AN: I am so sorry for the long wait. Thank you for being so patient. Real life got in the way. My mom was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease and diabetes, so we've been trying to make this small house and stuff work. I don't have the free time I used to, so expect sporadic updates until our living conditions get settled and we fall into a stable routine.

Thank to you all the reviewers, to all those who favorited/followed this story. Just know that I receive every email and I love them all. God bless you all and thanks again.

Now, let's get on with the story shall we?

Story is unbetaed. All mistakes are mine.

It had been a hard several months. For all of them, but no one more so than for Leroy Jethro Gibbs.
He had retired, effective immediately, even before the trial of Ziva David had begun.

Her trial was now being followed by the world due to an unfortunate Probie who let loose a few secrets unwittingly to an undercover reporter. It hadn't taken long for the reporter to uncover what was going on with the alphabet agencies. Tony would not be impressed that they managed to get NCIS on the 6 o'clock news at last. Not at his expense.

That Probie was systematically made an example of and let go of from the agency as soon as they knew who it had been. His name was now taboo in the office these days. After, his name became a sort of curse. "You don't want to get Blackwalled do you?" was heard in hushed conversations. And so the story of the unfortunate Probie stuck around for a long time afterwards.

But Gibbs didn't care about any of that. He seldom left his basement these days, and there was always a small glass of whiskey by his side. He didn't know what day it was or how long it had been since he'd seen the sun. None of those things mattered anymore. He wasn't always drunk, but now more often than not, he had a good buzz going and didn't appreciate anyone attempting to cut through it. Like right now. His phone chimed and beeped and Gibbs tried to ignore it, but the more he ignored it, the more annoying it became.

Picking it up and flipping it open, he answered his usual greeting.

"What do you want now, Tobias?"
"The trial for Ziva David is over." came the quick but quiet response. That soon, Gibbs couldn't help but wonder.
For a long time, Gibbs was silent. Tobias waited, but Gibbs never muttered another word.
Sighing quietly, but expecting nothing less, Fornell went on to explain.
"A federal court found her guilty of all charges Jethro. She's been sentenced to death via injection."
Again, he received no response.
"I just thought you'd like to know-"
"Thanks, Tobias...for everything."

Then Gibbs unceremoniously hung up, his head hanging low. Blue eyes looked at nothing in particular before landing on one of the precious few photos of his team he kept in his sanctuary.

It was a team photo, one that included Kate. She was turned toward Tony, smiling, her mouth open like she was laughing. Though that may have also something to do with the elbow she dug into Tony's ribs, thus ruining the shot because of Tony's grimace. Tony looked chagrined but there was a glint of humor in his eye that belied the attempted innocent face he was trying to pull off. He thumbed over Kate's laughing face, sadness welling up within him. Kate had been the first agent he lost to a bullet. It was as if that became a precedent of some sort. Because DiNozzo followed her only years later to the same family connection.

Picking up his bourbon, Gibbs hurled it at the wall, watching in macabre fashion at the honey liquid dripped down the concrete like blood. The glass tinkled as it hit the other broken glasses on the floor. It was not the first full cup to meet an unfortunate end. But it would be the last. He just couldn't do this anymore.

He slumped against his unfinished boat, scrubbing a hand down his rough unshaven face.

He remembered Tony's reaction to the white mustache he sported after returning from Mexico. "Boss, it looks like a caterpillar died on your face." God, he could still hear it in his voice and see his face. Tony had been so animated...so alive...

God, Mexico. What a fuck up that had been. Going away had hurt Tony so badly, but his "official" return had done just as much damage. Tony hadn't deserved that and he'd done nothing to rectify it. God...how many ways could you possibly fail one person? Tony had been nothing but loyal and good to him and he treated him like dog crap he stepped in and scraped off the bottom of his boots.

Seeing another photo, stuck under the one with Kate, Gibbs grabbed it and stared at it for a long time. Tony was standing behind him, just off to his right, right where he was supposed to be. Right where he wasn't at anymore. The Gibbs in the photo had his head angled upwards toward Tony who had his head angled down toward him. They were both smiling and laughing. Tony's eyes were glistening with life and happiness in that photo. It was Tony's 2 year anniversary. Abby had wanted to celebrate the day because Tony hadn't moved on and she had cajoled the two of them into it. He was grateful now all of these years later that he had gone along with it.

Where had those men gone? Before Kate, before McGee...when it was just the two of them...things had gone fine. But after Kate….
It seemed after Kate died the hits just kept coming and they couldn't catch their breath. Too much had happened in such a short time and they'd all coped the best they could.

So why had they laid all their shortcomings and flaws at Tony's feet like it was his fault everything had gone wrong?

Gibbs knew the answer. Tony was affable, fun-loving, trustworthy, and loyal. Nobody felt guilty about dumping on him because Tony himself understood why they did it. Didn't make it right though.

