„Daddy?" Kate heard Jake's excited voice from the living room. "Can we wake mommy now?"
She smiled at the question of her three-year old son. Of course she was already awake. She was an early-riser by nature but ever since she and Castle started dating she pretended to be still asleep the morning of her birthday because she knew he wanted to wake her with coffee and breakfast in bed. And so did their kids.

That's why Kate patiently stayed in bed when Rick got up to wake the kids and let them help him with the birthday breakfast.

"Not yet" Castle said. "And be quiet. Remember, mommy is still asleep"
Kate's smile grew and she shook her head, even if nobody could see. She knew Castle knew that she was always pretending but neither of them ever said a word about it. He wanted to spoil her on her birthday and she let him, learned in the past years to enjoy it, to even look forward to it. Even if she still missed her mom more than on other days.

She listened to the soft noises coming from the living room. Until she heard them tiptoe rather loudly through Castle's office. Being quiet wasn't really the kids' strength. Kate forced the smile from her face, closed her eyes and slowed her breathing down to pretend that she was still sleeping.

The bedroom door clicked and four pairs of feet tapped inside.
"One, two, three" whispered Castle and they started singing Happy birthday and because at Lilly's school she learned to sing the song in every language that is represented in her class they continued to sing it in Spanish, German, French, Dutch and Russian. Well, Lilly sang and Castle tried. The twins lost patience and climbed on the bed, bouncing with excitement.

Kate smiled at them.
"It's your birthday, mommy!" exclaimed Reece, jumping up and down on his knees beside his mother's head.

Kate laughed. "That's right, baby" she said and ruffled his hair.

"We made breakfast" said Jake proudly.
"Really?" asked Kate, feigning surprise.

"Yes" Lilly joined in. "We're having a picnic in bed. Look, Mommy, daddy brought all the things in a basket."

Five minutes later all five of them were seated on the bed and the kids were busy chewing their breakfast.
Castle leaned over to give Kate a quick kiss.
"Lilly wanted to have a picnic like we did for her birthday but I could convince her that a picnic in the park isn't the best option in November"

Kate kissed him back.
"Thanks, babe."

When they were finished with breakfast the bed was a mess and the kids, especially the twins were covered in pieces of bacon, eggs and pancakes.
"Let's go upstairs to get you cleaned up and dressed. Come on, boys against girls!" Castle shouted and urged Jake and Reece on. "I bet we are faster than mommy and Lilly. What do you think, little men?"

"Yes!" they yelled and started to run. Out of the bedroom, through the office and the living room and up the stairs. Castle was right behind them to help them to get cleaned up and dressed.

"Hey! That's unfair. You have a head start" Lilly raced after them. "Hurry mommy" she cried over her shoulder before she was out of sight too.

Kate laughed at the adorableness of her three (or four, if you want to count Castle) kids. But since she didn't want to disappoint her daughter and never backed down from a challenge anyway she hurried to get dressed.

o-o-o-o-o

Ten minutes later they were all seated in the living room. Lilly was shifting impatiently beside her mother. They were finally giving presents and the seven-year-old couldn't wait for her mommy to open her present. But the twins were first since they were the youngest.

"Can I help you open it?" asked Reece as soon as he handed the package over. Kate laughed.
"You can help with yours and Jake can help with his. But I want to open Lilly's and daddy's by myself, alright?" The twins nodded.

Both of them had painted a huge picture with water colors. Kate thanked them and kissed them both on their cheeks. Kate wondered where they were going to hang the pictures since they barely had any space on the walls left from all the pictures their kids had painted for them. At least they didn't need to argue about the décor anymore since they agreed that the most beautiful art they could have in their home was their kids'.

"It's my turn now" Lilly said, carefully placing the wrapped present in Kate's lap. "Be careful, mommy. It's fragile"

It was a little heavy and Kate was curious what it could be. She carefully removed the paper and gasped when she finally saw what was inside. It was a bunch of pottery elephants standing in a circle. Lilly had made them herself and every single one of them was perfect in its own way. Kate stared at them in awe, emotional tears burning in her eyes.

