Chapter 6

Hey guys! I know it's been a while, sorry. I hate writing about Donna sick or any kind of morbid story, that's why it took me a while to write this part. But i hope you are still there and your response will help me finish it. I'll try and update more regularly from now.

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Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul - and sings the tunes without the words - and never stops at all.- Emily Dickinson

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It had been a week since Donna had revealed the news to Harvey. He was still in a fog, it seemed. Quite numb, still. It hadn't sunk in yet, he just felt really numb. He really didn't know where to look, who to turn to for help. He talked to Marcus, his brother had gone through it too and had survived.

It didn't help much. He had never been saddled with something like this before. He had no idea where to start. Not even Donna's time in prison and their run to Canada had felt like this. Because even then Harvey always had a plan. He never stopped until he had tried everything, and he had tried everything to the point of crewing up every friendship he had had, turning them into enemies, just as long as he could have Donna. It had been within his power and control to throw away his life and every achievement he had for her. He had done so and he had never regretted it. He would do anything for his family. He would give his own life for Donna. That he knew he would do without any hesitation. Hell, right now he would beg God to put the damn tumor on him instead. He'd give anything to be in her place right now, because it was certainly worse to be on the other side. To be the one to lose not the one lost. He was selfish that way, he would rather be the one lost than to lose Donna or any of his kids. But fate wasn't kind, and he just didn't know how to deal with it. He would pray but he really didn't know how. He would just be too disappointed if it didn't work. Right now, he was trying to accept the situation so that he could deal, not add hope and faith to the whole thing. It would just hurt too much if it doesn't work. He'd lose whatever little faith he had left, and he couldn't just risk his heart again like that. His only play was to now try and shield his heart as best he could. Denial wasn't faith but, he was rather good at denial. Old habits die hard.

….

Donna wished she had never told Harvey the bad news. She had known he wouldn't take it well, but this was beyond what she had expected. Maybe she should have just gone on lying and hiding, they had been doing quite well enough two weeks ago. Everyone else oblivious of the fact that she was sick and dying. Without the dark cloud of that information, their lives had been perfect. It just took an instant, brought by knowledge, to cover their sun with darkness.

The kids had not been told yet but the trusted few at work had. Louse could almost shed a tear each time he saw her now, threatening to make her prunie, but she would decline politely each time. And no, he would not stop with just a prunie, he came up with all sorts of healthy eating habits; need she mention weird? One could only wonder where he got these ideas. The first day she told him, he had cried and hugged her for so long.

Gretchen had gone through it too and had come out the winner. She was a constant source of strength for Donna, but really, no one case was the same. And hers was said to be malignant. She only had too options at this stage, have surgery and get the thing removed, or just wait to die. The surgery sounded like the obvious option, but it had a catch, of course. Was anything ever easy? The tumor was sitting on one brain cell that could cause serious problems if tempered with. She could still die from the surgery or became a vegetable after that, chances of survival were less than 30%.

She thought she had gained some faith, but it was shaved off each day. Her kids were oblivious that mommy could be dying in less than six months. How could she tell them that? She hadn't told her dad yet. What could she say to him?

But Harvey, God Harvey was the worst for it. Seeing Harvey now, what he had become in a space of a week, made her wary of sharing anymore the 'good news'. He had mopped around for a day or two and then he stopped. He became a statue of some sort. He was there but he really wasn't. Tried so hard to distance his heart from the situation. He'd act all normal around the kids, act like all was still perfect with his world. He'd go to work as usual, play with the kids and avoid her the best way he could. But at night he'd hold her so tight as if he was afraid she would disappear at any moment.

Donna knew what it was, fear. She had it too. His amour was up again, but it was really a damage amour at best. He was trying to shield himself from the blow by trying to keep himself from her, try and love her less, to cushion the blow. At the same time, he couldn't hold on to her tighter if he tried.

But time was moving, and they had a choice to make, which was no choice at all, really. Have the surgery or go on with their short lives as if everything was normal, treasure whatever time they had left just being with each other.

Donna knew which option she would take, spend as much time as she could being with her family. But it was too short. Six months was the shortest time in the world. Having a surgery might give her a longer life or cut it shorter still. Harvey didn't want to talk about it. And she dreaded seeing the pained look in his eyes whenever she tried to broach the subject. But they didn't have a lot of time, it had been a week already.

She didn't want to be greedy, but God, six months was too little time. It was just too short. She looked up,

"Give me strength. Give me strength to accept this. I don't wait too be greedy." She whispered in prayer.

'What colour is it is?!' She could hear Pastor Henry bellowing at her.

'It's white…it's blue…its…" She was frustrated.

'It's whatever colour you want it to be.'

'Right.' She said is frustrated sarcasm.

"Get up and fight! Kick that thing out of your house! It's your house!"

She broke down and cried. She wanted to fight. She wanted her whole life with her husband and her kids for the longest time and six months was not. She wanted to see her kids grow up. She wanted to attend graduations and weddings. She wanted to see her grandchildren. But there was some alien in her body trying to take that all away. And she had no idea how to fight.

God was so great and far away, at least she had always thought that way. Some being too big to be involved in just one person's war when world peace was always threatened. But, Oh Great God, could he be small enough to see her now?

"Oh God", she muttered again; "I need your help. Please be close enough to hear me now."

….

See you in a bit, i hope.