Hey, I'm back. This time with a JeanKasa one-shot lemon. This was my first time writing such a thing so it is not as good as some other lemons I have read. *Spoilers ahead*

This is basically after chapter 105, when our beloved potato girl dies when survey corps is going back to paradise island. I wanted to write a JeanSasha lemon or a drabble but JeanKasa still remains my OTP and I have no freaking idea why. But anyways, enjoy and do comment if you like it. My other story 'A different path' does not seem to be liked by many so I am trying my luck with one-shots and drabbles.

Disclaimer : All characters in this fic are property of Hajime Isayama

Jean's POV

The world is cruel but it is beautiful.

It never felt more true. It seems like yesterday when him and the chestnut haired ball of energy were working their ass off for a stupid and completely baseless cooking competition suggested by a drunk commander.

Although it was a silly event, it taught him more than anyone could imagine. He learned about two most important things in life. Things which remained after all the death and destruction around them. Things that shaped their lives and gave meaning to it.

Family and Friends

No matter how many lives you take or how many you save, it all loses meaning if you don't have anyone to share your meals with or hold you when life gets a little too hard. Some soldiers believe that feelings are a burden and you must destroy them to achieve greatness in this world but it is nothing more than bullshit. For him, nothing is more vile than to take the life of someone, whatever the cause may be.

People around him were rejoicing, celebrating their supposed win over the Marleyans but for him there was not a single reason to celebrate. Only thing they won was the blood that stained their hands. Just thinking about the civilian casualties makes him want to get up a smash the faces of all celebrating soldiers. They killed unarmed men, harmless women and innocent children for god's sake. What they did, made them no better than the ones they consider monsters. Even if they win this bloody war, there would only be sorrow and regret to look back at.

They say that only eight people died and it was one the best figures in all the scouting expeditions that they undertook.

It made his blood boil.

Those soldiers were people with thoughts, feelings, hopes and ambitions but now they are reduced to just numbers, a necessary sacrifice for the so called bigger cause. He understands that the only way to survive is fight but he has lost too much and it still doesn't feel like they have got any closer to ending this meaningless bloodshed.

A big part of him has been killed by his years of service in Recon Corps. A part of his humanity is lost every time he goes on a mission and in the dark times, his friends were the only light that picked him up and encouraged him to go further, believing that every mission is going to be his last and there will be no need for taking more lives. Even after 9 years, it remains an unattainable dream.

How much has his life changed since his pre-teen years ?

Jean enrolled in the military to live a pleasurable life inside the walls eating exotic varieties of meat, living in a comfortable home with a warm bed, getting drunk with his colleagues, catching petty thieves and not seeing a single titan in his entire life. A very tempting dream to be honest but it is nothing but a childhood fantasy now. With all the facts that have been revealed about the whole wide world outside the 3 walls, it is impossible to go back to the way things were before. Even if they win this war, the emotional scars that have been embedded into his heart will never heal, leaving their ugly mark on him.

This is not the first time that he has lost a comrade. In his field of work, death is the penalty for even a small mistake. He has lost comrades, Yes, but this time he has lost a very dear friend. A friend who has been with him since the last nine years. Connie was right, they may have lost fellow soldiers and were grateful for their sacrifice but 5 of them were special, they were his family. A bit dysfunctional, but a family nonetheless.

But an important member of his family has been brutally ripped away from him because of the stupidity and childishness of a young girl who didn't know any better. Initially, all he wanted was to throw the girl out of the blimp but when he looked into her eyes, he saw the same fire that he has seen a lot of times in someone else's. That made him realize that she is just a little girl who doesn't know the full story and was shown only one side of the coin. They were at fault this time, they were the invaders who killed mercilessly without a single thought. He tried, but he couldn't blame her for her actions.

And what was the point of further death ? It was completely unnecessary so he did what any soldier should do and put the children in military custody. Their fate will be decided by the court, not him. Too many lives have already been lost yesterday, he just doesn't have the heart to add more names to that list.

He can't forget the last words of their dear Potato girl

"Is supper ... ready ?" she choked out "Meat."

