Saturday 1st of March 1958 - Villa Ruisenor

Villa Ruisenor was a village that didn't often get visitors. It was rural, pinned between the city of Chillan and the mountain range that divided the country from Argentina, tucked away from the major roads that skirted the coast. Besides the vineyards that hemmed the edge of the arid foothills and miscellaneous fruit orchards and farms, the area held no great interest to anyone besides the people who lived there. It was quiet, for the most part. It was punctuated by religious holiday and the weekend before school started again, a village dance.

Much thought went into it. A committee had been meeting regularly since the new year where details were hashed out at length. Where to place the stalls this year, what drinks to offer, what food. Mrs Lopez and Mr Diaz, the two most senior members of the committee, would predictably clash over some small thing or other. Multiple trips were made to Chillan to acquire the necessary decorations and in the year of 1958 electric lanterns were purchased and strung up across the village square for the first time following an incident where a candle had tipped over and caused a row of lanterns to catch fire the previous year. It had been quite the drama.

"You will be there, won't you?" Mercedes had asked as they sat over coffee in the hotel lobby where they had met for breakfast one morning some weeks earlier.

"I wouldn't miss it." Barbara had said smiling over the rim of her cup.

The day arrived, Barbara took especially care with her beauty regime. She curled her hair and powdered her face, dabbing perfume behind her ears. She pressed her dress before slipping into it, smoothing her hands down the front and surveying the effect. It was a sapphire blue, the material lightly iridescent. She wondered if it was too much for the occasion but after a long moment of indecision she decided she didn't care.

She was early, so she arranged herself on the sofa and picked up a book to read but found she couldn't. Her mind was full of anticipation for the evening. Since her arrival in Villa Ruisenor, her life had taken on a slow, sleepy cadence where she had been used to frequent trips to bistros, cinema, theatre, art exhibitions and other cultural activities that were now entirely lacking. She hadn't had an opportunity to dress up in quite some time. Although if she was truly honest, her anticipation was also because it meant that Mercedes would be there.

She knew it wasn't realistic, but she couldn't help but imagine the two of them lost on the crowded dance floor, arms around each other, body sweetly pressed together. She would murmur things into Mercedes ear, something light and pithy and Mercedes would laugh and hold her tighter.

Her eyes had drifted to the window and her reverie had shifted to more intimate thoughts when she heard the front door open.

"Barbara!" Nicanor called out as he entered. He stopped and she could see in his eyes how well she looked in her dress. "You... wow!"

"Thank you." she said. In her fantasy Nicanor had not existed and this intrusion of reality was unwelcome. It made her feel cross with him. She didn't want his admiration for how she looked. This was not for him. "You still have time to shower before we go."

XxX

The sun hadn't yet set when they arrived. The buildings were casting long shadows across the square and golden rays of light slipped in between gaps. Tables and chairs, borrowed from the hotel, were set up on the road and bails of hay were stacked nearby to provide extra seating. Stands sold wine, lemonades, freshly squeezed juices, empanadas, churroz and, most importantly, the completo for which there was always the longest line up. Ribbons, balloons and flowers decorated the space, trimming the edges of tables, around shrubs and trees. Barbara thought the combined effect made everything look festive and inviting.

There were people arrived already, mostly young families and the hubbub of the crowd created a pleasant buzz. Barbara's eyes were searching for Mercedes as soon as she rounded the corner into the square but she couldn't see her. She sighed and allowed Nicanor to direct her towards one of the hay bales before he lined up for lemonade.

The first part of the evening's festivities was dedicated to families with a series of performances from the younger members of the village. As she waited, Barbara turned to look at the rotunda which had been commandeered as a stage. The Sunday School church choir were lined up in rows with Padre Reynaldo as conductor and had just begun to sing an enthusiastic rendition of of El himno de la Batalla de la Republic, accompanied by the piano which had been specially moved from the church for the occasion. Barbara wondered at the suitability of such a hymn given it was a nothing short of a battle cry, and perhaps the children didn't quite understand what they sang either as they slurred their way through the verses, but the gusto with which they then launched into the chorus of 'Gloria! Gloria! Aleluya!'was delightful and by the end of it, Barbara clapped loudly along with all the parents whose chests were puffed up with pride.

