Sunday, day after 62th Sensha-do championship.
Location: East coast of Kyushu, Japan.
I woke up in my bed. Quick look at my alarm clock showed that was "5:56" in the morning. For once I was up before my alarm clock actually woke me up. As I got up, I couldn't help but think about what happened yesterday. The entire time of my last battle with Pravda tanks in finals was long 10 minutes. Yet it felt like I spent hours there. Technically I had spent last part of finals battle much longer, than the rest of the world… what happened still freaked me out, but my talk with Maho helped me greatly. Just knowing my sister believed me meant that I wasn't alone. I didn't have to hold this burden inside of me alone anymore.
I wonder how sis is holding up with everything. It must have been intense for her to been told, that I have powers… I hope she handled it well. If somebody will know how to help me, I am sure that Sis will be the one to help me. After all, she always knew what to tell me. Like when I didn't know what to do, when Emi, Hitomi and Chihiro came into my to life. She was the one to help me to not lose them as friends. Smiling softly at the memory.
I take a look on my desk to see work I did in few hours of my work on getting some theories down. Of course it wasn't as easy as finding forum for people who can manipulate time… There was a lots of theories, but nothing concrete that I needed. Main theories like Chaos theory.
Einstein theory of Relativity, or wormhole travel were interesting theories, but definitely weren't my case. The Other theories also provided informations, but none could explain on what happened to me, but provided me with lots of paradoxes and possibilities. I guess I can't expect direct results. But what caught my eye were definitely were 3 major theories on how timeline worked branches.
1:Fixed Timeline. In this timeline nothing you change will have any impact on future. Thats is because of Novikov self-consistency principle. WHich meant that even if you went back into past to kill somebody, somebody else would simply replace him, thus making any change meaningless.
Timeline. Altered events in the past, have definite impact on the present. For example if you kill your own grandfather, you will prevent your own birth, but as you would go back into future, you would be forced to continue going back to kill your Grandfather over and over in infinite Paradox.
ie alternative timelines. In an infinite number of parallel universes. Traveling back in time causes new divergent timeline from the first. Because of this, traveler can with impunity, and only new timeline will be affected. Like if you killed your grandparents, nothing will happen to you. They would be dead in original timeline, while you will create timeline in which you don't exist.
I quickly looked through the news, who were also worrying, but there was nothing she could do about it, but hope for UN intervention. Thinking about that madness will not help me. It's time to go get ready for the day.
After my morning routine I realized, that I don't have anything to do until afternoon. I waked up early today and it was a sunday, so no school today. After some pondering on what to do I decided to have some breakfast, took my school uniform and take a walk, to clear my mind.
Walking down through the dorm corridors with only a handful of students awake so far. Outside it was quite peaceful. When I got to the park on the side of ship, near the campus I was rewarded with sunrise. I watched from the bench as sun slowly got up from the horizont casting its morning light on the sea. I simply enjoyed the quiet scenery.
It's strange. Yesterday went completely differently then I thought possible. From normal Panzerkraft match, where I saw two unthinkable things happen. First when I saw that poor girl die and then our team losing the match. That's when I found out, that I could actually rewind the time. Even now I felt goosebumps all over my body.
The sun was already halfly above the water surface, giving the feeling of calmness to my internal monologue. Maho and I have talked a lot. She didn't fully believed me at first and that doubt hurt me a little, but I knew that I couldn't expect anything else.
Then I had blacked out and had that dream or what it was.. What it was all about with storm and the following snow? It helped Maho to give me her trust. No.. that wasn't full truth. She still has her doubts, but I am her younger sister and she give me benefit of doubt. It was strange, but we after that opened up to each other. We always were close to each other, but after we were old enough Maho went to become Heiress and I followed in her footsteps. It was at that time, that I realized, that there was line, we weren't willing to cross and the distance started to grow… It made us to kept things from each other. We pre-"
Ringing of my phone made me yelp in surprise as I didn't realize, how much immersed I was in my thoughts. Taking out my phone and checking the callers ID. Maho was calling me.
Accepting the call I heard my sister's voice before I could even speak. "Miho! Where are you?!" She definitely sounded worried. "I am in the park. Is something the matter?" I could swear I heard sigh from her. "I was just worried that something happened to you... I came to your room and you wasn't there. There were scattered things across your entire room and there was no sign of you being in the dorm as nobody seemed to see you."
I was speechless. Did she really got worried so much about me? What was she even doing there? She almost never ventured into my room, since she kept her usual distance. "I am alright sis. Did you needed something?" Maybe something in regards with yesterday?
"I wanted to invite you to have some breakfast with me." It left me shocked. Not only coming to my room, but also going for breakfast with me?! "Miho, tonight I have been thinking." Before I could ask, she quickly added. "I have been thinking about us and our current relationship." She made small pause. "Let's talk more at breakfast. Stay where you are and I will pick you up." She hung up... That was actually more like her. Saying what was needed and leave chatter out. I actually smiled at that. First sign of normalcy today so far.
My phone vibrated as I received new message from Maho. "I will pick you up in 5 min, be there." Standing up and heading to the road I wondered, what this day is going to bring up.
We parked our school Kübelwagen in the parking lot on the right side beside the restaurant. It was recent addition and we sometime went here with our teammates. It might be surprising to some people, but it was just a normal german themed restaurant. Main difference was that this one didn't have anything tank related. It was one of the reasons why it quickly became our favorite, since we could forget that we were tank club members with nobody paying us attention, that we would get in tankery oriented one.
