-Your Pov-

WARNING THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS SUICIDAL DISCUSSION AND THOUGHTS

You slowly walked back towards the entrance knowing Odin was watching you and you didn't want to seem panicked. As soon as the door closed you slumped forward feeling sick, the room was spinning so you grabbed onto the wall. You couldn't remember which direction you had come from and where exactly you intended on going from here. You looked up trying to blink away all the tears that clouded your vision so you could see exactly where you were at this point. Guards three of them were walking towards you, every guard looked the same to you, same uniform, same helmet, and same hardened facial features. You turned blindly deciding to go in the other direction before you passed out but that only made you run into someone and fall. You looked up at who you ran into and it was another guard offering his hand to help you back up.

Six guards in total were surrounding you and panic set in promptly, you scooted away using the palms of your hands until your back hit the wall. Curling up and burying your head into your knees trying to remember to breathe, your hands started grasping at you hair. Their steps got closer that only scared you more, "go away, please go away," were the only words you could let out in a throaty sob. They were speaking but your words overtook theirs when you started screaming for them to leave you alone. A hand rested on your shoulder you didn't know whose it was but it only made you scream louder, "DON'T TOUCH ME, DON'T TOUCH ME, DON'T TOUCH ME." You were crying into your knees more so out of panic than sadness, you should have known your good mood wouldn't last it... never did.

A familiar voice shouted over your own, "(NAME) it is I Sif okay? Calm down it is my hand." It was reassuring but you still didn't want anyone to touch you, "Please stop touching me," she moved her hand and sighed. "They're just trying to report to their post and do their job." You raised your head and everyone was still there looking at you and your teary eyed mess of a face. Sif looked annoyed at you and your antics, "Can you make them leave?" you asked with your voice breaking through your sobs. " it is their job to be here right now, did any of them do anything?" you shook your head and lowered it back into your knees, "I'm scared," she squatted down in front of you her annoyed tone replaced with a nicer one.

"What are you scared of? I can make them go away if it will make you feel better." you looked up again focusing on her face, "why won't it stop... make it stop... please," her face got serious and she glared at the guards behind her to leave. "Do you want me to get Thor? I don't know how to help you I really want to but I don't think I'm the best person for this." This was the nicest she had ever talked to you before most likely only because you were having a mental breakdown. You weren't trying to be dramatic or bother anyone, every time you closed your eyes it was like you were back there. Every thought, feeling, memory, touch and voice flooded in your mind and wouldn't leave. You had been successful in blocking it all up till this point and you just wanted it to go back to when you choose not to remember. You wanted it to stop all of it no matter what you would have to do... "No, don't get Thor I'm fine I just want to be alone."

Sif's eyebrows furrowed, "I do not think that's a good idea, do you want to talk about it? What would Thor do to make you feel better?" It was a good question but you didn't know the answer either, "Talking makes it real," she sat down completely in front of you crossing her legs. "I can't help if I don't know how you are feeling, is it about Loki... do you want to see him? I can take you to him if it will make you stop crying." Her words made your eyes widen, "Really?" she nodded giving you a small smile. You let go of your hair and your hands were shaking involuntarily, you stood but almost collapsed since your legs were shaking just as much as your hands. "Are you sure you are okay?" she asked watching you struggle, "No I'm not alright, but it was just a little panic attack... can I still see him?" She sighed and nodded, "I do not break promises, and we just have to walk a little bit to get there. Will you be able to make it?" Your determination was far greater than how your body screamed to sit more in less distressed position, "Yeah its cool." you shrugged straightening up your back and waking more casually.

"I believe I owe you an apology," she sighed breaking the silence, "What for?" "I don't know it just feels appropriate, you are more badarse than I originally thought." you wiped your eyes roughly and straightened out your dress, "Crying on the floor because some people walked past me isn't badass at all." She turned so that she was looking at you while she walked, "You have been through a lot and I think I down played that because of my jealousy. I think it is remarkable you are still alive thriving after all you have dealt with." "Not by my choice, I'm tired... I just can't win no matter what I I can't seem to win. When I feel good and things seem brighter and less draining something happens to ruin it. My life in a constant repeat of failure trust me there's nothing to be jealous over, the only reason I'm still dealing with it is because I promised someone I would and not take the easy way out. I swore i wouldn't die but i'm really fucking tired and it's really hard." Sif was at a loss for words so you filled in the uncomfortable silence.

"Can I ask you something and be honest," Sif guided you further down the halls and urged you to continue. "Does everyone know that Sigyn and Loki were married once... even Thor? And if so why did they split." She gushed in surprise at your question, "You did not know? Well I guess that is like Loki not to share something like that with you. Everyone knows but nobody understands why they split, some say it was because Loki had other men and women he was interested in. Others say Sigyn was the whore and ran a brothel so when Loki found out he was furious and left her. My theory is that he did something to her just so unforgivable and she couldn't take it anymore." It wouldn't shock you if that is what happened it sounded like him, you were mad at him really mad but at the same time you still craved him to comfort you. "This is it," Sif remarked pointing to a dark oak door, "There's a magic barrier on his cell that keeps him from exiting but I suppose I can lift it momentarily for you. Just do not tell anyone I did because the All-father would be furious I even might have given him the chance to escape." she said as she opened the door for you, " I won't tell anyone about this I can assure you that." She led you down into the darkness where all your pain stemmed from and it only made you think

Maybe this was a bad idea.