He wanted to laugh at her last words but only managed to choke out a sob, realizing that after this he won't be able to see the brunette walk around and plotting ways to steal food from kitchen, won't be able to see her and Connie being up to their antics making him laugh, won't be able to enjoy the meals that she cooked for them.

He waited till he got to his room before breaking down. In front of his comrades, he is a calm and composed soldier and crying is just a sign of weakness. He can't let them see his tears and his agony. But here, inside the confines of the four walls that surrounded him, is a bubble where he can finally let out his anguish, the pain that accompanied the loss of a loved one.

Painful sobs echoed throughout the room, muffled by the sound of rain that has been pouring outside ever since they got back from Marley. Beads of water hitting the stone walls of the caste, muffling his painful hiccups. It seems even the heavens are crying for his friend, the somber weather adding to his pile of grief. So engrossed in thoughts that he doesn't notice his door being opened and soft footsteps travelling towards him.

Only when he feels a pair of arms encircling him does he realize that he is not alone and there is someone who has seen him in such a fragile and pathetic condition. He doesn't need to look at the pair of soft and pale hands on his chest to realize who is holding him this embrace, the scent of lavender mixed with leather that wafts through the air is a dead giveaway. Her presence calms him down a bit but he still can't help the silent tears trickling down to his chin and onto the cold stone.

He doesn't want to feel so vulnerable, so exposed in front of her, so he tries to swallow the sobs and doesn't turn towards her.

"Jean." She whispers, light as a feather and if she wasn't standing so close to him, he might've missed it.

But he didn't reply. It was already taking a humongous effort to control the wave of emotions that was crashing against his heart. He is not like her, he is weak and afraid. He can't jump into suicidal situations and come out victorious like her. He can't take on a dozen of titans at a time and live to tell the tale, He most definitely, can't suffer so much pain and maintain that same expressionless facade that the girl behind him has mastered.

He is just a regular guy with no special power or purpose like the others. He just feels like a burden on everyone, someone who is only good for disappointing the ones around him. In retrospect, not much has changed since he joined the military.

She whispered his name again, this time a bit louder but he still refused to look at her and show her how weak and pathetic he is.

"I can't disappoint her just like I disappointed Sasha, like I disappointed Marco"

Mikasa's POV

When she went out of her room to take a walk, she didn't have a specific place that she had in mind, wandering aimlessly though the castle she was passing by Jean's room when a muffled sob managed to reach her ears. She froze, looking towards the close door and a few seconds later more heart wrenching cries emanated from the room, creating a sudden sense of despair and guilt in her heart.

Ever since Sasha's death, Eren, Armin, Connie and her have been openly mourning for the bubbly and cheerful girl with a legendary appetite. Sasha was a light in all this darkness, always making a fool out of herself and making them laugh even when the situation was grim. She was an irreplaceable part of their team and now, with her gone, whole team seemed to have fallen into a dark pit and this time even the usually upbeat Connie can't manage to put a cheerful front for his friends.

But none of them had heard or seen much of Jean in that time. They were so engrossed in their own grief that they failed to notice the brown haired boy quietly slip out of the blimp. Even though she didn't like Jean much in the beginning, her view of him has changed significantly in last few years. The boy with a cocky attitude has now transformed into a battle hardened man with a high moral compass. Something that many people lacked in these ruthless times.

She knows that the tough attitude of his is nothing but an act. It is expected of him, being the commander of his own squad and also second-in-command to Levi squad. His position is highly valued in the Recon corps and young soldiers looked up to him. But she feels that he is not the most suitable person for such a job. It is not because of him being weak, he is actually one of the most skilled soldier after her and Levi, nor is it because he is not smart enough for his position, but because he is compassionate. Overly so to the point that he is reluctant to take lives even when his life is in danger.

No sane person enjoys killing people but they do it because of their circumstances and to protect their loved ones and everyone can see that he is the most affected out of all of them. This characteristic is what attracted her towards him, because he is 100% human and values lives of others, even if the person is an enemy.

Sasha's death must have affected him tremendously but none of his friends bothered to check on him. The guilt gnaws at her as she looks at the wooden door of his room, no doubt he is blaming himself for her death even if he couldn't do a thing at that time.

