A/N: ** Spoiler for Season 9 Finale ** How I imagine Hetty would react after witnessing the final events of the ill fated mission. This is intended as a one off but if anyone wants me to continue, please review and let me know although I'm aware that others are writing a continuance to the finale.

Have I Lost Him Forever?

Hetty stood with Nell and Eric watching the action being transmitted to them via mini cameras worn by the team and listened to the shouts of urgency through the comms as they anxiously awaited the outcome of the off-the-books mission in Mexico which appeared to be in danger of going seriously wrong.

Kensi and Deeks had delivered Derrick into the arms of his mother, EAD Shay Mosley, who was waiting in the helicopter at the primary evacuation site to take him home. They then raced back to rescue Callen and Sam who had laid down covering fire allowing Kensi to escape with Derrick. Callen and Sam subsequently escaped the ranch on horseback and had met up with the SUV Kensi was driving. Hetty breathed a sigh of relief and muttered 'Thank God' when she heard over the comms that Callen and Sam were safe and had been picked up with the team driving frantically to the secondary evacuation site.

As they rounded a bend on the dirt track, they discovered their path was blocked by the General and his men. As Kensi kicked the SUV into reverse in an attempt to get away, Callen, Sam and Deeks all shouted warnings as they recognised what the General's men had aimed at them. The shouts of urgency as well as a shouted warning of "incoming" from Sam were heard by those in the Ops Centre followed by an explosion. The screen went blank only displaying a signal lost notification.

Nell and Eric both gasped and looked shocked. They frantically called out each team member's name in turn. No one answered. The comms link was silent.

Hetty's eyes widened in horror and she closed her eyes in an attempt to hide the tears that were forming. She could not believe what she had just witnessed. She felt an overwhelming feeling of dread and Hetty staggered out of the Ops Centre to the sounds of Eric and Nell desperately trying to raise the team.

Hetty made her way to Mosley's office and collapsed down on the couch, her legs no longer able to hold her or take her any further. She sat with her head in her hands trying to erase the image that was burnt in her mind's eye. Had she just witnessed the deaths of her agents? Each one of them was special to her but there was one whom meant more to her than life itself and that was Callen, the unruly lad she had taken into her home and heart all those years ago, who had grown into a fine man and excellent agent. He was an intricate part of Hetty's life but no one fully knew or understood their relationship although a few had an idea. Mosley, the person ultimately responsible for this disaster, was one of those who knew because Hetty had told her when Mosley was trying to justify her reasoning behind sending the team on the mission. Mosley had said that Hetty would not understand because she was doing this for her son, to get him back after he was abducted by his father, Spencer Williams five years previously. Hetty had told her that on the contrary she understood only too well as Callen was the closest she would ever have to a son. Mosley appeared genuinely shocked at the admission.

Tears of grief were streaming down Hetty's face and her heart was breaking. She could not bring herself to believe that he was gone but her eyes did not deceive her. The SUV had been hit by rockets fired from rocket launchers. How could anyone survive an attack such as that? If he were gone, how could she continue to work at NCIS let alone with the person responsible for the ill-fated mission and therefore his death?

When Hetty was in Vietnam, held hostage and being ransomed to the highest bidder, it was the belief that her boy was actively searching for her and that he would not rest until he did which kept her hopes alive. Taking a little comfort from that memory Hetty wiped the tears from her face and took out a handkerchief and blew her nose. She sat up straight on the couch and a look of determination came over her face. Until she received definite proof that Callen was dead, she would repay his trust in her and fight to get him, and his team mates, back. She owed him much more, but she at least she could continue to have hope that he, and hopefully the others, had survived. She stood up, run her fingers over her hair and straightened her jacket. She had things to do and no amount of moping would bring about a result. As she prepared to go back to work, Hetty made a vow to herself that she would not rest until she found Callen or his body.