Disclaimer: I do not own Digimon nor do I claim to. This is purely fan-made and I am not making any profit off of it. I own nothing here except the storyline.

Friday, February 26

Matt

If there was a time he could tell it was winter, it was now. Five AM, February, below zero (-18) degrees and he felt too weird to use the blanket, long story short, he was cold. Matt shuddered and then rested his head on his knees which were pulled up to his chest. Sighing, he hugged himself before blinking and looking at the digital clock next to the bed. He squinted, the red light hurting his eyes.

Matt winced trying his best to keep himself awake. His eyes were heavy, they stung, and for once he wanted to sleep. But it was five am, he'd be too tired if he woke up after sleeping for an hour. All-nighters always seemed to feel less tiring than going to sleep for a short amount of time, but that might be his problem.

He rested his head on the headboard, sighing. Deep down he knew the lack of sleep was getting to him, but he never slept well. At least before he slept a little. On the days his father was home, he was too anxious to go to sleep and focused on keeping his guard up. Then there were the times he was hurt and in too much pain to sleep. Any other time, though, he slept. But now even though he was away from him. Matt's anxieties just seemed to get worse.

For a while, he sat there thinking about minor things that didn't matter. It was easier to focus on those now rather than during the day when he had to face all the bigger problems. This also made it easier to stay awake and not focus on the time. Sure, staying up was exhausting, but sitting there all night was boring when he tried to block out the bad thoughts.

Matt shuddered from a cold chill and then rested his head back on his knees. He shut his eyes, half tempted to keep them closed, but then he opened them again and adjusted how he was sitting. It was weird, but he choose the floor over the bed his mother had for him, he was used to it, and it takes a lot for a feeling of a floor to change. Carpet isn't that soft after you sit on it for a while.

The clock ticked away, and it was a good time for him to get up. He pulled himself off the floor, his back cracking in a few places. Matt quickly stretched before turning to get dressed. He put his uniform on pretty quick, never really minding school like other kids. It got him out of the house, away from his father. And now, it distracted him from all the confusion he had here.

Before he left the room he ran his hand through his hair combing it out, then he rubbed his eyes trying to ignore how tired he was. Then he made his way out of the room, hoping that nobody would see him.

This was one of the worst parts of being here, he never knew what to do. He didn't get along with his mom or TK, which he knew was on him, but he couldn't help it. Nobody could care about him as much as Nancy did and call it real, it couldn't be. It was him. And TK, well, he screwed himself over in that one. He pushed him away, as much as he wanted to blame it on TK he couldn't. It was him.

Matt was about to turn the corner when he jumped, Nancy did too. He crossed his arms and looked away, his face heating up. Did he seriously jump that much? He sighed and glanced back up at Nancy who hadn't moved.

"I was just coming to see if you were up," she said quickly. Matt nodded, tempted to walk away. He didn't want to stay around there where it was nothing but awkward tension. They stood there for a second in silence. "I have to get going, make sure to eat something, please." Matt nodded as he watched her grab her things and head out the door. She waved to him. "Bye, Matt."

"Bye," he mumbled. He rested against the wall playing with his sleeve. There wasn't much else to do, he was ready to go. No, he wasn't going to eat, he established that before she even asked him to. One week doesn't give him the right to food, it'd take a lot longer than that. Much longer.

A door opened, Matt looked up. For a moment he and TK's eyes met, TK looked away quickly and quickly walked to the bathroom. Matt's eyes stayed where he was standing for a bit until he finally pulled them away. It didn't make sense to look there anymore, he wasn't there, and it's not like they got along enough for him to miss him being there, right?

Matt shook his head. It didn't matter. The more he overthought everything the more complicated his questions became. He stopped playing with his sleeve, which had started to stretch out because of how much he had been pulling on it. Silence filled the room, not that there was noise before, but it hit differently this time. The whole time Matt stood there he felt uneasy like something was off, but he pushed the feeling aside. Being there felt weird.

He sighed, every day he was more and more grateful that school hasn't changed. Over time he was finding that he'd rather be there than at his mother's house. There was too much tension no matter what he did, or whom he talked to.

One thing he could say about winter was that he hated it. He was used to being cold, he usually was no matter how warm it was. It's just how he was, more or less. But if he was cold when it was warm out, he was freezing when it was cold. Matt tried to hide the chills, mostly because he was too scared to bring attention to himself, especially with TK walking a few feet in front of him.