In that second she decides that he doesn't deserve to be alone in such a condition and silently opens the door, finding him standing near the window with his back facing her. He seems to be unaware of her intrusion as he doesn't give any visible indication that he heard her coming in.

She watches sadly as his shoulders shake with every painful gasp. She walks towards him and encircles her arms around his chest, burying her head in his back. He smells of leather and soap with his natural scent mixed together, soothing her a bit. She feels him stiffen in her embrace, finally noticing that he is not alone in his room.

"Jean" she whispers to him. Hoping that he would look at her. Mourning is a painful process and having someone by your side helps to dull that pain a little. He is a kind and compassionate man but he doesn't let people see his true side and hides it with his harsh attitude. Mikasa is no fool and no one can understand better than her what it feels to hide behind a mask your whole life.

But her friends have slowly managed to break down her shell and gave more meaning to her life. Jean was the one who tried the hardest out of all her friends. He spent several hours talking to her when she didn't feel like being alone. He sat beside her without saying a word when she wanted peace, their silence being worth a thousand words. In rare moments, she told him about her past and her dream for the future and he listened carefully, hanging on to each word as if his life depended on it.

She loved Eren like her family and he still remains her top priority but he never treated her like she was the most important person in the world, that she holds his heart the way he held hers, that his world would collapse if something happens to her. She is his family and he loves her but she expected much more of him, more than what he was willing to give and she has finally accepted the fact that she will only be a sister to him.

But the brown haired man in her arms is different. He looks at her as if she is the only woman in the whole damn world. His eyes hold admiration and adoration in them whenever he looks at her. He blushes whenever she smiles at him, amusing her to no end. Initially, this used to annoy her but now she looks forward to his company, his comforting words and his tender gaze. It breaks her heart to see him in such a condition.

"Jean," she says, this time a bit louder but he still refuses to look at her.

She removes her arms and forcefully turns him towards her. He loses his balance a bit but regains it, staring at her with his melancholic gaze bringing tears to her own eyes.

She wipes his cheeks with her sleeves and in a rare moment of courage, stands on her tiptoes smashing his lips with hers. His reaction is as expected. His eyes widen and he is frozen in shock. What the hell was happening ? The girl of his dreams was kissing him. Him. Out of all the people.

He remains stupefied for a few seconds but when his brain finally managed to process what was happening, he kissed her back ferociously, taking only a few seconds to breathe in some required oxygen before attacking her soft pink lips again. He has dreamed of this moment for a decade, but had accepted that it will remain just that. A pleasantly sinful dream.

But now that it was happening for real, all his pent up emotions are poured into the kiss shocking the raven haired woman. She knew of his feelings for her, but she couldn't fathom the intensity of those feelings that translated into his aggressive kisses. Though, she was far from complaining. They both needed this, to drown their grief with passion and just for a moment, forget all that has happened, all that is happening around them and bathe in the affections of their partner.

He looks into her eyes and for the first time he can see some of his feelings reciprocated in those deep grey pools. She hurriedly unbuttons his shirt, almost ripping the last two when they were refusing to budge. When she managed to take it off, she couldn't help but admire his lithe physique.

From his broad shoulders, muscled chest, toned arms and towards his perfectly sculpted abs. He was beautiful and strong, but most of all, he was all hers. She ran her hands all over his torso, while her lips were busy raining kissed down in neck, making him shiver. She loved the power that she has over him, that she always had over him.

She reached his collarbone and bit him there, leaving a red mark, marking him as hers. Jean groaned at the act as well as what it signified. According to him, she didn't need to mark him. He will always belong to her, plain and simple, even if she refuses to acknowledge him after this moment is over. But he didn't let that thought linger on too much since he didn't want to think about the rejection that will surely follow after this. Right now, all his attention is diverted towards indulging the beautiful woman in front of him and forgetting the pain of losing their family.

Tired of her doing all the work, he took her hands and put them on his shoulders. He started taking her shirt off while he distracted her with his searing kisses, biting her lower lip. When he took off her shirt, he could see that the training has been quite rewarding for her. There was no a single ounce of fat there and her toned body is complimented by her perfect abs. Only thing covering her upper body is the black bra and it didn't take much time for him to unhook it, and throw it among the accumulating pile of clothes.

