Long overdue isn't it. Forgive me. I've been buried with schoolworks. Now with loads of prompting of 'finish it you hoe', all said lovingly from ThatCalexShipper (This is flirting by update; love you x) because I kept bugging her with previews of this chapter, here is the actual new chapter. I'm as pleased as you all are that I can now share this to you guys because most of this was written right after 4.1 I just...haven't..or didn't want to finish writing it yet. I guess.

Their trip had been spent in silence, it was getting dark. They're stuck outside the hallway of Casey's humble apartment at the West Village, hands never leaving each other's bodies. Casey's hands fumble on her pockets, reaching for her door keys. They jostled with one and another on the way in, Alex shutting the door close, Casey ahead of her. The scenario felt all too hazy. Her steps made contact to the ground but only brushed with it briefly.

She forgets if they even bother locking the door, Casey tugging her to her general direction, feet lazily leading them to the bedroom. She forgets that she had to notify the Marshall for any change of location (they probably had her on real time GPS, anyway). She forgets everything but the way Casey Novak's hands burn on her skin, whispering her name and sweet nothings when they're at the foot of her bed.

Alex lets herself be pulled down along the Casey, letting her hand rest gently on the other's shoulders, slowly tracking their way to the sides, intertwining their hands together. It's unbelievably dark in Casey's room, the night lamp casts kisses of orange hues on strands of Casey's hair splayed on the bed, only ghosting over Alex's silhouette. She could make out Casey's grin from the sudden bounce of light from the other's lips. Alex untangles one of their hands and traces patterns on Casey's lips before leaning down. She peppers her with gentle kisses, Casey tilting her head slightly to give her leeway to her neck and Alex affirms. She could smell traces of lavender on her neck as she gently kisses her way down to Casey's collarbone, leaving the other in soft whimpers.

She finds herself completely letting go of Casey's hands, feeling them make patterns beneath her clothing, her skin burned all the way from her thighs to the side of her stomach, Casey undoing the buttons of her blouse. She concentrates on attaining whimpers and low moans of her name until she feels Casey's hands tugging impatiently on her pants. In her tender attempt of coaxing moans out of the other, she had traded in her upper garments.

Before she could make as much of a movement, Casey had freed her of her belt and unzipped her pants. She takes it as a signal to do the same, Casey is more than compliant to her imitating her actions. Her teeth gently graze between the spaces of her neck, sucking on the skin lightly. She helps Casey shed off her remaining garments, mouths not leaving each other's skin. The sudden loss of fabric sending goose bumps on Casey's skin as Alex's tongue trails a path down to her stomach. Each swirl of her tongue on Casey's stomach earning her a sharp inhale, eventually, Casey's tugging on her hair. Her hands caresses Casey's slender body, leaving a blazing trail of unspoken words in their wake.

I don't deserve you. I'm so sorry, Casey. I was alone but thinking of you had made me feel less like it.

No, she does not simply take Casey. Alex's only intention was to make love to her. To say her apologies in action. To plead for forgiveness in her touches. She's gentle in every action she takes. Even the way her fingers stroke the inside of her thighs, the slight hiss she draws out of Casey, the growing rhythm of moans and gasps as she picks up her pace.

You're many things but not the crude words they say behind your back.

The spark inside her isn't satiated in how slow she makes love to Casey but she supposes it's enough. It's an apology she wants to make. Not ravaging the other in bed. Casey has her head nestled at the crook of her neck, sucking lightly on the skin there, one hand clutching on her shoulder, softly moaning her name in intervals of whimpers and gasps. She escalates her pace, making the other yelp in surprise, and it isn't long before she could feel Casey's muscles tightening around her fingers.

She presses a kiss on her forehead, not drawing out yet and patiently waiting for her to come down from the heights of pleasure. When the intervals between Casey's breaths even, she captures her lips gently with a kiss, drawing her fingers out by then and tenderly laying Casey on her back.

I think what's left unsaid is what best describes you—perfect, taken for granted; the way the world treats you does your skills disservice.

She could see her clearly now, that they're near the night lamp, Alex wonders how they'd even get so close to the bedpost. But Casey flutters her eyes close and she almost looks ethereal in the sun kissed lighting of her room, Alex couldn't help but trace butterfly kisses from her shoulders to her jawline, before deciding to slide the covers over on top of them, Casey seeming to have nestled comfortably on her side. She lets her hand comb through Casey's hair, cold from sweat.

Nothing less than who I am. Even more than I could ever be.

She wanted to write it in paper—but she leaves it in kisses, touches, marks on her skin, and maybe, maybe then it was enough. Maybe Casey would know not to seek after her attention, as much as it'd break them both. It was all too complicated—too not cut out for the both of them—but this could be enough, if Casey still chooses her.

