Air bubbles floated upwards in the LCL as Asuka breathed out a sigh. At least she was in Unit 02 again – her Evangelion. The one place where nobody could touch her. She had always felt safe in here. No matter what instructors would yell at her, no matter what new guardian would await her at home, hell, no matter where she would live this year or month… none of that could reach her in her entry plug. The lesson Asuka had taken from her fourteen years of life was that people sucked, that everyone only ever looked out for their own interests, that people only ever made demands of each other: "Protect me!", "Fight for me!", "Suffer for me!". But here in her Evangelion she was safe from them all.

What was more, the Evangelion was maybe the one thing, the only thing, she had for herself. An 80m combat machine of several thousands tons, and it was hers. No matter where she moved, no matter what they got her or took away again from her, she always had had this unit. Nobody else had ever used it, and she had never used another unit. She was the pilot of Unit 02. Nobody could take that away from her.

So at least there was that. However, overall, she didn't want to be here, in the forests some thirty to fifty kilometres north of Tokyo-3. She wanted to be at home and play video games... or maybe play video games with Kensuke. It was bad enough she had to go to school everyday, but today, Misato had picked her up afterwards, and Mari as well. It wasn't even a regular synchtest, it was some bullshit special exercise that was eating up her free time, and as usual, she hadn't even gotten any prior notice.

Maybe, before coming to Japan, she would have been more enthusiastic about a training exercise against another Evangelion, testing new prototype weapons. But it seemed nobody here cared that she piloted, that she was saving them all, so why should she? It was something she had done all her life, and if told she had extra training she would do it, but… right now, she didn't feel very enthusiastic about it.

Oh well. At least she would get to hit that smug four-eyes in the face.

She could see the forests all around her, as if she were in a fully transparent cockpit. Even the largest trees only reached to 'her' waist. Even so, few would see this exercise: This was a mountainous area with no human settlement for several kilometres in all directions. Which, for a densely populated country like Japan, made this the middle of nowhere.

Currently, she was standing in a clearing… kinda. Basically, her EVA's feet entirely filled out a clearing. Opposite of her, deeper into the woods, she could see the blue paint and cyclopean face of Unit 00. There was something on the shoulders the opposing Evangelion, and also something on the left arm, and in its right hand, it held a stick with a large, EVA scale chain attached – a morning star.

EVA-02 had this something on the shoulders and the left arm as well. Meanwhile, Asuka wasn't quite clear what she held in her right hand.

"Alright, ladies." This was Misato over the comms. The newly minted Colonel was in one of NERV's high tech command trucks, which had been parked a safe distance away, to ensure that she and the 'bridge bunnies' would not get accidentally trampled in the bout. That Asuka and Mari surely would get some bruises, that was apparently considered acceptable. "I have come with some surprise presents for you!"

Asuka made a face. It would in fact be like the Colonel to consider more tools for Asuka to do her job with as 'presents'. It was another thing that most likely wouldn't have bothered a year ago – she would even have agreed back then. But now…

"Ritsu has been busy," Misato continued. "And with her help, we'll use the angels' own weapons against them! You'll note that your Evangelions are carrying something on their arms. These are unfoldable sh..."

Another voice cut in, Ritsuko's: "It is the Multivariable Metamolecular Defence and Deflection Engine 'Aegis'!" It sounded thunderous.

Mari laughed. "A shield, in other words."

"Reverse engineered from the angel designated Ramiel," Ritsuko specified. "It's 'potentially multi-formed' - that is, it can take on several geometric shapes, just like that angel could. It is merely a question of willpower. Try it some."

Asuka furrowed her eyes, then raised the EVA's left arm and looked at it. What looked like a blue disk was attached to it. She concentrated… and the EVA stumbled back. Suddenly, the disk had expanded to become a large, weird, multi-corner something… like a circle of different sized rays meeting in the middle.

"Was zur Hölle…"

She tried it again, this time imagining something more solid, something more coherent. There was a screeching sound, and suddenly the blue thing was now an orderly square.

"Hammer!"

