Personal Business

Season 7 Episode 8

First, I just wanted to thank all of you for reading In Case You Didn't Know. The support I have felt from all of you reading my fan fic has been awesome. Thanks so much for your kind reviews. I read each and every one of them. They mean the world to me. I am going to continue that story updating chapters as inspiration hits me. However, right now I am going to change gears for a bit. I have this episode in my head. I loved it! Some parts of it made me so mad and others so happy. I will of course italicize all dialogue that's from the actual episode. I will be focusing on their internal emotions and outward emotions as well. But I will probably deviate from the storyline to capture what I would have loved to see happen. So it ends in alternate reality. I do believe this will also be a multi chapter fic.

I don't own Blue Bloods or the characters, I just find inspiration in them to write.

Hope you enjoy!

Jamko…Jamko…Jamko…Jamko

Eddie walked towards Jamie's door. She did not know what she was doing here. She didn't really want to apologize to Jamie for telling him that she would not take Tara in. Why should she? Just because he found her attractive? She wasn't stupid. And she wasn't blind. She knew he found her hot. And she was dying! Dying of jealousy. Because what if? What if she was the one for Jamie? What if he decided to ask her out? What if she took him away from her? UGH! This whole jealousy thing was not her thing. Eddie did not get jealous. But here she was – green with jealousy and ready to apologize for something she felt in her gut was wrong.

Her overall insecurity made her decide to come to his apartment. To apologize. For doing nothing wrong by the way. So they could get back to normal. Eddie secretly hoped that she and Jamie being on the same page and on the same team again would somehow make Jamie realize that he did not want to ask Tara out. It would kill her. Literally break her heart into a million pieces and then she'd have to pretend that she wasn't heartbroken at least in front of him. Because well they were partners and friends but nothing more. How the fuck do you pull that off?

Mmmmm…fuck it. She told herself walking away from his door and not knocking. She wasn't going to humiliate herself. Then she stopped again and went to his door quickly before she chickened out. Knock. Knock. Knock.

She heard Jamie open the door. "Hey." Jamie said as he looked at her. What was she doing here? Any other day – literally any – he would be over the moon to see her at his door. But tonight? Shit…just not tonight.

"Hey." Eddie replied back as she pushed past him towards the apartment. Had he just tried to block her into going to the apartment? No. She thought. Why would he? She was just being paranoid.

"What's going on?" Jamie asked as he followed her into the apartment closing the door behind him.

Alarm bells went off in Jamie's head. He had not expected her and as she stood there before him, the look of concern on his face said it all. He hoped that he had his poker face on because Eddie could read him remarkably well. He looked above her head and past her and silently prayed to God that the guest he had in the house would not make an appearance. He just did not want to deal with it. He knew he fucked up but what could he do?

"Ah…" Eddie started and he focused on her once more. "I gotta apologize. You were just trying to help that girl and you know I didn't feel comfortable taking her in." Eddie wasn't going to admit to him that she thought there was more – on his side – in trying to help that girl.

"I get it. It's no big deal." Jamie said, hoping that this ended the conversation so he could get her out of here quickly. No offer of having a beer today or ordering take out. Jamie just needed her to leave. He would see her tomorrow and things would be as they should.

"Yeah…" Eddie said, a bit quizzically. She knew he would not give her a hard time. But he just seemed…off somehow. And she couldn't pin point why.

"Yeah. I got it covered." He stated finalizing the conversation.

"Hey Jamie…mind if I grab a towel…" Tara spoke out as she made her appearance in front of the two of them.

And there it was. They why he seemed off. Daggers to the heart. Tara was in Jamie's apartment.

Good Lord. Jamie thought. I am in deep shit with Eddie. Why did she have to make her appearance just now? He probably could have gotten Eddie out of there in two more minutes – even less. Now the gig was up and Eddie was going to know that he lied to her to protect Tara. Or was it to protect himself?

"Hey Officer Jenko…" Tara called out to her. Like if nothing was amiss. Like Tara had not just taken her heart and pulled it out of her chest and stomped on it. Well that had been Jamie truth be told.

"Hey Tara." Eddie started, turning to look at Jamie with a look of disbelief in her eyes. She tried to pull herself together and said: "Fancy meeting you here."

