A/N: This prompt is a combination of one sent from AllyC13 on AO3 and one from azrjwni on twitter. Right now, it looks like it'll be three chapters long. :) Lena knows Kara is Supergirl, since this story is basically set in the same universe as my other supercorp fics.
TW for depression.
Lena twisted under the sheets, turning so her nose pressed against the pillow and her face was shielded from the light penetrating the bedroom window. Burrowing more closely into the dip of blankets around her sent warmth through her fingertips and toes, radiating toward her core. A sigh escaped her lips, eyelids slipping closed without protest.
"Lena?"
"Mmh?" she mumbled and tugged the blanket up closer to her nose.
"Gotta get up for work if you want to be on time." Kara sat on the edge of the mattress and it dipped beneath her, sent Lena's body sliding closer.
"Mhmm no," she groaned, flopping onto her stomach. She huffed for a moment, but couldn't suppress the grin that slipped across her lips as Kara peeled back the blanket, laughing at Lena's mussed hair.
"Good morning," Kara said with sunshine seeping from her smile as she bent forward to kiss Lena.
"Morning," Lena mumbled softly around Kara's lips, shifting in bed until she was sitting upright. "I really don't know how you're so awake right now after we were up so late last night."
Kara's shoulder rose and fell in a simple shrug as blush painted her cheeks pink. She looked down, a smile flirting on her lips. "Come on," Kara said finally, bumping Lena's shoulder. "You've gotta get going. Big day for you today, you excited?"
Lena shrugged and her grin wavered.
Kara nudged Lena until she slid over and the blonde sunk down so she was lying next to the other woman. She turned her head so they were facing each other, noses mere inches apart. "What's that mean? What's got you worried? You were so excited for the test run that you didn't stop talking about it at all last week and now…?"
Lena blew out a breath and stared up at the ceiling. "I don't know." She pushed off the sheets.
"Lena," Kara said softly, watching as Lena stood up and started getting ready, changing into the business clothes she'd brought over to Kara's yesterday when they decided to spend the night together.
"It's nothing." Lena swapped a pair of Kara's sleep shorts for a black pencil skirt.
Kara bit her lip, fidgeting with the sheets as she sat up and crisscrossed her legs. The silence ate at her as Lena rummaged through her bag for her bra, back turned to Kara.
"Well," Kara declared after the quiet stretched too long. "I'm still going to make you a really awesome dinner to celebrate the first official trial of L-Corp's newest world—wait, no, galaxy—changing technology."
"Kara, it's really not a big deal. You don't have to make me dinner for this."
The blonde pursed her lips, pulling a pillow into her lap. "Then consider it a dinner to celebrate our one month, three weeks and…" she looked up for a moment, mouth moving as she counted silently. "five days anniversary."
A laugh bubbled forward as Lena finished buttoning her shirt, turning around and losing a battle to the smile that pulled across her face at the sight of Kara hugging the pillow in her lap, sheets gathered in haphazard piles around her legs, bent slightly up toward her chest and beaming.
"Okay," Lena acquiesced.
Kara was glowing with the early morning sunshine casting a halo on her blonde hair. "Perfect! My place or yours?"
"Mine?" Lena proposed. "It's closer to L-Corp."
"It's a date." Kara balanced on her knees to lean forward, press a kiss to Lena's lips. "I'll see you at seven?"
Lena finished securing her hair into a bun and nodded. "You can just let yourself in earlier to get started on things if you need to and I'll meet you there."
Kara smiled, held Lena's hand to steady her as she slipped into black high heels. "I think it's really great what you're doing. Categorizing shared biomarkers to help make medicine more universal to humans and aliens alike? It's brilliant." Kara tilted back to look her girlfriend in the eyes. "Lena, you're brilliant."
Lena's cheeks turned red as she unplugged her phone from where it'd been charging on Kara's nightstand. "Thank you, Kara. But it's really just what I should do, after everything my family's done... If this doesn't work out I don't—I don't know what I'll do."
Kara shook her head. "You'll text me the results of the first trials? I want to be the first to know when Lena Luthor solves the world's problems."
A flash of doubt dropped Lena's gaze before she shook her head and looked back up. "Honestly, a lot might not even happen today, Kar."
"That's okay! Sorry, I'm just excited for you!" Kara walked her to the door. "Just text me updates. If you feel up to it, of course. I mean, I'm sure you'll be busy today with everything, I don't want you to feel like you have to text me. I just want you to know that you can, if you want to, because I'm always up to talking to you about anything really so just… sorry I'm rambling. Just, have a good day, okay? I'll see you later."
Lena laughed softly, pulling the apartment door open. "Thanks, Kara. I'll do my best to text you. Have a good day as well. I love you."