Now that was something neat. A physical shield she could shape whatever way she wanted. She looked at Unit 00… and began to snicker maliciously when she saw Mari's shield had transformed into an irregular triangle, with one point stuck in the ground.

"Hey look!" Mari exclaimed. "It's a spade as well!" And in an added mumble: "Whether I want that or not."

"So what's the stuff on our shoulders?" Asuka asked.

Misato tried to answer, "Those are energy wh…"

"Those are your new Flexicoherent Plasamakinetic Shortrange Sidearms!" Ritsuko announced.

Misato's annoyed grunt was audible over the comms. "As I was saying… energy whips. Range of thirty to forty metres, depending. Not very strong, but might be enough to distract and irate the enemy."

Asuka wiggled her shoulders… and indeed, something that looked like whips of pure light unfolded from it. She wiggled some more, and the whips sprung into action, cutting over the forest, and shearing off several tree tops

"Not very strong, huh?" Asuka muttered.

"Now, as for your main weapon, Asuka," Misato spoke up again. The redhead looked to her EVA's right hand. The thing in there looked like a mix of a baton and a short staff with a sword guard. "Concentrate on it and shake it a bit."

Asuka scoffed at being addressed in such a patronizing way, but did as she was told. Suddenly, that thing opened up. It seemed to consist of several small parts, tubes, gears, which now re-arranged themselves… and it became a sword. Another shake, and it became a real staff. Another shake, another mechanical recombination, it was a naginata.

"Like… like…" Asuka stuttered.

"Like the angel you fought in the air, Asuka," Misato confirmed. "Yes. It's…" She stopped herself, and then sighed. "Yes, okay do your thing, Ritsu."

"My… oh," Ritsuko spoke up now. "Yes. This is the..." There was an audible pause for effect. "Submechanically Reinversible Multimartial Utility Staff 'Aaron'!"

Asuka rolled her eyes.

"So what did I get, Blondie?" Mari exclaimed.

"Oh, you got a morning star and a boomerang" Ritsuko explained matter-of-factly. Silence followed that announcement. "What? That's what they are!"

"It's… long" Mari stated about the morning star. It certainly was. The spiked ball of iron at the other end of the chain lay more than 80m away, an EVA's length.

"The specific form of the chain and the ball make it particularly susceptible to AT Fields," Ritsuko explained. "Use Unit 00's AT Fields, and you can control it. You've gotten extra training in AT Field use, haven't you?"

"You could say that," Mari muttered. That was unlike her.

"The boomerang is in your left shoulder pylon," Misato added. "It's unfoldable, as it works along the same principles as Asuka's… uh… swordclubsaberspearstaff thing."

"Alright!" Mari announced enthusiastically. "Let's rock'n'roll!" That was more like her.

"Remember to play nice, girls!" Misator reminded them. "This is just to test the new equipment. You can start at my command. Three… two… one… go!"

However, neither side moved. The two Evangelions stood there, in defensive positions, about half a kilometre apart, looking at each other, daring each other to make the first move. Eyes still fixated on Unit 00, Unit 02 shook its right hand, and the object there reconfigured into a naginata. Asuka figured she would need that reach against the morning star.

Meanwhile, Unit 00, also still looking straight ahead at its counterpart, threw the morning star's iron ball into the air and kept it circulating there. It rotated over the cyclopean head, nearly a hundred metre above it, faster and faster and faster, but in a surprisingly small circle. It shouldn't have stayed up at the end of such a long chain, but it did.

Asuka eyed the iron ball carefully. Any hit by it would probably be very painful. For a moment, everything seemed to stand still except the morning star… and then it slightly changed its motion. Immediately, Unit 02 began sprinting. The morning star came down on it from above, but Asuka ran around it in a zig-zag.

Mari swung low – Asuka jumped over the chain. Mari swung again – the iron ball landed right next to Unit 02's feet, splintering a dozen trees, while the Evangelion jumped forward. Mari pushed the ball right at Unit 02 – Asuka stepped aside, the spikes of the ball just so grazing the Evangelion's chest.

"Urrrgh…" It still hurt.

But then she leaped forwards again, bursting all trees in her path, lowered the naginata and swung. The naginata's blade connected and Unit 00 was thrown to the side.

