Vetra drummed her talons on her desk as she finished watching the vid. A vid she had watched, hoping to get some idea of what to do. Humans were so different from turians...all...soft and squishy.

But, warm. Comforting. Greta to cuddle with….

Okay, that train of thought wasn't going to get her anywhere.

Turning off her vidplayer, Vetra popped a handful of Blast-Ohs into her mouth as she sat back and contemplated.

If there was any one thing that was a universal constant, it was that everybody watched porn. It was probably...no...definitely, was the first request in her blackmarket contacts. And it was still one of the big movers. Hell, it had even been the first request she had gotten when they encountered the Angara. So she though 'what the hell, maybe she could learn something from human porn!'. But, nope. Just like it was with turian stuff, it was all fantasized. Seriously, as if a species would need a penis that big compared to its body mass! Absurd!

In theory she could just go ask Scott, but Vetra wanted to keep a sense of know-it-all mystery about herself. Wouldn't keep that up by asking if her had an ovipositor or something.

Which humans didn't. That would have been...weird. Not deal breaking, but still...weird.

After another few moments of contemplation Vetra finally gave up and opened her omnitool. "Hey, Liam. Do you have a moment?"

"Uhh..yeah, sure," the human came back. "What do you need?"

"Got a couple questions for you. You mind coming into the armory?"

"Be there in a few."

The door closed behind the darker human as Vetra swung her chair around to look at the man. "Show me your genitals," she almost demanded.

"Uh…" Liam's mind blanked as he processed what the turian had said. "Come again?"

"Your genitals," Vetra repeated as she glanced at a datapad on her desk. "Your...junk. Dick. Penis. Schlong? That one's fun to say…"

"Okay, okay!" Liam waved his hands in front of himself desperately. "I get it, I get it."

Turning back to the human, Vetra nodded. "Great. Lemme take a look."

"No!" Liam nearly yelled as he backed into the closed bulkhead behind him. His hands, naturally, went to cover his bits. "Why would you even ask that?"

"I want to know what they look like," Vetra shrugged. "I've looked through human porn, glanced through some medical texts too. But still, seeing some and having you explain it would be way faster and easier."

"I..Why me?" Liam demanded. "Why not ask Ryder? You guys are like, best friends!"

The comment caught Vetra. She felt her mandibles open in a silly smirk as the warm feeling rose in her chest. "Really?" she asked. "You think I'm his best friend?"

"Yeah?" the man's eyebrows raised. "Of course. He takes you everywhere, comes down to talk to you all the time. Hell, you're the first one he goes to when something comes up that isn't medical, ship related or krogan smashy."

"Well, thanks Liam," Vetra nodded. "That's really nice of you to say."

"Great. So...can I go now?"

"Ugh, fine," Vetra threw up her hands.

Liam Kosta, Crisis Response Specialist, and member of the human Pathfinder team. Ran the fuck away.

Stepping into the core room, Vetra closed the door behind her. That was the first thing Gil missed.

"Gil-"

"AAGGHH!" the engineer threw up his hands, jumping so hard Vetra actually took a step back out of surprise herself.

"Jesus," the man panted, a hand clutching at his chest. Presumably where the human kept their heart. "What the hell did I do to you? You damn near killed me!"

"Wow, touchy?" Vetra chuckled. "Sorry. Didn't mean to scare you. I just need to ask some questions."

Now, the second thing Gil missed, was the look in Vetra's eye.

"I suppose," he shrugged. "I just set a diagnostic to run. It'll be about ten minutes."

"Perfect!" vetra clapped her hand together. "More than enough time!"

"Great! I agree" Gill nodded. "Enough time for what?"

"I want to see your genitals," Vetra's fists sat on her hips as she nodded. She was so matter-of-fact about it that it took Gil a moment.

"Vetra?" Gil asked.

"Yes, Gil?"

"Did...you just ask me to drop trou?"

"Umm...no? Mostly because I have no idea what that means."

"You just asked to see my bits."

Vetra nodded. "If that is your penis, then yes."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...Well?" she prompted.

"Yeah, I'm thinking no," Gil shrugged and turned back to his boards, pretending to do...anything.

"Gil…" this time, he did not fail to note the tone of voice she had switched to. It was low. The sub-harmonics came across as an almost purr as the turian laid a hand gently on his shoulder. "Gil, look at me."

He swallowed. "I don't want to."

"Why not, Gil?"

"I'm frightened."

"Well," Vetra leaned closer. Close enough than he could feel her mandible brush his hair. "You remember that two hundred creds you still owe Kesh from that poker game three months ago?"

"Y-yes?"

"I can make that go away, Gil. Like it never happened."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, not only will I take care of the debt, I'll make sure Kesh isn't mad at you anymore. Why...I might even go so far as to make her...happy."

"You're the Devil. Aren't you?"

Vetra frowned.

"Does it...do anything?"

"I...I don't even…" Gil covered his face with his hands.

His red face. Humans were so...weird! She had seen Scott blush every now and again, but it was mostly due to something Jaal did, or said. Angara didn't seem to share some of the same types of boundaries humans did. But then humans had hang ups that she, as a turian, thought were odd.

"Can I-"

"No! You Can't touch it! That was part of the deal!" Gil almost stumbled backwards, but Vetra caught him by the shirt.

"Alright, alright," she sighed as she stood up. "Thanks, I guess."

"You guess?!" Gil asked incredulously. "I can never be a husband now, and you 'guess'?"

Vetra frowned a moment, looking concerned. "Is that really a thing?"

Gil just jerked his pants up indignantly. "No. I'm just really embarrassed."

