Author's Note: Are you ready? It's time for the third season! I know I'm early, but given how often I was late last season. Anyway, I've decided to not force myself to stick to a strict schedule. Expect at least one chapter a week, past that? Who knows? Now this is a sequel of Random Drama Island and Random Drama Action, but like before it isn't super important that you read them before this one. I'd like to think I do a good job of explaining the situation.

Disclaimer: I don't own Total Drama, the shuffled concept or the (most of) the characters.

All reviews should be answered by the end of the weekvia PM; and the guest reviews to the special will be mentioned in their first review of this season.

Remaining Competitors:

Boys: Alejandro, Duncan, Harold, Malcolm, Matthew, Mike, Noah, Tyler, Victor

Girls: Heather, Kitsune, Leshawna, Scarlett, Sierra, Sky, Staci, Zoey

Episode 01: Walk Like an Egyptian Part 1

"Season three of Total Drama, folks!" Chris McLean opened excitedly, briefly raising three fingers. The host was standing in front of what looked like an airport. "The world is gonna be mine, sea to shining sea!" He slid an open palm through the air in front of him, then turned to the side as a sputtering engine was heard off-screen.

"Sadly," he said as the shot zoomed out as a bus pulled up along the road behind him, "I'm forced to share my world with a three-ring traveling teen freak show." The bus door opened, and the camera cut back to Chris' close-up. "They'll be competing all around the globe for another million dollars," he announced. "So, let's meet our players!" The camera cut back to the front of the bus as the cast began to walk by.

"Kitsune!" The Goofball hopped off the bus with a smile, and had a red backpack on in addition to her regular outfit. "Duncan!" The Delinquent was next, smirking at the camera and wearing a pack that was similar to Kitsune's only it was blue. "Heather," The Queen Bee was third, waving at the camera and wearing a red backpack. "Sky!" Next was The Athlete, smiling softly as she put on her red pack. "Leshawna!" The Sista With a 'Tude was the last one of the group, carrying her red pack instead of wearing it.

The camera cut back to Kitsune and Duncan as the goofball suddenly stopped, then turned around to face her ex-boyfriend.

"Stop staring at my butt," she she told him.

"Just because I hate seeingyou leave," he defended, "doesn't mean I can't love watching you walk away."

"You are such a pig!" she exclaimed, turning around to hide her furious blush.

Leshawna was seen shaking her head with an amused smile.

"Victor!" Chris announced from next to the bus door, his arms out as The Gentleman stepped off the bus and bowed to the camera.

"Noah, Alejandro, aaaand Harold!" the smiling host continued as the three boys stepped off the bus one-by-one.

"Let's get this over with," The Bookworm said in a bored tone.

"Yes," The Arch-Villain said as he walked away. "The sooner we start, the sooner I win."

The voice of the Dweeb continued after that. "And did you remember to bring your motion sickness medication Scar?"

"How many times have I told you that Dad is the only one allowed to call me that?" The Quiet Brainiac's voice could be heard from inside the bus. She stepped out and stood next to her brother. "And aeronausea is quite different from motion sickness, as evident by the numerous times I've flown without getting sick."

"And returning favorites," Chirs announced, "Scarlett, Malcolm!" As the twins walked away, The Pain Magnet began to step off the bus, only to trip and fall to the ground. "Aaaannd..." the host continued as the camera's focus moved to him.

"Hey, did you guys know that runways were invented by my great-great Aunt's second husband James?" the familiar and annoying voice of The Compulsive Liar prattled, earning a frown from Chris before the camera cut to Staci looking around after having stepped off the bus. "Before him, airplanes had to land on city streets, yah." She took a step, but tripped over Malcolm and landed on top of him.

Mike walked down the stairs. "I don't think-" The Comedian started to say before he tripped over the two returnees. He was heard inhaling and Chester's voice added "Why don't you whippersnappers watch where yer goin'?!"

"Yup!" Chris told the camera. "Mike's back! As well as Chester, Manitoba Smith, Svetlana, and Vito. Also returning this season, Tyler," The Jock stuck a pose as he stepped out with a grin on his face... only to fall onto the pile of people in front of the exit, "and the pushover-turned-powerhouse, Zoey." The Indie Chick smiled shyly at the camera and stepped off the bus, adding herself to the pile.

"Like, I think you forgot to introduce me!" Staci spoke up from the bottom of the pile.

Chris sighed. "And Staci...," he finally said. "And now to mix things up and keep it all fresh," he grinned, "we're adding two new competitors! He's an A-minus student who's got a record producer for a dad and a favorite band we've probably never heard of, Matthew!"

The camera cut to The Hipster as he stepped into the bus's doorway, glancing around with a scowl on his face. He looked down at the others on the ground and sneered. "What? Is walking too advanced a task for you idiots?" he asked as they finished picking themselves up. The five contestants glared at the new guy before walking off. "That was rude," he said as he went off the join them.

The scene cut back to Chris as he announced the second newcomer. "And she's a sugar-addicted-super-fan with more than thirty Total Drama Blogs, Sierra!"

The Obsessive Uber-Fan ran out of the bus and gripped the side of her head. "Oh my gosh I love you guys!" She yelled. "And this is the greatest day of my life!" She started hyperventilating, then asked "Anybody got a paper bag I can breath into!"

"I think-" Malcolm began to say enthusiastically before Sierra started talking again.

"Oh my gosh! Harold!" She ran over to the redheaded twins and said, "I've dreamt of this moment, only you weren't wearing a shirt." Scarlett hid a chuckle at her brother's discomfort.

The sudden sound of a squeaky wheel and spluttering engine caused the three to turn around. The camera showed several close-ups of the Total Drama Jumbo Jet. First the grungy and patched-together triple-wheeled undercarriage landing gear. Next, the engines on the right wing, the one with a bird nest in front giving off a short burst of smoke. Then a closer shot of the top half of the plane as it passed the camera, Chef Hatchet visible through the cockpit window wearing a pilot's uniform. And lastly the Chris McLean logo on the side of the jet as the wheels screeched below.