We found empty boot on the sideline in the corner, so we wouldn't be so much on the eyes. It was funny, since we both were still in our grey and black school uniforms. Then again, looking around the restaurant, we weren't only girls from school in uniforms either, but thankfully no known face among them was also good sign. When waitress came in we filled her on our orders and quickly left again.
"Miho, I have been thinking, that after yesterday night, that we don't spend too much time together as we used to." I saw Maho getting regretful look. "It's alright sis, you have a lots of work as team commander and I am doing work of vice-commander myself. Beside that we have school and homework we have to handle. Then there is fact that Mother is giving you some more duties. She wants you to inherit her place in Panzerkraft as next head of Nishizumi family and next year you are going to be going graduating. We are not the kids who has that free time." I knew I sounded sad at the end, despite my tries to sound reassuringly and she must have picked up on it, given our sense for each other.
"I know, but that doesn't mean that we can't spend time together like sisters we are. I thought that after we talked about it yesterday, that we both know too well, that there are things… things we are not telling each other… and I want to change that." I knew she was right. After yesterday, it was painfully obvious, that the distance between us is there and how we both wanted to say things that we wanted to share. Yet our needs to not drag the each other into what we see as our problem and need to protect each other is not helping. Thankfully waitress came in to bring us our food and drink, before leaving us alone.
As we eat in silence, pondering the conversation we had. Our fears and emotions we hold from each other. Being Nishizumi put a lots of stress between us. I wanted to help my own sister in her life, but what did she wanted from me? Did she desired to have me along the way? I knew there was something she was hiding from me, but I didn't know what that was and until we talk pour our hearts I will not know.
"Miho, are you still capable of…" she trailed a little, checking our surroundings and making me nervous knowing that she decided to confront elephant in the room. "Are you still able to reverse time?" It was genuine question, yet I also detected hint of worry. She always worried too much for me. She could be stoic over anything Mother or people around her were saying, but if it came to me, she never managed to fully contain her worry. Why I am running from the reality again? I wanted to be strong… I need to find it, because I don't want anybody else getting hurt again. There is no time for self doubt. For the first time I found word to some truth in Nishizumi style. There is no retreat. Always advance.
I searched myself, looking for the familiar feeling inside of me. "Miho? Are you alright? Miho talk to me please." I didn't look at her. I knew she was worrying, but I have to find out if I still have it. As I found the familiar feeling I opened me eyes to see worried sister talking to me, yet I decided to ignored her and focus on reversing time. Everything froze until it started to move backwards. Looking around I saw everything slightly in haze. Peoples were moving backwards with their after images. I continued to reversed to the time, when she asked me that question.
"I still can do it sis." I told her with small smile. I saw her face going back to cold persona for few moments, before she closed her eyes and was back to gentle smiling sister I knew, when she was around me without people. She was doubting me, yet her heart had refused to doubt what I said. "I will prove it to you sis." I said with determined voice and saw her smile her true smile in return.
I looked around, thinking of how to prove it to her, maybe something here in restaurant? I looked around ,but nothing seemed to catch my attention. Maybe something outside? Looking out of window made me only saw people and girls walking around… but would that suffice to Maho if I tell her who will came around and in what order? I was furiously thinking what could be best way to show to her, when I saw her checking the time on her phone.
"We will have to go Miho, we have to prepare things for the practice." Yeah practice… wait! We have practice?! I totally forgot about that! I felt like facepalming. Then it hit me. "Maho." I called her to catch her attention. "I will prove it to you on the practice today!" She looked surprised. Realization dawned upon me, that I was very ecstatic about it. Speaking in firm and confident voice, while giving her small smirk. It must be for the first time since we were kids that she saw me this ecstatic and it surprised even me. I saw her giving me her full smile. The last I saw it on her was probably around same time I spoke like this.
I suddenly started to feel more free. Shadow of my family didn't feel heavy right now. Because I was genuinely happy and actually looked forward to something. Like when I wanted to show things to her as kid. It brought me sentimental feeling. Was I that ecstatic to show her my power? I almost forgotten how that feel... Maybe I was so long under crushing feeling that I got from being Nishizumi, yet now… for the first time in years I was truly happy to be.
As we were exiting restaurant and heading back to our garages, I was thinking that I was now actually looking forward to practice and especially to show my sister my ability. I was already forming plan where and how I can show her it the best way.
After getting to the garages, we took care of all paperwork that were left there since yesterday and did the preparations for the today's practice. When I checked time It was "12:45", which means girls were getting ready and I should pick up Maho and head down to the tank sheds so we could start the drill.
When I went to Maho's office next to mine's, I simply went it, not bothering to knock on the doors. From my view it looked like she was done with everything for some time as she seemed like she was in deep thoughts, since she didn't even registered my entrance.
"Maho, is something the matter?" Maho yerked her head towards me with surprised expression, before smiling reassuringly. "No, I have been just thinking a lot today, that's all." She might have been dismissive on the matter, but it made me unhappy. Here it was again, evading questions, that she should have no problem talking about with me. We are alone after all.
"Sis, just talk about it with me, please. We are still alone and have few minutes of time." I made sure my voice was firm on the matter. I wanted her to understand. "You have been different today." She started carefully, not wanting to step into possible word minefield. "You have been more like you used to be, when you were kid, yet you start to show more confidence. It's been long time since I saw you smile like that." Did I really had my change so big for her to make such a deal from it?
"Sis, I told you yesterday. I want to be stronger and I want to be with you on terms like we used to be. I decided to make that step and try to be stronger person." Letting it sink I checked time "12:52". "Besides sis, we need to go. We have our team to meet and I still want to show you my time power." I watched her to squint her eyes slightly as her face gained careful look upon seeing what I could only describe as impish grin. I just took my head and started to drag her towards sheds.