He picked up Tony's picture, thumbing over it with a gentle softness that he never used on the agent when he had been alive. Those green eyes, which used to hold such sparkle...that smile that charmed everyone he met (He had been one of the exceptions.) He missed his boy more than words could say. He missed the movie references he had no idea about but somehow had ended up being useful on a case. Or solving it. He missed sharing dinner with Tony and talking with him. He missed all the little pranks and stupid nicknames he came up with.

God, he couldn't take this anymore. Losing Shannon and Kelly had been terrible enough, and though he exacted his vengeance, it never brought him the satisfaction he sought. At least he had gotten his payback. With Tony, there was none, save for the fact that Ziva might get the death penalty. He just couldn't comprehend why she'd done it, even after all this time. Her own partner! What had possessed her….? He had had her six the entire time! Had she even once had his? These questions had bounced around in his mind ever since and he knew he wouldn't get an answer. None that would satisfy him anyway.

He took her under his wing despite the shady circumstances surrounding her start at NCIS and had given her something sacred—his trust. And look at what she'd done with it. She'd gotten McGee, (who was Tony's very own Probie for God's sakes!) to loathe and despise the man who trained him. Not only that, but all the little insults and put downs and disrespect over the years. H e should have done something when the first one was uttered. But he hadn't. He figured Tony would bring it to his attention if it was bad enough, but he never had. He broke one of his own rules. He'd assumed. Hell, he broke more than one over the last few years! And it all came at DiNozzo's expense. It always had. He had never learned from his mistakes and DiNozzo had ended paying the ultimate price for it.

So, with Tony keeping mum on the subject and the disciplinary actions he could have taken, Gibbs never said anything either. It was one of those regrets that you wanted to make right, but you knew every effort would be in vain. Sometimes it wasn't the big things that stayed with you. It was the million little things you never said or did that hurt the most.

At least McGee had grown up. Gibbs was just sorry it taken Tony's death for it to happen. McGee was no longer shy about his position on the MCRT and his new personality reflected it. He didn't take any backtalk about Tony and no one was stupid enough to say anything within his hearing after the last incident. That guy's nose had been broken in two places. There had been a mark in his file over it, which consequently, stopped his rise to the directors chair. When questioned about it by Vance, Tim had told him the truth. "Tony would have done the same thing." Gibbs had been really proud of his agent when he'd heard that. It was the truth after all. Tony, who played the fool, didn't suffer fools either. Kind of ironic, but the truth often was.

Gibbs put the photo down, right next to his wife and daughter. He stared down at them for a while.

It seemed fitting somehow….right in a way that he felt in his gut.

His family. He rubbed his finger over each of their faces again.

He loved them and missed them in equal measure.

"One day, I'll see you again. And in the next life, I'll be better. I promise."

Then Gibbs took an old Sig-Sauer and put it by his temple.

"I'm sorry." There were too many people he was apologizing to.

Ducky...Abby...Timothy...Tobias...hell even Vance had earned one. Palmer even made the list.

Their faces and their reactions played across his mind like a movie. Ducky would be quietly devastated. Gibbs felt a large amount of guilt for leaving his older friend to do three of the teams autopsies. The Scotsman would more than likely leave NCIS after this. Abby...she'd refuse to believe he was gone at first. Then she'd be mad at him, maybe enough to hate him. He didn't know if she would forgive him for this and he doubted he deserved it in the first place. But she was a strong girl and she'd make it.

Tim...he'd be angry. His world had already shifted permanently because of Tony's premature death, and he would resent his death too. But Tim had grown into his own. He'd be the rock for Abby, Ducky, and Palmer now that Tony no longer was. Tim would one day understand. Tobias….he would miss the ornery bastard. Rivals and friends in equal measure. Out of all them, he knew Tobias would forgive and understand him first. He knew how much Tony had meant to him. Hell, Tony had even jokingly called Fornell, "Uncle Toby" once. Tobias had acted offended, but he quietly confided in Gibbs that he liked it. Vance...he didn't like the guy or his predilection toward politics more than NCIS, but the man was solid. He wished he'd gotten to know the other man. At another time, maybe they would have been friends? Who knew, the universe worked in strange ways. Palmer...he was so grateful to the Autopsy Gremlin as Tony had referred to him once. He had been surprised by his and DiNozzo's unorthodox friendship. Tony was the jock/sporty type and Palmer...well...he wasn't. He was glad that Tony had a confidant to talk to when things at work got bad while he'd been drinking his sorrow away in Casa De Franks. He was proud of Palmer. He wished he had gotten to know Tony's friend better.

He could only hope they would forgive him.

He pulled the trigger.

And this is the end for chapter 2. Again, I apologize for the long wait.

But now that you're here at the bottom, I want to tell you something.

This story is going to be massively AU. NCIS canon is non existent for the rest of the story after this one. It will be referred to, but it's not going to be the exact same.

What do you think is going to happen? I'd love to hear your thoughts! Thanks for reading!

Nocturniquette