AN: Here we go again. So I think it's been made clear that I enjoy royal fics. This is my second royal jily fic (and I haven't entirely forgotten TMWF, but that story is a behemoth.) This is jily-centric and different than anything else I've ever done. It's told in half flashback and I had a lot of fun writing it. It's not meant to be terribly long, but I don't really know what that means for the length honestly. Also I plan to update once a week as the chapters are long and I'm also working on some other things at the moment.

Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy

Faint Hearts and Fair Ladies

"Because we always have a choice, even when it feels like we don't."
― A.C. Gaughen, Scarlet

They'd been walking for almost two days straight.

Lily could say with the utmost certainty that this was the most physically demanding thing she'd ever done in her life. Her stomach was protruding out in front of her to the point where she could no longer see her feet, her ankles and fingers were stiff and her hair- dear god her hair. She was glad that she didn't have a mirror with her, so she couldn't see what a mess it must be.

And then her young son, bless his heart, he was doing his best to keep up with her when she could no longer carry him. He had just turned three and was small for his age, his little legs had to take three steps for every one of hers.

James carried him when he could, but he was spending much of his time scouting ahead with the one guard that had helped them escape the castle or doubling back to make sure that they weren't being followed. Watching him scamper about made Lily even more exhausted.

But they couldn't stop. Not until they knew they were safe.

"Mummy, my feet hurt," Harry said, his voice quiet as she'd already admonished him for complaining. She'd felt bad for doing it, but she was starting to feel rather helpless, as there was not much she could do to alleviate what he was complaining about. Telling him that they weren't going that much farther was not only a lie, but it had stopped working rather quickly.

She sighed heavily and nodded. "I know, my love." She said, squeezing his hand. She steeled herself for a moment and then stopped walking and reached over to pick him up again. Her stomach made it hard to carry him, as she wasn't that far out from when the baby was supposed to come, so she slid him around to her back and he took hold of her shoulders. At least when he was on her back the weight was more evenly distributed. It still wasn't easy to carry him, but she could manage for a while.

Remus jogged up to her, and she didn't know how he had the strength to jog, but she became slightly more alert at his pace. He gave her a soft smile and she tried to relax. It wasn't an easy task, but by the time that he reached her, she'd gotten her chest to release the tightness that had overtaken her a moment ago. Not entirely, as she hadn't been able to relax entirely since they'd started running from their castle.

"The king and I are quite certain that we haven't been followed. And we haven't seen anyone at all for hours. We should be safe here to set up camp and rest for the night." Lily could almost sob in relief.

"Are we going to have dinner?" Harry asked, squirming around on Lily's back in his excitement. He hadn't enjoyed this anymore than she had.

"Of course, we'll have dinner." Lily answered him before Remus could tell him that they didn't have food. She'd find something for her son to eat. He'd never had to go without before, and she wouldn't have him starve now.

Remus nodded, and hitched the pack he was carrying further up his shoulder. They hadn't been able to escape with much, and without Remus, Lily was sure that they wouldn't have made it as far as they had.

oOo

The doctor was smiling at the doorway, "Everything looks good, your majesty. You should expect to give birth to a healthy child fairly soon." Lily thanked him once more and then he was gone. The door closed behind her and her lady's maids helped her get dressed for dinner. She'd taken to wearing as little as she could get away with, as the castle was too hot for a severely pregnant woman to walk around comfortably while wearing layers upon layers.

Lily kept musing about how it was an unusually hot May and Marlene and Emmeline kept agree with her. They agreed with her about most things though, as she was their queen. She sometimes missed the days when she'd been only a noble girl, when she had good friends that weren't afraid to argue with her. She'd been very good at arguing before she'd married the king.

Marlene was running a comb through Lily's hair when they heard someone scream from outside Lily's door. Lily jumped to her feet instantly, her mind racing as she tried to remember where her son would be at this exact moment.

Remus burst through the door, Harry already in his arms and Lily rushed over to them. "What's going on?" She asked, looking Remus directly in the eye.

He gave her a grave look, and even though Remus was always fairly grave, it sent chills down to her toes. "We have to leave. Now." He said, grabbing her arm rather roughly and started pulling her down the corridor. She couldn't remember Remus ever having laid a hand on her before, but then she saw that the guards that had been stationed near the doors to her room lay on a heap on the ground.

For a split second she thought that maybe Remus had been the one to cut them down, but there were men that she didn't recognize as well, wearing masks, also on the ground. She had to move her feet quickly to avoid stepping on the doctor that had just promised her a healthy child. She brought her hand up to cover her mouth.