Jamie literally did not know what to do. The look on his face betrayed nothing. He pursed his lips and held his hands in his pockets. What had he done? He asked himself for like the thousandth time this evening. He turned to look at Tara as she responded: "Yeah Jamie invited me to crash here for a little while." All Jamie could think of right now was saying out loud: Tara please shut up. Please shut up. Please shut the fuck up. But he remained quiet and just looked at both women standing directly in front of him.

Eddie could not control her facial expressions. Not when her heart felt like it was being trampled. Not when she felt like such a fool for wanting to fix things with Jamie. When it seemed that all he wanted was to cater to Tara. And whatever she thought meant nothing to him. She found herself almost whispering: "Oh…"

Jamie took a small step forward towards Eddie and he felt Eddie move back. "Just until she finds her own place." He spoke out. Would that help? Probably not. She had literally stepped back to put more distance between them.

Tara smiled at both Eddie and Jamie and exclaimed: "Isn't he awesome?" Oh Good God. Please stop talking, Jamie thought. He was going to hear about this forever. He just knew it. He wasn't afraid of Eddie not wanting to ride with him anymore and not be partners. But he knew that this issue was going to hang over them for a while. And he was not looking forward to that. Maybe you should have just kept your mouth shut dumbass and let Tara go to a shelter. He inwardly berated himself.

Eddie scoffed at Tara calling Jamie awesome and laughed. Jamie knew that laugh was not because she was agreeing with Tara. No. That laugh was because she was trying to hide something – what? Her disgust of him? Her anger at him? Her feelings of knowing he had betrayed her? All of the above?

"Hahahaha. He is awesome…" he heard Eddie reply then turn to Tara: "But don't you need to be in Manhattan? And last time I checked this was Brooklyn Heights?" Eddie pointed out.

"Oh I can make it work for a few days." Tara exclaimed looking at Eddie. Jamie smiled at her and nodded his head imperceptibly. He knew he was going to pay for this one. And quite frankly he might deserve it.

"I'm gonna grab a shower. It was great to see you." Tara offered as she pointed to the bathroom. Eddie almost flinched as she heard Tara. That was a huge slap in the face. It was like she was making herself right at home here with Jamie - in his apartment - in Brooklyn Heights. Like if she never intended to move out. "Ha ha ha hmmm…" Eddie expressed not saying a word because honestly she didn't know what to say. She just wanted to get out of Jamie's apartment as soon as she could. She was a fucking fool.

He turned to see Jamie and realized that he was staring at her intently. That only pissed her off even more. There was nothing – nothing – which he could say to her right now that would make this pain go away. That would make this situation better. That would make her forgive him.

Jamie saw her start to walk towards the door and his eyes followed her wistfully. He knew she was pissed. He knew that. But she also looked hurt. She was trying to hide it but he could see it – in her demeanor. In the way she wouldn't even look at him right as she was walking away from him. It seemed like she wanted out of his apartment as fast as she could and never look back.

"Well…hmm…look at that? I came over to apologize for leaving Tara hanging and it looks like she landed on her feet." Eddie finished, finally meeting his stare. Daring him to say something.

He tried to diminish this. "It's no big deal Eddie." He hoped that she believed him because it was the truth. The absolute truth. There was nothing going on with Tara nor would there ever be. Quite frankly he couldn't remember the last time he thought of another woman that was not Eddie.

"Oh no…it kind of is. And it's also very unprofessional." Eddie said to him steam coming out of her ears almost and her eyes were locked on him so intently that he could feel her anger. But Eddie was going to make this about work? Really? Work? Okay. "Hey there's no regulation against me helping somebody out on my own time." Two can play at this game.

"Helping her or helping you?" Eddie stammered out not being able to help herself.

"What's that supposed to mean?" He retorted right back. Did she really think that? After everything?

"It mean that if we would have found a smelly old homeless dude in that garage do you really think he'd be freshening up in your bathroom right now?" She pointed out wanting him to contradict her so she could ram whatever he was about to spew right up his ass.

"You seriously think I would do something like that?" He questioned her instead. Jamie was starting to get hurt over her accusations. And pissed off…yep. He was starting to get pissed himself. Didn't she know him at all?

"No…of course not. I'm sorry. I forgot…you're awesome." Eddie retorted sarcastically and didn't even wait for a reply from Jamie. She made herself turn around and head towards the door. It seemed so far away but she was moving towards it. She wanted nothing to do with Jamie right now.

