It's past 3am and I can't sleep because this ridiculous thing demanded to be written. This one is dedicated to all the people who have ever wondered how Zuko the Awkward became Zuko the Smooth Operator Sex God.

Also, I'm leaving this rated T for now, but will bump it up to M if people think it needs to be that way.

Prince of Panty Dropping

"You saved me," Katara said, looking up at him with wide-eyes, her face mere inches from his.

Zuko's pulse quickened. He was rather conscious of all the waterbender in his space. Much as they were enemies (he guessed? He was supposed to be Lee the tea server now and it had been a while since he'd done the whole "RAWR! MUST CAPTURE AVATAR!" thing), but he digressed. The point was that he was still a teenage boy, she was very much a teenage girl, and right now he could feel all the softness of her body pressed against him. This was good (but also really, really not good).

The prince released her as if burned and rubbed the base of his neck. "Oh, uh, it was nothing. I mean, it was just instinct. I would have done that for anyone if I'd seen them in trouble. Old man, little kid, homeless rabaroo. Really, it was nothing. So, uh, just forget you ever saw me and—"

"Zuko, what are you doing?" Katara pouted. "You're going off script."

He blinked. "Excuse me?"

"You weren't supposed to let me go yet. And what's with that awkward reply? You're supposed to say something flirty." She placed her finger to her chin. "Though I guess mean also works."

Now it was his eyes that widened. "You want me to be mean to you?"

"Mean flirty." She rolled her eyes. "There's a difference, you know. Like, you could have said something like 'if I'd known it was you, I wouldn't have bothered'."

He scrunched his nose. "How is that flirty?"

"It just is, okay! It means I can snap back at you, and then you'll say something else, and then we'll be frolicking in puddles of UST."

"I see." Zuko took a step back from her. "Well, I'm not really in the mood for, uh, frolicking in puddles."

"Of UST!"

"Er, right." Zuko took another step backwards. "That. So I'll just be—"

She latched onto his arms. "You can't leave yet!"

Zuko's eyes bulged with alarm. This girl was crazy.

"You're supposed to say something flirty to me so when we have hot sex later it'll be at least semi believable!"

Zuko's eyes were so wide now that it felt like they might pop out of his sockets. His jaw had also dropped to leave his mouth hanging wide open. "What?" he managed to squeak.

And it really was a squeak. He hadn't sounded that high since he was three years old.

Katara tugged him closer. "That's what this is all about, you know: the hot sex that you're supposed to seduce me into. Why else do you think the fact I'm a master waterbender and capable of protecting myself got ignored just so you can save me? It's all about the setup, Zuko, and you're ruining it. So get seducing, Fire Prince!"

Zuko's cheeks burned hotter than the sun. "Look, I don't know what spell of crazy you've been hit with, but—" he frowned at her hands, which were resisting all his yanking for release. "Why aren't you letting me go?"

"I'm still waiting for you to say something flirty." She smirked up at him. "C'mon, it should be easy for you, right? We all know you're Zuko the Charmer, Zuko the Prince of Panty Dropping—"

"What?"

"Zuko the Sex God," she finished, not even batting an eyelash. "And that's why, even though we've always been enemies, only you can seduce me into having hot sex with you today." Her smirk widened. "So, what's it gonna be? Are you gonna ask me how I'll show my thanks to you? Just demand a kiss outright? Maybe take me back to your place so—"

"No!" He frantically tried to free himself of her grip. "I wouldn't say any of that stuff. And why the heck would I take you home?"

"So we can have hot sex, of course!"

If it was possible, his cheeks burned even hotter. "Would you stop saying that?" he hissed, giving a quick glance up and down the street to make sure no one had noticed.

"Saying what?"

"H-ho—" Ah, geez, he couldn't even say it without blushing and stammering.

"You mean hot sex?" she asked.

He nodded, still very heated about the ears.

A wicked grin curved her lips. "HOT SEX! HOT SEX! PRINCE ZUKO AND I ARE GOING TO HAVE HOmmmmph—"

Zuko kept his hand clamped tightly over her mouth. He was so embarrassed. Then something wet slid against his palm and he let out an unmanly shriek and released her.

"You licked me!" he accused.

"I could lick you somewhere else if you like."

He visibly gulped.

Katara frowned. "Why didn't you use that opening?"

"Use what opening?"

"The licking line, idiot! That was the perfect moment to say something flirty back and let us frolic in puddles of UST! There were so many options. You could have put your arm around my waist—" she suited action to word "—got in real close, and then lowered your voice like so and said 'how about I lick you instead?'"

Zuko wasn't sure how his blush had started spreading down his chest, but somehow it had. He felt like he was on fire with awkwardness and embarrassment. He was also getting a little hot and bothered in a different part of his anatomy. All this talk of sex and licking was putting terrible thoughts into his mind and he didn't know how to react.

"I'm really late for my tea serving job," he speed-mumbled, throwing all of his body weight against her arms to break free. He staggered a few, graceless steps but managed to correct his balance. "Uncle will be worried."

"Wait!" She snagged the back of his tunic.

Zuko let out a sound that sounded suspiciously like "meep".

"Why are you bringing up the old man and trying to run again?" she demanded.

"Katara, if you just—"

"That is a total mood killer, you know. We'll never get to the hot sex part if you keep acting like some delicate little virgin who's—"

Zuko choked on his own phlegm. He coughed and coughed and Katara actually had to pat him on the back to help him breathe again. When their eyes met, she was frowning.

"Don't tell me," she said flatly. "You actually are a virgin."

His darkening blush was the only answer she needed.

Katara groaned and smacked her palm to her forehead, though she recovered a second later. "But what about the prostitutes?" she cried, seizing his arms again.

"The what?"

"Prostitutes, Zuko! You know, the male rite of passage you had when you were fourteen!" She tilted her head to the side. "Though some people hold to the theory your dad gave you a prostitute as a gift when you were thirteen."

Zuko's jaw dropped. "Why on earth would my father do that?"

She shrugged. "You're a prince. Isn't that what royals do: get all kinky in the palace?"

"No!"

Geez. The only thing his father had given him when he was thirteen was a scar and banishment. Ozai hadn't even given him birthday gifts half the time—said they were distractions and Zuko would do better to focus on his bending.

Katara folded her arms under her breasts. "Alright, so you didn't do the naughty at the palace when you were thirteen. What's your excuse for keeping your virginal petals unsullied during the past three years, huh? Are you a hormonal teenager or what?"

"Uh, maybe because I had other things on my mind!" Now he was getting frustrated. "Why would I bother having sex with random prostitutes when all I wanted was to capture the Avatar?"

"Good for stress relief?"

He blushed and spluttered and declared very emphatically that it didn't matter now because he had not been visiting prostitutes at every port, not to mention his sex life—or lack of—was none of her business. "So just drop it!" he snapped.

Katara considered him for a long moment. Then she rolled her shoulders and clicked all her fingers like a warrior about to take her turn into the ring. "Alright, I can see I'm going to have to take matters into my own hands if I want to make you the real Prince of Panty Dropping."

"W-what?" He backed up a few steps.

She grinned and trapped him against a building. "Don't worry, Zuko. I'll take it nice and slow and teach you all you need to know." The length of her body pressed against his as she leaned up to whisper in his ear. "I hope you'll prove yourself a good student; I'll be looking forward to your practical exam."

He gulped.

And then later they had hot sex.

End