"Quickly now," Remus said, still pulling her along. She'd wanted to close her eyes as they continued down the corridor, she didn't want to see what had become of anyone else. She could hear Marlene and Emmeline moving quickly behind them, she could hear Harry crying against Remus's shoulder, and if she'd thought she could carry him and continue this speed she would have insisted that he hand over her son. But he kept hold of the both of them, and somehow managed to get them out of the castle without so much as a scratch.

oOo

James appeared next to her and carefully picked Harry up, his fingers barely brushing against her at all. "You two alright?" He asked, his voice tight. She'd heard him talk a great number of times, but most of them had been in front of crowds or nobles. There had always been a certain lilt to his voice that commanded respect. He had always been charming and charismatic, but that was gone now. His eyes were dull, his hair even seemed to lay flatter than it usually did. He seemed to have deflated.

"My feet hurt." Harry repeated his complaint to his father now and rested his chin on James' shoulder. "And I'm hungry. And tired."

"I'm right there with you, Harry." He said, reaching up to ruffle his hair. "How about we find a nice place for you and your mum to rest a while."

That however, was the same. He had never learned how to address Lily directly. Anything he said to her was either directed at both her and Harry, or just at Harry. She sighed and put her hand on her back, trying to stretch slightly.

"There's a stream this way," Remus said, looking over the strange little family, then nodding his head he started walking off. Lily let out another breath and started walking again. She wasn't sure if it was possible or not, but with how tight her ankles were feeling, she was worried that they might pop.

The walk to the stream felt much longer than it was, because she knew that they were stopping soon, and she had to bite her tongue to keep from asking Remus how much further it was. That was a question that Harry could get away with, but she couldn't complain. She wouldn't.

When the stream came into view Lily felt her feet start to move a bit faster, her desire to get off of them over powering her worries of exploding ankles. "Can you help me sit," She asked Remus, holding out her hand. It wasn't as though there were any chairs around, so she'd have to go all the way to the ground.

"Of course, your majesty." He said, taking her hand immediately and helping her lower herself to a sitting position.

"For the time being," Lily said, trying to get comfortable. "I think it'd be acceptable for you to call me Lily."

"You're still my queen," He shook his head.

"She's still the queen," James snapped, setting Harry down beside her. Lily looked up at him and saw a bit of fire finding it's way back there.

"Of course," Remus nodded.

"Those cowards aren't going to get away with this. They may be keeping my castle warm, but they're not going to be there long enough to get comfortable." Harry looked up at him.

"Is this where we live now?" He asked, looking around them curiously. "I think we'll get wet if it rains."

"This isn't where we live." Lily shook her head, putting a hand on his knee before James could answer him. She figured it might be difficult for him to switch tones so quickly and she didn't want him snapping at an overly exhausted toddler.

"We're just hiding from those men in the masks?" He asked, and Lily closed her eyes for a moment and the nodded again. "They were scary."

"They were," Lily nodded. "But we got away, and they can't hurt us all the way out here." She promised, hoping that what she was saying wasn't a lie.

"There's no reason for you to be scared." James said, and Lily very nearly rolled her eyes. She knew that that was a lie.

"Do you think Nanny McGonagall is alright?" He asked, looking up at James and she saw his face fall at the question. She had been James' nanny when he was a boy as well. Lily wished she were here. She would have known what to say to make Harry feel better.

"I'm sure she's alright." He nodded after a moment, the anger gone from his voice.

"I'll go and see if there are fish in the stream." Remus said, excusing himself. James nodded and then covered his face with his hands. There was no way to know if anyone back at the castle had made it out unscathed or if their bodies had joined the floor along with her doctor and the guards who had fought back.

Once Remus had left them alone, things fell quiet. Harry was exhausted and started staring out in front of him, not able to move much at all. Lily thought he'd sleep quite well tonight, despite the fact that they'd be on the ground. She'd sleep well too, hopefully.

She looked over at her husband and cleared her throat. He looked at her for a brief moment, and then averted his gaze in front of him. She didn't know why he did that. They'd been married for around four years now and she couldn't recall a single time when they'd managed to have a proper conversation. "I think it'd be best if one of us started a fire," Lily said, not wanting to tell him to start a fire since he'd seemed a bit testy about the amount of power they all still had only a moment ago, but she knew that she was in no fit state to do it. She didn't think she could stand at the moment.

"Right," He nodded and then pushed himself off the ground with relative ease. "I'll fetch some firewood."

"I'll stay with mum," Harry said quietly, leaning against Lily's shoulder and reaching out for her hand. She smiled down at him and pressed a kiss to the top of his head.

"That's good," James grinned. "Keep an eye on her, yes?"

