Author's Note:

First of all I would like to say that I am a big fan of these fanfictions. Especially ones involving The Loud House. So this is my first time writing one of these, so I thought I'd do something based on 2 of my favorite Nickelodeon shows. But first, I would like to thank Mr. Animator's 'The Sponge House' and DarthFlores' 'Lincoln Orangeshirt' for the inspiration. I thought it would be fun to have a story based on the SpongeBob episode 'Battle of Bikini Bottom' but featuring Lola and Lana Loud. I would've been more than happy to wait for them to do their version of the story, but I thought the idea was way to good to lose so I decided to go for it myself. But if DarthFlores and Mr. Animator decide to do their own versions, I'll look forward to seeing them.

Also The Loud House characters and the SpongeBob stories belong to Nickelodeon

I own nothing.

Thank you and enjoy.

The story starts at the mall, where Lola and Lana are trying on shirts

"Where's your twin, Lola?" Lana asks

"Well, according to this T shirt, it says my twin is right here," Lola teases.

Lana jumps to the other side of Lola and asks "How about now?"

Lola flips upside down with the arrow pointing to Lana "Right by my side," she laughs "Wow, clothing that announces our feelings for each other. Let's get them, Lana."

Carol Pingrey comes by and asks "Can I help you girls?"

Lola claims "I believe you can. My twin and I would like to purchase..."

Lana starts crying

"Lana, why are you crying?" Lola asks.

Lana cries "You...found a new twin."

"Oh, what are you..." Lola questions as she sees his shirt point to Carol next to him and screams "Wait, no, this isn't what it looks like!" Lola then sees Dana come up behind Lana. "Lana, look out, behind you!"

Dana asks "Excuse me, but does this come in..."

"Noooo! You're not my twin!" Lana screams.

Lola claims "We've gotta ditch these outfits! They're sending out the wrong signals!"

The twins tear off their shirts (while still wearing their outfits underneath) and stomp on them; they soon get kicked out of the mall

"We need new outfits to show our best twinliness, Lans," Lola claims.

"You mean like those guys?" Lana asks as she points to people dressed up in red and blue uniforms.

"Yeah, just like those guys," Lola confirms "Outfits like these really make a statement."

"Look at these guys!" Lana says as they spot their father dressed in a red uniform.

"Wow! I like that one. Hey, Dad, where did you and your friends get your matching outfits?" Lola asks.

Lynn Sr. confirms "Oh, no, these aren't my friends. In fact, I hate almost everyone here, but my love for historical battles is so great, I join these losers every year to re-enact the battle of Royal Woods."

"There was a battle of Royal Woods?" Lola questions, which makes Lana and Lynn Sr. gasp in shock

"Well, duh, Lola. It's only the most significant event in Royal Woods history! A long time ago, the town was divided into 2 groups," as Lana is telling the story, a flashback shows a young woman washing her hands "Those who spent all their time washing their hands like softies…"

Colonial Lori looks at her hands an claims "Clean as a whistle!"

"…And those who had more important things to do with their time."

A Colonial version of Lana comes out of a bathroom with filthy handsThat looks good to me," she says.

"That is literally disgusting!" Colonial Lori complains.

"Oh, yeah?" Colonial Lana asks sternly.

Colonial Lori argues "You can't go around our town touching things with those filthy mitts!"

"Oh, yeah?!"

"Yes!"

Lana slaps her with a glove and they begin fighting; a battleground is shown, with one cannon being filled with filth, and the other with soap bars

Red Group claims "Wash your hands!"

Blue Group argues "Never!"

The battle begins with the groups firing at each other. Flashback ends

"And that's how we won our right to wash as we please." Lana says as she shows her filthy hands"

"Oh, that's not what happened" Lynn Sr. says disgusted and walks away

Lola asks "You don't wash your hands, Lana?!"

Lana answers "Never have, never will."

"Echhh!"

"Does that bother you, huh, Lola?"

There was a flashback that shows the twins at an ice cream parlor.

