In Texas we see Rachel Mckenzie, Nigel Uno, Wally Beatles, Fanny Fullbright, Hoagie Gilligan, Kuki Sanban, Lara Limpin AKA The Big Badolescent and Abby Lincoln sweating as they looked through files of new agents to recruit.
"Ughhhhhhhhh did it have to be Texas? I mean it's like the seventh circle from hell here and I don't know about anyone else but I'm sweating bullets here" Fanny whined shaking her wet hair out all over Wally who couldn't keep his eyes off Kuki's tattoo on the crook of her back her name in flames.
"Fanny one more complaint from you and I swear I'm going to decommission you all the way to the stone age this isn't any more fun for the rest of us" Rachel said her hair frizzy from the humidity.
"We could have flown a jet here Rachel I mean we aren't on a budget here we have a billion dollars to all our names and we work for the government. Are you telling me that the government can't afford to miss one jet?"
"Jesus Fanny shut the hell up we have been listening to you moan since we got here. It's hot we get it but what were you expecting Texas to be like Antarctica?" Nigel growled chugging Pepsi from a bottle.
"Easy for you to say you're not wearing a green sweater with sweat dripping down it making your body sticky. I mean my clothes are literally sticking to me and why did we bring pint sized or not so pint sized along?"
Lara waved at passing people as Rachel shot Fanny an evil look and she gulped knowing she was two seconds from all out Mckenzie rage which was much worse than Fanny rage any day of the week.
"One Kuki's babysitting, two she wants to change sides which I have no problem with, and three she's shadowing us to see how an agent acts so I suggest you shut your yap and just LTD already".
The other agents nodded LTD being Kuki's abbreviation of learn to deal and Rachel rarely used it unless you made her angry.
"Fine so where is this Connie Soup whatever her last name is and when can we tell her she's accepted into the KND for being smart, a band player, and a valedictorian graduating early?" Fanny asked as they passed a propane business Hank Hill checking the gauges his son Bobby leaning against a grill.
"It's Souphanousinphone and maybe the guy and his son over there know her or wait that's Bobby Hill yep he can definitely help us while we talk business his dad is also part of Sector F which he excelled in" Kuki said looking over Bobby, Hank, and Connie's file.
The agents walked over to Hank and Bobby as Hank read each gauge smiling and nodding Buck Strickland coming out to leave telling Hank to lock up the tanks when he was done.
"Hello Mr. Bobby Hill I'm Wally Beatles and these are more KND agents and we were wondering if maybe you could point us in the direction of Connie your on again off again girlfriend so we can recruit the both of you. Also do you know a Joseph Dribble?" Wally asked taking charge.
"Sure I know Joseph he's my best friend and Connie may not be dating me now but give it time she'll take me back I just need to be patient" Bobby said a boy skating up to him in jet black hair, skater boy clothes, tan skin, and green eyes which Rachel was a total sucker for.
"Hey Bob's catch any apples lately? Get it bobbing for apples like his name?" The boy asked as Bobby laughed out loud not caring that the boy made fun of his name.
"Uhh KND I guess I should call you right? Well this is John Ward and I think one of those folders has his name on it too".
"Sup peeps so what kind of hushity hush organization lands in the middle of hell anyways? I mean you were warned this is the seventh circle from hell right?" John asked as Fanny grumbled tell me about it angrily swiping her sweatshirt across her forehead.
"We're here for Connie Souphanousinphone, Joseph Dribble, Bobby Hill, and lucky us John Ward who by the looks also has a blue tongue in his agent picture" Nigel said jealousy in his eyes seeing Rachel swoon at the sight of John.
"Yea awesome sauce huh? I devour blue airheads, blue blowpops, blue jellybeans, basically any candy or gummy thing that's blue".
"Goody for us now Bobby please point us in the direction of Connie and Joseph's houses so we can high tail it out of here I need a hot bath, tunes, horror movies, and to meet my mom's new boyfriend who apparently is spending the night tonight" Fanny said panting like a dog fanning herself.
Bobby walked the agents to a house where Joseph Arthur's Honey And The Moon blared from Connie's window and she hummed along singing to it.
