Category: Twilight

Summary: Life is full of funny twists and turns. Who would have guessed a stop for breakfast would impact so many lives? Whether you like yours scattered, smothered, covered, chunked, or topped, you just might find your destiny at Waffle House. PBJ. Collaboration with happyghost. 1st Pl Public Vote WINNER, and Best Non-Canon in the 2018 For the Love of Jasper Redux Contest.

Title: She Wasn't on the Menu at Waffle House

Author:collaboration with happyghost!

Characters / Pairing: PBJ, Peter/Bella/Jasper

Genre: action, humor

Rating: MA

Beta/Pre-Reader:

Banner by: GeezerWench

Words: total 12,852

Prompt/inspiration: happyghost, Waffle House, and the 2018 For the Love of Jasper Redux Contest

Complete

Disclaimer: Derivative work. I make no money.

A/N: It was a fun contest, and even better working with happyghost! 1st Place Winner in the Public Vote, and voted Best Non-Canon! Thanks to everyone who voted!

happyghost just loves reading reviews!

~WH~

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"Alice." Jasper gritted his teeth so hard he felt like he might break his own jaw as he stared out the bedroom windows into the forest, wishing he were anywhere but where he stood. "Back before Christmas, we talked about me going to check up on Peter at his place in Arizona, and now you're havin' visions of trouble and telling me not to go. What's this about?"

Alice sat in silence smelling a long-stemmed rose, a playful moue on her lips.

"I haven't gone to visit him since Charlotte left in '77." The break-up had been hard on Peter. It changed him. He had withdrawn into himself, and even Jasper couldn't break through his friend's sorrow. In fact, Peter never had told him the reason Charlotte left. He figured he'd tell him eventually after his heart had time to heal.

"Peter could always come to visit you here." Alice's voice rang with the sound of tinkling yet taunting bells.

Jasper scoffed, "The Cullens haven't exactly rolled out the red carpet in welcome."

"You know how I feel about Peter." The moue twisted into a scowl. "He's not good for your control. He's against our way of life and a bad influence."

Jasper leaned his forehead against the glass, wondering if he, too, was against the Cullen's way of life. He was sure he would be if it included fifty more long years of going to high school over and over and over again. "I know what this is about. You want to go to the dance. Don't we spend enough time pretendin' to be teenagers?"

"But, Jazzy," the diminutive girl whined from her place in the center of the large bed. Legs curled to the side, she twirled the rose between her fingers, before bringing it to her nose for another delicate sniff. "You bought me the rose, of course you're going to take me to the dance. I saw we would have so much fun!"

Jasper couldn't suppress the cringe at the unwelcome nickname. He'd even told her some years back he wasn't fond of it, but that only seemed to encourage its use. The more she did it, the more he disliked it. He let out a world weary sigh. "Alice, I always buy at least one of whatever the school is sellin' in their fundraisers, and who else would I give it to?"

"Oh, I don't know." A spark of jealousy lit her darkening eyes. "Who did you give the other dozen roses you bought to?"

A sly smile spread across his handsome face. "You didn't see that? Emmett and I bought 'em and had 'em delivered to our beloved little brother Edward one-by-one." His low chuckle filled the room.

"It's not funny!" Her hand came down on the pale pink, ruffled comforter so fast, she crushed the rose stem, and petals went flying into the air. "Edward was so embarrassed."

"Not funny? It was hilarious. We only bought the first dozen. By the end of the day, he had enough flowers to open his own shop."

She sniffed and turned her back to him. "You shouldn't be so cruel. All day long, everywhere he went, the flower committee kids were walking up to him and handing him roses. It was humiliating. You feel everyone's feelings. You should know that. He has no one and—"

Jasper spun around to face her. "And that's my fault? Everyone loves Edward! All he's gotta do is pick someone, and he's got himself a special little friend. Loneliness solved." He crossed his arms over his chest.

"And we can't forget about the Denali girls. Any one of them would—"

"And did you choose your special little friend from the girls, or boys, who sent you flowers?" Alice glared at him through narrowed eyes.

Surprised, Jasper took a step back. Alice's jealousy was palpable. "You didn't send them?"

Her jealousy quickly morphed into a flash of triumph. "Of course, not." She demurely looked down and smoothed the fabric of her skirt. "It's your job to romance me, not the other way around. So you don't know who sent them?"

"No. I thought you—"

"Okay!" Clapping her hands together, she looked up and smiled brilliantly at him. "I already have the perfect outfits picked out for Valentine's Day at school and for the dance. The corsage you're going to buy for me will be so cute!"

She jumped off the bed and dashed toward her closet, flinging open the door. "For the dance, your shirt and tie will match my dress." She disappeared inside and soon reappeared, holding up a shirt in one hand and a floral print dress in the other. "You can't see my dress for the dance yet. I want it to be a surprise! But I'll wear this dress on Valentine's Day, and you'll wear this shirt." She studied the pale blue oxford with a slight frown. "Maybe the grey one would go with the grey slacks better. No matter! The tie I picked out matches my dress perfectly! We'll have to come straight home from school that day so I'll have time to get ready, and I'm sure Rosalie will ask me to help with her hair." She darted back into the closet. "We're going to have so much fun! Now make sure you remember to hide your accent. It was getting pretty thick today."

She was in the doorway holding up another shirt. "You'll wear this one. You'll need to hunt to make sure there are no incidents, but you'll have to hurry back to take a shower and let me fix your hair and—"

"No."

"And so I can … what?" Astonished, her head snapped up, eyes and mouth wide. "What did you say?"

"I said 'no' Alice. I realize you've never had to deal with it before." He stood in the middle of the room, one thumb hooked in the waistband of the slacks Alice had chosen for him that morning. He was supposed to take Edward's, and everyone else's, feelings under consideration, but no one ever gave a thought to his. He'd been with Alice and the Cullens for decades—tempering their moods, keeping the peace, and not letting the youthful humans' rollercoaster emotions overtake him at the latest school they wanted to go to, and he was supposed to be considerate of Edward's feelings because Alice said so?

"I ain't wearin' the shirt. I ain't wearin' the slacks." He tore them from his own body and dropped them to the floor like trash. "I ain't even gonna buy you a super cute corsage."

Alice blanched at the sight of the scars criss-crossing his chest and arms, and flinched as if she'd been struck each time he repeated the word "ain't" and with every dropped "g."

"Ya wanna know why I ain't doin' any of that? Cause I'm goin to Pete's."

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~WH~

Words: 1152