"What the?" Duncan asked.

"Excuse me," Alejandro spoke up, "but I'm having concerns about whether or not our plane is safe."

"Relax!" Chris told him. "It's perfectly safe!"

Naturally it was then that a panel on the side of the plane fell off, a rat and a raccoon clinging to the piece of metal as it clattered to the ground then running off. "Now boarding!" Chris declared.

"Is that duct tape on the engines?" Kitsune asked.

"I'm more worried about that stray plywood," Scarlett commented.

"That's to cover a minor design flaw," Chris told them.

"How minor?" Noah asked.

"If something gets into that exhaust pipe, then the whole plane'll blow up," the host answered nonchalantly. "Any objections?"

"YES!" Sixteen voices yelled at once.

"Nope!" Sierra added gleefully.

"Perfect!" Chris said with a grin. "Now boarding! On a voyage to a million big ones!" He turned and pointed directly at the camera. "We're saving you a first class seat for all the action. Right here," he spread his arms wide, "on Total! Drama! Woooorrrrlllddd~ Tooouuurrrr~!" He sang the last two words and a grand little jingle played as the camera zoomed out to show the full cast as well as the jumbo jet.

"Are you kidding me?" Noah asked in disbelief.

XXXXX

[The sequence opens with a tilted shot of a stagelight swinging up and turning on in front of an airport control tower, followed by another light popping out of an overhead compartment along with a pair of oxygen masks; then a camera forcibly ejecting a raccoon from a wing engine and another camera bursting out of a suitcase, sending undergarments flying. A pair of white-skinned arms clap a film slate in front of the camera, which then flies down the aisle of first class seats. It passes a drink cart, then forces Chris to jump to the side as the camera flies into the cockpit.]

Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine

[Chef is piloting the plane in the cockpit, bobbleheads of himself and the host sitting on the control panel. For a single frame he turns his head and glares at the camera before it passes through the windshield and out onto the runway, the silhouette of the CN Tower visible in the distance as the camera flies over and through several baggage carts.]

You guys are on my mind

[Fading through the whiteness of a baggage cart, the camera emerges close to the CN Tower. The camera flies up along it, the sun shining bright at its peak. The scene arcs downward towards a lake, and speeds forward into it with a splash.]

You asked me what I wanted to be

[The bubbles from the splash fade to show Noah underwater in his bathing suit, with crossed arms and a scowl on his face. He does nothing to stop himself from sinking, and the camera pans up to the surface.]

And now I think the answer is plain to see

[On the roof of the cabin of a boat woven from reeds, Scarlett is calmly looking down and writing something on a notepad.]

I wanna be...famous

[The camera pans down and to the right to where Sierra and Leshawna are having a slap fight as crocodiles leap out of the water on either side and snap their jaws. The boat leaves the screen, and on 'be' one of the reptiles winces; the camera moves back to the boat, revealing that it had crashed into an inflatable raft which Harold on. The raft begins to sink, and while Harold sinks the two girls reach for him at the same time, only to end up in another slap fight.]

I wanna live close to the sun

[The camera flashes to the Statue of Liberty, immediately cutting to the top of its head as Sky helps Victor climb to the top. He gives her a grateful smile.]

Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won

[The couple stops with shock on their faces as Mike, sporting a dark grin and hair over one of his baggy eyes, suddenly runs past, pushing a terrified Duncan in a baby carriage. The punk opens his mouth in alarm as the comedian stops and launches the carriage straight into Staci, who had gotten down on all fours in their path. The carriage flips over, sending Duncan over the edge of the statue.]

Everything to prove

[The camera quick-pans to Matthew with a sneer on his face in a frozen setting. Duncan lands on the boy and knocks him down. The punk smirks at the hipster, who sends him a hate-filled glare.]

Nothin' in my way

I'll get there one day

[Another pan to the right shows Heather with a compact mirror in her hand and doing her make-up. Her eyes widen in alarm as she spots something in the reflection, and then she runs away. The camera pans to a polar bear glaring at the queen bee... which reveals itself to be Kitsune wearing a costume when the goofball takes of the head to giggle to herself.]

'Cause I wanna be...famous

[The camera zooms out to show a baby seal snarling at the goofball, who gives it a confused look until it attacks her and causes her to run away. The camera zooms in on the glacial background, and flashes over to Tyler and Alejandro surfing a rather large wave. The jock tries to double-point to the camera but he crashes into the charmer, sending both into the water.]

(Na nananana nanananana nananananana)

[Malcolm and Zoey were next, taking over-exaggerated steps along a certain British crosswalk as the Total Drama Jumbo Jet suddenly flew down the road, forcing both teens to duck in terror as the plane blew cars and trees past them. The scene changes again, now showing the entire cast in a human pyramid on top of the jet wearing parachute packs, singing the lyrics, and kicking their legs to the beat. On bottom are Alejandro, Sierra, Harold, Leshawna, Staci, and Malcolm. The second row consists of Heather, Scarlett, Zoey, Sky, and Victor. The third row is Noah, Matthew, Tyler, and Kitsune; while on top are Mike, looking like himself again, and Duncan.]

I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous (Na nananana nanananana nananananana)

[The jet flies right past Big Ben, causing one face of its clock to spring off; the jet flies over the Arc de Triomphe in Paris, startling a very French mime into dropping a croissant; the jet flies past a rock balancing on a stone pillar, causing the rock to fall off and land in front of the camera with a cloud of dust.]

I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous (Na nananana nanananana nananananana)

[The dust clears to show Mike and Duncan in close-up on top of the human pyramid, with the punk suspiciously eyeing the comedian. The camera then pans down to Sky and Victor as they smile at each other, then down again to Malcolm as a bird flies into his face, causing him to frown.]

