Rick,

So, looks like I'm a single man again. Let the wives go on their merry ways. Figured it was time and they were ready to go or some shit. You know spread your wings and soar. Also released all the prisoners. Had no (illegible scribbling) I was done with them.

-Negan

Negan,

I'd say I'm sorry for your multiple divorced but I'm really not. Hope all is well and thank you for delivering supplies.

-Rick

Rick,

Not a problem and thank you oh so much for your comforting words. I feel much lighter than I had before your kindness sparkled down on me. You're really the air beneath my wings.

-Negan

Negan,

Would it make you feel better if I said that I didn't care? I know you're into that whole sadomasochist bullshit. Carl and Judith say hello.

-Rick

Rick,

Tell the kids I said hi! Is Judith walking more? She was pretty mobile last time I saw her. How would you know what I'm into? I'm a classy guy, Rick. So what's supposed to happen with the Kingdom and Hilltop. When I said we could make peace I didn't mean I was just gonna stretch my neck and accept whatever they gave me. That girl from Hilltop in particular. Thought she was dead and bam there she is looking ready to kill. A little heads-up would have been fan-fucking-tastic.

-Negan

Negan,

Judith is running now. Unsteady, but running. Maggie, understandably is not interested in anything you have to offer and neither is Ezekiel. Too much bad blood. Ezekiel did say that taking you out of your authoritative position would be beneficial, but I think he understands that you won't budge. You need to work with him, he might be willing to listen if you offer him something as retribution. It's too late for Maggie and you know why.

-Rick

Rick,

Yeah I guess I do. I know it's a package deal with you, the Kingdom and Hilltop. If I'm being completely honest I really couldn't give a flying fuck about them. Just you. Just Alexandria. I'm tempted to offer you a deal. You and I, both our communities working together. We'd be king shits and no one would fuck with us. But I know you better than that, don't I? You'd never turn your back on them and I couldn't (illegible scribbling) I could never force you.

-Negan

Negan,

I guess you are learning. I heard you sent supplies to Hilltop and the Kingdom. Thank you for trying. I figured Maggie would refuse whatever you offered her. The Hilltop is out of negotiations and so is the Kingdom. What now?

-Rick

Rick,

Either way, I'm done with them. They're free or whatever. Can't offer them much anymore anyway. I get it. Now, my main concern is you and Alexandria. What do you need from me? What do you want me to do?

-Negan

Negan,

You've never asked me my thoughts on shit like this before. I'm honestly not sure what you want me to say. You said you're freeing Hilltop and the Kingdom. You released Daryl and the other prisoners. You're actually helping rather than stomping. I can only say, do what you know is right. Make reprimands. Build bridges rather than just burning them. If you can do that, then maybe we can reach something. I've done things that still (illegible scribbling) I've done shitty things and I can't forget them. Things that I never would have dreamed of. If I can force myself to move forward, so can you.

-Rick

Rick,

Okay, screw it. Here's the truth. When I was drunk and wrote you that I had been married I said she got sick. She was really sick. She had cancer and for the last year of her life I watched her slowly fade away. She died when this all started. Once my world ended, the whole damn world ended too. She came back and I was too much of a fucking coward to end it. I could see it in her eyes. You know those damn Walker eyes. It wasn't my wife looking back at me. She was long gone. So I ran. I found the bat and named it after my wife as a reminder. I needed to remember who I failed and what I needed to become to survive in this shithole. I was a bastard before this all began. I lied and I cheated on Lucille, but I loved her, Rick. I loved her so fucking much. That night I met her at the bar where she was wearing some god awful cheetah print leggings and belting out Cher, I knew I knew I loved her. I cheated on her and I fucked up, but I loved her. I wish I had told her that more often. I didn't think I could ever love anyone or anything like I had loved her. But then I met you. And you fucking wrecked me.

I'm not a good person, Rick. I'm a monster and I know it. I owned it like that asshole kid stomping on the anthill. But something about you made me weak. Made me want to be better. I'll give it up. I'll give all this shit up if it means you would sleep better at night. Is that what love is? Wanting better for that one person even if it gives you nothing in return? I would have died for Lucille, but then she would have been stuck in this fucking world and it would have destroyed her and (illegible scribbling) She went out thinking the world was still good and all that shit.

