The Hopeful Shut-In and the Convenience Store of Despair

I wish I was normal.

That's the thought that rears it's ugly head almost daily in my mind. People take normal for granted, in my humble opinion. Whether it's the luxury of being able to hug your parents, or the honor of going out with a group of friends… More often than not, people seem to ignore what should be appreciated.

I continue typing away on my laptop, working on my most recent program contract. This skill is something I've had for as long as I can remember- Dad worked as a programmer, and he taught me all the basics when I was a little kid. Since then, my skills have only grown, and I'm often sought out by different companies asking me to create and manage software for them.

It's an easy way for me to make a living. Not only does it pay pretty well, but I don't have to go meet anyone face to face; I can just communicate through e-mail and be done with it.

Even saying that though… I've turned down a number contracts because of the sole fact that they wanted to meet me in person. Most of them were baffled; why wouldn't I be able to attend a single meeting? What's so difficult about talking over a cup of coffee? I never gave a proper explanation to any of them, but the fact of the matter is…

I, Chihiro Fujisaki, aged eighteen, am a shut-in.

I order almost everything I need to live offline, I work from home, and I dropped out of high school two years ago. I haven't gone any farther than a mile away from my tiny complex in a long time. If I had it my way, I wouldn't leave it period.

The world is too cruel of a place for someone like me to live in it.

I stand up from my desk and stretch my arms high above my head. Another program finished, and another customer satisfied! I grab my now empty can of soda and walk into the kitchen, tossing it into the recycling bin with a thunk. I survey my tiny apartment, looking over the area with pride. In spite of my shut-in status, I can't bring myself to let this place fall into disarray. There are too many happy memories here for me to just let it go.

Looking towards the clock, I sigh. It's almost seven.

"That project took way longer than I expected it to." I turn and walk into the bathroom, deciding to make myself look decent. "I promised the landlady I'd drop the rent off today. I absolutely can't go back on my word."

This is one of the two reasons I have to ever leave my apartment. The landlady was kind enough to let me stay here on my own after everything that happened, but she made me promise to pay the rent in person every month. Since I didn't want to abandon my long-time home, and since no one in their right minds would usually rent to a sixteen year old, I had no reason to refuse back then.

I straighten out my collared shirt and skirt, and then quickly brush out my hair. I do my best not to look directly at myself in the mirror as I make myself look decent- I actually can't stand the sight of myself half the time.

After all, it's not normal for a boy to look like I do.

I finish my business in the bathroom as quickly as I can and make my way to the front door. Sliding on my shoes over my socks, I take a deep breath to steel myself, opening the door a crack to see if any of the other tenants are around. Thankfully, the area is deserted.

I take a step out of the apartment, checking one last time for any neighbors. It's not that I dislike any of them, it's just that… I can't bring myself to talk to them. Since I don't want to appear rude by ignoring them or embarrassing myself in a confrontation, I do my best to avoid them all-together. I hurry down the two flights of stairs that separate the landlady's ground floor apartment and my third-floor apartment, once again keeping an eye out for any other tenants. I breathe out a sigh of relief once I make it to her door, giving it a few small knocks.

Not missing a beat, the landlady opens the door and smiles at me. "...Oh! Hello young man- here to drop off the rent?"

"Y-Yes ma'am…" Saying this, I hand her the check.

"Perfect! Now then, since I have you, are you eating well?" She pats my shoulders and sides. "You don't seem to be losing weight. I'm glad."

"I've been making sure I eat at least twice a day." I blush at her behavior. This happens every single month; I know she's just trying to keep an eye on me, which I appreciate and all, but it's still just a little weird. "You don't need to worry about me ma'am, I'm just fine."

"Chihiro, I've known you since you were a little boy." She tuts. "You really ought to come to dinner some time! Even though you're eighteen, you clearly still have growing to do… and that won't happen if you don't eat!"

"I-I'm pretty sure if my growth spurt hasn't come by now, it never will…" I shake my head at the woman. It's the same conversation each time. "Anyway, I was just about to grab something from the store, so if you'll excuse me…"

I give the landlady a polite wave and turn away, heading towards the road. It's only a short walk to my destination; the second and final reason that I ever leave my apartment.

Mono-Mart. A small convenience store that's been a blessing to me these past two years. The mascot is a strange two-toned bear, and the owner herself is even stranger than that. Even though she's a few years older than me, I guess you could say we're childhood friends… in a way.

