A/N

A few things before I start the chapter-

1. I am very very sorry for not updating in a millennium. I've been busy as fuck, and I also ended up completely rewriting chapter three because the one I had before was complete rubbish.

2. THIS IS NOT THE PRANK. it might seem like it's the whomping willow prank at the beginning. It isn't.

3. I made a tumblr. It's the same as my account name (justanamelessauthor). I'll be posting info on updates there and you can ask questions or tell me ideas etc. etc. if you want. If anyone cares. I only have like .2 readers.

4. ALSO I thought it could be interesting to put questions at the end of chapters just to think about. Idk.

4. This chapter takes place in the past, at the end of fourth year. so brace yourselves. I guess.

Chapter 3

Emotional Range of a Teaspoon

Early June, 1975

As Remus felt the first hints of consciousness pressing at him, he realized a few things. The first and most obvious; that he was no longer a wolf. The second, given the sterile, familiar scent and the scratchy sheets, that he must be in the hospital wing. The third, that his arm was wrapped in such a way that he couldn't move it, and it bloody hurt to try. The fourth, which he realized as he opened his eyes and adjusted to the harsh lighting, was that Sirius Black was nowhere to be found.

There were two boys sitting at the end of his bed. The rounder of the two was slumped ungracefully in a chair, snoring obnoxiously. The other was on the floor with his head gently on the bed, fighting a losing battle with sleep. He was just awake enough to notice that Remus had opened his eyes and was now looking blearily around the hospital wing.

"Peter," the sleep-deprived looking boy hissed, nudging the aforementioned roughly with his elbow.

"Wha- I wasn't asleep!" he yelped automatically as he jolted upright in the chair, wiping a bit of drool from his chin. James rolled his eyes.

"How are you feeling, Moony?" he said, with a concerned but encouraging smile.

"Where is he?" Remus croaked, still looking around the hospital wing as though he expected Sirius to pop out from a curtain and yell 'gotcha!' (which wasn't all that unlikely, to be fair). The other two did not need to ask who 'he' was, for there was only one 'he' that Remus could or ever would be referring to at that moment in time. They shifted uncomfortably in their seats.

"Is he- oh God, I didn't hurt him did I?" he said in a panicked voice, breathing too fast now and looking around the hospital beds frantically.

"No, no, no he's fine," James assured quickly.

"Just an insufferable twat," Peter added under his breath.

"...He couldn't come last night," James said cautiously.

"Why not?" Remus said. "Last I checked he already did detention for the mandrake incident, right? ...Or did he do something else?" he asked with an unsurprised eye roll.

"Well...the thing is, he- erm," James stammered. He paused for a moment and then sighed. "You should just talk to him."

Remus narrowed his eyes. "Peter," he said cooly, fixing his gaze on the round boy in the chair. Peter squirmed uncomfortably under his stare. "Tell me where Sirius went," he said slowly, carefully enunciating each word.

Peter held his breath, seeming to swell in anguish under the stares of both Remus, who was demanding information, and James, who was demanding confidentiality. His eyes flicked desperately between the two for a couple seconds before he groaned and spat out, "hewenttotheastonomytowertoseemarlenemckinnon."

James swatted him and hissed, "nice going, blabbermouth."

"Sorry," Peter whispered back loudly, ignoring James' eye-roll.

"Please don't be angry with him, Remus," James said. "Besides, I don't know why you hate Marlene so much. She's nice, and she's friends with Lily," he said, as though that was all anyone had to do to earn his stamp of approval (and perhaps it was).

"It's not that I hate her," Remus said defensively. James raised an eyebrow. "It's a strong dislike," he conceded, "At most."

"Whatever you say, mate," James replied dismissively.

"Well, where is he now, anyway?" he asked. "Did you tell him I was here?"

James scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. "We would have, but the thing is…" he sighed. "Well, we couldn't find him in the dorm room this morning. He never came back last night," he said. It would be expected of teenage boys to say something stupid or immature in a situation like the one posed here, but luckily neither Peter nor James said anything more on the subject. They must have felt the air was tense and unsteady, even if they hadn't the foggiest why.

Remus opened his mouth to say something, but no sound came out. He closed his eyes and shook his head once, like his mind was an etch-a-sketch and the movement could wipe it clean. Then, he cleared his throat and said one thing, barely audible, and barely finished as his throat closed around the sound.

"Oh."

They all sat there for a moment, awkward and silent. Madame Pomfrey stopped by as she flitted through her morning rounds, reminding them with a motherly sternness that they had ten more minutes left to talk. She knew better than to limit them to five. Besides, over the years she had acquired something of a soft spot for the boys who cared far more about each other than for her rules.

Remus rolled over and shut his eyes, leveling out his breathing. A few uneventful minutes passed before James (who probably realized he was faking) charitably whispered, "come on, Pete. He's asleep."

But he wasn't, and he wouldn't be for a while. He was too busy trying to tell himself that he didn't care.

Remus was released from the hospital wing a few hours later, and about an hour before curfew. He walked distractedly along the well-known path to Gryffindor tower, yawning once before the Fat Lady. "Password?" she asked.

