Bottom of the Ocean

The moon light flooded the isolated corner of the library where I sat, scribbling furiously at a piece of parchment. The library had long since closed its doors to students but yet I stayed in my corner and refused to leave. Rolls of parchment, various feather quills, partially used ink wells and open text books littered the table but were lying unused. Homework had been my reason for coming the library in the first place but while trying to research and write a twelve inch essay about the Goblin Rebellion of 1492; meaningless words and phrases flooded my brain. They were completely useless for my essay, so I pushed it, and anything related to it, towards the far side of the table and began putting my thoughts on parchment for a change, rather than let them scramble up in my head.

Three weeks ago, Gryffindor and Slytherin houses had had their first Quidditch match of the season and three weeks ago, I found Ron snogging Lavender Brown. Ron and Lavender have been dating and talking nonstop about the other for three weeks now. I remember how it was before Ron's world revolved around Lavender's lips. I smile for no apparent reason and Harry looks at me like I'm mad. He is the only one who knows how torn up I am about all of this. Frankly, I was sure he was just as sick of them as I was. He just wanted his best friend back, without Lavender tagging along.

It was pitiful. I was in love with Ron Weasley. My best friend. I had no idea what to do. I couldn't just go up and tell him. I might be in Gryffindor but I wasn't that brave. And then there was Lavender to think about, or not to think about. Just thinking about the blond bimbo made my head ache. She only liked Ron because he won the Quidditch match a few weeks ago. She didn't even know anything about Ron other than he played Quidditch and was a good kisser. I wasn't actually sure if the second option was correct but I wanted to find out. But right now all that was left was the torn up memories of what could have been. Ashes.

I didn't know how he could just leave me like he had. Harry had told me many times that he was positive that Ron fancied me. Fred and George had told me. Ginny had told me. Everyone seemed to know. But now he was with Lavender and I could feel him slipping through my fingers. We were spending less and less time together. He always sat with Lavender at meals and in class. I never seemed to see him anymore. And the time I did, I wish I hadn't because he was usually snogging Lavender in a corner somewhere.

I was always trying to put any thoughts of Ron away, putting a full-body bind on them and storing them in the far corner of my head. I honestly think that it is one thing I will never accomplish. Every time I think of him, I do everything I can to distract my thoughts. That usually means spending extremely long evenings in the library doing and redoing homework and reading books. Sometimes they work, but most times they don't. Hogwarts: A History can't even begin to distract me nowadays. It was feeling like I might never have my best friend back. Like I might never find who he was before Lavender again. I hope it's just a faze; like Seamus's Weird Sisters craze and Parvati's recent obsession with the color purple.

I honestly think that Harry is correct when he said that I was going mad. I dream every night. About Ron. About Ron when we were younger. About Ron when we will be older. About Ron kissing me, hugging me and telling me that he loves me. And then Lavender appears and turns it all around. She'll steal him from me, kiss him furiously and Ron will kiss her back with more enthusiasm and passion then he had with me. I almost always wake up crying because it's always so vivid and real. But I cherish the dreams anyway. It gives me something the wish for. A shining star in an immeasurable black sky.

When days are harder to keep my sanity, I think back to every little thing Ron and I have ever done together. Memories from first year, second, third, fourth and fifth and even some from the very start of this year too. Everything that I want to follow suit I make up in my head and add them to the time line. I've even gone so far as to envision our wedding and our kids. They would have the famous Weasley red hair that I love so much. A little girl named Rose and a little boy named Hugo. They're beautiful names and I only wish Ron would be able to envision them like I can. But then reality comes back and hit me head on and reminds me that these things can and may never happen. Ron is with Lavender and who knows; they might get married and have kids of their own some day. But I'm not going to dwell on the 'what ifs.'

I can't and refuse to loose Ron. It only just feels like it most days. If it will mean that I won't have to completely leave my best friend of six years behind, I will be nice to his girlfriend. I will put up with him being in love with her and not me. I will put up with the snogging, hugging and overall romance stuff the two of them do. I will put up with Lavender Brown even if it kills me. But these things are easier said than done. But I will try. Besides when had Hermione Jean Granger ever given up on something that seems impossible?