"Hah!"

Again Asuka shook Unit 02's hand, and with a lot of mechanical noises, the naginata transformed into a solid club. The Evangelion ran to its prone counterpart and raised the club…

...when suddenly a chain swung itself around it, including the raised arm.

"I have you, Princess!" Mari taunted and then laughed manically.

Asuka wiggled in her entry plug, causing her Evangelion to do the same. Unit 02 strained against the chains. "We'll… see…" Asuka managed to push out.

Again, gears and clicking sound. The club became an incredibly lean spear with a very sharp point. It easily slid through the chains and towards the still prone Unit 00.

Mari rolled around on the ground, evading the spear, but this meant letting go of all tension in her chain. Unit 02 unentangled itself and stepped forward again. Mari tried to retreat on her back, but Asuka was upon her. Unit 02 simply passed by the spear stuck in the ground, too focused on Mari. Asuka grinned. Her Evangelion raised its leg to stomp its counter-part…

…and suddenly Asuka saw blue and her Evangelion fell over. She didn't even think – she simply started her Ninlil jumpjets in a controlled manner to get to her feet again and grabbed the spear, now holding it in a defensive position.

"Forgot our new toys?" Mari taunted. Unit 00 was on its feet again – with its shield extended, and in a diagonal position. Asuka cursed mentally. Her own Evangelion must have stepped on that diagonal area.

The two units now circled around each other, crushing trees, bushes and even small dirt hills beneath them. But it wasn't like Asuka to just sit and wait. On her left arm, the blue disk grew in size until it had become a decent roundshield, while tiny gears and tubes turned the naginata into an impressively long saber.

Then Asuka charged forwards again.

Unit 02 jumped, whirled around, made a saldo. Metall hit metall as the iron ball crushed against the sabre blade, getting deflected by it. Metal hit… whatever when Asuka used her shield to ward off another blow. And then the saber struck at Unit 00…

...but Mari's Evangelion wasn't there anymore. One flip backwards, another flip backwards, a third flip backwards. It was an impressive display of control. And then the iron ball came flying again…

...but by the time it reached Asuka, her weapon was a staff again. She struck the chain with it, closed her eyes, concentrated on her unit's AT Field… and then the chain twirled around the staff. Asuka opened her eyes again, grinned a predator's grin and pulled.

Both girls activated their energy whips at the same time. A lash landed right across Unit 02's face.

"Aahhhh..." It hurt. It really was like getting a whip lash.

Another lash. And another one. Asuka was getting whipped, and she felt every lash.

..."Mama! It hurts!" A six year old girl, in her first combat training… the man who was supposed to watch over her all cold and stony...

Asuka snarled and shook off the memory. He is gone! Long gone out of my life! And she would be damned if she lost here. Mari might remember their new toys better, but Asuka remembered that her Evangelion was more than just fancy equipment. She pulled Unit 00 even closer… and rammed her own Evangelion's knee into its stomach.

"Urrrgh." Mari's grunt was audible over the comms.

The chain became limp again. And suddenly there was a staccato of whip lashes on Asuka's shoulder.

"Fuck fuck fuck fuck" Asuka cursed. She didn't want to, but her Evangelion let go of Unit 00. And when she could orientate herself again, the blue machine was nowhere to be seen.

"Coward," Asuka scoffed. She looked at the ground in front of her, and saw the severed end of Unit 00's umbilical cable. "Well, her energy will soon run out."

"We have supply trucks dispersed all over the area," Misato announced cheerfully.

...seriously? Asuka had enough of that. Her face, her back, her shoulders stung, and that just because Misato had set her and Mari against each other. This wasn't even an angel. The city or the world weren't at stake. Yes, okay, maybe the new weapons did need to get tested, but why should she let herself be hurt in the process?

...it is really like back then...She had thought she had buried all her memories, become a successful EVA pilot, but… it never ends...

"Really, Misato? I want to go home," Asuka requested. "I just got the crap whipped out of me."

"We still have no data on the boomerang," the Colonel reminded her.

"So this only ends once I have another bruise?" Asuka complained.

