She is twenty three, and killing is a way of life.

The hows and the whys don't matter to her. The Serpents teach her all she needs to know. They teach her how to silence someone who has been trading state secrets to people they really shouldn't be talking to, how to interrogate and torture, and spy. How to exchange secrets and how to protect people by using force if necessary.

(It always is necessary)

She is used to it by now. It has been six years of training and espionage, and while it is a gang she is part of, she doesn't do it out of desperation. The Serpents are her family. She would die for them if she has to

She is twenty three, when her life changes.

"Target's name is Cheryl Blossom. Sophomore year in college. Lives in an apartment just off-campus, alone."

"Should be easy," Toni notes, filing her nails while sitting on the edge of Jughead's desk.

"She's in college, so don't rush. They've given you about two months to do it, so make sure you tie up any loose ends before you leave."

"Consider it done," she responds, still working on her nails.

"Doesn't it bother you?" bursts out of Betty in a rush. They're all sitting in the huge office, almost empty because it's already 11 at night, Jughead, Betty, Sweet Pea and Veronica, and everyone holds their breath as soon as the question is asked.

Toni turns to look at her, slowly "If it did bother me, I certainly wouldn't tell you now, would I?"

They don't need to know it bothers her. They don't need to know about the fact that she takes pills to help her sleep most days of the week, that either way, she wakes up in the middle of the night screaming her head off, imagining the blood on her skirt, on her waitress uniform, on her pants, in her eyes.

(Always a different uniform, always a different bleeding person.

The screams are the same though. The dying look in their eyes similar. The same mix of terror melding into resignation)

The fact that they are all terrible people doesn't matter. It doesn't matter because they all mostly have families, families they have secrets from but families nonetheless. People who love the person wearing the mask, who are waiting for them to come home at the end of the day. It doesn't matter because while their suffering ends as soon as most of the blood has run out of their bodies, Toni's starts then. It starts the moment she finishes rolling up the body into a rug and disposing of her slick plastic coat, the minute she gets home, gets into the shower and watches the blood run into the drain. It starts the second she falls into bed and closes her eyes.

But what is the point of saying it out loud? It won't help. Talking about it to Betty fucking Cooper certainly won't. Sometimes she sits with Sweet Pea, with Veronica on the couch, drinks the strongest scotch she can find, and they both silently acknowledge the carnage they've wreaked in people's lives. That feels good, having someone by her side who knows what it's like. But at the end of the night, Sweet Pea is a Serpent through and through, Veronica goes home to her pathetically puppy-dog-like (and sweet, but she'd never admit that out loud) Secret Service boyfriend, Archie, and Toni collapses into her cold bed alone.

And that's fine. It's alright that she's alone. Her life is a complicated mess, and bringing someone else into it would fuck her plans up.

This is fine. This is easy.

Cheryl blows her away.

On some level, Toni assumes it's because of the way she is. Cheryl is that kind of person. The kind of girl who sneaks her way into your heart, simply because of how bright, and smart and funny she is. And beautiful, of course. Cheryl likes to think she is above irrelevant factors like physical appearances, but even she has to admit that she is one of the most beautiful people she has ever seen in her life. Sparkling eyes, fiery-red hair, and soft-looking lips, she is the kind of girls who turns heads.

In retrospect, Toni should have known she'd be collateral damage.

She is fine, until she is not.

It's fine during recon. She scopes out the girl, gradually starts talking to her and builds up an acquaintance. Gets her number over an excuse of exchanging class notes and does her usual gig of flipping her hair, flirting a little, pulling out her seduction techniques. And it's going fine, until the night of the milkshake.

Cheryl looks at her under the lights of the tiny diner (Pop's, she thinks), and there is something so sad, so melancholy about her eyes when she talks about her mother, that it feels like she is drowning, like this is something that is way out of her control. She doesn't mean to say the things she does, (it was a lie, something to gain her trust, she would tell Jughead and Veronica later, and they'd look at her with eyes that somehow know more than she does) but it slips out anyway, and when Cheryl's voice involuntarily cracks, Toni puts her hand on top of her. She tells her that she isn't loveless or deviant.

She tells her she is sensational.

For the first time in her life, she wants someone to believe her.

She doesn't realize how or why or when it happens.

The Serpents haven't taught her this.