Mikasa shies away from his intense and searing gaze. This was the first time that someone has seen like this and she couldn't help but be insecure about her looks. In her eyes she was not the most prettiest or the most feminine girl in the military and her image as the second strongest soldier in the legion intimidated most of the men in the legion.

But for him, she is a goddess among humans who deserved much more than what life has gave her. Just seeing her standing there with that cute blush on her face is making him feel like he died and went to heaven. He didn't hesitate to run his hands along her sides with his warm hands, her gasps encouraged him to continue with his exploration. He kisses her cheeks, slowly making his way to her neck and sucking lightly near her collarbone making a similar mark on her.

Even if she minds it, she doesn't say. He continues until he reaches her nipple and without any further teasing, takes the hardened bud in his mouth. Her moans only get louder as he nips and bites it, gently massaging its twin with his left hand.

The new sensations are driving Mikasa crazy, never having experienced such pleasures. And it is just the beginning. He treats her body delicately, like a glass that would shatter if he touched her incorrectly, but at the same time exploring her skin as if he has been doing it his whole life, like his lips and his hands were made for complimenting her. She tries to be quiet, but few soft gasps and moans escapes her when he grazes his teeth on her hyper sensitive skin.

Finally satisfied, he moves further down, peppering kisses on her stomach until he reaches her pants. He looks at her, his eyes seeking her permission to go further and giving her an option to stop this, but stopping is the last thing on her mind and she unbuckles her belt. The indication is enough for him as he slowly removes it revealing more of her creamy pale skin to his hungry eyes.

She is only clad in her panties now, the moonlight giving her an ethereal glow and he is stunned by it. She truly is an angel and he is a lucky bastard who gets to see her like this. Not wasting more time, his lips attack her with a vengeance and this time Mikasa too is not holding back.

They both don't know when they got on the bed with Mikasa straddling him but both are consumed by desire, forgetting about all their sorrow, pain and loss. Outside world doesn't exist for them and only thing that matters is here and now. She returns the favour and removes his pants leaving them both only in their underwear.

His arousal is clearly visible, making a tent in his boxers. Mikasa feels like they have waited enough and removes his boxers, revealing him in his complete naked glory. He is perfect. His half lidded gaze combined with the view that she is enjoying is enough to dissolve all her inhibitions about her actions. She peels away her own underwear and straddles him again. Her lips descend on him again, her tongue slipping inside his mouth,

Both of them gasp, feeling each others' sexes rub against one another without any piece of fabric separating them. Jean lets her take the lead since he doesn't have much experience in intimacy, all his life being devoted to one girl who didn't look towards him for the initial six years. Also, he doesn't want to force her into anything that she doesn't want. He can wait a few more years, rather than becoming her regret in the present.

His self control is being tested to its absolute maximum limit as he stops himself from grabbing her sides and impaling her on his member. He grips the sheets hard and she aligns him to her entrance, her wet and inviting walls engulfing the head of his members. He groans loudly at the feeling. God, he has never felt so good and he only wants more of it but one look at her face reveals that is taking a lot of effort on her part to adjust to him. He is far from being small after all.

She puts both her hands on his chest and he instinctively places his hands on her sides as she pushes more of him inside her, her painful gasps are drowning the pleasure as he doesn't want anything more than to ease her pain. He puts his right hand on her cheek, caressing it. She looks into his eyes and sees more than just lust and sorrow in them. It has been a long time since she saw something more that despair and sorrow in his hazel eyes. The love shimmering in them encourages her to slip more of him inside her until she finally reached the hilt.

Jean lets out a loud moan as her womanhood completely engulf his member.

"Oh God, Mikasa," Jean whispers in extreme pleasure," you're so tight."

She is so warm and wet and he feels himself losing every bit of his sanity. She rises up again and brings herself down again, this time the pain is replaced by pleasure and she develops a steady pace. He leans forward, occupying her lips with his with every now and then whispering sweet words in her ear.