It was as the choir was part-way through the more gentle 'Jutos como Hermanos' that she felt Mercedes slide in to sit beside her. She pressed up against Barbara's arm, and placed a kiss on her cheek.

"Barbarita." she said. "You look stunning."

Barbara's smiled and turned to look at Mercedes. Her heart skipped at beat at just how beautiful she looked. Hair tumbling over her shoulder in soft auburn curls and a clip swept up part of the hair, exposing her neck. Her eyes were particularly arresting, framed in a smokey black eyeliner and jet black mascara, offset by the red of her lips. Her dress came off the shoulder in a subtle shade of green, hugging the curve of her torso before pinching in at the waist and flaring out.

"... and you look exquisite." Barbara said emphatically after a spending a moment looking her up and down. Mercedes cheeks flushed a delicate pink and she gazed up through her eyelashes although the look in her eyes was anything but shy.

"I'm glad you like."

"Me encanta."

"Ah, Mercedes!" Nicanor's voice made both women jump and they turned hastily towards him. Mercedes edged away to makes space between their bodies.

"Nicanor." she said and gave a tight smile.

"I would have brought over another lemonade if I'd known that you'd be joining us."

"Oh, no I don't mean to intrude." Mercedes said lightly, standing up, "I just came over to say hello."

And with a glance to Barbara, she walked away.

Barbara wanted to call out and make her stay but Nicanor's presence stilled her tongue. Mercedes was right to go. She watched her join her father and brothers on the other side of the square without a backwards glance and her heart twisted into a knot. She forced her attention to the stage where a young girl of no more than five was arranging herself at the piano and began to play Mozart's Claire de Lune. She feigned total absorption so she wouldn't have to hold any conversation and wished fervently that it was Mercedes' arm and not his around her waist.

XxX

By the time the band came onto the stage, night had fallen. The crowd had been growing thicker and the lights of the lanterns glowed a warm white overhead. The tables were full. One of them had been overtaken by the grocery store owner and his friends, a group of burly men with rotund stomachs, a pitcher of wine between them and merry laughter erupting sporadically. Some of the families had already left but others had commandeered tables as well, the children darting through the crowd, others busy jumping off straw bales. Barbara recognised some of the older girls in the crowed from school - fifteen, sixteen, arriving hand in hand with a boy and she thought about how, in a year or two, some of these couples would be married with a child on the way. Such a life felt inconceivable her.

And then she glanced over at Nicanor.

"Shall we dance?" he asked, standing up to extend his hand.

She smiled wanly at him and accepted his hand.

As Nicanor lead Barbara onto the dance floor, she glanced over to where Mercedes sat, wedged in between Elsa and Horatio, glass of wine in hand and laughing at something Elsa had just said. She felt a sudden acute sense of loneliness. Oh how she wished she was sitting there with them!

They danced for two songs and she could feel Nicanor getting closer, his wine heavy breath and mustache on her cheek as he kissed it. She didn't resist but her gaze drifted over her shoulders as if she was somewhere far away, trying to hold back the disappointment of how the evening was progressing. This was not what she had hoped for tonight – although, she chided herself, it was always going to be like this. It was always going to be like this because Nicanor was there. Her irritation at him climbed a notch even though she knew it wasn't his fault. She just hoped he wouldn't ask for sex when they got home.

So it was with some relief she spotted Nicanor's work colleagues at one of the tables. At the end of the next song she pulled back and suggested they go and say hello. As she had hoped, the conversation quickly turned to shop talk so she made her excuses with a sense of relief and skirted the rim towards Mercedes, her spirits lifting with each step.