Upon entering sheds, all girls were already waiting and chatting together. Erika was like usually first to see us and shouted at other girls to get into line and I did the usual roll-call, making sure everybody was there, before leaving the rest to Maho.
"Thank you for coming today. We have already prepared prepared plan for today's practice. We have decided to have target and formations practice. At the end we will have small recap from yesterday match and also results of today's practice like usual. Since it's sunday we will keep it relatively short." As Maho finished explaining, it seemed that words "short and sunday" made everybody more happy about the whole thing. I it as my time and took step forward to do my another part.
"You will be divided into five groups by five tanks and will take turns in the shooting range. After I name commanders, please step forward. Group 1 will be lead by Itsumi Erika. Group 2, Akaboshi Koume. Group 3, Geshiko. Group 4, Mauko. Group 5, Ritaiko. Your team composition is here." I handed each group commander list with their members, before going back to stand beside Maho, as we waited for them to organise their teams. "I see everybody is with their group, so go to your designated tanks and move to the shooting range area."
We drove in Kübelwagen on top of the hill, where we had observation platform build for observing shooting ranges. I stood beside Maho overlooking entire range from there.
I checked the time "13:15" and made mental note to buy watches. Maho took radio from radio operator sitting at her desk next to her, before ordering first group to begin. I looked as Erikas group of five Tiger II's came in to stop on the line, that marked it as 2000m distance. They fired 5 shells each at the targets, before moving moving forward to 1800m line to shoot again. This was repeated until 400m line, after that they would move into area on the right side of the hill, where they began their practice shooting on the move, while Group 2 made up from Panthers would take their place until all groups will made their runs. Every Group will be evaluated according the results and may have to re-run it again if the results are not good enough. I watched intently as Tigers made their run, before turning behind me to see observer staff to write down the results of Group 1 came in. I took the finished results and started to memorise them.
I raised hand and rewinded time back before Group 1 came in. I checked the time "13:14". "I made it almost precisely. I turned to my sister and stopped her, before she could take a radio. "I will now tell you how will results go for the Erika and her group." She looked at me expectantly, while few heads turned up in our direction, as they found my whispering as something interesting.
"Group 1 will miss 72 shots, their accuracy will be 88% for fires from stop and 27 misses. Their accuracy from fire on the move will be 80% with 45 missed shots." I told her and saw her inner doubts, but also hope. I decided to make sure that it will be persuasive enough so I added. "Erika will miss 5 shots in first range, 2 at starting line, 1 at 1800m line and then 1 in 1600m line and one in 1000m line. In second part of shooting range she will miss 7 shots with the last one being because her Tiger's track will broke and she will have to repair it."
She actually blinked in surprise at me, most likely didn't expected me to add Erika from all people. Few girls from the staff looked at me curiously, but they decided not to bring our attention on them. "We will see then." Was all she said, before nodding at radio operator to start the practice.
I and practically all staff who were in positioness to see, watched closely Erika's Tiger. As they progressed, I saw Maho to smirk and murmurs from the staff. It slowly dawned upon me, that it might have not been that good idea since they apparently overheard me. I played with thought of going back and make sure they dont hear me, but in the end I decided against it. What could could happen? They will chalk it up to me having lucky day or something. Still I had to acknowledge, that it was funny to watch them to see if what I said was really happening. When Erika's Tiger detracted, making the last shot miss, everybody was looking at it strangely, while sending me discreet, or at least trying to send discreet glances at me.
When the results came in I couldn't stifle my laugh as the girl responsible for making the official report was gaping like a fish at it. Maho had to do her thing with closing eyes, to get herself in order so nobody would see how she almost joined me in laughing. She rather opted to put her serious persona on, and went for the report. Quickly scanning the document with trained eye for any inaccuracy in what I told her, but found none so she put it back on table. As we went to watch next groupe I could hear Ritaiko who was currently among the staff, since she didn't get into practice team snatched up the report and gasped as she started saying that I was right.
"So, do you think you can repeat your prophetic words? Koume is next after all." She give me that pointed look. I looked around scanning the surroundings, until I spotted blackboard for writing and went to it. I checked time "13:32" I quickly wrote down results that I just typed on what it might be. It's not like its going to matter since I will rewind back before I wrote it down. We went to watching with Maho was talking with Ritaiko, but I opted to ignored it and waited for the results and rewinded.
"So, do you think you can repeat your prophetic words? Koume is next after all." She give me that pointed look. I just nodded and went to the blackboard and grinned. "Alright I will say, that Group 2 is going to have total of 86 missed shots. Accuracy in first part will be 86% and 36 missed shots. Part two will be 78% and 50 missed shots." Everybody was still looking at me expectantly. "I am sorry, but I don't think that there will be any accident." Was that disappointment on their faces? I didn't took them for bunch of people hoping that another person will lose track just for their fun, but even I had to agree, that fuming Erika was funny to watch. "Alright, somebody else want to try type results? "My try at getting them come up with their own guesses at results was mixed with uncertainty, so It was my turn to give pointed look to Maho this time. "Everybody, the winner with most right guesses will get free food at that new german themed restaurant, that opened recently." That did the trick with Ritaiko again took opportunity and started to write numbers below mines while muttering something about wanting to get that special food she wanted to try. That lead to actually half of staff making their own assumptions. As the practice progressed, it was evident to everybody that I was right in everything again, that lead to collective sigh of disappointment. Especially since nothing of noteworthy happened as I said.