Stupid evil thoughts that fill my brain with doubt! They tell me to give up, to let go of Ron completely and come to terms that he has never seen me as anything more than his best girl friend. I don't want to believe them but they can be very persistent all the time. They are all very cumbersome.

I just wanted Ron. And if that meant that he didn't love me but was still my best friend than I should be okay with that. I just want him to remember all that we've been through together and know in his heart and mind that I will always be there for him. No matter how much he messes up. I don't want him to be sad and worrying about me all the time. He needs to be happy and so do I.

The lurking shadows have filled the corner of the library to a spooky, haunted-like space. For the fact being, the library along with the rest of the school is haunted and it really isn't very scary at all. The small light from my lantern gave enough light for me to read the numbers of the Tempus charm I had just cast. 11:58pm. Sighing with exhaustion, I tucked my poem into the pages of my History of Magic textbook and put it along with my other textbooks, spare parchment, ink wells and quills in my school bag. I slung the bag over my shoulders and picked up my dwindling lantern before making the silent trek back to the Gryffindor common room.

The secret passageways Harry found with help of the Marauders Map and the Weasley twins proved effective this evening. I never met one ghost, professor, caretaker or cat my whole way up to the Gryffindor Tower. I usually wasn't one to use the passageways but I felt they were of need tonight. It was eerie walking around the school after dark; Dumbledore had pressed for higher security this year now that the whole of Wizarding Brittan believed that Voldemort was at large once again.

Finally, I could see the Fat Lady's portrait at the end of the hall. She was slumbering peacefully in her frame, a half full bottle of wine sitting on the ground at her feet. I honestly didn't feeling like waking her up not knowing how much she had had to drink but I couldn't get into the common room unless I did. With a deep breath, I tapped gently on the portrait's frame to wake its sleeping occupant.

"Fat Lady, I need to get into the common room please. Wake up," I tapped a bit firmer on the wood when the Fat Lady didn't do so much as stir one bit. "Please Fat Lady. I need entrance to the common room!" I whispered a bit louder while still tapping on her frame.

Slowly the Fat Lady opened her eyes and looked at me ungratefully. "And why do you need entrance to the common room at this late hour?" she whispered annoyingly. "You should have been in bed hours ago."

"I happen to be a Prefect," I huffed and folded my arms across my chest.

"Oh don't start with me. You're going to sound like that Weasley boy who graduated a few years ago. He used to tell me that all the time."

"I am not turning into Percy," I snarled in a whisper. "I'm just asking for entrance to the common room."

"Alright, alright just give me the damned password."

"Virtute et fide," I whispered in a huff and the Fat Lady rolled her eyes but opened her portrait anyways. With a grimace in her direction I crawled through the portrait hole. Fat Lady closed her frame a bit too quickly for my liking and it hit me in the back, causing me to tumble onto the floor.

When I lifted my head from the floor I was face-to-face with someone's slack covered knees. Pushing myself onto my arms, I saw that it was Ron standing over me. Growling in frustration, I sat up on my knees and got up off the ground.

"Are you okay 'Mione?" Ron asked. His Weasley-red hair was scuffed up he had a self-inking quill tucked behind his left ear. It reminded me for a moment of Luna Lovegood as she always kept her wand behind her left ear for safekeeping.

"I'm fine Ron. Just had a bit of a spat with the Fat Lady is all," I said and brushed out my skirt.

"Oh, okay then."

I looked over to the scarlet sofa which was littered with textbooks, quills and parchment. Harry was scribbling furiously and glancing ever so often at his History of Magic textbook. He looked up at me and gave me a small wave before turning back to his work.

"What are you two still doing up?" I asked as I re-shouldered my bag.

"Goblin Rebellion essay for Binns," Harry muttered from the couch. "You disappeared into the library after dinner and we've been trying to write it all night."

"Yeah, you don't think we could look at your essay to see what we're missing do you?" Ron asked.

"I still have to finish mine actually," I replied sheepishly. Harry and Ron both looked at me in shock. "I was a bit, err ... distracted in the library this evening."

Ron snorted as he followed me to the couch. "What was so entertaining in the library that Hermione Granger couldn't concentrate on her work?"