Jamie saw her walk away and wanted to call her back. He didn't want to leave things like this between them. He couldn't. But he didn't know what to say. He didn't have the words. He let her walk away and leaned against the wall defeated. He didn't know how to fix this. He didn't fucking know why he wanted to fix this. Yes you do you moron. Yes you do. You just can't do anything about it.

Jamko…Jamko….Jamko….Jamko

Four hours later that night…

Jamie looked at his phone for what seemed like the hundredth time in the span of four hours. He had caved about two hours ago and sent her a text: "Are you up?"

No immediate response as was her norm. Eddie was the type of individual that responded promptly at all times. He looked at his phone and saw that Eddie had read it. She had the read receipt on in her settings for her IPhone. Jamie text again: "We need to talk."

Again no response. She was making this difficult. And it just confirmed that he was in the dog house. But how could he fix things with her if she didn't call him or text him back? God he needed to fix things with her. He would not be able to sleep at all tonight if she didn't respond to him.

Jamie hated when she was mad at him. And it had been a while since they had argued or disagreed on something. Why did he take Tara in? He wasn't going to lie – Tara was beautiful but he did not do it for that. He really didn't. He found women attractive aside from Eddie. But why did he invite her to stay with him? He had no intention of sleeping with her or dating her or even asking her out for a meal. But it seemed that Eddie thought that. She started making this fight an issue about work but he knew better. She was hiding her hurt feelings over this. Pretending she was concerned about protocol? He called bullshit on that. He just couldn't call bullshit to her face because she fucking wasn't responding back to him.

Had he done it to sabotage whatever it was they were inching towards? Maybe. Did he recognize that his feelings for Eddie had grown and this was how he put the brakes? Did he use Tara to have Eddie put some distance between them? Probably. But the harsh reality was that once he had offered his home to Tara he immediately regretted it. And once Eddie found out? He had wanted to take his impulsive action back more than ever. That's why he tried to hide it from her. He could have told her after shift as they said their goodbyes that he had decided to take her in. But he didn't. Because after he had made his gesture to Tara he didn't want Eddie to find out. No matter what he told himself at the beginning. Jamie realized he didn't want to stop whatever it was that was happening. Jamie knew he went back and forth on telling her what he felt for her. He also realized that the one thing he could not do was hurt her. Yet it had happened anyway. He got up from the sofa and started pacing.

Didn't Eddie know how he felt about her? God he sometimes felt that it was so obvious he carried it around on his sleeve. He didn't understand why he held lingering feelings for Eddie. He knew that they decided to stay partners and not pursue anything between them. But he had not done anything aside from hang out with her and maybe go on a couple dates that meant nothing. Bringing another women into his home? He now realized was crossing the line. If he wanted to lose whatever they had built, this was the way to do it. There shouldn't be a line. Yet there was. Because he knew he crossed it. And he didn't know if they were going to be able to come back from this.

"Come on Eddie." He whispered to himself as he started to feel anxious. "Please. Come on."

He looked at his phone again but it remained silent.

Jamko…Jamko…Jamko…Jamko

Eddie heard her phone chime and knew it was Jamie. Who else would it be at that hour? Sandwich guy like Jamie liked to call him? Nope. They had gone out, spent the night together but that was it. She didn't have any intention of pursuing anything with Josh but have some fun. Sad truth: he was not Jamie. "You up?" was what the text said. Fuck you Jamie. She was not answering. She wiped away her tears for about the tenth time tonight.

Eddie had barely made it out the door of Jamie's apartment before her tears started flowing. Her fears and her paranoia apparently were warranted. Tara was in Jamie's apartment living with him. They would spend the whole night together and all the time that Jamie was not at work. They would talk. They would bond. They would laugh. The things she and Jamie did with the exception of spending the night and living together. Tara was going to do them with Jamie.

What would Jamie need her for aside from being her partner? "We need to talk." The next text said. Yeah? Well not according to her. There was nothing to be said. He had gone ahead and put Tara up and didn't even tell her. He had kept something from her that was big. That could potentially get them both in trouble at work. It's true that this was a work concern but more than anything it was personal for her. But she would rather die than admit it to Jamie at this point. What for? He wasn't interested in her. She had thought for a nanosecond that maybe he still harbored feelings for her but after this? Nah. He chose to help Tara and keep it from her because she would be against it. He had chosen Tara. Someone other than her.

