking about and she fought back to urge to be physically sick then and there.

"What do you mean?" She said, trying to keep a plain face.

Lucius opened his mouth to speak but then seemed unable to continue, eyeing her uncertainly and with something that looked like pity.

"I…I don't like being the one to tell you this Lily," he said, "and I hate to see you used like this. You know I've always liked you."

"Lucius, please," Lily tried shakily, "just tell me what it is."

With another uncertain look, he continued. "You know I go shooting in the woods sometimes?"

Lily nodded, hearing her heartbeat thudding in her ears. She wasn't sure if she did know that but now wasn't the time to interrupt.

"I was there this morning with a few of the guys and…"

"And?"

"Lupin was there."

"Okay," Lily encouraged – she was already doing a worthless job at stopping tears but what he was about to tell her was everything she had feared since these boys had arrived.

"He wasn't alone, Lily."

"Oh," she said quietly, feeling the tears slip over her eyes as she let her head fall forward, desperate to hide her face from him. The sight of her crying changed Lucius's face entirely – Lily was doing her best to hide it but she was no match for the fear currently rattling around her chest.

"You know," he confirmed, eyes drilling into her as she saw the shock on his face.

"Lucius, please…"

"You know he's a fucking…"

"Lucius!" She interrupted, grabbing him round the shoulders. "Please. This is a misunderstanding. This is…"

"There's no misunderstanding," he snarled. "I saw him with that degenerate on the motorcycle. I came here to warn you but now I see…"

"Where is he, Lucius?" She wept, hands shaking as she grasped his arms. "Please, just give me some time."

"I came here to warn you but the rest of the team went to find him," he continued cruelly, pushing her off him. "I can't guarantee what state you'll find him in, Lily," he called after her as she ran towards the door, flinging it open, running faster than she ever had in her life.

She had torn her nails to shreds. She looked down at her hands, now bloody and red raw, her eyes feeling the same way.

She had lost the ability to cry – the tears disappearing hours ago when it became clear to her that she wasn't going to find him.

The clock on her desk table told her it was now after 10pm. After running all over town trying to find Remus – the soda shop, the woods, even the hospital – Lily had come home, praying that maybe he was in his house. It only made her feel worse to know that his mother hadn't seen him since this morning.

Defeated, devastated and drained, she had returned to her bedroom and sat, looking out her window across the street, willing him to appear – safe and sound.

At some point, Lily knew she would have to call the police. If he hadn't come home by midnight, she'd have to either go out and look for him again or call the police and ask them to help her find him. Lily didn't want to think about that – she didn't want to think about what state she might find him in.

She was busy getting lost in this horrible thought when there was a tap against the window nearest her bed. Hardly believing that she had heard anything, Lily bolted to the pane. There was nothing there but as she opened it and pushed her head out through the gap, she saw two shadowy figures standing outside by the side of her house.

Not taking the time to say anything, Lily paced to her bedroom door and ran down the stairs as quietly as she could. Her parents would be watching television in their front room and Petunia would still be out with Vernon – caring only that she didn't disturb them, Lily tiptoed quickly past the room and then fled to the back door.

As she fell out into the garden, she saw Remus and James. She would've cried merely at the sight of seeing Remus standing upright but as she moved towards him and the moonlight struck his face, she broke down.

They had beaten him black and blue: his right eye was purple and swollen and she could see dried blood around his mouth.

"Remus," Lily breathed, tears already roaming down her face, "oh my God," she cried, as he came towards her and she wrapped her arms around him. His head fell to her shoulder and she felt her clothes dampen as he cried too.

"I hate them," she spat through her tears, feeling him shake with anguish, his fists clenched at her side. "I hate them so much."

He shuddered and moved back a little, wiping at his face, wincing when it obviously hurt him, "I got off lightly," he said, not looking like he believed this, "if Sirius and James hadn't fought them off, I don't know what would've happened."

At the mention of the other boys, Lily finally looked behind Remus to see James standing with them, his face pale and grave as they talked.

"Where is Sirius?" She asked, looking around to see there was no one else with them.

"By the bikes," James told her, as she looked down to see the skin on his knuckles was bloody and torn, "he got hit badly too. Didn't want to come here with us."

"Oh. Is he okay?" she asked. When James nodded Lily looking back to Remus. "Have you been to the hospital? We can talk about what we're going to do afterwards but first, we need to…"

"I'm going with them, Lily," he said quietly, his soft, abused eyes staring into hers.

"What?" Lily whispered, hardly believing what he had just said.

"I can't stay here now," he went on, taking both her hands in his. "Not after this."

"But we can report them. We can have them arrested."

"And that will change how they feel about people like me?" Remus retorted honestly. "That will stop them from ostracising me even more? From hating me?"

He squeezed her hands, another errant tear escaping him, "I can't live like that, Lily. I don't want to live like that. I want to go somewhere I can be free. Somewhere I can be myself and be happy."

Knowing he was right, Lily found herself unable to speak. She wanted him to be happy more than anything but life without Remus was unimaginable to her.

"I'm sorry about Paris," he said, his forehead now meeting hers. "But it wasn't right, for either of us."

"What do you mean?"

"You should go to college, Lily," Remus stated earnestly. "Go to college. Find a scholarship or find a way. You are so smart – you could be whatever you wanted to be. Don't listen to your mom or Petunia. Screw finding a husband. Find out what it is you want to do in life and do it."

She was about to reply when a noise echoed from insider her house, catching all of their attention.

"We should go," James said, clapping Remus on the shoulder.

Nodding, Remus pulled her into another hug.

"I'll write to you when we get there," he said into her hair, squeezing her tight before letting go.

Tears now in full flow, Lily wasn't able to say anything to him. Instead she was rendered speechless as he walked away.

"I'll take care of him," James told her, catching her gaze. Grabbing her hand, he pressed a quick kiss to her forehead, before he followed Remus out of the garden.

And Lily stood quietly in the moonlight, watching them both go.

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