Date Night

The table made a small creak.

I bit my lip to stop myself from making any inappropriate comment. The table was not meant to be sit on and likewise, her weight was none of my business. "Sensei?"

A can of cold beverage was placed near my arm. I looked at the label. It contained alcohol. I snorted in derision. Of course, only this woman would think of providing alcohol to one of her students out of her volition. I should not make judgement. But it was really getting difficult not to judge her every single decision. I looked at the beverage and then looked past it. Her hips were resting on the edge of the table, facing me and looked down upon me from the added height, which came from sitting on top of the table. I watched her cross her legs and saw the fabric of her skirt rise up her thighs. The stockings she wore underneath were tasteful.

I gulped and looked up to meet her eyes.

Like I suspected, her cheeks were flushed and her eyes were dilated. Her fingers were curled around a can of beverage. It was of the same brand she had offered me. Of course, the woman was drunk. Once again. I should have expected nothing else. Unfortunately, my look was discernible enough to warrant a response. The woman crossed her arms underneath her breasts and looked down at me with a pout on her lips.

"Don't look so cross, Hikigaya. If you don't want the drink, then I can drink it for myself. I just thought you would love the idea of sharing your first drink with me. Guess, I was wrong, eh."

"You seem to forget that I am not old enough to drink, sensei." I took the proffered can of alcohol and slid it to my side of the table and most importantly, away from her immediate reach. "I am also trying to not get myself suspended or worse, get yourself fired over a small lapse of judgement on your part, made under the influence of alcohol."

"It's really cute how you worry about everyone." The woman reached out and patted me on the shoulder. "Girls find it really attractive, you know. I wish I had a guy like you in my life, when I was your age, you know. I might have turned out a bit different then, could have been better than I am right now and would probably be less depended on alcohol and cigarettes to get past the day."

"I don't think you need a guy to get over your bad habits, you know. If you are serious enough, you can just quit. Cold turkey. Or you can check into rehab. Those seem to work, I think." Truthfully, I did not want to think too much about this situation. The talk about me being cute made me feel kind of embarrassed and she said those words while touching my shoulders. It felt warm and nice. But the sad look of regret flashing across her face made me feel, remorseful. Her wish of having someone like me in the past did not seem to make any sense to me. Then again, drunks were not supposed to make sense from the very outset. Perhaps, he was a little too taken by her words.

"I think if I got knocked up, I would quit." She spoke up abruptly, with a look of deep contemplation set upon her grave face and I had to remember not to speak up and cut her off when she went off on a completely different tangent all together. "I think I am not heartless enough to risk the health of my unborn child, you know. I think I will at least have the strength of will to quit the cigarettes and alcohol in a heartbeat if I fell pregnant."

"…You are not pregnant, are you?" It was too late to realise that I had asked her an extremely invasive question. It was none of my business really, I had to remind myself. But it did make me worry about her even more. It never did make much sense to me. My worry for her was baseless, and unwanted, and, unneeded. I was not an adult. I was not her brother. I was not her lover. I was only one of her students. Yet, I felt ill at ease and also tried to be cheerful. "Not that I think you would make an awful mother or anything. I mean, you are a good teacher and I think, those same skills can be worked into motherhood, if you can get a little creative."

I seemed to have spoken a bit too much on this particular subject and it seemed to have made her a tad bit uncomfortable with me. I would have expected as much, drunk or not. But then I heard her snort in the most unladylike manner imaginable and I was a little taken aback by the humour she supposedly found in my words. I expected a slap on the face, in the least. Instead, I was greeted by the sound her laughter.

"Your faith in my motherhood is appreciated, Hikigaya. Though, I think I should be more insulted by the fact that you think I would be stupid enough to get pregnant in the first place. Besides, a pregnancy would ruin my figure. I won't get laid if I grow fat you know. I know there are a few guys who have some kind of weird pregnancy fetish, but I am not that desperate. Well at least not yet, anyways. Besides, I still think I have a few good years left in me, don't you think?" She ran a hand down the side of her dress, straightening the fabric across her figure and it accentuated her curves like I expected. I found it hard to look away. I imagine I was being a pervert then, staring at her cleavage like any other creep. "I guess you do." I found her giving me a flirty smile. I was a little too distracted to watch her take out the small square package from her clutch and it was only when it was dangled in front my eyes, did I realise what it was. She gave me a playful wink. "I always carry a bunch of these on date night. So, don't worry about me too much. I can take care of myself just fine."

I should have stopped there. This conversation was definitively diving into certain uncharted boundaries. I was extremely certain that this woman did not make it a habit of taking out condoms and showing it to random students to prove her point. But then again, I was the student, stupid enough to broach the subject of pregnancy with her in the first place. I had no business making comments about the men in her life. Like I said before, I should not care. But I did, unfortunately. "Correct me, if I am wrong, but shouldn't it be the guy's responsibility to buy condoms."