"I know they are not as perfect as the ones you had on your desk in the precinct" Lilly said when she noticed her mother's face. "But I tried. Daddy told me you had to break the ones from Grandma Johanna because she hid something inside that helped you catch the bad guy who murdered her."

Oh, her sweet, sweet girl. And her sweet husband. She knew it must have been his idea. Oh, she loved them so much.

Kate's watery eyes were making Lilly nervous.
"I know they are not so beautiful but I really tried. But making pottery is so difficult, mommy. I really tried" Now she was becoming sad. Her daughter's upset tone pulled Kate out of her awestruck state.

"No, Lilly, baby. Come here" Kate said and hugged her daughter tight. "They are perfect" she whispered, not trusting herself to speak louder without starting to cry.

"You like them?" Lilly asked insecurely.
"I love them. You did perfect, Lilly" Kate replied, kissing her daughter's head.

"Tell her who the elephants are and why they are standing in a circle, sweetheart" Castle told her. He had watched their exchange with nothing but love in his eyes.

"Yes!" Lilly pulled away from Kate. She pointed at the elephants as she explained. "I made one for every family member. Look. There is you, mommy and the big one is daddy. The three little ones beside you and daddy are Jake, Reece and me. And here is Grams and Alexis. And this is grandpa Jim and the ghost-elephant is Grandma Johanna" Lilly was finished with explaining and turned to look at her mother expectantly.

But she became concerned when she saw that she was crying.
"Mommy, why are you sad? Did I do something wrong?" Lilly asked.

"No, you did perfect. I'm not sad, baby. I'm just very, very touched by you present" Kate explained, wiping the tears away for her daughter's sake.

"The circle, Lilly" whispered Castle, knowing that the reason behind it would make his wife laugh and would therefore make Lilly's concern go away.

"Oh right. Daddy said I should make a line. Like your old ones. But I thought it was stupid because why would we want to look at each other's butts? In a circle we can all look at each other." Kate laughed, wiped the tears away and hugged her daughter again.

"They are so beautiful, Lilly. Thank you. I'm going to put them on my desk in my office, so everyone who visits me there can admire them, alright?" Lilly nodded and kissed her mom on the cheek.

"Daddy has something else for you. Another present. From all of us." Lilly told her and looked at her dad. "Where is it, daddy?"

Castle took the present from beside him and handed it to his daughter who gave it to Kate. It had the size of a book and felt like a book. It wasn't unusual for him to give Kate books along with other things but they were from him, not the kids. Curiously Kate opened the present.

It was indeed a book.

About knights, princesses and monsters - because with a little imagination we can be anything we want

Kate opened the dedication page and felt very emotional again.

For mommy. Because you are missing out on all the great adventures we are having with daddy during the day.

"I wrote all our little and grand games down, since Lilly and I first started to play princess. I decided that I had enough this year to let them bind into a book. There are even some photos included and the kids illustrated it" Rick explained and met Kate's watery gaze.

She leaned over and kissed him. "Thank you, babe"
She run her finger over the words and smiled. Her adorable husband. "I can't wait to read this"

"We signed it as well" Lilly said proudly, pointing proudly to her name she had scribbled beneath the dedication. Next to hers were some colorful lines that should probably be Jake's and Reece's signature. "Just like daddy does"

o-o-o-o-o

They played together all day. Kate enjoyed every second of it. She rarely had time to spend a whole day just playing with her kids and her husband. Of course she made sure to have breakfast with them every morning before leaving for work and returning in the late afternoon so she could spend the evening with her family. And even when she couldn't make it for dinner, she never missed the bedtime. Nothing could ever be as important as kiss their kids goodnight. During very though cases when she was really needed she returned back to the precinct after the kids fell asleep but she was always there to cuddle into bed with Lilly, Jake and Reece and listen to Castle telling the bedtime story. She would never admit it but she enjoyed his stories about princesses and dragons and pirates and whatever else he would come up with just as much as their kids did. Maybe more. She was terrified of the day the kids would decide they were too old for bedtime stories.