Casey stirred awake somewhere in the dawn, waking up to the feeling of warmth enveloping her. Arms wrapped around her waist. She opened her eyes to blonde locks obscuring a part of her vision and—Alex. She couldn't quite believe Alex didn't leave early—or maybe she hadn't woken up yet. She finds her hands to be wrapped around loosely Alex's waist, she doesn't remember doing it but it's comfortable so she lets it stay there for a moment as she's trying to take the view in front of her.

She attempts to move the stray strands of Alex's hair away from her face, it's not successful but she can see a bit more clearly now—she wanted to watch Alex sleep. She never quite figured out if the blonde had managed to look peaceful. Always with the stoic appearance, tense shoulders, clenched jaw—always on guard, as if someone was out to get her.

The sunlight peeks through her windows drapes and it has an almost unrealistic way of bouncing off of Alex's skin. She looked like a mystical being in this lighting. Ethereal. Resting, waiting for the next time danger strikes. Even in sleep, Alex's shoulders aren't relaxed as hers and Casey finds herself berating the men who had done this to Alex. One she'd have to absolutely put in jail—or else whatever was the point of justice?

She brushes away some of the hair that got on Alex's face and she eventually finds herself caressing the blonde's well-defined face. She was just so…Alex. Cold, frightening, no-nonsense; frigid, scared, caring. Alex stirs and she momentarily has to stop, gauging whether the other had woken up but Alex just succumbs further into her touch and relaxes, as if she knows Casey's the one touching her.

Casey smiles to herself. That one smile she'd have a hard time getting rid of—because she'll have the image of Alexandra Cabot—in her bed, asleep peacefully—for many days etched into the back of her mind and it'll always wash relief over any chaos boiling inside her.

Alex is the queen of timings and at that right moment Casey has this lovesick smile on her face, she had decided to flutter her eyes open, blue eyes meeting green ones. She didn't seem entirely confused about the fact she woke up next to Casey—actually, she smiled, and Casey Novak couldn't possibly have asked for a better morning. One of her hand that she had around Casey's waist met and squeezed the one cupping her face, she's still smiling.

Casey moves closer and says, "You're cute when you're asleep."

Alex just flutters her eyes close again, taking in the warmth and comfort she feels in the present. God, she may never want to get out of this bed—but they both had something to do today.

"I like you better awake though." Casey could feel the impending question of how come but Alex seems to have discarded it and instead kisses her full on the lips. She immediately melts into the kiss and is quite glad that Alex parted because she wasn't sure she could.

Alex sighed. The air between them had changed and it's chipping away on the mended, vulnerable pieces in Casey. There's a tinge of guilt in Alex's eyes, as if as soon as she kissed Casey she regretted it—her mind goes there but she doesn't delve in because it's a different kind of guilt and it could only be about one thing, Casey gambles on it-

"—This was an apology—" Alex starts, only for Casey to cut her off. She knows well enough Alex Cabot had been great in playing the blame game but she was great in it too. Two could play at this game or not at all. They were like two ticking time bombs around each other, bottling everything up, trying to face things alone.

But, god, they had each other even when they didn't know they did. They'd have each other—they wanted each other.

"—Alex, listen to me," She traces Alex's jawline, letting her fingers ghost over it slightly. "—we'd done this in the worst situation of all but I'm glad we did," Alex tries to rebut but Casey's finger ends up pressed on her lips, stopping her from speaking any further. "I'm not going to listen to your 'I don't guarantee this' speech, Alex, I don't expect anything of you. You're in a difficult position. But you're here, and I want you right here, right now, for how long you can be here." She whispers her words, slowly, intent on making Alex understand that she's never going to walk away from this. Not when she knows she's scared, not when she knows Alex needed someone—someone who'd just know and never have to ask.

She doesn't know if she's that person but she'd aspire to be. Magnets they were, trying to ignore the magnetic force pulling them together in one place, back right next to each other. It may have gotten fed up with the both of them because this time, they meet halfway through trying the man who almost killed Alex by shooting her.

Casey notices tears well up in Alex's eyes and she feels almost guilty about it, she'd never want to be the reason to see Alex cry—unless she made her incredibly happy then she'll take it. Alex attempts to brush away the tears but she succumbs further into sobs that Casey does it for her and eventually cradles her closer into her arms.

"—you're not fair. I apologized." She hears Alex mumbling into the crook of her neck. God, she really thought that if she had apologized by making love, Casey would have let her go—it only made Casey want her more.

Casey chuckled at such notion Alex had convinced herself with. "I know you did, it was a wonderful apology. I'd like more apologies from you, to be honest." She jokes, running her fingers lightly through Alex's blonde locks. Alex is still clutching onto her shoulders and it's almost funny to her, she does not know whether she was whimpering or holding back a laughter, until Alex throws her head back, shaking it in mock disappointment at Casey's response.