I was glad, it seemed like everybody was having a good time. Well beside people who were made to do the actual practice. They clearly didn't enjoyed it as much as we, since they had to experience the unexpected waiting times for us to conclude rounds of bets to begin.
I was starting to feel headache, but tried to act like nothing was wrong. Last thing I needed was for Maho to worry again. Especially now that she was having fun and even talked with several people around jokingly. Although it scared staff at first, halfly expecting it to be a some kind of trap. I had to made sure that everybody knew that it's still was her and no repercussion is awaiting them. Maho give me several grateful smiles. She didn't have usually such opportunity to interact like this with our team members, making me glad for her.
I came close to her so I could whisper to her. "Do you believe me now sis?" I became slightly worried as her face became serious. "I believed you from the start. You are my sister after all. I knew you wouldn't make a lie like that in the first place." Her face was playful and even give me a cute smile as she closed her left eye, while smiling at me happily. I knew I was smiling from ear to ear at her now, before going little serious since I knew it was time for another rewind and noted that I should make few some mistakes this time.
I knew something was went bad as soon as I returned from my another trip, to see results for group 4. I could feel my body going weak and felt blood coming from my nose again. I tried to cover it quickly, but Maho managed to see it. "Miho, are you alright?! She stood up and started to walk towards me. "I just need to sit a little." But just I say that I could feel my vision starting to blur and earth became unstable under my legs. I tried to get to seat, but my legs given up on me and I felt myself falling. Last thing I remembered was Maho catching me in her arms, calling my name. But before I could lose consciousness fully, I saw image of dark storm, before the darkness took me.
I slowly woke up in unfamiliar place. My head still ached a slightly, but I felt much better. So I slowly sit up, and decided to look around. From the look of it I was alone in nurse office, that we had back near tank sheds. I still had my tankery uniform on me so I didn't had to go looking for it. Slowly I got up, and carefully headed for the door. I was halfway to them, when they opened to let Nurse inside. At first she looked startled to see me up on my legs already, but recomposured herself. "I see you are already up. I thought you will be asleep for little longer. I will just check you one last time, before you can go home." Home? "I have to go back to practice first." I commented, which earned me her raised eyebrow. "Practice should be over by now, you know." She pointed towards clocks on the wall and I saw she was right. I felt stupid for not checking the time first. "I…" Door to the office opened to let in Maho, saving me from my scattered thoughts. "Ah Nishizumi, I was just about to give your sister last check up, before sending her home." Maho had her profesional face on, making sure to maintain it despite her worries.
After brief examination, she wrote it down on her report, before turning to me and Maho again. "It seems she is alright, she just fainted, probably from overworking. None of her results are showing anything wrong, so I recommend you to have some rest for the rest of the day." I just nodded, not feeling like arguing with nurse. I just wanted to be out already. "Are you sure, that there isn't anything that could be wrong with Miho?" I saw her shot me a worried look for a split of second, before continuing to probe nurse. "I am sure of it. Her blood test came in negative and beside little nosebleed and fainting, she has no other signs. I still have some results that should be done tomorrow. I will inform you of the results once they came in, but I can safely say that there isn't anything wrong with her. SHe most likely overworked herself."
After we thanked nurse for taking care of me, I went outside with my sister. We headed back to locker room mostly in silence, broken only by me asking about practice results. Near locker room we meet several girls who headed home, but they stopped to ask about my health before going off.
As we stepped inside the room, I was pulled into hug by Koume, who looked at me worriedly. "Miho, are you okay? What did nurse say?" Before I could respond, my tank crew came in, immediately joining the flock around me, asking me questions. "I am alright, I had just fainted." People around knew that I tended to be hard worker. My crew just shook their heads at it.
I actually didn't lie to them, since I was working until late of night so it was just not on sensha-do or school related. "Miho, you need to rest today. Do you need some help with anything?" Koume was really trying. Ever since I chose her as my park partner and tank commander of Panzer 38(t) in my duel against Erika for post of Vice-Commanders position, she stayed as my close friend. She even helped to bring more girls for me to ber her friends. I felt bad that day, when I dragged her into my personal problem that brought my Nishizumi name.
"Miho, you need to take better care for yourself. We are not always around you you know?" Reiko was chiding me for some reason and rest of my crew was agreeing with her. "Hee, not you too guys!" eliciting chuckle from them. I really was lucky to have her and the rest as my crew. "I am alright Reiko, you guys don't have to worry about me." They give me their best skeptical looks, but relented after moment.
In the end the crowd started to disperse, until Only Koume and my crews stayed. We spend some nice quality time talking, before they went home and I realised, that I still have to take a shower and change.
When I returned back to my locker near the entrance door and started to change cloths. I knew Maho was still there in next room. I could tell. I was just taking on new black shirt, when Erika bumped into me making me grunt, but we quickly apologised to each other, but upon seen it was me, her face turned stoick, started to turn around to go away. "I will.." she started to say, but I took hold on her shoulder, but I did not accounted for Erika's momentum and speed she generated, when she started to quickly leave. It that send us both to the ground with my yelp. "Miho!" I heard Maho calling my name, before I even registered her opening the doors to check up on me. I saw as her eyes become shadowed by her hairs and dangerous aura coming from her. That made me realise in just how awkward position I was together with Erika, who was lying on top of her right hand between my chest and hand, while our legs were intertwined. I shared look with Erika and we silently agreed to heat up as quickly as humanly possible. "Sis!/Commander!" We said in unison to Mahos entrance. "It's alright Sis, everything is fine! We just bumped into each other." Seeing her still giving us that look, before she relented with parting word "Be more careful." She left the room and I released breath I didn't know I was holding. By the sound from Erika I wasn't only one either, but she started to depart again and I couldn't allow that.