There wasn't a way to describe it, maybe it was the buildup from everything going on, at least, that's what he tried to tell himself, but today things felt worse than they usually did. Some dark corners of his mind longed for things to go back to how they were. Not the abuse, but the neglect.

Matt didn't know how to react to everyone trying to help him, truth be told, he hated it. He had been fending for himself since he was eight, he was used to that. It made school just a little more peaceful. Sure, the biggest changes were Sora being back, which he completely welcomed, and now he was aware of TK being there. But that was it. There were no changes that changed everything he knew.

"So, when were you going to tell us?" a harsh voice said. Matt looked up, out of the corner of his eye he saw TK do the same, and then look down. Matt blinked. Tai stood in front of him, with his arms crossed and he'd never seen him so upset.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," he replied as he tensed up.

"What happened with Sora!" Matt flinched. He opened his mouth to say something, but the look on Tai's face prevented him from doing so. That and the shame. He looked so hurt like he had committed the ultimate betrayal, and Matt could rationalize those feelings. He looked back up at him, tears glistening in his eyes, but he blinked them away.

"How did you find out about that?" Matt whispered. Other kids walked past them and Matt stared at the ground trying to avoid their glances. Maybe he wasn't conscious of it before, but a lot of people seemed to stop and whisper. His breath hitched. This was the universe mocking him, wasn't it?

Tai scoffed. "It doesn't matter how I found out!" Matt dug his nails into his arms, barely holding himself. There was a part of him that wanted to bolt, turn, and wait to confront this another time, but he couldn't. He sighed and closed his eyes, feeling slightly dizzy and his chest tightened.

"I just-" he cut himself off and took a step back. He didn't look up, but he did glance around. It hadn't hit him that others besides him and Sora would know that story. Now, it was as if the whole school was wondering if he was the same. Hell, he was scared he had become his father, as much as it killed him, that feeling never left. "I don't know what you want me to say."

"Why have you been lying to us for years?" Matt looked up quickly, confused. This was recent, right? Tai had every reason to be mad, but years? Mimi was standing next to him now, and she looked like she wanted to say something, but she kept quiet.

"I didn't-"

"Bullshit."

"I have no clue what you're talking about!" Matt cried. He took another step back, glancing around. Some people had moved on, some were still talking. But that didn't matter, they were still there.

A soft voice spoke up, and at first, Matt didn't react to it, too engulfed in his confusion to notice. "I'm sorry, Tai, I think you should leave him alone," TK said quickly.

"You don't need to get your two-cents in, TK. This doesn't involve you!" Matt finally looked up, even more confused. He glanced over at TK who was looking away from him. He shrugged.

"I don't see how it involves you, either."

"Sora is my friend," Tai responded.

"And Matt's my brother." Matt flinched, quickly looking back down suddenly feeling sick. His throat ached and his stomach turned. Closing his eyes he stopped himself from backing up again. A small barely audible whimper escaped his lips and he shuddered.

"You're acting like this could be avoided," Tai said. He didn't sound as mad as he had before, which was a plus, but those feelings were still there, underlying in his tone.

"Maybe not, but do you really think this is a conversation you should be having on a public sidewalk?" TK asked quietly. Tai didn't say anything, and Matt glanced up making eye contact with him, desperate for him to understand what TK was saying. Tai looked down, a hint of guilt shining in his eyes. Mimi pulled him away, and Tai nodded.

"You're right, sorry." He quickly walked away with Mimi. Matt glanced over at TK who seemed to linger there for a few moments and then started to walk away. He perked up.

"TK." TK stopped and turned around, he didn't say anything and looked away.

"Thanks," Matt said quickly. TK nodded and walked away, Matt shuddered. People were still looking at him, Matt went inside trying to ignore them. He reached his locker and sighed, trying to slow his breathing. After a moment he spontaneously opened his locker, threw his things inside, and tore down the hallway.

He turned a corner and walked into the bathroom. Matt shut a stall door behind him and rested his head against it then sighed. Tears started to fall and he quickly wiped them away. Tai was the last person he thought would be upset, sure, he saw how he would be, but in the end, he always had his back. Another chill hit him, and Matt shivered.