He had heard from other men in the legion, when they were drunk about how pleasurable sex is but before this he couldn't even imagine how heavenly it feels. The feeling is amplified since his partner is not just a random stranger, but the girl whom he is hopelessly in love with.

"Je-.. Jean," she pants while bouncing on his lap, completely unaware about the outside world. Only thing that matters now is reaching that sweet oblivion that follows this beautiful act.

After a few minutes Mikasa feels something building inside her. It is a feeling indescribable by words. The pleasure builds up and up until it crashes down on her, sending her heartbeat into a frenzy. She screams as her orgasm rips through her, sending pleasurable jolts through her entire body. She feels that her heart would explore out of her chest, as she lays panting on his chest trying to regain her breath. He kisses her forehead.

Jean lays there captivated by the beautiful creature on top of him. Although, he is far from finished, the elated expression on her face stops him from going further for the time being, letting her bathe in the afterglow of her climax. Once she has got her breathing under control, she realizes that he is still hard inside her.

"You didn't finish. Did you ?" A rhetorical question.

Jean kisses her, this one different from before. It was slow and sweet, all his passion translated through it but Mikasa feels determined to not stop until her lover is completely satisfied. She kisses back, slowly increasing in aggressiveness. She teasing him, running her hands through his sides and abdomen, making him hiss in pleasure. Removing her lips from his, she peppers sweet kisses down his throat and collarbone.

Jean is steadily losing control, and knows that her teasing is intentional. She rolls her hips and the wet friction on his member is the last straw. His patience slips and he flips them over. This time she is the one laying on her back. The burning intensity in his eyes promise a lasting fulfillment as he moves inside her making her whimper his name.

Jean thrusts at a steady pace as his member is already lubricated by her juices, making it easier to increase his tempo.

" Jean... ahhh," she moans out. This position being even more pleasurable than the last one.

Her moans give him confidence to increase his pace and the effect is instantaneous. Her hands claw at his back, no doubt leaving numerous scratches but neither of them care at the moment. Being a soldier has its perks for Jean as he can continue this for a long period with minimum complaint from his muscles.

" Faste-..faster Jean," she breathed out and it was all the encouraging he needed as he put his hands on either side of her head and started thrusting into her with a frenzied pace with deep and over-powering strokes. Mikasa was in heaven. She decided then and there that he will be the one to be on top in their future escapades like this, not realizing that she already had made plans that there will be a next time. Both lovers are drenched in sweat as they finally get closer to their climax.

"Mikasa... I'm about to -" He didn't need to finish. She knew what he meant and as he was about to remove his member from inside of her, her legs wrapped around his hips, making it impossible for him to pull out. Seeing that she wouldn't budge he resumed his steadfast pace. With a few final strokes they both scream out each other's name as they enter blissful oblivion.

Jean catches himself before he crushes her with his body but his legs are still wobbly from the powerful climax. She can feel every muscle of her lover pressed to her soft one and she sighs with contentment. Both lovers have never felt more satisfied than they felt at this moment, basking in the afterglow of their love-making.

He flips them again until he is laying on his back with Mikasa's head resting on his chest, both of them unsure of what the future holds for them but this moment feels just right. Neither one of them wants to remember the past or think about the future. Right now is where they were supposed to be and it was only a matter of time. It is truly sad that the death of their dear friends is what finally gave them the push to cross the line that separates friend from lover but a small part of them is also thankful as now both of them have got all the more reason to survive and make sure that none of their other friends die in this senseless war.

The next day when Jean is asked to give a speech for his fallen friend, he doesn't think that he can go through with it but her fingers interlinked with his own give him the strength to continue and speak about their lovely potato girl, some of the incidents even making the audience smile despite the somber mood. That's just how Sasha was, making people laugh even when she is not with them.

The world is cruel but it is also beautiful

And that's all. I hope you liked it. This one took a bit more time because of my semester exams in May. Also, I hope you checkout my other story on SNK (More like a re-write).

I was thinking of discontinuing that one since it didn't receive many reviews or positive feedbacks but if I get the indication that people are liking it then I may continue writing that one.

Until next time