She still loved working at the precinct but it wasn't her lifeline anymore and she was infinitely grateful that she and Rick had worked out a schedule that made everybody happy.

But today Kate just enjoyed being able to spend the day with her family without wasting a thought about work.

In the late afternoon they got the kid's ready for them to spend the night with Alexis, her husband Paul and baby Claire. Lilly, Jake and Reece were looking forward to spending time with their big sister and little niece. Even Lilly who had protested a few days before when they had first told them that Alexis would pick them up. Kate suspected that Rick had talked to her about it because she seemed perfectly okay now with leaving her mom on her birthday.

"Ready to go to Remy's?" asked Alexis after she had greeted her little siblings.
"Yes!" they called and ran to pick up their bags.

"Happy birthday, Kate" Alexis said, hugging her. "You'll get your present tomorrow when we're having family brunch."

"Thank you, Alexis" Kate said, hugging her back. "And thank you for taking the kids tonight"

"No problem. Enjoy your dinner with dad" Alexis replied. It was kind of a tradition already for Alexis to watch her little siblings on Kate's birthday, starting seven years back with a six months old Lilly. "Are you going out?"
"No, Castle is cooking and I'm not allowed …" Kate started.

"…to do as much as move a finger" they finished together and laughed.

"We're ready" Lilly announced, carrying her backpack and holding her brothers' hands who were carrying their backpacks too.

"Perfect" Alexis smiled at them.

"Be good for Alexis" Castle told them when he kissed them goodbye. They all nodded and promised to behave.

Alexis had already taken ahold of Jakes and Reece hand while Lilly still hugged Kate.
"Enjoy your parent's time with daddy, mommy. And please don't get sad"

A moment later the door closed behind them and the loft immediately grew much quieter. Castle pulled her in almost instantly and kissed her deeply. She relaxed into him, drawing him closer and returned the kiss.

When they pulled apart Castle smiled at her gently. "Happy birthday, Kate" he said and gave her a sweet kiss on the lips. "I already ran your bath. All you have to do is get in" he told her.

"You didn't have to…" she started but felt the grin forming already. They were doing this every year. He would do everything and she would try to tell him that he didn't have to do so, which would cause him to interrupt her and say that he wanted to.

"Really? You are still trying to say that?" he asked teasingly.

"Always" she grinned and gave him a quick kiss before pulling out of his embrace. "Thanks for running my bath."

He just smiled. "Dinner will be ready in an hour and a half. That okay?" he asked.

"Perfect. Thanks babe" she kissed him a last time before she picked up her new book and went into the bathroom.

It was still hard for him to let her go, knowing that she would cry now for a while because her mother wasn't there to celebrate her birthday with her but he had learned in the past years to accept that it was just part of her birthday for her to mourn her mother as much as she had learned to only dedicate one hour to being sad and celebrate the rest of the day with her family.

While Rick prepared dinner, set the table, lit some candles and turned music on that played softly in the background, Kate sat in the bathtub and thought about her mother. She missed her. But the ache wasn't so strong anymore as it had been years ago. Rick had made it better, as had their kids. Now she could even smile through her tears when she thought about the conversations she would have had with her mother that day if she still were alive.

She thought about how proud her mother would be of her, how she would have fought with Rick who would get to prepare her birthday dinner, probably settling for watching her grandchildren and letting her son-in-law cook. Kate smiled at the images her mind made up, all the while crying silently because it would never become reality.

Her mother would have adored Rick. She would have loved his sense of humor, would have seen what a good man he was. Probably before she had done.
And she would have fallen in love with Lilly and Jake and Reece the moment they would have told her about them.

