A/N: When I say that I relate most to Ren/Kuon I can assure you that I am 100% honest in that assessment. I am hard working to the point where my boss both praises my work ethic and reminds me to rest and delegate duties. I hate myself so much that I never think I deserve love or compliments or rest. I am not fishing for those now, but I feel I have to explain and give my readers a reason. I owe you that much at least.

When I say that I am like Kuon I mean that my father was always my hero. He was an artist and he taught me to draw and encouraged me to sew and take things apart to make other things and I thought he could fix anything. He came to the US with nothing and with my beautiful mother he created us a home filled with books and art and music and so much love. No matter how much I grew to hate myself due to outside forces I always knew that he loved me.

He wasn't perfect but my father was mine. Which is why I don't know if I can return to writing in the foreseeable future. My dad died Friday morning you see. My hero is gone and I'm so afraid. I feel so lost and heartbroken.

Please I'm not asking for condolences, I've gotten those everywhere I turn. I have five siblings and multiple people offering me counseling free of charge. I just need your understanding and if possible, help with my stories. If someone wants to take over my remaining stories, I can send you the outlines and partial chapters I have. If not than I'm sorry I don't know when, if ever, I'll be able to finish.