"I'm so glad I came to see you first." Alex says, scrunching up her nose in an adorable way as if she'd just remembered something. "—Oh my god, we can't let them—" Casey nods, she quite got it. Not let Liv and El know. That was easy. She still has a bit of unresolved anger at those two for hanging her out to dry in court. As much as she's glad Alex is alive, she needed to give Liv and El the cold shoulder even for a bit.

"See my angry performance later, I think you'll be proud."

I'm just glad you're here.

Alex had done her best to remain apathetic around Casey. When she walks and pretends they were just colleagues and it was the first time they had seen each other in 3 years. She thought they weren't going to break it while preparing for court, so when Casey tells Olivia and Elliot to go on ahead, Alex cannot help but be clueless. Then Casey looked at her, picking up her case but not following after Olivia and Elliot.

Alex took a sharp inhale. Not one person in the world looked at her so intensely but also so caring and kind. Casey looked her right in the eyes, piercing, reassuring Alex that she is not doing this alone. They had to be subtle—but her hands trembled and Casey noticed, so she holds them and gives them a squeeze, not saying a word. Alex was certain Casey didn't leave her with a kiss but she could smell a faint trace of Casey's perfume on herself that it almost seems like she did.

Her hands trace back on the warmth Casey's hands had given her momentarily, still feeling the ghost of Casey's hands holding hers. Maybe now, she was less afraid.

The whole trade was all to blame on Alex's nerves. Her inability to communicate properly. Be articulate enough to express how she's feeling. And she lashes out, if not in yelling, in awful quips at the last person she'd think of doing it to. Apologies immediately leave her mouth—god, for a lawyer, she is a complete idiot and prick.

Instead, Casey tells her it's going to be hard to be the one being questioned. To be sitting on the other side and as a victim. All the while looking her straight in the eyes, as if seeing through Alex. Her whole body shook at the realization that Casey knew. She could see and she listened. It was not that Alex had considered Casey to be oblivious but it never occurred to her before that someone could understand her. That someone could listen to her and not run away. That she could tell someone what happened in detail and it wouldn't feel like she was dissociating again.

"Call it a night?" Casey suddenly said, knocking Alex out of her reverie. She didn't realize she'd been sitting in the couch, arms rested on the sides and looking at one space. She didn't even realize Casey had stood up, already fixing her stuff.

"Yes—right, I'm going to tell the Marshall I'm going back to the hotel." The word hotel pricks at her skin and she wants to scratch it off as soon as she says it. She didn't want to go to a hotel. She wanted to be with Casey, and they both knew that. That's what she tells by the way Casey's expression drooped slightly, maybe she was expecting Alex to go stay in with her, after what happened last night—

"-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to impose—" Casey said, as if knowing what Alex was thinking.

"N-No, you weren't. In fact, I actually considered it too until they handed me a note and told me it'll be safer to be staying somewhere that isn't in papers." Alex fidgeted with her hands right after she got up, trying to help Casey with the files, still stuck up with nerves.

"Oh," Casey stops stacking up the files on her desk and takes a few step closer to Alex. Alex knew she couldn't look up, felt Casey's breath near her face, could smell Casey's distinct perfume that's still burning in her skin. "Look at me, Alex."

Alex meets her gaze, afraid of what Casey would see in her if she really looked. Casey lifts her arms up, her hands cupping the sides of her face, "I believe in you." Alex leaned into the touch, loved the warmth Casey's hands and presence offer her, and her words so much more. She could feel Casey slowly lean in, their lips gently making contact. Slowly, they pulled away. Alex scanning Casey's face for fear and finding none pleased her and then Casey suddenly spoke up,

"I wanted to do that before court but-"

"I know."

The case was on a fast track. Alex hated how fast tracked it was. Today was verdict day and it put her on the edge but not as much as Casey. She had barely seen Casey outside court. She had barely got to see Casey with that carefree smile on her face. All she saw was Casey on the edge, stressed, albeit still smiling but only for show. Alex could tell.

Alex managed to convince the Marshall that Casey's apartment could be considered a safe house too and she slept in with Casey. Honestly, it was more of Alex telling Casey to stop bothering herself with the case and that she covered everything already for her closing remarks and give it a rest. A phrase Alex Cabot, who overworked herself to death, figuratively and literally, didn't think she'd tell to someone or something that's not a mirror her whole life.