Kate wiped the tears away. She looked at her watch she had placed on the table beside the bathtub.
Still more than half an hour until she had to get out of the tub to be ready for dinner in time.

Her eyes fell on the book her silly, sweet, adorable husband had written for her, gathered all the stories he had made up for the kids in the past years and written them down for her to read. She picked the book up. She would just read a few pages, just to stop herself from crying. She had mourned her mother enough. She was okay now again. Almost ready to let herself be spoiled again by Rick.

The book was sweet. It didn't help her attempts to stop crying. It made her cry harder. It was just too perfect. She could burst out of love for Castle and their kids.

She didn't notice how much time passed until there was a knock on the door of the bathroom and Rick's voice asked "Kate? Honey? Are you okay?" He sounded concerned. He was probably thinking she was still devastated about her mother not being here.

"Yes babe, come in" she said, carefully closing the book. He came in, concern still written in his features.
"I'm sorry, Castle" she apologized for worrying him "I just got entangled in the book" she hold up the book and saw him relax.

"Okay" he smiled at her again, leaning down to kiss the crown of her head. "Dinner is ready. I'll keep it warm. Whenever you are ready, Kate" he told her, starting to make his way out of the bathroom again.

"I'll be out in a few minutes" she replied.

And true to her word ten minutes later she came out of the bedroom, dressed in a stunning red dress and with her hair falling down her shoulders in beautiful waves, still a little wet. Castle stared at her in awe.

"You look gorgeous, Kate" he told her, walking towards her. "You didn't have to dress up, though"

"Really? You are still trying to say that?" she repeated his earlier words. It's what he always said but she liked dressing up for him. She loved the joy in his eyes the moment he registered she was dressing up just for him and nobody else.

"Yes, always" he answered while he took her hand and started to walk them towards the table. "You don't have to dress up for me, Kate. I love you no matter what you are wearing. You don't have to put on tight uncomfortable dresses for me"

Kate grinned at him mischievously. "Well, Castle, you can help me out of it later" she said teasingly, loving how her innuendo still made him swallow.
"But first, I want to enjoy this dinner you made me and maybe dance"

"Whatever you want, birthday girl" he replied and pulled her chair back so she could sit down before he went into the kitchen to get their meal.

"So, Castle? What did you tell, Lilly?" Kate asked during they ate.

"What do you mean?" Castle asked innocently.

"Please" Kate rolled her eyes. "A few days back she got a tantrum when we told her she and the twins would spend the night with Alexis and today she goes with her without a single complaint?"

Castle thought about his talk he had had with his little daughter a few days back. At breakfast he and Kate had told the kids that Alexis would pick them up on Kate's birthday and Lilly hadn't liked the idea at all. She found it unfair that she wasn't allowed to spend her mother's whole birthday with her. She had gotten a tantrum and ran up to her room. Kate, already being late for work, had left the task to comfort her to her husband.

"Lilly" Castle said gently. Kate had left for work and the twins where in their room playing Lego. Now he had time to deal with her tantrum, explain things.

"Go away!" Lilly yelled and buried her face in her cushion again. Oh god, Castle thought, he was looking forward to her teenage years… "You are so unfair, dad" Ouch, that hurt. She rarely called him dad. He was still daddy.

"Lilly, baby, let me explain" he said. She looked up again, glaring at him with her Beckett-glare. Sometimes she resembled her mother a little too much.

"What's there to explain?" she asked stubbornly, angry tears running down her cheeks. "You get to spend all day with mommy and Jake and Reece and I have to go to Alexis. That's just unfair, dad! I want to celebrate mommy's birthday too"

"And you will, Lilly. We are going to make a huge breakfast for mommy which we are going to eat all together in our bed. Then we are giving her presents and then we can play all day until late afternoon." Castle explained.

"And then Alexis picks us up and you have mommy to yourself! That's unfair!" Lilly sobbed.

"Lilly" Castle started patiently. "It's not about having mommy to myself" He waited if she was listening before he continued. "You know how mommy sometimes gets sad because Grandma Johanna isn't here anymore, right?"