She scoffed in derision. "The guys I generally fuck don't give two fucks about responsibility. It's too much to ask them, I guess, to go to the pharmacy and buy a condom. Besides, I don't think they even remember how to wear one after they see me naked on the bed. And don't even get me started on the half hearted excuses they make. If they can't hold an erection while wearing a condom, then I suggest they take a pill, and not make up some stupid bullshit about not being able to feel all of me and some other stupid nonsense. I remember one bastard, being all smug and such and going so far as to say that he doubted if any of the condoms would even fit him. Well, it fit him alright. And it left way too much space at the tip, way more than the usual, if you know what I mean." She gave me a wink and looked incredibly smug, while leaving me feeling extremely uncomfortable. I wondered whether I was taking an advantage of her drunkenness. "He had a really small dick, in case you didn't get what I mean." Usually, she is not supposed to be this much frank with any of her students. She had no business telling me about her sex life, and yes, I will call it her sex life, because even for a person like me, I could tell that she never did feel anything close to love for any of the men in her life. It was then did I realise myself of having fallen under her unwavering gaze. "I'm sorry. Am I boring you? I know you don't really talk much anyways, but I at least expected a small mumble in response to all the shit I said. Or does talking to me seem like too much work for you nowadays, eh." Once again, she ran a hand down her figure and this time around, I was able to at least not look too much like a creep. "Look, I even dressed up all sexy and shit. You should at least give me a compliment before ogling at my boobs, you know. It's considered good manners. Didn't your club mates teach you any of this stuff?"

"Yukinoshita is flat and I don't stare at Yuigahama." It was the truth. Earlier I used to make the mistake of staring at her breasts, completely by accident, I tell you, but unfortunately, our clubroom president took offense. I still flinch at the memory even now. It was too ghastly to forget.

"So you stare at me, instead." She waited a beat and then nodded her head. "I guess I could take that as a complement. Thanks Hikigaya. I know I am hot. Way hotter than the girls in my class. In fact, I think I am the hottest girl in our school."

"Woman." I corrected without thinking.

"Excuse me!?" Of course, she would take offense.

"You are the hottest woman in our school, I mean." I repeated, trying to dig myself out of the shallow grave in my near distant future. "I can't picture you quite like a girl to be honest, and it's not a age thing, I assure you. It's just, you talk and act a certain way which I don't normally find myself associating with the girls I interact with on a daily basis. Yukinoshita tries her best to talk about the real world, normal day to day stuff, but she can't, because she leads a more sheltered life and she will never be like the rest of us. I think she will always be there, locked away in her ivory tower, no matter how much she wants to be different. As for Yuigahama, she is too nice and I think she expects everyone else to get along with each other, simply because she herself can get along with even the worse of individuals and see the good in them. But I think that's just simply a misguided approach to life. She is too naïve and can easily be manipulated by other for their selfish needs and that makes me feel worried about her." I looked at her now, trying to piece together the words that needed to be said. "But when I talk to you I can't picture either of them. I find glimpses of everyone in someone. But that doesn't seem to be the case with you." I took a small breath and let it out, slowly. "For better or worse, I think you are different."

"Nah," She denied, easily. "I am just bitter."

"That too." I insisted.

"It wasn't always like that, though. I wasn't always like this. Guess it's no use taking offense to. Like you said, I am not a little girl anymore- Presenting Hiratsuka Shizuka, the grown ass woman." This time, when she made a gesture to herself, it was devoid of any sexual connotations and it made her feel smaller, somehow, trying to crawl back into herself, ashamed of what she had become. "But, I was once like them, you know. It might be difficult for you to imagine now, but I do remember having an ideal outlook towards the world and always hoping for the better. I pictured myself falling in love, getting married, having a lovely husband, a couple of kids and then…I don't know. Guess, I didn't have much imagination, even back then." She sighed, tired from the internalisation. "It will be a lie to say I am happy. I most certainly am not and things could have gone a lot better. But on the bright side, things could have gotten a lot worse." A look of sad contemplation fell on her face. "I might have ended up completely alone."

"And what's wrong with being alone?" I asked, stubbornly. "There is less chance to get hurt if you are alone. More often than not, it's the people you care about, it's the people you love that end up hurting you in the first place. True, it's hard being by your lonesome, having no one to count on, no one to depend to during your time of need. But then you give up on false expectations and learn to handle everything yourself. To me, it's better."

"No it's not. You just don't know it yet." She told me, defiantly. "Trust me, you think you will always get used to the loneliness, but one day you will wake up and you will just want to scream the loudest you ever had, because you want someone to listen, someone to throw open the door and ask you if you are doing alright." I noticed that she had stopped drinking awhile back. "You will want people to care for you. It's human nature to show you care." A disgruntled look crossed her eyes. "Now, you can't expect them to care for you the way you want, so you have to compromise, accept what they are willing to offer and understand, what you are willing to give in return." She took a drink and then wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. "Some nights, I want to fall asleep and not wake up alone." A scowl set upon her features. "And if people want to judge me for it, then they can go fuck themselves."

"There is no judgement from my end." I explained, quickly. "Believe me, at the end of the day, I just want you to be happy. But I am not going to lie; I don't like the men you normally date."

"You sound like my dad. And like I said to him last week: I don't date, I fuck." I made a face at her summation and she laughed out loud. "Wow, you even make the same face. You sure we are not related or something."

"I hope not." I grumbled. "And I don't know about your father, but I only worry about you, because the guys you told me about, don't seem to treat you right. Hell, you said they make stupid excuses over wearing a simple condom."

"They do! But I take care of it, now don't I?"

"How?"

The heat of her gaze made me melt and then she bent down and whispered into my ears, brushing her lips accidently with my earlobe. "I am very good at giving head."

My heart stopped beating for a second. Then I remembered the cruellest of joke. "…I forgot you were drunk."

"Hey," She smiled, teasing and nice. "You asked, pal."