I've been re-reading my collection this week, and here's an old-but-gold oneshot I found. Apparently I took it down a few years ago...what was I thinking?

Disclaimer: I own nothing related to the Naruto universe.

Genma was on guard duty at the front gates. His jaw went a little slack when he saw the strange goodbyes being said.

Temari had just laid a big, wet kiss on Shikamaru. With the Kazekage and the puppeteer just a few meters away with their backs turned.

And Shikamaru was still breathing.

What the hell?

Temari sauntered over to her brothers, draping one arm around each of their shoulders and leading them a little further away to talk. Genma subtly motioned Shikamaru over.

As he approached, the senbon user's eyes flicked between the two a couple of times, then leaned forward over the counter and lowered his voice.

"Dude. Are you and her…?" He flicked the senbon in his mouth in Temari's direction and looked questioningly at the younger ninja, who slouched against the counter.

"Yeah."

Flashback: 2 Weeks Ago

She'd invited him to her quarters in the Suna embassy for a round of his favorite board game. He'd let himself in, according to her instructions, to find her with a game set up already and standing with back toward him.

"Make your move." Her voice was low and smooth and incredibly sensual. Not at all what he'd expected when he casually walked up behind the sand princess to study the Shogi board over her shoulder. He froze, and his heart rate doubled.

What did she want? He glanced at the board she'd arranged to start in the middle of a game, decidedly already in her favor. Then slowly and deliberately, with his face aimed at the board and his eyes on her, he reached around her body and picked up the only piece she'd set the game to allow him to move. He held it for a second while he studied her.

She was standing proudly, as usual, with her chin up and shoulders back. He recognized the black wrap dress she was wearing, and even without glancing down he knew that there were slits on each side that went all the way up to her hips. She'd had all her weight on one leg when he'd come in a moment ago, and she hadn't shifted since then, which meant that her hip would still be slightly thrust out. She wasn't flinching at all, even with his body so close to hers- he wasn't actually touching her anywhere, but there was barely an inch between them, and his chin was all but resting on her shoulder where he was leaning around her. She smelled…clean. Crisp, like eucalyptus and something faintly cool.

He moved the piece three spaces to the left, putting one of her pieces at a disadvantage. His piece tapped the board loudly in the almost silent room. He straightened back up.

"Is that the move you had in mind?" he asked a little more deliberately than normal.

"Depends. Can you think of any other moves you'd like to make?" He could hear the smirk in her voice.

So that's what she wanted. Interesting.

His heart sped up a little more, and the corners of his mouth lifted slightly. He'd definitely started thinking of her that way lately, especially after the chuunin exams they'd worked on together. She'd been front and center in a fantasy or two, but he didn't think she'd ever return the feeling. Or even appreciate it, for that matter.

But apparently he'd been wrong. She'd just specifically invited him to make a move, so…it would probably be very rude not to do as the lady asked, right? He lowered his head a little.

"I can think of a couple," he murmured softly, allowing his lips to barely brush over the skin on the back of her neck, toward her shoulder. "But they're a little bit risky." His mouth hovered a hair's breadth away from her skin, and…did she just tremble? It was a tiny movement, and fleeting, but…in this proximity, he was at an advantage to read her body. He hadn't imagined it.

"…risky?" she breathed.

Slowly, he moved down and forward toward her collarbone. "Mm-hmm." He stopped in the hollow where her shoulder met her neck. "The Kazekage might not like my strategy." His lips ghosted back up toward her ear, and this time she couldn't hide her suppressed shudder from him.

"Let me worry about the Kazekage," she whispered with a small, devious smile. His chest tightened at her sweet, dangerous tone, and he finally pressed his mouth against her throat. She whimpered softly. The soft, feminine sound enticed him to suck gently, which earned him a fuller whimper.