She thought about how people always said that hope was the last thing to die. And she had been holding on to the hope that Jamie would change his mind. She had no qualms about pursuing something but she couldn't voice that to him for fear of having him distance himself or end their partnership and friendship. It was clear to her that Jamie didn't feel the same way about her. And she started crying all over again. But she could at least have him as a partner and as her friend. But right now she just couldn't see him or talk to him. She wanted to respond to him. To tell them that she knew they had to talk and to clear the air. But she didn't think that she could do that without being a blubbering idiot and admit to him exactly how she felt. Why she was so devastated. Why Tara's presence in his apartment had rattled her so much.

Tomorrow was another day and she would take tonight to cry and mourn and then accept – as she had for the past few years – that they were only partners and that they had no romantic future. She would be okay to talk to him tomorrow if he brought it up. She would not. She was leaving it alone. She knew better than to think he would not comment on it at some point on their tour. But she would wait until tomorrow. She looked at her phone and put it on her night stand and hoped that he would give up texting her. She didn't know how strong she would be if he kept on insisting they should talk.

Jamko…Jamko…Jamko…Jamko

The following morning…

Jamie walked into the 12th precinct earlier than normal hoping that he could see Eddie maybe before getting into the squad car. He had slept maybe about an hour tops. He had tossed and turned. When he left the apartment he didn't even check to see if Tara was up or if she needed anything. He had given her the key to his apartment. However, one of the things that was clear to Jamie was that she needed to be out of there – sooner rather than later. This rift with Eddie – he couldn't take it much longer and it hadn't been 24 hours.

He saw when Eddie walked into the precinct. Their eyes locked and Eddie held his gaze for about a second before lowering her head and going into the locker room. Yep. This was going to be a long day. He would have her next to him in the next few minutes and there was no escaping him then. Eddie thought that she could avoid him? Not for long. They were going to talk about this whether she wanted to or not.

He couldn't even admit to himself how hurt he was that his texts had gone unanswered. Even when they were apart their texts were almost nonstop. They communicated constantly. He found he missed it. She didn't even text him this morning telling him she was on her way to the precinct.

Jamie made his way to the RMP and got behind the wheel. A few minutes later she walked up to the car and opened her door. She sat down, buckled her seat belt and said nothing.

"Good morning." Jamie said.

"Morning." She repeated not once glancing in his direction.

Jamie shook his head, turned the RMP on and started driving. He stole glances at her for a few minutes. He didn't just want to ambush her but he couldn't take her not talking. He was so used to her chatter that the silence unnerved him.

"Are we going to talk about this or what?" Jamie found himself asking. He couldn't take it anymore. If she wanted to yell and scream at him he would let her. It was better than having her not utter a word to him.

"I'm gonna go with or what…" Eddie replied.

Good God. Not on his watch. "I'm helping someone in trouble there's nothing wrong with that." Jamie pointed out.

"Okay…let's say the bosses find out that you took this girl in after meeting her on the job after we tossed her for trespassing you don't think that they'd question your judgment?" Eddie questioned.

"No one is going to find out Eddie." Jamie said. And she was still making this about fucking work.

"What if something happened to Tara? It's possible given the crazy risks she takes. If it came out she was staying with you – you could get jammed up."

Jamie exhaled a breath because the next words out of his mouth were true but Eddie wasn't going to like them. But – at his core – it was who he was. "That's a chance I'm willing to take." And it wasn't because he wanted her. He just didn't want to see her out on the street or in a shelter that was just as bad as the streets. He was just helping someone out. It happened to be a woman. Fuck! At that moment he heard Eddie scoff mildly.

"What?" He said annoyed as he saw Eddie roll her eyes and half smile sarcastically.

"Isn't Jamie awesome…" he heard Eddie mockingly say as she once again rolled her eyes.

That was it. He had heard her mock him last night and granted it was ludicrous the word awesome out of Tara's mouth but dammit – he was done with this fight and especially having it be about work. They were circumventing the issue. "You know? What is with you? You're acting like your jealous or something."

"Oh hohhhh please, don't flatter yourself. I'm trying to keep you from screwing up your career…and mine." She said, sardonically.

"Yeah? So this is all about work? You're pissed at me because I am jamming up my career and yours? It has nothing to do with the fact that as you pointed out she was not a stinky homeless dude? Which by the way, I would want to help out as well.

"Right." She said, dryly as she continued to look forward. Eddie could not stomach to look at him right now. She couldn't. She would probably start balling her eyes out.

He breathed deeply and calmed down a bit. "I sent you several texts last night."