"Asuka, this is important. These are the weapons you will use to defend against the angels," Misato argued.

Asuka scowled. No end to the training exercise then. Very well. She ripped her own umbilical cord out – this would soon be over one way or the other. Then she started her jump engines.

It was impossible to hide an 80m mechanical giant from an aerial view.

"Hab dich, Brillenschlange…"

Unit 00 was literally crawling through the woodworks, almost completely prone so that some high trees at a mountain slope would cover it. Asuka was unsure what Mari even thought to achieve with it.

It didn't matter. Unit 02's jump engines fired again, and the Evangelion darted towards said slope. With a loud thunder, its s boots touched ground again, raising dust and soil into the air.

Unit 00 was not far away, down on one knee and looking down… but then its head rose, and Asuka could have sworn its single eye lit up.

"Surpriiise!" Mari exclaimed… and threw her boomerang.

Instinctively, Asuka raised her hand… and the boomerang crashed against an octagonal field of yellow light, and then flittered away.

That was an obvious downside of the morning star. Mari had to spend so much of her AT Field's strength on controlling it that she couldn't completely nullify's Asuka's AT Field.

"That was your surprise?" Asuka taunted.

"Not quite…" Mari answered. She paused. "That is."

"What…" But Asuka didn't get to end the sentence. Something hit her back, full force. She groaned in pain… and Unit 02 fell over.

In one smooth movement, Unit 00 got up from the ground and darted forward, catching the returning boomerang on the way. Before Asuka could react, a heavy boot landed on her weapon hand.

"It's a boomerang, silly!" Mari laughed. "What did you think it would do? Well, time to end th…"

Asuka screamed.

With an even mightier roar, the Ninlil jump engines started again. Unit 02 rose form the ground and rammed against its counterpart full force. Again Asuka screamed as she felt something snap in her right arm as it was violently pulled free of the boot, but she ignored it. Soon, both Evangelions had each other in a chokehold now, but the jump engines still continued to fire. Trails several metres deep were cut into the dirt, but Unit 00 was pushed more and more against the slope… until finally, Asuka's Evangelion was on top of it.

"Now it is ended," she declared under heavy breath and raised her weapon.

Mari just laughed. "Seems like".

…and she powered down her Evangelion.

Kensuke felt nervous. It was all so silly, really. He and Asuka had hit the arcade near-daily for several weeks now. Even when they had gone to a restaurant together, it had all stayed relaxed and casual. And now his father just had to go and make this big thing out of it, having him invite Asuka over for dinner.

It wasn't like Kensuke was opposed to the whole affair. He had been worrying about Asuka for some time now, and had no idea of his own how to deal with her issues. If there was any chance his father did, well, then he would deal with this dinner. That didn't make the prospect any less awkward, though.

So now, he just sat at the made table, drummed his fingers on it, and now and then looked at his watch.

"Hm, I hope she comes in time," he heard his father mutter from the dining room's door. "The food can be warmed up again, but I think it always loses some flavour when you have to do that, don't you think, Kensuke?"

The boy smiled drily, his face still turned away from his father. The attempt to distract him was really damn blatant. "I think she'll agree to everything as long as it is plentiful and not ready made."

Kensuke's father chuckled. "Ah, the hidden advantages of youth. Enjoy your growth spurts while you can, afterwards it gets more difficult to control your weight."

Kensuke's dry grin remained. That was just such an Aida senior thing to say.

He darted up when he heard the doorbell. Now it was his father's turn to grin. Damn it. Kensuke cursed his lapse in self-control, then spurted to the door to open it.

Asuka was wearing her usual grumpy face… and a cast around the middle of her right lower arm. Before Kensuke could comment, she spoke up darkly, "Training accident. Now, what's for food?"

"Ah… yeah… right… it's all prepared," Kensuke stuttered and stepped away from the door. "Come in."

Asuka scoffed, but did so. Her mood seemed to be extraordinarily sour today.

"Welcome," Kensuke's father greeted her with a benevolent smile on his face. "My son told me of you. Nice to meet you, Asuka."

Asuka just nodded curtly, and then sat down at the table.