Casey is cuddled close to her once again, muttering incoherence, though Alex was pretty certain it was Casey's sleepy way of saying her name. She smiled when Casey stirred and only cuddled closer to her. Alex almost forgot how it was like to be with women. Alex forgot how it was like to love and be loved back unconditionally. Alex forgot how love worked and that it wasn't business transactions and power. Alex remembers now, from how Casey kisses her, from how Casey touches her gently, from the way Casey's voice goes softer when she talks to Alex, everything about Casey made her remember how it is supposed to be like.

She looks at Casey, the way the sunlight seeps through the bedroom window kisses her alabaster skin almost made Alex think they were made out of a movie. Alex draws circles at the small of Casey's back where her hand is resting, then her other arm trying to brush away red strands of hair off Casey's face.

Alex felt at peace watching Casey. Not stressed, sleeping and mostly muttering her name. Alex finds herself wishing for this time to never end, for time to just freeze right here and Alex would hold the remote to decide when she can let it play itself again. Or she wouldn't, she'd just let them be here at this point, in peace, together.

Guilty on all counts.

Guilty on all counts.

The words reverberate inside Casey's body and the drumming song that had been playing ever since she knew she was going to try Alex's shooter had simmered into triumphant rhythms. Relief washes over her, even for a bit as she flutters her eyes close still even after the verdict were announced. She wanted to hold Alex then. Wanted to do so much more than hold her. She knows Alex was watching her. She always was watching her and it used to intimidate Casey. It still intimidated her but in some of the trial, rather in most, as Alex chose to be in most of it, she wanted Alex to watch her. To look at her.

Casey wanted to win with everything she can. So she turns around with a repressed smile, which soon becomes a genuine smile when she sees Alex smiling back at her. That was all she wanted: to see the glimmer back in Alex's eyes.

Everything might not have been back to normal but at least now, Alex could come home.

"We have to relocate you."

Never did a sentence enrage everything inside of Alex. Mostly because she couldn't object. Just like the last time. She doesn't want this to be like the last time. So she looks at Hammond in aghast, she wasn't going to bite her tongue this time.

"Connors is gone for good—"

"We have to make sure there aren't any ripples of this news, Cabot."

She couldn't object to that. But Alex wanted to come home—to Casey, for good, this time. She stands up from the chair and rakes her hands through her blonde locks. An impending panic simmering at the back of her head. Hammond only looks at her. She's chipping away on the skin on the side of her fingers again. Fuck - and Casey expected she'd come home—she can't do this to her again-she just can't bear to.

"Let me say goodbye to her-just Casey. I can't go and not tell her this time—please."

But Hammond is already halfway out of the room. Casey and the others had probably made their way to Casey's office, in celebration as Casey noted after they had to part ways for a moment. (It would've been their office, god.) She flutters her eyes close in pent up anger at this whole need for protection and she sees Casey looking back at her in court. In a controlled bask, all directed to her. God, she has to tell her-she has to apologize—in person.

Hammond stops by the door and turns around, "Sorry, Alex."

Alex knows he is. But he can never be sorrier than she is. She asks him for a favor, with her eyes instead and he just nods. God, she didn't want to do this to Casey—not again. She swore never again.

She asked me to say goodbye.

Words hurt. That's all they're supposed to do. They're not supposed to break the person beyond repair. At least that's what Casey thought, only for her to be proven otherwise right now. The hand that she was using to raise the glass intended for a toast for Alex turned weak as soon as the words registered in her mind. When it will clear to her, she has no idea.

Casey thinks Hammond is turning around to leave—hasn't he delivered enough bad news already? Instead, he walks to her and draws a letter out of his coat pocket.

"There wasn't time for her to say goodbye in person but she specifically told me to give this to you, Miss Novak." Her hands almost dart out fast to get the piece of envelope in her grasps-she managed not to and control herself.

She would read the letter later, when she's home. Casey dismisses everyone into the night. She didn't want to but she had to be on her own. She could tell Liv but—god knows what Olivia would think of them.

When she's finally alone, she opens it and inside comes with the letter is a photo of them that even Casey wasn't aware of its existence. Alex probably took it those times she was utterly bored. Maybe that was the time she'd been fiddling around Casey's apartment and told Casey she found a camera.

Tears fall down on her cheeks. It was of her cuddled to Alex in her—their couch as—well they were probably arguing about something here, yet Alex's hand held hers and she was only looking down at Casey, the redhead's back saddled to her, with loving eyes.

Alex is really one for the dramatics.

Casey flips the photo. And she could see Alex's smile, albeit bittersweet, still a smile while writing the few words she'd written.

This farewell is temporary, my love. I will come back home to you.

Your Alex

I hope that was a worthwhile read and I have most of this fic planned out. See how it ended like that? A tad bit happier than usual. Don't know about the next chapter though. And yes, the letter, you will see the contents of the letter in the next chapters...