"They only had one ice cream cone." Lana says as she holds a scoop of ice cream in her bare hand.

"That's ok. Thank you, sis," Lola says as she licks it off Lana's hand.

Another flashback shows them eating at a restaurant. "So, anyway, I said..."

"Oh, wait. You've got something on your tongue," Lana observes.

"Really?"

"Here, I'll get it."

Lana grabs Lola's tongue and takes a piece of meat off it

"Thank you."

"Frankly, yes, Lana, that does bother me," Lola says disgusted.

"Well, then I guess we can't be twins anymore."

"What are you saying?"

"Ugh, do I have to spell it out for you?" Lana licks her hand and writes on a brick wall "U... R... huh... How do you spell "not my sister"?"

"Oh, come on, we can work this out. We'll start a new life, just you, me, and this can of disinfectant spray," Lola sprays all around her, making a spray house. "Come on in, Lana. Here, let me take your overalls for you," She takes off Lana's overalls, which reveals filth on her shirt

"No, thank you," Lana pulls Lola back toward her by the hand and takes back her overalls "I happen to like my various smells and germs."

Lola defends "But being clean is so much better."

"Well, says you. I like dirty."

"Clean!"

"Dirty!"

"Clean!"

Harold asks the twins "Excuse us, but we have a battle to re-enact."

"Fine, if that's how it is, then I am joining the other side!" Lola takes off Howard's red outfit and puts it on.

Lana tears off Harold's blue outfit "Fine, me too!"

Harold and the other adults walk away "Ah, come on! Let's go play somewhere else."

Then the twins began their own little battle. Lana was looking through binoculars, but Lola sneaks up on her and gets her cap.

"Ha! Got your hat!"

"Hey, give it back!"

"Not until you wash your hands!"

"Oh, yeah? Well I got your tiara!" Lana takes Lola's tiara and runs with it, but she soon sees that it is a bomb, which squirt water out. Lola puts on her spare tiara and laughs.

Later, Lana has a cannon and he blasts her pet snails at Lola like a cannonball.

"Eww, snail slime!" Lola screams.

"Thanks for the help Terrence." Lana's snails then slither away, "Do you give up yet?"

Lola wiped herself clean. "Sorry, Lana, but a filthy slob like you is no match for a clean-cut fellow like me."

"Your sash are falling down."

"Really?"

"I'll fix it." Lana stretches Lola's sash, filling it up with dirt, then yanks her sash over her head.

"Satisfied?" Lola asks sarcastically.

"There, you look good now."

"You could use a makeover, though. Ugh, look at those feet."

"Why, what's wrong with them?" Lana shows her feet and her shoes are filthy.

"Don't worry, I'll take care of it." Lola attacks Lana and starts doing a pedicure on her feet.

"No! Not a pedicure!" Lana screams "No, no, not that, anything but tha- Nail Polish?!" Lana's toenails and her sneakers are now clean and polished "You sick little monster, face my morning breath!"

Lana inhales deeply and then exhales foul breath, making Lola gag.

"You, miss, could use some dental hygiene!" Lola pulls out a toothbrush and toothpaste.

"Who, me? My teeth are fine, see?" Lana's teeth are shown to be nasty and decaying.

"A little toothpaste, and you'll have teeth like mine." Lola's pearly white teeth are all white and shiny. Lana screams and runs away, with Lola jumping on her and brushes her teeth "You gotta brush in little circles!"

Lana threw her sister off her back. And now her teeth were all clean. "Minty fresh! Taste pit, evildoer!" Lana's armpit hairs fly out to grab Lola and rub her on Lana's armpit, getting Lola's face very filthy.

"You're a stinky, stinky tomboy. I think you could use a shot of...this!" Lola takes out deodorant spray.

"No! No, not...not deodorant!"

Lola sprays the can. Lana screams and runs away, but the spray kills her hairs and the smell.

Lana laments "My beautiful pit stink, it's gone! The gloves are off now. It's booger time!"

"Oh, please! You wouldn't dare," Lola scoffs.