There was one thing that was on my mind for long time now and I have been always too shy and cowardly about it. I never found strength to ask or to resolve this issue, so now was my chance. I took deep breath and called "Wait!" at Erika's retreating form and she stopped, but didn't turn to me.
"Erika, there is something that I need to talk about with you." She turned her head in my direction and I tried to read her, but her face was unreadable to me. "What is it, Vice-commander?" She didn't said it mean way, but neither in friendly either. "There is something I wanted to talk about with you for some time actually and I feel that I need to clear few things with you." I replied honestly. She was staying silent which could mean few different things, but I will not back down. Not when I already mustered courage for it. I will move forward and this is one of the barricades that stood in my way to do so. To become stronger, I realized that I need to start dealing with my problems and here was my chance to clear one.
"I know for a long time now, that you want to be by my sister side." Her face showed shock. "I realized that no matter what I did, it was never enough and even when I was the commander last year and you were my Vice, you never did acknowledge me, nor my position or anything I did for the matter." I took pause to take a breath. "You never told me why you dislike me, but you always avoided me if you could, but what bothers me the most is the way you act towards me. You never truly accepted me. Like you said back in the locker room before championship." She wasn't saying anything, opting to let me tell it.
"You challenged me to duel, thinking it will be clash of mine Nishizumi style against yours. Duel that will we decide whos is the stronger one. Yet I never told you that I saw it or even took it the same way. Back then you took me as somebody you have to defeat to prove your point and went angry at me to the point of slapping me. You thought I will fight for my Nishizumi style like we were some kind of rivals, but I never considered you as my rival to begin with." There was sharp intake of oxygen from Erika and I knew she is boiling with anger right now and wanted to say something to me that I will not like.. So I quickly continued, not giving her breathing room. "But I never took you as my rival, because in my eyes, you were better than me! You were always better inheritor to the Nishizumi style, then me from the very beginning!" Her shocked face was back and her jaw almost hit the floor from what I said to her. "So how could I clash with you for it? When I knew the truth?! I know I am not good vice commander! Or the Nishizumi style follower to begin with! Thats is why I found it acceptable for me to loose that duel with you. Because you would make better Vice-commander then me Erika!" I was shouting at her at this point, but I didn't care. Here I was putting my emotions literary in the open for her to see and I wanted her to see it.
I took calming breaths and as I watched her, her eyes shadowed again. When she raised her head up, her teary eyes was not what I was expecting to see. "You dilettante Vice! You baka! I acknowledge that you are better in sensha-do than me long time ago! You stupid! I hated the fact that commander always value you over me! She always holds you in high regard, despite you are being your happy-go-lucky self, making a lots of times naive and delayed decisions. You never feel same way like Commander Maho! You look like cheap parody in comparison to her and that's something I couldn't stand about you! Even if you are skilled, you are not simply Nishizumi embodiment that I looked up or wanted to follow! I thought about you as enemy that I need to defeat! To get stronger so I could get closer to the Commander, so she will acknowledge me! Me and not you! This year I get to respect you more than ever! Ever since that fight against Keizoku, but I never stopped out of your shadow. I wanted to be Vice-Commander standing by Commander Mahos side. Not being left behind by you again!" At this point we were both crying.
"Erika.." have you ever thought, why was I put as Vice-Commander? Why I got Tiger assigned to me and even was commander the previous year?" She just scoffed at me. "Of Course I did! It's because you are better than me and people around you recognise it. Despite you being an uncertain individual, who have hard time making decisions, you are still good tank commander and vice commander. You even did good as Commander. You are Kuromorimine New tank Ace after all! So don't tell me that you don't recognise your own own talents! That's another thing that just keep pisses me off about you!" She was out of breath too it seemed.
I didn't know what to say.. it's funny how our views differed from each other to the point it wasn't even funny. "Truth is that I was not chosen for my skills as Vice, but because I am Nishizumi and nothing else isn't acceptable. Mother simply arranged to have me vice and having my own Tiger from the beginning." I told her sadly. "I knew I will be chosen, because its expected from me. Not because of skills, not because I was better than you, but because my Mother wanted me to be good second heiress, who nobody ask what she wants. My family name literary hangs over me. Mother will never accept having daughter that does not follow the nishizumi style. Just like she, everybody else expect me to be like my sister and mother! I am Nishizumi and everybody expect me to be only one way!" I was breathing heavily at this point, tears freely flowing down from my face.
Erika looked at her feet, before erupted in laugh, that sounded so hollow and so painful. "All this time… all this time we hold this things against each other.. or mainly me... if only we talked about it before.. we could have been friends like you always wanted us to be in the first place.. but look again, we are yelling at each others our feelings. Just when I thought you never will be honest with me and yourself." She took pause to think over something. SHe punched locker to vent her frustration. Don't think this is over! I still don't likely you, but I respect your capabilities, skills and now I can even respect you for standing your ground finally!"
There was pregnant pause. "We need to cool down and go to think about all of this. We will talk later about this then. But don't forget it's not over yet!" With that she leftroom.
I sat on down on bench to calm my feelings and emotions. I was so tired. I dried my eyes and finished dressing up and went to next room for Maho, only to find her sitting on bench, deep in thoughts.