She knows how to kill a man fifty different ways, just using her two hands, and yet, all of it is no use when Cheryl holds her right one excitedly to show her a cute dog she sees when they're walking in the park. She can strangle someone in about thirty seconds, and it doesn't help when Cheryl sleepily rests her head on her shoulders when they're done watching their third movie of the night. She knows twenty different ways of having a chokehold on someone, and yet, can't shake off the one Cheryl has on her heart.

The world doesn't seem to be divided into targets and not-targets anymore, it is now a blur of wildflowers and blue skies and helium balloons and so much laughter her heart almost can't take it anymore. It's changed from dark-greys and blacks to red and blue and yellow and green, and Toni thinks

This is what it's like.

She tries to put everyone off. Makes up ridiculous excuses justifying why she hasn't ended the girl yet. Jughead, who is her official handler manages the higher-ups at the Serpents, and doesn't say anything, but she can see his eyebrows raising just a fraction of a second when she checks in with him every night. All of it to get just one more day with Cheryl, One more day, she thinks, one more walk. One more movie night.

And she thinks she is handling it, until the night Cheryl kisses her.

"I," she fumbles, stepping away after one long, sweet moment "I…..can't."

Cheryl looks embarrassed "I'm sorry, Toni, I just…..I just thought you….."

She backs away, says something about having to go, and runs away.

She runs away because this is already too much. It's just been a month, and she is in too deep. She thinks of the girl all the time, daydreams about her in class, while doing missions, before she closes her eyes at night. She runs away because she has orders to kill Cheryl and while she trusts her family, she can't

She can't hurt Cheryl. It's physically impossible for her to do it. She wants to cover her up in bubble wrap, to protect her from anything and everything that could possibly harm her. Including herself. She runs, because love, is going to ruin her life.

She thinks it already has.

She goes back after two days, apologizing for her freak-out, and they kind of go back to normal. It's still awkward though, with a lot of side-stepping and a lot of lingering glances, but try as she might, Toni cannot stop herself from falling in love any more than she can stop the sun rising. It's inevitable, and unstoppable like a force of nature, and like a force of nature, it's shaken her entire world around.

This goes on for a week.

This goes on till the night of the fight.

"Toni?" Cheryl asks, sleepy and surprised as she opens the door at one in the night "What's going on?"

Toni steps forward into the light, and Cheryl gasps as the light reflects off the mess she assumes her face looks like right now, with all the cuts and the bruises and the punches.

"I didn't," she starts, her voice cracking, because she is so, so, tired "I didn't know what to…."

Cheryl understands, without her saying the entire thing and pulls her in. She sits her on the couch, brings out her first-aid kit, and cleans the wounds up with so much tenderness she can't breathe.

"You're not going to ask me what happened?" she breaks the silence after all of it is done and they're just staring at each other.

"If you want to tell me, you can," the other girl tells her "I'm not going to ask you."

And oh, this is why she loves her so. This is why she makes her heart stop and stutter, and her breath catch in her throat. It's because Cheryl Blossom is Cheryl Blossom, and somehow she is the best person in the world, the most beautiful part of this universe, and now that Cheryl knows her, she cannot bear to lose her.

She lets her lead her to the bed, watches as she pulls a blanket over her, tells her goodnight, and then she reaches out and holds her wrist.

"Could you…..?" she asks, and Cheryl looks torn for a moment before she acquiesces.

She lays there, her eyes closed; assuming Cheryl has gone to sleep as she mentally goes over why this is all so wrong. She thinks of the Serpents and her mission and her duty, and she thinks over all the consequences of this entire thing, and yet, and yet, all of the reasons don't matter as she feels Cheryl's arm over her midsection. As she feels Cheryl breathe on her cheek. As she imagines her heart beating right next to her.

She keeps her breathing steady as she suddenly feels movement beside her. Cheryl shifting positions, she thinks for a moment, before she hears her talk.

"I know you can't tell me what's going on, but I do wish you didn't have to go through it all alone. I just…..Toni, I wish you'd let me be there for you."

"I can't sleep," Toni starts talking, in the middle of what seems to be a confession. She doesn't know why she does it. It just feels like something the other girl should know.

"I can't sleep. I don't sleep properly. I have nightmares."

"Okay?" Cheryl says, surprised and sounding adorably confused "Okay, you have nightmares."

"I just mean," she continues "I might wake you up with my screaming, and my thrashing and….."

Cheryl stares at her gently for a moment, before she leans down and presses a soft kiss to her lips.

"Goodnight, Toni," she says, and lays down with her head on Toni's chest.

Toni sleeps for eight hours straight.