This was inspired by an anonymous prompt request on tumblr, who asked for a crack soulmate AU. It didn't end up how I expected, but hope you enjoy, anon!

F is for …

Everyone knew about the soulmate bond. Everyone knew because you couldn't escape it. Every single person in the world had the first words they'd hear from their fated love's lips imprinted on their body (even if, in the case for those who were deaf, they didn't hear it at all). For some, this could be as innocuous as a "Good morning" on the wrist; for others, a dramatic "Not my cabbages!" on the leg. Katara was especially unlucky. She had hers smack dam in the middle of her forehead, and it posed a question which people had been asking for a hundred years:

Where is the Avatar?

Yep, that was her. Avatar Girl. Granted, there had been a time when she'd taken hope from her soulmark (she liked to think it meant the Avatar would return). It had also caused quite the reaction in the airbender she and Sokka had found trapped in that iceberg. (His first words to her had been something like, "Wow, look at that soulmark on your head. I'mtotallynottheAvatar. So, uh, do you want to go penguin sledding with me?")

But that was all beside the point, because some Fire Nation creep had just attacked her village and asked that fated question, and now her soulmark was glowing.

Her soulmark was glowing.

"Not you!" she exclaimed in loathing.

Bam! Jerk Face's head lit up like a bunch of fireflies under his helmet. He and Katara stared at each other in mutual horror. So did everyone else.

"Holy fireflakes," one of the Fire Nation soldiers muttered. "That girl is Prince Zuko's soulmate."

"Prince?" the tribe echoed as if his title were the foulest of curse words.

Meanwhile, Katara and Prince Creep were still transfixed, both just standing there frozen and like their souls had vacated their bodies. This was so not happening. This was so, so not happening.

"Sneak Attack!" Sokka yelled.

Someone really needed to tell her brother that yelling "sneak attack" defeated the purpose of a sneak attack. Prince Creep's revulsion, however, seemed to be just as intense and immobilising as hers, for he didn't register the incoming blow until it was too late. His helmet went clang and toppled off him. Now those dooming words on his forehead were revealed in all their glowing vibrancy.

Not you!

Katara wanted to cover her eyes. She wanted to wish those horrible words on both their foreheads away. Instead, all she could do was watch as Prince Creep swiftly dealt with her brother and then turned back to face her. His nose scrunched a little. She scrunched her nose right back at him.

"Uh, Prince Zuko," the same soldier from before said. "What should we do? I mean, uh … should we take the girl?"

"I don't want the girl! I want the Avatar!"

One of the older ladies snorted. "Kid just admitted he gets his jollies from wrinkly old men."

Colour exploded on Prince Creep's face. "That is not what I said!"

The tribe only laughed more. Even Katara smothered a giggle.

"Shut up!" he commanded.

The laughter got louder.

Smoke coiled from his nostrils and fire sparked from his hands. "I said shut up!"

This time, everyone did go quiet. The spits of fire were a reminder that this was an invasion of sorts and the Jerk Prince with his glowing forehead had actually come here as an enemy. Though he did look ridiculous with his pouty scowl and the huge Not You! glowing away.

Soldier Guy cleared his throat. "So, uh, that was a no to the girl, right?"

"Obviously!"

"But she's your soulmate!"

Prince Creep and Katara pulled identical faces of disgust. "Yeah, there's no way we're ever going to fall in love," they said in unison.

And promptly looked even more revolted that they'd managed to be in sync.

Gran Gran rubbed her chin. "But you are soulmates. Anyone can see that."

"Gran Gran!" Katara exclaimed, looking betrayed.

"I'm just saying that you can't deny the magic."

"Just watch me!" Katara raised her chin. "I'd rather be alone forever and have these stupid words glow on my head every day than put up with that guy!"

"That makes two of us!" he said heatedly. Then frowned. "Except I mean I wouldn't want to put up with you. Because I'm me, so that makes me 'that guy', and uh …"

Everyone blinked at him.

"You know what I mean," he finished lamely.

Gran Gran gave him the raised eyebrow of sassy old lady judgement. Even the little kids stared at him like he'd grown a second head. Katara's expression was the judgiest of all. It seemed she was not only soulmated to the prince of her enemies; she was soulmated to an idiot.

Prince Creep folded his arms across his admittedly broad chest. "Ugh, enough of this soulmate rubbish! I came here to find the Avatar, and I know you're hiding him, so—"

"Uh, Prince Zuko?"

"—I don't want to hear any more about soulmates or this girl or—"

"Prince Zuko, you might not want to—"

There was a sizzling crack and then Katara suddenly found herself being yanked towards Prince Creep as if tugged by an invisible thread. Her right hand slapped against his left.

And remained stuck.

"Oh dear," Gran Gran and the soldier said. "It happened."

Katara pulled and pulled and pulled, but her hand wouldn't unstick from his. Prince Creep cursed and tried to pry their hands apart with his other hand. This also didn't work.

"What's going on?" Katara demanded. "Why won't our hands come loose?"

"Soulmate bonds. Deny it enough and it'll just force you together. You're going to be stuck like that until you fall in love, I guess. Or kill each other."

Katara and Prince Creep exchanged another look of mutual horror. Their lips moved in unison to shape words:

"I am so fu—"

"Fated!" a portly old man said with glee, descending down the ramp of the ship. "This is clearly a fated day!"

Nope. It was definitely the other F word.