The doors slide open in an almost welcoming way, and I walk inside, breathing a sigh of relief that nothing happened on the way over-

"God, you crazy bitch!"

Oh dear.

A girl with long black hair storms past me, throwing a black and white apron on the ground as she does. She rounds back inside, pointing an accusing finger towards the woman behind the counter.

"Best place to get part-time work my ass! Where the hell do you get off treating your employees like that!?" She's practically screeching in my ear, so I take a step away from her. "To think you called my parents and told on me…!"

"Hey, it's not my fault you were an idiot who tried to be sneaky." The blonde woman lazes around the counter, inspecting her perfectly manicured nails out of boredom. "I was trying to confirm your schedule, and they just so happened to inform me that you weren't actually sixteen. What did you expect me to do?"

"That doesn't mean you go to my school and hand out fliers that say I'm a lying idiot!" She screeches. "You're a psycho! A nutjob! I'm telling all of my friends to stay away from here from now on!"

"Good." She raises her gaze from her nails to the girl, piercing blue eyes stunning her to silence. "I don't need any more slackjawed shit-for-brains running around this joint, capiche? I need decent workers, and semi-decent clientele. Now get lost."

The girl's face turns scarlet in anger, and she sweeps out the door, a cheerful ding the only signal that she was ever in the building to begin with.

I approach the counter, cautiously approaching the blonde. "A-Another one bites the dust, then… Sorry Junko."

The blonde stands to full height, flipping the bird in the direction the girl left in. "God, what a fuckin' pain…! This totally sucks major dick! I'm tired of all these losers looking for easy work! This isn't even my real job, dammit…!"

Which is accurate, to say the least. Junko Enoshima had opened this store on a whim a few years ago, and now it's one of the biggest chain convenience stores in the country. She's actually a really successful model… but she does random nonsense like this all the time because she gets bored extremely easily. Even though all of the other locations of Mono-Mart are doing really well… she's having trouble keeping this store afloat.

Mostly because it's the one she personally owns.

"D-Did you really make fliers like that?" I question. By way of answer, the buxom blonde simply points to a stack of fliers on the counter. I walk over and look at the one on the top of the stack- sure enough, she has a picture of the girl and her name on it, accompanied with the short blurb:

"LYING IDIOT ALERT. DO NOT HIRE, DO NOT APPROACH. CONFIRMED TO BE LAZY AND EXTREMELY STUPID."

"...Was this really necessary?" I turn and look at the woman, who is currently stretching her arms high above her head. "This could really damage your reputation, you know."

Junko simply shrugs, whipping out the pair of fake glasses she keeps on her for whenever she wants to seem smart. "A calculated risk. I've gone ahead and handed these out to the rest of the establishments in the area; as you're aware, the government takes child labor laws very seriously. I'm certain they'll thank me later."

"...R-Right." I turn away from her and head towards the coffee machine in the back of the store. This is the real reason I come here- the coffee they serve is so good, and so affordable, that I can't help but want to grab a cup every day. I start up the brewing process and let out a small sigh of content as the area begins to fill with that wonderfully familiar scent.

"Well then, now that all the unpleasantries are out of the way…" As expected, Junko has made her way behind me, and is currently pressing her breasts into the back of my neck, resting her chin on my head. "When is my little crossdressing coffee addict going to break down and finally take that management job I've been offering them?"

I simply sigh at her proximity, used to her antics. "Never. You know I wouldn't be able to do it."

"Nonsense, my widdle geek!" She takes her head off of mine and spins me around so that I'm facing her. "You're supes smart! Totes! For realsies! I just know you'd be able to handle the books and all that jazz!"

"Y-You and I both know that isn't the issue!" I turn away from her and back to my coffee, which is still being dispensed out of the machine.

"Oh boo-hoo, so you were ran out of school for looking like a broad and not correcting anyone. That's not an excuse to not speak to anyone new ever again!" She grabs my shoulders and spins me to face her again. "Now is the perfect time to address your anxiety! Expanding your horizons and blah blah blah! It'll work; Dr. Phil says so!"

"I seriously doubt that he had the "blah blah blah" in there!" I sigh. "Junko, do we need to do this every time I come in? Why don't you have someone from one of the other locations come over here and manage the store so you can go do whatever?"

"Be-cause, that's a lot of work. Lots of paper, lots of meetings… you know that ain't my scene, Chihiro!" She twirls around one of her twintails with her finger as she speaks. "It's so much easier just to strong-arm you into taking the job so that I can go do other things!"

"So straightforward…!"