Kensuke and his father did as well. "A training accident?" the elder Aida inquired.

Asuka shrugged. "EVA versus EVA training." She nodded towards the food. "May I…?"

Aida senior nodded and smiled broadly at her. "Help yourself. I think we can consider that dinner started." He began placing food on his plate. Immediately, so did Asuka as well, at a rapid pace - or at least, as rapid as her bandaged arm allowed.

Only Kensuke wasn't. "You fought another EVA?" He couldn't help it; it just tickled his 'ohmygod coool' reflex. But, after all he had learned about Asuka in these past weeks… "That seems…" Making them fight each other? On the one hand, it was cool, on the other it was… troubling.

"Misato decided we needed some extra live action training," Asuka explained. "Kinda sucks, especially how it ended."

There it was again, Asuka's attitude. Yeah, she complained, but only in the way one would complain about an extra chore at home or extra homework from school, a sort of 'what can you do?'.

Kensuke's father seemed less disturbed. He simply asked, "What happened?"

"I probably shouldn't get into the specifics," Asuka said. "Confidentiality issues."

"So you get hurt because of their orders and you can't even tell why?" Kensuke exclaimed.

It wasn't that he, the military nerd, didn't understand confidentiality. And normally he would have agreed with the importance of it. But this wasn't just an abstract concern any longer. This was… well… Asuka. He felt like he had a personal connection here.

"That's how it works," Asuka merely replied and began eating.

An awkward silence followed that. Hesitantly, Kensuke turned the attention to his plate as well. He didn't have much of an appetite, though. The food was fantastic - a wide variety of meat, vegetables, rice… But Kensuke was a picky eater at the best of times, and now, well… there was other stuff on his mind.

Finally, even Asuka couldn't seem to stand the silence any longer. "It was a weapons test," she grumbled. "Can't say what, but…"

She told them about her day. Kensuke had entirely stopped eating, and the grip around his chopsticks got a bit tighter. After Asuka had ended, the awkward silence returned.

It was Kensuke who finally blurted out, "Why didn't you just stop?"

"What?" Asuka countered.

"After Makinami had run away," Kensuke explained his position. "You wanted to stop. I… I don't think they should then make you continue."

After all, piloting mecha was awesome! Or so Kensuke had always thought. Mecha pilots were supposed to be eager heroes full of drive and determination, who struck out on their own and fought for what they believed in. Mecha pilots were supposed to do this out of their ow will and determination - and most importantly, nobody was supposed to tell them what to do.

Asuka looked at him oddly. "The training wasn't over yet. There wasn't enough data on the weapons yet."

"And they wanted you to get beaten up to get that data," Kensuke replied through clenched teeth. "I think that would've given you a right to just end it. For… for… self-protection!"

Now Asuka furrowed her brows and looked down at her plate.

Kensuke's father smiled. It always looked a bit goofy, Kensuke found, but then again, Aida senior usually did mean well. "I think Asuka is used to thinking in different terms, aren't you, Asuka?"

Asuka rested her head on one hand and picked at the food with the other. "I mean… yeah. You can't just end a training in the middle of it just because you want to go home. I mean, I'm sure the others want as well, but there's a job to be done."

Kensuke breathed in to comment, but a short signal from his father, just an ever so slightly raised hand, made him stop. He furrowed his brows instead.

"A job, indeed," Aida senior answered kindly. "You've been in that business for a while, haven't you?"

Asuka just shrugged, but then answered. "Since I've been four."

Kensuke's father chuckled. "Sorry. I'm just imagining a little redheaded girl, inside such a big robot." Asuka just shrugged again. "Ah, again, sorry. An old man's thoughts sometimes go to strange places. You have to admit, it is a bit unusual."

"It is special," Asuka responded, and it sounded defiant, almost hostile. "Except for two months, there have only ever been three EVA pilots in total. And I am one of them."

"Ah, that's true," Kensuke's father admitted. "You do very important work, and that at your age. Being selected as a pilot must have been quite exciting for young you." Asuka… flinched. She didn't say anything, but just sat there, a brooding expression on her face. "I bet you were all fire and spirit," Aida senior continued jovially. "Or were you a little bit nervous, maybe?" He winked at her.

