REFLECTIONS

This story is not really a narrative, but more of what I hope would Sam would be pondering on her time away from Port Charles. This is a bit of a sequel to Departure and I'm not sure if there will be something to follow this, but I hope you enjoy it. I do not own the characters on General Hospital.

The salt filled mist glided over her cheeks and she breathed in the fresh ocean breeze. This is where her heart and mind felt at peace. It was amazing how you could be so small in some grand power try as you might to navigate the terrain it took you over in any second. The ocean was like love so vast and powerful, one moment you could be riding on the peak of a wave and the next crash down and be blown apart.

There were times she felt as though she could be swept away and no one would spare a second thought of her, but now was not one of those times. She glanced over to her children sinking their feet in the warm sand and she wondered why life stopped being so simple and became overly complex. She wished that she could spare her children of the heartache and tears that were to come and she prayed she could find the words to explain why their worlds had suddenly been turned upside down.

As Danny covered Scout's feet in the sand she knew that little boy had already gone through a lifetime of trouble so much that no child should ever experience. First, he was stolen in the middle of the night after a difficult childbirth. Then dangled over the edge of General Hospital by deranged Heather Webber only to get to be reunited with his parents for a few days before his father was taken away for 5 years. The cruelty hit an all-time high during his bout with leukemia where Sam found solace in the arms of Silas and then Patrick. Then as a twisted fate he was drawn to Drew who they both felt so familiar and connected to only to come to find out he wasn't who they eventually thought he was and to finally have his father back and now Sam's marriage with Drew falling apart.

Sam wondered how much more upheaval could this young boy take and although she was so small Emily Scout Cain had a keen sense of her world similar to her mother and she too was starting to feel the ripples of discord. Emily was also brought into this world with a dramatic entrance and had it not been for the unsurpassed loyalty and commitment of Drew to his family she might not have ever reached her first birthday. Drew breathed life into their daughter and he hung the moon in her eyes. She was not able to yet speak fully, but the looks and bond that her daughter shares with her father is unbreakable. These past few days had really showed underneath the surface of their smiles each of her children were missing Drew.

Missing seemed to be the theme word of her life right now. Missing time, missing herself, missing, moments, missing the serenity that her life once encompassed. There had been a time not that far off that her life felt complete and whole and now it was scattered and fractured and part of it was out of her control, but the other was due to her negligence in facing the reality of situation when her past and present collided and how to reconcile them to get to a place of living and healing.

Sam's mind replayed so many moments of the past 6 months with each man invoking more questions than she had dared to dream for answers. On one side she had Jason who she had so much rich, but also painful history with that she was left with a deep sense of loyalty and unrest. In truth he was stuck in their past that had never really been settled due to him being taken away 5 years ago and though they had come to a place of understanding there was no real way of knowing what could have been because it just wasn't.

She had weathered so many storms in that 5 years that Jason was gone and learned to love in ways she never imagined she wasn't the same person that was holding Danny in her arms waving goodbye to Jason on that fateful night. She had loved and lost during that time, but also gained so much that didn't fit into the wife he left behind.

Her mind began to compare even though she shouldn't be trying to measure one against the other the thought of how each man dealt with the lost time. On one hand there was Drew who had immediate bonds with her, Danny and even Jake. From the start he wanted to protect them and was willing to do whatever necessary to ensure their happiness even at the expense of his own. Then there was Jason who true to form swept in for the rescue and resumed his position aside Sonny. To a certain extent she understood in his mind he was still in 2012, but so much had changed and happened and he had not even asked what that was like for her or their son.

There was nothing Jason could say that would change what had happened, but if he was treating her as though she was that same ride or die chick who would pick up on a whim and throw caution to the wind. She would never consider that at this point in her life she had too much to love and lose and there was no adventure worth risking the possibility of missing a moment with her kids. She had fought so long and hard and had all but given up on the idea of being a mother after she lost Lila and was shot by Manny. When the option of the reconstructive surgery presented itself her and Jason were in a very turbulent place on the heels of losing Jake tragically or so they thought and him questioning if his life was meant for fatherhood.

She wanted to be a mother though regardless of his stance on the matter as much as it hurt her so she underwent the procedure and then like any other part of her time with Jason they were blindsided with yet another obstacle to overcome in the whole Brenda and Balkan debacle and Sam being an unforeseen casualty. She remained by his side though and as difficult as it was they became engaged in an unconventional manner and she thought they finally had overcome the greatest challenges and would finally have an opportunity for a happy future. Well then Franco resurfaced and a new more venomous nightmare began.

Her honeymoon was defiled and she was violated in one of the most cruel and vengeful ways and this was ultimately what broke severed their unshakeable bond. When she found out she was pregnant the joy of having Jason's child overshadowed any darkness that threatened to loom over them and then one fateful day she paid Heather Webber a visit and from that point on their lives would never be the same. Truth be told what hurt her the most was the way that Jason shut her out and practically punished her for wanting to give her child a good life. He was so swept up in his own ego and need for revenge that he lost track of what should have been what was most important her and their future.

Jason shared her assault with Elizabeth who at the time she had a tenuous friendship at best and meanwhile he berated for confiding in John McBain who had been a kindred spirit in her time of such great darkness. Thinking back on it now she shuttered to think of how Jason ordered her around and she so willingly complied mostly until she finally realized she was done putting him before her child. That was the glaring difference between the person at the very core Jason and Drew are is that Jason would say he put her and the kids first, but his actions never validated it. Drew on the other hand listened and truly absorbed the severity of what the mob life would impact her and the kid's life and he walked away.

She had made such a mess of things because a part of her still felt compelled to her unwavering loyalty to Jason and by being with Drew and living that wonderful life they had worked hard to create was somehow besmirching her history with Jason and the love she shared for him. What she and Jason HAD was just that in the past and it was the reconciliation of closing that door and accepting there was no picking up where they left off because too much time and life had happened. Looking at Jason and being around him was like being in a time warp with no grounding everything was suspended and that was not living. She was stuck between the past and present.

"Momma" rang to her ears and she gazed at her beautiful daughter stumbling her way to her as she caught her. "Hi baby girl you are getting so big and I'm so proud of you. Pretty soon your big brother is going to be the one chasing after you."

Scout giggled and pressed her tiny hands against Sam's cheeks and looking into her innocent eyes she knew it was them before anything else. Even when her world sent off its axis the thing that pulled her back was wrapped up in her arms and that was her future.

She didn't know where her, Drew and Jason would end up but what she did know was that these kids were proof with every breath they took her life had meaning and they will continue to drive her forward.

She was about to embark on somewhat uncharted territory with just her and her kids and sure it was scary as hell, but there was no putting it off or avoiding it. When she arrived back in Port Charles the first plan of action was to arrange co-parenting, these kids deserved that stability in their lives and just because the adults around them were distracted with their own crap it didn't mean that they needed to sacrifice because of it.

As she stood up with her daughter snuggled tight in her arms Danny ran to his mother and captured her abruptly. The three of them giggled and laughed and she stroked his hair looking on the setting sun off on the horizon knowing there would be a new dawn.