"C'mon Chihiro, it'll be fun!" Junko continues, walking beside me and draping her arm over my shoulder. "Big sis Mukuro is already here as a regular employee during the morning shift, and she's even more of a social retard than you! With your powers combined… we'll have one whole functioning person working here!"

"That's not how that works!" I rub my face in my hands. "D-Do you seriously think that's even convincing at all?"

Junko puts a hand to her chin and taps it in thought. "Well… We do have a somewhat normal part-timer that's here Monday through Thursday in the afternoon… What if I just go ahead and schedule you with him? He's too dumb to actually manage, but he could definitely handle the customers!"

"I already told you, I'm not interested." I grab my cup and start walking towards the counter.

Junko rushes in front of me, causing me to walk into her. By some miracle, my coffee remains unspilled. "You seriously wouldn't have to interact with any of the customers though! What if I throw in a twenty-five percent store discount? A free cup of coffee a day? How about I let you bring down your computer stuff so you can geek at work!?"

I move around her and stop in front of the counter. "Y-You're awfully pushy about it today… Do you have something going on, or something?

"Well, since you were kind enough to ask…" Junko all but skips behind the counter. "I actually have a tour coming up! It's pretty standard stuff, but I really can't afford to miss it if I still want to keep my iron-grip on the fashion industry. I'd still like to keep that career alive in case one of my many business ventures fails, you know?"

I raise an eyebrow at her. "Oh? When do you leave?"

"Tomorrow!"

I stare at her. "You can't be serious…!"

"As a heart attack, my lovely little geek! I'll be gone for the next four weeks!" Junko bats her eyes at me. "Are you really gonna leave me high and dry with no one to mind the store during the evening?"

"T-This is such short notice, though! You really ought to get someone with experience in here, since they're competent and all that-"

"I knew it… You're so terrible, Chihiro." Junko looks absolutely crestfallen as tears well up in her eyes. "I'm not asking much…. I just need you to be in here when Mukuro can't. Even though she's basically a robot already, she still needs to sleep at some point…"

I know those tears are fake. Junko has always been an incredible actress, and she's not afraid to use crocodile tears to get what she wants. On the same hand though, I'm fully aware about how she isn't lying about being understaffed… If there really are only two people working here, who am I to not help them out?

"..." I sigh, and look down to my coffee. "I'll do it until you get back from your trip. I-I'd feel bad if your sister worked herself to death…"

Junko let's out a whoop and jumps high in the air, tears drying in an instant. "Hell yeah! Paris here I come!" Saying this, she walks out from behind the counter and starts off towards the office. "You can just take that coffee, Chihiro. I need to call dipshit and tell him that he's sharing a schedule with you from now on!"

"Until you get back!" I correct. My only answer is the slam of the office door.

I look down at my coffee and fight the urge to cry. "What on earth did I just get myself into…?"

Standing outside Mono-Mart… I can't help but feel that this building looked a whole lot less intimidating yesterday. It's fifteen minutes before the start of my shift, and I'm absolutely not prepared.

Junko called me this morning from the airport and cheerfully informed me that the guy I'm supposed to be working with was not happy about having supervision in the form of a newbie. He's already been working there for a few months, and apparently was perfectly content working the afternoon shifts alone.

I make a mental note to scold Junko later as I enter the store. She's always been way too comfortable dragging me and her sister around, and she needs to be told that it isn't okay! The ding of the bell signals to the raven haired girl at the counter to my arrival.

"Welco- Oh, Chihiro." Mukuro nods towards me in greeting. She and her sister really don't have very much in common in the looks department other than height; Mukuro's slate grey eyes are much more cool and calculated than her younger sister's, and her skin is an almost deathly pale. "I appreciate you coming to help us on such short notice."

"I-I only accepted because I was worried for you." I shake my head and head behind the counter next to her, setting my laptop bag off to the side. "I'm really only here to help with the books anyway, so…"

"Any help is seriously appreciated." Mukuro sighs, scratching a freckled cheek. "Sis barely does anything constructive around here… she likes to say her job is purely administrative, but in reality she just likes to make trouble."

I laugh a little. Mukuro has always been the quieter of the two siblings, which I honestly appreciate a lot. It makes her easy to talk to. "I wouldn't put it past her. She basically admitted to running you ragged last night."

"I won't confirm or deny that." The girl stretches her arms high above her head. "I'm guessing Sis didn't tell you anything about the job?'

I shake my head. "She basically told me when to show up over the phone and said you'd give me the rundown."