"I wasn't…" Asuka protested, but then cut herself off and returned to brooding.

Kensuke's father raised his hands. "Ah sorry, I shouldn't have implied anything. So, fire and spirit then?"

Asuka frowned. "Once I hadn't gotten used to it all. I didn't realize immediately how special this all made me. At first…" She stopped, even biting herself on the lip.

"I mean…" Kensuke now spoke up slowly. "It was kinda difficult for me when I first entered school. And that was just school, and I was six." He glanced sideways to Asuka.

"Isn't anything new difficult for children?" Asuka answered, almost in a muttering tone.

"Well, I didn't get a broken or sprained arm in all my time at school," Kensuke pointed out.

"That happens," Asuka grumbled. "It sucks, but…"

"Not to most kids it doesn't," Kensuke's father stated quietly.

Silence followed. Finally, Kensuke felt like he had to say something. "I… When I first heard the UN might have actual, real mecha I got so excited. Even more so when I found out some where stationed here, in Tokyo-3. I could maybe see mecha! Or even meet mecha pilots! I… I could…" He shook his head. "That's what I always dreamed of. Being a mecha pilot. I always imagined it as so grand and magnificent… the conductor of a near-invincible multi-thousand ton war machine, the strongest on Earth. I would be able to show my determination, to have a purpose, to do my part…"

"Yeah, that's what they've always told me," Asuka said in a hollow voice. "From the start."

"I don't really believe that anymore," Kensuke stated. "And… neither do you?"

Asuka shook her head. "It was… it was…"

"What was it like?" Kensuke now almost pleaded.

"You wanna know?" Asuka shot back. "My first tests inside the Evangelion itself? They had to calibrate the synchtest, after all. To know what readings meant a higher synch-rate. How do you think they could figure that out?"

Asuka's right hand gripped the back of chair hard, and for a moment, Kensuke thought she would stand up and run out. But then she breathed out and began to talk, in a low, almost hollow voice. How it had sounded exciting to her at first as well, but how that excitement had soon faded after weeks had turned to months had turned to years of just training. Now, it had just become normalcy for her. How she had been a four year old girl, surrounded by people and machines and concepts she didn't understand. And, how at age 6, they had started combat training.

They had to be ready, after all. They knew the angels were coming.

She had refused to go on at first. It had hurt, after all. They couldn't risk her developing the wrong instincts for a battle, so they had left the pain feedback intact, if dialed down. But that had only let to her being grounded, and nobody speaking with her. As Asuka saw it now, that was just necessary discipline for a child - children often don't do what they're supposed to do, after all.

So, really, how else to make sure a literally irreplaceable child pilot would do what was necessary?

"My first guardian, he..." Her voice became very low. "He made sure I went through with everything."

She told about the constantly changing guardians and instructors. She had a new guardian every year, sometimes every half year. Again, that made sense, as far as Asuka was concerned: Given the angel threat to the world, they had to prioritize getting her ready for combat. The most important thing was that she could pilot and fight; other issues, like attachment and feelings just weren't as important, what with the world at stake.

So they used whatever means necessary to achieve that goal. Asuka got very sparse with words at this part, but apparently some instructors were worse than others. Some would only shook their head in disappointment; others would shout at an elementary school girl.

Some events Asuka told basically by the by, like the time they tested new plugsuit features. They had to make sure the emergency defibrillators would work, so they induced a cardiac arrest in the young girl. Asuka now just passed over that quickly. Or the one time they tested her pain tolerance. Just a necessary medical test…

Kensuke just sat there, the food on his plate getting cold, and listened intensely. Repeatedly, his hands formed into fists, but he didn't comment.

There was only one time where Asuka showed any reaction, when she told of a special synchtest just over a year ago. She had been thoroughly cleaned at the NERV facility… and then was told that she had to do the test stark naked. All protests of her had been swept aside, it had just been expected that she do that, no matter her own feelings: There had been no talk of this before, no apology about how it could make her uncomfortable, just an order. And while Asuka didn't say much, it was quite clear she had been embarrassed, probably humiliated.