Lilly nodded. She was calmer now. She didn't know what Grandma Johanna had to do with mommy's birthday but she was listening now.

"So you know how some days she misses her more than others, right?" Castle asked.

Lilly nodded again. "Like Christmas and January, 9th?"

"Exactly. Good memory" Castle praised. "And her birthday is one of those days too. Before your mommy and I got together she never celebrated her birthday. She went to work like every other day and once she would get home she would just be sad about Grandma Johanna being dead."

Lilly was listening intently to her father. She absorbed every story she could get about her parents. And Grandma Johanna. She loved to hear about her.

"So when we got together it was difficult for mommy to let me celebrate her birthday with her. Because celebration wasn't what she was used to for her birthday. But she let me give her presents, bring her breakfast to bed and cook her dinner. She didn't took time off from work though. She just started that when you came along, Lilly."

"I still don't understand why we have to go to Alexis" Lilly said, but she wasn't furious anymore. Only curious and a little upset.

"Your mommy is enjoying her birthday now, she is not hiding behind work and crying over Grandma Johanna's death like she did before we got together. She loves spending the day with you, Lilly. And Jake and Reece. Because she loves you more than anything else in the world. We both do.

But she still needs some time to mourn her mom. Because at some point during her birthday she will become sad that Grandma Johanna can't be here to celebrate with us. So she is going to be sad for some time. And she'll need some alone-time then."

"I don't want mommy to be sad on her birthday. Or any other day" Lilly said, tears in her eyes. Castle pulled her in his lap.

"I don't want that either but that's just how it is, baby. But don't worry, she doesn't spend much time being sad. But she still needs some quiet time …"

"…and we are not quiet" Lilly finished for him, slowly getting the idea.

"No, you are not. And that's okay because mommy is going to have so much fun playing with you and Jake and Reece on her birthday until Alexis picks you up"

"And after that?" Lilly asked. She always needed to know everything. She was a curious little thing.

"After Alexis picked you up mommy is going to take a bath…" Castle started.

"And cry?" asked Lilly concerned. Sometimes she was just too smart, Castle thought.

"Maybe. I don't know" Castle said. He and Kate were never lying to their kids. They were always honest and wanted them to understand even if the truth was harder for the moment than a lie would be. But since they both had experienced that in the end a lie would hurt far more than the truth they didn't usually lie to their kids.

"Why don't you distract her from being sad? Why aren't we allowed to stay here and distract her?"

"Sometimes people need to be sad and cry a bit before they are ready to let themselves be distracted again. It makes people strong again even if being sad isn't nice. Sometimes it's necessary."

"I don't like mommy being sad" Lilly told him. She looked upset about the idea of her mother crying alone. She snuggled in Rick's chest to seek comfort.

"I don't either. It's pretty hard to let her have her bath, knowing that she is going to be sad, even for me. And that's why you are going to stay with Alexis. Because mommy needs quiet time and because it's so hard."

"Won't you comfort her, daddy?" Lilly asked, tears in her voice.

"Of course I will, baby. I'll let her have some time to herself and then I'm going to comfort her with some parent's time." He explained.

"What are you doing during parent's time?" Lilly asked, always curious (She was a little Castle after all)

Castle coughed once, when one particular action for parent's time crossed his mind. He shoved the image back and said "We are going to have dinner, talk, dance if mommy wants, maybe watch a movie and cuddle."

"Okay" Lilly said.

"Okay?" asked Castle. He wanted to be sure that she understood everything, that she got all her questions answered and that she wasn't upset anymore.

Lilly nodded and hugged her dad. "She is not going to be sad for long, is she?" she whispered.

"No, Lilly, I promise it will just be for a short amount of time"

"Okay" agreed Lilly, hugging her dad's neck, still needing his comfort because the idea of her mother being sad still made her upset. She rested her head on his shoulder, listening to the noises of the loft. "Do you have to check on Jake and Reece now, daddy?"