Don't know why I'm still afraid
If you weren't real I would make you up now
I wish that I could follow through
I know that your love is true and deep as the sea
But right now everything you want is wrong
And right now all your dreams are waking up
And right now I wish I could follow you
To the shores of freedom where no one lives
Remember when we first met
And everything was still a bet
In Love's game
You would call I'd call you back
And then I'd leave
A message
On your answering machine
But right now everything is turning blue
And right now the sun is trying to kill the moon
And right now I wish I could follow you
To the shores of freedom
Where no one lives
Freedom
Run away tonight
Freedom
Freedom
Run away
Run away tonight
We're made out of blood and rust
Looking for someone to trust
Without a fight
I think that you came too soon
You're the honey and the moon
That lights
Up my night
But right now everything you want is wrong
And right now all your dreams are waking up
And right now I wish I could follow you
To the shores of freedom
Where no one lives
Freedom
Run away tonight
Freedom
Freedom
Run away
Run away tonight
We got too much time to kill
Like pigeons on my windowsill
We hang around
Ever since I've been with you
You hold me up
All the time I'm falling down
But right now everything is turning blue
And right now the sun is trying to kill the moon
And right now I wish I could follow you
To the shores of freedom
Where no one lives
Freedom
Run away tonight
Freedom
Freedom
Run away
Run away tonight" Connie sang as Bobby secretly knew he was her moon and she was his sun.
"Great we're here now let's grab Connie Whatever, get a cool drink, and Rachel call in the jet now I'm steaming and not the angry way either you can scramble an egg on me".
"Fine we'll put it to a vote who here wants to take a jet back and risk being found out and suddenly become Trump's best friend?" Rachel asked as Fanny's hand shot up pit stains under her sweater.
"Great and who would rather take a jeep back home looking like a bunch of normal teens just taking a road trip back to California?"
Everyone's hands shot up not wanting to anger Rachel even Bobby and John who didn't even know her raised their hands.
"Well the I's have it Fan looks like it's the jeep now let's hurry along we have a new recruit party to plan, new recruits to admit into the KND, new rooms for the recruits to decorate, and last but not least getting all of them food, drink, and stuffed animal accounts".
Fanny pounded on the door as Minh Souphanousinphone answered it and Kahn Souphanousinphone Connie's dad stood next to her both of them looking angry that a sweaty girl pounded on their door.
"God evening Mr. and Mrs. Souphanousinphone I'm Rachel and these are my friends we're here for your daughter she signed up to be a KND agent and well long story short she was accepted as was Bobby Hill, John Ward, and Joseph Dribble. Now is she packed because we run a tight ship".
"Kahn JR. what are they talking about KND you never tell me KND get down here Kahn JR. and explain to us what KND is" Kahn yelled as Connie raced downstairs a letter clutched in her hand.
"You said once I graduated I got to choose my own life and I chose the KND their like a government organization and they give recruits numbers and we go on missions real James Bond type stuff" Connie said excitedly throwing her suitcases to Fanny.
"Here Drippy take care of those while I say goodbye to my parents and then we can be off to find Joseph and become cool agents. Isn't this the best Bobby?"
Bobby was still stuck in the song Connie sang the both of them on a deserted island French kissing Connie in a revealing bikini and Bobby skinnier and buffed this being his daydream.
"Bobby? Bobby? Bobby? Uhh Earth to Bobby space cadet are you still with us? Bobby come in Bobby this is Earth paging Bobby Hill".
Bobby shook his head and he was back in reality Connie eye to eye with him a cute smile stretched across her face.
"Hey Party People Dees in the hizouse and I heard KND so I came running because I may be the oldest agent but I want all of you to meet Boomhauer he's my boyfriend and I don't know his last name" A woman in green eyes said as all the KND sighed knowing this girl and her love life.
"Not another one Dee give it up and let some other girl date would ya? I mean I'm Asian or maybe Chinese or Korean either way I have crossed eyes and these baby blues would love a boyfriend too" Kuki said swigging a Mountain Dew as Fanny snagged one downing it in a second flat.
"This one's sticking Kuki he's soooooooo cool and only I can understand him I'm like his translator and he just stands there letting me do it".
"Good for him now let's high tail it out of here I'm as boiling as green sweater over there and look here comes Joseph the last of the training agents" John said as all the kids followed him outside John being the cool special needs kid everybody wanted to hang with.
Everybody walked outside Joseph looking at the crew heading for him and one girl particular stood out to him because he was her biggest fan.
"OMG KUKI SANBAN YOU ARE THE GREATEST POP PRINCESS EVER AND YOUR CLOTHES DESIGNS ARE THE BEST!" Joseph squealed excitedly as Kuki blushed being in the presence of her biggest fan.
"Well thanks Joseph and I'll be sure you get tickets to my next concert Taylor Swift is opening for me and you just may get backstage passes buddy boy".
"Joseph Dribble welcome to the KND you're a training agent for now but soon and with some effort and hard work on your part-you'll-become-ag-ents-uhh ok Nigel when did you become so popular" Rachel asked Nigel's Facebook Messenger buzzing like crazy.
Nigel quickly ended a call and Fanny rushed everyone into the jeep in a rush to leave the seventh circle of hell and get the air conditioning going.