"I will," Harry nodded. "And my baby brother or sister." Lily kissed him again. He really was a very sweet child, and while she still didn't know James all that well, she did appreciate the fact that he did nothing to dissuade him from being sweet. She knew that many men of power preferred their sons to be tough and commanding as soon as possible. And if that had been how James wanted to raise his son, it wouldn't have been Lily's place to argue with him.

Though she really did miss arguing.

oOo

"Would you hold still?" Petunia muttered, her words sounding off due to the hair pins she had pressed between her lips. Lily fidgeted some more simply in spite of her and then folded her hands on her lap and consented. "Honestly, if you don't let me finish your hair, then the prince is never going to want to marry you."

"Of course he's going to want to marry me." Lily scoffed. "I'm charming and vivacious and-"

"That was his mother's opinion of you," Petunia cut her off from reciting the letter that the queen had sent only that morning. Since then, Petunia and the girls' mother had been fawning over Lily, attempting to prepare her for her first meeting with Prince James.

"I've heard so many wonderful things about the prince." Lily said for perhaps the seventh time that day.

"I know," Her mother said, walking into the room with an armful of dresses. They hadn't had time to go out and get a new dress of course, so they had to made due with something they already had. Her mother thought that a nice green to bring out her eyes, Petunia had thought a pale blue as not to clash with her hair, and Lily's suggestion of yellow had been shot down almost immediately. Apparently, that wasn't a suitable color.

"The prince has done a great number of wonderful things for the kingdom and if you win his affection you'll find yourself in the most agreeable position this world has to offer you," Her mother smiled fondly at her youngest daughter as she laid the dresses out on the couch.

"So long as I don't wear yellow," Lily said, giving her mother a playful smile in return.

"You best make sure that you don't do any of that," Petunia tugged at a lock of her hair a bit harder than necessary.

"Do any of what?" Lily asked, narrowing her brow and pulling back so she could turn to look at her sister.

"I'm just making a suggestion. If you want to make a good impression on the prince, I wouldn't be so flippant with the words you choose to speak in his presence."

"Are you suggestion that I temper myself, Toony?" She asked, almost sounding amused.

"Yes," Petunia nodded. "And I've asked you to stop calling me that. Neither one of us are children anymore. It's unbecoming." Lily huffed and shook her head.

"I refuse to act unlike myself simply to try and win his favor. He'll either like me as I am, or I'll marry someone who does." She shrugged her shoulder and sat up straighter, so sure of herself in that moment.

"Oh darling," Her mother shook her head and continued laying out the dresses. "I don't want you to act unlike yourself of course, but Petunia does have a point,"

"I really don't think she does," Lily pursed her lips, ignoring her sister when she tugged at her hair a second time.

"Well he is the prince. You'd best be on your best behavior. He is, after all, accustomed to a certain sort of behavior in his presence."

"Well sure, but I don't think he'd prefer me to be too quiet or plain. After all, if that's what he wanted, he would have wed that princess that came to visit last month." Lily rolled her eyes and let out a breath of humorless laugh. "She was dreadfully dull. I couldn't get a complete sentence out of her."

"No one is asking you to be mute," Her mother pressed, and Lily shifted on her seat again.

"Well then what are you asking me to do?"

"Simply to be… more agreeable." Her voice got a bit quieter at the end and Lily now slouched.

"Agreeable? Do you find me unagreeable?"

"You're absolutely lovely of course," Mrs. Evans said quickly, picking up one of the dresses and looking it over, avoiding her daughters gaze.

"Then what do you mean?"

"You don't know when to stop talking." Petunia interjected and Lily scoffed.

"I most certainly do."

"You do not." It was Petunia's turn to roll her eyes. "You always go on, trying to have the last word, to prove that you're right when it doesn't matter who is right-"

"Of course it matters." Lily said as though her sister has suggested that the sun disappeared at midday, everyday for exactly three and a half minutes.

"It does not." Her mother said, causing the shocked expression to fall off Lily's face. "You're going to meet the prince, Lily. He wouldn't take kindly to you telling him he's wrong. Not that I think such an occasion will arise, but if it should happen, I just think it would be best if you didn't inform him of it."

Lily worried her lip and looked down at her feet, falling quiet for a few minutes. Petunia was able to finish her hair in the time and her mother had picked out a dress.

"You understand that we only wish to help you, yes?" Her mother said. "But he's the prince. Tempering this one component of your personality might be wise."

"Right," Lily nodded. "I suppose telling the prince that he's wrong about something wouldn't make a good impression. I can refrain from arguing for one evening." She saw her mother relax slightly and her sister grinned. "Honestly, you two have nothing to worry about. Did you read the letter that the Queen sent?" And then she was back to daydreaming about how wonderful everything was going to go.

oOo

Fish had never tasted so good as they did that night. Lily had refrained from licking the oil from the meat off her fingers for as long as she could, but she was still hungry after her fish was gone and it wasn't as though she had a napkin anyway.

