Author's Note: One fine day I was bored, and decided to go find Skyrim fanfiction to kill the time. And while I found a lot of good ones, I was disappointed by the lack of Dovahkiin/Harem stories I could find. And... ta-dah, here I am, writing a crappy story. On the off-chance someone actually reads this... please be kind to me, I haven't written anything in half a decade.

Chapter 1 – An Unoriginal In Medias Res Prologue That Establishes A Backstory

I had been in way too many life-threatening situations to count, from rampaging bears to bloodthirsty bandits, from beleaguered legionnaires to ticked-off thieves and angry assassins. But today was really taking the cake for me.

"Next! The renegade from Cyrodiil!" The Captain called out like the Herald of Death; even the sky seemed to echo those words. Somehow I knew this time wouldn't be like the other times. Not that I was in any way lacking in experience with facing death, but somehow there was just something about the sheer powerlessness I found myself in that really drove it in for me, especially on today, of all days. Somehow, unlike every other dark time in my life, I just couldn't see any silver lining or way out of this mess. It's not fair! A repressed part of me raged, one that I had been keeping mollified for most of my life, and I couldn't find a witty comeback, some smart snark that would convince me that it would work out. Even in the earliest days of my childhood words hadn't failed me like this before.

"The fruit vendor shook his fists angrily. "Come back here, you damned urchins! I'll call the guards on you!" Laughing at the absurdity of the "request", Marlene and I rounded the corner, and right into a member of the Imperial Watch. "Stop right there, criminal scum!" A phrase I had heard innumerable times at this point didn't help me control my laughter. What did, however, was the fact that I could see my childhood friend about to be grabbed by a second, clearly smarter, guard. Out of options, all I, as the "big kid" of the orphanage could do, was tackle the second guard and protect Marlene. While Marlene, reluctantly, got away with most of the food, I was naturally caught and thrown into jail. "Well, Marius, things could still be worse," I told myself while nursing a bruise, trying to convince myself that things would be fine. It still wasn't fair, though. All I'd wanted to do was to get some fruits to keep the younger orphans, since there was no way the orphanage could afford to feed all the displaced from when the Imperial City was sacked. And yet, clearly, no good deed goes unpunished. However, I refused to stay down. After all, I'd been doing the right thing, as far as I was concerned. No matter how this situation went, I'd find a silver lining, remain positive… keep that devil-may-care smile on my face so people wouldn't know how not alright I really was. Either I managed to escape, or I'd have my own accommodations in the Imperial City. Zero rent, two square meals a day, and hell, my new place even came with its own guards! Life in prison wouldn't have to be so bad, I thought to myself as I found a spare lockpick under my pillow…

"I said, next prisoner," the Captain repeated, snapping me out of my flashback, and I mentally cursed. Wasn't I at least entitled to having my life flash before my eyes when I was about to be executed? Damn Skyrim savages, lacking even the decency to let a kid have a few expository flashbacks to retell how he got there! "To the block, prisoner. Nice and easy." At least her Lieutenant had manners. I retracted my previous statement. The Nord soldier had been nothing but polite to me, nothing like the Imperial Captain. Perhaps it says a lot about my low expectations, that even receiving a modicum of tact regarding my impending death brightened my dreary day. After all, that'd been way more than I received from the Imperial City's Thieves Guild and the local branch of the Morag Tong.

"YOU'LL PAY FOR STEALING FROM US, BOY!" The hooded thief yelled at me, and I winced. Whoever this representative of the glorious Thieves Guild was, stealth and being quiet was clearly not his forte. "Technically, it wasn't yours to begin with…" I began, before quickly jumping, as an arrow flew past where my hamstring had been mere seconds ago. "We expected more from you, boy. Your skills were impressive, impressive enough to even have been the best of us… but in the end, you're nothing but a street urchin." A second voice, calmer and colder, rang out from the rooftops. Damn, the new Guildmaster had come out too. "Well, seeing as how most of you are in jail, I suppose I became the best thief by default…" I tried again, before quickly turning my head to the right, as a dagger sailed past my left ear. They were really determined, I'd have to give them that… but the few thieves that hadn't been caught had been those who didn't really do field work, and thus weren't at the sting. So what game were they playing, chasing little old me? The answer, it turned out, came in the form a Morag Tong poisoned dagger burying itself in my left arm. "You're right, kid… you outclass me and Julien here… and that's why we called for backup." By Akatosh, just how much did they hate me?! All I did was stop the old Guildmaster from stealing from my best friend Jacob and earning a pardon from the Imperial Watch by selling them out to Commander Maro. I thought they'd understand, I needed to clean my slate before I tried joining the Legion next month, and the vault in the Thieves Guild had enough to keep the orphanage well-funded for as long as I was gone. But apparently they took it far more personally than I'd thought, even going so far as to put a contract on me to the Morag bloody Tong. As my left arm burned, and the Morag Tong assassin came out of the alleyway, I knew I was surrounded. But still, I had absolutely no intention of giving in. After all, I'd taken down the Thieves Guild, and I'd be damned if I were to let these glorified criminals be the ones to put me down. Also, there were rumors that those killed by a Morag Tong blade would be doomed to an afterlife in Mephala's realm, something which was really outside of my plans for the day.

Eventually, I'd managed to lose them in the labyrinth of local alleyways, utilising my vast experience of the streets, and collapsed in a heap in some random citizen's attic. That had gotten really dicey, near the end. Luckily, a makeshift tourniquet from my torn top had slowed the poisoned dagger long enough for me to clean the wound and grab a Potion of Cure Poison. All in all, I had supposed, a net positive. After all, I had an awesome new dagger, an escape from Mephala… a minor net positive, to be sure, but still a net positive. And with me preparing for a new life in the Legion, who knew? Perhaps, I had supposed, the dagger would come in handy… as it had, when a bear had caught me and a fellow Auxillary unaware as we had been doing… something… in the woods.

As I stepped forward, got kicked into a kneeling position, and had my neck pressed to the block, I found my mind surprisingly clear. My prior rage had been replaced by a quiet sense of resignation. After all, upon reflection, clearly the Divines hadn't been with me since the very beginning. My luck had finally run dry. And no matter how optimistic or hopeful I got, there just wasn't any silver lining to being executed on my twentieth birthday in a foreign land. At least the nice Nord had offered to take my remains back to Cyrodiil, maybe give Marlene and Jacob some closure. And perhaps, with my death, they'd stop searching for the missing septims and gems, at least until those two were able to pawn off the valuables and raise enough gold to feed the new orphans, and maybe repair the leaking roof… huh, perhaps I could still see a silver lining. Not for me, but hey, at least it was something. As I stared at the executioner, I swore that, if I were to get out of this situation… traditionally, I'd promise something along the lines of turning a new leaf, swearing off of crime, that kind of boring stuff. But since this situation was completely out of my hands and in no way related to my previous crimes, I'd settle for just cursing the Nine and continue trying to live my own life, free of the influence of the Fates. At least I was being awarded an absolutely stellar view of an ugly large man, a bloody axe, a boring stone tower, and a lovely mountain, the peak hidden by a thick layer of clouds.

Finding the view surprisingly serene, I sighed and gave in to my resignation, wondering idly if there was time for more of my life to flash before my eyes. At least I probably wasn't going to Mephala's realm, at least Marlene and Jacob would probably have better lives, at least I'd made my peace, at least I'd enjoy a stellar view before I went to… wherever I was scheduled to go to, what with the snow-covered mountain, the lovely fluffy white clouds, the giant black dragon coming around the mountain roaring…

"What in Oblivion is that?!"

… wait, dragon?