XxX

Things were humming. The buzz of the crowd created a pleasant atmosphere and the wine Mercedes had been drinking left her feeling slightly flushed and fuzzy around the edges. She closed her eyes a moment.

"Hey! Mechita! No sleeping yet!" said Horatio as he topped up her glass despite her protestations. "You haven't even been dancing yet!"

"Yayaya, Horatio, why don't you ask your wife to dance if that's so important."

"Look around. There are many handsome men here tonight. Pick one and I'll get him come and ask you."

"Pfffff, they're all ugly." Mercedes carelessly.

"You're just saying that because not one of them has asked you for a dance."

"I'm glad! I don't want to dance with any one of them!"

Horatio shook his head at her. "You're a strange one, you know that?"

"I'm not strange!" Mercedes replied hotly

"Horatio, stop teasing your sister," Elsa replied, "if she doesn't want to dance, she doesn't have to."

"Thank you, Elas." Mercedes said with heartfelt sincerity. She looked to the dance floor, wondering where Barbara had gone to and hating every idea that sprung to mind. She took a sip of her wine.

And then, as if by magic, an iridescent sapphire blue dress blocked her view.

"Hola." said Barbara as she linked her hands behind her back.

"Hola." she replied with a bright smile that seemed to well up from the very depths of her. Elsa glanced over to Horatio.

"Take me dancing, then?" she said and, with a raised eyebrow, Horatio stood up and held out his hand for his wife.

Barbara sat down next to Mercedes on the straw bale, her dress poofing out and settling over Mercede's thigh. She didn't say anything but slid her hand under the material of her dress and under the hand that rested between them. They interlaced their fingers sitting for some minutes watching the festivities. The band was enthusiastic and the guitar player seemed particularly transported, his eyes closed, head nodding in time to his strumming, feet beating out the rhythm. They watched him in symbiotic silence and Mercedes felt a pleasant calm radiation into her bones from the place where their hands met.

"Would you dance with me?" Barbara asked suddenly, turning to look at her.

"Do we dare?" Mercedes, her brow creasing.

It wasn't that two women dancing together was strange – in fact Mercedes had frequently danced with Elsa and Augusta – but it felt different. It was different.

"I promise to keep my hands to myself." Barbara said with a wink. She pulled Mercedes onto the dance floor, placing one hand on her shoulder and holding the other in her hand as a passable rendition of Elvis' 1957 hit "Don't Be Cruel" played. Barbara seemed to know something of how to dance to rock n roll and began the steps. Mercedes watched Barbara's feet for a few repetitions and then fell into the rhythm.

"Nice!" Barbara said and tried twirling her but as she wasn't expecting it, resisted awkwardly.

"Let me lead you!" Barbara chided and tried again with a bit more success. They laughed as they stumbled through the song. By the end they were out of breath, clutching each other as they regained their breath.

"You look so beautiful." Barbara whispered to her.

"Barbara!" Mercedes hand rose to her hot cheeks and looked furtively around but no one was paying attention.

Suddenly the crowed let out a yell of appreciation as the first strains of En Mejillones Yo Tuve un Amor played. Mercedes saw an old man drawing his wife to the dance floor. He was tall and his broad shoulders were drooping. His age was apparent in his stiff gait, fingers swollen with arthritis and jowls covered in papery skin. He smiled down at his wife and she smiled back, stepping in closer as his arms wrapped around her. She lay her head on his chest and they began to dance.

Mercedes watched them and it felt as if they were the only two people in the world. It was like she was watching something deeply intimate and yet she couldn't look away, there was so much love in the way the old man held his wife and there was a sense of complete surrender in the way she let him.

"Mercedes?"

Her attention had been occupied for some moments watching the couple. Implicit in the way Barbara had said her name was the question of why she was looking at them. Without much thought she murmured wistfully.

"That's what I want."