She looked over at Harry and was slightly disappointed to see that he'd finished all of his fish as well. Remus had intentionally taken the smaller fish and given Harry quite a bit to eat, but he must have been hungrier than he'd ever been, because he'd never eaten an entire fish by himself before. She felt bad that Remus didn't have more to eat.

"I'll take the first watch." Remus said, jumping to his feet and taking a deep breath. "I suggest you all try and get some sleep."

"We owe you a great debt," Lily said, nothing but sincere.

"I'm just doing my job, your majesty." He said and then nodded his head. She didn't argue even though she disagreed, but she'd thank him again in the morning. It may have been his job a few days ago to take care of the king and queen and the prince, but it was also every other knight's job, and yet, he was the only one here. So she would thank him again.

Harry started nodding off before Remus had walked all that far away and Lily helped him to readjust so he was laying down. Then she shifted herself until she could comfortably lay onto the ground. Everything was quiet for a few moments, and Lily quite expected things to stay that way, but then James spoke up.

"He's shivering." He said, and Lily looked over at him and then where his gaze was. Harry was shivering. She looked at the fire but didn't want to chance getting him closer to it since he moved around in his sleep quite a bit.

She shuffled over some, until Harry was against her back, "Lay on the other side of him." She said, forgetting to word it as a suggestion.

James seemed to have noticed and looked at her for a moment, but then nodded. She watched him move over to Harry and then turned back around and rested her head on her hands. She couldn't tell if the ground was uncomfortable or not since her body was so exhausted and she was always uncomfortable

She felt Harry roll over beside her and then he was pressed up against her a bit more. He'd always been an affectionate kid. But then she felt James hand, almost tentative, rest where the dip in her waist use to be. Her eyes widened as she wasn't used to him touching her, not like this. This was intimate and familial.

"We're going to be alright." James said, his voice quiet. And when she paused to think about it, she wasn't sure if he was talking to her or to the baby. Regardless, she tried to take comfort in both his words and his closeness. "None of this was supposed to happen."

Lily couldn't help but agree with him, but she refrained from saying as much because she still didn't know if he was talking to her or not. He hardly ever spoke to her. And even if you took out the fact that they were currently running for their lives through the woods, this wasn't at all how she pictured her life going. She didn't think that this was the person that she would turn out to be, nor that this was the marriage that she was destined for. He was never unkind to her and so she tried not to complain, but she had hoped for more than distant civility in her husband.

Despite the unease on her mind now, the unease in her body soon over took her and she fell into a blissfully, deep sleep.

James had been told from the time he was very young that he was destined for greatness.

He wasn't so pigheaded to assume that he was the only prince to hear such things, or the only son to hear them either. He knew that all parents wanted their child to grow up prosperous and healthy. But he had always liked to assume that he was different than these other children.

His parents had been late in life before he'd come to them. The doctors had called it a miracle, his mother a blessing; the kingdom had an heir, and all would be well.

So he was a symbol of hope. A sign of good fortune to come. He'd been brought to two people who shouldn't have been able to have a child, and there had to be a reason for that.

And then the coup happened.

There had been whispers of course. There were always whispers, someone was always plotting to take down James Potter, the crowned prince and now King. That was how it went with any monarchy. But none of them had been able to get past his guards before. None of them had been able to get close enough to actually finish him off.

He pulled his family closer to his chest and squeezed his eyes shut. They were all he had left in the world. His young son, unborn child and a wife who rarely spoke more than two words in his presence. Even when he'd tried to comfort her earlier, she'd said nothing.

He could hear Remus moving around in the distance and took a deep breath, knowing that he'd soon have to go and relieve the man that had saved his life and the lives of his family. But every time he closed his eyes, he just saw all his men who had been cut down, men who's bodies he'd jumped over to get out of the castle in time.

Despite his aching feet, he wanted to get up and move around. The only thing that kept him where he was, was knowing that he was keeping his child warm in his current position. Lord knew that Harry needed his sleep. He'd been quite the little solider these past couple of days. And as much as James hated that he'd had to go through this, he was proud of him for the way he'd behaved.

He was proud of his wife too. Lily. They'd been married for four years and he still knew hardly nothing more than what he'd learned the first day that he'd met her. If pressed, he'd say that that was the last time that they'd truly talked to one another, but even then, there had been other people there.

And because he didn't know her, he had expected complaints of the circumstances that they'd found themselves in. He would have understood her complaints. They walked a great distance with very little food or rest and she was extremely pregnant. The doctor had informed him that she would give birth very soon, and that had been a week ago. He had no idea what he'd said the last time Lily had seen him, or if she'd even managed to see him before the attack.