[The lyrics end as the scene cuts to Chef Hatchet in the cockpit, looking above him with a scowl on his face. A guitar is strummed as the hulking pilot looks forward and turns the plane sharply to the left, and the last few whistling notes play as, back outside, the cast falls through the open air. Most soon deploy their parachutes and float down safely, the camera panning down as Matthew and Sierra arrive to show the majority of the cast lined up and smiling at the camera. The hipster lands on the far left end; to the right are Leshawna, Harold, Noah, Zoey, Mike, Sky, Victor, Scarlett, Heather, Duncan, Alejandro, and Sierra. Malcolm is sitting on his butt in front of Sky and Victor, the couple looking at the boy in concern. Tyler had landed on his stomach in front of Matthew, Leshawna, and Harold, and Kitsune had landed on her butt next to him in front of Noah, giving the camera a peace-sign. The jet speeds in for a landing behind them as the song ends, the logo for 'Total Drama World Tour' on its side. Only then does Staci finally land flat on her face in the middle of the group, causing everybody to avert their eyes from the camera and look down at her with surprise.]

XXXXX

The scene faded back in to Chris leading the cast into what looked like an eating area. "So we really are singing." Kitsune thought aloud. "And here I thought McLean finally managed to pull off a joke. Not that I have a problem with it."

"Yeah, but you like singing," Leshawna told her.

"Well I don't!" Duncan declared. "Girls sing, little birdies sing haha," he crossed his arms and added "Duncans do not sing."

"Think I'll get to beatbox?" Harold asked Scarlett.

"I'll beat ya if you try," Duncan warned, brandishing a fist at the dweeb.

"Why are you doing this to us?" Heather asked, pointing a finger at the host.

"Singing reality shows are huge," Chris explained. "And! The worse the singing, the higher the ratings! Which is why on this show," the camera began to pan across the mostly-nervous faces of the cast, "there will be no vocal coaches, or rehearsals, or warning!" The cast immediately began to complain.

"Anyhoo," the host continued over the annoyed murmur, "this is the dining area, where you'll enjoy in-flight meals!" He motioned to one of the tables behind him, the seats of which seemed to be a combination of crates and trash cans.

"Did you know it was my cousin four times removed Phyllis who invented in-flight meals?" Staci immediately asked, standing at the front of the group with Sky and Victor. "Yah, before her people had to bring their own food on long flights."

"Staci," Sky spoke up, "this is you were the first Gopher voted off."

"I thought it was because of Alejandro," Victor said.

"Either way," Chris interrupted with a scowl, "it's time to zip it and let me finish the tour so we can get this bird in flight." The three cringed sheepishly.

"Is there a ladies room?" Leshawna asked.

"Just through there," Chris said with a smile, pointing over his shoulder with his thumb.

"Good," Leshawna said as she walked past, "'cause I gotta make a deposit."

XXX

After a bit of static, the sista was shown walking into a small and slightly dirty restroom through a camera behind the sink. She went to unzip her pants, only to notice the camera.

"There's a camera in the potty?" She asked, leaning forward against the sink. "Again? Ugh! Can't a sista get a little privacy on this program?" She asked while crossing her arms.

XXX

The footage cut back to Chris, his back to the camera, addressing the contestants in another open room. "Losing teams will enjoy luxurious economy class accommodations between destinations," he said as the shot pulled back to show the room had no seats, only benches along the walls on both sides; it also had a small drip of water coming down on the right.

"Dude, where are the beds?" Malcolm asked.

"Matthew," Chris said as he looked to his left, "will demonstrate."

The cast and camera turned to see the hipster strapped onto the bench and against the wall. "As you can see," the host continued, "all seats come with straps to keep you safe in case of emergency."

"That does not look comfortable," Heather commented.

"It's loser class idiot!" Matthew shot at her. "It's not supposed to be comfortable."

"Matthew buddy," Chris said with an annoyed tone and face. "Don't steal my lines. 'kay?"

The hipster rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

Sierra walked up to the host. "OMG Chris I am just LOL."

"Can we get this over with and show me where my team is sleeping?" Matthew asked as he unstrapped himself.

"Hah!" Tyler laughed, "only if we're on the same team. 'Cause this is my season!"

\

The scene flashed to the host standing in the aisle of a much fancier room, filled with actual seats and even a meeting table. "This," Chris said as the camera panned to the left and showed the contestants enjoying themselves, "is the first class cabin. The domain of each week's winners."

The pan stopped on Victor and Matthew, who were standing by the last row of seats next to a mini-bar. Scarlett was watching them from a seat nearby, as was Sky from down the aisle.

"This is much more suited to the ladies of our little group," Victor mused.

"It's definitely better than the other ones," Matthew sniffed. "My team better not screw up my chances of getting here."

"That guy is so rude," Sky commented to herself.

"I know," Zoey said, she and Mike having joined her. "Luckily I don't see him lasting too long."

"True," Mike said. "I don't care how smart he is, there's no way he's gonna get far with him making enemies this fast."

The camera cut back to Victor and the new guy. "Hopefully Sky and I will be on the same team so that we may enjoy these accommodations together."

Matthew rolled his eyes. "If you want to win, I suggest leaving behind the girl. Two seasons and she never made it to the halfway point once? What some call athlete, I call dead weight."

"I beg your pardon?!" askeda rather offended Victor.

The camera zoomed over to Scarlett in the seat nearby, who narrowed her eyes at the conversation.

XXX

The season's second confessional was in the cockpit of the plane. Chef was seen fiddling with the flight instruments in the background.

"The others may be quick to dismiss Matthew, but I am not," Scarlett said began before looking around the room. "Sorry," she said after bringing her attention back to the camera. "I was just considering how much more preferable this is to the restroom."

"Maybe for you!" Chef turned around to tell her. "I'm tryin' to prep for a flight here!"

She shot him a brief disdainful look, then went back to her confessional. "The point I was attempting to make is even if you factor in his McLean level ego, that amount of confidence usually means he has some method for ensuring his victory."

"I think you're readin' into things," Chef commented.