It took her a moment to register the words she'd spoken . There was nothing inherently wrong in what she'd said but saying it to Barbara felt like it was expressing an expectation for what they should be. Until now they had said nothing. Nothing of what was happening, nothing of what they truly were to each other, nothing of what kind of future they could or couldn't have. That their feelings went beyond friendship, that was clear. That something potent existed between them, that was clear. But they had skirted around speaking of those things as if to speak of them would make the impossibility of what they were doing tangible. It would demand them to ask questions about the implications of where they were headed with this.

She searched Barbara's face, wondering what was going through her mind and felt relief when Barbara smiled.

"Then you shall have it."

Barbara pulled her closer then, their cheeks brushing together. Their bodies didn't touch, but Mercedes could feel warmth of her body centimeters away as they swayed to the song.

XxX

They were just sitting down with churros when Nicanor appeared, giving both women a start. Mercedes had forgotten about him. He aplogised because he had to go to the police station to work on "something that had just come up." Barbara assured him that she'd be fine to get home on her own. He disappeared into the crowd.

"Let's go somewhere." Barbara said suddenly.

Mercedes frown at her.

"What?"

"Let's go somewhere."

"Uh...well...I know a place." she said holding out her hand and drawing Barbara along with her as they threaded through the crowd. They walked out of the village, arm in arm, down the street that passed the church, the music and voices fading as they strolled around the corner, biting into the chewy, icing sugar dusted dough of the churros. Each bite filled Mercede's mouth with delicious smooth manjar caramel that was nestled inside and she hummed as she popped the last into her mouth. Beside her, Mercedes heard Barbara laugh.

"What?" she asked

"You have caramel on your face."

"Oh, where?" Mercedes said, licking her lips and raising her hand to wipe the corners of her mouth.

Barbara placed a hand on her bare shoulder.

"Here, let me."

They stopped walking, their shoes scuffing against the dust of the dirt road as they turned to face each other. Mercedes tilted her head up a little so that Barbara might wipe it away. The moon was a waxing crescent somewhere in the east tonight which made the night sky sparkle more brightly than usual with millions of stars overhead, wrapping them in darkness, safe from prying eyes. But she didn't expect it when Barbara, glancing around, leaned in, lips parting, her teeth scraping gently against the skin just below her mouth. She felt the tip of her tongue there as it traced a line. The way her body seemed to awaken in response was instantaneous. She kept still eyes fluttering closed, lips tingling.

"There." Barbara said softly as she pulled back.

There was a lull as the band finished their last song, like the night was holding its breath before the music of the next one began. Mercedes laughed as she realised what it was and Barbara took her hand, twirled her as she began to sing.

Mechita of my dreams,
seductive little doll,
your youth holds treasure
to a world of splendor

Her voice was steady and sweet with an edge of vibrato, holding true to the melody as it rose and fell. Her eyes held Mercedes as she stepped in wrapping her arms around her to press their bodies together as they began to sway slowly.

The mystery of your eyes
has disturbed my calm
and give birth in my soul
to a hope for love

Mercedes blushed and it felt like her heart was bursting with the gentlest of emotions that insinuated itself into every cell of her body.

Mechita you are pretty
Your eyes,
Your eyes fascinate me.
Your mouth,
Your divine mouth I would like,
I would like to kiss.
Mechita you well know how much,
How much I love you.
That is why I beg you,
Do not make me suffer anymore.

Barbara sang with steadiness as if each word was true. Her hand rose to caress her cheek, her thumb running over her lips and as the instrumental interlude played they slowed until they were standing still and Mercedes wondered if Barbara had just confessed her love. In the same moment as the thought brushed past her mind she realised that she wanted to hear it because what she was feeling came into sudden, complete clarity. She wanted to hear it because that's how she felt. She was in love. In love with Barbara Roman.

That truth sprang to her lips, potent and full, resting there, waiting to be spoken. But she didn't.

"Aren't you going to kiss me?" Mercedes asked thickly instead.

"I think that if I do," Barbara said, "I won't be able to stop."