She looked so sad when I saw her face."Why?" She asked seemingly to noone. Looking like empty room could answer her. "Sis?" She was silent, before she stood up, and took me into hug. I stifled for a moment, not expecting that, but I quickly regained myself and did the same. "You never told me." It was gentle and sad tone she used. "All I ever… All I did.." she kept trailing off. "Are you happy here Miho? Please, tell me the truth." New wave of emotions came to me, still raw from before. My eyes watered again and I buried my face on her shoulder, while my hands tightened around her shoulders. "I.. I am happy sis." It was truth. I realised that I was so absorbed in the weight of my name, that I forgotten to enjoy my time here. All my times with my sister. Our few scarce moments on that hill. First time meeting Koume, Erika, Reiko, Saki, Mizuki and Toki. My first friends here, along with the rest of my team. I actually had good time here. In retrospect, everything wasn't so bad as I thought before.
We had some great matches. I meet a lot interesting peoples. Image of beautiful Mika sitting on T-20 armored tractor, playing on her Kantele and the Hug she give me. Her two crew members, when they came to look for me after our match. Touko, the overall Commander of Keizoku, who managed to fight us on even ground despite our tank superiority. Other Overall Commanders like Kay, Darjeeling, Anchovy and Nishi came to my mind. I have to smile at those fond memories.
"Sis, I really enjoyed my time I spent here and in Panzerkraft. I meet lot's of different people's. It is fun to be with you, Sis"I felt her to hug me even more closely to her, as if she feared that I will disappear from her arms. Then she let go of me and took my right hand into hers."Let's go, Miho." She give me her best reassuring smile and took me back to my room.
I watched as Miho lied on her bed, made sure she has everything she might need within her reach. With that I ruffled her hair little and left her with smile on my face. The corridor was empty, since most students were enjoying their free time outside or in their rooms. Quickly reaching my room next to Mihos I closed my doors and went to sit at my table. I brought out my diary for tasks. I checked current ones, quickly scratching the ones I have finished today. Since I didn't see anything I had left for myself I quickly wrote down few notes regarding things I noted during the training, that I wanted to appraise and also talk with Miho about to see if there was need to change something in training or practice. I made an extra note to speak with Miho and talk with nurse if there were any new findings from her tests, just to be sure and put the diary away.
Looking around my room, it was pretty normal room, with nothing out of place. Several awards I won in Panzerkraft, some tanks and few gifts from Miho. I limited my personal belongings to only necessary. This school was still strict and halfly military oriented, demanding order after all.
Looking back at my table I saw Japanese-German oriented books that I usually spent some time learning, since I wanted to go to the Germany on University after my next year. Per tradition, Nishizumi kept ties with germany and learning in germany and their university as Nishizumi was tradition. But picture of me and Miho brought my attention back to matters I had yet to properly give a thoughts. With sigh I decided I will not be getting any learning done today, so I should address the issues at hand to get them out of my mind.
First was Miho herself. I knew from the beginning, that Nishizumi style was something she was capable, but her kind heart and shy nature weren't really exactly matching with Nishizumi style. I knew it from since we were kids, that she had troubles handling things, that will come down this road. That was why I decided to do what I did. Just for her. To protect her innocence and smile. I give it my all and yet… yet it went crashing down in one single day! I couldn't help my own frustration over the whole situation. Not only I failed and couldn't protect here, when I should have been there for her. I even managed to put distance between us and I couldn't really blame it on mother as much as I wanted. Oh how I wish I could blame it all on her, because it was partly her fault for how things were, but I couldn't lie to myself. It's mere reaction to my actions… certain very true proverb came to my mind. Anfangen ist leicht, Beharren eine Kunst. (Starting is easy, persistence is an art.).
Looking out of window I saw people walking in campus. Ever since Miho told me about her rewind powers I knew she was speaking truth, yet part of me was having hard time believing that. I would say that my Logic and reason went against what my heart and mind felt. Small part was worrying. When she doubted me trusting in her to speak truth it hurt me more than I thought. She had some fear of telling me, because some part of her was telling her, that I wouldn't believe her, which hurt. But part of me actually didn't and as she talked more of what happened that they, it shook my trust in my relationship and everything I had with my own sister. I knew that She looked up to me as her role model and bellowed sister. She loved our mother, but I had definitely closer bond with her, than anybody else. As we started to grow up and Mother forced us into tanks, I saw for the first time, how hard it will be on her. Especially with mother wanting us to be her heirs. Seeing her struggle in her kindness upon demands of mother I decided to shoulder it on my own, so she could be free. Mother would be happy to have me as an heiress and Miho would be free to chose her life. But Miho didn't know her way, because she was kind kid, fullů of uncertainty and I resolved to protect her. Well it clearly didn't worked, since her life was struggle in finding herself, while being subjected to be my sister and Nishizumi. There were days when I thought that shadow of Nishizumi and my own was too much for her, but she always managed. Maybe I was too rush to decide for her, that she wasn't cut for it… I will have to talk about it with her.
Looking back at out picture as we holded 62 Victory flag brought me smile. Even if she never knew, it meant world that she was standing there with me the entire time. But at what cost? She saw her teammate literary die before her eyes. She hadn't realized it, but it changed her. And people around started to noticed it. I was actually thankful to her power to revert time. It spared her to live with burden of dead, that would stuck to her.
I knew that what she saw about our teammates was more of overreaction, then reality, but I knew people like Erika would definitely hold a grudge against her. Koume and rest of her crew would most likely transfer to different schools and Miho would lose even more. Mother would be most likely be furious with her and in order to keep Nishizumi name, Miho would have to accept that lost as her own fault. Because I couldn't go saying it was my mistake… it would ruin everything I did for her and my own ambitions. I knew that mother would not accept me as the one responsible, since I didn't do strategically wrong move, nor I had any control on what Miho did, so she would get blamed anyway. Blamed for losing us match, championship, reaching our 10th continuous victory. Blamed for losing morale, leaving teammates and what was worse, most likely blamed for death of her own friend.