His fingers inched their way forward to rest on her hips. She gasped softly and froze, and he slipped his fingertips just barely under the edges of the slits in her dress. He felt his stomach flip-flop when he didn't encounter any underwear, only smooth, soft, luscious skin, and he suppressed a groan. His fingertips circled their way lightly down the outsides of her hips until he found the crease where her torso ended and her long, long legs began. He added a little pressure, and she melted backward to lean against his chest, so he slid his hands a little further under her skirt, following the V-shaped crease down toward the center of her thighs. She bit her lip, but a high-pitched sound escaped anyway.

He broke away and turned her gently to face him. Her face was flushed, and he suspected that his probably was too. He searched her darkened green eyes for a couple of seconds, then watched them flutter shut when he pressed his lips against hers. She slid her gentle, sure hands up his shoulders and linked her fingers behind his neck, pulling him deeper into the kiss, and he wrapped his arms around her slim waist and pulled her body flush against his.

She was licking gently at his lips, begging him without words to let her in. He obeyed, and she explored his mouth while his tongue caressed hers. After several moments that could have been either seconds or hours, he felt her pressing her chest against his. Unfortunately, he couldn't feel it very well through his flack vest. He smirked against her mouth and brought one hand around to her front, gliding against her body the whole way, so that she hardly noticed his movement until he smoothly slid his palm up to cup her breast and squeeze lightly. She moaned into his mouth, then broke the lip-lock, panting.

She grinned at him, then grabbed his wrist and led him over to the futon. When they got there, she unzipped his flack jacket and shoved it off his shoulders, and he tossed it to the side. She was already tugging at the hem of his shirt, which he grabbed and tugged over his head to join the vest on the floor. Then before she could attack his netted undershirt, he slipped his hands inside the loosely wrapped neckline of her dress and pulled it down over her shoulders, leaving them bare.

She pulled him back into a hungry kiss, and he stepped forward so that she fell backward onto the futon. She looked up at him with a startled expression, then gave him her most daring grin yet as she shrugged out of the top part of her dress and produced a kunai to slice open her bindings, leaving her in nothing but her skirt. Then she laid back and gestured for him to follow her down.

He did.

End Flashback

Genma's eyebrows shot up, and he glanced at the two male Sand shinobi. "That should make this mission interesting for you. Do they know?"

Flashback

His mouth found hers again for a moment, and his hand found her breast. Then he pulled his mouth away from hers and nudged her chin up, exposing her whole throat and chest to his appreciative eyes and slow, deliberate mouth. He was just beginning to work his way down her jawline with slow, searing, suckling kisses when he heard something that made him tense up.

"Oi, Temari!" It was Kankuro's voice, coming toward her door. Oh crap. Not good. He started to back off of her, but she grabbed a handful of his hair and held him in place.

"Ignore it," she whispered hotly. He wasn't so sure that was a good idea, but he stayed put.

Bang bang bang.

"Temari! I know you're in there. Open up!"

"Shit," he muttered. "Temari-"

"Shut up," she hissed. "He'll go away. Now go back to what you were doing."

Hesitantly, he suppressed his chakra and resumed his path. He made his way slowly and painstakingly down her throat, drawing soft little moans and mewls from the tough sand kunoichi in the process. When he felt the puppeteer's chakra fade, he let out a relieved breath and started down the center of her chest.

A moment later, the door creaked. Temari didn't flinch, but Shikamaru's eyes snapped open. Her hand tightened in his hair, keeping him pinned against her bare chest, but he slid his eyes over to see Kankuro standing in the entryway with the door wide open.

"Leave." Shikamaru felt her low voice vibrate in her chest against his mouth. He tried not to let it affect him, but he failed.

"Uh, Temari, Gaara sent me over here with some papers…"

"Drop them and leave." There was no mischief in her voice; only a dangerous tone that left no room for argument. When Kankuro seemed hesitant, she placed her own hand sensuously on her breast and pushed Shikamaru's head a little lower into the valley between them. A moment later, they heard the door slam shut. Temari finally let go of his hair, and he lifted his head.