"Nothing! I just couldn't think straight. There was too much to think about." I sat down next to Ron on the sofa and pulled my essay out of my bag for the second time tonight. I scanned over what I had already written before grabbing a quill off the couch and continuing. There was a short period of silence where the only sound was the scratching of quills before Ron asked to borrow my History of Magic textbook.

"Where's yours?" I asked without looking up from my essay.

"I left it in my trunk upstairs and I don't want to go get it." Ron told me.

"Fine you can use it. It's in my bag." I pointed with my quill to the book bag at my feet.

"Thanks 'Mione! You're the best!" Ron patted my shoulder affectionately before leaning over and grabbing my textbook.

I was so focused on finishing my essay that I didn't notice Ron reading a spare bit of parchment that was stuck between the pages of the book. Nor did I notice Ron showing Harry the parchment or Harry smiling slyly at the short message scribbled at the bottom that I never realized was there before. I didn't notice any of that until Ron tapped me on the shoulder.

"Do you mind if I read you something?"

"Um, no. Go ahead." I scrunched my eyebrows together and listened to Ron's soothing voice reading words that I knew so well.

My face was glowing the same red as Ron's hair. My hands were trembling so badly that I dropped my quill and made an ink blot on the corner of my parchment. But I didn't care. I just wanted to know how Ron had found the poem. His beautiful blue eyes looked deeply into my eyes before he read something from the parchment I never remembered writing.

Ron, if only you knew

"This is what was keeping you distracted in the library this evening, wasn't it?" Ron asked quietly after a minute.

I nodded my head and looked down at my knees. "Where did you get it?" I whispered.

"It was stuck in the pages of your textbook. I found it when I was looking for information for my essay." Ron said ashamed. "I didn't realize that it was private. Here, you can have it back." He held out the parchment to me but I didn't take it.

"No you keep it. It's about you anyways."

Harry was sitting on the couch without making eye contact with either one of us. I guess he figured that this was a personal conversation but didn't have to guts to leave us alone by ourselves without first seeing what would happen.

"Is it true? What you wrote?" Ron whispered.

That's when I broke down into sobs and collapsed onto Ron's sturdy shoulder. His strong arms appeared around me and held me protectively to his chest.

"Of course it's all true," I sniffled. "How could it not be? You have no idea how much it hurts me to see you with her."

I felt him press his lips to my hair. "And you have no idea how much it hurts me to see you like this. I don't know why I ever thought getting together with Lavender was a good idea. I never intended to make you feel like this." His breath tickled my scalp and I shivered into his chest.

"What make me love you even more than I already do?" I mumbled into his collarbone.

"No, make you feel like I love Lavender more than I love you," Ron whispered back. I felt the sofa cushions move a bit as Harry squirmed uncomfortably in his seat. He was probably okay with seeing Ron and Lavender's public displays of affection by now, but I know he wasn't ready for ours quite yet.

I lifted my head from his chest and looked deep into his blue eyes. "You love me?"

"Hermione, I've loved you from the moment I met you. There has never been a day when I haven't."

I smiled up at him. I could see Harry grinning on Ron's other side. I was totally going to give him the satisfaction he deserved for putting up with our quarrels for all these years.

"Prove it to me Ronald Weasley."

"With pleasure," Ron whispered before he pressed his lips gingerly to mine.

My arms immediately went around his neck and my hands found the downy hair at the nape of his neck. His arms in return, tightened their grip around me and pulled me closer to his pounding chest. It was pure bliss. I was on Cloud Nine. I could hear angles singing.

Slowly I felt his lips part from mine and I sighed with the loss of contact. My arms were still wound around his neck and his around my waist.

"Lavender –" I started to say before Ron silenced me with a quick peck on the lips.

"Shh, don't say her name. She's not important anymore. She never was to begin with."

"But –"

Ron kissed me again quickly. "Now that I have you, nothing will ever be as important as you are. I will never let you go ever again."

He tightened his hold on me once more and I hugged him back just as tight. Over his shoulder I saw Harry smiling brightly at the both of us. When he caught me staring at him, he gave me a thumbs up and mouthed 'Congratulations' before turning back to finish his essay.