Mercedes stepped a few paces backwards, her hand capturing Barbara's to pull her along.

"It's not far." she said.

XxX

"Where are you taking me?" Barbara asked as they veered off the road to a wooden gate. They'd been walking down a tree lined lane just outside of the village.

"We're almost there." Mercedes said as she unlatched the hook from the fence post and pushed it wide enough for them to slip through. "I used to come here all the time with Maria Elsa and Augusta when I was little although we climbed the fence instead of using the gate."

They began to walk along the edge of what Barbara could just make were grapevines.

"Mercedes! Are we sneaking onto private property?"

Mercedes laughed and tugged at her hand.

"It's a path that leads to the river. Everyone uses it. Trust me."

"Hmmm. Trust me, she says," came the amused voice.

They walked a few moments passing into some trees that lined the edge of the vineyard, and onto a path. They moved cautiously forward as it was dark and although it had been years since she'd come here, her instinct guided her true. After a few hundred meters they climbed an embankment and there it stood, as it had throughout her life, an impressive oak tree stenciled against the night sky.

Mercedes lay down on her back and pulled Barbara down to join her. They kicked off their dancing shoes and lay side by side

"It's beautiful." Barbara sighed as they looked at the Milky Way.

The evening was balmy. The heat of the day had settled like a warm blanket over the countryside. The night-time insects trilled in the grasses, punctuating the stillness, a soft, soothing soundscape that accompanied the cadence of their slow breaths.

Inside Mercedes was buzzing. Every slow beat of her heart was now humming with her realisation: Te amo, te amo, te amo, her heart said. Te amo, te amo, te amo. Her fears of what they were, of what it meant - of what Barbara felt for her, of her marriage, the secrecy their relationship demanded, of the right or wrong of it... It all seemed to quieten down under the rhythm of the mantra. The stars winked at them from their lofty vantage points, flung like gold dust across the sky and the part of her that whispered that God, who could create such awe inspiring beauty, would not condemn her for feelings so equally exquisite.

The words of a poem sprung to her mind and she spoke them softly

And she has loved with a fierce, white passion
She never speaks of, for if she were to tell
It would be like the face of unknown stars.

She turned her head to look at Barbara and could faintly make out the shape of her body.

"Kiss me." she said.

Barbara shifted, propping herself up onto her elbow and looked down at Mercedes.

"If I start, I don't think I could stop." she said, echoing herself from before.

"I don't want you to."

Mercedes took a slow breath, her stomach fluttering at the admission.

"Oh, Mercedes!" Barbara murmured softly.

Her warm mouth captured Mercede's with a sigh and she kissed her like she was the most sacred of things. She could feel Barbara's passion simmering just below the surface, lacing her lips as they moved against her own. Mercedes wrapped her arms around her, pulling her closer, and Barbara settled on top of her, pushing the material of her skirt up as she did so. Mercedes inhaled when she felt a leg press into the apex of her thigh, a delicious pressure that made her body flush hot. Their kiss deepened. A hand curve around the outside of her thigh to guide it up so that it pressed into Barbara's center and then Barbara rocked forward and it was like electricity shooting out through her body. Mercedes scraped her fingers down Barbara's back, sliding over her bottom, kneading the flesh through the layers of her dress, encouraging the undulation of her hips. Barbara groan into her mouth and she felt triumphant. She was hyper aware of herself and her movements, of Barbara's responses. All her senses were alive and thrumming. She feel desire, urging her forward to this place of no return, this place of surrender but right along with it came all her uncertainty of just how to do any of this. She wanted to touch Barbara, make her shudder and gasp and cry out in pleasure but she was totally out of her depth as to how to do that. Her hands were too clumsy and inexperienced.

Barbara was sucking gently on her neck and she squirmed, panting at the intensity of the sensation, her hips lifting off the grass making her center pressed more firmly into Barbara's leg.

