A/N Last chapter guys. I'm shocked...This has been such a journey. 100,000 words...That's my longest fanfiction EVER.

This fic has actually taken a bit of a different direction that what I had originally planned, but I like it. I honestly hope anyone that has been following and reading has enjoyed it. Thank you for your comments, favourites and follows, guys. I hope some of you will stick around to read my other stuff currently on my profile or follow me for stuff that's coming. :)

DISCLAIMER: This fic contains views/opinions/actions etc that may be controversial. A major part of the story is about cheating, and I just want to say that just because I write about it, there is no piece of me that supports such behaviour. If reading about this type of thing is not your cup of tea, you are free to read something else. Thanks. :) x

"I want to break up."

[19]

Every second of wait was torture for Ed. Never had she known so many thoughts and doubts could pass through her head in such a short period of time.

For a split second she'd convinced herself everything was going to be fine, that her mum would find her admissions perfectly understandable. It had been that split second of confidence that allowed her to tell her mum everything, as quickly as she could and without letting her interrupt. And now, finally silent and with her heart pounding, the confidence slipped away as quickly as it came. The more she had to endure her mum's stunned silence, the more she convinced herself this had been the worst idea she'd ever had.

"Mum?" she asked, tentatively.

What had she been thinking? Her mum was probably appalled, there was no way she would take Ed's admission to not only not loving Derrick, but to loving Roy instead and cheating with him on top of that. She was probably disgusted with Ed. Ed sure was.

After a few more breathing sounds from the phone, Trisha sighed. Heavily – sadly. Ed's heart dropped.

"Oh, sweetheart…"

Ed fidgeted uncomfortably, playing with a loose thread on her bedding. "I'm sorry, Mum."

The guilt clenched in her stomach; she'd never felt this shitty in her entire life. It felt like by cheating on Derrick she'd indirectly cheated on her mum too. It was a weird feeling, and she hated it. She never wanted to hurt her mum. She, of all people, deserved happiness. And yet she didn't have it. All because of their father, who left her alone to raise two young children. Ed was eternally grateful for the love and support she'd gotten in her childhood. She had vowed to herself to give the same love back to her mum, and she'd failed.

Her mum wasn't happy at all, and neither was Ed.

"Why didn't you tell me? That you weren't happy?"

Ed could tell she was close to tears, but was holding them in. Ed hated that too. She always used to do it when she and Al were little; hold in the tears until night time when they were asleep. Ed could always hear her sobs, and she didn't want the same to happen because of her.

Ed sighed, frowning. "I wanted you to be happy."

She heard a small sob, and Ed didn't think she could ever hate herself as much as she did in that moment. Her heart clenched, to the point where she found it hard to breathe. Her eyes welled up, but she wasn't going to cry. She didn't deserve that relief.

"I'm only happy when you're happy, sweetheart."

Before Ed could think up a reply, she was speaking again.

"I love you so much, Ed. I don't want you to be unhappy with the person you're with. I thought Derrick was perfect for you; he treats you nicely, he listens, he cares. He's the ideal man I wanted, someone to be there for me. I thought you'd wanted the same."

Now she was full on sobbing, and Ed frowned at the floor, listening to her mum's sobs while the guilt tore her insides apart. Her mum was right; Derrick seemed like the perfect boyfriend. A prefect relationship. But she wasn't a perfect girlfriend, so there could be no perfect relationship. Ed didn't know why Derrick's endearing qualities weren't attracting her. She didn't know why Roy, the annoying asshole who insulted her and had been rumoured to have flirted with the entire female population, attracted her instead.

She didn't know why or how she'd fucked up, but it happened. And now Roy made her happy instead of Derrick.

"I know mum, I just – I don't know I just don't feel the same way with Derrick. I'm sorry I've disappointed you…"

"Oh, sweetheart." After a shaky breath, she continued. "I'm sorry too, I was so scared you'll end up like me, my instincts took over and I wanted to make sure you'd marry a good man. I know you can't control love, trust me, I know. Which is why I was so scared. This Roy person, does he treat you well, does he love you?"

Ed took a deep breath, her hand clenching around the cord of the phone. "Yeah, he loves me."