That was just another thing for him to add to his to-do list. They needed to find a doctor and make sure that everything was okay.

Almost immediately upon having that thought, he felt Lily's stomach move. He opened his eyes to check if she were awake, but she was still not moving. Then her stomach moved again, but it felt more as though it were pushing against his hand really. He narrowed his brow. Was that the baby? He'd never felt a baby moving around in it's mother's stomach before. He felt a smile tugging at his lips.

He'd have to find someplace safe for them before this little one joined the world. He couldn't have them born in the middle of the woods. He wasn't sure if he felt that way because he was king and it wasn't good enough for any child of his, or simply because he didn't think anyone should be born into the mess they were currently in.

Most likely a mixture of both.

And soon, with a smile still on his face, he fell deep into sleep.

oOo

His mother was fairly impressed with this girl, and that didn't usually happen so James was keen to keep an open mind this time. He hadn't gone into any of the other meetings expecting much, but he knew that his parents were getting impatient, because the longer he put this off, the older they got, and in the words of his father; "The less likely we are to see you married!"

So there was a girl that his mother liked, and he was going to smile when he met her. Upon her request, but still, he would do it. He always did as his mother asked.

It was a dinner, and the girl's parents and sister were coming with her. There was something homey about the fact that she wasn't a princess, but a noble lady from the city- well not the city so much as a farm surrounding the city, but still. She was a subject of his, and that somehow made her feel more familiar, even if he didn't know her. He'd heard her name before, both her family name, and her actual name. And not just because his mother liked her.

He walked into the room behind his parents and too his seat at his mother's side. Normally he sat next to his father, but his mother had asked for him to sit next to her so she could facilitate conversation better between their family and the Evans'. She seemed genuinely excited about this and James reminded himself yet again that he was meant to keep an open mind.

Lord Evans took a seat next to his father, and after a moment, Lily was walking toward him. He stood when she walked up and pulled out her chair as he was meant to. His mother had drilled it into his head that he was to be overly kind and courteous tonight. He'd tried to remind her that there had never been a single complaint lodged against him by a woman. He was good with ladies.

"Thank you," She said, her smile rather bright, though James thought he detected a bit of nerves. He grinned at that. He himself wasn't nervous, as he had never thought of these meetings as a mutual thing. They were here to impress him, not the other way around.

"You're most welcome," He said, taking his seat. There were a few other noble families there, to fill the room and make it seem more like an informal party than a meeting that could result in marriage. His mother said it was to ease nerves, but he always thought that she liked an audience. And he figured she was where he got that from, because he also liked an audience.

"It's so good to have you all here with us tonight," His mother said, smiling around the table, but her eyes ending on Lily. There was a mutter of thanks and agreement and then Lily spoke, waiting until the din had died down.

"I'm most pleased to join you and your family this evening." She said, and James had to admit, that the number of girls that he'd seen with a smile like hers were limited. Actually, looking at her just then, he couldn't think of any girls who had a smile like hers. Or eyes… he didn't know that eyes could be that color green. Bright and vibrant. The only thing he could think of to compare them to, were the emeralds on his crown.

"Oh yes, we're so very glad that you could make it this evening Lily." He heard the smirk in his mother's voice and turned to her in time to catch her eye moving away from him and over to Lily. Clearly she'd caught him inspecting the redhead. "And your yellow dress is quite lovely."

Lily sat up a bit straighter and grinned. "Thank you, your majesty." She shared a look with her mother, who gave her an exasperated smile and while James didn't know what it all meant, he liked that he had saw what was meant to be an unnoticed moment between the two. And that she exasperated her mother as well, he took it to mean that she wasn't as prim and proper as some of the other suitors he'd met.

The dinner started, and the conversation flowed easy, though due to the nature of the dinner, and his mother's keen interest in Lily, he didn't find much chance to talk to her, though he did listen to her talk. She spoke to everyone, and despite not talking directly to him, she made sure to smile at him every so often, and he found himself smiling back.

After the third course, his mother kicked him in the shin and he took that to mean that she was displeased with how little he'd had to say over the course of dinner so far. He gave her a look and then turned to Lily and leaned an elbow against the table. "I'm not sure what you did to charm my mother, but she quite likes you."

Lily laughed quietly and leaned toward him as well. "To be honest, I'm not sure what I did either. But she seems wonderful."

"She is wonderful." He agreed. "If not slightly pushy."

Lily shrugged. "Aren't all mothers at least slightly pushy?" He laughed and then his father called his attention away from her and that was the only private word that the two of them managed to have in the course of the evening.