"And I think your continued input is unnecessary and unwelcome," Scarlett shot back.

"The kid's just a jerk," Chef said without turning around. "Nothin' else to it."

"I can see it's pointless to convey my thoughts in here," Scarlett said dryly as she stood up.

XXX

"Whoa, where are we right now?" Malcolm asked as the footage cut back to him standing in awe with his back to an entertainment system. "There's a grand piano," he added as the camera quick-panned to a grand piano, "a personal pizza oven," the shot cut to a close-up of a roaring fire in a cast iron wood-burning pizza oven, "and a pretty awesome hot tub too!" The shot pulled back from the oven to show a large hot tub set up next to it with lights around the edge and swirling waters.

"How do I win this?" Duncan asked as he walked up to the hot tub. "Chicks dig hot tubs."

Chris walked up behind him with a frown on his face. "Easy, Tiger," he told the punk. "These are my quarters. And they're off limits," he said sternly, "clear?"

"Crystal," Duncan said with an eye-roll

"Oh Chris," Sierra chimed in next to the host, "I heart your limits." Chris just raised an eyebrow at her.

XXX

"I am not going to lose three times in a row," Heather declared in the bathroom confessional. "Right now I have two strategic options now that Shawn's gone. Either I make friends with the newbies, or I try and work with the Peanut Gallery from last season."

"Actually, there's no way I can stand being around Matthew, Sierra, or Staci long enough to even attempt an alliance. Tyler's completely useless and Malcolm's turned on me once before. That means my only option is Scarlett." She smiled. "I think I can make this work."

XXX

The scene cut back to the dining area, the seventeen contestants seated at or around the two tables. "And that's pretty much it," Chris told the group, and as he spoke the high-pitched sound of the jet engines built up around them. "I skipped the cargo hold and galley, but I'm sure you'll find about those exciting destinations later, when I 'accidentally' lock you in them."

The craft suddenly shook, knocking Leshawna into Harold. "Get off of me, Le-Traitor," the dweeb said.

"Oh," the sista said with a blush. "Sorry Harold."

"And it begins," Kitsune commented.

"One more thing," Chris announced. "I'm sure you remember a little something called the elimination ceremony?" The shot pulled back from his close-up as a few deep and dramatic notes played and he pointed off to the right. "Takes place right in there my friends!"

\

The host and cast were now standing in another open room, Chris in particular next to an exit door that was flanked by giant wooden heads. "If you don't receive a barf bag full of airline-issue peanuts," the host began to say before he was interrupted.

"My third-cousin-once-removed George came up with the idea of serving peanuts on flights," Staci said at the front of the group. "Before him, people had to bring their own snacks, yah."

"You will be forced to take the Drop of Shame," Chris continued with an utterly unamused glare towards the chatterbox.

"And before him-" Staci began to add before the host grabbed her by the collar of her shirt.

"Kinda like this!" The camera cut to the outside of the jet, now taxiing down the runway. Staci was thrown from an open door near the tail, and bounced off the pavement as Chris could just be seen looking out the door.

"Hey!" she said with a frown as she stood back up. "Like, what was that for?" The camera pulled back from her close-up as she began to chase after the plane. "Hey! Can you, like, slow down so I can get back in?"

"All eliminations are final dude!" Chris said with a cheery wave from the open door.

\

The scene cut to a world map, an airplane symbol moving from northeastern Canada towards Africa. As it flew, the real jet's engines were roaring.

\

Once again, the scene cut back to the dining area. The cast were in the same seats they'd been in prior to the impromptu elimination demonstration, minus Staci.

"Hey Harold," Malcolm said cheerfully. "Remember our New England Tour?"

Before the the other band member could answer, Sierra spoke up. "Oh I do! My mom and me drove like five hours so I could watch you guys live. It was the best birthday ever!"

"Well I'm glad we could make your birthday so memorable," the pain magnet said with an attempt at a suave smile.

It was then that a small musical note logo twirled onto the lower right corner of the screen, accompanied by two quick rings of a bell. The cast looked to the left, and the camera cut to Chris leaning coolly in the passageway out of the dining hall. He was wearing a dapper, if old-fashioned, suit, complete with bowler hat and baton. A short show tune played as he stood up straight, removed his hat, and struck a wide-legged pose with his feet turned inward.

"Whenever you hear that friendly little bell," he told the cast with a wag of his finger, "it's musical number time!" He raised his hat and baton into the air in another cheery pose, then stood straight again and put both items behind his back. "So!" he smiled devilishly. "Let's hear it!"

"Let's hear what?" Kitsune asked. "You told us what to sing."

"You have to make it up as you go," Chris explained. "Wouldn't be challenging otherwise, now would it?"

/\/\/\

[A single blaring note started the song and Kitsune shrugged.]

Up! Up! Up! Uuuuup!

[Kitsune stood up as she sang the first word. Next to her Sky did the same, looking much more uncertain and singing with the goofball. Sierra added her voice in the mix, looking as uncertain as Sky. And the impromptu harmony had a fourth voice added to it courtesy of Zoey, who looked more confident than Sky and Sierra but less so than Kitsune.]

Sing! Sing! Sing! Siiiing!

[Harold stood up and sang the first word with the usual uncertainty. Malcolm confidently added his voice to his bandmate's as he too stood, then Alejandro stood up and sang as confident as Malcolm, and finally Tyler added his voice to the mix, looking alarmed as he did so.

We're flying! And singing! We're flying and we're singing!

[All the girls sang 'We're flying' gathered around Leshawna. The guys, minus Duncan and Noah, added 'And singing' as they got in front of the ladies. The fourteen castmates sang the last part of the line over an aerial view of the jet as it passed over a winding river, the camera zooming in and rotating so the plane was now soaring against the sunny sky; the music made a hectic transition along with the shot.]

Come fly with us! Come fly with us!

[Mike and Zoey sang together as they slow-danced through the first class area, passing by Kitsune.]