Kara's grin spread impossibly bigger. "Love you, too."
/
When Lena texted Kara in the late afternoon, it was four hours delayed and her response to Kara's gentle inquiring was clipped—a short apology and a promise that nothing of value had happened yet. Then she went silent for another set of hours, while the day turned into night.
"Hey," Kara greeted when the front door opened. She hung back for a moment, trying to read Lena's expression.
When Lena's response was only a murmured 'hi' as she slipped off her coat and stepped out of her shoes, Kara lingered in the threshold between the kitchen and living area.
She gave Lena another moment to fill the silence with details about her day or how she was feeling, but the CEO kept her head down as she carried her heels to her room and dropped them in the closet.
Lena appeared back in the kitchen, rubbing her eyes and walking toward Kara.
"Sorry," Lena said, shaking her head. "I shouldn't have been so short with you. It's just umm, it's just been a long day."
"It's okay." Kara stepped away from the vegetables she was chopping and wrapped her arms around Lena's shoulders. "I'm sorry, too. Supergirl duty called so I'm just now getting started on dinner."
Lena shook her head, dismissing Kara's concern.
"I missed having lunch with you today," Kara said softly.
Lena felt a surge of guilt magnify the sinking feeling in her gut, the dread that had been seeping in for days, infiltrating her defenses. The CEO pulled back from the hug, pressed her lips against Kara's in a kiss.
The blonde stiffened in surprise for a moment before reciprocating with a small laugh, murmuring her girlfriend's name.
Lena curved her thumb to Kara's jawline, tangled her other hand in blonde hair and tried to lose herself in the heat of the body pressed against her own. Her lips knocked against Kara's, her hands as desperate and frenzied as the panic growing inside her.
Their feet tangled, stumbling through a dance toward Lena's room where they bumped into the mattress, slipping onto the bed. Kara's knee fell between Lena's legs, sinking into the sheets as blonde hair slid over Kara's shoulder and tickled Lena's cheek.
Kara smiled, a laugh on her lips but Lena felt her heart drop at the sound. She tensed.
The Luthor pulled back and sat up, brushing her hair out of her face and pressing her fingertips against her temples where her head pounded. "Sorry. I shouldn't have started that if I was going to…I just can't right now, I… sorry, you deserve better than this," she trailed off, looking down as she dropped her hands into her lap.
Kara leaned away, shaking her head and sitting back on her legs at the foot of the bed. She tucked her hair behind her ear. "You don't have to apologize. I don't care about that, I care about you, Lena. What's wrong? What happened today?" Her voice was suddenly firm with worry.
Lena raised her eyes, green meeting Kara's blue and holding for a moment before flitting around the room. "Nothing, it's stupid, I'm—I should have been more prepared, I messed it all up."
"What do you mean?"
"A group of the blood samples got contaminated in storage during the attack last month. The initial reports didn't note any damage in that area of the lab so I didn't think to check it again but I should have, because we couldn't start today and now we have to wait to obtain more samples so that we can perform an accurate cross-analysis between species. I just wish I weren't so careless all the time. I always do this and now with the delay more aliens, more people could be dying of illnesses."
Kara's brows furrowed. "Lena, you're one of the most thorough, meticulous people I know. It's not your fault that someone else made a mistake."
"But I'm in charge, I'm responsible for everything that goes on in my labs and now this is ruined."
Kara reached out, squeezed Lena's limp fingers. "I still disagree with you taking the blame, but even so, it's no big deal, you'll just start again as soon as possible, ya know?" She shrugged, kept seeking out Lena's eyes. "This stuff happens. I believe in you."
Lena forced a smile onto her face. "You're too good for me," she murmured, looking down, more to herself than Kara as a timer sounded in the kitchen.
The blonde stood up and watched Lena's face pinch at the loud noise. Kara hesitated in the doorway, hand coming to rest on the frame. In her apartment the paint on the wood was chipped in some places, worn from game nights and pillow fights and being lived in. In Lena's apartment it was pristine, without so much as a fingerprint smudged on the white. "Lena?" Kara began.
The woman raised her head and Kara continued, "That's not true."
/
Kara dealt with the beeping noise in the kitchen, returned to the bedroom a moment later with Advil and water for Lena's headache. "Lee, are you okay?" Kara asked. The bed dipped as she sat on the edge beside Lena while the brunette swallowed the water before setting the glass on the nightstand.
She nodded. "I'm just tired and today was kind of a disappointment. I'm sorry for freaking out on you."
"There's nothing to apologize for." Kara slung an arm around Lena's waist and pulled her into a hug. "You should change into pajamas or something comfortable and relax for a little bit. You deserve it. I'll come grab you when dinner's ready if you're still in here."
