AN: Initially, this was a completely different chapter, but I wasn't satisfied with it, so I decided to rewrite it. I might include stuff from the original chapter three in later chapters, but it felt a bit soon. I wanted to put Shinsou in the chat this chapter, but I can't make any promises. If not this one, then definitely the next. Anyway, I hope you enjoy, and please let me know what you think! Kitty out.
Warnings: Bakugou and Jirou are Jewish and no one can change my mind on that, not even Horikoshi himself (also Todoroki's brother is a ho, and BakuCamie brotp feels are intensifying)
Chat Names:
Midoriya – SMASHbinch
Uraraka – Urararock
Iida – Iidaho
Bakugou – 420BlazeIt
Kirishima – Dwayne Johnson
Kaminari – dank(i) memes
Ashido – Bubblegum Binch
Sero – serohno
Jirou – Less Bien
Asui – Ribbinch
Hagakure – Invisibinch
Todoroki – Five Peepee Man
Kouda – Ultimate Cinnabun
Mineta – Minoodle
Satou – cook the kiss
Aoyama – twinkle twunkle little star
Yaoyorozu – Yaoyorocha
Ojiro – Wax On, Jack Off
Tokoyami – Tara & bird sciencer
Shouji – Tentacoolio
Camie – #LitBeeyatch
Chapter Three: The Todoroki Thot
Bubblegum Binch: anyone wanna talk about one of todoroki's bros apparently leaving dead birds everywhere?
Five Peepee Man: he's a thot
#LitBeeyatch: nice lmao
Less Bien: khahflfhsa
420BlazeIt: todoroki what the actual fuck
Five Peepee Man: i know you think i'm joking but nope
Five Peepee Man: remember that scandal thing i mentioned? he literally slept with everyone in his year at his school. he's. a. thot.
Minoodle: your brother is my new hero
Five Peepee Man: he has like six people clinging to him at all times and i am 20000% sure he's sleeping with all of them. including the bear.
Wax On, Jack Off: …come again?
#LitBeeyatch: sounds like he will, sooner or later
Less Bien: omfg
Five Peepee Man: you know how some animals like the principal have quirks? well one of his classmates is a grizzly bear. with human intelligence. i've met her a couple times she's pretty nice once you get past the inevitable bone-chilling terror of having a 350kg mass of nigh-unstoppable destruction in your house
SMASHbinch: your brother slept with a bear.
Five Peepee Man: i can't guarantee it but i'm pretty sure
Ribbinch: pardon my french but
twinkle twunkle little star: :/
Ribbinch: what the actual fuck
Urararock: to be fair, tsu, you're a frog
Ribbinch: you got me there
Yaoyorocha: iida is just sitting on the floor staring blankly at his phone what's going on
Five Peepee Man: i told them about toukan
Yaoyorocha: oh my goodness
Dwayne Johnson: bet i can guess what his quirk is
Five Peepee Man: it's a fire quirk
cook the kiss: then why is his name toukan
Five Peepee Man: because when he and his twin were born, dad assumed they'd inherit the quirk of the parent they most resembled. for toukan, it was mom. for hikizu, it was dad. and now toukan has a fire quirk, hikizu has an ice quirk, i've got both, and our sister fuyumi has a headache.
serohno: ok but why'd he put dead birds on your dad's desk
Five Peepee Man: he's very passive-aggressive sometimes
dank(i) memes: only sometimes?
Iidaho: Where does he find all these dead birds? I find this concerning.
Invisibinch: why, do you wanna put dead birds on his dad's desk too?
Iidaho: Of course not! I would never engage in such inappropriate behavior!
SMASHbinch: iida isn't passive-aggressive at all lmao
SMASHbinch: unlike SOME people
dank(i) memes: lskfkjlsaih miDORIYA
Yaoyorocha: no iida has a good point where'd he get the birds
#LitBeeyatch: there's a dealer in mie prefecture
Urararock: it's true i'm the dealer
Ribbinch: please stop selling dead birds to todoroki's bear-fucking thot brother
twinkle twunkle little star: this chat was a mistake you're all cancelled none of you are free from sin
Ultimate Cinnabun: we should go over to class b and talk to shiozaki because all of you need jesus
420BlazeIt: can it, shiksa
Less Bien: bakugou that's kouda
420BlazeIt: *can it, shegetz
Less Bien: no kouda's nice we like him
420BlazeIt: **can it, goy
Urararock: what are those words
420BlazeIt: i'm jewish
Less Bien: same
Less Bien: anyway "goy" is someone who isn't jewish and "shiksa" is the same but rude
Less Bien: and for girls. "shegetz" is for guys
cook the kiss: i didn't know there were jewish people in japan
420BlazeIt: there aren't we just astral project over from our homeland of jew town :/
Ultimate Cinnabun: so… everyone needs jesus except you two
420BlazeIt: yeah
Ultimate Cinnabun: you need moses
Less Bien: he's not wrong
420BlazeIt: no i need david
420BlazeIt: gonna beat the villains with slingshots eat rocks motherfuckers
Five Peepee Man: i called my brother to ask about the birds and he just started laughing maniacally and then hung up what do i do
#LitBeeyatch: text "begone thot" and then block his number
Minoodle: maybe he gets them from the bear. do bears go after birds?