"I think maybe we should stop."

"What? Why?" she demanded.

He glanced at the door and rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "Well, I just…not because I want to, but…your brother…"

"Shut the hell up. I want to keep going and so do you. End of story." With that, she rolled them over so that she was on top, startling him.

He started to protest, but she was already kissing her way straight down his fishnet covered chest and fumbling with his belt. The sensation of her hot mouth combined with the roughness of his net undershirt was excruciatingly wonderful.

"Wh-what are you doing?" he breathed.

She nipped at his skin through the netting, directly between his belly button and where he usually wore his waistband. He gasped, and she laughed.

"Convincing you." And then his pants were open, and she continued downward on her quest to 'convince'.

End Flashback

"Yeah, they know."

"Then how in the hell are you still breathing?"

Shikamaru let out something between a chuckle and a soft snort. "We have an understanding."

Flashback

Shikamaru was just getting ready to lie down on his favorite grassy hill. Unfortunately, someone seemed to have other plans for his afternoon. The lazy genius didn't even have time to draw a kunai before his whole body was engulfed in hard, unyielding sand up to his neck.

"Desert coffin."

Oh shit.

"Kazekage-sama." Shikamaru managed to force a pathetic excuse for a friendly smile. Kankuro brought backup. Or sent backup…double shit. He tried to turn his head to see if the puppeteer was anywhere in sight, but Gaara's sand was too restrictive.

"My brother tells me that he caught you in a rather compromising position this morning."

What could he say to that? 'Yeah, and it was damn good after he left, too'? Shikamaru decided to keep his mouth shut, which unfortunately turned out to be the wrong solution. Gaara tightened the sand until it was almost crushing him, and he gasped for air.

"What do you want me to say?" he choked out. "That I think your sister is disgusting?"

"Yes."

That's when Kankuro decided to get involved. The rapid wooden clacking from one of his puppets came from somewhere behind him, and the next thing Shikamaru knew, there was one long, sharp blade at his throat and another poised inches from the center of his forehead. There was a tiny purple drop of poison glistening on the tip. Shikamaru swallowed hard.

"Don't you ever insult Temari like that. Especially after this morning."

Well shit. Talk about a rock and a hard place. Well, at this point…any gamble was as good as any other, so he might as well be honest. Tactfully honest, he thought.

"With all due respect, Kazekage-sama," he ground out toward Gaara, then shifted his gaze to Kankuro, "I didn't say she was." Neither Suna nin backed down, and Shikamaru rolled his eyes while he struggled to take another breath. "Hell, I think my opinion of her is pretty obvious."

Kankuro finally strode around to stand just a couple of feet in front of Shikamaru's sand prison and reached up to take the blade at Shikamaru's throat in his hand. He put a little pressure on it, and the lazy genius fought the urge to swallow again. Are they…really going to kill me?

"I don't care what your opinion is. All I care about is making sure you don't hurt my sister."

"I…she didn't give me much of a choice, and she's an adult kunoichi. Let her make her own decisions."

Finally Gaara spoke again, in that flat, deadly tone he used so often on the battlefield. "It will not happen again." His voice sent icy chills into every part of Shikamaru's body. And the two poisoned blades were not helping.

"It will happen again. And it's a little late for you two to be cock-blocking for me."

Perfect. Just fucking perfect. Temari sounded pissed. Two heads jerked around to look at the newest arrival on Shikamaru's favorite hill, and the hostage himself just closed his eyes and prayed that neither of his captors lost their focus. Or slipped on their control.

"Temari-"

"Don't you 'Temari' me! Let him go. Both of you." For a few very long seconds, nothing moved except the breeze. Shikamaru's shallow breathing sped up, and he clenched his eyes shut tighter.

"Now." There was venom in her voice, and Kankuro's pressure on the knife faltered. Shikamaru exhaled at feeling some of the pressure disappear, but he didn't dare make any other movements with the other knife still aimed at his head and Gaara's sand still crushing him.