"Oh!" she cried

Barbara gave an growl of approval. Fingers move to grasp the zipper on her side and pull it down the material of her dress loosening and she felt it being pushed down revealing her bare torso. She wore no bra tonight, the dress hadn't needed it, and Barbara discovered this with a hum as her hand glided over body. She bent forward, their torsos pressing together, the soft material of her dress slippery against Mercedes' bare skin. She captured Mercedes' mouth again in a passionate kiss.

Mercedes could feel the night air caressing her skin, the grass cool against her back, Barbara's center hot and damp through the thing layer of cotton against her leg. She wanted to feel Barbara's skin against her. Moving her hands up Barbara's back, she found the top of the zipper. She pulled it down, her fingers fumbling a moment as she undid the bra. Barbara sat up to pull her dress up and over her head, discarding it, along with the bra, in a pile beside them. Mercedes could see her skin which seemed to glow in the night, faint and ghostly. Her hands ran over Barbara's stomach and tentatively cupped her breasts. She had through of doing this so many times, tried to imagine how it would feel as she lay in bed on the nights where she let her mind run wild. It was like silk and she could feel Barbara's heart beat reverberating against the palm of her right hand. Barbara moaned and arched her back, pushing her soft breasts more firmly into Mercedes' hands, her head fell back exposing her throat. Never had anything been more deeply arousing or more beautiful. Mercedes could never have imagined this, the raw power of passion expressed through the feminine form, the sensuality of how Barbara's body moved above her.

It took her a moment to realise Barbara had become still.

"What is it?" Mercedes asked.

"Shhhhh. Listen."

They listened.

"I think someone is coming!" Barbara whispered urgently.

Sure enough, in the distance, the sound of footfall and faint laughter. Barbara rolled off Mercedes and was fumbling for her clothes while Mercedes pulled her dress up and zipped it. She rose to her feet and ran her hands over her mussed hair, stepping towards the edge of the embankment they'd scrambled shortly before.

"Oh mi dios, Barbara, hurry!" Mercedes whispered urgently as laughter erupted again, this time closer. She retreated to pick up their shoes and they moved around to the far side of the tree.

"Zip me up?" Barbara asked as she straightened her dress. Mercedes did so slowly to avoid the sound giving them away. They became still and quiet once more. They could hear voices. It sounded like a man and a woman and they were so close, they must have been on the path not twenty meters away.

"Is it safe?" said the woman's voice.

"Don't you trust me?" the man replied.

"Which way? I can't see."

"This way."

Mercedes held her breath. They were going to come into sight any moment now. Her mind churned, trying to think of some kind of explanation as to why she, the headmistress of the Catholic girls school and one of her teachers were out here in the night. She cursed herself for her carelessness. How stupid she was! To be so unthinking of the consequences! Moments before she had been certain that God's hand was in this, guiding them together, encouraging them, now she wasn't certain all. It was no ordinary sin she'd been committing.

She never had to find a plausible lie, however. The voices moved forward going down the path fading until they were gone.

She took a deep breath and blew it out.

"I think they went to the river."

"Gracias a Dios." Barbara exclaimed.

"I think they were going there for the same reason we came here!"

Barbara laughed and leaned in and kissed Mercedes on the lips.

"Well maybe here isn't the best idea after all for..." Barbara said and then she groaned, bending over and rested her head against Mercede's shoulder a moment. She inhaled and then sighed, her arms wrapping around Mercedes' body. The contact felt like a blam on her shaky nerves, pulling her back into her body, calming her fears.

"It probably isn't." Mercedes said and it illiciting another groan.

"I want you so much." Barbara whispered against her ear.

"Me too." Mercedes whispered back, barely believing that she was being told these words and that she, Mechita Moller, was finally saying it in return to someone. "That was a close call, though."

"Too close," Barbara said as she pulled away, "but we will find the right moment."

The back of her finger stroked her cheek.

"I want your first time to beautiful, mi amor."

They kissed, soft and chaste. Barbara slipped her hand into Mercedes'.

"Let me walk you home." she said.