"Yep."

"I wanted to talk about this."

"Uh huh."

"Come on Eddie. Talk to me. Is it really that bad? I told you it was no big deal. And it's not."

"Okay." She was not giving him the satisfaction of goading her again into fighting with him and making her talk.

Jamie briefly closed his eyes and exhaled one more time. There was no dealing with her right now. Maybe it would be better if they just rode in silence for a while.

Jamko…Jamko…Jamko…Jamko

After getting about three calls that they had handled rather quickly it was close to lunch time. He was going to try once again. The only words that were exchanged between them since this morning and now were when they were taking care of the calls received. That's when her demeanor changed and she focused on having his back. He was grateful for that because no matter how aggravated he was, her safety was always his number one concern. He was glad to see that was reciprocated.

"Want to grab a bite to eat?" he asked. "It's almost noon."

"Whatever you want Reagan." Eddie said. For the first in her life really not hungry.

Jamie closed his eyes. "How about a hotdog?"

"Sure." She shrugged.

Jamie nodded his head sadly and headed to their favorite hotdog truck. He parked and turned to her. "Come on."

She nodded her head in return and opened her passenger door. As was Jamie's custom he waited for her to reach his side so they could walk side by side. He noticed that she was walking with him but she was further away than she normally was. They reached the truck and were greeted with enthusiasm. "Jamie and Eddie! So nice to see you guys today. Your usual?"

"Yes." Jamie said.

"I'll just have an iced tea today." Eddie quickly followed.

"What?" Both of them questioned at the same time.

"Not that hungry today. But you do have the best iced tea. So make it an extra-large." She half smiled sadly.

"Eddie…" Jaime said, turning back and muttering. "Make it two."

"Okay."

Jamie found himself saying this without thinking and without hesitation: "Eddie I'm going to fix this okay? I will find another way to help her without her being at the apartment past tonight. I promise you. I will fix this."

Eddie looked at him sadly. "You don't have to do anything for me Reagan. Do what you want."

He reached out and touched her arm. Partly because he needed to touch her and partly because he wanted her to look at him. She didn't flinch away and looked up into his eyes. "I'm sorry." He said. "I should have never kept this from you."

She nodded as she felt tears form in her eyes. She immediately turned away from him and went back to the truck. "Drinks ready yet?"

She went into her jacket pocket but Jamie was right next to her handing him a 20. "I got this."

"Thanks."

She sat on the nearest bench and made her way to the far end instead of the middle how she normally did. She always sat in the middle because she liked being close to Jamie.

He followed her and sat in the middle. She had to half smile at that. "I hope you know that I really just wanted to help." Jamie said.

"I know" Eddie stated. Even though her heart was thinking differently. "It's who you are Reagan right? Above and beyond the call of duty. I know that Tara will appreciate it."

Jamie looked at his phone and started typing. Eddie just shrugged her shoulders. They had time for him to search the web. It's not like they were eating and they were on break. All of a sudden he put his phone to his ear. "Yes. With Camilla please?"

Eddie turned to look at him. Who the hell was Camilla?

"Hello. My name is Jamie Reagan and I am an officer with the NYPD. Do you employ a girl by the name of Tara?"

What was he doing?

"Would you say she's a good assistant? No. No. No. Tara is not looking for another job. But she is in a bit of a predicament. She happens to be homeless and I was wondering if you knew of anyone that could assist her?"

Wow. Was Jamie really doing this? What was he thinking?

"I'm just a concerned officer and hope that you find it in your purview to maybe help her out while she gets on her feet. Yes? That's great. We can meet at the 12th precinct. And the three of us can discuss at the end of my shift. Can we say about 5:15? Thank you."

"What are you doing?" Eddie asked immediately after he hung up. "You're kicking her out?"

"I'm offering her a viable alternative."

Eddie finally smiled at him genuinely. "Really?"

"Yes."

"Okay." Eddie said, not breaking eye contact.

"It was never about her and if she was attractive or not Eddie. I never had any intention of asking her out or pursuing anything. I truly just wanted to help her. I didn't even think it through."

"Would you really have offered your place to a stinky homeless dude?" she said. When he just looked at her and didn't answer she smiled. "Yeah. You probably would."

"You know me." Jamie said.

"I do."

"Come on Jenko." Jamie said, using her last name as she had been using his all day. "We gotta get back to work."

Jamko…Jamko…Jamko…Jamko