"Temari…you know we're just looking out for you."

Shikamaru almost flinched at the expression he could almost picture on her face when she answered. "I don't need you to look out for me. At least this lazy son of a bitch got that much right. I'm a grown woman, and if you think he's my first, then I've got some bad news."

Apparently her speech was making Gaara angrier, if the pressure of his sand was any indication. It got even tighter, forcing a strangled gasp out of Shikamaru. This time, he couldn't breathe back in. Damn woman…troublesome…

"Gaara! Let him breathe, dammit!"

Hesitantly, the sand loosened just as the edges of Shikamaru's vision were starting to darken. He still couldn't move his body, but he was able to suck in sweet, cool air.

"Temari, I do not approve of this."

"You don't have to! You used to scare me shitless, Gaara, and you may be the Kazekage. But if you hurt Shikamaru before I'm done with him, I swear I will never forgive you. I'm your big sister, not your damn daughter!" She shifted her glare to Kankuro, who at least had the decency to flinch. "Both of you! He's not 'using' me; I started it!" She grinned, though her eyes stayed steely. "And just so you know, he's the best lay I've had in a long fucking time. Screw that up for me, and I will never stop bitching."

"Geez, Temari! That was way too much-"

"Don't even say it, 'Heartbreaker'. As many of your exploits as I've had to listen to, you owe it to me to let him go. Besides," she added, "he's taking me out to dinner tonight, and you should be grateful since otherwise I'd be busy kicking your ass for walking in on us today."

I am? Troublesome woman.

"You didn't answer the door and then he suppressed his chakra. What was I supposed to think? I thought you were in trouble!"

"Inside the embassy? Bullshit. Now let him go."

Kankuro returned his attention to Shikamaru, scrutinizing every inch of his face. Shikamaru returned his stare evenly, until finally the puppeteer pulled the knife away and sent both blades back to their normal places inside his puppet. Shikamaru would have sagged in relief, except for the sand prison still holding him securely.

"Gaara."

Without a word, the sand began to melt away and flow back into the gourd on the Kazekage's back while its manipulator kept his eyes locked with Temari's. Once the sand was no longer supporting Shikamaru, he collapsed down to his hands and knees, breathing hard. Kankuro glanced between him and Temari once, then formed a seal and disappeared muttering something about 'if he's what you want, who am I to stand in the way.' Gaara walked over to Shikamaru and stood towering over him.

"Just to make sure we understand each other: You are my sister's plaything, for whatever reason. I will not interfere. However, if you hurt her, you will answer directly to me."

Shikamaru sat back on his heels and looked up to meet Gaara's cold green eyes. I have no intention of hurting her. "I'd say we understand each other."

A curt nod, then Gaara was gone. Temari came over and waited for him to stand up.

"'Let me worry about the Kazekage,' she says," he mocked in a high-pitched voice as he finally hauled himself to his feet.

She grinned. "It's okay. Their bark is worse than their bite, and you get to take me to dinner this evening!" She looped her arm through his, pointedly ignoring his "bullshit" expression.

Though, he supposed, taking her on a date wouldn't be so bad. After all, she was good company, and she wasn't exactly disgusting. A small smile worked its way onto his face.

End Flashback

"…you have an understanding," Genma repeated flatly.

Shikamaru chuckled dryly. "I'm not fucking their sister; their sister is fucking me."

Genma didn't say anything for a minute, then he dropped his head and started laughing silently. Shikamaru rolled his eyes.

Once he had managed to quell his laughter, he looked back up with a huge grin. "You're a lucky bastard, you know that Nara?"

Shikamaru looked over at Temari, who was still saying something to her brothers. His eyes slid down her generous curves. "I guess I am."

Gaara looked over at him suddenly and nodded toward the gate.

"Time to go. Catch you later."