And now there's you. You with your fucking cowboy boots and scowl. I liked bringing you down. I fucking loved knowing that I took down that badass of a man and made him my bitch. It made me feel powerful. The biggest fucking kid on the anthill. But those eyes...those fucking eyes of yours. Prettiest damn eyes I've ever seen. I started seeing them everywhere. Everything was suddenly blue, like your eyes. This sounds like sappy high school bullshit, but it's true.

I know the world is shit. I know we both have done fucked up shit to survive. That was always my issue. I didn't want to survive. I wanted to fucking live. You made me feel like I was living. I had my power, my wives and everything I needed. But you still managed to fuck with me and I wanted you more than anything. I don't know what I would have done if I actually had you. (illegible scribbling) Like a fucking child. Shows how much I actually know, right? That kiss fucked me up, Rick. I knew you wouldn't want to keep it going after the fact but having you on me like that, it just felt right. I know I'll always love Lucille, but isn't it human nature to be able to love more than once in their life? She'd want me to move on already, get laid, get rid of the fucking...(illegible ink splatter) just get rid of the bat. Bury the hatchet or the bat in my case and move forward. I'll have Arat bring you the letter. I think its' time I let Lucille go. Please reply whenever you can.

Love, with all my damn heart, Negan

Negan,

You actually got rid of Lucille. I read your letter, over and over, but it felt like the words just weren't matching. Like I was reading a different language or something. Then you came over, without a bat and looking like you didn't know what to do with yourself. You loved your wife. I can understand that. I remember how messed up I was after Lori. I saw her everywhere after. I thought I was going crazy. Her and I had been going through shit before everything happened. The Walkers jut made it more complicated.

I guess I should come clean with a few things of my own. I got shot before the world went to shit. I had been with my partner Shane on patrol and there was a car chase, long story short, there were two people in the car and we didn't know until I got hit. It left me in a coma and when I woke up, the world was a mess. Shane had barricaded me in my room so nothing could reach me. He thought I was dead and he still (illegible scribbling) He-(illegible scribbling) He looked after Lori and Carl, got them to safety. He saved them while I couldn't. He was my best friend. Since we were kids. He always looked out for me. He was my brother. My biggest regret. They thought I was dead. I don't blame them. I finally woke up from the coma and the everything was messed up. I finally managed to find them. I can't describe what it was like to see them again. To see and hold Carl again. Shane and Lori thought I was dead. They only (illegible scribbling) Judith ain't mine. I can see it in her eyes. Shane's eyes. It doesn't matter. Biological or not, she's my daughter and I want her (illegible scribbling) I want her to live.

I came back and things started to move forward. But something in Shane changed him. Changed me. He got violent, dark in ways that he had never been. It wasn't my best friend with me anymore. He loved Lori. More than I had thought, and me coming back pushed him away from her. He (illegible scribbling) Eventually, it led to him and me in a damn field with him pointing a gun at me. He was gonna kill me. He wanted Lori and Carl and I was in the way. I talked him down. I had him start to lower the gun and I (ink splatter) I killed him. I killed my best friend. My brother. I still see him sometimes, too.

I fucked up, Negan. I did things that I'm not proud of and I still see their faces when I sleep. The world's a mess and somehow I'm alive while better people aren't. You were...this force of nature. You came in and (illegible scribbling) I killed your men and Glenn and Abe died for my mistake. They were good men. It should have been me. I hated you. Thought you were this monster coming to kill us all. Now, I'm just so damn confused. You looked after my kids. You're helping us and making reprimands and you're suddenly human. You said you loved me and I'm afraid I migh- (illegible scribbling) I don't know what I can do. I want us to move forward. I don't want war. Just peace. You said you were willing to try when you were here last night. When you left, you kissed me goodbye so gently, like you thought you would break me. Holding my face like I was something precious. I've never been held like that before. Not since Michonne who I still love, but know there's no future and not since Lori. I want to try. I want to believe you and I (illegible scribbling) I think I can eventually take that hand you keep offering me. It will take time. We both have things we need to work on. But, I wanna move forward. For Carl, for Judith. For all of us. Maybe we can. Life ain't dead yet. We're not done yet.

Love, Rick