Lena smiled, felt something warm pushing back at the cold tightness in her chest. "Thanks, Kara."
"Of course." Kara kissed her cheek and disappeared out the doorway. Lena flopped onto her bed and blew out a sigh.
/
"Lena?" Kara knocked on the doorframe before peeking in.
Her girlfriend was curled on her side, phone still resting in her open palm. Her eyes were closed, chest rising and falling beneath the button-down she'd put on that morning. The fabric was crinkled now, beginning to escape from the neat tuck into her skirt.
"Lena," Kara tried one more time, whispering. The brunette didn't move, lashes merely fluttering at her cheeks.
Kara shifted her weight on her feet. While Lena's breath was coming the slowest Kara had heard it all day, a crease still formed between her brows and Kara fought the urge to smooth it out with her thumb. Instead, she diverted her fingers to Lena's hair, drawing long lines from her temple down her scalp to the ends of each strand. Lena turned into the touch, a heavy exhale coming from her lungs.
Kara smiled softly through the pinch of worry in her chest.
She let time fall away for a few moments, just running her fingers through Lena's hair and watching as her features softened. Kara glanced toward the kitchen, where dinner was waiting to be served onto plates, then back down at Lena.
A soft thud sounded as Kara eased Lena's phone from her hand and resettled it onto the nightstand, plugging it into the charger, but Lena just twisted in her sleep, heartrate consistent in Kara's ears.
/
"She still sleeping?" Alex asked, voice carrying softly over the phone while she spoke to Kara, three hours after Lena had fallen asleep.
"Yeah." The blonde peered over the edge of her laptop from the corner of Lena's bedroom where she'd curled in a chair, working on an article for Snapper. "But she might actually be waking up. I'll call you back."
"Sounds good. Love you."
"Love you, too."
Kara stood up, setting her computer to the side. "Hey," she whispered.
Lena squinted in the dim light, then blinked as she glanced around the room trying to clear her vision.
"How are you feeling?"
" 'm fine," she mumbled as she rubbed the heel of her palm over her forehead. "How long was I out?"
"A few hours."
Lena's face dropped. "Kara," she whispered, guilt lacing her voice. "You didn't have to stay that long. I'm so sorry, you made dinner and you were being so sweet and I just messed it up."
Kara shook her head. "It wasn't a big deal, really. I used the time to catch up on some stuff for work. I considered waking you up for dinner but you seemed so exhausted earlier that I thought you could use the extra sleep. So I decided to finish an article, but then Alex called so I talked to her for a little bit, and then to Maggie, and then to Alex again—they both say hi, by the way—but, yeah, I wasn't all that productive, either."
Lena laughed softly and looked at her hands. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be." Kara slipped her fingers into Lena's. "Come on, you want to come eat now?"
"Sure." Lena let a smile overtake her lips as Kara tugged her forward.
While they ate, Kara's words washed over Lena, as the reporter went over her day, catching Lena up on all the small dramas of CatCo. Forks scraped against plates in the small stretches of silence between Kara's words, gaps just big enough for Lena to fill if she wanted to. But when the spaces wavered on the verge of being too long, Kara swooped back in with another story, her hand edging just a little closer to Lena each time until it settled on her bouncing leg, thumb rubbing gently as she spoke.
"Done?" Kara asked when Lena put her fork down. She'd been pushing food around for the entirety of Kara's last story, had stopped eating minutes ago.
Lena nodded and thanked Kara when she pulled the CEO's half-full plate onto her own empty one and deposited them in the dishwasher.
"You feeling any better?"
Lena gave another nod, still too quiet, eyes still drooping too low.
"I'm glad," Kara said, smiling at Lena with something she hoped was encouragement, as she came back around to the other side of the counter. "So, I'm thinking a good movie night might help a little, too? If you're up for it." Her eyes were shiny with the reflection of light and her lips were upturned, brows raised hopefully as she pressed onto the balls of her feet. "There are so many good options we could watch. Alex and I have a whole list of movies that always make bad days better so we could pick one of those, or we could watch something else, or, I mean, we don't have to watch a movie. If you just want to hang out, that's cool, too." She took in a full breath. "So?"
Lena's heart sunk, and with it, her head dipped, fingers fidgeting in her lap. "I um," she cleared her throat. "I'd love nothing more, but I still have so much to do for this trial run and I'm—I'm sure you're busy, too."
"Oh."
Lena watched as Kara's features fell and she wrapped her arms around her middle.
"Yeah, um, okay." Kara willed a smile back onto her face. "Okay, I'll see you later then."
"Wait, Kara—"
"No don't worry about it, Lena. I'm serious, it's really okay."
Kara collected her bag and met Lena's open arms, reciprocating a hug. Lena clung for a beat longer than normal, held Kara closer than usual on their parting embraces.