He scrunched up his nose as he tried to remember before the words sprung to the front of his mind. "et mortuus est ante illam velum," he said tiredly. The portrait swung open, but to Remus' surprise a figure was stood in the entryway. "Sirius," he said, surprised.

Sirius stepped out into the hallway to stand in front of him. "Hey," he said. Remus didn't respond. Sirius' gaze landed on his arm. "Are you okay?" he asked. Remus nodded. Neither of them said anything for a beat.

Remus took a breath. "Where were you?" he asked, as though hearing it from Sirius would make what he said any different.

Sirius shifted his weight guiltily. "I couldn't make it because I was with Marlene."

Remus couldn't entirely explain the wave of anger that rose in him at this, this mysterious thing that came over him and caused him to say what came out of his mouth next. "Couldn't, or wouldn't?" he asked coldly. Sirius' eyes widened in shock. It wasn't unheard of for mellow, bookish Remus Lupin to get angry, but it was definitely rare enough that it came as an unpleasant surprise.

"I thought you would be okay with just James and Peter," he said sheepishly.

Remus snorted. "Clearly," he deadpanned, gesturing towards his bandaged arm. Sirius grimaced.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"You aren't, though. You can't be. You don't just get to apologize like it's fine just because you're sorry, like all of a sudden I matter to you because now I'm mad and it doesn't suit you," Remus said. Sirius flinched.

"Of course you fucking matter to me Remus, you're my best friend," Sirius said, a bit angry but mostly confused.

"Well it hasn't fucking felt like it lately, Sirius," Remus spat. "You hardly even talk to me anymore. Of course, that would be hard to do with your tongue down Marlene McKinnon's throat," he spat sarcastically.

Sirius recoiled like he had been slapped. "I haven't even- Remus, I-" he started.

"Tell me you would rather have been there," Remus interrupted.

"What?" Sirius asked stupidly.

Remus took a breath and shut his eyes tightly in a poor effort to squeeze the tears back in. "Tell me you would have rather been there for me instead of shagging Marlene McKinnon," he said with this voice that was distinctly his, but somehow didn't sound like him at all.

Sirius gaped for a moment, not exactly sure what to say. The truth was that he and Marlene McKinnon hadn't shagged at all (though she may have wanted to). The truth was that he was tempted to say yes, that he would have much rather been risking his life to stop his werewolf best friend from hurting himself than have been snogging his girlfriend in the astronomy tower, and he wasn't quite sure what kind of atypical teenage boy this fact made him. The truth was that he paused for just a moment too long, and Remus had heard all he needed to as he turned on his heel and raced away, leaving behind a very troubled boy who was too lost in his mind to call out 'wait!'.

Remus raced down the hallway. He ducked his head, rubbing at his splotchy cheeks and red eyes. He wasn't quite sure where he was going, but he needed to be somewhere else… somewhere he knew Sirius wouldn't follow him. He found himself in front of the library.

Reading always helped him feel better. It was like when his own world had gone to shit, he could escape to a new one for a while. He was sitting in the very back of the library, nestled at the corner of two shelves, when he saw a pair of feet approaching. He tried to wipe quickly at the hot tears leaking out of his eyes, but he couldn't quite get them to stop. Besides, the damage was already done. The feet stopped, and Remus felt someone slide down next to him.

"Are you okay?" they asked. Remus wasn't sure who it was, he was still hiding his face, but he could see a blue and silver striped tie out of the corner of his eye. The voice was distinctly male.

"Not really," he laughed half-heartedly.

"What happened?" asked the boy.

"It's a bit of a long story, really," Remus said. He wasn't really in the mood for talking.

"I've got time," the boy said, settling in next to him.

Remus sighed. "I've been in a bit of an argument with a friend. Well, more than a bit of an argument. And more than a friend, I suppose…" Remus started. The boy was a good listener, and quite perceptive.

"You have feelings for them?" He asked with this strange tone that sounded a bit surprised, but not really surprised at all. Remus hesitated and then, nearly imperceptibly, nodded his head up and down. "But they don't feel the same?"

Remus shook his head. "They're in a relationship with someone, but even if they weren't, they could never like me."

"Rubbish," the boy laughed next to him. "What's not to like?"

Remus chuckled feebly, before sighing. "I think I might have been too harsh on them. I said some things that I shouldn't have, I mean. The worst part is that I thought I didn't care anymore, but seeing him with her, hearing about them together...I couldn't do it," he said weakly. "And now I'm spilling my guts to a stranger in the library past curfew," he said with a feeble, self-loathing laugh.

"It's okay," the boy said, reassuringly putting a hand on his shoulder for a moment. "You're Remus Lupin, right?" he asked.

Remus looked up. The boy had straight teeth and clear skin, with strategically messy chocolate brown hair and perceptive blue eyes. He was quite attractive, Remus thought to himself.

"I'm Alex. Alex Norton," he amended with a smile, holding out his hand. Remus smiled back and took it.

question of the chapter: how do you think Sirius would react to finding out about Remus' feelings for him?