"Or don't and get left, iiin the dust. That's right."

[Kitsune said after the couple left, the music getting replaced with a hip-hop rendition.]

Come fly with us! Come fly with us!

[Sky sang in another part of first class, standing on a couch as she did so. Sierra added her voice to the gymnast's as she stood on a recliner across the aisle.]

"Tis an honor." "And a pleasure." "And a must."

[Victor said the first part, holding out his hand and helping his girlfriend get down from the couch. Alejandro said the second part as he helped Sierra get down, and the two boys said the last part at once. The camera cut to the blushing face of Sky and the skeptical face of Sierra.]

"Dude this is messed. You're singing in a plane."

[A slumped over Duncan said back in the dining hall, speaking in time with the harsh drumbeats that had taken over the music.]

What did you expect? Chris is freaking insane

[Harold sang as he stood nearby fiddling with his nun-chucks as the drumbeats briefly stopped. He hit himself in the head after his line and cried out "Ah!"

"It's just Chris trying to embarrass us on TV."

[Noah said to the drum beats said as he stood nearby.]

That's kinda obvious but it doesn't bother meeeeeeee!

[Kitsune sang as she slung an arm around the bookworm and the drums stopped for good.]

Come fly with us! Come fly with us!

[Malcolm sang to a more jazzy rendition of the background music as he danced like he was in a '70's era nightclub. Leshawna added her voice in with his as she did her own strange form of dancing.]

"Do you know how to steer this thing?"

[Heather asked frantically in the cockpit, clutching to the copilot's seat.]

"I try."

[Chef said with a laid-back shrug, hands behind his head and legs lifted up. The music briefly cut out as the camera pulled back outside the plane; the camera rotated and zoomed back in on the rear side door as the music resumed at a slower pace]

They thought they could just leave me behind. But I am going to win the game this ti~ime!

[Staci sung from inside an open piece of luggage that had a spotlight shining on it in what was presumably the cargo hold.]

Come fly with us! Come DIE with us!

[Matthew sang, the camera panning right after the first line to show him watching with a sneer out the nearest window.]

"I've counted over twenty-nine safety violations-"

[Scarlet began to say, the camera panning right even further to show her also looking out a window in alarm. Matthew was heard yelling "Shut up!" and the brainiac glared back in his direction.]

Come fly with us! Come sing with us!

[A number of voices sang together, the show tune becoming more upbeat despite the camera focusing on Noah and Duncan sulking back-to-back in the dining hall.]

"NO!"

[The bookworm and punk said forcefully just as the music cut down to a simmer and the four singers ducked back down to be replaced by Chris.]

"Anyone care for a copy of the season three rules? Because in order to escape instant elimination-"

[The host asked holding up a stack of papers, then began to clarify before they were snatched out of his hand by Zoey.]

All contestants must sing when they're asked to

[The indie chick sang to a lighter part of the tune, her back to the glaring host.]

"Noah do it, come on bro."

[Malcolm told his friend, nudging him with his shoulder and the music taking on a forceful tone.]

"Duncan please, don't go."

[Kitsune asked almost pathetically as she stared at her ex with wide eyes.]

"Fine."

[Duncan said begrudgingly after taking a look at the look on Kitsune's face.]

Come fly with us! Come fly with us! Come, and fly, with uuuuuuuussss!

[Duncan sang once he got to his feet. The camera cut to the impressed or shocked looks on Zoey, Chris, and Malcolm's faces.]

"Dude?"

[Malcolm asked again once he'd shaken the surprise of his face and Noah pursed his lips for a moment before finally opening them, closing his eyes, and spreading his arms.]

I hate Chriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis!

[The bookworm sang grudgingly, the camera slowly pulling back to show the majority of the cast now standing around him: Sky and Zoey in the back row; Malcolm, Alejandro, Tyler, Harold, Victor, and Scarlett in the middle row; Kitsune siting down, Sierra on her knees, and Leshawna on one knee to stage right of Noah in the front row; Duncan and Matthew on one knee and Heather lying half on her side to stage left.]

"Ditto."

[The cast minus Noah said as one, doing jazz hands as well.]

\/\/\/

The music ended, and the camera followed the cast's gaze over to Chris, who was reading a newspaper. A ding signaled the in-flight intercom coming on, and the host looked up as Chef began to talk. "Enough singin' fruitcakes!" he said, a loudspeaker on the wall shaking with every word. "Strap yourselves in! We are now beginnin' our descent into Egypt." He continued in what sounded like an under-his-breath tone. "Musical numbers. Worst idea ever. Chris is such an idiot." The host gasped. "Hey, why's the PA light still on?" Chef asked. "Aww, sh-" A screeching feedback of the intercom turning off signaled that Chef had finally cut himself off.

"We'll be right back," Chris told the camera, his face scrunched up in annoyance.

\

(Commercial Break)

\

The episode resumed with the jumbo jet having already landed on a runway in the Egyptian desert, the cast assembled out front and a great stone pyramid behind them in the distance.

"You guys ready for a little fun? Huh?" Chris asked as he entered the scene dressed as a Pharaoh, sipping some cold drink and getting carried in on a leaf-shaded sedan chair by two white-skinned men in stereotypical ancient Egyptian garb. "Wow, it's a scorcher out here huh?" he added before taking a sip of his drink through a bendy straw. "I call today's challenge 'Pyramid Over-Under'!" The nearby pyramid was shown as he named the challenge.

"An eleven hour flight, Chef's in-flight cuisine, a forced musical number," Leshawna complained. "Now we got a challenge?!"

"Don't you love this game?" Chris asked with a grin, the litter now on the ground as one of his 'servants' fanned him with the leaf.

\

The scene flashed forward to the sixteen present contestants lined up in two rows at a starting line: Noah, Kitsune, Matthew, Heather, Victor, Tyler, Leshawna, and a tin-foil weaaring Harold in the front; Scarlett, Malcolm, Sky, Alejandro, Mike, Zoey, Duncan, and Sierra in back.