"...I figured." Mukuro rubs tiredly at her eyes. "Listen, I hate to do this, but Mondo is going to be the one training you. I have an appointment I can't exactly break. Are you… okay with that?"

I gulp. "I… I have no choice, right? I mean, I'm going to be working with him, so I'm going to have to… talk with him. It's better to get used to him immediately…"

Mukuro regards me for a moment before nodding. "Just… don't be afraid to call me if things get too hard for you, okay? I know Sis pressured you into it, so…"

"I-I'll be fine!" I puff my chest up, trying to show confidence. "Junko even said that I don't need to talk to the customers! I'm sure I'll be-"

"Hey Mukuro, has that new guy showed up yet?"

I freeze mid-sentence. The other employee is already… here.

Oh god.

He walks out from the back, wearing a plain-white tank-top and what looks like a school's uniform pants. Not only is he extremely tall, but he's also muscular, to the point where he looks downright intimidating. If that wasn't enough on it's own, his partially bleached hair is styled into a pompoudor.

Simply put… he looks like a delinquent.

A delinquent who just saw me.

"...Oh, sorry." He scratches his head. "Didn't realize you were talkin' to a friend, Mukuro. I'll just go to the back room and wait for the dude to show."

"No need." She says simply, gesturing for me to follow her. Nervously, I step out from behind the counter, facing this intimidating man. My heart feels like it's about to leap into my throat at the sight of him. "Mondo, this is Chihiro. He'll be working with us until Junko gets back."

"...He?" The boy, Mondo, simply stares at me. "Mukuro, do you have a screw loose or something? That's a chick."

"No, Chihiro is a boy." Mukuro asserts. "He's a childhood friend of ours. I thought I explained this to you already?"

"You told me about a dude who was your childhood friend!" The boy looks mildly annoyed as he crosses his arms. "Jesus, I thought you were the serious one out of you two broads… cut the crap."

Rolling her eyes, Mukuro simply steps behind me. Without any warning, she reaches in front of me… and yanks up my skirt.

"Mu-Mukuro!?" I screech.

"See?" She asks, nonchalant. "Boxer-briefs. Chihiro is a guy."

I quickly smack her hands away and shove my skirt down, face blazing. "What is wrong with you!?"

"Nothing." The look on her face clearly shows that she doesn't understand the issue I have. "He didn't believe you were a boy, so I showed him. It's fine; you're both guys, and Sis and I have seen you completely naked before."

"When we were kids!" I'm mortified. This is exactly why I should have refused! Junko may be obnoxious, but Mukuro is on a whole new level of socially oblivious! "You don't flash someone's underwear in the middle of a store! That's ridiculous!"

"It's perfectly acceptable to do if it proves a point. Look-" She gestures to Mondo, who is just standing there and staring at us slackjawed. He's totally shocked. "He understands you're a guy now. No harm, no foul."

"No ha-!?"

"Anyway, I need to be heading out." Mukuro salutes me as she turns towards the door, completely ignorant to the situation she just caused. "I'll see you two tomorrow. Goodbye."

She sweeps out without another word. Once my stomach decides to leave it's place in my throat, I take a tentative glance towards Mondo, who is still just staring.

Great.

Everything was… quiet, after that point. Mondo showed me how to work the cash register and how to access the books, but he hasn't said anything to me since then. In between working on my own programs and entering numbers into the store's system, I've caught him staring at me.

…Which is exactly why I never tell anyone I'm a man, and why I choose to dress like a girl. It's the reason I had to leave school like I did, and start living in seclusion.

The staring.

Looking at me like I'm a thing, not a person. It's one of the most painful things imaginable.

I can't help how small I am.

I can't help the fact that I look like a girl.

I can't help the fact that, no matter what I do, I'm always the odd one out.

I'm sick of it.

I hate it.

I look down to where my hands are placed on my keyboard. I've started trembling.

Hugging my hands to myself, I try to will it to stop. I have no idea what possessed Junko and Mukuro to tell this guy that I was a boy, but I'm absolutely not going to let it slide when I see them next.

"Uh, hey…"

I'm startled to the point where I almost fall off my chair. Clutching the stool for dear life, I look over towards Mondo.

"Y-Yes?" I squeak. "D-Did you need something from me?"

"Not really, but…." He's leaning up against the wall, looking completely relaxed. The store is quiet at the moment, with only a few people browsing the isles. "I've been wondering this for a while… what the hell is your deal?"

