Chapter 15:

Disclaimer: I do not own the proper level of respect for authority that would allow me to write a proper disclaimer, and I'm sorry for that.

AN: Wisdom Teeth removal is not fun… Due to that as well as a pile up of schoolwork, this chapter is a little later than usual and The Dead Space King will be getting updated a good bit later than planned.

In response to chadtayor020 from the last chapter, I've actually never seen the Evil Dead movies, so the reference was in fact entirely unintentional. Though I suppose that makes it funnier really.

Thanks to Reddit user SylphofBlood's idea's (check out her stories at adultfanfiction and deviantart, her profile is Philippa MaQuente) this chapter contains memos for Heinkel and Yumie for the first time since chapter 1. It may be worth noting that it involves characterization used in Hirano's oneshot manga Crossfire, as well as the Hellsing fancomic And Shine Heaven Now. I highly recommend reading both, and the former especially will likely be useful in understanding any aspect of their characters used that aren't mentioned in the main Manga and OVA's.

A Memo to the Following Members of the Hellsing Organization, from

Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing:

Alucard: I'm genuinely at a loss in regards to how you managed to keep several months worth of blood from your kills fresh, but in substituting Hellsing Manor's water supply with that blood I believe you've succeeded once more in giving everyone long term nightmares. In particular, I believe the Wild Geese were quite bothered when they turned on the showers after returning from a mission. I honestly have to ask, do you have some sort of schedule? Do you calculate how long the nightmares from each incident you cause will last, so you can give everyone new ones after people are just starting to get their sanity back?

Seras Victoria: Despite your hatred of daylight, I will not fund a project set up a giant platform covering all of Hellsing Manor to block out the sun. Addendum: Your threats to get Alucard to set up another massive disaster if I don't pay for your wall are entirely empty, seeing how he views the sun with an odd sort of nostalgia, and isn't likely to support a project to interfere with his view of it.

Walter C. Dornez: Much like I forbade you from taking away my regular cigars, I stanchly forbid you from taking away my "special" cigars as well. Addendum: I do not have a "problem" and I resent your insinuations that I do. We all have our coping mechanisms for dealing with Alucard, and mine isn't any worse than your violently stabbing a picture of him while muttering "one of these days" is.

Pip Bernadotte: While I fully understand how… difficult having Alucard as your coworker can be, I don't believe going to work for the Vatican instead would be a wise course of action. Consider for a moment how intolerable Alucard is when he's on your side, then ask yourself if you really want to be with the people fighting him.

A Memo to the Following Members of the Iscariot Organization, from

Enrico Maxwell

Alexander Anderson: I'm going to have to ask that you resort to more orthodox methods of vampire hunting. Blessing the local water supply of the town you were sent to and then proceeding to flood the entire area may have, admittedly, killed all the vampires, but it also caused severe water damage and the Vatican is being sued for quite a lot of money. The Pope is not happy with the expenses we've been racking up, of that you can be quite certain.

Heinkel Wolfe and Yumiko/Yumie: Vatican members have been reporting rather strange noises coming from the various broom closets around headquarters, and state that upon investigation, they found the two of you stumbling out and looking rather out of it. What exactly where you two doing in there?

A Memo to the Following Members of the Letztes Battalion, from The Major

Warrant Officer Schrodinger: I am highly disappointed that you feel the need to ask why we simply don't have you add your blood to one of Alucard's blood bags and finish him off like that. Surely you can see how boring such a thing would be? Where's the violence, the spectacle of it? Honestly, you sound like Herr Doctor with his "rational strategies".

The Captain: Please refrain from getting people to play "fetch" with you at the dinner table. You have a tendency to knock things over, and I'd rather my food wasn't spilled on the floor. Of course, having other peoples food pushed closer to me where I could subtly steal portions of i- I mean ensure it stayed on the table was rather nice.

Herr Doctor: You are going to have to find some way to dispose of the lab rats you use for experiments. Everyone is getting rather tired of waking up in the middle of the night to find a vampire rodent gnawing on their arm. Not to mention, all these mice running around is highly unsanitary, especially when they get into the kitchens where my-ahem, our food is made.