The camera cut to a close-up of Harold, who clearly seemed to be suffering the most in the sizzling heat. "It's like we're being cooked in a giant oven," he groaned, sweat pouring down his face.

"It might help if you weren't dressed like a giant baked potato," Leshawna told him.

"Aluminum foil keeps aliens from reading your brain," he said by way of explanation. "It's a real problem in this area."

Chris suddenly banged to large cymbals together, distracting the two before Leshawna could retort. "Man!" the host said with his typical smile. "That's satisfying. Alright! 'Pyramid Over-Under' means you choose how you'll get to the finish line. Either over or under the pyramid. Got it?" Those on the right end nodded, except for Matthew who just rolled his eyes.

"Ready!" the host shouted as the contestants got into running positions. "Set!"

"Wait up!" came the voice of Staci, causing the castmates on-screen to look behind. "Like, wait up you guys!" Staci repeated, the shot pulling back to show her running up to the starting line with a huff. Chris was shown looking annoyed as the girl came running into the close-up, saying "I, like, said I wasn't gonna lose this time, remember?"

"Didn't we leave you in, like, Halifax, or Whitehorse, or, whatever?" the host asked.

"Oh yah," Staci nodded, "but I managed to grab the landing gear and climbed up into the cargo hold."

"Impressive," Chris told her. "Buuuut, you're still out."

"What?! No I'm not!" Staci countered. "The competition hasn't, like, even started yet!"

"Hey, your funeral," the host said blankly before putting his smile back on and raising the cymbals. "Set? Go!" He banged them together and the cast started running, even Staci after a moment. Many of them were shown running into the pyramid.

\

The scene flashed inside, the camera looking into a room from the doorway – several burial urns lined either wall, and there were three doorways out the other end.

"Oh great," Noah griped. "Our friendly neighborhood host dude forgot to mention that there were different paths."

The perspective inverted, showing some of the contestants who'd chosen 'under': Sierra in front; Noah, Malcolm, and Harold behind her on the left; Scarlett, Kitsune, and Duncan looking out from the right.

"Hey Scarlett," Heather asked from behind the group. "Which way do you think we should go?"

"I'll have an answer in a moment," the brainiac told her. "Though I'm confused by when exactly you and I became 'we'."

"And for those of us who don't feel like slummin' it with Heather?" Duncan asked.

"There's an old spy movie trick where you lick your finger and hold it up to find the airflow," Kitsune suggested. She did that and declared, "The middle one." Duncan followed behind her and Noah started to, but stopped.

"Aren't you comin' with Wile E.?" he asked Malcolm.

Malcolm watched as Sierra and Leshawna followed Harold into the first door. "You go, I think Harold's onto something," the pain magnet said before jogging in an attempt to catch up with the group.

\

Another flash took the scene back outside the pyramid, the camera looking up at the sun blaring high above it's peak. A pan down the side put the focus on the unlikely trio of Tyler, Mike, and Zoey standing at the base.

"Is it too late to go under instead?" The jock asked as he wiped some sweat from his brow.

"Alejandro's doing fine," Zoey pointed out. The camera quick panned to show the charmer effortlessly jumping from one outcropping to another.

"Besides," Mike added as the camera panned down a little to show Matthew making his climb. "If Matthew can do it, I'm pretty sure we can."

The hipster perked up, having heard the comment. "Don't be so sure!" he yelled to the three. "Consider this a sneak peak of the finale. Me, winning the challenge and the million!"

"You'll have to pass me first!" Alejandro was heard taunting.

"I intend to," Matthew muttered under his breath.

\

"It still is possible for you go on and win this without me," Victor said as Sky tied a rope around his waist. The camera panned out to show that the same rope had been tied around hers, and they haven't begun their climb yet.

"Nope," she said simply. "This season I'm not letting the competition get in the way of us."

"While I am flattered," Victor said, "I just hope that you will not let 'us' get in the way of the competition."

"There's no reason to worry," she told him. "I'm sure we can do this together." The two began their climb.

\

"Okay," Duncan said as he, Noah, and Kitsune walked through a passageway with a slab on the wall engraved with hieroglyphics. "Even I think this place is creepy."

"Here's hoping we chose the right door and don't end up trapped in here," Noah commented dryly.

"Makes you think that just about anything could come popping out at you," Kitsune added.

"I was just makin' a comment," Duncan told them. "There's no need for a conversation on the subject."

"Why?" Kitsune teased. "Is the big bad ex-con scared of a- Oof!" She was interrupted when she tripped on a large pile of bandages on the floor.

The boys shared a nervous look, then Noah asked "You okay Foxtrot?"

Kitsune groaned. "I'm fine," she affirmed as she stood up. "But suddenly, I fell like pranking," she added with a smirk.

\

The camera flashed back outside the to peak of the pyramid, where a sign had been set up warning of the fact that it was, quite literally, all downhill from there.

As Alejandro began to clear the peak, the camera panned down to show an exhausted and sweaty Tyler. "I can't believe I'm in second place!" the jock cheered as he continued. He unknowingly startled a scorpion, which stung him and caused him to hold the injured hand. This in turn caused him to lose his grip on the pyramid and fall down to the ground, hitting each terrace as he did so.

The camera followed him as he fell past Matthew, who wisely moved to the side when the boy tumbled down. He continued falling and crashed into Mike and Zoey, then Sky and Victor, and the five teens landed in a heap at the bottom of the pyramid.

"Darn it!" Tyler swore.

\

A close-up of an odd-looking floor tile back inside was shown next, and Heather's sandaled foot stepping on it. The shot rapidly pulled out to show Scarlett gasp then quickly forced the queen bee down as several spears shot out of the walls.

Heather giggled sheepishly. "Oops," she said. "Sorry about that."

Scarlett took a breath and began cleaning her glasses with her sweater. "As long as you don't make a habit out of it," she told her companion.