"Oh, yeah?"

Lana picks her nose, Lola screams and runs to Flip's Food n' Fuel, with Lana behind her and runs past Flip, Clyde and Lincoln "Run, everyone! Lana is digging for gold!" They run into the back room.

"Gold? Heehee!" Flip runs into the back room to find the gold, but comes out with nothing.

"Did you get any of Lana's "gold"?" Lincoln asks sarcastically.

Flip answers "She's not digging for any gold I'm looking for."

In the back room, the twins are standing face to face.

Lana confronts Lola "Ha! I got you now!"

"Careful, Lana, I got a weapon!" Lola grabs and throws the 2 onions at Lana's eyes

"Raw onions?!" Lana cries. Then she found something else to beat Lola at her own game. "That does it! See this?"

"A Princess Pie? What are you gonna do, eat it?"

"Oh, I'm not going to eat it." Lana takes off her shoes, pulls the pies apart and put them on her feet. Lola is horrified at the sight of this. "No, not pie socks!"

"That's right, your precious pies on my stinky feet!" Lana laughs as she starts stomping around.

"You better stop that!"

"Stinky, little feet!"

"You stop that right now!" Lola gets so mad that her face turns red and inflates angrily.

"Holy..." Lola blows up and sends Lana flying "...Moley!" Lana lands in a dumpster and gets out all dirty. "Hey, I got my filth back!"

"Not for long, Little Miss Sticky-Pants! You won't have your filth once I use this on you!" Lola comes out with a soap bar and puts it in a water blaster.

"No, not soap! You wouldn't dare!"

"Try me!"

Lana lifts up the trash can. "Stay back, I'll do it!"

"It's too late for that!" Lola fires the blaster and starts shooting soap bubbles out of it at Lana, while Lana throws the trashcan at Lola. The bubbles hit Lana, and Lola laughs in victory, only to have the trashcan fall on her.

Lana ends up entirely shiny and clean. "My beautiful filth! It's gone! I'm squeaky clean!"

Lola climbs out of the trash all filthy. "I'm covered in muck and scum!"

"Man, to get my filth back, I'll have to wallow in mud forever!"

"It'll take weeks for me to get clean. I'll need twenty baths a day!"

"Slather toe jam on my armpits?"

"I'll have to disinfect my tiara!"

"Smear slime on my teeth?"

"And dry-clean my princess gown!"

The twins think for a minute and then they giggle happily. "All right!" they say excitedly.

"Now that I'm filthy, I can spend all day getting clean."

"And since I'm clean, I can get even filthier! Thanks, Lola!"

"No, Lana, thank you."

They both shake hands and then hug. "You're the greatest sister I ever had!"

The kids turn around to see that Lynn Sr. is standing right behind them. "Hey, what's going on here? This battle isn't over until we have a winner."

Lola explains philosophically "Fret not, my friend, for I have learned the truth. It matters not whether one is dirty or clean, for can cleanliness exist without filthiness, and would we know filthiness without cleanliness? We must not re-enact the history that divides us, rather we must embrace that which draws us together. All must be free to choose their own path. Right, dear sister?"

"Squeaky clean, squeaky, it's squeaky." Lana rubs herself everywhere, making a squeaky sound.

"Mm-hmm, she has embraced the truth."

Lynn Sr. is surprised to hear this. "Wow! I think my little girl has taught us a valuable lesson."

Lola asks "And what is that, my father?"

"That re-enacting battles is really lame!" Lynn Sr. answers, "C'mon, guys, let's play something more manly, like football!"

"Or hockey!" Harold suggests.

Howard suggests "Or knitting fluffy sweaters!"

The three grownups run off as the twins walk into the sunset.

"Come, Lana, my work here is done."

"Right behind you Lols."

So as you can see, this is my first fanfiction/parody story. Feel free to review (but NO RUDE COMMENTS). I look forward to doing more of these, and they will be more than just SpongeBob re-enactments. Hope you all enjoyed, and until next time, so long everybody.