To make matters worse, TK had to confuse the hell out of him. He never seemed interested in his being there before, and now he's sticking up for him? Maybe he was looking too far into it, but there had to be a reason. TK could have walked away when it started, but he didn't. Matt sighed again, at this point, it wasn't about finding what stayed the same, it was being prepared for what would change.

And he hated that.

TK

No matter how hard he tried to focus, he couldn't. He flipped another page, barley skimming over the words. TK glanced at the clock, sighed, and went back to reading. He would have left his room, but he heard Matt and Nancy talking before she left. She had an earlier shift than usual, covering for a sick co-worker or something. Normally, it wouldn't phase him, but now he was stuck alone with Matt, and Matt didn't like him.

Beep. TK jumped and glanced over at his phone, then he grabbed it off his nightstand. He blinked, an unknown number staring back at him. With a slight feeling of dread, he opened the text.

Just so you know, it's not just us that think you're worthless. Kari said she wants distance from you because you've been so irritable. She's just too nice to say anything. - Aiden

TK read the message and shut his phone. He didn't put it down, it lingered in his hand for a few moments before he put it down on his bed, shut his book, and stood up. After placing the book down he subconsciously started pacing. Honestly, he shouldn't have been surprised. Hell, he shouldn't have been this hurt. He was used to it, it was normal.

The way Aiden was starting to use Kari against him- he winced. He hated it, he hated it more than anything. As much as the things he said to his face hurt, the lies he could be saying behind his back scared him more than he knew.

TK turned to the door, opening it without thinking about it; so caught up in his thoughts to remember anything. As soon as he met Matt's eyes he looked away. It wasn't possible to look away fast enough. Everything came back full force, every word and action between them flooded through his head before he could even process it.

Make a move, TK thought. He couldn't stand there, that'd create even more awkward tension, and he couldn't grab his coat and leave early as he had aimed to. He inwardly cursed, he wasn't sure why he thought this was a good idea, then again, he didn't think at all.

TK walked to the bathroom, the first place that came to mind, besides retreating into his room. The door gently clicked behind him, and he hoped that gave the impression that he was calm and not panicking. He locked the door and let his hand rest on the doorknob.

You've been so irritable. TK winced. Once again, he wasn't surprised. He knew he had changed, that wasn't the surprising part. And he knew that Aiden could have been lying, but he ignored that. He could've been. TK could have ruined his relationship with his best friend.

TK started pacing again. The ten minutes until he had to leave for school would be long ones. He made a small circle, walking around the bathroom trying to think about anything else. TK turned to the sink cabinets and opened them, his eyes resting on the razor blade once again. After grabbing it he set it on the sink and shut the drawer, then he shook his head.

Why was he acting like this? This wasn't anything new, why was he debating it? TK rested his head in his hands, then he ran them through his hair sighing once again. He grabbed the blade again, slowly running his hand over it. Then he lifted a sleeve.

This one hit differently. TK didn't know how to place it, but it made him feel stronger, which made no sense to him. He wasn't strong, he was the kid who broke down in the school bathrooms. But the pain, it was like a burst of energy. TK moved his hand, cringing at the discomfort. But he kept going, maybe it was because it was distracting him, whatever it was, he didn't mind it.

He ended up having four relatively deep cuts. As the blood rolled down his arm, he watched unfazed. These cuts were different and he couldn't figure out why. He slowly placed some toilet paper over the cuts. Once he was confident they were done bleeding, he threw the paper into the toilet and flushed it, then washed his hands to get the small bit of blood off.

TK's reflection caught him by surprise, and he was almost scared about it. His eyes were bloodshot, his skin was pale, and there were apparent bags under his eyes. He blinked. Maybe it was his imagination, but he looked thinner. Granted he had never paid attention before, that made it that much worse that he was noticing.

Tensing up, he looked down, as he moved his hands, he could tell he had lost weight. How he had no idea. He turned away from the mirror and looked at the floor, shaking. It might have been stupid that this scared him, but he had always looked fine, it was just his arms that held all of his issues. He shuddered. Was this all taking that bad of a toll on him? TK shook his head and walked out of the bathroom. Hopefully, there wasn't too big of a time gap for them to leave.

Matt didn't look at him when he walked out, which he took as a blessing. He was looking at the floor, seemingly lost in thought. TK quietly made his way over to the coat rack. He grabbed his and slowly put it on, cringing as it glided over his arm. Then he retreated to his room, five minutes, then he could leave.