It felt weird saying that.

And yet it felt right.

"Can I meet him?"

Ed shifted uncomfortably. She didn't know if her mum's mind was thinking marriage already. She had grown up differently than people in Central and, never having lived outside of Resembool, she wouldn't know that.

Roy didn't want to marry her, at least for now. She was sure of that. But would he object to meeting her mum? He said he loved her…That had to mean he was open to stuff like this, right?

"I–I'll have to talk to him about it."

A few seconds of silence, which Ed interpreted as minor disagreement, but her mum didn't voice it. "Okay, sweetheart. I…If you think he's right for you…I can't stop you."

Ed couldn't believe her ears. Her mum, reluctant as she sounded, was accepting of her and Roy. Her heart clenched, this time in relief. She couldn't wait to tell Roy.

But then she remembered, Derrick. She had to tell Derrick.

And she had no clue how he would react. Having avoided confrontation for so long, she didn't even know how Derrick would really react in a heated situation. Even though she wanted to keep it civil, her temper was easily ignited, and, since coming to Central, she'd found out Derrick was a bit of a trigger for it.

Her mum's words repeated in her head. She didn't know how long this with Roy would last, but her mum couldn't protect her forever. She didn't want Ed to experience heartbreak and yet Ed felt like she already had. She and Roy possibly breaking up in the future couldn't be predicted. They could break up, but they could also be together forever. No-one knew, so she had to take a risk.

After that, they talked about mundane little things until Trisha composed herself. Ed didn't want to leave her crying.

And yet she felt relief rushing through her. Finally, she had done it. She was free. It shocked her that only now, when the words were spoken out loud, did she realise how truly trapped she'd been, feeling unable to plan her own future.

When she finally hung up, she could only smile. But she still had one more thing to do, which was weighing heavy on her heart.

She needed to tell Derrick.

She could tell he was confused. Sat opposite her with a cup of tea, he was wondering why Ed had told him they had something serious to discuss. Ed was feeling confident now, however, the talk with her mum enabling her to realise she had in fact made the right decision. This was what she wanted.

And if Derrick didn't want to ever talk to her again, she would be completely fine with it.

She looked him in the eye, silent. He was squirming apprehensively, as Ed had yet to say anything. But she wanted to gather her thoughts, she needed him to understand exactly what went down – she could leave no room for confusion.

So, with a deep breath, she said, "I want to break up."

Derrick merely blinked at her for a few seconds as those words sank in. He frowned. "What?"

Again, Ed thought. She had anticipated that it would come as a surprise to him. They had never, ever, thought or discussed breaking up before. Merely a few months ago, they were talking weddings.

"I don't want us to be in a relationship anymore." She paused, watching as the confusion morphed into horror. "I feel like we've grown apart and, I just, can't imagine my future with you, I'm sorry."

Guilt squeezed at her heart despite herself. Derrick truly didn't deserve this. What she'd done…No-one did. "I'm sorry, Derrick, I know you weren't expecting it, but–"

"Is it because of him?"

Ed pursed her lips. Roy. He meant Roy. But, it actually wasn't all because of him. "Partly, yes, but also Central has changed me now, I want to stay here, study alchemy. I don't want to get married."

Derrick leaned back in his chair, averting his gaze to the floor, till his neatly combed brown hair concealed his eyes. "Have you told Trisha about this?"

She had been expecting this. "Yes, and she supports my decision."

At that, Derrick seemed even more shocked. Ed tried to ignore the guilt – yes, he hadn't deserved anything she had done to him, but he had also been nasty to her. Their relationship wasn't based on love or attraction or care, or anything needed to sustain a healthy relationship. They were together out of convenience.

"So now, are you saying you never want to speak to me again, after all we've been through together?"

Ed sighed. Did she want to keep in contact with him? They had nothing in common anymore, they couldn't talk about school or homework or their lives in Resembool. Ed's life had changed too drastically, even if she said she would keep in contact, that would most likely be a lie, and she didn't want to lie to him anymore.

"I'm not saying I won't speak to you again, but our lives are too different now, I'm not sure there's anything to speak about…"

Derrick huffed, crossing his arms. He was refusing to meet her gaze. He was silent, before he sighed. "I cared about you, you know."