At first, Kensuke had gone slightly red hearing the story, but then his uneasiness about the tale had won the upper hand: How the people at NERV apparently didn't even care about how she felt, about her sensibilities. And Misato had already been her guardian at that time, for a while.

The people at NERV had also always told Asuka that this all made her special, and the girl had believed them. Whatever they were doing to her, it had a purpose, and that purpose elevated her. She had looked forward to the day when she would finally get to fight the angels - when all that hard training would pay off. She was special, and the world would see it. Of course, what had actually happened was that she had been treated like just another schoolgirl in Japan, and fighting the angels? Well, that was taken for granted, no special remark about it necessary.

Kensuke's food had gone cold on his plate, and so had Asuka's. She took a bite from her chopsticks, and then furrowed her brows. "Well, shit. Seems like I missed this chance for food."

Again, Kensuke's father smiled at her. "It's easy to rewarm food, and we have large doggy bags, don't we, Kensuke?" Unsure what else to do, Kensuke just nodded awkwardly. "Just make sure Colonel Katsuragi doesn't steal this from you." He winked at Asuka.

"That would be just like her," Asuka muttered.

Kensuke's father chuckled. "Remind her that she doesn't exactly have an abundance of pilots."

Asuka scoffed, half-amused. "I guess I could do that."

"Then let's pack up," Aida senior suggested. Everybody stood up. "Oh, and Asuka - if there is more to tell…" He searched for something in his pocket and then got a business card from there. "Just call me at any time."

Asuka held the card with both hands and looked at it, muttering what was written there: "Vice Director… Business Section… Asahi Shimbun Media Group…"

NERV headquarters was a place full of uncomfortable, sometimes even painful memories for Shinji. The spacious architecture or the light-filled halls presented a pleasant image, but that was just an illusion, smoke and mirrors, a camouflage. It hid the facility's true purpose, which had nothing pleasant at all about it.

And yet…

The facility had lost much of its sting. Somewhen during the last weeks, coming here had become not so terrible anymore. Shinji simply felt freer now. He went to the synch-tests, but that didn't mean he would have to face angels upon their arrival. And without this sword of Damocles constantly hanging over his head, the routine had become comfortably familiar, even friendly. It was somewhat like a school club. Sure, lying in LCL for an hour doing nothing was still boring. They still demanded his time and took him giving it for granted. But it wasn't so bad going somewhere together with Asuka, it wasn't so terrible to meet Mari, even though she kept acting oddly during synchtests, and it definitely wasn't horrible at all to meet Rei.

The way Shinji began feeling about her, everywhere was a good place with the blue-haired girl around.

The synchtest had just ended, and they all were leaving their entry-plugs, climbing down ladders to the gangways spanning over the coolant liquid in the EVA cages. There was a sharp aroma in the air, but Shinji hardly noticed that anymore. Instead his eyes were fixated on the ladder next to his: Rei's lithe figure climbing down, its curves basically not covered at all by the tight plugsuit.

She wasn't the most expressive person. Even now, she hardly smiled. But just seeing the ends of her lips tugging upwards made Shinji glad. It reminded him of the aftermath of the Ramiel fight, her smile, small but radiant. And moments like now, when they both hit the gangway and her face every so slightly brightened up in reaction to seeing him… it made him feel all fluttery.

Not that it meant anything, mind. Shinji was just glad to be around Rei whenever he could; he would absolutely not want to ruin this wonderful, brilliant bond by pushing for more. It was bad enough how he thought about Rei's body at times. She was a wonderful person, and not an object for half-formed desires in his mind. She was his harbour of calm and safety, and he worried that already could mean he was using her too much.

But still, it was wonderful to be around her.

Neither of them said much, really. They didn't need to. Both were content with harmonious silence next to each other. And it wasn't like they were entirely silent. Shinji asked her about her school day, and Rei asked him if the test had been okay. He blinked when he heard this. She is still concerned about me. Realizing that, it felt like something in his chest was about to burst.