Yaoyorocha: depends on the kind, i think. what kind of birds were they, todoroki?
Five Peepee Man: do i look like a bird sciencer to you
Dwayne Johnson: "bird sciencer"
dank(i) memes: "bird sciencer"
serohno: "bird sciencer"
Wax On, Jack Off: "bird sciencer"
Tentacoolio: tokoyami
Tara: no
Tentacoolio: please
Ultimate Cinnabun: do it
Tara: i hate all of you
-Tara has changed names-
bird sciencer: wake me up inside
twinkle twunkle little star: dios mio!
Invisibinch: isn't that spanish?
twinkle twunkle little star: what so just because i speak french i'm not allowed to know spinich?
twinkle twunkle little star: sPANISH I MEANT SPANISH
bird sciencer: join me in hell, spinach man
Urararock: pop-eye doesn't belong in hell you fool
bird sciencer: you don't know that
bird sciencer: YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT HE'S DONE
Bubblegum Binch: what's he done?
Minoodle: misled the general public on the health benefits of spinach, for starters
bird sciencer: true but why do you know that
Minoodle: i always get distracted when i'm googling stuff so i know lots of random trivia
dank(i) memes: such as?
Minoodle: americans make up around four percent of the world's population but own 42% of the guns in the world
Minoodle: fanta was made in nazi germany
Minoodle: in brazilian restaraunts they serve soup first in case someone tries to rob the customers so the women can hide their jewelry in the soup
serohno: seriously?
Minoodle: well that's what i've read
Invisibinch: i would love to go to brazil
Urararock: i wanna go to italy!
Five Peepee Man: i wanna fling myself into the sun
SMASHbinch: todoroki are you ok
Five Peepee Man: i followed camie's advice but i didn't block him
Five Peepee Man: he sent me a selfie of him with a crown on his head and says he's now to be addressed as "his royal majesty king thotticus, lord of the thots"
Minoodle: pro homo but i would marry your brother
dank(i) memes: don't u mean no homo
Minoodle: no i support my gay friends
#LitBeeyatch: noice
Five Peepee Man: half-ice
#LitBeeyatch: b o i
420BlazeIt: don't challenge her to a meme fight she will not lose
#LitBeeyatch: thanks bae 3
serohno: are you SURE you're not dating
420BlazeIt: let her platonically flirt with me in peace
#LitBeeyatch: sexy kidnapping victim solidarity yo
420BlazeIt: ^^^^^
Dwayne Johnson: you two would make out and say it was platonic :/
Dwayne Johnson: just saying
420BlazeIt: it would be tho
#LitBeeyatch: i'd platonically make out w/ u any day lmao
Five Peepee Man: they're just friends
Urararock: how do YOU know :o
Five Peepee Man: i may not know much about romance but i am very good at recognizing the complete lack thereof
Iidaho: Because of your brother?
Five Peepee Man: Sure Let's Go With That
Invisibinch: when our first year started i sorta figured todoroki was gonna be one of those people i'd never have to worry about
Invisibinch: and now i worry about him more than i worry about midoriya
SMASHbinch: i also worry about him more than i worry about me
Yaoyorocha: we've all noticed that midoriya
Wax On, Jack Off: you need to start taking care of yourself man
SMASHbinch: …i know…
cook the kiss: honestly you all need to start learning some life skills
cook the kiss: bakugou and i are the only ones who can reliably cook without a potentially life-threatening disaster
Ribbinch: and midoriya, bakugou, and i are the only ones who know how to use the washing machine
Urararock: the one i'm used to is different leave me alone
Dwayne Johnson: bro why do u know how to do so much stuff
420BlazeIt: i'm fucking amazing and better than all of you that's why
Bubblegum Binch: he can do so many things but he can't talk to other human beings :(
SMASHbinch: i think he's been getting better
Urararock: he's been getting better
420BlazeIt: shut up deku
Urararock: nvm
SMASHbinch: honestly i'm still counting that as improvement from middle school :/
SMASHbinch: I DIDN'T MEAN TO TYPE THAT IGNORE ME
Iidaho: Midoriya, do we need to talk?