He wasn't convinced that he should marry Lily Evans by the end of it either, and he would never be truly convinced, because he didn't meet with her again after that before tragedy struck the royal family and James was prematurely made king without a bride.

oOo

James didn't remember falling asleep, but when he woke up, it was light outside again and he cursed internally as he pushed himself upright and looked around for Remus. Why hadn't he woken him up hours ago to relieve him? He could tell by how stiff he was that he'd been asleep for some time now. Had something happened to him.

He looked over at Lily and Harry, both of whom were still sleeping. He ruffled Harry's hair absentmindedly and then pushed himself to his feet and set off into the woods. He couldn't let himself get too far from his sleeping family, as he had no way of knowing if these woods were actually safe or not, but he needed to relieve Remus.

He heard a branch break somewhere to his left and, with his hand on the hilt of his sword, he started off toward the noise. He expected to find Remus, but he had to be careful still.

He found what he was expecting, and luckily Remus didn't look injured or anything. Which meant that he had just been stupid.

"Why didn't you wake me?" He asked, startling the poor man who hadn't heard him coming and was suffering from sleep deprivation.

"You needed your sleep."

"So do you." He said, "And the way you jumped when I talk tells me that you'd be pretty useless if something were to actually happen now."

"I would have been good enough at slowing down whatever was coming until you made it to your feet." He shrugged, almost grinning. Remus had been a knight for a few years now. He was of noble blood, but due to the controversy surrounding his family, his being made a knight had upset certain people. James hadn't cared though. Anyone who could handle a sword as well as Remus deserved to be a knight.

James sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Yes, but we wouldn't make it much further without you. I don't know how to catch fish or hunt with a sword. We'd starve out here."

"You'd be fine." Remus insisted.

"Go and sleep, Remus."

"Yes, sir." He nodded and then turned around to head back to where Lily and Harry were. He paused and looked back at James. "We'll need to find a town soon. Lily will need a doctor before too long."

"I know." He nodded. "And Harry needs to know that we don't live in the woods. The people should be willing to house us, to keep our whereabouts a secret." Remus shook his head.

"I don't think letting people know who you are would be wise, sir. There are a great number of people who love you, but…" He hesitated, and James narrowed his eyes. "Well we're not going to run into any nobles out here. Any people we find this far away from the castle will be very poor."

James didn't understand what it was that he was getting at and Remus sighed.

"May I be blunt with you?" He asked.

James shifted, uneasy with even the question. "Yes, of course." He said, his tone not matching his words.

Remus could tell, but he nodded anyway. "Not all the poor are fans of yours. They think that you and your family have overlooked them. Some of the sheriffs out in these farm towns fancy themselves governs or Lords. They taxed the people at rates that they can't afford-"

"That can't be true. I would have heard about that." He said, shaking his head. "And I know that not all of my people love me, I'm not so arrogant as to believe that-"

"Sir, I mean no offense. I'm simply saying that I think it would be best if we kept your true identity hidden. We can't trust an entire town of people not to say something to the wrong person. Because if news gets back to the men who stormed the castle, then I believe they would come and hunt you down. They would hunt your son down." James tensed. He knew that Remus was right of course, it was ridiculous for him to even suggest that they didn't hide their identities, but maybe he was more arrogant than he liked to believe.

"They're not going to back this coup, are they?" He asked.

Remus swayed where he stood and sighed. "I don't think so. They were quite violent. But I don't know what they will tell people, or how they'll spread their message. It will all depend. I hope they don't." He said. He didn't have anything more to say, and he seemed to be waiting for something. James sighed and then nodded.

"Thank you, Remus. You can go and rest now." He said, and Remus nodded, looking relieved.

Soon James was alone with only his thoughts. Why hadn't he heard about these poor towns that were being taken advantage of? The answer wasn't hard to find. He didn't meet with the poor very often, only the nobles. He expected them to update him on the wellbeing of their towns. And if they were benefiting from the poor's extra taxes, then why would they have thought to mention that they were abusing them?

But it was still his fault. All the people in his kingdom were his responsibility, and he had failed these people so much so that Remus didn't think that they'd be willing to help him and his family in their most desperate hour of need. And James couldn't blame them. He may be their king, but he hadn't been a good king to them and so why would they feel they owed him anything?

He leaned against a tree and felt as though he were in an entirely impossible situation.

It was a few hours later before he heard the quiet voices of his wife and son. He could hear splashing and then laughter and he grinned, walking toward the creek.

"Get behind your ears too, love." He heard Lily saying. "You've gotten quite dirty these past couple of days, best get all the places dirt likes to hide."