How do you divide your attention when approximately 50 things are going on? TK looked around at the kids surrounding the scene. Acting like he couldn't hear their whispers or sense their judgment. TK looked over at Matt, who seemed even more uncomfortable than he was.

He looked up at Tai, who stood with his arms crossed, defensive, angry, but what hit TK the most was his confusion. TK looked back down, tugging on his backpack, debating. It wasn't his place to say anything, was it? But at the same time… he looked over at Matt, he looked so scared, which was something TK never thought he'd say.

Matt kept taking small steps back, and TK couldn't ignore the hurt that shined in his eyes. TK didn't know the full story, but judging by his reaction it was something about his father. Watching the whole thing unfold, it made him see Matt in a way he hadn't before.

"Isn't that the kid who cuts himself?" TK winced. He recognized the girls from his classes, and the issues surrounding what happened yesterday just pissed TK off even more. He looked at Matt one last time, and despite how shy he was, how scared he was to say anything right now, he couldn't just watch. If Matt hadn't said anything about whatever they were talking about, it was probably because it was personal or he wasn't ready to talk about it.

TK shuddered before looking at Tai again. They weren't strangers, TK and Kari had been friends for years, they'd seen each other a lot, and they got along. Also, TK wasn't a confrontational person at all.

"I-" he stopped himself and winced. Nobody heard him, and he sighed once more, mustering up what little courage he had. "I'm sorry, Tai, I think you should leave him alone." Tai looked at him, almost amused, which just made TK feel invalid, even if that wasn't his intention.

It was like saying his words didn't matter.

"You don't need to get your two-cents in, TK. This doesn't involve you!" TK looked down, he had hoped it would have all resolved after one sentence. He should have known better.

"I don't see how it involves you, either," he said quietly. He looked around while keeping his head down, several people had moved on, some others were still there. There was a heavy sense of judgment on him from most junior high kids that surrounded them- not that there was a huge crowd. But enough to make TK feel uncomfortable.

"Sora is my friend."

"And Matt's my brother." TK almost jumped at how quick he replied, he hadn't even thought about it. He tensed up, would that make Matt uncomfortable?

"You're acting like this could be avoided," Tai said. TK sighed, was it fair to make Matt talk about what happened? If this was about their father, it just seemed wrong to force him to say anything. As far as TK knew, Tai didn't know anything about it, unless Matt said something possible.

"Maybe not, but do you really think this is a conversation you should be having on a public sidewalk?" Tai didn't reply and TK tensed up.

"You're right, sorry." TK looked up, shocked. He didn't expect him to mean that, but as he walked away, he saw the guilt in his eyes. TK looked back down, waiting for Tai to get a little farther ahead to avoid any further confrontation, and then he started to walk away.

"TK," Matt said quietly. TK jumped, then he tensed up his feet stopping on his own. He turned around to face Matt, not making eye contact. Partly of shame. What did he expect? What was he doing? Matt could handle himself, Tai was his friend. He didn't have a place saying anything-

"Thanks." TK looked up, Matt wasn't looking at him, and tears welled in his eyes. TK looked back down and nodded. Whispering a small 'you're welcome' before walking off before he made another bad decision. Though he took comfort in Matt's town, he sounded genuine. He sighed and tugged on his bag as he made his way through the halls.

Some students looked at him, and some who didn't. He sighed in relief, glad that, even if everyone did know, they weren't all outwardly judging him. Pulling himself out of that situation, a glimmer of hope shines through. Maybe he could fix the issues he and Matt's relationship had, at least, on his side. Even if Matt didn't want to talk to him all the time, which he understood because it was him, maybe he could at least show that he didn't hate him. That he cared about him.

It seemed more like a dream, for their relationship to be somewhat reflective of what it was, at least in the trust aspect. But he'd love it if they could just trust each other to some extent. TK was lost in his thoughts when he felt it. A pressure change, his feet lose their direction as he tried to steady himself. His back hit a locker, and he looked up to see Aiden who smirked.

"Stop getting in the way." He turned on his heel and left. TK pulled his bag closer to him and sighed. Maybe he shouldn't try to fix things, at least not yet. Matt had enough going on, he didn't need him causing more confusion. Besides, he was bound to say the wrong thing. He'd just get in the way of Matt finally getting used to things, and he wanted him to be happy.

There was no way talking to him would help Matt. If anything, he'd make it worse.