A look of relief went over Vetra's face. "Oh good. But seriously, thanks for the effort. Maybe T'Perro can give me a bit more information on the biological side. It's kinda wiggley. Not nearly as creepy as in the vids I watched,"

Slapping both hands over his face, Gil whimpered. "Well, that's a shot right to the ego."

"Nah, don't worry about it," Vetra smiled as she clapped a hand on his shoulder. "I won't tell anybody that yours is wiggly."

"Just kill me."

"Blood fills special muscles here," Doctor T'Perro said, gesturing at the diagram. "This makes it erect. When it's engorged like that is can double or triple in size, depending on the individual. There are a few other nuances, some don't grow so much, and others look small until erection."

"Is it still squishy?" Vetra tilted her head as she leaned closer at the diagram.

"The flesh is, more or less," T'Perro shrugged. "Humans are thinner skinned that asari and quarians. A bit tougher than salarians. So, have a human flex a bicep or something, and it is similar to that state."

"Aha!" Vetra dropped her fist into her other hand. "Makes more sense now. Size is...daunting. But I can make it work."

"Need a lubricant? I can make something that is non allergenic for either species."

"Yeah, good idea," Vetra nodded as she tapped a talon on her chin. It was a weird habit that she had picked up from Scott. "Maybe an antihistamine as well?"

"Ah, right," T'Perro nodded as she turned to her terminal. "Turians have a lot of oral work. I'm pretty sure I can make something up. I had a college in the Milky Way that was a brilliant biochemist. Toward the end of his life he seemed to have an interest in helping cross-species coupling."

"Oh, that's sweet," Vetra smiled.

"Yeah, Doctor Solus was quite a character," T'Perro agreed. "He was STG as well. Remind me to tell you the time he used a grain thresher to stop a Cerberus raid on the colony I was working on. It's amazing!"

"Cora!" Vetra's stuck out her arms as she cornered the commando in the kitchen.

"I'm not showing you my vagina," the human deadpanned.

"I...what?" Vetra was taken aback. "Why would I want to see that?"

With a roll of her eyes, Cora leaned her hip against the counter and crossed her arms. "Liam came crying to me right after you tried to get him to show you his penis."

"Ooohhh…" the turian nodded her understanding. "That makes sense. But, no. I was actually going to ask you what to do with the penis."

"Okay, well, this was a fun conversation," Cora sighed as she stood up to leave.

"Wait! Seriously, why are humans so shy about this stuff? I mean, doesn't it generally make things better if you know what your doing? Or at least have an idea?" Vetra was flabbergasted.

Rubbing the bridge of her nose, Cora sighed. "That's a good point. The asari I worked with held similar views. I don't know honestly. It's a weird cultural thing."

"Well...can you help a girl out?" Vetra let a little bit of sadness drip into her tone. "Please?"

Laughing, Cora shook her head and gestured at the seats by the small table. "Fine, I'll give you some tips. Not sure what good they would to you with our different biology."

"Oh! Well, I can show you mine if you want," Vetra gestured to her groin. "Least I could do is give you information back."

"Ha!" Cora slapped a hand over her mouth as her face pinked. "No, no thank you, Vetra. I am strictly into males."

"Fair enough," Vetra shrugged before giving Cora a narrow eyed stare. "You have me curious though. Could I convince you to show me yours at some point?"

Cora gave the turian and incredulous look before giving a ruefully smirk. "Sure, if you get me really drunk first, you could probably talk me into it."

"Works for me!"

"So, yeah, I told him about the basics of how it works," Sid smiled. "I thought it was sweet that he is making the effort."

"It is," Vetra agreed. "Especially after the battle it was to get information from the humans on the crew."

"I bet. Scott seemed super embarrassed. I offered to show him some stuff, but it was apparently a big deal. I even mentioned the sharing custom," Sid started laughing. "You should have seen his face! Ha! It was amazing!"

"Sid, you're a monster," Vetra chuckled. "Did you at least tell him that it's an old tradition that almost never happens?"

With a snort, Sid let her head drop to the table with a soft thud, her body still shaking as she fought to contain her laughter. After a moment she just shook her head. "No...couldn't…" she squeezed out. "Too funny...hah, hah… Besides, I like him. Could be fun!"

"I see," Vetra narrowed her eyes, even if she couldn't keep the amusement out of her voice. "You want to use an ancient marriage ritual as an excuse to have sex with my boyfriend. Did you even look at how humans work?"

"Oh, Spirits, yes," Sid sobered quickly. "It is...worrying. I would definitely wait to see if you survived before asking permission."

Rolling her eyes Vetra gave her sister a look. "You do realize the tradition was for marriage consummation, right? I, love him and all, but not sure if…." Then Vetra's eyes went wide at almost the same time Sid's did.

"Vetra…."

"I didn't mean...I...He…" Vetra tried to argue before suddenly deflating. "No...I think I do. I love him. I want this to work. To be special. I...I've never felt like this before, and honestly...it's kinda frightening."

Smiling, Sid set her chin down on her hands as she watched Vetra for a moment. "I know. I'm pretty sure Scott is taking this pretty seriously as well. And he's great! He's kind. He's strong. He's cute in a soft pink sort of way."

"Yeah," Vetra looked down at her talons for a long moment. "I'm thinking that I might try to cook for him. Humans like something called steak. It's a cut from an earth animal."

"It's not from a cat, is it? Because those things are adorable!"

"No, some large herbivore called a Burger?" Vetra's brow plates furrowed slightly. "No...that's another piece of meat...Ah, who cares. It isn't a cat."

"Okay," Sid nodded as she sat back. "You look into getting the steak, and I'll see if I can figure out how to cook it."

"Awesome, Sid. You are the best little sister ever!"

"I know!"