"You sound like Nan." Harry said as they came into view. He was standing in the stream naked, Lily sitting on a log at the waters edge and he saw her splash water at Harry with her toes which were bare and in the water.

"I'm your mother. It's my job to tell you to get clean. I'd wash you myself, but my tummy would make me fall over in the water."

"Your tummy is getting awfully big, mummy." Harry said, and Lily splashed him again.

"Watch it, mister."

"Yes, you shouldn't talk to your mum like that." James said, and he saw Lily sit up straighter. "How did you two sleep?" He asked, hoping that maybe today she'd be more talkative. He'd seen her animated with Harry before, and part of him was jealous that she wasn't even slightly that comfortable with him.

"I slept great!" Harry said, sitting down in the creek and then laying back, letting the water wash over his hair.

"And you?" He looked at Lily and then walked over to sit next to her on the log.

She looked at him curiously and then answered, "I slept well." She said.

"As well as you could have anyway, right?" He asked, trying to keep things light. Maybe he'd even get two or three responses from her. "For having been on the ground?"

She seemed even more baffled by something, but James didn't know what. All he was trying to do was keep their spirits up. After all, they had lost everything earlier in the week. "Especially well for having been on the ground." She shrugged. "I must have been so tired that I didn't really notice." She splashed her feet in the water and Harry giggled, assuming that she was trying to splash him, so she indulged him and kicked some water in his direction.

James thought the idea of putting his feet in the water sounded heavenly, so he pulled his boots off and then mimicked Lily's position. He sighed gratefully as his feet were submerged into the cool water. He didn't think he'd played in a creek since before his parents had mentioned marriage to him.

"Mum, Dad," James looked over at Harry and raised his brow. "Where will we be going today?" James looked over at Lily, but she was looking back at him with an expectant look on her face. It hadn't dawned on him that she would expect him to have a plan, but she clearly did. All he had was the half-baked idea that he and Remus had tossed about earlier this morning.

"Well we'll have to find a town to stay in. A town with a good doctor, so that when your little brother or sister decides they're ready to meet us, there will be someone who can help out your mum." Lily looked relieved that that was part of the plan- or maybe that he'd remembered the doctor. He'd only managed to remember last night. He wouldn't tell her that though.

He briefly found himself wondering why things were feeling extra awkward between the two of them. He almost asked her about it, and maybe he would have if Harry weren't there as well, but he pressed his lips together instead and tried to refocus on how good the water felt on his feet.

"And will we be staying in the woods again tonight?" Harry asked, once the excitement brought about by thinking about how little time there was left before his new sibling would arrive wore off. He'd always been a curious kid, wanting to know everything from the names of the men who made James' armor to how the butcher had decided which pig they were having for their feast. It always made James smile before, but he didn't know how to answer this question.

"I'm hoping to find us some beds to sleep in tonight." He kept the smile on his face, but he had very little money on him, and if they couldn't rely on their identities, then he didn't know how they would get anyone to help them.

"I like sleeping in the woods," Harry grinned, looking up at James, still sitting down in the creek. "It's fun. I woke up and there was a frog right in front of me! Mum and I brought him down here and let him go. He looked so funny when he was swimming." James grinned.

"You like frogs?" He asked.

Harry shrugged. "I don't know. I liked this one, but it was a bit slimy, so mum carried it for me. It kept jumping out of my hands."

James looked over at Lily, surprised to hear that she'd carried a frog down to the creek. She didn't see him looking at her though, because she was too busy looking at Harry with a soft fondness that he was quite sure was reserved for Harry. "Mum's not afraid of frogs then?" That drew Lily's attention to him and she narrowed her brow.

"What's to be afraid of? They haven't any teeth and they're quite small." He let out a breath of laugh and shrugged one of his shoulders.

"I guess I'm simply surprised that you don't mind touching them I suppose."

Her brow stayed knit together and she shifted on the log, but she didn't say anything to that. James thought it an odd reaction but didn't say anything further. He was suddenly very aware that this was the longest that the three of them had spent alone together. Back in the castle there was always someone else around. When Harry was born there was the doctor, Lily's maids, a few guards posted right outside the door, a nurse, and Lily's mother and sister.

Even on their wedding night they hadn't been alone.

And every other night, even when they had been alone, they hadn't said much. It had been awkward, and James was good at a lot of different kinds of situations, but he did not excel in awkward situations. He was actually especially terrible at awkward situations and that might have been why the two of them hadn't really had any real conversations in the last four years. He seemed to have waited too long to start talking to her, and then, even though he had always been good at talking to women, he'd didn't know what he was supposed to say to her.

