Remus Lupin stood on the edge of the entrance to Azkaban. An irritated auror stood beside him.

He got the sense that the auror thought this was a waste of time.

Remus had wondered if it would be a waste of time, but he had to try.

He had to know why.

If not for the sake of his sanity then for Harry- for the memory of Lily and James.

He'd see Harry someday, and he would have to give answers.

It had taken a lot of paperwork. And pleading.

A few embarrassingly emotional conversations with Dumbledore before he was able to get the go ahead for the visit.

He had cowered for months. No one was left to plan the funeral, so it was left to him.

Dumbledore had sent Harry to Lily's terrible sister.

Remus had no real claim.

He had been something with Harry's godfather, but that didn't make a bit of difference under the law.

Especially when said godfather had betrayed his parents.

Remus had wallowed and cowered for nearly sixth months.

Until on James' birthday when he was piss drunk and going through his Hogwarts things, and he found a bit of parchment from Ancient Runes and saw Lily's familiar looping hand

Honestly, Remus I don't even know how you ended up in Gryffindor sometimes.

I don't either but here we are

Stop being such a cotton headed Ninny Muggins and TELL HIM

I don't know who or what you are talking about

Remus Lupin. You need to stop fucking doubting yourself and take initiative. You can't keep living in fear. We've got enough against us you can't keep being your own worst enemy

The rest of the parchment was filled with gossip that Remus didn't remember. As he traced his name in Lily's handwriting he heard Lily's voice in his head.

"Remus. Lupin."

Whenever any of them was doing something stupid, Lily would say their names in such a way that you could hear the punctuation.

She would've been the best fucking mother.

That kid would've been so loved and so scared of her.

They'd always joked about the howlers Lily would probably send.

" ." Sirius would say in a shrill and over the top impersonation of Lily.

Then they would make up all matter of shenanigans Harry would get into at school.

Sirius' favorite was Harry stealing the motorcycle and landing on the whomping willow.

Something in Remus snapped.

Lily Evans would kick his ass if she knew he was sitting around doing nothing.

That he again was running away from some sort of confrontation with Sirius.

He needed answers.

So three months after his revelation- he stood in front of Azkaban to get them.

He felt like he was thirsty and needed to throw up all at once.

His hands were trembling as they were searched and he followed the auror into the void.

It was cold.

So cold and he felt the happiness sucked out of the air.

Not that he had a lot of happiness left.

They reached the cell, and the auror stopped Remus short. "You've got 20 minutes."

The only sound heard was the retreating of the auror's footsteps.

Remus didn't see Sirius. He heard some shifting in one of the corners.

He knew Sirius had been notified of the visit- so he called out tentatively, "Sirius?"

A rush of movement and then Sirius was clinging to him- his hands frantically touching his arms, his feet, his face . "Moony? You're here? This isn't a dream?"

Resisting the natural instinct to embrace him, Remus removed Sirius' hands and said, "Yes I'm here."

"Moony, Moony- you've got to- you've got to tell them -" Sirius was breathless- desperate.

"Tell them what? That you were the spy? That you betrayed James?" Remus all but shouted.

"James? He's gone- I saw them- Lily she's….HARRY! Find Harry- Hagrid took him...took him to that bitch. You have to get him back- back to our family and-" Sirius was pacing now, "Peter- he he….Peter….fucking rat-"

"You killed Peter, too, Sirius. Why? Can't you remember? Have you already gone mad?" Remus asked him sharply- trying to cut through the rambling.

"Mad? How long have I been here? I've been trying to make marks on the walls, but….too much to remember...has it been years? It feels like it...Moony….you have to…..you have to….tell them….I'm sorry….so sorry….I thought-"

Remus was incensed and cut him off, "You're sorry? You're sorry! Sorry that you betrayed the best people you'll ever know. Sorry that you killed Peter in such a violent way they could only find pieces of him….and for what? To support a man who spouts the very blood supremacist shite you ran away from? You're a coward, Black" Remus finished and the anger felt good. It felt right, and fair and-

Suddenly Sirius was clutching to him and was grinning madly, "No. No Moony. I'm not sorry about any of that."

"You fucking-"

"LISTEN TO ME," Sirius tried and was no longer smiling, "It's my fault- I was- I thought- I thought...clever….. not- trust….I'm too…. but...Harry….you have to- he's with that bitch and Lily would….fuck….."

"Breathe, Padfoot, breathe," Remus told him. "Start at the beginning."

He'd come here for answers. Shouting at Sirius never got that accomplished. Unless you were Lily Evans Potter. And she was gone. Remus had to do this his way.

After taking a few breaths, Sirius looked at him with tears in his eyes and started again, calmly. "It's all my fault you see….I didn't...I thought…."

Another breath and then, "I thought I couldn't trust you Moony. Peter….he was in my ear….you know how he would always know things about people- he made me think you'd- you'd joined up to save yourself….."

Remus felt a pang of something like betrayal at this. But also….hadn't Peter planted the idea that it was Sirius to Remus. Hadn't he been sleeping next to a man for months and looking for any sign of betrayal hadn't he-

Sirius was rambling nonsense again, but Remus' mind was whirling- the puzzle pieces falling into place.

"You…..you switched? Didn't you?" Remus asked.

Sirius stilled and then was clinging to him again, "Yes- Yes Remus! Brilliant right? Who would expect the weak one? The one that never made sense? The marauder no one could understand?"

Remus couldn't breathe- of course. No one ever knew Peter's gifts. That he could work people. And he'd worked them. His friends. His brothers.

"Lily didn't like it- of course-" Sirius started, "but we thought it was just hormones- the baby- the war….she was pissed we were cutting you out. She didn't speak to me for weeks….."

"So…..you killed him….fuck Sirius- you should've found me! We could've-"

"He. Isn't. Dead." Sirius told him, "he's a fucking rat."

And Remus knew the look on Sirius' face. It was the look that would excite and terrify him in school. The face of someone who was looking to hatch a scheme.