"Agents and training agents alike I want you to take a jet back with Fanny Nigel, Abby, and I have some things to discuss".
Nigel gulped as Rachel pried his phone away from him and Fanny raced to a jet glad they had air travel instead of four wheels.
"Alright their gone Nigel so do you care to explain who Emma, Xavier, Jess, Jamie, Niki, Anita, Nicole, Max, Tater which is a weird name, Cindy, Rose, Rebecca, Barb, and Abby are? I mean I know who Abby is but the others who are they and what did I do for you to tell Abby you love her more than me?"
"Nothing you did nothing Rachel and maybe that's why I want love from other girls you cocktease. I mean you dress the way you dress and not expect guys to come on to you. I mean you have an impenetrable forcefield over you vagina and my dick just can't get through" Nigel said as Rachel looked surprised and so did Abby.
"Nigel did you have sex with these women? I mean the look Abby's giving you obviously means you never took her but the others did you sleep with them?"
Nigel hesitated then nodded as Rachel's chin quivered and she punched Nigel as he fell in the dust expecting Abby to save him but she kicked dust in his eyes and ran to Rachel the song The River by Eminem Feat Ed Sheeran being hummed by Rachel.
"I've been a liar been a thief
Been a lover been a cheat
All my sins need holy water
Feel it washing over me
Well little one
I don't want to admit to something
If all its gonna cause is pain
The truth and my lies now
Are falling like the rain
So let the river run".
"Rachel we've been here before and I know you'll take me back you always do and I'll be there with open arms just like I always am".
"Rachel I'm so sorry girl he told me you were through with him and I know it may not mean much but I hate him just as much as you do" Abby said throwing print outs of texts to Rachel between Nigel and Abby each one sexier than the last.
"He's coming home with his neck scratched
To catch flack
Sweat jackets and dress slacks mismatched
On his breast jackets a sex addict
And he just wants to exact revenge
And get back
It's a chess match
She's on his back like a jet pack
She's kept track of all his internet chats
And guess who just happens who just happens
To be moving on to the next
Actually just shit on my last chick and she has what my ex lacks
Cause she loves danger psychopath
And you don't fuck with no man's girl even I know that
But she devised some plan to stab him in the back
Knife in hand says their relationship's hanging by a strand
So she's been on the web lately
Says maybe she'll be my Gwen Stacy to spite her man
And I know she's using me to try to play him I don't care
Hi Suzanne but I shoulda said by Suzanne
After the first night but tonight I am".
"Rachel stop humming and singing that dopey song and talk to me. I mean what if I gave you an out meaning you can cheat on me with any guy you like. Would you like that?"
"Numbuh 5 thinks she's through with your broken hearted game Nigel and if you're not careful I may leave you too".
"I've been a liar been a thief
Been a lover been a cheat
All my sins need holy water
Feel it washing over me
Well little one
I don't want to admit to something
If all its gonna cause is pain
The truth and my lies now
Are falling like the rain so let the river run"
John who never got on the jet ran up to Nigel, Rachel, and Abby who was starting to feel worse and worse for falling in love with a sex addict like Nigel.
"I was pregnant too Nigel paid for me to abort it because Mr. Sex Addict and king of KN fucking D can't play the family man just yet. So that cocktease comment isn't true now is it?" Rachel bawled tears streaming down her face.
"Do you know what it's like to kill a living thing inside you Nigel do you? It's the most painful thing ever and you could care less just as long as my baby never saw the light of day".
"A one night stand turned a two night stand
It was come sunlight scram now we hug tight and…
He found out now she feels deserted and used
Cause he left so what he did it first to her too?
Now how am I supposed to tell this girl we're through?
It's hard to find the words I'm aloof, nervous, and Sue
Don't want this to hurt but what you deserve is the truth
Don't take it personal I just can't say this in person to you
So I revert to the studio like hole in the wall diners
Don't have to be reserved in a booth
I just feel like the person I'm turning into's
Irreversible I preyed on you like it's church at the pew
And now that I got you I don't want you
Took advantage in my thirst to pursue
Why do I do this dirt that I do?
Get on my soapbox and preach my sermon and speech
Detergent and bleach is burnin in the wound
Cause now with her in the womb
We can't bring her into this world shoulda knew
To use protection before I bit into her forbidden fruit
Fuck!"
"Rachel I never held a gun to your head at the clinic you went because I said I wasn't going to take care of it. I mean hell how do we even know the baby was mine?
Rachel stared hard into Nigel's eyes and marched up to him flailing slapping, biting, and scratching him everywhere Abby and John allowing her to do it.