But that had been four years ago. Things had degressed since then, if that were even possible.

oOo

James had been solemn and mournful since his parents passing, and when it came to his wedding day, his mood did not take exception. Though everyone around him kept waiting for him to crack a smile or stop walking around with his fists clenched at his side.

But the truth of the situation was that James Potter did not want to get married. It wasn't that he was against the idea in general, he'd always known that he'd marry for the kingdom and not for love, and he was okay with that. But he'd just lost his family, and he wasn't ready to start a new one, he wasn't ready to form an emotional bond with someone who was currently a stranger. He needed time to heal, to pull himself back together.

But he was king, and time to himself wasn't something that he could have.

So he'd taken his mother's last request to heart, and he'd asked Lily Evans to marry him. She'd accepted, and now they were getting married.

He knew that he should have someone explain to her why he was being distant, or better yet, he should explain it to her himself. He should have let her know that it had nothing to do with her and that he wasn't always going to be like this. But that would have been awkward, and he wasn't good at awkward situations. Or emotional situations. At least not emotional situations that demanded explaining one's emotions using words. He was more than adept at using brute force or other forms of action to show people how he felt.

For her part, Lily seemed to understand that he needed some distance, some space, and she'd given it to him. They'd had a ball to celebrate their engagement, not because it was what James wanted, but because it was tradition. People from around the kingdom came to show their support and admiration for the woman who was to be their queen and Lily smiled and graciously accepted absurd gifts from nobles and peasants alike. He'd been impressed but hadn't said anything. He'd been slightly charmed even but hadn't said anything about that either.

If he'd been more self-aware, he would have realized that he was putting up walls to keep from getting hurt again, because losing his parents had hurt more than anything else he'd even known.

So, on the day of his wedding, he'd still been of mind to keep his distance- at least emotionally- from his wife. And when he found himself seated beside her at the feast after the ceremony, her family all seated around them, all looking so jovial, he clenched his fists again and tried his best not to snap at anyone.

"It was a lovely wedding," Her mother crowed, leaning over and squeezing her hand. James wished he'd had the foresight to have her family seated with the rest of the noble guests, tradition be damned.

"It was," Lily nodded, pulling her hand away from her mother and sitting upright. She'd noticed James' mood immediately and had been doing her best to help ease his tension. However, her accommodations only worked to make him more frustrated since he didn't feel as though he deserved the kindness she was showing him.

"And all of this food just looks wonderful," Her father spoke, looking at James and the young King was forced to smile at his father-in-law.

"Yes, we have some truly splendid cooks." He said, hoping that no one would notice how tight his voice was.

"Another thing to look forward to," Lily said from his side and he looked over and forced a smile.

It wasn't until some time later that a friend of his had pointed out that that was the only time he'd spoken to his wife that night. And he hadn't even spoken to her directly. He'd just given her a false smile.

There was no way that the consummation of the marriage was going to be anything but awkward, seeing as how it was custom for far too many people to be present to make sure that the consummation actually took place. He'd grown up knowing about this tradition of course, he'd even laughed about it and tried to sneak a peek whenever he found himself at a royal wedding, but when it was flipped around, and he was the one without his drawers on, only a piece of curtain separating him from the witnesses…

Well it did nothing to fix his mood, and he couldn't imagine a way that it could have been a pleasant experience for Lily either.

And that night, not just the consummation, but everything that had preceded and everything that came after, it had really set the tone for things to come.

He remembered laying next to her, after the witnesses had left, already having moved to what would become his side of the bed (not that they shared a bed for the entire night after this one exception.) He looked over at her and felt a wave of guilt come over him.

Her hair was no longer immaculately done up as it had been for the ceremony earlier in the evening, but it was down, no pins or ties. He could see her bare shoulder, as her underdress had slipped down. But her face was hidden. He couldn't tell if she was wide awake or trying to sleep and he knew that he should say something then. He knew that she was meant to be his family now, that he should say something to salvage how distant and cold he'd been all day. They were alone then, maybe completely, and he should have said something.

But he didn't. He laid there next to her, opening and closing his mouth ever few moments for a good long while before deciding that he could fix it in the morning and rolling over on his other side to sleep.

And the longer he pushed off saying anything, the less important it seemed. It became clear to him that they didn't need to be close or converse in order for them to function as a team in the public eye.

And the public loved her, and that should have made James love her he realized. That and a million other reasons should have enthralled her to him, but he kept his distance and kept distracted and determined. He didn't want to be put in a position where he could get hurt again, where he could lose everything.

And so, in order not to lose something precious, he kept himself isolated. And while that in itself is a form of loss, he justified that it didn't hurt nearly as much.

AN: Leave me a review if you could! Like I said, this is my first time formatting it this way, so if something didn't work or something did work, it would be helpful for me if you let me know!