\

Meanwhile, Zoey seemed to be climbing by herself looking very determined. "You will have to be doing much better than that!" Mike, as Svetlana, was heard saying.

"You haven't beaten me yet!" Zoey yelled back playfully.

\

Malcolm, Sierra, Leshawna, and Harold were shown next, running through the pyramid past a shelf of mummified animals; a penguin, a monkey, a dog, an octopus, and a cat judging by their shapes. The pain magnet skidded to halt and turned back to get a closer look at them, prompting his companions to do so as well out of irritation.

"Hey," Malcolm said. "Check out these cool mummy pets."

"Malcolm!" Leshawna cried in exasparation. "We do not have time to geek out over a stuffed dog!"

"Fine," he said making a move to pet it before leaving. Sierra slapped his hand away before he could do so.

"Don't you remember Season One Episode Eight?" she asked upon seeing the boy's shocked face. "Kitsune cursed your whole team and you wound up getting mauled by a bear!"

Malcolm's eyes widened. "Yeah, good call," he told her and the four took off again.

\

"Foxy!" Duncan called out as Noah watched. "Foxy?!"

"Dude she's lost," the bookworm said. "We gotta go."

"I thought you two were friends," the punk accused.

"And I thought you didn't care about her anymore," Noah retorted. "Isn't that why you dumped her?"

"Hey, until you get a love life, keep your nose outta mine!" Duncan yelled at his companion before storming off the way they cam to look for his ex. Noah left after that, but continuing on.

\

Another flash moved the focus to a close-up of a mummy icon at the top of a doorway, the camera panning down to show Staci walking about and glancing around.

"Like where'd everybody go?" She asked before noticing a small button on the wall ahead of her. "An intercom? I bet I can use this to find the others!"

She pressed the button, and a pile of bandages to dropped onto her from the ceiling, along with an ornate-looking ankh and crook.

\

"Hmm," Alejandro tapped his chin in thought, now standing at the peak of the pyramid. He glanced around and said "I could climb down," then noticed the sign on top, "but this might be faster!" He wrenched the sign out and stood on it like a surfboard before sending himself down the tomb.

The camera lingered on the peak as Matthew climbed up and over it. He looked down the slope, gasped, and let out an angry "No!"

\

The next flash took the scene to a different location outside of the pyramid, the exit. Harold and the three following him were the first ones out, running and panting all the way to the finish line where Chris was waiting for them.

"Good work guys!" he told them as they stopped to catch their breath.

"We won?" Malcolm asked in disbelief.

"You bet we did!" Harold cheered, giving his bandmate a high-five.

"Go stand behind the number one," Chris told them, gesturing over his shoulder with his thumb.

"In Egytian, it's Wahit," Harold said. The camera cut back to the host, gave the dweeb a look that caused his face to fall.

\

Back inside the pyramid, Heather and Scarlett were shown running from something and screaming. They were followed by an ominous shadow on the wall that was soon revealed to be cast by a shambling and barely-wrapped mummy.

As soon as it got to the center of the screen it paused then stuck an arm out to clear away the wrappings around its mouth.

"That was awesome!" Kitsune's voice said from within the bandages. "Right guys?" She turned behind her only to see that no one was there. "Huh," she said blankly. "I think I'm lost."

Just then another mummy, this one much more bandaged, hopped on screen. The goofball screamed and ran away.

\

The camera cut to Duncan as he searched for Kitsune. His eyes widened in delight and he said "Foxy! I've been lookin' everywhere for-"

She ran into him and knocked him down. "What the heck?!" he yelled at her.

"Can't talk, gotta run!" she called back as an apology.

"Run from what?" the punk asked no one. He got his answer when the shadow of the mummy that Kitsune ran into earlier was cast against the wall, and he ran away screaming as well.

"Guys, wait!" the voice of Staci said from within. "It's just me! And I'm totally not a mummy, okay?! Guys?"

\

Back outside, Alejandro surfed down the steps of the pyramid with a shout of joy and ran to the finish line. Moments later, Matthew bounded down to the ground and with a cry of "Not so fast!" began running as well.

Alejandro crossed first and moved to join the four who'd already made it, and Matthew crossed a moment later with a scowl on his face. He also went to join the others, but was stopped by Chris.

"Not so fast!" the host told him, sticking an arm out to stop them. "This season, three teams!" He held up a trio of fingers, then put an arm around the hipster's shoulder. "Alejandro rounds out Team One. Matthew, you're the first member of Team Two!"

"In Egyptian it's Ait-Nayn," Harold commented.

"If it's any consolation," Chris told Matthew, "you do get...," a series of grunts and thuds got hit attention, and the camera followed his gaze backwards to show Tyler tumbling down the pyramid in a rather painful and uncontrolled manner. He finally landed half-buried in the sand.

"That one's Tyler isn't it?" Matthew asked.

"Yep!" Chris answered. "You also get...," he motioned to the side, the shot cutting to the pyramid's exit where Duncan and Kitsune ran screaming out the structure all the way to the finish line. "Congratulations!"

"I don't know how I'll ever live with the joy," the hipster deadpanned.

XXX

"Me being the most useful person on my team was a given," Matthew told the bathroom confessional. "But those three? Ugh!"

XXX

Back at the pyramid's exit, Svetlana and Zoey were the next to end their descent. "I told you you could not be beating me!" Svetlana taunted as they made it to the finish line.

Zoey perked up and noticed their current position. "We made it!" she cheered grabbing Svetlana for a hug. The Russian gymnast inhaled and Mike's usual features returned.

"Aaaaand hug's over," Chris announced. "Mike, get behind the number two." The spikey-haired boy joined the four with an uncertain smile. "Zoey, you'll be on Team Three."

"In Egyptian-" Harold started.

"No one cares Harold," the host told him, interrupting the fact.

"So everyone that's left's on my team?" Zoey asked.

The scene immediately cut to the pyramid's exit where Noah, Scarlett, and Heather were walking out. "You're lucky we found you in there Traitor," Heather said.