Ultimate Cinnabun: iida the last thing any of us want is to get in the middle of That™
Ultimate Cinnabun: let the teachers handle it. or maybe some kind of therapist
Yaoyorocha: seconded
Urararock: thirded
dank(i) memes: forf'd
Less Bien: what the fuck kaminari
dank(i) memes: thirded isn't a word either :/
Minoodle: yeah but "forf'd" looks like the offspring of a fork and that bird pokemon with the leek
420BlazeIt: farfetch'd
Yaoyorocha: Why Do You Know This
SMASHbinch: he has the entire pokedex memorized lmao
420BlazeIt: he says as if he doesn't
SMASHbinch: don't call me out like this kacchan
420BlazeIt: he once drew a picture of himself as a jigglypuff and his mom put it on the refrigerator
420BlazeIt: a million yen says it's still there
Urararock: i support you anyway deku
SMASHbinch: thank you uraraka
Urararock: even if you are jigglypuff kin
SMASHbinch: friendship ended with uraraka now my only friends are all might and todoroki's slutty brother
420BlazeIt: and jigglypuff
SMASHbinch: SHUT UP KACCHAN
SMASHbinch: YOU HAD A SHINY MEDICHAM RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU AND YOU THOUGHT IT WAS A GENDER VARIATION
420BlazeIt: I WAS FIVE
SMASHbinch: FIVE AND DISGRACED
Wax On, Jack Off: we went from todoroki's ho bro to pokemon in under two seconds
bird sciencer: no one in this class is ok
#LitBeeyatch: rip in pieces
Less Bien: no one in this chat is ok
#LitBeeyatch: awwww i feel so included!
Minoodle: wait how'd yaoyorou know about todoroki's brother?
Urararock: all rich people know each other duh
Five Peepee Man: she's been giving me notes whenever i miss class bc of the provisional license thing so we talk sometimes i guess
Dwayne Johnson: just todoroki?
Yaoyorocha: i offered, but bakugou declined
Yaoyorocha: to put it politely
dank(i) memes: dude seriously
420BlazeIt: i don't need her help or anyone else's
Bubblegum Binch: thinking like that could get you killed one day, you know
420BlazeIt: fuck off
Dwayne Johnson: nah man she's right
Dwayne Johnson: i worry about you sometimes bro
dank(i) memes: we know ur independent dude but it's ok to get help sometimes?
serohno: just because you CAN do something on your own doesn't mean you HAVE to
Less Bien: plus there are some things that are literally impossible to do on your own so :/
[Camie à Bakubae]: i know u don't wanna hear it babe
[Camie à Bakubae]: but they're right
[Katsuki à Illusion Girl]: …i know
[Katsuki à Illusion Girl]: fuck
[Camie à Bakubae]: no school tomorrow. wanna grab lunch + chat?
[Katsuki à Illusion Girl]: yeah
[Katsuki à Illusion Girl]: thanks
[Camie à Bakubae]: anytime boo :3
AN: I'm not as pleased as I could be with this chapter, but I like it better than the last one. I'm mostly just annoyed that I couldn't get Shinsou in this chapter. Next time, I promise. Anyway, if you're familiar with my work, you've probably already figured out that romantic ships aren't going to be too relevant here. As for Midoriya and Bakugou's relationship… I'll get to that, but it'll take a while. Also, this might not remain entirely in chat form. Not sure yet, but it's a possibility.
I'm sure some people are wondering why Bakugou is having an easier time opening up to Camie than, say, Kirishima. The reason is partly that they've both been through similar traumatic events, but also because she's not someone he sees on a regular basis. It's sort of like how talking to an online friend can be easier than talking to an IRL friend sometimes. Even if you don't know them as well (or maybe because you don't know them as well), there's something about talking about problems to online friends that just feels… safer. I personally am much more likely to talk to my friend on the other side of the planet about an issue I'm having than the guy who lives super close to me and has been one of my best friends for over a decade. Life's weird like that.
Anyhow, I hope you enjoyed this chapter (and poor Todoroki having to deal with his classmates and wacky family), and please let me know what you think! Kitty out.