I flinch. "M-My deal?'

"You've been quiet all day." He says flatly. "I get that what Mukuro did was fucking weird, but that's no reason to clam up like that."

"I-I…" I look away. "I'm sorry…"

"Hey." He circles around to the front and crosses his arms at me, not letting me escape. "I didn't ask for an apology, I want an answer. Why the hell haven't you said anything to anyone? You didn't even approach any of the customers."

I feel a rare bit of anger flare up in my gut, but I quickly quash it. "Y-You didn't exactly say anything either… and I-I'm only helping Junko and Mukuro with the administrative work. Didn't they tell you that?"

Mondo clicks his tongue and turns away. "Whatever. I dunno why you're being so anti-social, but I guess it's none of my damn business at the end of the day."

Which it isn't.

…It isn't, but…

"I-I… I'm not really used to… this… anymore."

I slap my hand over my mouth. The words came out on their own, without any regard to what I was feeling. They were quiet, almost a whisper, but he seems to have heard them none the less.

Mondo turns back to me, apparently surprised that I answered him. "Not used to what?"

"Being… out." I clarify. My heart is beating rapidly in my chest, to the point where I feel like I'm going to pass out. "Junko and Mukuro may not have mentioned it, b-but… I'm a shut-in. I-I usually only leave my apartment if it's to pay rent… or to come here."

"No shit?" He asks, eyebrow raised. There isn't any malice in his tone, and he seems to be genuinely curious. "Why?"

"W-Why?" I feel my face scrunch up. "You… see me, don't you? How I look? A-And Mukuro… showed you that."

"Yeah?" Mondo looks seriously confused. "So you wear a skirt. What's the problem with that?"

Now I feel confused. "W-What isn't the problem with that? Boys don't look like I do! O-Once people find out, they…" I shake my head, another wave of anxiety-induced nausea hitting me like a ton of bricks. "I-I saw you staring at me anyway. T-That look… pretty much sums up why I dress this way. I'm perfectly passable as a girl, so-"

"What a load of shit!"

I start at the sudden sharpness in his voice. "E-Eh!?"

"I'm tellin' ya that's a load of shit!" He all but yells. A customer who had just walked in the door promptly turns around and leaves. "Two things- first off, I wasn't fuckin' staring cause of your looks, alright? I could give a shit about that- what bugged me more was that."

He points directly to me, or more specifically, my hands. "W-What about them-?"

"It's the shaking, dimwit." He sighs and scratches the back of his head. "I kinda understood it after Mukuro went full retard, but it just kept going hours after she'd left. You practically started vibrating every time someone looked like they might breathe in your damn direction! I was tryna figure out what caused it, but I guess I got my answer now."

"O-Oh…" I suddenly feel a little sheepish. My mind had suddenly jumped to that, so I hadn't even thought…

"Second!" Mondo's voice cuts through any other thoughts I could have had."Who the hell cares if other people look at ya funny? You are how you are, and nothin' is gonna change that! Why be ashamed of something that ain't even bad? That doesn't make any damn sense!"

"H-How is it not bad?" I ask, feeling close to tears.

"You hurtin' anyone? Like physically?"

I shake my head.

"You using your looks to swindle losers out of their money?"

I feel my face contort in horror. "Wha- No!"

"Then there's nothin' wrong with how you are! I get that bullies suck dick and all that, but you shouldn't hide in a skirt because of your face." He smirks, placing a hand down on my head and ruffling my hair. "You need to learn to chill out a bit, kid."

"I-I'm not a child!" I feel my cheeks puff out a bit in indignation. "I'm eighteen. A legal adult!"

His hand freezes on my head. "…What month were ya born in?"

"March." I answer. His face contorts into a scowl. "What? W-What's the issue?"

"Older than me by a few months… pah!" Mondo removes his hand from my head, and if I didn't know any better, I'd say he was pouting.

The almost ever-present knot in my stomach dissipates slightly as I hop off the stool. I put my hands on my hips and puff out my chest, shooting a nervous smile towards my suddenly far less intimidating co-worker.

"N-Now whose the kid, huh?"

He looks down at me, and in an instant he starts laughing. "Ya know, that would have been a lot more convincing without the stutter! I guess we're gonna have to work on that, huh Chihiro?"

In spite of myself… I end up laughing along with him. His boisterous attitude makes me feel… at ease, in a weird way. We end up spending the rest of the shift talking with each other about pretty pointless things, but the entire time we do, I have a single thought running through my head.

This feels… normal.