"I know, I'm sorry."

He shook his head. "You're making a mistake…"

She shook her head back, confidently. She knew this was the right thing. "No, I don't deserve you, and you shouldn't want to be with someone like me…"

He looked at her weirdly. Ed decided to just say it. "I…cheated on you, with Roy. I'm sorry."

He just stared at her, wide eyed, shaking his head in disbelief. Then, he stood. He paused, as though too confused to know what to do, but then shook his head again and walked away.

Ed felt disgusting when the action didn't make her feel anger or sadness, but immense relief. She was free. She was free.

She had to tell Roy.

She loitered outside Roy's house, for some reason too nervous to knock. It was a lot later in the day, almost 11pm. There was no excuse for why it took her so long to come. In a way, she was scared of his reaction, so she procrastinated by doing trivial tasks. Till now.

She could see the living room light flooding through the window. Why was she so nervous? Her news was good.

A part of her squeezed with fear, however. Fear that somehow, in these couple of days since Roy confessed to her, he had changed his mind and found someone else. Another part of her was scared she'd knock and find him with someone else...

No, Ed. You're being ridiculous.

The night breeze caressed her face. Breathing in the crisp air, she felt a bit more relaxed. How would Roy react when she told him?

Guess there was only one way to find out.

Gulping, she knocked hard on his door, not letting herself think twice of it.

Roy's footsteps were getting louder as he got closer, and Ed felt anxiety spike in her chest.

Then, the door opened.

Roy looked confused at first, but once his eyes landed on her hunched form, he visibly held his breath.

"Ed. Hi."

Ed was having problems looking at him in the eye. Her heart was beating so fast it was scary. What should she do? Would it be acceptable to just kiss him and hope he gets the hint? She was no good with words.

"Uh, hi. Can we...talk?"

Roy inhaled deeply, and nodded, looking sombre. She wanted to tell him that the news was good, since he looked a bit concerned. But she couldn't get it out. Was any of it good news at this point? She had hurt her mum and Derrick; did she even have a right to be happy about this?

She and Roy walked to the couch, where they sat down. Roy hesitated. "Oh, would you like anything to drink or...?"

Ed worried her lip as he spoke, shaking her head. She turned to him. "I told Derrick what happened."

Roy stared at her. Then nodded. "Okay, and?"

She looked down. "And we broke up."

Roy was silent. Ed hated how this was awkward, it wasn't supposed to be. Why was it awkward?

Stealing a glance at Roy, she realised he was looking at her unsurely still, like he didn't know what this meant. Yes, she had chosen him, dammit! Did she have to spell it out to him?

"How are you feeling now?"

Ed was annoyed. This was not the time to be playing psychologist on her.

"Like I want you to shut up and just kiss me already."

Roy's eyes ballooned wide, before a wide grin spread across his face. Ed couldn't help but grin too, just as he leaned in and captured her lips with his own. She had missed kissing him.

Her hands caressed his clothed torso as his boldly rode up her thighs. His scent was fogging up her brain. She was so in love with him, how had it taken her so long to realise this?

It was scary. So, so scary. Her whole life, she had known in which direction her life was heading. She had known at what stage her life would be at ten years down the road. But now, she had destroyed all of that. And yet, while fear gripped her heart at the possibility of it all going wrong, she suddenly felt a fire ignite inside of her. An excitement about life that hadn't been there before. Whether she was still with Roy in ten years or not, the fact that her life was now unknown was exhilarating.

She couldn't wait to discover it.

A/N Aaand cut! That is it, guys. My longest ever fanfiction to date has been written :D. I think in one of the chapters I'd said that I started writing this in 2017, but I have realised that is actually false...My draft for this was written in 2014, and so was chapter 1! Imagine that...That's insane. Also a bit tragic that it took me years to finish lol. I feel like now that this is done and dusted I can move on to writing another long fic (that will also take me years LOL) that I've had in my mind since I first started writing Fem!EdxRoy. I've also got a shorter fic coming, as soon as I can. :)

Thank you everyone for your support throughout my writing journey. xxx