"I'm surprised they didn't find a horseshoe lodged in my stomach during my last x-ray," Noah deadpanned.

"Would you two please shut up!" Scarlett asked in frustration.

"Oh kiii~iids!" Chris said to them through a megaphone, and a familiar set of dings played. "Recognize that sound?" the host asked as the shot moved back to him. "Time for whoever's not finished yet to give us a little musical reprise!"

"You said one song per episode!" Noah said in anger.

"Yeah," Chris told him, "and this is a reprise, not a new song! So if you don't sing, you're out! So let's hear it!"

"Oh no," the bookworm said.

"What do you mean 'no'?" the host asked.

"Just what I said McLean! The flight, the food, the heat, the challenge," Noah said as he walked over to the host. "I can deal with. I was even willing to go through the first song. But making me sing again just because I'm not fast enough for you? Forget it!"

"Dude," Chris told him, "you have a contract."

"You can take your contract and (BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP)! With the horse you rode in on! I'm out! Done! I! QUIT!" Noah then stormed off, and the camera cut to the shocked faces of Malcolm and Kitsune.

"If I may bring attention to myself," Scarlett asked, gaining the attention of everyone and the camera. She was standing next to Heather, Sky and Victor. "I'd like to be sure which of these numbers I'm standing behind."

"Right," the host said, still shocked by Noah's outburst. "The four of you are with Zoey on Team-"

"Tah-La-Ta," Harold interrupted. "Or three."

"What about me?" Staci asked, having made it out of the pyramid and her bandages. "I totally did everything like everyone else did, you gotta let me back in the game, yah!" she demanded mere inches away from the host

Chris sighed in annoyance. "Fine, but only Noah the Potty Mouth quit on me. Go ahead and join Team One."

Staci grinned. "Oh yah, thanks so much!" she said, eagerly running off screen.

The viewpoint shifted to show the three teams standing in an arc around the host: Alejandro, Sierra, Malcolm, Leshawna, and Harold on the left with Staci walking towards them; Mike, Kitsune, Duncan, Tyler, and Matthew on the right; Victor, Sky, Scarlett, Heather, and Zoey further back on the right.

"Okay teams," Chris said, "talk amongst yourselves and determine a team name. You have three minutes," he held up the same number of fingers, "while I enjoy this ice cram cone," he held up said treat.

"Team Omega!" the five members of the former Team Two cheered as one, the camera cutting to the yellowish sky above them as a circular logo spun into the screen with a ding; it depicted the last letter of the Greek alphabet that was colored blue.

"Team Amazon!" the ladies of what was formerly Team Three, announced, raising their hands together in the air as Victor stood back and said nothing. Another ding accompanied the appearance of their new logo, a pink female gender symbol.

The third team seemed to be having trouble coming to a decision, the camera panning across the five as they muttered things like "Team Wicked," "Team Bodacious Beauty," "Team Epic," "Team Dude," and "There are girls on this team too ya know!" Finally, the shot came to a rest on Sierra who seemed to be deep in thought.

"Got it!" she finally announced with a smile. "Team Chris is Really Really Really Really Hot."

"What?" her teammates chorused as their logo appeared: Chris McLean's face, colored yellow and with sparkles around it.

"All right!" the host told them with his usual smile. "Best team name ever. And here are your rewards," he added, gesturing to the side. "Team Amazon," he pointed back at the off-screen team, "you win a camel!" He pointed back to the other side, and the camera cut to a camel and a goat standing on a wooden platform nearby.

Zoey, Victor, and Sky looked confused, while Heather and Scarlett looked annoyed.

"Team Omega, you win a goat!" The goat immediately rushed over to the team headbutting Tyler and sending him off-screen.

"And Team Chris is Really Really Really Really Really Hot," the host continued.

"I think that there were only four 'Really's," Alejandro interjected,

Chris ignored the comment and finished his announcement. "Here ya go!" he said while holding up a forked stick.

"So the guys who come in last get a camel and we get a stick?" Leshawna asked incredulously.

"All will be explained," the host said, "if I feel like it. Next time!" he pointed at the camera. "Right here! On Total! Drama! Woooorrrrlllddd~ Tooouuurrrr~!"

(Roll the Credits)

Author's Note Post Script: And that's the start. Looking back I might've focused a little too much on Matthew, but I was trying to tone down Sierra at the same time. I'm not sure how it plays to someone who doesn't have most of the answers in his head. On the other hand, I think I did a good job reintroducing the four from Season One. Each has a nice little niche that they fill.

The song... I knew those would cause me some trouble, but I never really anticipated this much of it. There's so much to choreograph. I just hope it wasn't too off-putting.

I'd like to think the groups, or lack thereof, was obvious. Although Noah did end up getting stuck with the exes. By the way, since I didn't really make it clear in the special Kitsune chose Duncan and wants him back but isn't sure if she has a shot. He wants her back, but doesn't want to admit it.

And of course, Noah's elimination. There's a bit of a running gag in my head that started with a review for Shuffledverse's All-Stars. You see someone made a comment about Noah not being very likely to do reality TV again once he won. Taking that and running with it, he didn't want to be in the season (or the last one) in the first place. That was evident in the special (I hope) and in the opening theme. So the reprise was the last straw for him.

I know I have two team names that are the same. I really liked the idea of one guy being on the 'girl team', especially the name of said team. What I didn't like was constant use of it to attack Cody's masculinity. Seriously it's the 21st century. And with Sierra as a newbie I couldn't possibly not have the teamed named after Chris. Team Omega is all Matthew though. It's the last letter of the Greek alphabet and he's gonna be the last person in the game (in his own over-inflated ego.)

And I'll be doing bonus clips for every episode that has one. And if it doesn't and I come up with an idea I like, I'll throw one in.

I hope you all enjoyed the episode, or some part of it.

With that I'm signing off

-TotalDramaFan14

RDWT ELIMINATION TABLE:

17th Place: Noah