The huge hall that formed the EVA cages was completely silent besides the sound of steps on metal… and Asuka's annoyed grunts as Mari was holding her up with something or other. The bespectacled girl was always slightly unhinged during and after synchtests, and Shinji was glad that right now he wasn't the target of her eccentric behaviour. He liked Mari, he just… liked walking in peace next to Rei more. And this ensured that both Mari and Asuka were occupied.

Shinji and Rei walked together to the lockerrooms and parted ways there. Shinji's thoughts lingered only for the barest moment on Rei in the girls' room. He sighed. It wasn't like it wasn't a beautiful thought. Rei had grace and serenity and a calm beauty, elegant curves and pristine, fair skin. It was just… inappropriate

It didn't matter. He was used to pushing such thoughts out of his mind. As he first undressed and then put on his normal clothes, he just hoped he could spend some more time with Rei. He still felt good.

...and then he left the locker room and saw Misato outside waiting for him. Her arms were crossed, her right hand cupping her left elbow.

"The Commander wants to see you, Shinji."

And just like that, Shinji's happy little bubble burst. Suddenly, NERV headquarters with its multitude of corridors and rooms was just as he initially remembered it: Oppressive, forbidding, ominous. My father…

On some level, Shinji knew this was an overreaction. Most likely, his father just wanted a status report or something of the sort. But as he trotted alongside Misato, all stiff and tense, he felt a deep anxiety growing inside him. He didn't even pay attention to where he was going; meeting his father loomed too large in his mind. He always had wanted his attention, but whenever he had gotten it, something bad had happened. It made Shinji feel like he was four again: A child who doesn't know what he wants, and who is just powerless, so utterly powerless.

The Commander's office fit to that feeling. A giant, barely lit room with arcane symbols on the ceiling, and a desk that seemed a mile away from the entrance. Shinji felt like he didn't belong here. For a moment he just wanted to turn away and run, but he felt Misato's hand on his shoulder. The whole situation still appeared overwhelming to him, though.

His father sat behind the desk, his arms resting on it and his hands crossed in front of his face. Shinji looked away.

Next to the Commander stood Vice Commander Fuyutsuki. It was he who spoke. "I'm glad you could come so quickly, Shinji." He nodded curtly in greeting towards Misato. "Colonel Katsuragi. The Commander and I have decided on certain changes in the NERV command structure and Operations division you need to be aware of."

Shinj, still not really looking in front of him, furrowed his brows. Since when was he informed of anything going on here? Usually, any times he got news, it was bad news. Nearly always, any change was a change for the worse. His anxiety grew.

"The Operations Division has run very smoothly during the last few battles, in no small part due to your personal efforts, Colonel Katsuragi," the Vice Commander continued. "Therefore, the Commander and I do not see the necessity for fallback options anymore. We have thus decided to streamline our structures."

Shinji didn't understand. Neither did Misato, or so it seemed. There was a silence.

"Starting next month, the position of 'reserve pilot' will be abolished," Fuyustuki explained.

What? Shinji couldn't even process what that meant.

"But, Vice Commander..." Misato began to protest.

Speaking calmly over her protests, Fuyutsuki continued, "Either the Fourth Child becomes a regular pilot again, to be deployed regularly in battles as Command sees fit..." He hesitated slightly.

"...or he will have to leave Tokyo-3," Gendo finished the sentence from behind his stapled fingers, his voice low and dark.

What? Shinji took a step back and raised an arm, as if somebody were to strike him. And it did feel that way. But… what about Touji? Asuka? Mari? What about Rei?

"Is that really necessary?" Misato asked, almost pleaded.

"There will be no further special treatment for Shinji," the Commander explained. "If we can't deploy him in battle, he is of no use to us. In which case, he has no business being in this city."

"I could..." Misato began, but was cut off again.

"Colonel!" Fuyutsuki cut in. "You are aware of the special authority NERV has over Tokyo-3. This is Shinji's decision to make. Either he will be a regular pilot again, without special treatment… or he will have to leave the city."

Why… Shinji couldn't voice this, but that thought ran in his head. Why this? Why now? He didn't want to leave, didn't want to be all alone again, but…

I'll lose Rei. I'll either have to face the angels again, or I'll lose Rei.