"Soon, why?" asked Castle his little girl who was still cuddled against him.

"Because I want to have you to myself for a few more minutes before we are going to play with them." From her request Castle knew that she was still pretty upset about the concept of her mother being sad. Castle run his hand through her hair in a soothing motion.

"That's okay, Lilly. The twins are busy playing Lego anyway." He told her and gave her the cuddle time she needed to be okay again. She slowly started to relax and Castle could practically feel her thoughts drifting in another direction.

"Can we go to the park later, daddy?" she asked after a few minutes, hopping from his lap and looking at him with hopeful eyes.

"Of course" he said, glad that she seemed to be fine now. "You can pack the things we'll need while I get the twins ready, alright?"

"Okay" Lilly agreed.

O-o-o-o-o

"Have I told you recently what an amazing father you are, Castle?" Kate asked after he had told her about his conversation with Lilly.

He smiled softly, absorbing her compliment before he said grinning "Well, our kids have pretty amazing parents."

She rolled her eyes at him and protested when he got up to put the dishes away, not allowing her to do a thing.

"You want to dance?" he asked when he came back from the kitchen, standing in front of her.
"I'd love to" Kate smiled up at him and took his outstretched hand so he could pull her up.

In the living room they swayed slowly to the music, enjoying each other's warmth without talking.

"Thanks for making my birthday perfect every year" she whispered against his neck after some time. She knew it was difficult for him to let her mourn her mother on her birthday but he understood the need of it. And for her this birthday tradition was just perfect. Spending the morning and afternoon with Rick and the kids, getting to mourn her mother for some time, spending the evening with Rick and having brunch with the whole family the next morning. That's how she wanted to spend her birthday for the rest of her life.

"Always" Castle answered against her ear, his breath sending warmth through her body.

Just when she turned her head to kiss him and start the best part of the evening his cellphone started to ring with Alexis' ringtone. They pulled apart, both slightly worried why their babysitter was calling them.

Castle picked up and put the phone on speaker so Kate could listen in. "Hey pumpkin, what's up?"

"I'm sorry to disturb your parent's time" Alexis emphasized the words she knew could only be her dad's when Lilly had used them earlier. "But Lilly won't settle down until she said her mother goodnight."

"Okay" Castle said. "Thanks for calling, Alexis. Please hand her the phone" He waited until his little girl was in the line and greeted her.

"I want to talk to mommy" Lilly said without preamble.

"Sure" Castle chuckled and handed Kate the phone.

"Hello my sweet girl" Kate greeted.

"How are you mommy?" Lilly asked.

"I'm great, Lilly" Kate answered.

"Are you sure?" Oh, her sweet little-Castle-baby-girl, always rechecking that she really was okay.

"Yes perfect, baby. I was just dancing with daddy" Kate told her.

"Okay" Lilly said, seemingly satisfied with the answer until she thought better of it. "Are you happy?"

"Yes, I am" Kate told her.

"Are you ready to go to bed now, Lilly?" asked Alexis.

"Almost" Lilly answered her. "I love you mommy. And daddy" she said into the phone.

"We love you too" Kate and Rick said in unison. "Goodnight, sweetheart" Kate added while Rick said "Sweet dreams, baby girl"

"Goodnight" replied Lilly and gave the phone back to Alexis.

"Well, I'm pretty sure she'll be asleep soon. So enjoy the rest of the evening" Alexis said.

"Thanks Alexis. And thanks for calling" Kate thanked her step-daughter.

"No problem. See you tomorrow. Have a good night" Alexis replied and they bid their goodbyes.

Castle put the phone in his pocket, while Kate came up to him and closed her hands in his neck again.
"Did you want to continue dancing?" he asked while pulling her closer towards him.
"No" answered Kate and closed the small gap between their lips.

They kissed in the middle of the living room until Kate got impatient and dragged her husband into their bedroom, closing the door behind them.