"You- fucking- asshole- I'm- not- you- I- would- never- treat- you- like- you- treat- me. I- mean- what- am- I- last- years- model?"
Nigel was a bloody mess on the ground once Rachel was through and Abby picked him up still caring for Nigel but seeing him in a different light also.
"I never asked to get an abortion Nigel it takes two to make a kid and now little Susie's buried because her daddy's too much of a big man on campus to play daddy"
Rachel spit on Nigel after she said this and River blared again Rachel singing along to it.
"I've been a liar been a thief
Been a lover been a cheat
All my sins need holy water
Feel it washing over me
Well little one
I don't want to admit to something
If all its gonna cause is pain
The truth and my lies now are falling like the rain
So let the river run".
My name's (Ooh) My Names (Ooh)
River (Ooh) river run
Call me (Ooh) Call me (Ooh)
River (Ooh) We'll let the river run
"Nigel you left stuff out when we got together like the dozens of other girls you fucked, Rachel's unborn baby, the abuse mental and physical you gave to Rachel, and the secret messages to that dozen" Abby said as Nigel wiped his mouth off and glared at Rachel.
"You act innocent you whore. Do you mean to tell me that you never once had a midnight rendezvous with another guy?" Nigel asked as Rachel shook her head no confirming she never cheated on Nigel.
"That's what she says but how do we know she's telling the truth? I mean she's the most beautiful girl ever and now I lost her".
John heard enough as he tackled Nigel an act Rachel or Nigel wasn't expecting and she saw this as a true testament to his love for her.
Always a bridesmaid
Never the bride hey
Fuck can I say If life was a highway
And deceit was an enclave I'd be swerving in five lanes
Speeds at a high rate like I'm slidin on ice maybe
That's why I may have come at you sideways
I can't keep my lies straight
But I made you terminate my baby
This love triangle left us in a wreck tangled
What else can I say?
It was fun for awhile
Bet I really would've loved your smile
Didn't really wanna abort but fuck it
What's one more lie to tell our unborn child?"
"Doesn't feel too good to feel this low does it Mr. Man? Now you can tell all your friends you got beat by a girl and a boy that's half your age and half your height" John said pinning Nigel to the ground.
"John I do love what you did for me but let him up and I wouldn't mind a talkative shoulder for the ride in a jeep back to Cali" Rachel said as John jumped in the front seat the song The River finally making sense to Nigel.
I've been a liar been a thief
Been a lover been a cheat
All my sins need holy water
Feel it washing over me
Well little one (I'm sorry)
I don't want to admit to something (I fucked up)
If all its gonna cause is pain
The truth and my lies now are falling like the rain
So let the river run" Nigel whispered to himself finishing the song.
Rachel sped off leaving Nigel in the dust as another jet landed and Abby pulled a disappointed and sad Nigel to it.
In Fanny's jet we see Deidra and Jeff Boomhauer's first name sitting next to each other Boomhauer blocking all his girls from calling him except one and he knew eventually Deidra would meet this woman and it was going to be an all-out cat fight when they did".
"Rachel better not take the creep back Kooks I won't let her. I mean hell he cheated, he gave her a baby, he makes her abort it, and then she becomes the bad person? Now you tell me how that works" Fanny said letting the air conditioner blast on her.
"I don't know Fan but the world in my mind is topsy turvy if Nigel and Rachel break up. I mean they defined love who's going to do that now?" Kuki asked Joseph not being able to keep his eyes off her.
"Looks like Wally has competition in the staring department Kooks and let me just say take Beatles his accent drives me gaga as I know it does you too".
Kuki giggled gently nudging Joseph and sitting next to Wally who was chugging soda after soda his personal stash.
"So Wally do you uhh maybe like to uhh come to my house tonight for a Stranger Things viewing party? I have a giant screen like the movies have and we can eat junk till we burst".
"Sure I'll come I've never seen Stranger Things but I heard great things about it. So what shall I bring for our date tonight?" Wally asked as Kuki blushed and their hands touched.
"Just yourself and don't worry I'll leave the fan base at home and we can snuggle all night. I mean we snuggled during the A Nightmare On Elm Street marathon and you loved it then".
Wally smiled as Kuki smiled back and both Abby's jet and Fanny's jet was landing Fanny knowing very well that John and Rachel were going to carve their names in KND history as star crossed lovers.
Well that's it for now I have so many pages just for one chapter lol . I would also like to thank my biggest fan Deidra for all her ideas for this ff that I'm still figuring out how to put in different chapters lol so to let everyone know this is a collab me and my friend Deidra. I don't own Honey And The Moon Joseph Arthur does and I don't own The River Eminem and Ed Sheeran do. Rock on fanshippers.