I gritted my teeth at my own thoughts. No matter how much I wanted to say my thoughts were wrong I knew at least half of them would have come true. Miho would.. Miho would have gone away if that happened... She would not handle it well and would want to run She always run when things get out of control in her life. Like when Emi meet me and said to me that she hates me. That was something that Miho never expected. To hear that somebody hates her perfect sister like me… that was when her reality check came and she dared to ask our mother, to question Nishizumi style. Her word fall apart and it was partly my fault, because I sheltered her from that truth. I depraved her from that knowledge she should have known from the beginning. Because I was supposed to be the one to tell her gently how it was. But I was busy with my life, thinking that I have lots of time to tell her later, that I forgot to realize, that the need for it might come sooner than later. In the end, I had to with Kikuyos help tried to piece Miho back together after that night, but it never was like before…. My self deprecating smile refused to go away.
The truth was hard to swallow, but I had to learn from my mistakes. Now I had time machine as my sister. I allowed myself to laugh at my own joke. Today was great wake up call, when she fainted. I was really worried when there was blood coming from her nose, thankfully she is alright, but I will have to give her reminders on how to use her power… funny that we didn't even knew her full capabilities, but I was already thinking on how to restrict her use of them.
Come to think of it, she went back atleasts 4 times.. Maybe more times.. Now I had to find how much she rewinded to make a basis on how much stress she can handle. I quickly wrote it down on my phone. I needed to make a list of her capabilities, to see how far back she can go and what her time limits of it. I should also consider making her some test we could make on her power so she will fully control it. Next point, make rules for it, so she dont go overworking herself and don't hurt herself in the process. Also we should do it close to clinic or other medical facility, so I can rush her there, if something wrong came up.
Summing up all my notes on the matter and put my phone away. Now what to do about Erika? I saw their relationship they had from middle school. I wasn't aware of some fact until today hoewer. I was concerned about Miho, but from the all shouting, she probably needed to cool down like Erika suggested and they will talk about it honestly at later date, hopefully without Erika trying to kill her. Sighing deeply at possible complications of it.
Erika was like most girls who came to school in regards of almost going into worshiping me. She along with most students viewed me as Personification of nishizumi style which was expected from me and from Miho. Point that become painfully obvious to me. I realized that it would be difficult for Miho to be like me and in the process she would have to face her problems she had with the style, but I had faith in my ability to become perfect heires that would make Miho free. But I failed to understand just how big my shadow would become for Miho. Despite knowing that Nishizumi name will forever hang over her head and difficulties that would come with it.
I knew that Miho and Erika had troubled relationship. I tried to stay out of it, for Mihos sake, but apparently it only forced Miho to suffer it alone. I thought that if I leave her on her own, she would grove up from it just like me. It was error in my judgment, that Miho could grove up from it like me. Something i should have realised long time ago and help her to overcome it. I didn't have to be so distant to her and that lead her to her being unhappy.
But maybe something good will come out of this. She already showed signs of change. She was more spirited then entire year.. No entire last 4 years in school. Maybe she will finally realize her own worth from all of this. Another hope that was almost gone that come to a life today. Stil it would take a time to forget the hurt in her I heard from her voice in locker rooms today…
Pushing all my thoughts out of my mind I decided to check on her. When I entered her room, Miho was sitting on her bed playing with her Boko that I give her on her last birthday. "I see you are not getting much of rest." She just smiled more widely, while still holding her Boko, but said nothing. I started to close distance wondering what was going through her head. When she started to look through her window with squinting eyes, I decided to take a look as well, to see what captured her attention.
Suddenly I found myself being dragged down by two hands, forcing me to land on her bad with my back. "You little sneaker!" But she didn't seemed to take my lighthearted accusation seriously. She just sit more closer to me, while looking down at me. "You seemed to be having hard time, sis." My confusion must have been palpable, since she continued. "I mean, I hadn't heard you so distressed for a long time. You didn't even noticed me when I walked into your room as you were thinking. Kind of like today before practice." She did? When?
"You shouldn't blame yourself, sis." I wanted to protest, to reassure her that I didn't, but her face seemed to become more sterner when I opened my mouth to protest. Reminding myself, that I would only lie to her if I did tell her that, so I closed my mouth again. She definitely seemed to be pleased with herself for some reason.
That's when strange though came to my mind. Did I actually told her and she saw though that so she rewinded back? "Did you… did you rewinded?" I asked hesitantly. Not completely sure if I wanted to know the truth or not. "No. I merely knew what you are going to say. You always get that look, when you think you need to reassure me of something." Ok, so she clearly didn't, but it also meant that I was too predictable to her. That's when I realized one crucial thing. Why was I refusing her to know what I was thinking? Right, I was still unconsciously following path I chose years ago, to protect her and she didn't even knew that. My choice that seemed to not matter much anymore.
Something fluffy poked me on my face. I blinked to get a view on what it was. It was Boko she had still in her arm and she was beating me with its fluffy hand. I heard her giggle. "You should also rest, Sis. You have been thinking too much today already." I knew she was right. Too many times my thoughts ventured into deep and I definitely needed some rest for my mind.
She put boko away, then nuzzled slightly to me, making me feel her warmth and just enjoying the moment with her, so I closed my eyes and started to stroke her hair. "It's been a long time, since we just chilled out together like this. Just enjoying the moment and not thinking of anything." I think that I am losing my touch, since she seemed to be more in control for last few hours. "Let your little sister take care of you for once, Sis." Part of me really wanted just that. Forget my responsibilities, forget my worries, just let her be the one who handle it. Even if it's for a moment.