"You're sure you're okay?"
Lena nodded, swallowing the lump in her throat as Kara's hand curled around the door knob.
"I love you," Kara said and pressed a kiss to Lena's forehead.
"I love you, too."
"I hope tomorrow's better for you." Kara lingered in the threshold.
"Me too."
As Lena watched Kara's receding form, her chest tightened and she knew it wouldn't be.
/
"Alex?" Kara's voice carried over the phone, strained in the way it always got when Kara tried to keep too much emotion from seeping into her words.
"Yeah, hey. What's up?" Alex shifted, sitting up on her couch as her half-closed eyes opened. At her side, Maggie raised her head off Alex's shoulder and looked toward her, hearing Kara's voice and feeling Alex's body tense at the tone.
"I think I'm doing something wrong." Wind whooshed in the background of her words.
Alex furrowed her brow. "Okay? What are you talking about?"
"It has to do with Lena."
Maggie and Alex shared a look.
"Okay, and?"
"Can I come inside?"
"What?" Alex squinted.
"I'm outside your window."
Alex rolled her eyes, shaking her head. "Of course you are." Maggie got up and padded over in sock-clad feet, already set in the blonde's direction. "Maggie's getting the window, okay?"
"Okay. Thanks," Kara said as she climbed inside and began pacing through the living room "Sorry to just come over like this, but I had to talk to someone. It's just been kind of weird and I'm so worried that something's wrong and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it so I just thought that I really needed to talk to, like, a person, to you and Maggie really, because you guys are always the best at this stuff and I was thinking—"
"Kara."
She stopped walking circles and looked up. "—huh?"
"What's going on?"
"I was getting there," Kara whined.
Maggie laughed, sliding into a stool at the kitchen counter. "Try getting there a bit faster, Little Danvers?"
Kara huffed and her posture sagged, all energy trickling out of her stance. "Lena's acting different."
"What do you mean?"
Alex slipped into the seat beside Maggie and both of them sat facing Kara.
The blonde shrugged, toeing the ground. "I think… I think I'm overwhelming her. I think I'm just too much of—of everything really, and maybe… maybe I want to spend more time with her than she does with me. I don't know. She's been off for a few days now."
"Have you considered that maybe something's going on with Lena?" Alex proposed, leaning into Maggie's touch as the other woman ran a hand up and down her back. "I mean she's not used to having someone around to support her all the time, maybe she's just going through some stuff and the only way she's known how to do that is by herself."
Kara ran her fingers over the top of the couch, watching as the fabric darkened and lightened with each movement. She was silent for a moment before a deep breath quaked through her lungs. She turned around, head still tilted down. "I just love her so much," Kara's voice cracked and she twisted her fingers tightly together. "I don't want to mess anything up."
"Oh, Kara, you won't." Alex's voice washed over her and then the soft scraping of chair legs on tile permeated the air. "Maybe just give her space for a little while but make sure she knows she can go to you for anything."
"Okay." Kara sniffled and a moment later, Alex's arms were wrapped around her.
Maggie ruffled Kara's hair as she passed by the pair, going to get the hot chocolate that always accompanied these situations with the Danvers. "Maybe a good movie will make this a little better?"
Kara laughed softly against Alex's shoulder. "I said the same thing to Lena! You really are a Danvers, Maggie."
/
Time lost meaning as Lena stood in front of the closed door, moments passing before she finally summoned the energy to move. She postponed her shower until the morning and grabbed her laptop from the counter, dropping it onto her bed and getting under the sheets. She pulled it open and scrolled through the emails that had amassed over the past six hours. The bright screen brought her headache back, throbbing at the base of her skull.
She read through the opening three lines of her first unread email, Jess forwarding her details of a new shipment of uncontaminated blood samples, when her mind went blank, no longer processing the words in front of her and slipping back to think about earlier that day, again, and the mistake she had made and all the delays that would now follow. The tightness in her chest expanded and then, Kara filled her thoughts.
Lena stared in front of her, couldn't stop the spiraling in her head, the conflicting desire to have Kara at her side right now and the fear that Kara shouldn't see her like this. Lena pushed her computer away and took her phone into her hand.
The device felt heavy in her palm.
She let her hand drop against the bed, fingers curling around her cell but never moving the mere centimeter required to turn it on.
The lights were still on, phone not plugged in for charging, she hadn't showered or brushed her teeth, her cheeks were suddenly wet.
She stared up at the ceiling, at its vast whiteness, and never registered closing her eyes until she was waking up; once at 2:33 and then again seven minutes later, and then she was out for two hours before she awoke again, blinking in the dull light and closing her eyes once more, willing herself to go back to sleep just to escape the burning image of blonde hair and disappointed blue eyes.