We lied down for what seemed like an hour. Mostly being silent, just enjoying the moment. Miho sometimes talked about something funny, but most of that was about boko show she loved so much, to the point of fangirlism. Deep part of me regretted, that it seemed to be only thing outside of Panzerkraft, that she seemed to know about. She will turn 16 teen in few months. I should try to help her get some new things to like, maybe I should ask Koume to help me to get her somewhere? Maybe Erika to take too… bad idea, scratch that. Erika was like Miho in this regard, panzerkraft first, then obsession of me and then she had that interest in crocodile plushies she tried to hide from everybody, but evidently forget that Miho could spot a lots of things and her living in same room as Erika last year and she told me. Not like her keychain crocodile was that inconspicuous. I felt like sweatdroping from that.
"You are thinking again, Sis!" What? "You stopped stroking my hair and got that far away look." Oh, I hadn't realized that.. "Come, lets change scenery." I wondered what she had in mind, but I let her drag me after her. After all she wanted to take care of me. That might not be that bad no? She seemed determined again, like every time when she spotted boko she wanted.
In the end we ended up at bench in park that I picked her today from, sitting on bench next to each other, eating Würsts and watching sea horizon with sun starting slowly golden hour. We just sat there, enjoying the moment and food she bought for us.
"Mother wants to speak with us tomorrow." I knew I was interrupting the mood, but I wanted to tell her. "I know, she called me today." I froze upon hearing this. What, when? She never called Miho directly for such matters, usually just called her to inform her of such things to take care of them for her. "She was worried, when she heard about me collapsing on today training." That made sense, she must have called to inform her about it and then discretely ask her how she was, to easy her own worries. Mother didn't wanted to show us her caring side much, because she had image to uphold and she wanted to hold it even before us. "We will go to the estate tomorrow." In the end it didn't seemed like it was bad for the mood. Miho wsa still enjoying her time and didn't seemed disturbed or worried about anything considering we spoke about our mother..
"Are you ok with it?" Still it can't hurt to ask. "I am alright. She might want to scold us for our misstep that almost cost us victory, but in practice battle with Keizoku, she didn't scold us about it either and that must have been in her standpoint more concerning, that we won with only 4 remaining tanks." She was right. Strategically speaking, we didn't made a mistake, but I put Miho and her small zug into dangerous situation. Not something I was willing to say openly, to not uncomfortable and risk her remembering those events.
"Eh? I didn't know it was going to happen today." Damn, my thoughts were really getting to me today. I left my guard down. I quickly looked at Miho, before looking in same direction. I saw solar eclipse right before our eyes, the temperature seemed to drop significantly as Miho started to shiver. I quickly took her into hug, trying to help us warm from sudden cold.
"There was no eclipse scheduled for today" I heard people around talking. I used my left hand to browse my phone, searching for eclipse dates. I felt cold shiver run down my spine, when I saw that today's eclipse wasn't supposed to happen at all. Snatching quick picture, before giving my full attention back to Miho. Time power, snowing, eclipse… what's happening? Yet nobody answered my thoughts.
AN/: This is bonus part. I originally wrote it, but I didn't feel like it should be in story, so I am leaving it here as bonus for you readers.
Mahos pov
I was in the locker room, after taking the shover and just as I was halfly done with dressing up shirt over my body, I heard thumb as two bodies collide with each other and Miho's scream. I didn't hesitate and run out to other room, disregarding everything because Miho's safety was my priority and hoever dared to hurt hurt her… would feel my wrath! I send the door that stood in my way almost flying out of hinges, but the sight that welcomed me made me stop. Just there, before my exes I saw Miho lying on the ground with erika lying over her. But it was what Erika's right hand were touching, that made me angry even more. Her right hand was literary groping Miho's bare breast and she looked like she was enjoying it! How dare she grope my cute innocent Miho like that!
Erika and Miho heads turned in my direction as the sound of slammed doors reached them and I watched with satisfaction how Erika's face went pale and then into horror as she just realized that she was lying on top of my half naked sister but was still groping her in the process that made her cheeks redden. If I had to describe her look right now, it would definitely fit the look of person in the middle of heaven and hell in single moment.
"Erika…" I growled at her with dangerous undertone "would you please step away from my sister?" I let my words sunk in her before adding last nail into her coffin. "And stop groping Miho's breast!" My sharp tone made her scramble away from Miho as fast as she could. "I am not going to question your secual desires, but dont go to assaluting my sister in the process." If possible, Erika's face turned completely red and bolted out of the room, before I could say something else. I definitely didn't expect her to run like that. I half expected her to blame Miho for that.
I internally sighed. Great, another matter I have to take care of, but it has to wait. Looking down at my sister, I saw her in state of shock with her blank face. I would say that her brain just was in the process if re-booting from entire experience. That made me actually sigh outwardly. Miho was kind person, but given our family and its reputation we both had to uphold, she hardly had any friends and I don't think that she had any friends outside sensha-do at all. She was my little naive sister that didn't have much of interaction in regard to what normal girls usually did or talked about so she now must be trying to process what happened to her, especially given Erika's behavior towards her.
I already could feel headache considering I will have to have that talk with her regarding these things. I considered letting it on mother, but she would most likely only scared her. Image of Serious Shiho explain it through Nishizumi style: "Hit the target when you fire, let your defences be of iron, and advance in perfect order... That is the way of Nishizumi Style." I internally shivered at this approach. Looking down at Miho I decided, that I will be having to do this on my own. Whish kikuyo was here..she always knew how to tell us such things...
Why me…..